The Story Of Sarelle
by DeepCrimson91
Summary: Sarelle is a ordinary 9 year old girl in 1910. However, one night she becomes an involuntary time traveller. She can't decide where she goes or when she leaves. How will her encounters with the Cullens effect their lives?
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Just to try and stop any confusion, this is a repost of the first chapter of this story, because I've rewritten certain parts and felt better having this version posted. Rather than the previous version. The story is the same but hopefully all the little spelling errors etc are removed.**

_Love vanquishes time. To lovers, a moment can be eternity- Mary Parrish._

My story is not one an easy one to tell. It's full of impossibilities - events that, logically, should never have happened.

However, they did happen, and so I stand here a changed person, as someone who has defied the very laws of physics and nature.

To any outsider, I am a mere girl, like any other you may pass on the street, but to those who I have known and loved, I am so much more. I am a woman trapped in a body that doesn't match my mind, or memory.

My memory is filled with many lifetimes of tales, each one saturated with thoughts and feelings. There are some which are the very epitome of happiness, whilst others I prefer to let rot in the dark, nightmarish depths of denial. Those memories are like scars on my psyche - always present, but faded due to time.

I often ask myself, "Do I truly _regret_ anything?"

My answer is always the same, an unwavering and resolute no.

However, when I really open my mind and inspect the pain my life has caused me; I can't help but wonder if I would _change_ anything if I could. Just as I was certain in my lack of regrets, I was also always certain that, yes, I would indeed change something.

I could never lament over my actions because they had led me to meet wonderful people, but that didn't mean I didn't wish my life could have been different. I wish I had the option to live my life as a normal person. Was it strange to crave normalcy and to want the humdrum daily routine? Was it strange to want the only problems in life to be simple conundrums or financial worries?

It would have been nice to never have had to hide a secret from the ordinary world around me, to never have had to construct a web of lies. I had told so many conflicting stories to hide who I was and what I could do that, now, it had gotten to a point where I was confused as to which lies I had told to each person. I didn't know who I was, what I felt, or how I should go forward.

Could I even move forward?

Was it possible to move on from my current state?

Or was I destined to stay unchanged and stuck in a sedentary existence for the rest of my days?

I had been forced into this form of self-imprisonment by fate, and there was part of me that thought perhaps it was some cruel punishment for the breach in the laws of nature my life had created. A way for fate to get revenge on whatever force had driven me forward on the path my life had followed.

If it was truly revenge, then I could think of no better way to execute it, because I couldn't find any form of retribution that could cause me as much pain and torture as this.

So here I am sitting alone on a sheer cliff edge, staring out over the beautiful horizon as the sunset in front of me and the sea air ruffles my hair.

Vivid oranges, pinks, and purples are painted across the darkening blue sky, and I can feel the fading warmth hit me as the sun sinks into the sea. I have seen so many sunsets, but somehow this one seems so significant. The colours may have been more intense now, but the feeling of great change floods me as it has once before, bringing me back to the first time my life had taken its turn into the peculiar.

So I will tell you my tale as I remember it. Not the jaded or immature musings of my earlier life, but the way I see the memories now. There was so much I didn't understand back then, but now it's crystal clear to me. The consequences of my actions and feelings are now vividly known to me in excruciating clarity. It is a great sorrow to be the singular cause of not only the pain of others, but also to be the reason that it is inflicted on your own being as well.

It is a sick torture to be your own worst enemy.

There is only one place that a story can really start, and it is from this place that I will tell the twisting tale that has been my life so far. I will start at the very beginning...


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Happy reading!**

13th July 1910, London

"_My darling Sarelle, promise to behave for Shannon. No bedtime antics, ok?" My mother was bent in front of me with her silvery blonde hair piled upon her head. It was in the latest fashion of intricate curls with delicate wisps tickling around the edge of her face. She was, to me, the most beautiful woman in the world, and I was filled with pride that she was my mother._

_I bent my head, and she stroked her hands through my hair before placing a motherly kiss upon the top of my head. I looked up, beaming as our eyes locked, and her pastel green eyes softened with maternal affection. The expression on her face showed her excitement of the coming journey and event._

_My nanny, Shannon, was to care for me while my parents travelled to Southend-on-Sea to attend a Navy ball._

_It wasn't the first time I had been left with the nanny. My parents often left town for fancy social events, so this routine of saying goodbyes in the hallway was well rehearsed. I kept a quiet smile on my lips to hide the discomfort I felt whenever I watched my mother and father walk through the door, leaving me behind._

_My mother stepped away and talked to Shannon whilst my father came and swooped me up in his arms. Our laughter tinkled through the hallway as he tickled my sides and swung me round through the air._

"_Now my little Sarelle, you be a good girl, and don't go having too many adventures without me." He winked and placed a firm kiss on my cheek before placing me back down on the wooden floor._

"_I love you, Father."_

"_I love you too, Sarelle. But we'll be back before you know it. Remember, don't..."_

"_... Waste time because you can't get it back." I finished. His warm brown eyes twinkled, and the golden fire in them shone brightly with his pride. I was his little girl, and every moment we spent together was saturated with his love of his family._

"_Always remember my sweet little girl:_

'_Time is free, but it's priceless._

_You can't own it, but you can use it._

_You can't keep it, but you can spend it._

_Once you've lost it you can never get it back.'"_

_His eyes glimmered, and the gold sparkled more than usual. He loved that quote and had repeated it to me several times as I grew up. He had always taught me to never regret anything I do because otherwise it would just be wasted time._

_I smiled warmly at him and gave him a tight hug as I replied, "I'll never forget, Father."_

_He stroked my cheek, and I stepped away back to the banister on the stairs. I__ watched him as he turned to my mother and impatiently ran a hand through his dark brown wavy hair._

"_Lily, we really must be leaving if we are to get there before dark."_

_My mother hurriedly finished her instructions to Shannon and spun to hold my father's hand as they made their way out to the carriage._

"_Honestly, Adam, it's only now twelve o'clock, and Southend-on-Sea is only a three hour carriage journey. We have plenty of time."_

_Her vivid red dress was cut to create the ideal hour glass figure and swayed gracefully around her ankles, revealing the pale golden slipper shoes that she wore to match the gold and pearl necklace and earrings._

_She looked a vision in all her finery and her outfit told of our wealth._

"_Yes, my lovely Lily, but I intend on stopping in town to spoil you with lots of pretty things." I heard his faint voice from outside and saw my father as he smiled widely at my mother before she entered the carriage in front of him._

_Shannon and I waved them off from the front door, and like always, I soaked up the remnant feeling of family that they had left behind - the warmth of their hugs and the love in their kisses. I held on to all of it so I wouldn't miss them while they were gone._

_That night before I retired to my bed, I stood and looked upon the brilliant sunset that bathed the sky in a vivacious red hue as it peeped out over the surrounding expensive, Edwardian, stone houses._

_The way the red spilled across the sky was beautiful but strangely unnerving. I couldn't help but see the way it resembled the intense colour of blood where it mixed with the darkening atmosphere._

_This sunset didn't fill me with wonder as all the other's had; instead this one sent chilling imagery racing through my mind._

_Something wasn't right, and a feeling stirred in me made me think it never would be._

My eyes snapped open from the memory. It was only a few weeks old, and yet so much had changed since that happy departure of my parents.

Today was the day of my parents' funeral. It was only a few short weeks after their death and not even one week since I had officially become an orphan, forced to stay in this orphanage where my life had become a chore rather than an adventure.

"Sarelle, are you dressed?" Mrs Johnson called through my bedroom door. I didn't really consider it to be my bedroom door because, to me, it was merely a room in which I lived. It was a room for me to lock, and hideaway in. It was nothing like my old room. My old room was a moderately sized pastel yellow bedroom with white sash windows and a large comfy white bed. The bed I would snuggle down into as my mother read fairytale after fairytale to me. Just waiting till I would fall asleep.

This room was a small box with a matching small window, like a prison cell. The bed filled the majority of the room even though it was half the size of my old one, and the walls were a murky grey, which I assumed used to be a fresh cream when this place was built all those years ago. The only evidence of the wall's true colour was a small slice of clean cream that poked out from behind the picture of the Orphanage's mistress, Mrs Johnson.

The acted as a place for me to feel safe for just a moment, so I could ignore the bullying of the other children. They'd call me a ghost because of my pale features, and they'd run away screaming whenever I entered a room. They laughed at my misfortune and there wasn't a day that went by when tears didn't stream down my face.

I resented this place. I thought the adoption agency had stolen my life from me and left me here to rot. She explained that due to my parents' death I would need to stay at the orphanage until someone adopted me since I had no other family. There were no distant relatives that existed to take me in. Instead, my loving, happy family had been pulled from me, and I was left here to just hope someone finds me worthy of their attention. I felt like a an unwanted toy in the bottom of the play box, waiting for someone to take me out of the dark and love me like they used to.

"Sarelle, get down here. We have to go!" Mrs Johnson was getting impatient, and I flinched at the idea of how she would treat me due to her anger. My knuckles were still chapped and raw from the last time I had angered her. I hadn't carried out my kitchen chores, and she had beaten me with her large wicker cane as punishment for my disobedience.

My parents had never struck me before, so her treatment was a shock to my system.

I hurriedly smoothed my black pinafore dress and tied the black satin bows into the ends of my plaits. The black against my fair skin made me look almost ghostly and I shrunk away from the sight knowing that the children here were right. I was just a ghost and no one would ever really notice me, not anymore. I used to be the centre of my parents world and now without them I was fading into nothingness. My skin was matched by my pale golden hair causing me to be a stark contrast of light and dark. There was only the pastel rose colour of my cheeks to break the monotony of my appearance.

My feet were heavy as I took the dark, wooden stairs down toward Mrs Johnson. She stood in a long weighty black skirt and a dark grey, high buttoned blouse. Her muddy brown hair was pulled back into a tight bun which only accentuated her sharp bone structure beneath her sallow powdered skin.

She wasn't my mother; she didn't give off a feeling of love and welcome. Instead, she was cold and hostile. Her hard, flat brown eyes didn't light with affection the way my mother's green ones had.

I missed my mother and father. I missed the sweet smell of my mother's perfume that would cloud around me when she wrapped her arms around me. I missed the slightly scratchy feeling of my father's day old stubble on my skin when he placed a kiss on my cheek. There were so many happy memories that now became tainted by the intense sadness I felt, all because I would never get the chance to live anymore of those memories with my parents. A part of me panicked that they would be lost over time. I may have lost my parents but I couldn't bear the thought of losing their memories. The very idea made my stomach drop and my throat tighten as a lump formed.

I still didn't quite understand why they had left me - why they had decided I couldn't follow them to that special place they were going. Mrs Johnson had said they didn't mean to leave, that they didn't want to, but God had decided it was their time to join him.

This again I didn't understand. My parents didn't worship God. They had never talked of him as an idol, never invited him into our house. We were one of the few families that didn't follow religion like many others in our society. However, if we didn't follow religion, then why would God decide to take my parents?

Mrs Johnson didn't explain their disappearance any further. She said I was too young to understand, but I was nine years old and the oldest in my class. I was a bright student. My teacher even said I was very clever for a nine year old. All this, and yet Mrs Johnson would not explain how I could see my parents again.

"Sarelle, stop that look. It doesn't suit your face to look so thoughtful. Now come on out to the carriage." I stopped my pondering at Mrs Johnson's command. I wiped away the solitary tear that wandered down my cheek and cleared my frowning expression back to its usual blank mask. I dropped my head to stare at the gravel as we walked to our transport, picking out the different grey colours of the individual stones and the odd green patch where the weeds peeped out to bathe in the limited, smoggy, sunlight.

The ride was quiet. Mrs Johnson wasn't one to talk. That was a fact I had learned this first week at the orphanage. Ever since I arrived there, I had slowly slipped into a silence that didn't feel natural. My parents had always encouraged me to talk with them. My mother said it was important for a girl to be able to converse adequately because, according to her, the men would much prefer a woman whom they could talk to and who showed intelligence rather than just someone who could only sit looking pretty. Even my father said he married my mother because he wanted a woman with a mind, not an ornament to house and feed.

The carriage finished its journey through the winding streets of London, and Mrs Johnson waited patiently as I stepped out. I recognised the place we had come to.

It was the same cemetery in which my grandparents were resting. I remembered my mother and father placing pretty, pale pink roses against the stone graves. They had told me graves were so the people who were left behind could still show their loved ones that they cared.

Mrs Johnson walked ahead of me as I followed diligently. It wouldn't be wise for me to stray. I rubbed the sores on my knuckles as a painful reminder to keep my behaviour in check.

Soon she stopped among a group of more people dressed in black. Tears stained their faces. Were they sad too that they couldn't go live with this God person? I didn't understand why everyone wanted to live with Him; surely His house would be too crowded for so many guests.

"Hello, Sarelle, you look very pretty, darling. Such a lovely necklace." A woman I didn't recognise held my locket in her palm as she bent in front of me. The locket held a picture of my parents and me. The solid silver casing was decorated with pretty twirling engravings that curled around the edges of the locket leaving the centre bare of decoration. It wasn't too extravagant, but its simplicity made it pretty.

It had been a gift to me from my parents on the day I was born.

"She shouldn't wear it so often. It will break, and then she'll have nothing left of them," Mrs Johnson's harsh tone made me clutch the locket in my hand.

I couldn't lose it. I would have it with me forever because that way I could have my parents with me forever. Until the day I could join them, wherever they may be.

Time passed, and I watched as people cried. Their tears seemed to increase when the two wooden coffins were lowered into the ground. The coffins were just for show because there were no bodies inside. I had learned that from listening in to the hushed conversations people had around me. I think that made losing my parents worse, because there was no real proof of them being dead or alive. It just made me think that maybe they had just left me, just walked out the door without a care in the world.

I squashed that thought immediately placing a kiss on the casing of the locket. They wouldn't do that, we were happy.

No matter how much sadness surrounded me, I couldn't comprehend why they cried. They still had their life; I had nothing left of the life I used to have. My home was now someone else's. My parents had died and left me without any way of knowing what happened to them or why they had to leave me. My things had been donated to charity because I was not allowed too many possessions at the orphanage.

I had nothing.

I felt that I was nothing. But I knew that would never really be true.

I remembered some of the last words my father had said to me:

'Time is free, but it's priceless.

You can't own it, but you can use it.

You can't keep it, but you can spend it.

Once you've lost it you can never get it back.'

He had explained to me that a rich man is always equal to a poor man in the matter of time. That even if at some point you have nothing, you will always have something that is so much more valuable than material possessions.

His words now meant more to me than they ever had. My time with him and my mother was now over but the few memories I had with them were priceless.

As the words echoed through my mind I felt the tears pour down my cheeks and soak into the collar of my dress. My voice was choked but I still managed a whisper.

"I'll never forget, Father."

* * * * *

Nights at the orphanage were a nightmare of cries and shadows. I could often hear the lonely sobs that would slip through the cracks under the doors. Tonight was no different.

My blanket scratched on my skin as I lay curled in a tight, uncomfortable ball.

At home I used to stretch out across the bed. I felt free and safe. Here, I never felt any of those things, and so I stuck to sleeping in a cramped position.

The echoes of the large grandfather clock ticked away the seconds. The minutes. The hours.

Every tick spending the precious time I had left. The time my father had said to cherish. I felt anxiety creeping over my balled up body like a ghost haunting me.

I couldn't waste the one thing my parents had left to me. They wouldn't like it and I never wanted to disappoint my parents.

My breathing increased, but somehow the ticking of the clock slowed. Each tick resonated clearly through the darkness, clear but prolonged, as if time was slowing.

With every slow second, I could feel an unexplainable tension building in my body. I felt like an elastic band being stretched to a point it had to explode back into place.

Another tick sounded loudly in my ears, but when it stopped, time itself seemed to be completely still. The elastic was frozen, quivering at the tension it had built. My skin was tingling all over, like I was fading into the darkness that surrounded me.

I took a gasp of air, and that was all that was needed.

The tension within me exploded as the room around me spun and blurred. I felt like I was spinning uncontrollably. I could feel my hair rush around, my plaits from earlier in the day flying in the air. My hand clutched my locket tightly as I experienced this extraordinary event. The darkness shifted to show some kind of lamp streaked night; it was as if it was at the end of a tunnel, and I was rushing towards it.

The dim light surrounded me, and I felt myself become still as I steadied myself on the solid stone floor.

I was no longer in my darkened room at the orphanage. I was someplace new. Someplace I didn't recognise.

I stood in an alley that led from a quiet street. Dirt laced the floor, and I cringed as it covered the base of my bare feet. Foul smells filled the air. Here it was not as clean as my home in London, though something about it reminded me of my hometown. I stepped out from the darkened alley and found myself on a nearly deserted street with just a few lanterns to ease my fear of the dark. A small house sat to my left; its large wooden door bearing over me.

Fear made me freeze, and I desperately clutched the locket, as I heard the voices of strangers in the house.

My father had always said never to talk to strangers.

I felt my knees shake as the door opened in front of me, and a young gentleman stepped out from the door. His golden blonde hair was a slightly darker shade than my near white blonde.

I gasped in panic as he took in my quivering form standing in front of his doorway. I was dressed in nothing but my night clothes and I felt embarrassed to be caught in such a state.

"May I be of service?" His voice was soft as he looked over my appearance.

I remained silent. My heart was pounding loudly in my chest and i felt my eyes were wide with fear.

"What's your name young one?" He came a little closer to me, and I panicked trying to find somewhere to hide. I couldn't. There were only scary dark corners that gave me no comfort.

I stared up at the man who stood patiently waiting for me to answer. My mother had said it was rude to ignore someone when they asked you a question, though this contradicted my father's advice.

"Sarelle." My voice shook.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sarelle. I am Mr Cullen, but you can call me Carlisle." His soft blue eyes conveyed no malice, so I took a step toward him offering him my hand.

He shook it warmly.

"Hast thou a family in these parts?" I felt my face crinkle in confusion. I didn't understand his language, but the mention of family caused me to shake my head in misery.

"You are alone?" His voice portrayed his worry.

I nodded once again.

He seemed to deliberate for a moment before taking my hand and leading me into his home.

It was simply decorated with wooden beams and low ceilings. A large kitchen table sat toward the back of the room while a fireplace roared next to a few chairs. It wasn't as finely presented as my old home, or even the orphanage, but it felt like it was a real home. I decided these people must be religious because they had a large, wooden, carved cross situated against one of the walls.

"Sarelle, please take a seat while I discuss something with my father." I felt awkward intruding on his home, though I had no understanding what else I could do. I had no idea how I had come to end up in this place, or how to leave it and return to the orphanage. I sat on the wooden stool by the fire and waited silently. I shouldn't be here. I knew that much was true, but I couldn't find it in me to walk out the door into the darkness. I felt like I should trust Carlisle. There was some part of me that registered the risk of entering a strange man's house, but for the most part I was just glad to be out of the frightening dark and in a warm room that allowed me a little time to settle my mind from what had just happened.

A short while later I heard footsteps coming down the rickety stairs that were situated against the far back wall.

Carlisle brought with him an elderly man with an ill-tempered air about him. It was obvious from the way he muttered about an unwanted interruption.

"Sarelle, this is my father, Andrew. He is this area's Vicar." The older man gave me a look of disapproval and confusion. I assumed it was due to my attire. Carlisle gave off no such disgust and smiled warmly at me.

"I am most pleased to meet you, kind sir. I am sorry to intrude upon your home." Andrew nodded sternly at my apology. I had a feeling he may be as strict as Mrs Johnson.

"Sarelle, it is far too dangerous to wander these streets at night. Would you rest here tonight?" Carlisle was watching me carefully for any sign of fear or discomfort. For some reason, I felt none. His presence helped soothe the nerves that had built over my bizarre situation.

"I do not wish to be any trouble." My comment was half-hearted. I didn't want to walk through the darkness outside. I hated the dark.

"It is no trouble, child. None who walk at night are safe from those demons that hide in the shadows." Andrew's voice was gruff and instilled fear into me. I glanced toward the darkness outside the window; a shiver ran down my spine at the thought of ghoulish beings walking the night.

"Father, you mustn't scare her with such tales. She is just a child." Carlisle seemed to disapprove of his father's words.

"They are not tales, son. It is facts and knowledge that tell of our London being plagued with vampires and devils." My face drained at the information Andrew divulged.

First this place was London, but definitely not the London I knew.

Second, Andrew spoke of demons, vampires, and devils. My parents had taught me not to believe in such nonsense, saying they were horrors people told to give religion an evil to fight against.

"My parents told me not to fear such things. They said they don't exist." My voice wobbled. I knew I shouldn't be so forward with my opinions. They may offend people, and I didn't want to insult these kind people after they had taken me in for the night.

"Where are your parents now?" Carlisle's hand rested on my arm, reassuring me that I was safe.

"Mrs Johnson said they live in the sky, and that I can't see them anymore." A tear dropped down my cheek, and Carlisle gave me a smile that showed sadness in his eyes.

"Your parents must have been good people for God to have taken them so early." Andrew commented. He didn't have the same soft blue eyes as Carlisle. His, although still blue, were a steely shade full of life's hardships. Grey mixed with his mousy brown hair and aged him further. For some reason, which I could not understand, he watched me with curiosity and knowledge, as if he was trying to understand something about me.

"You should sleep, Sarelle. You can take the place beside my bed. I have a blanket to keep the chill away." Carlisle took my hand and led me up the rickety stairs into a relatively small room filled with only a bed and various books including a large leather-bound bible. I knew that my mind should not have let me follow him so easily. I should have doubts of his apparent kind nature. However, I was tired, and his blue eyes showed such compassion and kindness, I couldn't bring myself to worry about staying with him.

Perhaps if I slept, I would wake up in the orphanage only to find this strange event had been a dream.

* * * * *

Sounds of hustle and bustle woke me from my deep sleep.

Morning light flooded the room where I slept. It wasn't my room at the orphanage; instead it was the room I had stayed in along with Carlisle.

"It wasn't a dream," my voice shook as I whispered my revelation. I had been certain I would wake up and find my life back to normal. I was hoping that perhaps the fates would have been kind and allowed me to go back to the very start before my parents left. I could have stopped them from leaving. None of this would have happened if I had just stopped them from getting into that carriage.

My mind was plagued with 'what ifs' as I woke up from my groggy state.

Carlisle was no longer asleep on the unsteady wooden bed near the door, but I could hear him and his father downstairs.

I passed my hand over my locket; just checking it was still with me and not lost in the events of the night. I sighed at the feel of the heavy, cold silver sitting against my chest.

The house in the daytime wasn't as light as my old home, but the murky sun lit up the stone coloured walls giving off the feelings of warmth and safety.

I wandered along the small hallway, my feet getting cold on the wooden floor. As I descended the stairs I saw Carlisle sitting at the large table. Andrew appeared to have left because he was nowhere to be seen in the small house and I didn't hear him upstairs.

"Mr Cullen, sir?" His kind face looked up to me and lit with a small smile.

"Good morning, Sarelle. I was hoping today we would go to the market if you care to accompany me, and please call me Carlisle." I nodded in reply but froze when I saw my night clothes were the only thing I possessed. Surely I couldn't wander through a market dressed in a flimsy cotton dress and bare feet.

"But what of my clothes? I have nothing but this dress."

"You will be fine, Sarelle. There are worse sights on the street than a child in a night dress." He chuckled and fetched me a bread bun to ease my hunger.

* * * * *

This new London was nothing like the one I had come from. It wasn't as busy. Smells of fruit and vegetables filled the air mixed with the smoke of fires and dirt. I looked in horror when a woman tipped the contents of her chamber pot out into the road. Carlisle had pulled me away swiftly; otherwise I would have been covered in the vile stuff.

This place wasn't the civilised, clean, bustling London I had spent my entire nine years of my life in. However, it still had a feeling of home. Perhaps it was because I knew it was London, or maybe it was Carlisle's presence that made me feel at ease. He held my hand to keep me from harm as we wandered through the streets. He was like my father in so many ways from his soft eyes to the proud way he held himself, and because of that, I felt an attachment to him. It was irrational to form such an attachment because I had only known him for one short night, but I felt like my desperation at being alone in this place strengthened my bond with Carlisle.

"How old are you, Sarelle?"

"I am nine years old, but I will be ten in October." I beamed at Carlisle. I felt mature saying I would soon be ten.

"Ten years old in two months, you'll nearly be an adult." Carlisle teased, and I giggled as we continued to walk through the town.

"I am twenty and three this year of 1640. Isn't that old?" He grinned at me, and I stumbled on the dirty street when I registered the date. 1640. Nearly three hundred years in the past. It was impossible. Time travel is not something from the real world; even books stumbled over the idea. I gasped and continued my conversation with Carlisle. There was no way I could explain how I had come to be here, but I knew my life had changed.

"My father was thirty so he was ancient compared to you." I giggled and tried to relieve my body of the tension that had appeared in me due to my confusion and shock.

"My father wishes for me to carry on his profession now I am old enough to do so." His voice didn't hold much excitement at the prospect of following in his father's footsteps.

"Do you not want to be a Vicar?"

"Religion is very important to me, but the evils that come with it do not fill me with an urgency to fight. Something my father, I'm sure, finds disappointing. He sees it as his duty to rid this world of its demons. But I just cannot bear to watch their innocent human hosts' burn." Even if I couldn't understand fully what he meant by demons and burning, I could easily understand the sorrow in Carlisle's eyes.

I also knew the sorrow that resided in Carlisle's eyes wasn't meant to be there. The man before me showed nothing but kindness, and I couldn't comprehend why anyone would want to make him do anything that would bring out such sad emotion in his eyes.

"What was your father's work?" Carlisle questioned as his features cleared. I found myself having to think hard to come up with the answer. I only knew the name of my father's profession, not what he actually did.

"He was an accountant." I bit my lip to stop it from trembling at the memory of my father and his near constant happy expression.

"An accountant? That sounds a rather prestigious profession." Carlisle pondered my answer, and I wondered if he really understood what an accountant was. Did they have them in this time period?

It was strange knowing that this wasn't the same era I was used to.

"It wasn't particularly fancy, but it gave him enough money to spoil my mother and me." I stroked the casing on my locket, and Carlisle noticed my actions.

"May I see inside it? It's such an exquisite piece." I thumbed the catch for a moment before following his request and opened up the locket to reveal the picture of my family embedded in the red velvet lining.

"You made a fine family," he said with a soft voice and I nodded as solemnity sunk through me.

"I miss them very much," I sniffled. Carlisle rested his hand on my shoulder as a sign of reassurance.

I couldn't go back to the time when I was happy with my parents, but I could find a way to be happy in this new life. I could live for them, even if I couldn't live with them.


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Happy reading! x**

I would like to recount every passing moment that I spent with Carlisle and his father, Andrew, but time fades these memories into a muddle of everyday life. I soon became comfortable in their home. I helped to keep it tidy and clean, because although I was only nine, I knew how to pull my weight and the importance of contributing to a household.

It was strange how, even though I had no idea how I had come to be in this strange time and place, I now had no intention of ever returning to the orphanage where I had spent what could only be described as the darkest time of my life so far. Those seven days when misery was all that consumed me and loneliness ruled my mind.

Now I was in this London with Carlisle, and I felt none of what had plagued me previously. I was happy to live this simple existence of waking up at the crack of dawn and carrying out my chores 'til dusk. Some may think it was a hard life for a person as young as me but never did I feel down trodden or unhappy with what I had been given.

If life was to be like this for the remainder of my days, I couldn't think of a place I would rather live it than here with Carlisle as my friend and guardian.

The months began to pass and with them my tenth birthday. Carlisle had given me a small leather bracelet as a present. It was a woven thin plat of dark brown mixed with an intricate band of golden wire. The wire had small leaves attached to make it appear like a vine growing over wooden branches. It was simple, but its simplicity added to its beauty. I wore it from the moment he gave it to me, only removing it when absolutely necessary to ensure it didn't get ruin by everyday tasks.

Andrew, unlike Carlisle, gave me no special treatment on my birthday, saying that we should not be so selfish as to celebrate our own existence and should instead dedicate such happy celebrations to the work and existence of God.

I didn't hold this against him; he had already been so generous in letting me stay with them. Feeding me, clothing me, and keeping me safe. He and Carlisle even taught me about the history of England, and the brutal civil war that had raged just a few years ago. I learnt the country was finally turning to democracy thanks to the rule of Cromwell.

I may have had a few years of education already, but there was something so much more interesting about learning through other's experiences than in a silent classroom listening to a teacher. I enjoyed the stories and conversation Carlisle indulged me in. They taught me so much more about life than the regulated lessons that I attended at my school. I did, however, miss some of the aspects of education I had taken for granted those four years before the jump. In this time things were seen in such a different way. Maths, English and Science weren't as important as they were in the future, and in a way I missed that way of learning. I didn't get much time to dwell on my desire to learn, but it would creep up on me in quiet moments of contemplation.

I had been ten for five months now and staying in this place for eight.

I still stayed with Carlisle in his room. It was where I felt most at home, not that it shared any similarities with my old home, but the vibe that Carlisle gave off meant I always felt safest when he was with me. I didn't feel as settled in my bed tonight, because this night Carlisle didn't sleep soundly near me instead he was downstairs planning with Andrew.

Carlisle and his father had spent the past three days planning their next midnight outing. I knew Carlisle didn't enjoy these trips. It would always result in a person being punished for something that seemed impossible for them to do, crimes such as witchcraft, vampirism, or dealings with the devil. Andrew would always be the one to administer the verdict of being guilty. I cringed whenever I remembered the look on Carlisle's face every time another person screamed their pleas before being carried away, whilst the vicious crowd cheered for bloody justice. They were so easily swayed into believing that a person was evil just by hearsay or unusual events. They were scared of the unknown, so anything they couldn't explain became the work of the devil.

Tonight, however, Carlisle was carrying out his father's wishes. Stepping up to the profession he had no real passion for. From what echoed up the stairs he was meeting with several others to hunt down the vampires that resided in the town's sewers. He was going to place himself near the dirty, vile creatures that survived solely to torture and kill innocent people. At least that was what Andrew had told me when I questioned him about their existence.

I didn't want Carlisle to go. He was my only true friend in this place and the thought of him possibly leaving me forever sent fear to run cold in my veins. In that moment I made a decision, one that may seem foolish and careless, but to me made perfect sense.

I uncurled my body from its position of the sack of hay and tiptoed to the top of the stairs. My light footsteps barely registered in the dark silence.

I sat anxiously at the top of the stairs as I watched Carlisle and Andrew move around each other awkwardly in the stilted silence.

"I'm going to leave now, father," Carlisle said, and I heard Andrew cleared his throat awkwardly.

"Be safe, son, bring back those servants of the devil for God's punishment." Andrew voice was gruff, and I heard him land a rough pat on the back against Carlisle's body.

"Yes, father." Carlisle sighed, and I heard the movement of Carlisle as he went towards the door. The next noise was the solid wooden door shutting behind Carlisle; it seemed to resonate with finality.

There were a few short moments of silence before Andrew sighed, and whispered a swift prayer.

"I love you, son." He finished before he left to use the latrine in the back yard. I had expected Andrew to carry out the hunt with Carlisle, but I remembered that he rarely left me alone. It seemed Andrew felt some kind of responsibility, or gratitude, towards me, though I could never figure out why he would feel that way. He had once told me that I reminded me of someone he used to know, a girl who had been a part of his life when he was younger. So although his attitude towards me still didn't quite make sense, I just assumed it was triggered the remnant emotions of his memory.

I don't know what compelled me, but I found my feet pattering down the wooden stairs and out into the dim night. I wanted to be with Carlisle, to ensure his safety and make sure he came home to me and Andrew. I wanted him to hear the love Andrew felt for him, and although it was selfish I couldn't lose him after these past months. He meant far too much to me for me to just let myself watch him walk into the night, chased by the strong possibility that he would never return.

I scurried quietly behind Carlisle, ducking in and out of shallow shadows that were scattered amongst the streets. The perfect hiding places for the wicked to spy on their victims.

The frightening darkness was pierced in places by dim lanterns easing my fear and allowing me to continue my strange form of stalking. There was just enough light for me to follow Carlisle's tall figure through the murky streets. His stride was strong and confident as he approached a waiting angry crowd made up of burly men who carried pitch forks and axes, garlic rings and holy crosses. Could such simple objects really defeat a vampire?

I stood close to the crowd, submerging myself in amongst the bodies so that no one would notice me. The strong smell of bodily odours saturated the air, and I almost gagged at the stench of them. I knew hygiene wasn't as high a priority here, but it still repulsed me that the majority of the town's population didn't wash. Instead choosing to let their skin become coated in the grime that would accumulate through the week's labour.

Carlisle stood in the centre of the crowd, the cleanest out of the group because Andrew believed we should honour the bodies God gave us. He insisted each of us bathed at least twice a week in the old tin bath. It was a strange kind of enjoyment that came with the experience of submerging my body in near ice cold water, and scrubbing my skin with a sponge that scraped at the surface making my nerves tingle.

"Tonight we hunt for vampires, remember to keep your wits about you. They aren't mere mortals. They are cunning and bloodthirsty. Be careful, and may God be with you," Carlisle's voice rung out in the thick night air. The thick smog of the day had started to descend into the street creating an eerie muffled silence.

Cheers and menacing grumbles greeted his statement. The men that surrounded me were dirty and covered with thick muscle and sweaty skin. Carlisle didn't fit with these people; he didn't show the anger or hatred they did. I didn't even think he was capable of it.

I shuffled my feet as the mob began to move through the streets, winding down towards the river where the entrance to the sewers could be found. The tension was heavy in the air as we neared the destination. A foul stench of rotting food and excrement hung thick in my nose.

I could see Carlisle at the forefront of the crowd, standing proud as we marched towards our destination.

It was silent as the men battled with their fear. There was something about the black hole in front of us that caused adrenaline to pulse through my blood. It held the unknown and everything seemed to come to a standstill. The angry mob was silenced by the apprehension of waiting for an event to happen, something to cause a change in the atmosphere and smash the silence. The stillness seemed to suffocate any excitement which had temporarily built on the journey down to this destination.

A gust of wind whipped round the group, and I felt it as it ruffled through my flaxen hair.

I expected it to wipe away the stale tension that surrounded our group, but this gust of wind didn't bring with it a calm release from the tension; instead it brought screams and panic.

I stood in confusion as the crowd scattered. Something was present ,and I was clueless as to what it was or how I was to react. Carlisle was shouting orders to run, and I watched him clearly in front of me as he helped a fallen bloodied man to his feet. His eyes locked with mine through the terror.

"RUN SARELLE!"

I followed his orders to a point. I couldn't leave him, but I couldn't ignore the desperation in his voice. Instead I hid down beside an old wooden trough. The shadow cast over me submerging me in its darkness. I ignored the fear I felt at being in the dark. It was something Carlisle had told me to do so I would followed his advice.

It was then that I finally saw what had caused the mass panic and the broken bodies around me.

I instantly wished I hadn't, for the sight would surely haunt me.

A monster stood with glowing red eyes that fixed on Carlisle. Its pasty white skin glowed in the foggy moonlight. The white only caused the dripping blood on its chin to stand out in a grotesque contrast. Its body was lowered into a predatory crouch, and its hands formed claws as it prepared to strike.

My voice caught in my throat, and I felt all blood drain from my fair skin.

Carlisle seemed unaware of its existence so close to him, as it stalked from the shadows. I watched in horror as in a flicker of movement it latched around his throat. The look of pain on Carlisle's face was excruciating to watch, but I couldn't take my eyes off the monster.

It was beautiful and deadly at the same time.

Its skin glowed lightly in the moonlight while its near jet black hair sat as a complete opposite against the its skin. It was like light and shadow culminated within this creature.

The world around me faded until all I could see and hear was Carlisle's pain.

The monster didn't stay for long. It was gone in a flash of movement but that didn't stop Carlisle's pain.

I had hoped his screams would end when the monster left his neck, but they didn't. If anything they increased.

The same still silence returned only this time Carlisle's strained cries filled the air. I walked to him from my dark hiding place, walking through the massacre that filled the street. Blood splattered around the bodies whilst some just lay there, their heads turned in a way that looked ugly and unnatural. I felt my bare feet coat in the blood of the monster's victims, thirty human lives taken in mere seconds.

It seemed to take forever but I finally reached Carlisle's side. His body was convulsing but his teeth stayed clenched, restraining the sounds that made the tendons on his neck stand out.

"Carlisle?" My voice was a whimper. I could feel the tears building in my eyes at the sight in front of me.

I loved him as a dear friend, and now he lay in front of me in absolute agony. I had done nothing to protect him from that monster. I had stayed hidden in the shadows just watching the horrific event unfold before my eyes. If I had interfered, would it have attacked me not him? When I looked down upon the kind hearted man crying by my side, I knew any pain I would have endured would have been worth it. I would have done anything to have prevented this scene before me.

Carlisle was suffering and I felt it was entirely my fault.

"Carlisle, please..." The tears fell freely down my cheek, staining my cotton dress. I sobbed not just for him, but for my parents whom I had never had the chance to really say goodbye to. I had never forgotten them over these past few months, but being with Carlisle, and feeling attached to someone, had acted like a bandage over the pain. Now the bandage was being slowly pulled off, and it felt like the pain was even worse than before.

As my soft cries drifted through the air his head snapped towards me, and his kind blue eyes were filled with nothing but pain. The blood vessels popped in one to show blood that spilt under the surface.

His hand grabbed at my arm. It hurt, but I couldn't find it in me to complain. He was in so much more pain than I could ever imagine. No matter how much emotional agony I felt running through me in this moment, it was nothing compared to what he felt. My emotions didn't matter, I didn't matter. Not when my friend was suffering in front of me. He was all that was important to me.

"Help... Hide. Me." Each word was strained and distorted through his clenched teeth.

I couldn't carry him, I wasn't strong enough.

"I can't move you. Please. You have to fight. Please...please don't leave me....not like them...please Carlisle." Carlisle shifted and another roar of pain came from his tortured mouth. I reached for his other hand and clasped it in my own as our eyes locked. His eyes flickered with hope, so I harnessed every ounce of strength in small body and lifted him slightly from his broken slump on cold dirty floor.

After an eternity he started to drag his body along the filthy street floor. I held his hand trying to ease the effort by pulling him towards an old storage building. Never did his pain stop. He never spoke because it meant unclenching his teeth. I knew if he did, his screams would echo through the fog.

The store was dark, damp and dusty. Flour, potatoes and old sacks filled the small room and the air was filled with spores and dust. They caught in my throat as I breathed in heavily with the strain of dragging Carlisle's body.

He finally collapsed in agony against the sacks, causing a puff of old flour dust to rise into the air and swirl around him, churning with every torturous breath he took. I thought the sacks would be the most comfortable place for him as they were similar to the bed he slept on at home. The only other option was the solid stone floor, but I couldn't add to the torture his body was already going through.

I sat holding his hand for a short amount of time whispering my apologies and pleas, but then he started to move once more. His hands frantically grasped at anything near him, pulling it onto his body in fast jerky movements.

"Carlisle?" I caught his eyes and saw the pain still held him, but there was pleading there as well. He wanted to be covered and hidden. I didn't understand why, but I tried to help as best I could.

I gathered anything I thought would help and covered Carlisle's body, creating a fortress for him to hide in away from the world. It took hours to completely encase his body, because his convulsions would constantly cause the pile to fall apart a little at a time. However, eventually I had completed my task and looked upon where he lay to see nothing of the man I had known, only a large pile of potatoes.

It was strange to see nothing of his body below the mass of old sacks and rotting potato, but his whimpers could still be heard softly from his self imposed prison.

What had happened to him? Would he ever be the caring, compassionate Carlisle I had lived with these past few months?

Had I lost the one person who had made me happy in my bleak time of losing my parents?

I lay beside him that night. Just hoping he would wake from the agony that ripped through him and he would gently reassure me that everything would be ok. The way he always did whenever I was down, the simple gesture of rubbing my arm and smiling at me to cheer me up. It wasn't the hug and kisses my parents gave me but it held the same emotion.

I waited all night for him to wake up but he never did.

The night passed into day and then back into night. This continued for three days but my patience and tenacity never failed me. I still continued to wait for him, because as long as he was alive, I knew there was a chance that I could still continue my life with him. We could walk from this small room and live as we had before.

In the time I spent by his side he never moved, just whimpered and groaned.

I knew I should have left at dawn on the first day to find and tell Andrew of his son's condition, but I couldn't bring myself to move from my place on the storage room floor. There was a part of me thought that if I left him, just for a moment, he would disappear or die, and I would be left alone. So even though my stomach growled in protest, and my body ached from the hard stone floor against my soft skin. I found that I welcomed the dull ache that churned in me, because I could endure it to offer Carlisle some comfort, even if it was just my presence near him.

* * * * *

I didn't know when I first felt it, or why it happened, but on the third night I felt the tension that had brought me to this place build once more in my body. The tightly wound band curling in on itself and stretching. I could feel myself slipping from this place but every part of me wanted to stay here. When I was at the orphanage I wanted to leave, but here I wanted to be with Carlisle. He made me feel safe and I owed it to him to stay by his side when he needed it most.

My decision only caused the tension to increase with every minute that passed. I knew there was no point in trying to fight the force that was building in me. I wasn't strong enough and it would most certainly be a fight I would lose. The only option I had was to accept what was happening and salvage as much from the situation as possible.

I didn't know if Carlisle could hear me, if he would know I was even here, but I had to say something before the elastic exploded and forced me to leave him. I had to give him the only goodbye I was capable of.

"Carlisle, it's Sarelle. I don't know what happened to you. I don't know if I'll ever see you again, but I love you. You've been like my father for these past months and I don't want to leave you. But for some unjust reason I can't stay. I'm so sorry....Goodbye, Carlisle." I tried my best to stay present 'til I finished but I was fighting against an unknown force that was pulling at my being. I could feel myself fading as I uttered my last words. They would be mere whispers in this dusty dank room.

As the darkness pulled me under, and in that last moment of light, I heard a faint sound that seemed similar to a growl.

**A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read! x**


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Here's chapter 3, happy reading! x**

When the darkness cleared from my eyes I was standing at the edge of a pond. Lush green grass spread out in front of me with trees lining the edge of the field whilst a small pond sat in the middle. Ducks were sitting pretty on the water's surface as they idly paddled around. Benches were dotted along the gravel path that seemed to follow the edge of the pond. No doubt places for walkers to rest their legs and admire the natural beauty of the area. As my eyes travelled around my surroundings I raised them to see the sky was a mix of clear blue sky and fluffy white clouds. The sun peeping out now and then to shine upon my face in a way I hadn't felt for months, since there was always a thick layer of cloud above London.

From what I could see it was a park, but one I had never visited before.

I wasn't as scared as I was the first time this happened. Instead of fear, sadness filled me.

I had left Carlisle. I hadn't wanted to but would he still feel abandoned in his time of need?

Or worse yet, would he have died alone? No one would find him hidden beneath the piles of potatoes. I felt the awful guilt that his body would be left cold and covered in dirt until someone finally stumbled across his corpse.

My mind haunted me with grotesque images of his decaying body as I wandered aimlessly and slowly on the narrow path towards one of the benches. I had to get to that bench. It was something I had to do to prove I was still in control of this messed up thing that was supposed to be my body. I felt weak from the recent events and the agonising days spent by Carlisle's side.

The terrifying image of the vampire haunted my imagination, the way the blood dripped from his mouth made my stomach roll. I could feel myself splintering as I remembered that night. The pain Carlisle endured that had echoed through his eyes.

I took a calming breath and braced myself on the bench, taking another glance around the picturesque park.

It seemed I was completely alone in this tranquil place. Not a soul wandered past me as I sat on the hard wooden bench. The wind raced through the park, and the leaves created a loud rustle that sounded around me. It seemed like spring in this new place. The air was fresh, not the usual dirty smog I was used to in Carlisle's London. I couldn't even remember the season it had been on my last few days there. All I knew was that it was the year 1640.

A newspaper danced towards my bench and I leapt to grasp it tightly in my hand. The thought of the year in Carlisle's world made me eager to find out the date in this place.

My eyes scanned the front page anxiously; desperate for something to clear the confusion my life had landed in ever since that night in the orphanage. I needed to know if this was all just some odd dream or if I really have become a person who jumps through time.

The clear cut words of the headline and newspaper name stood out in bold type.

Chicago Times

**April 12th 1905 – **HIPPODROME OPENS IN NEW YORK CITY

I felt my breathing hitch.

I was in Chicago.

America. Not even still in England.

It is 1905, that's 5 years before I was born. How had I ended up so far from home in a time that had already passed?

Then again Carlisle's time was so much further in the past that being in a time five years before I was born seemed no different to the time period in which I had spent the first nine years of my life.

My mind twisted and turned at the information I had come across. I was only a ten year old girl and yet it felt like I had to be an adult to really understand what was happening to me.

I had never paid much attention to science. It wasn't something that was emphasised at school, but now I wished I had taken in every small scrap of information handed to me. Maybe if I had listened better I would be able to understand why my life was pulled from place to place, era to era.

I didn't know what time it was in the day but the sun suggested it was near lunch.

That idea made me think of food and the fact I was weak and starving. I hadn't eaten in nearly three days, surviving only on a few drops of water and rotten old potatoes.

I felt drained as I sat on the bench, empty and alone in a place where I had no home and no way of knowing where I really belonged.

My silky, pale, blonde hair hung limp on either side of my face, the angel curls no longer bounced in the breeze but instead just lay there. I knew my skin was dirty along with my simple cotton clothes, so if the time really was 1905 then I wouldn't fit in. Instead I would be some dirty street urchin to stay away from.

I had never felt so lost before. Not even when I first jumped to my place in front of Carlisle's door.

Tears fell from my eyes, leaving tracts of clean skin in their wake.

"You shouldn't cry, angels don't cry." A young voice startled me.

I turned my head to see a boy half my age sitting on the bench beside me.

His vibrant bronze hair ruffled in the wind but settled into tousled locks when the wind died down, his wonderfully clear bright emerald eyes twinkled as he smiled at me. He was a handsome child, but if he thought I was an angel he was clearly not that knowledgeable on the existence of angels.

"Don't be silly, I'm no angel. I'm all dirty for a start." I smiled at him and repressed the giggled at how his legs swung in the air. They didn't reach the ground because he was still just a small boy.

"I think you're an angel and you just fell from heaven that's why you're dirty." He was so confident in his statement; I couldn't help the smile that spread on my pale dehydrated lips even though I still felt the dull stabbing pain caused by my sorrow of leaving Carlisle.

Two sets of footsteps made their way towards us crunching on the gravel. I looked to see who I assumed to be the little boy's parents.

The mother had the same unusual shade of hair and vivid green eyes that shone with love for her child. The father was not as unique looking as his wife and son, having instead mid brown hair and almost dark, blue grey eyes. It wasn't his looks that made you notice him but the way he held himself. Confidence saturated his posture as he walked towards us with his beautiful wife on his arm.

"Look, Mother, I've found an angel!" The boy's voice was full of glee at his discovery of me. His parents looked at me in astonishment for a moment, and then I saw his mother's eyes soften into an expression of pity whilst the man still seemed wary of me.

I didn't want her pity, even if it would seem I deserved it. I had lost my parents and survived. I had lost my guardian to an evil monster and survived. I was strong even though I was young. I did not want to see pity on her face. I felt that if I accepted the pity she gave me I would crumble and then I would be forever reliant on someone else.

I didn't want that to happen so I stood proudly in front of the young boys parents.

"Hello, my name is Sarelle. I've already explained to your son I'm not an angel but he seems quite certain of the fact." I smiled at them and watched as the little boy ran to his mother's legs, clutching her hand as he beamed at me.

They made the perfect family. Each one dressed impeccably.

The young boy wore simple brown leather shoes with dark green woollen shorts and a white smock shirt. His father wore a fine tweed suit of dark blue shades matched with a waist coat and tie. His right hand held an ivory cane with a solid silver handle. I doubted he really needed it to walk, probably just to match his fashionable appearance.

The mother was in a dress which was obviously the fashion of the time. Her slender frame was in a neat hourglass figure dressed in a fine full ankle length pastel pink skirt and high topped white blouse. She carried a pale pink parasol that kept any sun from touching her smooth ivory skin.

Just their appearance showed they were wealthy. They could afford food every night, a warm house, nice clothes and no doubt a good education and frivolous hobbies.

I looked down at my filthy state. The smock dress I wore stopped at my knees and my leather shoes were dirtied and worn out. The dress was supposed to be white but instead was covered in blood, mud and old dusty flour.

I felt embarrassed to stand in front of this handsome family in my current state.

"It's lovely to meet you, Sarelle. My name is Edward Masen Snr, this is my wife Elizabeth, and my son Edward Jnr." The man pointed out his family proudly and patted his son's head in affection.

"I apologise for Edward's behaviour. I hope he didn't interrupt you." Elizabeth hugged her son but seemed concerned that he had just accosted a stranger, especially a stranger in such a state as me.

"No apology is needed, Mrs Masen, Edward is a lovely boy."

She smiled and bent to place a kiss on Edward's head.

I felt a twinge of sadness at the simple gesture. I missed the love my mother had shown me when she was still alive.

"Are you from around here Sarelle? You have a slightly different accent," Edward Snr spoke to me, and I cringed when I realised that of course I had an English accent, perhaps even old English due to my time with Carlisle.

"No, I am from London, England. However my parents moved here a few years ago." It felt wrong lying to these nice people but I had no other way of explaining myself. I didn't even understand everything myself.

"Oh, where do your parents live? Perhaps we could accompany you back to your home. It would be wrong to leave such a young girl to walk home alone," Elizabeth spoke to me and I hated the words I next had to utter.

"My parents are no longer with me. They died a few short months ago. I'm supposed to be at the orphanage but Mrs Johnson was not as kind as she promised." I could remember the treatment Mrs Johnson had given me when I first arrived. She believed I was spoilt and had to have it beaten out of me.

"You poor child, you truly have nowhere to go?" Elizabeth seemed deeply concerned by this and I could understand she would hate the idea that if she were to die Edward could be left to live like me. Alone and rejected.

"I stayed with a friend but he is no longer with me." I felt the tears rise for the second time today at the memory of Carlisle and the terrible sight of his tortured body on the floor.

Elizabeth seemed to have a silent conversation with her husband. I could see her eyes questioning him and he replied in a simple nod.

"Sarelle, we would very much like it if you would accompany us to our home. There you can have a bath, some food. We may even have some new clothes you could use." As Elizabeth spoke I felt my heart swell with happiness and hope. The idea of eating made my stomach rumble loudly to which Edward Jnr laughed.

I wanted to go with them so much but part of me didn't want to take so much from them and not be able to give anything back.

"I have nothing. I don't want to take from you when I can give you nothing back."

"You have no need to worry about that, Sarelle. You will give us the pleasure of performing a good deed." Edward Snr stepped towards me and stared into my eyes. I could see clearly there was no pity there just the wish to help a fellow human being.

"Plus how could we deny Edward his angel." His slate coloured eyes crinkled as he looked back at his son.

I smiled weakly and nodded.

I could deal with accepting help, as long as it wasn't pity, just a little help.

* * * * *

The simple emerald green dress swished around my ankles as I turned in the mirror.

Elizabeth had been able to find an old dress which her young cousin had bought but never taken home. It was a heavy cotton fabric that felt comforting against my skin, not the scratchy clothes I was used to with my time with Carlisle.

I was clean and full of good food for the first time in what seemed like years.

As soon as we had arrived at the Masen's home Elizabeth had order their maid to draw me a bath and make me a simple meal. I hadn't had any real time to take in the beautiful house.

I took a final look at my reflection. I didn't look like the scruffy street urchin I had appeared to be when I first met the Masen's.

Instead the mirror showed my pale blonde hair falling in its usual bouncing angel curls down to my shoulders. My ivory skin was back to being pale and flawless rather than splattered with grime. I hadn't realised but my body had lost some of its previous weight. I had always been slender but now my limbs were a little too thin to be pretty.

My face had more colour to it now that I had eaten and had a nice warm bath. Even my eyes were brighter than they had been, not that I had had a lot of time with Carlisle to examine myself in a mirror.

My eyes reminded me of my father because I had the same unusual feature as him. Although his eyes were brown and mine were hazel, a smudgy mix of my mother's soft green and my father's muddy brown. It wasn't this that made them particularly unusual. It was the gold flecks that scattered through the hazel irises.

My father's used to have the same gold flecks, making his eyes seem as if they held that little bit of fire behind the brown. My mother said it was because we shared the same fire for life, the same roaring spirit that would get us through any hardship. Now my eyes just reminded me of who I had lost.

A soft knock at the door snapped me out of my observation.

I went straight to the door to open it for whoever it was.

"Hello, Sarelle, the dress looks lovely on you. Perhaps Edward was correct with his assumption." Elizabeth smiled softly at me. She looked so similar to my mother and yet so different at the same time. My mother had the same pale golden blonde hair as me, though hers was poker straight so she didn't share a similarity with Elizabeth in that context. However, Elizabeth gave off the same warmth and her eyes, though a stronger shade of green, shone with the same happiness and contentment.

"Thank you, Mrs Masen." I bowed my head in respect and she chuckled.

"There's no need for that, child. And please call me Elizabeth." I gave her a shy smile but nodded.

"I was wondering if you would care to take a tour of the house. If you are to stay here with us a few months, 'til the orphanage can accept you, it is probably best you know your way around."

It had been discussed that my stay would last a little long than a bath and a meal. Apparently Elizabeth couldn't stand the thought of leaving me to live on the streets when they were able to care for me at their home.

She led me out of the dressing room and into the hallway. Five doors came off the hallway leading to various bedrooms and a bathroom. The walls were a coated in a luxurious deep red wall paper and the floors were polished dark cherry wood. Although my parents had been moderately wealthy we had never had such beautiful decorations as the Masen's appeared to possess.

"This will be your room whilst you're here with us. I'm sorry but it's nothing much." Elizabeth opened a solid wood door to reveal a simple cream room with a large white bed in the centre of it. Light flooded from the large window that sat on the far wall. The floor was a continuation of the polished wood with a bedside table that matched.

The room was so much more than I was expecting. It reminded me of my old room with my parents.

"It's perfect Elizabeth. I can't thank you enough" I stroked the soft linens on the bed and felt an urge to get completely lost in the luxurious covers and pillows.

She caught be staring longingly at the bed, I heard her small sigh. She didn't have to say anything I knew she understood that I hadn't slept in a bed like this for too long to remember.

"Edward's bedroom is just next door and the bathroom is across the hall, but of course you know that. You've cleaned up very well Sarelle." I blushed at the compliment and whispered my thanks.

A simple picture of a meadow rested on the wall. Beautifully round with flowers hiding in the lush long grass. It looked like the perfect place of peace and quiet. Somewhere you could seek solace from the world.

"That's little Edward's favourite picture. When he's upset he always comes in here to look at it. Sometimes I wonder if he's really or child or just a mini adult." Elizabeth chuckled at her son's peculiar ways before turning to walk out the room.

"I'll take you downstairs and show you around."

I followed her down the wide carpeted stairs. The large front door looked sturdy and heavy just like the one on my old house. The first room we visited was the living room.

The room was papered in a pale blue that sat perfectly with the wooden floors. Two large deep blue velvet sofas sat in front of a large granite fireplace where the fire roared sending glorious heat into the room along with the homely smell of burning wood. A white baby grand piano sat in the far end of the room, nearest to the sun drenching windows. They filled the whole of the wall and were framed by deep blue velvet curtains.

I had never played the piano before but I had loved the sound it created when I heard it one Christmas.

"That is a fine piano, do you play?" I asked Elizabeth.

"No unfortunately not. Edward does, both of them." She smiled and led me out of the room to continue the tour.

The tour of the house didn't take long. Their home was magnificent and perfectly decorated to show class and stature without appearing too pretentious. There was a second bathroom on the ground floor along with the kitchen, living room, library, dining room and a small study, which I learnt Mr Masen used as an office so that he could work for his Law firm at home.

The library was what held my attention longest; the vast bookshelves were filled with classics, fiction and facts. Elizabeth had said she enjoyed reading and so she offered for me to join her in the evenings when she would enjoy a book or two.

* * * * *

I didn't want to get too comfortable here. What happened with Carlisle showed no good could come of becoming too comfortable, however, after just a month of staying with the Masen's I felt like I had gained a family.

Edward was the most adorable little boy, full of inquisitive enthusiasm and an obvious love of music that would someday develop into a fantastic talent. Although he was five years younger than me he seemed so much more aware of matters that a child his age should not. He was quite mature for a boy of his young age.

I could spend hours with him either listening to him learn piano or read to him from the fairytales I found in the library.

Tonight was one of those nights that me and Edward sat in the living room as he tapped out 'twinkle twinkle little star'.

"Sarelle, where are your parents?" Edwards voice was so innocent, he didn't realise the pain those words had caused me over the past year.

"I don't know Edward. They left to live in the sky." I didn't want to talk to him about death. It wasn't my place to tell him that no one is ever safe from God choice to take them. That death haunts all of us, and that you could lose the people you love the most in the snap of a finger.

"Why?" he questioned and another twinge of pain settled in my chest.

"I don't know. They just did." I knew they didn't really just walk out and leave me. They were struck down too early in their life from what I would never know. One day they were alive and well with me. The next a letter arrived whilst I stayed with my nanny. After that letter everything changed. I didn't even have the peace of knowing that their bodies were put to rest because their coffins were buried empty.

"But don't they love you?" Edward young voice pierced through my moment of sadness.

"I hope they do." Wherever they were in heaven I hoped they still loved me.

"I love you, Sarelle. You're the best big sister in the world." I chuckled at his words. His eyes showed he was so sure of his statement, like nothing in the world could doubt it.

"I love you too, Edward. I might not be your actual big sister but I will be your friend. No matter what." I gave him a hug and he pretended to struggle.

"Ewww girl cooties!" I giggled as I tickled him. He was such a sweet boy. It would be hard to leave him when the time came.

I had no intention of leaving, but I knew the pull and tension would build one day. It could be today, tomorrow, next month, next year. My choice didn't matter because there would come a point in time when the pull would explode from me and I would be thrown to some place new, to a different time and place to try and rebuild my life yet again.


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened._

The summer in Chicago was a lot hotter than the summers in England. Then again, I had never known another place that could match England for the amount of rainfall in summer. Apparently Chicago was the perfect contender.

Today was one of those days in June when the rain poured in endless streams from the sky. I had been out walking with Elizabeth, shopping in the busy town, when it started to rain.

Now, we hurried through the streets trying to get home as dry as possible. Elizabeth had her parasol, but I never had a need for such a thing. Even in constant sun my skin would never change from its fair complexion. I didn't even get freckles across my nose. So as we ran I enjoyed the way the warm rain hit my face and soaked through to my skin. I luxuriated in the feel of every pin prick droplet as it splashed against me. Somehow the feeling of them on my skin made me feel more connected to the world than usual.

I hadn't felt the tension in me for three months now but that didn't mean that I felt complete or that I was really here. The idea that I could slip away at any moment bothered me, especially now that I really felt settled.

Although the Masens weren't my real family I thought of them as my dearest friends and companions, just like Carlisle had been or still was.

Elizabeth had spent many hours with me just refining my etiquette, since my time with Carlisle had left me a little rough around the edges. She fed me up to fill out my skinny frame, bought me pretty dresses, and taught me about what it meant to be a young lady in society. She treated me like the daughter she didn't have but also as one of her many friends. I knew when I grew up I wanted to be just like Elizabeth. Her kind nature warmed everyone to her, but her intelligence and wit was what kept people fascinated. It was the reason why she was a favourite among the upper classes she socialised with.

Mr Masen, though not as close to me as Elizabeth, was a great teacher. He was often busy with his law firm, but when he wasn't he would sit with me and we would play chess, read, discuss things that were happening in the country. He took me from being just an ignorant child to a miniature adult who could understand the world around them. It was because of him that I accepted the curse that had been placed on me. Although I had only jumped time twice, I knew it would happen again. No matter where I settled or laid down roots, a day would always come when I would fade from that place and be taken to somewhere new. To a time I may not understand.

With the acceptance of my ability- though that suggested it was voluntary- I began to plan, save, and horde. A few of the pretty dresses Elizabeth bought me were never in the wardrobe hanging up but instead packed in a bag which I carried with me always. Elizabeth never understood my need to carry such a large bag with me, but I knew that I could fade away at any moment so it made sense for them to always be with me.

It wasn't just clothes that hid in the battered hessian bag, along with the clothes there were various things I had gathered: a blanket, soap, money, and a small picture of the Masens.

I spent a lot of my time reading to try and find some kind of explanation, however I never found one. During my reading there was one book in particular which became my firm favourite, not that it was particularly fantastical or stimulating for the brain but more that the story seemed to follow my predicament. The title was _The Time Machine by H.G Wells_.

It follows the main character through a variety of time periods as he travels in his machine.

I have no machine, only myself, but the book gave me ideas of how to cope.

Simple things like buying a newspaper when I first arrive somewhere to gain a better understanding of where I was, and saving money so that I could survive in wherever I was. These simple things would help me carry out my life with the least amount of risk. That is if a time traveller's life could ever be completely without risk or sadness.

I had already experienced this with Carlisle, the feeling of being ripped away from someone you cared about before you really wanted to go.

I liked to think I was older now, even if it was only a few months. I hoped that when the time came I wouldn't fall apart over losing the Masens, but instead focus on the new adventure that time pulled me to. Perhaps it would happen where I would someday make my way back to these people. Perhaps, some way or another, I could be a part of their lives. Although, in reality, I knew that it would be unlikely.

I stopped this way of thinking as me and Elizabeth entered the house. Edward Jnr was playing at his piano, just a simple little tune that was light and happy as a child should be. Not like me, who was more mature and wise to the world than I possibly should be.

I entered the living room and ruffled his hair. He beamed up at me from the piano bench, those beautiful green eyes lighting up as he saw me next to him. My heart swelled just a little bit. He was always so happy, which wasn't surprising given that he had everything a child could want, a loving mother, a proud father, a warm house, a good education and, although I wasn't sure if I was right to get so close, a best friend.

"So, what are you playing now?" I sat beside him on the bench as he scooted along. He couldn't play properly since the piano was a little high for him to press the pedals but it always sounded perfect anyway. I was amazed such a young child could play so well, but then again it just fit him. He didn't often choose to play with his toy soldiers instead preferring to draw, read or play music.

"It's a special song. Just for you" He grinned and pressed a few keys. It wasn't a full composition, or anything worthy of the greats, but it meant a great deal to have him play it just for me.

Elizabeth entered the room and looked at the two of us.

"Have you heard, Elizabeth? You have a world class composer as a son." She chuckled and came to place a kiss on the top of his head. I watched with a slight feeling of loss. It was always the same when I saw these signs of affection between them, but it was just a residual feeling from losing my parents. It would fade with time, however, for now it was still present.

Elizabeth caught my eyes as I watched them. I quickly lit my face with a small smile, trying to reassure her it didn't hurt as much as it once had. For the first two weeks of staying with the Masens I had sunk into a depression at any sign of affection, whether directed at me or Edward. I knew it wasn't the strong option but those first two weeks I had felt the true loss of everything: my parents, my home, Carlisle. I felt that I needed those first two weeks of sombre emotion to fully come to terms with how my life was now.

"I believe you will be eleven soon, am I right?" I nodded to her question. I hadn't realised it had been almost a whole year since I first started this unusual way of life.

"Edward and I were wondering if you would stay here with us 'til after your eleventh birthday. I understand the orphanage has a place for you, but we would love the chance to celebrate. You've come to mean rather a lot to us." I smiled brightly at the idea of postponing my life at the orphanage by another month. Then again, if I jumped before then, would it hurt them to find me vanished from sight without a real goodbye?

I pushed aside any issues concerning my time travel. I wouldn't let it rule my life, or my decisions. I would just live everyday to its fullest, as if tomorrow was always a possibility.

"I would like that very much, but are you sure?"

"Of course we're sure. We'll miss you too much when you go to wish for it to come any sooner." Elizabeth gave me a light hug then left to tell Mr Masen of my acceptance.

"It appears that you are to be stuck with me for a little longer, Edward."

"Are you living with us forever now?" He seemed hopeful as he stared distractedly at the black and white keys.

"No, Edward, just a little longer. I can't stay with you forever, even if I wanted to." It was true. I would love to watch him grow up and be like his big sister, but I couldn't make those kinds of promises. I could promise that I would always be his friend because that would never change; the only issue was that he might not always know it.

"I don't want you to go." He hung his little head, and I gently stroked my hand over his messy bronze hair. I might not always be able to show him, but I would always love this little boy. He had won over my heart the moment I met him because he saw an angel when I thought myself to be a monster.

"Just remember, Edward, I'll always love you even if I'm not here." He took me seriously for a moment before his nose wrinkled up.

"Ewwww that's icky. Girls aren't supposed to love boys." I giggled at his statement and peppered him with kisses just for the pure amusement of watching him squirm away from the affection, all because I had 'girl cooties.'

* * * * *

I groaned as the curtains shifted, allowing a crack of bright light to hit my face. It was morning and time to live another day. I always woke up ecstatic to know I hadn't faded into another life overnight.

The guest room in which I had been staying still looked relatively neutral; you wouldn't immediately know that someone actually occupied it. However, I had been here four months and gradually little things had started to appear to mark my presence. Whether it be the dressing gown that hung on the door hook or the slippers that waited by the side of the bed.

I didn't display any ornaments or sentimental pieces that held any particular memories; they were all packed into my travel bag. I had bought a proper sack to keep in my room with a few more things stored in it. Although I had my travel bag, which I took out with me wherever I was, I thought it best to have a larger sack left at home. That way if I was lucky enough to make it back here before I vanished I could have a larger place to carry things.

Last night I had packed all my clothes and gifts from the Masens into this large sack. It would be coming with me when I left for the orphanage later tomorrow.

I knew Elizabeth and Mr Masen were worried about whether or not they were making the right choice sending me to the orphanage, but I had put on enough of a show to reassure them that it was for the best.

I couldn't live with them for the rest of my life. Firstly, it wouldn't be legally correct and, secondly, it would only be harder to move on (when I would eventually have to) if I got more settled in their home.

Mr Masen saw reason, but Elizabeth still seemed unsure about the whole situation. I would often catch her watching me as if sending me to the orphanage would be the last time they saw me. I knew it was a very high possibility that she would be right.

This past month I had felt time start to shift. Not the surreal tension that comes just before the jump but like a tingle that seemed to be becoming more present. Like the jump was slowly creeping up on me but giving me the chance to tie up loose ends rather than springing on me out of the blue.

It was during this last month that I obeyed the tingles requests and slowly began preparing for the jump that was bound to happen soon. The small amount of money I had been given to buy food or clothes whilst about town was now packed away in my travel bag. It wasn't much but it was worth around £20, so definitely a large enough sum to survive on.

I sighed as I got out of bed and looked towards the sack that sat in the corner of what would soon no longer be my room.

I smoothed out the covers on the bed, enjoying the texture of the soft cotton against my skin. I thought I may have gotten used this kind of simple pleasure, but I never did. Every night I relished in the feel of the complete comfort surrounding my small frame.

A soft knock on the door sounded through the quiet room and I rushed to open it. It was a habit; I always opened the door instead of forcing my guest to open it themselves.

"Morning, Sarelle, are you ready for your birthday breakfast?" I nodded excitedly, and Elizabeth offered me her hand to lead me down to the dining room. I felt a little silly in my night clothes. I nearly always got dressed before going downstairs. Not that it was a rule in the Masen household, more just that I felt self conscious entering such a formal room as the dining room with my hair still messed from sleep.

"Morning, Mr Masen, Edward." I smiled shyly as I entered the room behind Elizabeth. Mr Masen had been reading the morning paper whilst Edward sat excitedly at the table, grinning between me and the small box that sat wrapped in front of my usual seat.

"How many times must I ask you to call me Edward?" Mr Masen teased and I blushed.

"Always once more, sir." He grinned shaking his head at my constant manners. It wasn't that I felt uncomfortable around him, more that he was the head of the household, so I felt it necessary to always show the proper respect.

I sat at my seat staring down at the small box in front of me. It was rectangular in shape but relatively flat. I felt m curiosity flare at what it could be.

"We wanted to get you a gift and this seemed ideal for a girl as young as you, with your whole life ahead of you." Elizabeth smiled at me and made a notion for me to open the gift.

I tore into the paper and peeled back the cover of the box.

I gasped as my eyes fell upon a beautiful red leather bond diary, along with a smart solid silver fountain pen.

"Thank you so much, I can't believe you did this for me." I marvelled at the wonderfully rich cherry colour of the leather case. I had never thought of owning a diary, though it seemed the perfect way to record the twists and turns my life seemed destined to follow. I stroked the leather lovingly, holding the pen in my other hand feeling the comfortable weight of it.

"There's one more thing we would like to give you. Since you lost everything when your parents died we felt that this small contribution could help, just a little." Mr Masen came around the table from his seat and held out to me something I never thought I would see, a one hundred dollar bill.

I took it with shaking hands and felt the soft crisp paper in my hand. I could smell the used scent coming off the paper. Like old ink and worn paper. Smells that would usually have been unpleasant now seemed so sweet to me.

I had never had this much money, and the fact they had given it to me brought a tear to my eye.

"I...I can't. I can't take this. It's ...too much."

"Sarelle, you can and you will. You have to let people help. We can't survive without it, no matter how strong we are." Edward's father's words rung through me to the centre of my bones. I knew he was right, that I had to accept help when it was offered. I still had that fire my father had, but that didn't mean I had to survive on just that fire for life. I could still be strong even if I let myself rely on other people. If anything it would only make me stronger to have that support system rather than trying to stand alone.

"Thank you, Edward." His eyes shone with pride that he had finally gotten through to me in more ways than one.

* * * * *

My birthday soon passed. Just a nice calm day that was spent walking through the park and town streets. Edward and I ran and played along the pond whilst Elizabeth and Edward Snr walked at a leisurely pace behind us.

I was happy and carefree, and it felt amazing to just live my life as an eleven year old girl. I didn't think once about the tingle that was slowly creeping up on me.

I knew my birthday would be my last day here before heading to the orphanage. Then again I wasn't even sure that I would make it to the orphanage. When I thought of it the tingle heightened to a point a thought I would fade away at that very moment.

I said goodnight to Elizabeth and Edward Snr walking up the solid wooden stairs, listening to every small creak they made. Instead of going straight to my room I peeped round Edward's door. His small body was sound asleep in his bed. I found it funny that his hair was in the same state of disarray when he was sleeping as when he was wide awake. Elizabeth was forever trying to tame it but it would never lie flat. To be honest I liked it, it added to his boyish features. It wouldn't suit him to have a perfectly groom hairstyle.

I sighed as I closed the door and went to my room. It was dark except for the subtle moonlight that drifted through the window. I stood staring out at the full silver moon, it shone out in clear definition against the pitch black night sky, just hovering above the roofs of the buildings, squares of yellow light coming from the black outlines of the buildings as people sat in their lit up rooms.

It truly was a beautiful night and I felt happy that I had seen it before I left.

I had made the decision to let the tingle take over me tomorrow after I said goodbye to the Masens. I wanted that chance to say goodbye and end my time here on my own terms rather than in a state of confusion and regret.

With these thoughts of acceptance I eased myself into my warm luxurious bed and enjoyed the feel of it more than usual. Just soaking up everything I felt about my time here. It was tonight that I wrote my first entry in my diary.

I had a feeling it would be the first of many.

**A/N: Review?**

**x**


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Love the reviews so keep them coming :D**

**Happy reading!**

**x**

_For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else. - Ralph Waldo Emerson_

I would like to say my goodbye to the Masens was easy. That I didn't feel any remorse that afternoon as I left their house to join twenty other's at the orphanage. These things I would like to say but can't. The truth be told I hated the way their faces looked as I waved from the street, watching them see me off at the door. Edward's blank face barely hid the build up of tears in his eyes. Even Elizabeth and Edward Snr looked on at me with sad expressions. I didn't want to have them sad at my departure. I wanted them to wave me off happy that they had helped and that I was going to be safe again. Not sad that they couldn't keep me with them.

I had promised to visit next time I could, although I didn't say when that would be. I didn't even know if I would ever be able to see these caring people again.

They had taken me into their home so willingly that it seemed callous to not be able to give them a simple promise of communication or a definite visit.

I knew, however, that is was better to hold back a promise than to tell them an outright lie.

Although this time the tingle merely built and didn't shock me, it was still there. It was still going to tear me away from here. The difference this time was that instead of desperately holding onto this place I would surrender and let the tingle fade me away to whatever new adventure it decided to take me to.

I stood in the orphanage hallway with these thoughts occupying my head. No one was in sight and my locket was clutched in my hand whilst my sack of belongings hung heavily on my back.

The mistress of this place hadn't paid much attention to me when I arrived instead just shuffling me up the cramped dark stairway into a dusty room with an old iron bed. I didn't stay in there long. I didn't intend on even spending an hour or two in this miserable place. That is why I stood in the hallway outside my designated room.

The tingle was a lot stronger now, almost like electric current running mere centimetres from my skin. Just waiting to soak through my body and cause me to disappear from this place.

I took a steadying breath and set my feet solid on the ground. I wasn't sure how I had jumped in the past, but I felt that this time things might be easier. I wouldn't feel the drowning sensation from the dark that used to leave me disorientated and panicked.

I resigned myself completely to the tingle on my skin, feeling nothing but that complete sense of acceptance.

My hazel eyes closed, and I felt the electricity running across my skin making the hairs on my skin stand on end.

There was the same peculiar stilling of time around me. The moment when it goes deadly silent and the air seems a little stagnant.

I relaxed as I felt my skin numb; all I was aware of was my mind and a feeling of self. I knew I was still there, still me, but I also knew my body was no longer part of time and space. Instead it was flying through it to a destination unknown.

After mere seconds of stillness time came back to my senses. Noises, smells, and feelings came back to my solidifying body.

I felt long grass rustle around my feet and the mild temperature played on my skin. The subtle scent of fresh river water ran through the air mixed with the smell of luscious pine, while the sound of a bird flying above me, along with the gushing sound of fast water hitting stones, woke up my hearing.

I still felt strange, like I was fully present.

I opened my eyes and stared down at where my body should be. It wasn't, instead I was like a ghost caught between places. My presence fluctuated making my body appear transparent and just a swirling mist.

Something was wrong.

The tingle still danced on my skin.

I panicked. What if something had happened? Would I forever be caught like this? A person stuck in a state of nonexistence, just a phantom walking among normal people.

I looked out at the place I had almost arrived in- almost but not quite.

Pine trees saturated the mountains in front of me while I stood amongst a field of long grass and meadow flowers. Cliffs fell in sheer drops near me, dropping alongside the rushing rapids. Dark stone peeped out at the top of the mountains where the trees couldn't grow.

The sky was murky with smudges of grey and white covering every inch of would-be blue. It wasn't cold but something sent chills down my back. I didn't feel the peace a place like this should offer.

The call of a hawk chasing its prey above me pierced through the calmer sounds.

I followed its flight with my eyes 'til they rested upon a place at the edge of the cliffs.

I could see the small figure of a woman doubled over, her faint screams of anguish perforating the otherwise tranquil atmosphere.

Was she in pain?

I tried to run to her but my feet stayed glued in the place I had jumped to.

I couldn't make out her features but her hair shone out like a caramel beacon against the mass of green and grey.

I saw her straighten up.

The tingle was fading me away but I longed to stay with this woman, to talk with her, understand why she cried out. To find out what had hurt her so badly to cause her scream.

My desperation increased when I saw her take a step towards the edge of the cliff.

What was she doing?

She could fall.

In the second before the world went black I saw the petite pretty woman leap from the cliff, almost flying through the air for a second.

One marvellous slice of time when it seemed magic existed.

It was a single surreal split second in this timeline when her body seemed lighter than air.

When it seemed gravity couldn't hold her.

One moment that didn't last long enough. I saw her body slip below the edge of the cliff and my world plummeted into darkness whilst hers vanished before my eyes.

* * *

The tingle was completely gone, so I knew this was where I was to stay until time called me away again.

I wasn't met by light when my eyes finally opened, so my breathing was uneven as I stood in the pitch black, fear rising in my body.

I had always been afraid of the dark. It first started when I found myself trapped in the basement during a blackout. I could remember screaming as the wind made whispers sound through the air, and its breeze tickled against my skin like ghouls trailing their horrific claws along my human flesh.

This darkness gave me the same feeling. Like there was something near me, something deadly and evil.

I heard a faint sigh, and I screamed in crippling fear.

The light flipped on and revealed a monster that made a ghoul seem like a fluffy bunny.

He stood several inches taller than me, around 6 ft 4. His white skin mirrored that of what I thought a corpse's would be but lovelier. He wasn't the exact image of the monster that had attacked Carlisle, but his eyes still had the odd red tinge to them. They were more of a mahogany or deep cherry, rather than ghostly glowing red. His hair almost matched the colour of his eyes, the colour so vivid and deep.

He was handsome, but I knew not to fall for his looks. He was deadly and it shone from his unnerving eyes which watched me intensely.

I hadn't moved since the light flicked on, he hadn't either. His body was like that of a statue, stone still and defined.

He inhaled deeply, and I saw his eyes darken ever so slightly. His face twisted in pain like he was battling with something that tore at him from the inside.

My breathing had sped up and my heart raced.

Would he bite me as the other had bitten Carlisle?

Would he leave me to writhe and burn in agony till death finally took me, just as Carlisle had?

I found myself backing into the corner of the room, feeling my way along the wall whilst my wide eyes stayed locked on the creature in front of me.

"Please, don't... don't do it. Please... I don't want to die, not like that...I beg you," I mumbled pleads, barely whispers above the shuffling of my heavy feet.

The adrenaline was firing through my muscles, dilating my pupils, heightening my senses all so that I could better take in the horror in the room.

I wanted to feel the tingle; I wanted to escape to a different time. I would do anything to get away from this man, this monster.

"Be calm. I won't hurt you" His voice was strange but melodious. I felt my body relax against my will. My mind knew he was dangerous but every part of my body wanted to be near him, like his odd red eyes were hypnotic.

"You will. Like _he_ hurt Carlisle. _He_ took him from me," I stammered and my voice cracked when Carlisle's name left my constricted throat.

"Who?" His head tilted. Did he honestly think I was stupid enough to think him a normal human?

"_The vampire_," I hissed it with all the disgust and hatred I had built for that abomination that had bitten Carlisle. All to taste his blood for a second then leave him whimpering on the dirt ridden floor.

Carlisle didn't deserve such a death. He was too good a man to die in such a horrific way.

"Vampire? I assure you no such thing exists." The vampire's eyes were wary, confused and calculating.

"Don't lie! I know it! You're just like _HIM_!" My voice was hysterical. I didn't know if people would hear, but I hoped they would.

"Please, calm down." The vampire seemed panicked and seconds later I heard the scurrying footsteps of people coming towards the room.

I took in the area around me. It appeared to be an office though nothing really filled it. A simple metal desk sat along with a simple metal chair. Two bookshelves stood isolated on one of the stark white walls. The whole place was boring and depressing.

How could someone work in a place like this?

What was this place?

Why was it so desolate and filled with a feeling of desperation?

"What is going on here?" A woman stood short and rotund. Her grey hair was pulled back from her wrinkled face by a clip. She wore shades of blacks and greys making her appear washed out and dowdy.

"Nothing, Mrs Mills. This young girl is a new arrival, I was evaluating her but she's hysterical." The vampire lied faultlessly.

"No! Don't listen. He'll kill you all. I don't even belong here. Vampire! He's a vampire! Please believe me...please." My shouts and sobs rung out through the room and empty stark corridor as two men in white grabbed at my arms and dragged me kicking and screaming towards a metal door.

My heels scraped along the stone floor, wearing away the bottoms and leaving temporary scratch marks to show my struggle. They weren't the only scratch marks there; older ones were dotted on the cold floor. They brought images of situations similar to mine, screaming people being taken against their will. There were chilling noises of screams bouncing off the concrete walls. Moans and groans of others carried eerily through the stagnant atmosphere. They were unsettling sounds and they scared me even more than I already was.

The two men holding me opened the door and threw me into a dark room where no light permeated the darkness. Once the door was slammed and the echo faded, there was no sound to pierce the silence.

I was trapped.

Minutes passed as I tried to ease my body down from the adrenaline rush. Once calm enough, I felt my way slowly around the room. My fingers came in contact with only one object. In the whole dark room there sat only a sack of hay on the floor, my bed.

Not the luxurious cotton mass that I slept in at the Masen's, just an iron bed with a scratchy hard sack for a mattress. I didn't even have the gift of a blanket, unlike when I was with Carlisle.

I lay my shaken body down on the hessian sack and thankfully my dress offered some extra comfort, billowing out around me and giving me something softer to lay my head on.

I closed my eyes, though that didn't really change anything. It was dark when they were open and dark when they were closed.

I shrunk as far into the sack as I could. It was then I remembered my travel sack had been ripped from me when the three people came. That sack had my life in it; I had to get it back. But in order to do that I would have to come face to face with the vampire and that idea sent chills down my spine.

That night my mind was tortured by images of blood, gore, and red eyes watching me in the dark. The only dream like image was that of the pretty young woman flying in the air for that eternal second of weightlessness.

* * *

I don't know how long I was left in the darkness, but finally the door opened to reveal the vampire.

I scurried into the corner of the room and his eyes flashed with sadness.

"You fear me." It wasn't a question.

"I fear nothing but the dark. I _hate_ you for putting me here." My voice was full of malice. It was true I did hate him for putting me in this room where I could find no comfort and no solace from the dark.

"I'm here to allow you out, for a while. However, only if you're good." He stepped aside from the doorway and beckoned me forward.

I shook my head vehemently, I would go nowhere with him.

"You won't come with me? Then I shall stay here with you." I felt shock speed up my heart at the prospect of having to spend time alone with the vampire.

"You will be safe. I promise. The door will be open always. I won't harm you." He inhaled deeply and his expression twisted again before clearing.

"I am in control."

I stayed pressed into the corner, sitting on my sack.

He moved from the doorway and pulled a stool with him into my room. Sitting opposite me and watching my every move.

"My name is Aslo." How did he seem so civilised? The other of his kind was nothing but pure evil wrapped up in human form.

I sat silent, I knew I shouldn't trust him but I felt myself soften ever so slightly to his company.

"You will not tell me your name? I understand your mistrust of me. You have proven yourself to be very bright and oddly knowledgeable. Tell me how is it that you know what others are oblivious to?" His voice was quiet. It wouldn't travel down the corridor. No one would hear a single word uttered.

"I learnt." He seemed a little relieved that I obviously had the trust in him to talk. It wasn't real trust. I just wanted to get out of here and if talking with the vampire would be my way to freedom then I would suffer through it and take the risk.

"Not many know of our existence. No one here would believe you if you told them." That was his warning for me not to tell his secret. I would follow his advice and keep my mouth shut. After all, shouting about him was how I ended up in this place.

A short silence followed and I fiddled with my pale blue dress. It had hay dust coating its surface so the fabric didn't feel nice under my fingertips.

"That is a very pretty dress; did your parents buy it for you?" I watched him briefly before tipping my head to hide behind my wall of blonde waves.

"My parents are dead." The words didn't hurt as much two years after the event.

"I'm sorry to hear that. How did you come to be in my office?"

"I don't know." It was the truth; I didn't understand why the pull had sent me here. Only to endure this constant darkness and be faced with yet another vampire. Even if this one seemed so unlike the first I had met.

"That is unfortunate. I would very much have liked to know how you appeared from nowhere." I was startled by his knowledge of how I had arrived.

"How did you know?"

He chuckled. "My senses are a little better than yours, young one."

"Where am I?"

"Newalk Asylum, Biloxi, America."

"What is the date?"

"13th October, 1915."

He answered these simple questions with simple answers. I had jumped forward, ten years to be exact, yet I still seemed to be in America.

"Why have you not hurt me?" I couldn't understand how he sat here near me having a conversation and not attack me, whilst the vampire had leapt upon Carlisle in a state of being wild and out of control.

"I prefer to control that side of my nature. I have had half a millennia to practice. Not that you do not appeal to me. You smell so sweet, like honeysuckle on a late summer's eve. However, I decided long ago that I would not kill children. They are so innocent it seems monstrous to end their life." I shuddered as he spoke. Taking in everything he said. When he mentioned my smell I discreetly sniffed at my body but was met with nothing sweet or reminiscent of honeysuckle. All that occupied my nose was the dusty smell of corn and hay.

The idea that the man in front of me was over centuries old puzzled my mind. He looked like he could only be twenty-five. Then again, his eyes seemed to hold so many memories behind their maroon irises.

"Now, I think we have endured this room for long enough, are you sure you would not like to accompany me for recreation with the others?" He stood from his stool. I knew he was capable of going so much faster than the human pace he was using.

I stood slowly and took a step towards him. He smiled slightly and left the room ahead of me.

The light hurt my eyes at first as it bounced of the cool white walls. He locked the door behind me as I studied his looks once more. He was handsome but to me it was obvious that he wasn't human. Everything about him seemed out of this world.

He turned to me as I stood there nervously, my eyes flitting around the corridor. There was nothing to hold my focus because it was all monotonous and plain.

"Sarelle," I blurted out. I suddenly felt rude for not introducing myself earlier.

"M-My name is Sarelle." His eyes gleamed at his little victory of learning my name.

"A unique name for a unique little girl. I can tell you will make things quite interesting, Sarelle." His dark red eyes watched me carefully, staring deep into my hazel ones as if searching for something.

After a second he looked away with a look of soft bemusement on his perfectly formed face.

Perhaps I could revoke my prejudice against his kind, in time.

**A/N: Thank you for reading, maybe leave a review?**

**x**


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_'Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed,  
When not to be receives reproach of being,  
And the just pleasure lost, which is so deemed  
Not by our feeling, but by others' seeing._

_- Shakespeare, Sonnet 121_

The time in this place seemed to change between dragging like feet through mud, to racing past in a flurry of seconds.

My conversations with Aslo continued. Each night he would enter my room and we would talk of anything we could think of. It was always at night, not that I could really tell the difference between night and day anymore. Darkness constantly surrounded me unless I walked with Aslo around the light up building after the sunset. He would take me to meet the other patients, though he didn't seem as close with them and often kept his distance. He rarely kept his distance from me; he once said it was like he was pulled towards me. Like something in me had an influence over him that made his affection for me increase above the usual disinterest he felt for the human inmates.

Although I was still wary of Aslo, I preferred being near him than with Mrs. Mills.

I soon learned she was a cruel and unkind woman, despite her supposedly protective role of Asylum Mistress.

I sat cross legged on my bed, my mind subdued by boredom and thought. It was time for food, signalled by the rolling silence coming from the other patients' rooms as the food momentarily ceased their groans and complaints. As always it was served through the hatch in the door. The meal consisted of a bread roll and a glass of water. It was bland and only acted as a way to sustain my life in this prison. It was torture in itself that they fed you just enough to keep you alive, but never enough to really fill you. After this meal the nurses would be coming to visit with their rainbow coloured pills.

Today I decided I would push my luck.

"Mrs. Mills, may I have a glass of milk with my food?" I heard an evil chuckle pass through the door.

"No, child. The milk is needed for the staff. Why do you think yourself more worthy of it than them?"

"I can't survive on these basic meals. Please, just one glass of milk."

"You don't know what you need. You're not well in your head. That is why I decide for you. I know best." Her footsteps echoed as she left me to my bland meal again.

* * *

The months continued to pass, and I felt myself waste away. My body was no longer soft and slim, but instead too lean to be pleasant on a young girl. Aslo still visited me at night, bringing with him my bag after I asked him for it.

During my days I was allowed to sit amongst the other patients, but only once I had been sedated by some potent drug they injected into me. I hated the fog it placed on my mind, but I liked escaping the darkness, so I gritted my teeth and bore the uncomfortably numb state I fell into.

I believed the month to be March. The asylum was still deathly cold, and I spent my time in a constant state of shivering. Eventually, I learned some of the names of the other patients and their stories. Some told of their food causing them pain or their sins haunting them at night. I spoke with these women tentatively for I thought loneliness and despair aggravated their conditions. Perhaps my few words of conversation could help them somehow.

There were others I kept my distance from, such as Ms. Paterson. She had black hair cut short and uneven, and wild, dark eyes that were sunken deep in their sockets. On our first meeting she had struck me harshly across the face, causing blood to rush to the surface. I thought of a rebuttal but was warned off by another of the patients, instead choosing to hold my tongue. I didn't try to talk with Ms. Paterson anymore after that. I learned from others that she had killed her mother and that was her reason for being here. It had caused bile to rise in my throat. To think she had extinguished her own mother's life while I had loved and cruelly lost mine. It seemed an unfair turn of events, although my mind couldn't clearly understand why it hurt me so badly.

Mrs. Mills seemed to be a devout Christian, and although I never followed the religion, I was made to attend the weekly Sunday service. I think Mrs. Mills thought religion would rid me of my ideas of vampires. I hadn't talked about them since the time I came here, but Mrs. Mills still thought I was sick in the head and therefore continued to hold me here.

It was during the mandatory Sunday service that I first noticed Miss Short. She was a little older than me and had similar fair hair, though hers was cut short around her jaw whilst mine now hung an inch or two below my shoulders.

She stood in front of all who attended and read the Testament, her soft voice just above a whisper and giving off the image of her being a little dazed. I assumed the drugs Mrs. Mills so often forced upon us were pulsing through her veins.

After watching her in the service, I introduced myself and discovered her name was in fact Emily. We started to sit with each other during the odd days that we were able to mix. I indulged my love of English as we read poetry and books that Mrs. Mills thought were suitable for us. Emily was always so imaginative, and we would have fun describing what was playing through our minds.

It was one wonderful day in late March when we walked into the recreation room and found a simple piano sitting in the corner. I had rushed towards it as memories of little Edward playing filled my mind. I soon started to spend my time learning to play simple tunes whilst Emily sat beside me staring into space, as if the music took her away from this dreadful place to somewhere happy.

It was true she was a little odd, but like many here I didn't think she was crazy or disturbed. That gradually changed as the days ticked by. It started when her father came to visit.

He was an elderly man with round glasses and a thick tweed suit. I hadn't overheard their conversation or even noticed them in the room as I played a melody out on the piano. However, Mrs. Mills eventually came to tell the father that visiting hours were over. Emily howled and screamed, tears running down her pretty round face as her father watched. His expression was distraught at his daughter's state of anguish. She just wanted to go home with him, and in a moment of bravery I begged him to take her away from this place. My shouts didn't have much of a chance to make an impact on him because Mrs. Mills soon had me bound by her strong assistants. Their pinching grip held me while she injected me with yet another sedative. Emily seemed to get the same treatment, and we were left as limp drugged up bodies lying in our dark cells.

Mrs. Mills liked the control she had over everyone here, so the idea of one of us being redeemed and able to leave angered her. She wouldn't let us be free of her, so she abused her power to keep us in this prison. I could swear that the drugs she claimed cured us were in fact just pushing us closer to the edge of insanity, until one last shove would throw us over the edge, and into the abyss of our own newly distorted minds.

Ever since the day of her father's visit, Emily had gone from a little peculiar to volatile and - though I hated to say it - strange. She could flip in a second, tearing at her clothes until she stood a shaking naked mess in the middle of the room.

She would scream of wanting freedom, crying out about how her clothes constricted her.

Eventually, Mrs. Mills took away her freedom even further. They bound her hands in leather handcuffs. I would watch her with sadness as I sat at the piano. They tied the cuffs so tight her hands would swell and change to a horrid purple colour.

I pointed this out to Mrs. Mills, but she did nothing about it. If anything she tied them tighter, claiming Emily didn't feel any pain. Again, I shouted at Mrs. Mills, and again she sedated me with mercury and left me in my dark room. Aslo had found me that night and watched over me in my poisoned state, never touching me, but offering me security and company by his presence. It was all he could safely give, and I took it readily without daring to wish for more.

The treatment of Emily only got worse 'til the day came when she sat lifelessly staring into space. She was just a shell of the fair minded girl I had known and liked. Mrs. Mills had her tied to the chair at all times, the rope that bound her cut into her tiny waist. Just looking at her made my eyes water.

I hated this place with a furious passion, although Aslo's nocturnal companionship gave me some pleasant moments free from odium.

In spite of his company, I longed for the tingle to run across my body and take me away from Mrs. Mills and the torture she claimed was good for us.

I knew I had it easier than the others. I had heard them screaming about the electric shocks and boiling hot baths. Aslo said that Mrs. Mills believed that the way to cure mental illness was to shock it out of the patients. She employed some form of twisted scientific knowledge to condone the methods. In her mind, she believed the treatments would jolt the patients out of their irregular state of mind and place them back into a normal way of thinking. But what of those who did not suffer such a distorted frame of mind? Did it work in reverse and take them off the road of sanity, tossing them into the abyss of madness and lunacy?

As I heard the wails of torment, I often thought that, although Aslo was considered a monster by biology and accident, Mrs. Mills was a true monster by definition and choice.

I certainly had no doubt in my mind which person I preferred.

* * *

"Aslo, what day will it be tomorrow?" I sat cross legged as Aslo sat, as always, on his stool. He had left the door open behind him to fill the room with some kind of light. He knew how much I hated the darkness.

I was wearing the sack dress the asylum had made me wear. It was uncomfortable, but I thought it was probably a good idea to keep my prettier dresses from the Masens in good condition. I didn't want this place to taint them in anyway, for fear that my happy memories would somehow be affected or lost.

"It will be June 12th 1916," Aslo said as he gazed at me. I used to feel uncomfortable under the stare of his cherry coloured eyes, but I didn't feel unsafe with Aslo any longer. He was a friend of sorts.

It had been eight months in this hell hole and still I felt no tingle. I was starting to wonder if I ever would, or if I would be forever stuck in this stone fortress.

I sighed in frustration and Aslo's face smiled sadly before he looked towards the wall as if he could see straight through it.

"You have a new friend next door. Her name's Mary Alice Brandon. She sees visions of the future, such an unusual little thing. We are getting quite a collection here, aren't we? A time traveller and a psychic." Aslo chuckled, and I grimaced.

He could be so blunt sometimes. When I had eventually told him of my time jumps he had spent hours questioning me, as if I was some fascinating specimen he had found and taken back to his lab to dissect.

I didn't like the idea that he thought of me and this Mary girl as just humans to add to his vast memory or collection. It was due to our gifts, or unique abilities, that we were stuck in this place, and yet he saw it as fate's way of giving him something to capture his interest. That idea sent fury to cut through the haze in my mind.

"I am not part of your collection, Aslo. This is my life, do you not understand that? I don't want to be different. I want to be able to live like everyone else," I hissed, and Aslo watched me with sad ruby eyes.

"I didn't mean to offend you, Sarelle. I should have known I was being heartless." We lapsed back into silence.

"What is she like?" I was curious about this Mary girl, to see the future must surely be an interesting ability to have. No doubt Mrs. Mills would come down hard on her.

"She's a tiny little thing. About fifteen I think. Her parents had her admitted here, though she begged them not to. It says in her record that she has been in a hospital similar to this place since the age of seven. They thought they had cured her, but she confessed to her mother that they had not. She seems strong, like you, and optimistic. She might just survive this place, if she has a friend such as you." Aslo smiled, but I could see something else in his eyes.

"She has captured your heart, hasn't she?" It was right there in his eyes. He had only known her a few short hours, but this girl had drawn Aslo so far in he was unable to find his way out. I didn't feel sad about this; instead I was thrilled that he had found someone to stop his loneliness even if it was a girl ten years his junior.

He had often talked of his many years alone, and how he had watched friends or acquaintances leave and find love, leaving him in his current state of solitude.

Aslo deserved to have someone. Although, I might not have come to the same conclusion the first time we met. However, my mind had changed dramatically after talking with him.

"Promise me you will look out for her when I cannot. Keep Mrs. Mills from harming her. Can you promise me that, Sarelle?"

I nodded, though my motion was slow and lazy due to sleep creeping over me.

Aslo left me to sleep, and I thought I heard the vague sound of the door next door opening softly.

* * *

Aslo had been right about Mary Alice Brandon. She was strong. She was also happy and bright, like life would never get her down. She was tiny, like a pixie with a matching pixie face framed by long dark hair. Her eyes were a dark chocolate brown. They should have seemed flat, but instead they shone.

We soon became friends, talking for hours together about what we would do when we finally escaped this place. We never discussed our abilities, purely because Mrs. Mills or her drones were always close by, lurking in the shadows.

Although there wasn't much to do here, we would find ways to entertain ourselves. Mary would stand by the piano singing sweetly as I played out the few tunes I had learned in my time here. My time at the piano would always remind me of Edward and the promise I had made to visit the Masens one day. I longed to see them, just a glimpse or a hello. Maybe even a chance to show them my new talent.

It was at the piano bench that I sat now, whilst Mary sat across the room reading a book which I had not seen before. I would know, as I had read every volume in stock.

I played a soft melody to end the silence around us, trying desperately not to turn my head towards the direction Mrs. Mills had entered.

I continued to play as Mrs. Mills went over to Mary and grabbed the book from her hands.

"Where did you get this, Mary?"

"Aslo gave it to me," Mary answered with a simple polite voice, nothing that should reasonably incense Mrs. Mills temper.

"Don't be silly girl. Why would Mr. Finn give you such a thing? You're not worthy of gifts. You will only get gifts when you stop telling lies child!"

Mary continued to stare at Mrs. Mills as if she was talking rubbish. If I were not certain of her sanity then I would think her mad for such an action.

"Excuse me, Mrs. Mills, but I do not tell lies."

Mrs. Mills turned purple with rage, and I grimaced at what would come next.

"You will not be so disrespectful as to lie again straight to my face!" Mrs. Mills' hand raised high in the air. I couldn't let her harm Mary. I had promised Aslo.

I leapt at Mrs. Mills, clinging desperately to her back as she stumbled at my weight.

Mary giggled in front of us, and I joined her laughter as Mrs. Mills thrashed around trying to remove me from her back.

"You devil! Get off me! Guards!" I jumped off Mrs. Mills and grabbed Mary's hand. We sprinted together through the corridor and into my room, slamming the door behind us.

All that could be heard was the pants of our breathing, and the odd stifled laughter at the event that had just occurred.

"Perhaps we are crazy. We would have to be to do something like that." Mary giggled at her statement and I joined her. I knew Mrs. Mills would punish us at some point, but it was worth it for the moment of hilarity.

"You truly are a good friend, Sarelle. But because of this I wonder why you're going to leave me." Mary's voice was distant, as if she was looking somewhere far away.

"I don't understand, Mary. I can hardly leave. Do you really think Mrs. Mills would declare me sane after what happened in there?" I giggled but Mary didn't.

"No, I can see it. You're going to disappear. One day Mrs. Mills will open your door, and you won't be there. I will be left without you." Mary's voice was tainted with tears that I could hear but not see in the darkness.

"Mary, when that time comes Aslo will tell you why I couldn't stay. I never plan to leave, but sometimes things just happen. Can you understand that?"

"You forget, to me things never just happen. I see them coming. This time I have to admit I cannot see a reason for your disappearance." I could feel her body near mine on the floor. She was the same size as me even though she was four years older. I figured it was due to the years of poor diet in the asylum she had stayed in previous to this one.

"There never is a reason. Not one that I can find. It just happens."

That was the last thing I ever said to Mary Alice Brandon. Mrs. Mills made sure we stayed separate from each other and unable to communicate. She was sure that we plotted against her, tapping messages through the wall or using some kind of telepathy. Her ideas made it so that I questioned her own sanity rather than that of the patients.

Although I was no longer allowed to converse with Mary, I often told Aslo to tell her I missed her. Life had drifted back into the boring existence I had half-lived before Mary arrived.

With the boredom came that familiar tingle. I welcomed it more than I ever had. The very thought that I could escape from here was the only reason I lived through the days.

Aslo visited me one night, and it was the night that the tingle raged around me. I knew I would not be here the next morning, just as Mary had predicted.

Aslo seemed to sense my feeling of acceptance and peace.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" His voice was all I could register in the darkness, it held sadness but curiosity.

"I think I am. The tingle is more present than ever. I just have to let it soak through me and then I will be gone from this place." Even my voice held a serene tone to it.

"You have been a dear friend, Sarelle. I'll miss you, though I can't bring myself to ask you to stay."

"Make sure you look after Mary. Don't keep her too much longer, Aslo. She may be strong, but there's only so much a person can endure before real insanity takes hold."

"You seemed to have managed fine. You've lasted eleven months in this place. That's quite an achievement for an eleven year old girl. Then again, what did I ever expect from a girl with fire in her eyes." I could hear Aslo's smile in his voice. I sighed at his comment. I hadn't seen a mirror in months. Nevertheless, I knew my hazel eyes would always carry those gold flecks, the fiery specks lighting up the smudgy mix of greens and browns. Just as those gold flecks would always be present, my strength and tenacity would always be present.

I walked over to pick up my travel sack. I hadn't really added anything to it but my weak body wobbled with the weight of it on my back.

"I wanted to give you something, a way of remembering me." He handed me a thick book. I could feel no title on the front. There was no way of knowing what it was in the darkness. I couldn't even open it up to read because there was no light to help me.

Aslo seemed to pick up on my confusion.

"It's nothing much, just something for you to look at now and then. It's just sketches, little drawings."

"Thank you, Aslo. This means a lot. Would you be okay with me hugging you goodbye?"

The tingle was buzzing furiously, eager for me to let it have its way.

"How could I not?" I felt Aslo's body near mine, and I slowly wrapped my small arms around his waist. It was just a few seconds of cold rock against warm flesh before the tingle faded me out of his arms. I vaguely heard his sad sigh as I slipped from his grasp, slipping from the strange safety of his arms into the unknown of time and space.


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

_Change is the only constant__ - Proverb_

I had yet to open my eyes, but I could feel that the air was hot and sticky. My skin was already heating from the sun that beat down upon me.

I didn't want to rush my senses, so I inhaled to wake up my sense of smell without opening my eyes. The air was thick with the scent of dust, gun powder, and something that smelt like alcohol. There was also the pungent fragrance of horses and hay.

I finally let my eyes open to the bright sun that I had felt moments ago against my closed lids.

The sight I saw was a lot more comforting than the last time I had jumped. The sky was a clear, endless blue - nothing but the bright pulsing sun interrupted it.

The ground was a mix of reddish orange dust and dirt which flew up in the air when a slight breeze flitted over it.

I seemed to be standing on the outskirts of a town. Wooden buildings rose from the ground in varying heights. It wasn't quite the regimented structure of Chicago, but it still showed it was a town with a society of its own.

From where I stood I could see that the flat ground stretched out in all directions. It was interrupted now and then by trees, or patches of grass that seemed to act as fields. Farmland was dotted on the expanse of land a little outside of the town's outskirts. However, it wasn't the fields or farm buildings that caught my attention. Out in the distance I could just about make out a large cluster of tents, hundreds of them situated on the flat ground in varying colours. That was the only detail I could distinguish, but I felt that they were more than just travellers' tents.

I pushed aside my pondering. I had to adapt to this place, and that would mean changing my clothes as soon as possible. Although my thin hessian smock dress from the asylum was ideal for the temperature here, it also had the name of _Newalk Asylum_ printed on its fabric. I didn't want people seeing that and assuming I was an escaped lunatic.

I scurried quickly across the dusty, hard ground to an alley between two buildings. The faint smell of pine drifted off their wooden walls. My hair was still dirty, and I knew my skin was in no better shape. I quickly removed the soap I had in my bag and washed the skin that would be on show using water from a tin trough by the side of the building. I scrubbed at my hair to clear it of some of the grease that had built since it was last washed. I swiftly rummaged through my travel sack for something suitable to wear. I found a sun dress Elizabeth had bought me. It was white cotton with a yellow sash that passed around the waist. I removed my dress and switched it for the light cotton fabric. The sundress fell softly to just below my knees, and the collar was decorated with small yellow flowers. It made me feel feminine and exactly like the young girl I was.

My hair was wet, but I knew the heat of the sun would soon dry it into its natural form of blonde waves falling down past my shoulders. I packed my possessions back into the large sack and hauled it onto my back, creeping out of the alley way into what seemed like the main street of the town. People passed by me on horses and in carriages. Some looked at me with curiosity, but others just ignored my presence. As I continued through the town, I noticed I wasn't the only one carrying my whole life in a bag. Families travelled around in clusters, chatting about where they were heading next, and where they would get their next meal.

I didn't know how long I walked, but I soon found myself at what seemed to be some kind of tavern or inn.

I entered the building and my footsteps caused creaks from the floor. It wasn't much cooler inside than out. The establishment wasn't deserted, but neither was it full. A long counter ran the length of the room whilst rickety wooden tables and chairs filled the remainder of the room. Stairs led up the side of the room to a balcony which had doors coming off it. I assumed they were bedrooms of some kind. At least, that was what I hoped. I would need somewhere to stay while I was in this place.

A dark-haired, elderly man with tanned, leathery skin stood behind the counter cleaning a cash register. Bottles of amber and clear liquid were lined up behind him. A few men sat at the tables drinking, their expressions varied between jovial alertness to something close to a haze.

The elderly man looked up at me from what he was doing, his dark, honeyed eyes lighting with intrigue. I imagined he used to be a handsome man when he was younger, but now time had taken its toll on his features.

He gave me a grin that flashed his teeth and showed the glint of a gold filling. I smiled back and edged forward.

"Hello, sir, would it be possible for you to sell me a newspaper? I have been travelling for such a long time that I am unsure of the date." He nodded at my explanation and turned behind him.

"There's so many like you, folks who seem lost in their travels. It's a shame the war has forced people out of their homes. Don't worry 'bout the money, I'm done readin' it 'nyway." He sighed and handed me the paper before he went back to what he was doing. I looked for the date of this place and some kind of information on what was happening.

**Daily Texas News**

**August 16th 1863**

**CIVIL WAR: FEDERAL ARMY ATTACKS, CONFEDERATES HOLD STRONG**

Three simple pieces of information and yet they told so much.

I was in the state of Texas, America, and there was a war going on, a civil war, which to me seemed the worst of all. Carlisle and Andrew had said that the civil war in England had been brutal. According to their recounts, it had been a time of brothers killing brothers, all because they had a difference of opinion.

I stood trying to figure out what I would do next when the bell on the door rang out.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen," the man said as a pair of footsteps approached the bar.

"Business been good?" one of the new men asked.

"Yeah, busier than a two dollar whore on dime day." The three men chuckled at the phrase. I was shocked that they laughed about such an awful profession as prostitution, but perhaps people here weren't as cautious as those back in England.

"I read y'all held off those Federal bastards." The elderly man was smiling fondly at the two men who stood beside me. They were dressed in dark grey woollen uniforms; gold buttons decorated the front whilst two gold stripes were stitched onto the sides of their arms. They both carried large muskets and a leather satchel.

Just looking at them I felt hot and uncomfortable. How could they stand to be in that heat in those uniforms?

I sat on the bar stool with my bag at my side, quietly listening to their conversation as I pretended to read the newspaper in front of me.

"It was a great achievement, but we've learnt that they plan on sendin' another six hundred men to attack in the next few weeks. I'm havin' to rethink our plan of action. 'Cause like my momma said, the time to kill a snake is when he raises his head," the first man said, but to me it was as if he used riddles.

"I know you'll do what's best, Major Whitlock; you've out smart'd them so far." The elderly man seemed so sure of the statement that I had to turn to see the man he spoke of.

I was startled to see a man of no more than twenty years old. When Edward Senior and I had talked briefly of war, I had learnt that a Major was a very high rank. It shocked me that this man was so far up at such a young age.

He turned towards me, noticing me watching them. He had such a strong posture, and glorious curly, honey-blonde hair with highlights from the sun. His skin wasn't as tanned as the elderly man's, but it held a faint golden tone that made his navy blue eyes seem to stand out.

He smiled slightly at me, and I looked away, blushing at being caught staring at a stranger.

"Well, hey there, little lady. What is such a sweet little thing as yourself doing in a place like this?" His voice was soft but had a twang to it that made me blush further. I believed he was what Elizabeth would call a ''southern gentleman''.

I pulled my posture up and looked directly at him, mustering as much confidence as possible to fill my body. I held out my hand to him as I introduced myself. I may have only been an eleven-year-old girl, but I was more than able to hold myself as a young woman.

"Hello, sir, my name is Sarelle. I've just arrived in this place from travelling and hoped to find a place to stay whilst I was here."

He chuckled, maybe at my confidence, and bent to place a light kiss on my hand. I giggled as he smiled at me.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sarelle. My name is Major Jasper Whitlock n' this is my fellow comrade Lieutenant Ashton Powell Johnson."

The man beside him tipped his head as a greeting, and I smiled at him politely, taking in his near black hair and light hazel eyes. He was older than Jasper, probably about thirty, but he didn't seem bothered that the young man was ahead of him in the ranks. Something told me Jasper could charm anyone into liking him. I knew I already had a soft spot for him, and I had only known him for a matter of minutes.

"That'll be a purdy little accent you have there, Sarelle, where'bouts you comin' from?" Jasper tilted his head in curiosity.

"My parents and I are from London, England, but they died two years ago."

"So, how were you plannin' on stayin' here, Miss Sarelle? You hidin' a fortune in that bag of yours?" Jasper chuckled.

"No, sir, not a fortune, but hopefully enough to afford a room in this fine establishment," I said politely.

"Well, I guess you can't tell how deep a well is by measurin' the length of the pump handle." Major Whitlock grinned at me, but I had absolutely no understanding of what he'd said to me, so I just nodded and smiled before turning my gaze to the owner.

"Margaret!" his voice bellowed, and an elderly woman rushed down the stairs to stand next to us all. She had brilliant red hair and soft brown eyes that settled on me.

"Honestly, Sam, no need for shoutin'. You'll burst this here poor girl's eardrums." The three men chuckled and Margaret's strong laughter shook through the room. She seemed like a loud character.

"Come on, darlin', we'll get you settled upstairs. It's nice to see you again, Major Whitlock, Lieutenant Johnson." She turned swiftly, her long skirt swirling behind her. I reached for my large bag, but a firm hand on my shoulder stopped me.

"Please allow me, Miss." Jasper smiled at me, and I nodded my consent, following Margaret up the stairs.

"So you goin' to have company comin'?" Margaret asked, but I didn't understand what she meant by ''company''. The tone of her voice told me it wasn't merely family and friends she was talking about.

"No, I have no family or friends."

"Right, well, I guess a single room is best. I'm Margaret, by the way, as you probably heard. You can call me Maggie." She bumbled round the small room. It was simply decorated with a plain pine bed which had cream coloured bedding. A desk and cupboard sat against the cream painted wooden wall.

I padded across the wooden floor and sighed when I sat on the bedding. It wasn't as soft as the bed at the Masens', but it was luxurious compared to my sack at the asylum.

"Thank you so much, Maggie. How much does the room cost?" I knew I only had 120 dollars, but as I had landed further into the past, I was hopeful that it would be enough.

"Well, it's five cent per night, that'll include meals. You can get food at eight till nine in the morning and six till eight at night, downstairs. Just be careful in the bar later in the night. It tends to get a little busy, and some of those men are 'bout friendly as fire ants." Maggie was wrestling with the blinds to get them open and flood the room with fresh air and light.

"Please allow me, Maggie." Jasper stepped forward and soon had the blind open. I went to my bag and rifled through to find my purse.

"Thank you, Jasper. Always handy to have a strappin' young man as yourself around."

I took out a dollar bill and held it out to Maggie, seemingly distracting her from hers and Jasper's conversation.

"Would you be able to take this as payment for the next month?" Maggie gawped at me as I held out the dollar bill.

"S-sure, one month it is. It will be a pleasure havin' you here, Sarelle. I'm sorry but you never told me your last name." Her statement made my mind whirl furiously. I couldn't remember my last name, that little thing that told me where I came from.

I stroked over the locket on my chest, and Maggie eyed it, probably amazed that I had such a pretty possession.

"I... I can't remember." She seemed surprised I didn't know such a basic piece of information.

"Well, I guess that doesn't really matter. It'll be nice to have such a purdy young girl as yourself aroun' here. I'll have to introduce you to my daughter Katelyn, she'll like havin' another girl here. Perhaps you can talk some sense into her. I tell you that girl has diarrhoea of words and constipation of thoughts**. **Wouldn't you say, Jasper?" Maggie chuckled, her large frame shaking with her laughter.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that, Maggie," he replied.

"No, 'course not, 'cause your momma raised a perfect gentleman." Maggie grinned before she left the room.

"Thank you very much, Major Whitlock, you really didn't have to." I lugged my bag from where he was standing to prop it against the desk leg. I glanced out the window at the view down onto Main Street and then out to where the cluster of tents was situated.

"It was my pleasure, Miss. Are you sure you'll be OK alone?" He was probably concerned that I was a young girl alone in this town. It didn't seem so dangerous to me. Not compared to some of the things I'd experienced.

"I will be perfectly fine, Major Whitlock, but thank you for your concern. I've been without my parents for two years now, it's not so bad." He looked at me with concern but also respect. As if somehow he knew I was strong enough to survive. He nodded goodbye to me and left me to admire my new home.

* * *

I spent the rest of the day relaxing in my room, looking through the book Aslo had given me. It was fascinating; the sketches were full of detail and looked as if they would leap from the pages.

There were many drawings of beautiful landscapes, such as beaches in the moonlight, the view from the top of a mountain, a town from afar. It was clear from the sketches that Aslo had seen a lot of the world and stayed in many exquisite places. Parts of the world I could only dream of visiting.

Along with the landscapes there were people. Women who looked worthy of being goddesses, every one of their features defined as if they were sculpted. It surprised me that Aslo had met these women and never fallen for them. That instead he chose Mary, a fifteen-year-old girl from an asylum. Then again, I shouldn't have been surprised. The sketches of the women didn't show the same love of life as Mary's eyes did.

There were many pages, so I chose to only flick through them rather than look at every page. Near the end I discovered an image which I found both heart wrenching and thrilling in equal measure.

It gave me hope but also scared me at what it could mean.

I stared a little longer at the picture before me. It was _him,_ captured perfectly with lead pencil and paper.

Carlisle.

There wasn't a fully detailed explanation of Aslo's meeting with him, just a short passage.

_Carlisle Cullen, 1832. Compassionate and kind. A visionary._

I stared at the man on the page. He was definitely Carlisle. Every feature matched perfectly with the man I had stayed with when I was just a nine-year-old girl. His eyes still looked soft and gentle even drawn on the page. However, if this was the same man, then the idea that he was still alive and the same age, nearly two hundred years after I had watched him in agony on the floor, pointed to only one thing. He was a vampire.

He drank other people's blood to survive.

He wouldn't have the same soft blue eyes anymore; instead, they would be an unnerving ruby red.

I knew Aslo was a vampire as well, and I knew he killed people to survive, but for some reason I had never really thought of it. Maybe it was because I wasn't in the real world when I was in the asylum. Everything was distorted either by the drugs Mrs. Mills pumped into us, or the odd behaviour the other patients displayed.

In that place, Aslo may have been a vampire but he acted so human, it was easy to forget he murdered on a regular basis.

I couldn't imagine Carlisle ever doing that, but if he really was a vampire then surely he would have no other option.

I felt a tear fall down my cheek at the thought that Carlisle was now the thing he had once hunted. He would have lost everything.

I heard a faint knock on the door.

Before I could reach it, it opened just a crack and a girl about my age peeked around. She had dark auburn hair and chocolate brown eyes.

"Hello, you must be Sarelle, I'm Katelyn." The girl stepped boldly into the room, and I took in her appearance properly. Her hair was the perfect blend of her father's chocolate brown and her mother's vivid red. Her skin wasn't the same shade as her mother's, not the same fair skin that would burn so easily in the sun. Instead, this girl seemed to have a faint tan that set off her hair wonderfully. Her outfit was a simple green sun dress decorated with white lace on the collar and around the ends of short sleeves.

"It's nice to meet you, Katelyn." I quickly swept the tear away from my face. She didn't need to see me cry. She would only try to give me sympathy but it would be empty. She didn't know me well enough to feel any real pity for me.

"My momma told me to come fetch you for dinner. She said you needed fattenin' up." Katelyn grinned and came forward to grasp my hand before pulling me with confidence out the room. I didn't bother protesting. The smell that hit me as soon as we left the room sent my stomach twisting in starvation. I had gotten used to not eating very often, but the smell of roast meat and fresh vegetables made me ravenous.

Katelyn led me to a small wooden table in the middle of the room, which was definitely busier than this morning. Soldiers, farmers, and labourers sat at the tables and along the bar, laughing and talking. Some were playing cards while others were just relaxing after the day's events.

Katelyn soon arrived back at the table with a full plate of roast chicken, peas, and sweet corn. I dove into the meal, devouring it as fast as I could. It tasted heavenly: the chicken was moist and the vegetables were full of flavour that lit up my taste buds.

"Someone's hungry!" Katelyn giggled next to me, slowly making her way through her meal whilst I finished off mine.

"I'm sorry, that was very rude of me. But the food is delicious." I shifted shyly at my behaviour. She probably thought I was some kind of barbarian after the way I had eaten.

As Katelyn finished next to me, I looked around at the men who were here. I didn't like the way some of them looked at me. Their eyes were blurry and their gazes fixed on me longer than I thought acceptable.

Katelyn noticed my discomfort.

"Don't you be worryin' 'bout them, they won't do anythin'. Pops makes sure no one bothers his guests." I nodded and sat quietly at the table, fiddling with my hands as they rested in front of me.

"You're not one for talkin' now, are you?" Katelyn was watching me with her chocolate eyes. She was blunt, but I knew she meant well. Obviously in these times etiquette wasn't as big of an issue.

"I'm sorry. I'm just trying to get used to this place, being around so many people. I haven't really had a lot of people to talk to the past few months." I had only had Aslo, Emily, and Mary. Emily had eventually left me in favour of insanity, Aslo would only see me at night for a few short hours, and Mary's company was taken from me by Mrs. Mills. I hadn't realised, but I really had been lonely.

"Well, you're here now, plenty of people to talk to. Momma says you met Mr. Whitlock and Mr. Johnson today. They're fine fellows. I'm goin' to marry Mr Whitlock when I'm older and the war's over. Don't you think we would be a fine couple? Momma said she would be thrilled at such an event. What do you think?"

I sat a little stunned once Katelyn had finished. I had never heard someone talk so fast and about so much in one moment. She didn't even seem bothered by the usual social etiquette since she called Major Whitlock Mr. instead of Major.

"I think Major Whitlock is a true gentleman and clearly he is a good soldier. I'm sure he would make any girl happy."

"He really would. I can't help but blush whenever he speaks to me. He's so handsome in his uniform, and he's always so kind. I mean, Mr Johnson is very nice, but there really is somethin' 'bout Mr Whitlock. Momma says I have to be fourteen before I can get married, but I have told her if I must wait two years before I can get married I might run the risk of losin' my Jasper. It's not like he doesn't have many admirers here, and the war is so dangerous. What if one day he goes to fight and never comes back? I would never have the chance to marry him and that'd truly be an awful thing. Don't you think?" Her hands waved around in the air as she spoke, and I suppressed my giggle when she finally stopped talking.

"Yes, I would think that would be a great shame." Although Katelyn talked a lot and her fast speech made my mind dizzy, I decided I liked her. She was unlike anyone I had ever met, and I found that refreshing. It was nice to meet a girl near my age in a time that seemed to hold no real danger to me.

I knew the war was raging just a few miles out, but this little town seemed safe enough for me to relax for as long as the tingle let me stay here, whether that was days, weeks, months, or dare I dream it, years.


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Hope you enjoy the chapter, there is a little violence but hopefully nothing too excessive.**

**x**

_Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted._

The sun was high in the sky, and its heat was beating down on Katelyn and I as we walked through the town as we often did. My first month here was almost up, and I had settled into this old western lifestyle easily. I wondered if my ability to adapt was just an innate skill, or if I was just lucky to be sent to places where the people made the transition easy.

It seemed Katelyn's parents couldn't afford to let her go to school; instead choosing to give her what Maggie called the 'education of life'. As Maggie had said, ''Nobody ever drowned in sweat.''

This meant Katelyn was to carry out her chores at the tavern when told, but other than that she was free to fill her time however she chose.

It was interesting that, although she had the freedom to waste her days with endless talk and games, she instead chose to use it to read or learn.

She had the same mind set as me - you don't get anywhere without working to get there. As much as I liked playing or just browsing the shops, I liked reading and playing piano more.

We continued to walk through the town, down Main Street.

"I'm sweatin' more than a whore in church!" I chuckled at Katelyn as she wafted herself. "Momma said I have to be home by four to help with the food. Apparently the soldiers are coming into town to celebrate the resistance. I do hope Major Whitlock visits. It seems like months since he last came into town. I do miss him, and I'm certain he misses me too. Don't you think, Sarelle? Don't you think he misses me as much as I miss him? Then again, you must be more concerned with his comrade Mr. Jameson. He has certainly taken a shine to you, hasn't he? It's a shame he ain't too bright. I mean, if you put his brains in a bumblebee, he'd fly backwards," Katelyn babbled, and I listened with amusement as always. I had become a little more accustomed to her way of talking, but it still entertained me that she could ask so many questions but move on before she got an answer.

"Mr. Jameson seems like a very pleasant man." I didn't say anymore than that. It was true that our new acquaintance was a nice boy who seemed fond of me, but he was still six years older than me, even if I had turned twelve just recently.

Mr. Dale Jameson wasn't of any particular rank in the army, unlike Lieutenant Johnson, or Major Whitlock, but he held himself well and seemed to come from a good family. He often came down to town with Major Whitlock and Lieutenant Johnson, visiting Katelyn and I at the tavern when they came to socialise with the locals.

Still, I was only a girl, and I didn't have quite the same feelings for the soldiers as Katelyn did. She got quite excited when she heard that they would be visiting, dressing in her best clothes and making sure her lovely, dark, auburn hair hung in pretty ringlets.

Tonight would be no different. I often wondered if Major Whitlock or Mr. Jameson ever noticed that she made the effort. If they actually appreciated the act, or if their kind actions towards us were merely because we were sweet young girls and it was polite to be kind to us.

Although Katelyn was certain Mr. Jameson held some kind of affection for me, I didn't return the favour. He was good looking with his mid-brown hair that shone with golden highlights in the sun, and his eyes that seemed a mix of honey and chocolate.

However, there wasn't that part of me that felt the flutter that Katelyn seemed to feel around Major Whitlock.

She would talk for hours about how he made her feel, and how happy she imagined herself being when the war was over and they were together. I didn't feel or think any of that when Mr. Jameson was around, although I was quite comfortable in his presence.

That was more than I could say for Lieutenant Johnson. He was never as talkative as Major Whitlock or Mr. Jameson. Then again, he was over twice my age, and probably didn't see the need to talk with young girls. I understood this completely, but that didn't explain why he would watch me as I socialised with Major Whitlock or Mr. Jameson. His hazel eyes would follow me through the room as I moved. It was unnerving, and I didn't enjoy having him around me.

When I had asked Katelyn about him, she had said that he had a wife and child a few towns over but rarely got to see them. He was also a good friend of Maggie and Sam's. Because of these things, I pushed my discomfort to the side and just focussed on enjoying the peace I was living in.

* * *

"Miss Sarelle, A pleasure as always."

"It's nice to see you, Major Whitlock." I curtsied slightly in greeting.

"Please, Sarelle, call me Jasper. I think we've known each other long enough for first names to be appropriate." Jasper smiled and I returned it.

It was eight at night, and like most nights, Katelyn and I had finished eating and were now sitting, talking at one of the tables in the tavern. The tavern was lively as Maggie and Sam served the customers and entertained them with playful banter. I always liked the early evening atmosphere. It had taken some getting used to at first, but I soon got comfortable with the environment of laughter, drinking, and loud conversations. I knew it could be dangerous later in the night, but it was around that time that I usually headed up to my room.

I knew Katelyn often stayed down with her parents 'til the tavern cleared out. She was a bold and fierce young girl so the soldiers didn't often argue with her, especially if she was backed up by Maggie. The mother and daughter pair were quite the team.

Sam seemed quite quiet compared to the two of them, but it suited him and made him and Maggie the perfect couple. They were almost complete opposites but like magnets they stuck together.

"So, I hear the whole regiment is in town to celebrate," I said to Jasper. He had called over Mr. Jameson and Lieutenant Johnson to join him where he sat with Katelyn and I. I could see her foot bouncing under the table at the company.

"Yeah, Jasper here has done us proud. We sent them runnin' with their tails between their legs. I doubt they'll attack again anytime soon." Mr. Jameson explained, grinning at his Major.

"Dale, you give me far too much credit. How am I gonna control my ego if you keep feedin' it?" Jasper and Dale bantered between them as Lieutenant Johnson sat quietly as always.

"So do y'all think our little town is safe, Jasper? I've been so scared." Katelyn batted her eyelashes with a look of innocence on her face while Jasper smiled at her.

"Now, now, Katelyn, you have nothin' to fear. I would rather die than let those federal fiends get their hands on you. It would be such a waste of pretty girls." I almost rolled my eyes at his comment as Katelyn swooned. He was such a charmer and he knew it, poor Katelyn fell for it every time.

"Jasper's right, you have nothin' to worry about. We'll protect you." Dale puffed his chest out and smiled directly at me. I felt bad that I couldn't find it in me to show any real fear of the situation.

I wasn't worried about the war; I didn't feel fear go through me at the idea of guns and blood. I knew there were far more dangerous things out there and definitely more painful ways to die.

"You have given us no reason to doubt you," I said softly.

I wasn't as talkative as Katelyn; perhaps it was because I had grown up in a society where I was taught to be quiet. Children didn't often socialise with adults, and girls certainly didn't talk so freely with adult men. Still, I liked the freedom of being able to talk with Jasper and Dale without being told to hold my tongue.

The night passed as always, although the atmosphere was much louder than usual. The alcohol flowed freely, and Jasper, Dale, and Lieutenant Johnson took advantage of it. Katelyn even managed to sneak a sip or two, but she stopped when it started to make her sleepy.

By the end of the night Katelyn was snuggled into my side in a deep sleep as I sat with Jasper and Lieutenant Johnson. Dale had gone to the betting house to end the night gambling. I had never understood the appeal of squandering your money away on chance, but then again I had learnt to horde things that were precious to me. I had enough experience of losing them.

Jasper and Lieutenant Johnson were both a little bleary eyed from the alcohol, but Jasper was much more cheerful than the lieutenant who sat in his seat switching between watching me and watching his glass.

Katelyn snored softly, and I chuckled along with Jasper. Lieutenant Johnson barely noticed, he seemed lost in his own world.

"Seems someone needs their bed, I'll get Sam to take her up." Jasper wobbled out of his seat and went in search of Sam since Maggie was busy clearing away various empty glasses.

"She shouldn't drink, it's not somethin' a young girl should do," the lieutenant slurred.

"It's not something any person should do in excess. Sir." My tone was a little sharper than necessary, but I didn't like him judging my friend for something that he seemed to do on a regular basis.

"A man can still hold himself after a drink. A young girl just makes a fool of herself." I bit my tongue to stop myself from replying. I had always had a strong protective streak even as a very young girl. My mother said it went along with the fiery gold flecks in my eyes. I gently brushed the locket on my chest due to her memory. I never took it off for fear I would lose it.

"Why don't you call me by my first name, like you do with Jasper and Dale? Am I not _worthy_ of your friendship, _Miss?_" he hissed with heated eyes.

"Not at all, Lieutenant. I was taught to respect a man's rank. I thought you would appreciate such a form of address." He laughed bitterly.

"I find it rather impersonal, Sarelle. I would hate for things between us to be so rigidly ruled by propriety. Not when I believe we could greatly enjoy each others...company."

"If my calling you 'Ashton' is your preferred form of address, then that is what I shall call henceforth."

"That's a good girl." He smirked, and I turned away before a visible shiver ran down my spine. His face never seemed as open and friendly as Jasper's or Dale's.

It was quiet until Jasper came back with Sam behind him.

"Oh, Katelyn, what a silly girl you are. I tell you what, this girl's studyin' to be a half-wit, and I'm afraid she ain't gonna make it," Sam said softly, chuckling as he lifted his daughter from her position beside me. He didn't seem mad, and I was glad Katelyn wouldn't get in trouble for her curiosity.

As Sam carried Katelyn off to her room I rose from my seat.

"It's been nice seeing you both again. I hope you enjoy your celebrations."

"Thank you, Sarelle." Jasper gave me a warm blurry smile and got up from his seat.

"Ashton, I'm headin' to find Dale. Make sure that boy hasn't gone and spent his wages already. Goodnight." Jasper gave Ashton a certain look and stumbled out the tavern door. I heard the door bell tinkle as the door shut behind him. I didn't understand the look on Jasper's face but it seemed to anger Ashton a little. I ignored it; I was too tired to be worried about the tension between Jasper and Ashton.

My feet were heavy with my tiredness as I trudged up the wooden stairs.

"Goodnight, Maggie!" I called down from the balcony as usual, but she was too busy cleaning up and helping the drunken customers.

I sighed as I entered my room. It was always nice and cool at night here. It was a welcomed contrast to the sweltering heat of the day.

I swiftly changed from my blue sundress into the white cotton night clothes I had bought after spending some time here.

I hadn't bought much else, preferring to save my money. I had tried to get a job, but my age went against me, so I was left to just spend as little money as possible when I was here. It wasn't hard. I had enough clothes to live here, and I got fed more than enough at the tavern. I still had the majority of the 120 dollars the Masens had given me.

As I sat on the edge of my bed, I heard the rickety stairs creak at the weight of someone walking up them. It was probably Maggie putting one of the drunk's to bed or a late guest. It wasn't unusual for people to arrive late at night. It seemed a lot of them travelled great distances to escape the more violent war areas.

My door handle rattled, and I went to get it. Maggie often checked on me after she had cleared out the tavern downstairs.

"Maggie, I..." A strong force pushed me into the room and a rough hand clamped around my mouth, stopping me from screaming.

"Sorry, Sarelle, but Maggie is a little busy downstairs. I thought I would pay you a visit to say goodnight properly. A little girl should always be tucked in properly." Ashton's drunken voice was as rough as his hands which he used to force me back on to the bed with ease.

I was too small to put up a decent fight.

His hand arranged me on the bed as his other stayed tight to my mouth.

I lay there petrified at what the malice in his voice meant. Why didn't he just say goodnight and leave? Why was he being so rough with me?

"Now, Sarelle, what do little girls do when their parent put's them to bed?" He removed his hand from my mouth, and I let out a shaky breath. I didn't understand what was happening, but perhaps if I just answered his questions he would leave.

"They go to sleep." My voice didn't have much strength to it. It wobbled slightly, giving away my fear.

"No, No, Sarelle. They give them a kiss goodnight, so where is my kiss goodnight?" His hazel eyes glinted with the moonlight that came through the blinds.

It felt wrong, but I leant forward and placed a small brief kiss on his cheek. It was salty with sweat and rough with his stubble.

Before I could pull away, his hand shot out around my neck, and he forced himself onto me. His lips were hard and painful against mine.

I kicked and struggled beneath him, desperately trying to get him away from me, to get his heavy, hot body off mine.

I felt claustrophobic and trapped. I hated it. It was a worse fear than that of the dark.

His hands ran all over me, and I tried to force a scream passed the vice like grip of his hand on my neck.

My hands pulled at his hair but that only increased his anger and the speed of his actions.

"Play nice, Sarelle. Be the good little girl that I know you are." His voice repulsed me, and the way his large hands grabbed at my waist caused me to cry out.

Why was he doing this?

What had I ever done to him to make him do this to me?

His hand tore at the night dress I had on, and I felt the tears flow freely from my eyes.

"Don't you dare cry! I'm making you a woman, that's what every little girl wants. Isn't it, Sarelle?" I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself as he ran rough touches over my half naked body. He looked down at my figure. I felt like his gaze lit up my pale skin in the dark room and made it all - my flesh - suddenly horrible. Ugly was too kind a word, but the closest one.

Sobs ripped through me. He held my body in his hands, and all I could do was wait for him to decide whether or not I had enough worth to stop him from ruining me. Was that really my only option? Was it better to endure this without a struggle or fight 'til the end?

No. I shouldn't give up.

It would be wrong to let him do this to me.

How would I ever forgive myself if I just _let_ him exercise his wicked actions upon me?

I felt the fire of my strength build in me. I increased my struggling, hitting and kicking at any part of him I could get to. I felt a crunch against my hand as I lashed out at his face. Blood dripped onto me, but he just laughed through it.

Eventually, I must have found his weakness because he soon howled in pain and doubled over, rolling off my body enough for me to leap from the bed in my desperate escape.

My screams ripped through me, loud piercing sounds. I could hear him recovering, and I tried desperately to open the door.

He had locked it.

I was trapped with him in this room, in this hell with him.

He pulled me back to him, causing my arm to ache with the strength of his hold. My screams sounded out until he hit me with such force that I felt my head snap back. I felt myself fall, but the rest was blackened and blurry.

I was aware of vague sounds and feelings: his sick laughter, his hot hands on my body, a loud cracking bang of the door being forced open, loud voices that seemed distorted.

I saw feet in front of me, two pairs of feet that multiplied to three.

Loud angry shouts raged through the room.

I cringed through my shell shocked state at the disgusting sound of skin smashing into skin and then footsteps running down the stairs.

It was quiet.

I felt a blanket cover me. I was glad someone had thought to cover my half naked form. I didn't want the shame of anyone else seeing me in this weak, vulnerable state.

Soft footsteps came towards me, but I was too shocked to move and see who it was.

"Sarelle?" I knew that voice, that soft, charming, masculine voice.

I crumbled into tears. I let them fall down my face, pooling on the floor where I lay.

I wasn't broken, I wouldn't let Ashton break me, but he had certainly left a mark. He had left me with the horrific images in my head where they would probably later form a frightening nightmare.

"Maggie, I think it's best she gets some sleep. I'll come see her tomorrow."

"Thank you, Jasper. I can't believe he would do this, poor girl. What will happen to him?"

"The army won't do a thing about Ashton."

"But how can they ignore this?" Maggie's usually happy voice was full of shock and disbelief.

"I said the army won't, but I will not let him get away with this. He won't serve in the confederate army again. After all, dirt shows up on the cleanest cotton." Jasper's voice was deadly. I was amazed that I couldn't hear a tiny bit of alcohol clouding his speech.

Maggie took me to my bed, and I heard the door shut behind her. Suddenly I was exhausted with having to fight the oblivion creeping over me. I slipped into a painful sleep and waited for morning to erase the night.

* * *

I ignored the few bruises Ashton had given me as I got myself dressed. They were irregularly peppered across my body. Unfortunately, there was one bruise I couldn't ignore even if I tried.

As I brushed my long golden locks, I focussed my dead stare on my hazel eyes. One was surrounded by an ugly, purple bruise from where Ashton had struck me. It stood out clearly on the backdrop of my pale skin and pale hair. Like a beacon flashing to prove I was a weak victim. I hated that.

I had fought him; I hadn't just lain there letting him hurt me. I had inflicted some pain on him, even if it wasn't enough to leave a mark like he had on me. I remembered the blood that had dripped from him after my hand crunched with something on his face. Perhaps I had done something.

"Sarelle? Would you mind if I came in?" Jasper's voice rung softly through the door, and I went to open it.

His eyes widened and then narrowed in anger as he saw the state of me.

"Morning, Jasper. I would like to thank you for your assistance last night." I thought if I treated it as if it wasn't a big issue my mind would get the idea, and I could clear the sickly fluttering in the pit of my stomach.

"Sarelle, I want you to know I deeply regret ever leavin' him last night. I should have known he would do somethin' like this. There'd been rumours amongst the ranks, but I never really believed them. Can you forgive me for being so careless, darlin'?" Jasper's voice was full of sincerity, but I couldn't look into his caring eyes because they reflected a victim back at me. I couldn't bear to see such a sight. I wanted to focus only on the strength that was holding me together, keeping me intact.

"Jasper, you have nothing to apologise for, but if it eases your guilt then I forgive you," I said as I sat quietly on the bed staring at my hands, fiddling with my fingers.

Jasper stayed standing by the doorway; I could feel his eyes on me.

"How badly did he hurt you, Sarelle?" There was more meaning to Jasper's question, that much was clear from his grave tone.

However, I didn't understand him. I knew bruises were bad, but he spoke as if Ashton had done something to me that could change everything and make a black eye seem harmless.

"I don't quite understand your meaning, Jasper, but I can tell you Lieutenant Johnson caused me no permanent harm." Jasper seemed to relax a little at my words.

I heard fast footsteps up the stairway and Katelyn burst into the room. Her eyes were red and tears stained her face. She launched herself at me sobbing into my shoulder.

"I'll bid you goodbye for now." Jasper left the room, closing the door softly behind him.

"Oh, Sarelle, look at you! I can't believe that man could do such a thing! When Momma told me what happened, I just didn't understand how he could be so awful! Are you alright? Did he hurt you very badly?" Katelyn continued to cry through her words. I just sat soothing her sobs as I rubbed her back. I thought it was funny that I was comforting her when it was me who had endured the attack.

_Endured and survived..._I thought with a proud, but small smile.

"I'm fine, Katie, just a few bruises." Katelyn looked at me closely.

"So he didn't, you know... take it?" I sat puzzled about what she had said.

"What do you mean, 'it'?"

"Oh, Sarelle, you don't know, do you? It's a girl's innocence. You know... her virginity." She seemed embarrassed to be talking about it.

"I've never heard of such a thing." I felt silly for not understanding.

"You really are innocent, where on earth have you been livin' these past twelve years." Katelyn giggled, and I liked the fact that the attack was almost forgotten.

"Basically, when a girl gets married, her and her husband do somethin' that means she loses her innocence. She becomes a woman. But don't think what Ashton tried to do was the right way of doin' it. One girl, Shelly, she lost it to one of the soldiers when she was just fourteen years old. She said it hurt at first but after that it's amazin'! Just imagine how wonderful it will be when Jasper finally makes me his." Katelyn was positively giddy at the idea.

"Ashton didn't hurt me, in that way." I knew he hadn't, there was nothing amazing about the way he touched me.

"That's good. Lord knows what he would have done if Jasper hadn't burst through the door. Momma said he punched him right in the face, and that he's goin' to end his commission. Then again, maybe Jasper didn't need to interfere. Apparently you gave him quite a bloody nose, maybe even broke it! You must have quite a punch on you." Katelyn grinned at me, and I felt a swell of pride that I had injured Ashton, maybe even worse than he had injured me.

Katelyn and I went down to the tavern to have breakfast before we set about our daily pursuits. I didn't care what we did as long as I didn't have to think of that horrible man and that horrible night.

* * *

Life in that sleepy town of DeSoto didn't stay peaceful for long. Only a few weeks after the confederate soldiers celebrated their resistance, the federal army attacked. This time it wasn't with small numbers of six hundred men. This time they came in their thousands.

The quiet Texan nights were no longer filled with the peaceful sound of crickets; instead it was the distant echoes of canons and muskets being fired in raging battle.

It seemed like the civil war was right on the doorstep, and it was going to burst through the door at any moment.

It was for that reason that Maggie and Sam ordered Katelyn and I away. They didn't send me away for my own safety as such, more as a companion for Katelyn. It was the only way they could get her to leave.

Maggie and Sam were staying behind for another month to finish up with the tavern. Then they would be travelling to meet Katelyn at San Antonio where she would be staying with her Aunt and Uncle. It was about two hundred miles away.

We weren't the only ones who would be leaving town; another fifty people were moving their belongings to somewhere safer.

It was Jasper who decided that civilians should be removed from the area. Therefore, it would be Jasper and a few of his soldiers who would be travelling with us. I think this was a big factor in Katelyn's decision to submit to her parents will.

I was lying on the cold Texan ground thinking of all this as I looked at the clear dark sky above me. The stars twinkled prettily in the ebony expanse. It was cold, but I had my blanket from my sack, and Katelyn was lying next to me, our combined body heat keeping us both warm.

I could hear the soldiers around us, patrolling the area to keep us safe from the federal army. Jasper had said they wouldn't kill civilians, but I read between the lines. There was a difference between killing someone and harming them. The night with Ashton flashed through the recesses of my mind, but I swiftly locked it away out of sight.

I didn't often think about it, and I didn't let it bother me in my sleep, but there were still times when it would creep up on me.

I heard the horses move around on the hard ground. It was one of the many quiet sounds I could hear along with the mix of sounds that came from the sleeping travellers around me. It was so calm here at night. Gun shots didn't sound through air the same way they had back in the town. It was because of this quiet environment that I could hear the slight buzzing sound of the tingle racing near my ears.

It had only let me stay here a few months. This place where I was relatively happy, and yet it had kept me in the asylum for nearly a year. It wasn't fair. I had friends here. Katelyn, Jasper, Dale, Maggie, Sam. I had a responsibility to be with Katelyn until her parents got to San Antonio. I couldn't just leave her. How would she cope without a travel companion? I knew she would soon make friends, it was just her personality, but Maggie had told me that sometimes her choice of friends were not what she needed. I didn't want to break my promise to Maggie. She was too nice a woman to do that to.

I sighed at what was coming. There was nothing I could do. I couldn't control the tingle. I could just wait it out and hope that when it took me from here we would be in San Antonio, and Katelyn would be safely in the place her parents would meet her.

I sunk into sleep, with the tingle buzzing lightly in my ears.

**A/N: Thank you for reading!**

**x**


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

We had been travelling through the Texan countryside for 2 days now and still not reached our destination. The group was being slowed down by the older generation that weren't able to keep up with the faster spend of the children and young adults. It had been decided that the group would be split into 2 so that the soldiers didn't have to spread out over a large distance to watch over the whole group.

The split had been decided last night and today was the morning that we would be separated into age groups.

Me and Katelyn had already been placed in the younger group which meant we would be travelling with Dale and a few other soldiers. I was happy that I knew one of them but I didn't feel as safe without Jasper.

He was staying with the older group because he decided they would be most vulnerable and therefore would be more of a target.

It was because of his decision that Katelyn now sat sobbing into my green dress.

"It's not fair, why does fate hate me so much? I want to stay with Jasper. He's my jasper. I'll never find another man like him." Katelyn was always so dramatic but it suited her perfectly and didn't come across as irritating.

"You have nothing to worry about Katie. Jasper is an excellent soldier." She sniffled so I thought of some that would definitely cheer her up.

"Just imagine how romantic it will be when you 2 are reunited in San Antonio. You and your Major" Katelyn instantly perked up and her eyes gleamed at the prospect of her and her Major living happily ever after.

I was still unsure as to whether Jasper actually held any affection for Katelyn and so I felt a little discomfort at using the image of him and her to motivate Katelyn.

"Oh Sarelle! Do you really think so? That would be the most amazin' thing. Just imagine how happy Momma and Pops would be when I marry a Major. And he's such a handsome man, we would make a very pretty couple. We must get to San Antonio as fast as possible. I need to find a new dress! I can't be reunited with my Jasper in this rag." She picked at her well made dark red dress as if it was a sack.

The sound of horse's hooves came towards us and we looked up, covering our eyes from the sun, to see Jasper getting off his chestnut coloured horse.

"You will be leaving soon with Dale. I just wanted to give you a goodbye. I hope we'll meet again sometime in the future."

"It's been a pleasure knowing you Jasper and I wish you all the luck in the world" I knew I wouldn't see him again.

"And you Sarelle" Jasper's face showed that he could hear the finalising tone in my voice. I thought I hadn't given it away but Jasper was always more perceptive than others.

The tingle had increased steadily over the past days. I could now feel it humming round in the air around me. I didn't know how much longer it would take to get to a point that it dragged me under but I prayed it would give me 2 more days. At least then we would have arrived at our destination and Katelyn would be safe with her Aunt and Uncle.

I wasn't expected to stay with them so I could say my goodbye's and depart without leaving a mystery behind me. Katelyn would be too busy preparing herself for the arrival of Jasper to miss my presence too much.

I had heard that her Aunt and Uncle had 2 children of their own so Katelyn would have people to socialise with.

"When do you think you'll be in San Antonio? It will be so odd not seein' you every day, you're my favourite soldier" Katelyn was doing everything in her power to flirt with the Major and Jasper hid his amusement at it well.

"I think we shall arrive only a day or 2 after you, Katelyn. Perhaps I could call on you when I arrive, although I'm sure you will have found yourself overrun with admirers by then" Jasper smiled at Katelyn and I saw the blush that rose on her cheeks. It was sweet that she was so infatuated with him. I couldn't imagine what it must be like to feel that way about someone.

"I would like that very much Jasper" Jasper nodded at Katelyn's comments and bid us goodbye before riding off to join the other soldiers he would be in charge of.

He was a lovely man and I knew he wouldn't be like the other soldiers who all drank too much and gambled they're money away whenever they stopped in a town. He would always show a lady respect and charm her with compliments and simple gestures.

I liked Jasper Whitlock and I felt it would be a shame to never see him again but I didn't feel that it was a sad goodbye.

Just another end to another adventure.

* * * * *

I was tired and my legs dragged from the weight of my travel sack. I hadn't slept in a real bed for 3 days, I hadn't eaten decent food in 3 days. I was tired of the same landscape that surrounded me. It was hot and I was getting irritated with the monotony.

These were the reasons I told Katelyn when she asked me what was wrong, not that she did that often. However the real reason for my irritation was that the tingle was making my skin almost itch it was that close. I couldn't sleep properly because it was pressing in on me. It felt like at any moment I would just disintegrate into the atmosphere. I worried constantly about vanishing in front of Katelyn. She would be horrified if that happened.

I needed to get to San Antonio. I needed to leave Katelyn at her Aunt and Uncles, only then could I just give up and give in to the tingle.

For the first time in that week I looked out over the landscape and I could see buildings and lights on the horizon.

"We're almost there! I can't believe it. What do you think Katelyn, just another few hours walking?" Katelyn seemed a little shocked at my outburst. I never really did that.

"I would say a couple of hours tops. Probably get there just before sunset. I can't wait to see my aunt and uncle. I wonder how little Molly is doing? She was only 7 when I last saw her. She has the cutest little strawberry blonde curls. She's like my little sister. It will be so much fun all of us livin' together won't it?" Katelyn's question caught me by surprise. Did she think I was going to stay with her when we got to San Antonio?

"I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time with them," I wondered if Katelyn picked up on the hidden meaning behind my sentence. She would have a wonderful time with them, but not me.

We walked for another 3 hours before we reached the centre of San Antonio. Katelyn's relatives lived just a couple of streets away and we would have left from there straight away but we thought it would be kind to say goodbye to Dale.

He had been a good companion to us over the past few days. He chatted with us when we were bored and made sure we were in a safe place to sleep. I held a lot of gratitude towards him. I wanted to give him and Jasper a letter each for them to read. It would hopefully stop them from searching for me when they arrived back in San Antonio. I knew Dale would deliver it to Jasper because he and the rest of the soldiers were heading back to escort the rest of the civilians out the town.

"Dale, thank you for looking out for us over these past few days. You've been a very good friend" Dale watched me closely and I matched his smile.

"I hope it would be alright for me to visit you when I start my post here" He seemed a little unsure of his question, as if I wouldn't want to see him.

"That would be very nice of you" I didn't say that I wouldn't be here for him to visit.

"Dale, I was wondering if you could give this to Jasper. There's a letter for you too. It's just to say thank you really. I'd prefer it if you didn't read it here. It would be a little embarrassing" I smiled shyly and Dale chuckled. He took the letters from my hand and put them neatly into his uniform pocket.

"Well I guess this goodbye for now" I offered him my hand for a handshake but he took me by surprise and pulled me into his arms. He stroked my hair as we stood there hugging.

He was a sweet man, he would make a girl very happy in the future.

"goodbye Sarelle" He ended the hug and I watched him walk away.

Me and Katelyn made our way to her relative house and I could feel the tingle starting to eat away at my fingertips and toes.

I stayed a few metres back from the door as Katelyn rang the doorbell.

A middle aged woman with the same vivid red hair as Maggie answered the door and embraced Katelyn whilst a young black man took her luggage. I hadn't seen a slave in the town we'd come from but it seemed here they were stilled owned.

I didn't like the idea of a person being owned by someone else but the young man seemed happy enough and he didn't appear mistreated.

"Come on Sarelle, come meet everyone" Katelyn called but her auntie seemed surprised that there was someone else she would have to care for. I couldn't blame her, it would be expensive enough having to look after Katelyn.

"I'm not coming Katelyn. I'm going to stay with my cousin. I remembered that she had a house nearby." I lied but I needed to otherwise Katelyn wouldn't let me leave.

" You sure you don't want to Get down and cool the seat of your saddle?" I vaguely understood that meant come in and rest a while.

"No it's probably best I get to my cousins before dark comes. Thank you though."

"Oh ok, well I guess I'll see you soon." Just as Katelyn turned to leave through the door I remembered my letter to her.

"Katelyn! I just wanted to give you this, just in case it's a while before I see you. You made the past few months a lot of fun. And of course I wish you luck with Jasper" I giggled and handed her the paper. Giving her a firm hug goodbye.

I watched as she skipped through the door leaving me outside with just my big sack of belongings and my locket round my neck. They were everything I needed, no matter where I went.

I turned round the path. I had no intention of walking into town. I walked into the darkness that was increasing as the sun went down and sighed as I felt myself merge with the darkness.

* * * * *

I sighed, the thrill of the time travel had worn off after I arrived in DeSoto, Texas. Although I wasn't certain that I ever really felt a thrill at what I could do. I didn't enjoy having my life ruled by a force I couldn't control.

I did as I had learnt to do through my past few jumps.

I took in my surroundings, keeping my eyes closed just a second longer so I didn't overwhelm my body as I had the first time I jumped.

I felt a rush as warm but humid air hit my skin, the smell of salty water tickled my nose but it was mixed with the smell of fumes, and fatty food. I didn't recognise any of the smells and the noises that came were even more confusing.

I could hear the loud roar or machinery, a lot of it. There were a lot of people nearby as well. Music pumped from somewhere but it wasn't the tunes I was used to. This was strange and unlike anything I had ever heard.

I finally opened my eyes and I reeled at the sight I saw. Sun beamed from the clear blue sky lighting up a beach. The sand was golden and the sea was crystal aqua.

A promenade ran along the front, people ran, walked and glided past. Some were dressed in brightly coloured suits whilst others wore nothing but what I would call underwear. Dark glasses shaded their eyes from the sun. I thought it a little strange that people would cover up their eyes but not their bodies. Women walked in string like garments, their bronzed skin on show to all the men that passed them. I seemed to be standing in yet another alley way only this one was a little cleaner and brighter than the other's I had landed in.

I walked out into the street ahead of me. It was a little more like the Chicago and London I had known but this place was so different as well. I wandered along the sidewalk as people stared at me. I probably looked a little strange, being so covered up compared to them. I still had on my dusty green sundress that had a red sash round my waist. It wasn't particularly long, only falling to just above my knees, then again the people here didn't seem to care much for long clothing.

I stared into the endless glossy shop windows. The majority of them were filled with coloured items of clothing, people buzzing round them like flies round raw meat.

I continued to walk through this strange place. I needed to find a newspaper but there was no way of knowing where to get one. Each of the shops seemed foreign to me. I couldn't find somewhere that even resembled the kind of place I used to buy a newspaper back home.

After an hour or 2 I got too tired to go any further along the stone path. I sat my aching body down on a metal bench, holding my travel sack at my side.

People just passed me by, they didn't offer to help or question me about my condition. I wasn't used to this kind of society, where people just ignored someone.

I was vaguely aware of someone taking a seat next to me but didn't turn to greet them. They would only ignore me, or look at me as if I was deranged. I just sat fumbling with my locket; I wanted to see my parents again. Just once.

Why couldn't the tingle take me back to them, so that I could hear my father's booming laugh or feel my mother's arms wrap round me and make me feel safe and warm. I miss the way her beautiful sleek hair used to tickle my face when she leant down to kiss my forehead and the way her soft yellowy green eyes used to shine with happiness when she watched me and father play hide and seek.

I missed being a child.

"Hey you ok there girlie?" A harsh American accent came from the person sitting next to me. I turned to see a girl only a couple of years older than me. She was dressed in a baggy grey top with skin tight black pants that came down to her knees. They looked like they were made from stretchy material that clung to her body. Her feet were covered by bright white rubber and leather looking shoes with laces up the front. The outfit looked comfortable, maybe more comfortable than the simple cotton dress I was currently wearing and definitely more comfortable than the corseted dresses from 1910.

She was chewing on something but I couldn't see any food in her hand. Her icy blue eyes were watching me waiting for an answer.

"Hello, my name is Sarelle. it's nice to meet you" I stuck my hand forward expecting her to shake it. She looked at me a second any slapped my hand.

"Hey Sarelle I'm Casey. You not from round here are you? You sound all plumby. Like one of those hot totty English folks." Casey looked me over with a curious look on her face. My outfit was very different from hers. I was very different from her. My hair fell in angelic waves of blonde down past my shoulder whilst hers was a mass of dark blonde tight curls pulled back from her face by a band. Her face was decorated with makeup, bright pink lipstick painted on her lips and thick black surrounding her eyes. She must have thought me quite odd with my near ghostly complexion and matching pale hair all clean from makeup.

I broke from my observation of her and answered her question.

"I moved to America a few years ago when I was 10 with my parents. They're both gone now though. Do you know if there's a tavern or inn nearby I could stay for a while?" Casey sat staring out at the ocean in front of us and I wasn't sure if she was even listening to me. I was used to having conversations where the person actually looked at you when you talked.

"I don't know bout any of this freaky tavern or inn business but there's a hostel just up there somewhere. Not sure if they'd take a tweenie without any parents but it's a worth shot. I could take you there now if you want. You're looking a bit worn out." I didn't know what a tweenie was, or a hostel but I nodded and dragged my body up from the comfort of the bench. I hauled my sack onto my back and stuck close to Casey as we made our way through the crowd up along the street.

I had never been anywhere that was this busy or diverse. There were people of so many races here, it seemed so relaxed compared to the past places I been to. Even though I liked that it was so different to everything I ever experienced, it also unnerved me. I didn't get a sense of community from this place. It seemed to be very much a single person society where you look out for yourself only.

I didn't know if I would fit in as well here as I had with the other places in the past.

"I like your outfit, very romantic style, you know. Make's you look like summit out the past. Like one of those sweet little southern bell types. You wanna be careful a girl like you in this place, can be dangerous" Casey continued to walk quickly in front of me weaving easily through the crowd as I tried to keep up. Was life here always so fast paced?

"I know this may be strange but where exactly am I? I got a little lost on my travels." Casey turned to look at me as if I had an extra head.

"Honey you're in Florida. You know Tampa bay, all bronzed bodies and white beaches. Jeez how long you been travelling that you don't even know where you are anymore?"Casey chuckled and kept walking. She didn't know the half of it.

"What's the date?" Casey huffed and turned to me. She must think I'm an idiot.

"Saturday 6th April 1989, you got anymore obvious questions? Girlie if you're gonna have to get that pretty little head screwed on if you're gonna live round here." We rounded a corner onto yet another busy street. Signs stuck out from the buildings advertising various hobbies, items for sale, places to eat, special offers. It was so much for my mind to take in.

So this was the future and not just a few years in the future, it was a whole lifetime in the future. If I had lived a normal life I would be dead by now. That thought made my mind whirl. It was amazing how the world has changed so much in just one lifetime.

We walked a few more hundred metres before Casey stopped in front of a tall but thin building with a metal grate door. It didn't look like an inviting home or inn but if this was the only place for me to stay I would have to accept it.

"Well this is it, Guess you just go in an' get yourself a room. Don't know how much it'll be but it's probably the cheapest option. There's no way you can stay on the streets." I nodded and went to get the door handle.

"Hey Sarelle, maybe see around." Casey was off before I really had a chance to respond.

She took off strutting down the street with the confidence that seemed innate to her. Her tight curls bounced with her movement and I heard the boys across the street whistle as she passed them. I smiled and entered the hostel.

There was a desk right near the entrance and a set of stairs at the far end. It didn't invite me in, it was bland with dirty white wall decorated with ripped posters.

I sighed and tapped the bell on the desk, this place was my only option I may as well accept it.

A tired but happy looking woman came to the desk, her glasses balanced on her nose so her watery blue eyes could be seen clearly. I couldn't guess her age because her skin seemed older but her hair was clear of any grey hair and was a bright blonde. Her sweet perfume drifted thick towards me in the air.

"Hello there dear, how can I help you?" She sat herself in the old leather chair at the desk and turned her face towards a large box like machine.

It was going to take a lot for me to understand this place. I made a mental note to find a library and read as much as possible.

"Hello I'm Sarelle, I was wondering if you have a room I could use, I have money" I pulled out the wad of notes from my bag and the woman's eyes widened at the sight of the notes.

"Well we have a bed but you'd have to share the room with another person. It's $5 a night and you get one meal a day for that. There's bathrooms on each corridor, they're not private but there's locks on each cubicle. How long do you think you'll be staying, petal?" The woman looked up at me through her specs. If it was $5 I would only be able to stay here 2 months before my money ran out completely and that didn't include any other living costs.

"I'm not sure how long I'll be here but could I have the bed for 2 months and then extend it from there?" The woman looked a little confused that I didn't know how long I would be visiting but I couldn't say anything else.

"well that will be $120 please" I handed over my money and she just stared at it.

"I can't take this honey. It's too old. And it's probably worth a lot more than $120. You'll need to go to the bank to get it converted. Where did you get this?" I froze.

"ummmm, it was given to me when my parents died. I think it was my grandparents. I don't know where the bank is, I've only really been here a few hours." I started to panic, what if she wouldn't help me? What if I had to spend the night on the streets? The woman looked me over and then stood from her fake wood desk.

"Look honey I'll do you this one little favourite and go change it for you. Just wait over there and I'll be back as soon as possible. But I have to say, if I'm right, you can't have this kind of money just stashed in your bag. It's quite a large sum and it would be foolish to carry it around with you." She directed me to a battered old sofa with spongy cushions.

I sat there for an hour watching various people come in and out. Young couples smiling as they stepped out onto the street, a young mother lugging a grocery bag in one hand and a child in the other, a small group of girls accompanied by an adult came in dressed in nothing much. The world just passed me by as I sat hoping that the woman would come back. Just hoping she hadn't taken everything from me and left.

I sat staring at the floor when I heard the door open again, the metal grate rattling.

"Sarelle. Here's your money. I've taken the room charge for 2 month off." I bolted upright and rushed towards the woman, just happy she'd actually returned.

She handed me a brown envelope and it felt considerably thicker than the wad of money I had handed her.

"Are you sure there hasn't been a mistake? Maybe they gave you too much?" I was holding the envelop dazed and the woman chuckled at me.

"No, No Sweetie that's the right amount. There's a total of $1238 there apparently the inflation rate had increased the value by quite a large sum" She went back to the desk and retrieved a key with the room number 12 on it. I was still standing stunned. I owned $1238, which was more than I had ever had in my life.

I beamed at the woman with the bright blond hair.

If this was the future, I liked it.


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

The future may have given me £1238 but it soon started to take it away from me.

I had only been in this weird bustling Florida for a 2 weeks but already I had spent $150 and that was just on transportation, a couple of outfits and a few extra meals.

I didn't really need the extra food, the one meal a day at the hostel was enough to keep me going but the smells that saturated the air, when you wandered down the streets, made my mouth water and reeled me in. Before I had even tried to battle with the desire to eat, I was gorging myself on food such as pizza, fries and burgers. If they had food like this in the past people would never have grumbled about the blandness of their meals.

The transportation, however, was a necessity. I could only walk so far before I got tired. That meant I was forced to spend $1 to travel around the city on what I learnt to be a bus. It was basically just a cramped mode of transport in which people ignored each other even though they were within touching distance.

The only 2 places I ever really travelled to on a regular basis were the library and the music and instrument shop.

It wasn't until I stepped into the library for the first time that I realised how much I missed my education. I hadn't been at a school for 2 nearly 3 years and I felt like my brain almost itched for the chance to read and absorb knowledge.

I had always been bright and learnt quickly so the sights of the thousands of books made my mind buzz with the excitement of the knowledge that they held. Their colourful spines all packed into the shelves just begging to be removed.

I had started simple, reading history books to try and understand how the world had changed from the simple society that prided itself for the sense of community to a time where neighbours didn't talk and a state of undress was fashionable.

Over the days I crammed my head with literary classics, a brief American history, how technology developed, even the dry books about science and English. I stayed away from maths. It wasn't my area of interest. I knew enough to survive in this world. Addition, subtraction, the basics.

As the week drew to a close my brain was saturated with new knowledge, I just wished I had someone to discuss it all with. I felt like I had it all locked up inside me but all I wanted to do was let it explode out of me. To share my excitement with someone else who could understand why I was so exhilarated to learn.

With someone who understood why all this was new to me. For the first time in so many months I wished I could talk to Aslo.

It may have been uncaring not to have thought of him in so long but I had gained such kind friends in DeSoto. I still thought about him now and then but not as often because I was happy with my life finally having friends to fill it.

However now I was back to having no one and I would continue to have no one. But most of all he knew everything about me. He understood about the time travel, he would understand why I loved the library so much, why the books that were filled with facts and fiction set my imagination alight.

The other place I visited often was the music store.

Ever since leaving the asylum I had wanted to continue playing the piano. The tavern didn't have one and I couldn't find a place in DeSoto that would let me play for fear that I would break their piano.

However the music store here had a fine grand piano and you were free to play it for as long as you wanted without charge. This was the main reason I spent so much time there. I love the feel of the ivory keys beneath my fingertips and the mellow but strong sound that they produced took me back to my time spent with Edward. Those many afternoons he would sit at his piano and play happy little tunes to me. Some I would recognise other's he would just make up by hitting various notes.

I missed him, possibly more than any of the other people I had met. He was the one that brightened me up after my loss of Carlisle. He had used his beautiful innocence to show his parents that I was worth their time and that I was worth trying to fix.

I smiled at the memory of our first meeting. The way he had called me an angel and been so certain that he was right. The way his eyes shone with excitement at his discovery and the possibility of a new friend.

It was because of Edward that I practiced the piano 2 hours every day, sometimes 3 if time allowed. Within the week I had already gotten back to the standard I was at when I was at the asylum. Chords and sheet music were easily understood and melodies didn't seem as fragmented when I played them.

I had only focussed on playing the song I loved best. Clair de Lune.

I could remember my mother playing Debussy as she relaxed in our living room. The soft piano music helping to unwind her mind. It had been the music of my childhood and that was why I was relentless in learning how to play this one song. I felt like I needed to play it. Just for the sole reason that it reminded me of my parents. Not just their appearance (I had my locket for that) but the way they were. Their personalities, their likes and dislikes, their little habits or the way they were together. I needed to play that beautiful song to give me back my childhood and my memories. Just to give me that little bit of peace that I got from remembering them.

I wasn't sure if the shop owner was bothered by my repetitive playing but he never said anything.

I didn't just spend all my time at the music store playing the piano, I also filled myself with the music of the time. The store had vast stocks of things called CD's that played out such varied melodies that it seemed amazing people ever decided which they wanted to buy. Each song was different and each method of playing was different. There were groups of singers, solo artists, bands that also sang or bands that just played instruments.

There were a lot of music that I skipped over out of distaste but there were favourites that I soon began to recognise. I would hear various songs float through the street as a car drove by and it played on the radio or some teenagers blasted it out of their music players.

This place I had come to was full of culture. Music, art, fashion, media. It was a feast for all the senses unlike the past places I had visited.

Although I had at first felt lost and alien, I now understood that although people didn't socialise in the way I was used to they all connected through their love of the things around them. They shared an appreciation for music.

They dressed in certain ways to show who they were.

People here didn't follow society, they made it their own.

I loved the freedom that gave.

* * * * *

My hand held my smaller travel bag tightly at my side out of habit as I lifted my tired feet up the second flight of stairs. My room was on the second floor, although I was lucky I wasn't one of the guests that had a room on the fourth.

I shared my room with a single mother, we hadn't really talked since I was out all day and then when I did finally come back I usually just ate and went straight to sleep.

The traditional side of me felt rude for not introducing myself properly but after experiencing this time a little better I understood that introductions weren't expected.

I had had another busy day discovering the world of rap music and reading a book I had found by a famous female author.

My key rattled in the door and as I forced it open with a rough shove I heard stumbling footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Could you keep that open for me!" The woman I shared with was making her way up the grey carpeted stairs. A baby in one arm and shopping bags in the other. She stumbled and I rushed forward to grab her.

"Thank you. I was silly to think I could actually carry all this" The woman looked flustered and I took the bags from her as she righted herself and followed me into the room with the baby held tight in her arms.

I placed the bags next to her bed as she placed the child in the crib next to her bed.

I had been apprehensive about sharing with a baby in the room. I thought it would be loud and irritable but instead it seemed to be a docile little thing.

The woman was buzzing around the room appearing to do something but as I watched her she seemed to start a process then stop half way to go and do something else. A baby bottle sat half filled with milk, a dummy was left on the small counter then her bed left half made.

She finally turned to me with her hand extended and her wild chestnut hair framing her half distracted blue eyes.

"hi I'm Renee Swan, well soon to be Renee Higgenbottom. Sorry I haven't introduced myself before but it's all been a bit crazy" I smiled softly and shook the woman's hand.

She wasn't much older than me by the look of her. Perhaps early twenties at most. After living beside her for 2 weeks I had a fairly good idea of her character and having a young baby didn't seem to fit with it.

She was a scatter brain, always leaving things half finished or completing tasks in a bizarre roundabout way. She was good with her child but seemed to have no idea what she was doing. I thought it was lucky that she was a natural mother otherwise the baby could have been in serious trouble. Already I had cringed when she either almost dropped the child or it was left to crawl around the little room, bumping into every object it came close to. Yet even though it would hurt itself there were no tantrums or prolonged tears. Just a quick burst of hurt emotion before it went back to exploring its environment.

As I thought of all this I realised how awful it sounded to call the woman's child 'it'.

"Hello it's nice to properly meet you. I'm Sarelle." I shook her hand and the woman instantly went back to filling the child's bottle.

I wandered over to the crib and looked down on the child that sat playing idly with a rattle.

"You have a very pretty baby" I said and the child looked up at me with beautiful big chocolate brown eyes with lovely long lashes.

It was very obviously a little girl.

She had wonderfully pale skin with small chubby rosy cheeks. A small mass of chocolate brown curls covered her head and her lips split into a little smile as she saw me watching her.

The cutest laugh bubbled out her mouth and her mother came over to smile down on her.

"she's my little angel" The mother cooed, as the child grasped at her mother's hand.

"what is she called?"

"Isabella or Bella for short. I prefer the shorter version but her father wanted the long name on the birth certificate" I hadn't expected so much information but it seemed Renee was the type of person who didn't hide who she was from people.

"it's a lovely name. And she's a very pretty little girl so Bella suits her perfectly" I smiled at Renee and she nodded in agreement.

"Sarelle's very unusual, where are you from? You look a little Scandinavian." It seemed Renee was also very curious.

"I'm originally from London England but I may have Scandinavian blood in me somewhere, you never know where your ancestors could come from" I laughed lightly. I had never known anything about my ancestors and I doubted I would ever find out. It wasn't like I had anyone to really ask.

"That's very true. Your parents aren't with you anymore are they?" Renee looked at me sadly and I shook my head sadly dropping my eyes back to Bella in her crib.

"That's a horrible thing to happen to a child especially one so young." She gave me a soft rub on my back and I took a deep breath just steadying my emotions. I didn't need to cry anymore, my parents wouldn't want me to.

"It was a few years ago now, I've learnt to move on. They're always with me" I clutched my locket and Renee nodded knowing what I meant. I could see her eyes were a little watery.

I wondered if she was imagining Bella in my situation, alone in a city without anyone to really stand with.

I didn't want her thinking I was barely surviving. I was living, that was what my parents would have wanted and although it may not be the normal life of anyone else, it was still my life and I was living it to the fullest.

"Of course I miss them but you have to take what life throws at you and I've met many people that I will remember for the rest of my life. Sometimes fate has to make you lose something important so that you can become stronger and gain something so much better" Renee listened to me and I saw something spark in her eyes. Like understanding and comfort.

"You are a brave girl, Sarelle. If you can be that strong there's still hope for me, eh?" Renee forced an unsteady smile onto her face.

She was obviously having doubts over her life and I could only assume it had something to do with Bella's father.

I went to my bed and pulled out the book I had borrowed from the library.

I settled myself onto my bed as Renee pottered about the room keeping herself busy. Now that I had spoken to her I wondered if it was out of actual jobs to be done or more a nervous energy and unsettled feeling that consumed her and forced her to keep herself busy just so that she wouldn't focus on the decision she had made. The possible mistake that plagued her.

30 minutes passed in almost silence. Once Renee finally sat on her bed I could sense she wasn't going to stay still and quiet for long.

"What are you reading?" I suppressed a chuckle at the fact I had been right.

"Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen" I replied. I was only a quarter through the book but I loved it. It took me back to the time I was from and the society I understood well.

I liked remembering that back then small balls and the opportunity to talk with someone new were thrilling prospects; this time period didn't share the same excitement.

"I'm surprised a girl your age enjoys that kind of thing. It's a very old fashioned book." Renee seemed to be a very inquisitive person.

"I like the description and the language. It seems so easy to picture" Part of me liked talking to Renee whilst part felt that I should be wary. She seemed observant and I couldn't risk her discovering my secret it could cause too many complications.

"Sarelle shouldn't you be in care?" I gave up trying to continue reading my book, Renee wasn't going to stop the questions till her curiosity was satiated.

"I was at an orphanage but the mistress there wasn't a very nice lady. I have coped well enough without a foster family so I feel no need to concern the authorities" Renee's blue eyes were studying me as I talked. I wasn't used to someone paying such close attention after Katelyn's company. She was always so self-absorbed she rarely noticed any the flaws in my story.

"I'm sorry to hear about that woman but if you were in proper care you could go to school, have health insurance, have a home with your own room. It's obvious you're a bright girl Sarelle. I don't know of any other child as young as you reading Jane Austen. How old are you?"

I held my chin up high. I wasn't offended as such by her comment, I was sure many children in this generation didn't read Jane Austen but that was out of choice. I didn't like that Renee suggested it was out of lack of ability. That a child couldn't possibly read such a book without being bright.

"I'm 12 years old though I will be 13 in 6 months. Thank you for your compliment on my intelligence and I will admit those things you mentioned sound very appealing but they aren't a possibility for me and I will not chase pipe dreams for I will only end up tired" It was true, I couldn't have any of those things because I wasn't a real citizen in this place and the questions that would be asked of me would be too intrusive for my way of life. I was a time traveller, that meant no place on this earth could hold me so it made no sense for me to bind myself with the chains of the authorities when my leaving would only cause damage. Like when chains are ripped from a wall. Nothing but a ragged hole is left. The mystery of my disappearance would be that hole.

"You don't sound like a regular 12 year old girl" Scepticism filled Renee's features and I panicked a little under my calm surface.

"I was brought up to speak the Royal's English. It's just stuck with me, perhaps more than with other's because it reminds me of my parents"

It was true I had managed to keep my pure English accent even though I had spent so much time in America. I clung to it because it kept me focussed on who I was. It would be too easy to change and copy the society I jumped to, I liked the small challenge of keeping myself true to my roots.

My mother would probably laugh at my reasoning, saying I was like my father in my need to make my life that little bit harder than it had to be. However I was stubborn like my father and I would not let myself lose the small things that made me who I was and had been with my parents.

" I hope you don't mind but you have the most strange eyes. " Renee laughed nervously when my gazed fell on her. I knew what she was seeing the odd gold flecks that my mother had said were oddly intriguing.

Even Aslo had said my eyes had the power to capture anyone's attention, like the fiery gold flecks melted them to me.

"They're a characteristic I got from my father, my mother had green eyes but he had brown with flecks of gold. I got a mix of the 2" I smiled weakly as I explained. Renee looked closely in my eyes and for the first time I noticed the small change in demeanour. She seemed to relax in front of me and her mouth formed a small smile. How was it that I had missed this effect I had on people? More to the point why hadn't it worked on those that I most needed it to? Mrs Johnson, Mrs Mills, Ashton. Those people that had wronged me.

True I had never looked directly into their eyes out of nerves or discomfort but was that the only reason?

We slipped back into silence but this time Renee wasn't sitting impatient or agitated she sat contemplating and I hoped it was all about me. From the questions she'd asked it seemed that she picked up on things that others had not.

There was a knock at the door and I rushed to open it so that Renee wouldn't have to break from her finally relaxed state.

When I forced the door open I saw someone I hadn't expected to ever see again, Casey.

She pushed past me into the room looking round it taking in every detail whilst she continued to chew on her gum. I wondered if she ever was without gum in her mouth.

"Hi I'm Casey." Casey spoke as Renee looked her over.

She was wearing a large baggy grey t shirt that hung above her waist along with denim shorts and bright pink fishnet tights. Her feet were clad in black heavy boots whilst her permed hair was piled high on her head.

She wouldn't care what Renee thought of her, she didn't seem the type to be bothered by peoples perceptions.

Although even I could see the surprised look on Renee's face at her appearance.

"So you coming Saz" Casey turned to me and I stood stunned.

"I didn't realise I was going anywhere with you? And what do you mean Saz?" I stuttered over my words as Casey stood impatiently tapping her foot.

"Well I figured Sarelle was a bit ancient to be honest. And I thought you might wanna just hang out" Casey was going through my stuff picking at things that were visible at the top of my sack. I saw her pick up my book from Aslo and dove to stop her from flicking through it. I could have her seeing what was in there. There were too many secrets hidden in that book for her to just thumb through it.

I would love to come out with you, do I need to change?" Casey seemed suspicious as to why I had quickly removed the book from her grasp and I hoped Renee wasn't paying too much attention to us. I took a glance at her and she was engrossed in refolding her clothes into the small chest of drawers we were supposed to share. I hadn't unpacked my sack and so there was no need for her ot share the drawers with me. I thought it only fair since she had a baby as well and needed the space to keep everything Bella required.

"Nah Saz you look hot enough. Come on" Casey grabbed my arm and dragged me from my room with only my room key in my hand.

I had no money.

I didn't have my small travel bag.

She continued to pull me out the building on to the busy Floridian streets and I felt panic strike.

If I jumped now I would have nothing with me except a useless key, a pair of straight leg blue jeans, white trainers, band t shirt, black jacket, my locket and the woven battered leather bracelet Carlisle had given me.

It wouldn't be enough to survive with and it wouldn't be enough for me emotionally.

That sack back home had all my memories I had collected within it.

Aslo's book.

The picture of the Masen's.

My diary which was almost full of various events or thoughts and feelings about people I've met so far.

My solid silver engraved pen.

Even my Newalk Asylum dress had been kept as a reminder of the worse place my life had visited.

I thought it was important to always remember that no matter what happens nothing could be worse than that place although I couldn't regret meeting Aslo, Emily and Mary. They were points of light within the darkness and I would be forever grateful for their presence through that time.

Me and Casey had been walking in silence through the streets but I didn't interrupt her because she seemed to have a destination which she wanted to reach. Her walk had a certain determination to it so I thought it best to just follow and not ask questions.

"So Saz how you been?" Casey didn't look at me as we talked but I knew that was just how things were here.

"I've been very well thank you. Yourself?" Casey looked at me as if I were from another planet or another time. At least one explanation was correct.

"Everything's awesome. How come you always talk all high and mighty and stuff? You some kind of big deal?" Casey looked me over and her expression showed she didn't expect me to be that important. Her gaze although unappreciative didn't hurt, she was just more honest and didn't hide behind niceties.

"I'm sorry I just have a different accent. I'm certainly not a 'big deal'" I was uncertain as to what this 'big deal' was but the way she had said it made me assume I wasn't.

"So how you liking Florida?" Casey turned into a street that showed a concrete park at the bottom. I assumed this was our destination.

"It's been very interesting. Although I haven't explored as such. I mainly visit the library and a music store on North Florida Avenue" I had wandered the streets a little but only to find the places I thought I would need to know about. My exploration was purely for survival necessity not pleasure.

"You mean Head's House of Music?! That place is awesome. I heard the guy get's the latest stuff before the others. He has an epic instrument collection. There's this amazing guitar in there. I love it" Casey's eyes lit up as she talked about the music store I had come to love. It seemed she had a passion for music and I felt happy that we might have something in common.

"I enjoy listening to the music. It's been quite interesting to hear the different styles." Casey actually looked at me as I spoke this time.

"You got any favourites yet? I bet you're a pop fan, aren't you?" Casey almost sneered and I was glad that I wasn't going to conform to her prejudiced opinion of me.

"I prefer the works of Madonna, Aerosmith, The Clash. I like their lyrics, they seemed a little deeper than some of the pop songs. I especially like some of the more unknown bands. U2, Nivarna. Have you heard of them?" I watch Casey's jaw drop at my choice.

It was true that they were a world away from my previous music tastes of Claude Debussy and Cesar Franck, or the fun western style songs Jasper and Dale used to ask Sam to play of his guitar.

This new music was full of raw angst and gritty guitar. It fit the society perfectly but it also fit my feelings. They could encapsulate the anger I sometimes felt at my situation but also the passion and tenacity I needed to live through it.

"I got you wrong Saz, you not as posh as you voice" Casey grinned at me and we were nearing the park. It wasn't the pretty place that I had landed and met the Masen's. This place had similar play area equipment but no soft green grass stretched out before me instead it was grey concrete scrawled with graffiti.

A group of people ranging in age between mine and a few years older than Casey, stood talking and listening to loud music over by the swings. Behind them was a large concrete structure with people flying across it on boards.

Each of the people were dressed similar to Casey, I didn't feel like the odd one out in my outfit.

"Hey guys!" Casey yelled and they turned to face us as we approached. Some had smiles for Casey other's had looks of interest at my presence but there were a few that seemed either resentful or dismissive of us.

Suddenly I realised I was about to be thrown in at the deep end and try and interact with more people than I ever had.

I had to try to fit in.


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews :) I really like getting people's opinions on the story so far. So big hugs to:**

**Icis of Avalon**

**StrangeMindFiction**

**AkariZeriChana-new America-**

**WerewolvesMoon**

**MoonBeamerGirl1644**

I stood silently whilst Casey caught up with her friends. They didn't notice me and they didn't introduce themselves. I just waited like the invisible girl hoping that Casey would notice my discomfort.

She didn't, not in the good ten minutes that I shifted awkwardly around the group looking for a place to settle and attempt an introduction. I felt rejected and a fool for thinking that she had brought me here because she liked me and wanted her other friends to know me. I was just someone new who had caught her attention by being a little different to the people she socialised with. I stood out for the wrong reasons and so I had attracted her eyes like a magpie to a shimmering object. Only Casey had realised I wasn't really a pretty luminescent object of value, just a piece of reflective rubbish that happened to capture her attention for a split second. Now she had gotten a closer look she had realised I wasn't worth her time and like a magpie would discard unworthy debris, she had cast me aside to blend into the bland concrete environment.

Unwanted and Unnoticed.

Casey continued to buzz around the group as they laughed and talked. She was like a social butterfly. She never stuck around in a conversation for more than a few moments of speech before her attention would be pulled in another direction. She put the same amount of bubbly energy into each conversation, stunning the person she talked with into thinking that they had her glued to the riveting conversation when in reality I could see her eyes already flitting to find something better. Something, her brain obviously told her, would be more thrilling than what she was already doing. Just watching her she seemed to constantly be in a state of seeking for satisfaction and appreciation. Every compliment she gave was really a way for her to fish for her own praise. Each question she asked was laced with a tone that craved something out of the ordinary, something that would set her interest alight and hold it rather than a fleeting spark that faded in the normality of everyday life. I felt a flicker of pity for her. Her own desire for the extreme and unusual, thrilling and extraordinary, would be both her best feature and greatest flaw. She would always want more than she has and although that would make her ambitious, it would also cause her to never have a constant stable presence in her life. She would never be truly settled and happy.

I may have felt some pity for her but that pity didn't affect my patience, I'd had enough of waiting and moved to sit at the edge of the concrete structure which I heard, from eavesdropping, was a half pipe.

A couple of boys flew up and down the half pipe on their skateboards. Their bodies rocked slightly to maintain their balance but there were times when it failed and they would fall. Their body flying through the air for just a split second of apparent weightlessness, as if gravity took it's time to take hold of them and pull them back to earth.

It reminded me of the woman who had taken that leap of finality off the cliff. When I watched I had thought it was magical the way her dress floated out behind her and her hair flowed out around her in a golden halo of waves that fluttered in the wind of the leap. She looked completely free as if the weight of the world had just been removed from her shoulders.

What would it be like to be relieved of all the problems that had slowly crept up on me over the past 3 years?

To just be the child I appeared to be.

I looked back at the boys as they flew on their skateboards, the wind of their speed brushing the hair back from their face and the thrill of the ride lighting their eyes. Even when they're skills failed them and they tumbled to the ground, hitting the hard concrete ramp in a scraping crash of their bodies and boards, they didn't let the momentary stumble stop them. They got right back up and continued with a smile on their faces.

It looked like fun, cutting through the air, feeling the buzz as you drop down the ramp.

I sat watching them for a few minutes before a boy with sandy blonde hair fell flat on his face in front of me. I would have panicked that he was injured but this particular boy had already fallen twice before and didn't seem phased by the few seconds of pain he endured.

"Are you ok?" I couldn't help the small giggled that left my mouth. I wasn't overly concerned for the boy but it was an extraordinary fall. The way his body had leant just a little too far forward and forced the board out from under his feet sending his body flying into the air.

The boy rubbed the side of his face for a second before looking at me with a sheepish and embarrassed look on his face.

His sandy hair was wavy and longer than the usual hairstyles I had seen in my time. It skimmed the bottom of his earlobe and the ends curled round his face only just short enough to stop it from interrupting his eyesight. He had aqua coloured eyes that seemed to change from blue to green as he turned his head. Freckles dusted across his nose but they didn't distract from the subtle masculine bonestructure underneath the round boyish skin.

As he took me in sitting there a grin split his slightly thin lips into a mega watt smile.

I watched as he dusted himself off, trying to clean up his well stained jeans which already had rips in various places. After having seen his latest accident I assumed he was capable of worse.

"I'm fine thanks." He came and sat beside me, propping his board against the edge.

"So you're Casey's new little project, right?" He looked up at Casey where she appeared to be flirting with a boy a good few years older than her. She may have only been 14 but she acted with the confidence of an adult and tt seemed to have the boy's attention. More to the point he was holding her attention, but I wondered how long it would last. Her feet were already shuffling in boredom as if subconsciously she was already running away to find something new.

I just nodded to the boy in response to his question. I didn't know what he meant by his statement but I wasn 't going to dwell on it.

"I'm Chris"

"Yeah but we all call him Icarus, cos now matter how high he get's he always comes plummetin down" Casey had noticed us and seemed intent on joining our conversation, bored by her boy already. I wondered if she actually wanted me here or if she just wanted to have someone new to show off. Keep the attention on herself. It certainly seemed that she wasn't going to just let me have this conversation to myself.

"Cheers Casey." Chris mumbled before ignoring her and turning back towards me.

"So do you..."

"This is Saz by the way Icky, found her wandering down by the bay couple weeks ago. How cools that? Like finding a penny on the street" Casey interrupted him again and I heard him sigh at her persistence to be part of our interaction.

I had plenty of patience but I had yet to really speak to this boy and at this rate I wouldn't get a word out. Was that what Casey wanted from me? To be seen but not heard? I hadn't even had that sort of expectation made of me in DeSoto. I didn't know if I wanted to go back to the days when I would have to be silent during conversations when really I longed to join in and share my opinions. I liked talking to people and discovering what they were like, whether that be good or bad.

"How clever of you Casey. I think Matt wants to talk to you he keeps looking over" Chris indicated a boy with dark hair and an exotic tan which made his almost honey coloured eyes stand out. Casey instantly forgot about us again and went to entertain herself with yet another boy.

"So anyway, Saz, you skateboard?" Chris looked down to his battered board as a way of reminding me what he meant.

"It's Sarelle and no I've never tried it. It looks like a lot of fun though" Chris smiled slightly but I could see the slight puzzling expression in his eyes due to my accent. It was just something I'd have to get used to. People were always going to know I was different just from my accent.

"Well then, Sarelle" Chris made a point of saying my proper name. He must have known that Saz wasn't my favourite. It wasn't that there was anything particularly wrong with it but Sarelle was the name my parents had given me and to change it to make it easier to say just seemed lazy and wrong.

I turned and for a second my eyes locked with Chris's as I smiled at his use of my name.

The same dazed look appeared on Chris's face as it had on Renee's It didn't last long but I had almost expected it so now looked for it to happen. I still wasn't sure if it was just surprise at my unusual eyes or if there was something more to it. Like being a time traveller I somehow had an ability that would help me survive. Soften people to me and help the transition to be as smooth as possible. Was that possibility too supernatural for it to be true?

Then again was anything too supernatural to be true in this world?

"ermmm anyway...yeah...what was I saying?" I giggled as Chris stumbled over his words. He blushed and I looked down smiling at his reactions.

"I'm not entirely sure but I believe you were talking about skateboarding"

"Oh right.. yeah. Do you wanna have a go? I mean I know I'm not so great at keeping myself on it, but I'll make sure you down fall" The way he said the last bit of his sentence there was more than just playful banter. A tone that showed a loyalty that shouldn't really be there after just a few minutes of knowing me. I wasn't going to refuse it though, loyalty was a great gift to be given and I would be foolish to disregard his.

"That would be very nice of you. Thank you. I'm sure you can't be as bad as Casey makes out" We stood and he carried the skateboard to a small ramp just a few metres away from the group and half pipe. I wanted to fly through the air on the half pipe but I knew it would be silly to jump in at the deep end when I had no idea what I was doing.

I could feel people's eyes on us as Chris clattered the board to the ground and I positioned myself beside it.

I felt a rush of excitement. This was the first time I would be trying something new since learning piano and this time it would be so much more active.

"Right so stand on it with you feet about a shoulder's width apart" Chris instructed and watched carefully as I steadied myself on the board in my new position. I could feel how it rocked below me if I shifted my weight. The pliable wood wasn't stiff and awkward but instead adjusted well to my shifts in central gravity.

I looked up at Chris for his next instruction. Now we were standing up he was quite a big taller than me but still with a lanky boyish frame. I guessed he was about 15, I wondered if he realised I was only 12. People sometimes misjudged my age because of my manner. I didn't really act like a child but my looks still showed I was one.

"Ok so if you rock your weight forward you'll turn the board right and if you rock it back you'll go left" I did has he said and moved my hips, shifting them back and forth to see how the board leaned with my weight. I could feel how it would be easy to fall. Just one inch to far forward or back and you would lose your balance.

"Perfect. So you wanna try actually moving?" Chris chuckled as I grinned with my excitement, the image of my hair flying out behind me because the wind causing my anticipation to build. That image was my goal, and I couldn't wait to reach it.

"Moving would be good. I believe that's the whole point of this" Chris nodded at my comment and settled himself just beside me in case I fell.

I planted my left foot on the board as I kicked off with my right. The ease at which the wheels rolled beneath my body was a little unnerving at first causing me to lurch every time my foot pushed off the concrete, propelling my figure through the air at a slow but invigorating pace.

"check you out Saz, proper little skater girl" Casey called over and I lost my concentration, wobbling on the board before gravity took my flying towards the ground.

Chris's arms shot out to catch me and I blushed when he caught me round the waist.

"Or maybe not!" Casey shouted and the people she was talking with started laughing. I knew it could have been at the timing of her comment but there was a small insecure part of me that was sure they were laughing at me and my failed attempt on the skateboard. Laughing at the outcast because it was easy and held no possible backlash.

"Look's like Icarus has got competition for the face plant crown" The boy Casey had been talking to, Matt I think, called after Casey's comment earning a grin from her.

He didn't even know me and he was using my misfortune to increase Casey's affection for him.

It hurt that Casey thought it was acceptable for him to mock someone who was new to their group. Perhaps I was just being overly sensitive, but none of them except Chris had talked to me and now I worried that he would stop because he wouldn't want to be made fun of for interacting with the strange new girl.

Chris didn't reply to their taunts just grumbled something under his breath.

"Perhaps I should stop. I don't want to embarrass you" I dipped my head and went to give him back the board.

"Nah come on, it was one little stumble. I'll soon have you flying down that half pipe" Chris grinned but I still felt uncomfortable knowing everyone was watching us.

* * * * *

Me and Chris had been talking for a couple of hours as he taught me how to control the board.

I had gotten to the stage where I could turn the board easily and control my balance when I dipped down the smaller ramps near to the half pipe. There had been a few more near misses but Chris was always there to catch me before I hurt myself properly. However he sometimes couldn't stop me from scraping my palms on the concrete or scuffing my jeans.

Often but not always the group Casey was with would shout something over but I didn't let it put me off like the first time.

It seemed that Casey was the louder one out of the group, to some of the others this seemed to be a good thing whilst I noticed the few older ones found her annoying. Rolling their eyes at her exclamations or refusing to pander to her flighty nature by indulging her in conversation. Similar to the way adults would ignore children at a fancy party, the way I had been ignored whenever Mother and Father held a dinner party. I would be taken up to my room by the nanny and she would entertain me to stop from any interruptions spoiling the sophisticated atmosphere my parents enjoyed at their gatherings. I didn't hold it against them, it was just the way society was at the time and I had accepted it.

I took another glance at Casey and I saw another thing I learnt about Casey was that she was more of a boys girl than a girls girl. She spent most of her time flirting with the guys, making them laugh or discussing music that they liked, though I noticed she never really put in her own likes and dislikes. She was like a chameleon, not matter what they said she said she liked it too adding a small bit of vague information to convince them that she knew what she was talking about. She made the effort with them, but not the girls.

The girls would watch her with wary looks but that didn't mean that a flash of awe didn't flicker in their eyes at how she managed to keep the boys attention.

In those couple of hours within that new environment not only did I learn how to skateboard (though not almost as well as Chris) I also learnt that Casey was a person to watch. She had the ability to make you love her in an instant, clouding your judgement before leaving you for something she believed to be better.

I knew I shouldn't let myself get close to her but I had to admire her way of capturing the attention and getting what she wanted even if I didn't agree with the fact that she was effectively using people and then moving on again in a flash.

It was getting late and I didn't like the idea of staying out long after sunset. I was glad that I wasn't the only one.

The whole group started to shift, people saying they were going to head back. Slowly but surely we made our way out the park and headed up the street.

I walked with Chris and his friend Aidan. They were nice people and obviously engrossed in their skateboards and music.

Casey walked ahead of us still very much interested in what Matt had to say.

Why was it that every girl I meet is obsessed with the idea of boys and romance. Was something wrong with me for not feeling that urge to attach myself with someone? It wasn't that I couldn't feel that part in me. The small voice in your heart that tells you that being in love would be a great thing. But I didn't yet feel the drive to fall in love, to find that person I wanted to be with. My mind still told me that I was only 12, that was no age to search for your soul mate.

A girl started walking next to me and it stopped me from getting lost in my thoughts.

"Hey Aidan" the girl said softly

"Hi Bonny" Aidan replied and I saw Chris give him a teasing nudge.

"Hey it's Saz right? What's that short for?" She was a quiet looking girl with sleek raven hair and beautiful deep brown eyes. Her outfit wasn't as outrageous as Casey's instead she had on an outfit similar to mine. Simple but still fit in with the other teenagers.

" Hello. It's Sarelle, you're Bonny ?"

"It's Eboni but I just get Bonny for short" She smiled shyly and I saw her glancing at Aidan.

I must definitely be strange for me not to act like every other girl.

Her voice was tainted with an Chinese accent and it was nice that I wasn't the only one in the group who had a different accent.

We continued to walk in comfortable silence as the group started to diminish. Soon Aidan and Chris had left me and Eboni. Chris had said he would come visit me at the hostel and I felt a bit uncomfortable at the idea of having a boy visiting me in my room. I think he noticed because he quickly added that we would come back to the park to practice my new found skill. The same flying image floated into my mind and I grinned in agreement.

When Aidan had went off with Chris I saw Eboni watch him leave with a wistful look on her face. She was a sweet girl that much was clear but she lacked the confidence Casey had to attract Aidan's attention in the way she wanted. It seemed unfair that Eboni, who had appeared to have a genuine interest in a boy didn't get their attention whilst Casey got it almost effortlessly.

"You seemed to do well with the skateboard" Eboni said.

"It was fun, although a little harder than I thought it would be. Have you ever tried it?"

"No I'd be far too embarrassed to try. Plus it looks kind of painful, I don't know why Aidan keeps going with it" Eboni smiled at Aidan's name.

"You should ask him to teach you, Chris helped me a lot. I'm sure Aidan would be glad to help you" Eboni's eyes lit up but she must have realised and began timidly brushing her long black hair behind her ear.

"I could never do that. I hardly talk to him"

"I only met Chris today remember"

At this point Casey turned to join us as Matt left with a friend.

"You and Chris were pretty cosy Saz. You wanna make sure Icky doesn't get any ideas" Casey giggled but I didn't join her. I liked Chris and I didn't like her talking about him as if he was the plague or not worth spending time with.

"He seemed very kind. I enjoyed talking to him" I spoke with my posture held high and confident. If Casey was going to talk about him I would make sure she realised I didn't agree with her opinions.

"Well Whatever. Matt said he had a gig next week so I'm going shopping tomorrow, you wanna come with Saz" Casey ignored Eboni but she seemed to expect it.

She gave a quiet goodbye and I waved her off whilst Casey didn't even break her stride to watch her leave.

"I think Chris was planning on visiting me but perhaps another time" I said politely hoping she would take the hint that I wasn't as willing to give up anything just to spend time with her.

"You can see Chris anytime, if you actually want to. Shopping will be fun. I'll show you all the best places" Casey obviously wasn't going to drop it.

"Casey, I said I would be in to see Chris. He's coming over at 4 after school so I don't think shopping would be a good idea"

"Look you're not at school right? I don't bother going so we could go out during the day and you'll be back by 4. No problem. Come on."

I was silent for a while trying to come up with a reason why not to go. I could feel part of me rebelling against the cautious bit of me that knew Casey would only be open and friendly when she didn't have a better offer.

I took another look at Casey's excited expression and felt a flutter at the idea of shopping with her. Walking through Tampa Bay talking like me and Katelyn used to do around DeSoto.

"Ok Casey but only if you promise we can be back by 4. I made a promise and I don't like to break them" Casey nodded exasperated with my tone.

"ok ok ok back by 4. Whatever. I'll see you tomorrow at 11 right" It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

I sighed and watched as Casey continued down the road whilst I turned into the hostel.

The woman at the desk had changed her hair from bright blonde to bright red which matched her red lipstick. We rarely spoke but we always exchanged a small smile when I saw her.

I trudged up the dull stairway and battled with my door once again. I was desperate to get back to the comfort and security of my travel sack and possessions. I couldn't feel that itch and tingle that haunted me but that didn't mean that I liked being out in the open without my basic things with me.

When I finally got into the room I saw Renee standing over Bella's crib but that wasn't what caught my attention.

My book from Aslo was open on my bed along with my picture of the Masen's and the top of my asylum dress peeping out over my sack.

It seemed Renee's curiosity had gotten the better of her. I was just glad my diary was buried within the confines of my sack. My relief was short lived when I realised that Renee wouldn't need to read my diary to have suspicions.

I could feel the anger at her lack of respect for my privacy. I realised that my items were possibly not very well disguised in my sack but that didn't mean that just because they were visible it gave her the right to rummage.

"Sarelle?" She turned instantly from looking over Bella and I saw there was fear in her eyes. I knew the images in Aslo's book would have got her imagination racing and the asylum dress definitely wouldn't ease her worry.

"yes Renee?" I would not give away more than I had to. I would let her ask me questions but I would not elaborate my answers, she was too observant for me to relax.

"Who are the Masen's?" Her eyes locked on mine and I saw she was convinced I was not an ordinary girl. She wasn't going to let me slip by her without explaining myself. She wasn't just protecting herself, she was protecting Bella.

Could I let her in on the secret, just one human?

I doubted she would even believe me.

"They are a family"

"Why do you have a picture of them?"

"I was given it"

"When" I froze at Renee's question. I had written the date of the photo on the back. 1905 – Chicago. If Renee had been as observant as I found her to be, she would have noticed that. The question she had asked would, in a way, be the deal breaker as to if I told her that I had been given it by them in 1905 or if I merely said it was given to me by my parents.

I took another look at the woman. Would time travel be too much for her to comprehend?

"My parents gave it to me when they died." I could see Renee's mind running over what I had said and what she had discovered.

"Where did you go Sarelle after they died and you ran away from the orphanage?"

She was referring to the asylum dress. I wouldn't be able to stop her from asking me about it. She would want to know if her and her child were sharing a room with an escaped mental patient.

I couldn't do this.

I couldn't lie, they would be too complex for me to keep them knitted together. I had to give her the truth and hope that she either thought I was still insane from the asylum or accepted that I was something she would never be able to really understand.

I took a deep breath and let it out in a heavy sigh. Even to me it reeked of the weight of what I was about to tell her.

Here goes nothing.


	13. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Huge thanks for the reviews. Things are going to start picking up soon, promise. Anyway updates will be every saturday so that I have time to get the chapter's written and checked.**

**Happy reading :P**

**xxx**

Time to tell the truth to the first human I had ever told it to.

My palms were sweating and I could feel my heart racing in my chest at the dive I was about to take into the unknown. The human psyche was an unpredictable thing. I was hoping that Renee would surprise me in her reaction; maybe she wouldn't run in fear screaming about insanity.

I knew the risks were high and if I was to consult a betting shop I was almost certain that they would place the odds of her understanding, as a far outside chance.

But there was something in me that compelled me to trust this woman and bet on the unlikely. Even if the price I may have to pay could end up being my life and the way it was now.

"Renee, can you believe that there are things in this world that can't be explained? That science cannot tell us everything about this world?" Renee looked in shock at my heavy words and she eased herself onto the bed with her hand locked in Bella's as she sat beside the crib.

"I think so" I couldn't think about the uncertainty in her voice. If I did I would back out of my decision.

I knew it had consequences if I told her but I couldn't find a way of creating a story that would explain everything.

I was tired. I was only a child and I wanted to have a moment when I didn't have to be an adult. I wanted to be naive and believe for one second that I could spill everything and it would be alright. That the adult in the room would pat me on the back and tell me everything would be fine.

Renee was sitting impatiently on her bed, her foot tapping wildly on the floor.

"Renee, I'm going to tell you my story but I need you to promise me something first. You cannot tell a soul. I have to trust that you will keep this to yourself no matter what." I was almost willing her to with my eyes. The need for secrecy burning through my irises.

Her eyes dazed over and she nodded silently.

"My parents really did die 3 years ago now. I was 9 years old and in my time there was nothing that could be done for a child that age. The orphanage was the only option. I lost everything except this locket" I stroked the locket that still lay on my chest just below the fabric shield of my t shirt.

"What do you mean your time?" Renee was already confused and the story had only just begun.

"Remember the promise you have made Renee." I sighed closing my eyes to prepare myself for the first onslaught of questions.

"I was born 13th October 1901 in London England. My father was an accountant and he gave me and my mother the best life we could have wanted. Then when they died I lost everything I had known in my life. Even time itself." I could remember that night so clearly. The extreme tension in me and the feeling of drowning in time itself.

"It's not possible! Your just 12 years old. 1910 is 79 years in the past! You must be mixing up the dates. There is no way. No way!" Renee was pacing the room and I could hear Bella becoming anxious, her soft whimpers at the noise her mother was making.

I walked towards the crib and gently picked up the small little girl. Her chocolate eyes locked with mine and her whimpers soothed almost in an instant.

Renee was too busy pacing at the information I had told her, to notice Bella's reaction to her distress.

I swayed her back and forth before Renee finally came over to me and took her from my arms. Clutching her a little closer than usual.

She thought I was dangerous.

"What makes you think I would let you near my baby when you're quite obviously mad. That would explain that dress" Renee rocked her and her child as she eyed the top of the dress draped out of my sack.

"I can explain it all Renee. If you would just let me" I put everything in my being into begging for her patience and open mind.

"I'll listen to you Sarelle but if your answers don't clear my questions I'm calling the police, It isn't safe for someone like you to be out in public. Not healthy...." She was cold but calm in her comment. I knew deep down she would be in turmoil, just as I had been when I first jumped.

"The night after my parent's funeral something happened. I can't explain what exactly. It's still not clear to me. All I know is that it changed everything. One second I was in my dark little room, the next I was in London England, 1640."

Renee gasped and I smiled. I knew how unbelievable it would sound. Like some kind of science fiction story conjured up by an imaginative author to play in people's minds, and make them question time and space for just a moment before moving on.

"Anyway I met a wonderful man called Carlisle. His father was a pastor and they took me in for months. I didn't feel comfortable staying without doing what I could so I cooked and cleaned, and I was happy in that strange new reality. Though I must say 1640 was not the most hygienic of times" Renee smiled slightly in her puzzled daze.

"Everything was simple but perfect till the night Carlisle died." My voice broke a little at the memory of the fateful night Carlisle was bitten.

Renee shifted in her seat and I could see she wanted to comfort me but she didn't. The possibility that I was insane was stopping her.

"It was a few days after Carlisle's death that I jumped again this time to a park in Chicago. The date was springtime 1905. It was here that I met the Masen's" I smiled at the memory of when I first met Edward.

His bright little smile.

He had said I was an angel even in my dirty, unkempt state.

I passed my smiling eyes to Renee and I could see tears welling up in her.

"Don't worry. The Masen's helped pick me up from the loss of Carlisle. They had a son, he was only 4 years old but he was the brightest little boy. I loved them so much. But I knew I couldn't stay with them. There was something that always seemed to be pulling me away from the people and places I loved. However it let me stay with them for a few months. That's why I have a picture of them. They meant so much to me. I didn't want to risk forgetting them. Not ever." My voice was distant as I remembered my times with the Masen's.

The walks in the park as Elizabeth and Edward Snr watched me and their son laughing and playing together. To any outsider we would have looked like a normal family except for my obvious difference in appearance.

Even though I had only known them for a few months they never once acted cold or reserved. Every moment with them was filled with a warm fuzzy feeling that filled me from the inside out. Of all the places I had been, I hadn't experienced that feeling of belonging.

Renee had crossed the room to pick up the picture I had of them to look at it, examining the evidence to clarify my story so far.

"They look very happy"

"They were. They were the perfect family and for a short while I was part of it"

"But you left again?" Renee seemed to be getting the hang of it and was sitting with Bella looking at me like a child looks at a teacher during story time, inquisitive and anticipating what the next words will reveal.

"I never have a choice when I leave. I just get overcome by something that just takes me away. I've learnt to live with it. Tame the force that controls when I jump, not that I ever choose where or when to. My next jump confirmed that."

"The asylum" Renee whispered in understanding and I nodded.

"I was 10 years old when I jumped into a pitch black room. I had everything I owned with me but that didn't stop me from being terrified. Then I met Mrs Mills. Never have I met a woman with such a mean spirit" I shuddered at the memory.

"However Mrs Mills wasn't enough to completely ruin my life. One of the patient night wardens, Aslo, befriended me and he eased the misery of that place. I won't tell you the horror stories. Partially because I can't. They would hurt too much to recount. All I can say is that I spent 10 months in that place. But I did meet some interesting people so I guess that could be a positive" I laughed lightly but it wasn't real. Renee could hear it, emotion read all over her face. Pity and I hated it.

"Anyway I was given the chance to say a proper goodbye to Aslo and Mary. It was Aslo that gave me that book actually. The one you have obviously perused through"

Renee blushed at being caught out.

"He's a very good artist. Very intriguing images" I nodded in agreement with Renee's comment. She didn't need to know that the reason he was those things was because he wasn't limited by mortality and human abilities.

"Where did you go next?" Renee was really getting into my story and I wondered if she really understood it and comprehended what I was telling her.

"DeSoto Texas. 1843. The civil war was on the doorstep but that didn't stop the little town from being a happy and carefree place. I stayed in a tavern and soon made friends with the owner's daughter. She of course was positively smitten with the major of the confederate soldiers that were stationed there. He was such a charmer" I giggled at the memory of Jasper in his uniform and how he had kissed my hand when we first met.

"I became close friends with the major and a couple of his soldiers. They were very kind to me and Katelyn. They would talk with us even though we were only young girls."

I got up to wander about the room before I decided whether or not to tell her the next part of my story. Did she need to know about Ashton? Did I want to unlock that memory?

No.

"Unfortunately after only a few months and my 12th birthday the federal army descended upon the little town and Katelyn and I were forced to walk the 290 miles across the Texan soil from DeSoto to San Antonio. I only left with Katelyn so she would be safely delivered to her aunt and uncle where she would wait for her parents. I could tell I would have to leave her soon and it was only seconds after she closed the door that I jumped again. I was just glad I had been given the opportunity to say goodbye to Major Jasper Whitlock and Mr Dale Jameson. To be able to give them a thank you for everything."

I sighed I was coming to the end of my story so far.

"Finally I came here and I was forced to try and adapt to this strange future."

Renee sat stunned whilst Bella played with her hair, pulling it now and again.

"What does it feel like?" Renee's voice told me she had a lot of questions and I prepared myself to answer as many as possible.

"It feels like I'm falling apart into the atmosphere. Like a force reduces me to nothing but particles in the air. But don't be alarmed. I never feel anything. It used to be like an overwhelming tension but now I just feel a tingle run over my body. I know I exist but my body doesn't seem present to me"

"I can't imagine the sadness of having to leave the people you become close to. I would hate to have the feeling of never being able to settle" Renee was stroking Bella's dark mahogany hair as she slept peacefully in her arms. That girl would never have to experience anything but loving stable normality. She wouldn't be forced into a life that exists outside the realms of science or known reality.

Baby Isabella would grow up to go to school, have regular friends, have a caring family, go to university, meet someone, get married, have children, grow old with her husband.

How could I have any of these things?

Realistically.

I could grow up but I could never really experience the life I wanted so badly.

I could never experience an ordinary, normal, run of the mill life. Where the only problems I encountered were small blips in the smooth road.

"It isn't easy but I have learnt to deal with it. Treat life as one big adventure" I replied to Renee's comment.

"May I ask how you have managed to accept all this with such a calmness about you?" It didn't make sense for Renee to be sitting on her bed holding Bella with a look of inquisitive understanding on her face.

"I'm not sure. I just feel like I believe you. It might not be rational but it's just what I feel."

"No screams of insanity? Mrs Mills certainly did" I grimaced and Renee shook her head but I could see the sympathy behind her watery blue eyes.

With that shake of Renee's head I felt the weight of everything fall from me. I had finally told someone who was considered to be normal about my life and it felt like a strange mix of being light as a feather but having a ball and chain wrapped round my ankles.

I was happy that I had told Renee and that she had accepted what I had told her. However now I had the weight of knowing she knew everything. I had the worry of what would happen if she let slip of my secret.

I couldn't risk the exposure. If word got out I would either be condemned as insane and watched round the clock or celebrated as a freak, forever to be tested on in laboratories. That is until I jumped again because no one could hold me forever. Neither option was a pleasant idea to contemplate so that was the reason for the gravitational pull stopping me from enjoying the feather light feeling.

Renee placed Bella in the crib and came over to where I sat.

"Could I maybe see some of your stuff? I would love to see the clothes they wore back in 1910" Renee was beaming at me like a child at Christmas, waiting for me to open my sack and spill all the surprises out of it.

I leant over and pulled out my favourite dress that Elizabeth had bought me. It was a wonderful forget-me-not blue with white ruffles on the ½ length sleeves and it belled out just below my knees, swishing as I walked. It made me feel like a classic little girl.

"Sarelle it's beautiful!"Renee gasped and held the dress out to watch it move as she swung it back and forth through the air.

"Me and Mrs Masen, Elizabeth, bought it one day in Chicago around late May time. The shop was full of beautiful dresses and ribbons I was ecstatic just looking at them. I hadn't seen anything so lovely in nearly 8 months since I was with Carlisle. When Elizabeth told me I could have one... I can't explain how much that meant to me. I wasn't her child but she treated me like a daughter. She was like my real mother in so many ways" I fiddled with my locket again and this time Renee noticed.

"Can I see inside it?" I opened the locket with a small bit of difficulty. I hadn't admired the picture in the locket for many months and the dust from travelling to San Antonio had effected the ease at which the hinges moved.

As soon as the locket was opened I saw the happy faces of my parents smiling up at me and it was like being taken back to the day before they left me with the nanny.

They were excited to be travelling to Southend-on-sea. Apparently there had been a ball they were attending and my mother was excited to socialise. Her soft green eyes were shining when she kissed me goodbye whilst my father looked down on us smiling.

They were always so happy.

I drifted off into the memory of their departure.

"_My darling Sarelle, promise to behave yourself for Shannon. No bedtime antics, ok?" My mother was bent in front of me with her silvery blonde hair piled upon her head in the latest fashion of intricate curls whilst delicate wisps trickled around the edge of her face. She was, to me, the most beautiful woman in the world and I was filled with pride that she was my mother._

_I bent my head and she stroked her hands through my hair before placing a motherly kiss upon the top of my head. I looked up beaming as our eyes locked and her pastel green eyes melted into mine__ with maternal affection. The expression on her face showed her excitement of the coming journey and event._

_My nanny Shannon was to care for me whilst my parents travelled the 3 hours through the countryside that sat outside our London suburb of Hampstead._

_It wasn't the first time I had been left with the nanny and so this routine of saying goodbyes in the hallway was well rehearsed. I kept a quiet smile on my lips to hide the discomfort I felt whenever I watched my mother and father walk out the door, leaving me behind._

_My mother stepped away and talked to Shannon whilst my father came and swooped me up in his arms. Our laughter tinkled through the hallway as he tickled my sides and swung me round through the air._

"_Now my little Sarelle, you be a good girl and don't go having too many adventures without me" He winked and placed a firm kiss on my cheek before propping me back down on the solid wooden floor._

"_I love you, father"_

"_I love you too, Sarelle. But we'll be back before you know it. Remember don't..."_

"_... waste time being sad, because you can't get it back" I finished his warm brown eyes twinkled and the golden fire in them shone brightly with his pride. I was his little girl and every moment we spent together was saturated with his love of his family._

"_Always remember my sweet little girl._

'_Time is free, but it's priceless._

_You can't own it, but you can use it._

_You can't keep it, but you can spend it._

_Once you've lost it you can never get it back.'"His eyes glimmered and the gold sparkled more than usual. He loved that quote and had repeated it to me several times as I grew up. He had always taught me to never regret anything that I do because otherwise it would just be wasted time._

_I smiled warmly at him and gave him a tight hug as I replied "I'll never forget, father"_

_He stroked my cheek and I stepped away back to the banister on the stairs as I__ watched him as he turned to my mother and impatiently ran a hand through his dark brown wavy hair._

"_Lily, we really must be leaving if we are to get there before dark"_

_My mother hurriedly finished her instructions to Shannon and spun to hold my father's hand as they made their way out to the carriage._

"_Honestly, Adam, It's now only 12 o'clock and Southend-on-sea is only a 3 hour carriage journey. We have plenty of time."_

_Her vivid red dress was cut in the latest fashion of creating the ideal hour glass figure, and swayed gracefully around her ankles revealing the pale golden slipper shoes that she wore to match the gold and pearl necklace and earrings._

_She looked a vision in all her finery and her outfit subtly suggested the wealth that we lived in._

"_Yes my lovely Lily, but I intend to spoil you with lots of pretty things" I heard his faint voice from outside and saw my father as he smiled widely at my mother before she entered the carriage in front of him._

_Shannon and I waved them off from the front door and like always I soaked up the remnant feeling of family that they had left behind. The warmth of their hugs and love in their kisses, I held on to all of it so that I wouldn't miss them whilst they were gone._

"You look a lot like your mother, Sarelle." Renee's voice shocked me away from the memory that still haunted me with the love and happiness it still held in my mind. She rubbed my back and I sighed melting into her arms. I still remembered the warmth of their hugs and love in their kisses because it was everything I had left of them and it was all I could do to stop myself from spending my life in grief. I couldn't just fall apart because my situation was too complex for me to relinquish my strength to my emotions and drown in all the sadness that pooled under my surface.

The effect of telling my story to Renee was creeping up on me and all of a sudden I felt exhausted and I felt my eyes drooping whilst Renee carefully replaced my locket back into its rightful position resting on my chest. She hummed the simple melody of Clair de Lune and I felt myself slip over the edge into a peaceful sleep. At some point I felt her movement as she shifted my body so I was in my bed.

She would be a good mother to Bella, when she really needed it. Renee may be a scatter brain on the surface but deep down I thought that maybe she possessed more logic than any other person I had encountered.

* * * * *

When morning came I woke to find the room empty and my possessions were neatly piled next to my bag.

Renee had tidied up after our talk.

The talk where I had revealed anything.

For a brief moment I wondered how long it had taken her to organise my things since she no doubt would have become distracted by each item and that would only have prolonged her process of cleaning up.

It was only a fleeting thought because the majority of my thoughts were aimed at how it was remarkable that I had managed to pour everything out of me and wake up to find nothing had changed.

She hadn't run away in the night with Bella like a normal person would have.

She hadn't called the police and had me taken away in my sleep to save her from living with a person who in an ordinary person's view would be considered insane.

She had done none of this and I had never been filled with more relief than I had in this moment.

A regular person finally knew about my secret and it hadn't lead to the traumatic cries of hatred I had expected.

I had survived yet another drama.


	14. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Ok we're getting closer to the main parts of the story. I know there's been a lot of 'other stuff' but it's all necessary for the story to work properly. So hang in there!**

**Huge thank you to everyone who's read this story so far and even bigger thanks to those who have reviewed it. :D**

I didn't see Renee for the remainder of the morning and although it bothered me a little not knowing where she was, I focussed on the day ahead of me.

I was to meet Casey in an hour down in the reception for our day of shopping.

I had no intention of spending a large amount of my limited funds but I would need to spend some of it just travelling around and getting some food. I had missed my meal at the hostel last night and they didn't serve breakfasts. Then there was the issue of not appearing cheap in front of Casey. She was always in fashionable clothes and so I could only imagine the amount of money she must spend on a shopping trip such as this one, therefore I didn't want to give her an impression of being unworthy of her company just because my funds didn't match hers. It was for this reason that I had given myself the rather large budget of $100. Perhaps I could treat myself to a new outfit to wear in this place or indulge my love of music by buying some of the many tapes on offer.

Clthoes were of the highest importance because I didn't have many clothes I could wear without standing out. Today I had chosen to wear my white and yellow sundress with my white trainers. It was warm enough outside to wear it and I liked the way it reminded me of my first day in Texas and my meeting with Jasper and Katelyn.

I wondered whether they were ever together, like Katelyn had always wished. Whether Jasper ever came to call on her like he had suggested that day we said goodbye. They both deserved happiness but I wasn't sure if they truly would have had that together. Katelyn was excitable and kind but didn't seem observant or caring enough for Jasper to really connect with her. Then again they say opposites attract, that had certainly been the case for Sam and Maggie. They were the perfect team even though they had their differences. It was possible that Jasper could find that with Katelyn.

I sighed and finished making myself suitable for the day. I would have to change back into my t shirt and jeans later on today when Chris came. I doubted a sundress was suitable for skateboarding given the scrapes I had acquired yesterday.

I ran a brush through my long golden hair. It now fell in thick silky angel curls down to rest half way down my chest. I loved having my hair long and flowing but the ends were damaged from when I had slept rough or had a lack of nutrition. Somehow it still had the same satin like texture and shine but the tips were like straw and spoilt the sleek curtain as it fell down my back. I pondered having Renee cut it or me later but I couldn't spend too long in my thoughts. Casey didn't seem the type to enjoy waiting around.

I packed the few basics I would need into my old satchel. Money and my key.

Something had changed in me; I didn't feel the need to carry everything with me any longer. I had lasted yesterday without my bag and it gave me the comfort that I would be ok without having to have it close to me all the time.

My journey with Katelyn had shown me that although the tingle is the thing that decides when and where I travel to I don't have to bend completely to its will. I can put off the jump by a week if I have to. I knew I would never be able to really choose when I jump but I could postpone it once the process had started.

It was this reasoning that convinced me that even if the tingle crept up on me when I was out with Casey today I would have enough time to get back to the room and gather my things. There would be enough time for me to tie up any loose ends.

A knock sounded on the door and I jumped. It was only 10.30. Although I was dressed and ready but I hadn't cleared away my things.

"Come on Saz open up!" Casey's voice rung through the door and I panicked. My neat pile of possessions lay on the bed and I stuffed them frantically into the sack before rushing to open the door for Casey.

She was in her usual stance of near boredom and impatiently tapping whilst chewing. Her outfit was just as revealing as always but I wasn't as shocked as I had been the first few times, I was getting used to this place and the way things were.

"God Saz, took your time. I think I aged like 10 years just standing there" I choked back a giggle. If only she knew that what she had said was an actual possibility for me. I could literally have jumped and found myself looking at a 24 year old Casey in a matter of seconds.

"I apologise, I was just trying to clean up a little" I blushed as Casey inspected the room with a look of disinterest.

"Yeah right, whatever. You coming? Can't wait to show you how I live in Florida" Casey winked and dragged me out the room as she had yesterday. This time I was prepared with my keys and money in my small bag at my side. It certainly wasn't enough to survive if I jumped but I didn't need to worry about that now I just needed to survive shopping with Casey.

* * * * *

Casey's way of navigating this place was similar to Renee's way of going about everyday tasks. Haphazard and seemingly illogical. We walked up and down streets visiting stores in no particular order except for the order in which Casey's desire lead us.

There was one thing that I noticed in these places. Casey always left with an item, whether it was a new top, jewelry, CD. The list was endless. She was so frivolous with her spending I was amazed that she still had the stamina or funds to continue our shopping expedition.

I hadn't came away with anything except a full feeling in my stomach thanks to the fast food stop we had made. My lack of spending hadn't been due to not having found things that had caught my attention, but more that I couldn't find it in me to treat myself to something that would be the equivalent of 3 months food and shelter in the past. Even if I did have the money with me to do so. It seemed there was a difference between being able to bring that much money out with me and then actually spending it.

Now we stood in an electronics shop whilst Casey admired a new walkman.

The idea of portal music was tempting but the price of it was extortionate and I knew I wouldn't gain anything real from it, just a little enjoyment now and then. Plus there would be the expense of buying music to play on it. Music, that given my ability, would always be either too old fashioned or too modern for it to be acceptable, no matter how much I enjoyed it.

I wanted something that would mean so much more than fun.

My eyes raked over the shelves of electronics. It was fascinating how the world had changed so much in my time of travelling. They now had TV's that showed moving images in fabulous vibrant colour. There were music players that could almost emulate the sounds of a live orchestra in the room. Communication devices were even available in small box like structures that meant you could talk and walk at the same time without wires holding you in one place.

All these things were interesting and useful but it was one device that caught my attention and held it with its possibilities.

The Polaroid camera.

It wasn't a large object to carry and the idea of being able to capture a moment forever and have that moment and memory as a physical thing in front of me to look at, was enough for me to be intoxicated with the idea of owning it.

"Oh that's pretty!!!" Casey had bounced over behind me and we stood both admiring the shiny black box.

The price tag said $80 and I thought about the $100 in my bag. Could I spend such a large sum on this object?

"You getting it?" Casey was fiddling with the black box and spun it to take a picture of me and her together.

I watched amazed as the picture slid out of the camera and her happy face shone out next to my confused one. It was in black and white but she repeated the action after switching it to colour revealing our very different appearances.

I was so pale and simple compared to Casey. She was full of vibrant colour with her bright make up and honey blonde highlights.

I fiddled with my own blonde hair, picking at the dead ends. It was no wonder I just blended in wherever I went. I had nothing about me that made me stand out in a crowd. I wasn't the type of person that capture your attention. I wasn't someone like Casey.

"Ok, you know what, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna buy this then we're gonna get you pimped out!"Casey rushed me to the cashier and I gawped when she handed over my money.

It was $80. That was a lot of money to me and yet she just handed it over had if it was nothing. It was more than I spent in a week of being in Florida and yet now it was gone in a day.

I was stunned.

And I was still stunned when we left the shop with my new camera in hand.

"Here your gonna need a load of these" Casey bundled boxes of film and paper slips into my bag and I looked at her confused.

"Do we get them free with the camera?" There had to be year's worth of film, ink and cartridges. I couldn't imagine that I would ever have to think about buying them again.

"Sure, sure. Whatever, special offer." Casey mumbled before pulling me into a clothes store.

* * * * *

As Casey and I continued to shop, she continued to give me things.

Things that were more than I could have asked for.

Her reasons behind them ranged from discounts, special offers, buy on get 1 free, competitions.

3 more t shirts were added to my collection of one each one the height of fashion with a mix of stylish grunge and vivid colour. Along with the t shirts came a denim tight fitting shirt that stopped in the middle of my thigh, tights, a long vibrant red cardigan, mascara, a stripy purple and black scarf, lipgloss. I had never had so many possessions but with every item she gave me as a gift I noticed the look in her eye.

They weren't real gifts, there wasn't that look of excitement or anticipation in her eye. Instead there was anxiety. I didn't think much of it, the very idea of owning such beautiful items was the sole reason I didn't question her. She was being nice to me. We were talking and laughing, just like Katelyn and I, had once upon a time in Texas. She was being more like a friend than she had ever been in the time I'd known her.

I had eyed the bundles of items Casey had given me whilst I had sat in nervous excitement. As promised she had taken me to a hairdressers to complete my new look.

It had been a little unnerving to sit in the black leather chair and watch as the hairdresser assessed my hair with a look of interest. I had no idea what she was going to do or if I really wanted to have my hair cut. I knew it was probably necessary given the condition it was in but I hadn't thought of having anything done to it except for a trim off the ends.

Casey had told me to just trust her and I watched with anticipation as she had whispered to the hairdresser. After that I was spun away from the mirror to have my hair cut after having no input as to what the style of it would be.

I had been in near shock when I saw the large chunks of hair falling to the ground and the feel of scissors hacking at the blonde curtain, that I had taken 3 years to grow down to the middle of my back, sent shivers down my spine.

I anxiously waited nearly an hour before I was finally allowed to see the finished result. I knew it had been given a proper wash with expensive shampoo and conditioner because just the feel of it was fresh and healthy.

Before I opened my eyes to see the finished product I felt the satin smooth feel of my waves against my skin. They felt just like my mother's hair had whenever she leant to hug me.

The sight before my eyes when I finally opened them was breathtaking. It wasn't hugely different to outsiders but to me it was drastic.

My hair no longer fell half way down my back. Instead it was a mass of thick waves stopping just below my shoulders. The hairdresser had cut in a feathering effect around the front that brought my waves out of my hair and made it seem full of life instead of the dull state it had been before.

I had soft side swept bangs that skimmed the sides of my face and dusted over my eyes, adding interest to my bland porcelain appearance.

Casey had beamed at me as she watched me take in my new look and I couldn't help the smile that echoed back at her.

She had begged the hairdresser to take a photo of the 2 of us together and this time I didn't look confused or simple. There was a smile on my face that matched Casey's and I looked like I belonged there.

She had subtly helped me fit in just a little better.

The haircut however didn't stop me from worrying about the clothes.

"Casey? How can you afford to buy all these things? I don't want you spending so much money on me" I stroked my newly cut hair simply because I loved the way it slipped between my fingers and the style made me feel more confident. Like an adult.

I may have had to grow up a lot through the past few years but people still treated me as the child I appeared to be. Now I knew I looked a little older and it fitted the person inside me better than my long flowing locks had. They had made it seem as if I was innocent and naive to the uglier things in life when in reality I had probably endured and seen more than most adults.

I looked at Casey as she kept walking in front of me, she was stalling her answer to my question. If I was merely a child then I would have accepted her refusal to answer but I would not let her keep me in the dark.

"Casey? Tell me how you afford to buy these things" She huffed, acting like the teenager she was.

"I told you Saz, discounts and stuff. You never heard of the 5 finger discount?" Casey smirked at me. She was mocking my ignorance. I may not have been naive to many things but that didn't mean there weren't things I didn't understand. I accepted that and enjoyed discovering and learning the little things that makes each place I've visited different.

In Texas it was their way of speaking with playful metaphors, in Chicago it was the importance of etiquette and class, with Carlisle religion was the basis of the society. Here, in Florida, with Casey it seemed it was more based on social survival and the lengths at which people would go to compete.

Casey had made the decision that the competition was worth taking the risk of stealing.

It made perfect sense now. 5 finger discount.

I looked down at the fabrics and items in my bag with a new look of horror and disgust. I had never been part of something such as stealing. My parents had always taught me that you work for the things you want and although I was unable to work at my age that didn't mean that I would just let my morals crumble.

Casey had stolen the items and that was something I never agreed with. There were too many people who would rely on the sale of the clothes to make them money and provide for their families. No matter which society I had lived in, you always knew the shop owner and knew that they worked to provide for the people they loved, because of that no one ever stole. The guilt of knowing who you were stealing from was enough of a deterrent. In this day and age of anonymity that guilt seems to have vanished.

I tried explaining this to Casey to get her to give them back as we walked back towards the hostel.

"Look Saz. So I know you don't like the idea but look at it this way. The people who own these companies have millions. They're not gonna miss a few more dollars. It's like that whole robin hood thing. Take from the rich and give to the poor."

"Casey I'm not poor" I didn't like her taking pity on me just because she believed I couldn't afford to buy my own things when in reality I could easily pay for all the items she had taken but I didn't want to spend that amount of money. It was worth too much to me.

"Saz you don't have a home, you're living with some old chick with a smelly kid and no offense but you dress like some kind of walking Victorian. So just accept the clothes and I'll promise not to ever do it again" I cringed when she insulted Renee and Bella. They didn't deserve that, just as I didn't deserve the things she had given me.

That didn't mean I didn't want them.

I wanted to have these material possessions.

It was selfish and wrong, but why shouldn't I have them?

I had lost everything else that really mattered.

I would never steal myself but now that the deed was done, I wanted to keep the spoils of it.

As Casey had talked I had realised that the places she had stolen from weren't small family businesses. They were large corporations that employed helpless people for less than they were worth. They weren't the nice caring people that smiled and asked you how you were. They only cared about the profit.

I knew I was wrong to think that this was a good enough reason to forget about the fact that Casey had stolen but something in me was persuaded to think that if it was between me or the multimillion corporations, as to who deserved to have the nice things. I chose me.

Just this once I was going to experience what luxury was.

Just this once I was going to have what I wanted, even if it was just material possessions and would never be the emotional comfort I craved.

"Casey. I'll keep the clothes but if you ever do something like that again I don't want to be a part of it or even be aware of it. And as for Renee and Bella. You don't know them so don't judge"

"Right whatever Saz. You're a nice girl but you can be so uptight sometimes" Casey huffed and we walked a little longer in silence.

It had been a long day, a lot longer than I thought it had been. It seemed we had been walking for days not hours.

We didn't talk all the way back to the hostel. I think I had offended her but she shouldn't have insulted people she knew nothing about. How would she cope with a baby when she was alone?

Not very well was my opinion.

I walked past the reception but this time the receptionist didn't just smile.

"Love the new do, Honey, and you've got a message from a boy" She smiled with that look in her eye that showed she thought it was cute I had a boy visiting me. I didn't bother telling her that he was only a friend and a new one at that.

_Waited for you for ages but you're obviously out. Would have been nice if you'd just said you didn't wanna hang out. Guess you're just like Casey, only interested when it suits you. I get the message. I won't bother you._

_See you around Sarelle._

_Chris_

"Casey what time is it?" she was lounging on the battered foam sofa in the reception whilst the receptionist cast disapproving glances at her.

"Dunno like 5 ish maybe half past. Why?" she drawled and I felt fury fly through me.

"I told you I had to be back by 4. You promised last night you would get me back by 4" I almost hissed and I felt my blood boiling as she just stood there with a bored looking expression on her face.

"Well soz I thought you knew the time. Why do you wanna waste your time with Icky anyway. He's a loser"

I was seeing red in that instant. It may have been immature to lose my temper so quickly but she had driven me to it. Possibly from the moment I met her with her constant impatience, lack of social manners, expecting me to just drop everything to do something with her only to have her use me.

"He is NOT a loser! He was the one who actually talked to me whilst you just ignored me. It was like you just brought me to show me off as the shiny new thing you found then discarded me when it didn't get you the attention you wanted! I should have learnt my lesson that first time round but no I thought I would give you the benefit of the doubt today. And I was made a fool of again!" I was standing over her berating her with all the anger that ran through me and all she did was look up at me with her blank eyes.

My words and anger didn't even pierce her hard exterior. I wasn't getting through, I was just wasting my time. I had always just been wasting my time with Casey. I had only known her briefly for 3 weeks but to me those 3 weeks were precious. Every second was precious.

My father's words echoed in my mind.

"_Time is free, but it's priceless._

_You can't own it, but you can use it._

_You can't keep it, but you can spend it._

_Once you've lost it you can never get it back."_

I had thought I could enjoy the life that came with Casey but I was just wasting the one thing that was worth so much more than 'fitting in'. The strange friendship I had with Casey wasn't even worth what it had cost me. 3 weeks was too much time to me for me to just let her behaviour slip by.

"Casey, thank you for today but please don't ever visit me again. I thought I wanted to fit in with your world but if this is what it's like. I can't do it."

"Whatever, Sarelle, should've known you weren't worth it"

I could feel the tears threatening to spill over. I briskly turned away from the poisonous girl beside me, and lugged my stuff upstairs to my door. Forcing it open as the tears ran down my face.

I wanted to walk into my mother's arms but that would never happen.

Instead I dropped my bags to the floor and curled up on my bed clutching my locket to my chest. Perhaps if I held it tight enough I could imagine that my parents were here with me. That my mother's arms were around me whilst my father stroked my hair newly cut hair.

Eventually, after hours of crying induced haze, I felt a tentative pat on my hand. I turned and smiled with watery eyes at the young little toddler that stood with a dummy in its mouth and sympathetic brown eyes.

"Thank you Bella"

**A/N: Show me some love people and leave a review! xx**


	15. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Would really love some more reviews. I'm in need of some motivation :(**

**xxx**

The soft tunes of Clair de Lune echoed through my ears as I lay in stretched out on my bed staring at the cream ceiling. The small tape player was Renee's, but the classical tap was mine, and it had become like a lifeline to me the past few weeks that I stayed here.

I hadn't heard from or seen Casey and I found I didn't crave her company, however neither have I had any contact from Chris and I wished that I had some way of apologising for the incident that had pushed him away. I had been cut off from that little world of socialising after experiencing only a couple days of it. Instead I had sunk back into my routine of visiting the library and the music store to keep me from insanity.

There was only one bright new addition to my life in this place and that was the friendship I had developed with Renee and little Bella.

Renee could spend hours asking me various questions about my life, the differences between the time's I've lived in and the ways in which each society worked. Each little tale I told her would bring more questions with it and I soon found that I was divulging every small detail of my life without gaining any insight into her own. I had never been a person to long for the attention to always be fixed on myself and so it went against my nature to have my life's story completely exposed to someone I have only known for a month.

However there was something so disarming about Renee, she held a very childish opinion of the world. Not in a way that was naive or overly innocent instead she saw things differently to other people. She saw opportunities in situations that others would never have had the mindset to see. I enjoyed the way she would describe how she saw each of my stories. That small insight into her imagination was a wonderful thing.

I shifted on my bed as I heard the locked rattling, it was a clear sign that Renee was home and I slowly sat up preparing myself for the whirlwind she would bring with her. The new questions she may have thought up during her day, a description of things she'd seen on or done in the day, new things that Bella may have done. She was only a few years old but the little girl was already intelligent for her age. She would often sit quietly beside me drawing small pictures with her crayons whilst I listened to my music or read from one of the many library books I had piled next to my bed.

I smiled when I looked to see her latest drawing stuck to Renee's bed. It was of the 3 of us all standing together holding hands with big smiles on our faces. She'd drawn me with bright yellow hair whilst musical notes danced in the air around my stick figure. I had shown her the little compositions that I had learnt whilst at the music store and although I knew she didn't really understand what they meant I was proud to see that she still associated them with me and had remembered that I had shared them with her.

As a 2 year old she was at the peak of her inquisitive nature and it was amusing to see that Bella's little questions of how, what, and why, almost matched the same questions Renee asked me.

Renee burst into the room with her usual flurry of movement and she whirled round the room organising herself in the same haphazard fashion as she always did. I watched as she placed Bella on the floor and she toddled towards me with a toothy smile on her face.

"Sarelle!" Her sweet little voice called out as she grasped at the air as her signal for me to lift her onto the bed with me.

"Hello Little Bella. Did you have a nice day?" She didn't answer because she was too busy trying to reach for one of the books I had on the top of my pile. The cover capturing her attention, it was Aslo's.

Renee had already accepted Bella's fascination with the images in the book. I made sure not to show her every picture but I knew by now the ones that were safe to expose to her young eyes.

As she strained to reach the book I leant over and picked it up opening it on my knees as Bella snuggled into my side.

I heard Renee give a small chuckle and the sound of my camera shutter going off sounded through the room before she continued with whatever task she was doing, before she had stopped to see me and Bella sitting together. Since I got my camera I had taken several photos of Renee, Bella, Florida. All of us together. I was starting to gather a small collection which I kept with my diary as my little memory bank.

I could hear Renee softly humming along with the music on the tape. I knew Clair de Lune had become a favourite of hers since I introduced her to it and so now it was a regular soundtrack to our time together in this little room.

I slowly began to flick through the book of images whilst Bella sat quietly studying each image and occasionally stroking the page as if the picture would somehow step out of the paper.

I softly stroked her hair as we gazed upon the sketches together. She never uttered a word just sat quietly focussing on what she thought were just pretty pictures. Finally we reached the picture that seemed to be her favourite and I could understand why. The detailing was beautiful and the idea behind it was stunning.

The image consisted of a single man standing in a stone courtyard with the sun beaming down on him. Alley ways and dark corners were in the background but it was the man that was the focus of the picture and he held your attention from the moment of laying your eyes on the page. His skin appeared to glitter in the sunlight like a million diamonds lay embedded in his skin. Dazzling stripes of light bounced off him and Also had managed to capture every one of them as they danced around the courtyard. If the diamond like texture of his skin didn't spark the attention then it was the pure serenity that was on his face that seemed to echo out the page. His stance was of his arms stretched wide and his chest bare to bask in the beautiful sunlight like he was an angel waiting to ascend to heaven.

It was definitely some of Aslo's best work but there was something about the picture that didn't match the peaceful smile on the man's lips. The way Also had roughly sketched the background with rash strokes of his pencil against the page instead of soft subtle shading.

This image showed an event in Also's life that was too vivid to him and not for the right reasons.

I sighed and shut the book. I could feel Bella's heavy body next to me which meant she had fallen asleep and I knew she would have nice dreams of the angelic man and his exquisite skin that caused rainbows to dance in the sky.

"Is she off?" Renee asked softly and I broke out of my thoughts finally realising that the room was silent, not even my music played to pierce the quiet.

"I believe so." Renee picked Bella up with a slight heave and placed her snugly into her crib after removing her shoes and dungarees. I watched as Renee carried out Bella's night time routine in a muddled order. She was still adapting to being a single mum and although she didn't do it the conventional way, she managed to get everything done eventually. The observation brought a question to my mind but I wasn't sure if Renee would want to answer it, she hadn't offered the information to me freely and I didn't want to intrude where she wouldn't want me. Then again I had spilled everything to her, I felt like in a way I deserved to know a little more about her.

"Where's her father?" Renee stiffened as the words drifted from my lips into the air.

I heard her sigh and she turned to me draping Bella's blanket over the edge of the crib.

"He's in Forks, Washington. He's the police chief there." She was fiddling with Bella's dungarees as she wandered to sit beside me on my bed.

"Did he not want Bella?" I couldn't understand why he would feel any resentment towards such a sweet child.

"No, no nothing like that. I didn't want the same life as him. I couldn't live in that small town any longer." Renee's voice had some desperation in it and it reminded me faintly of the desperation I had felt at the asylum. The need to escape.

"What was he like?" I wanted to know if Bella took after he father because she certainly didn't show any of Renee's qualities.

"Charlie, well he was a very kind man. Loving, protective, loyal. He would do anything for me, but he didn't understand that I felt penned in. We had gotten married so young and then I had Bella and I just felt like I was suffocating. I just imagined that I was going to live and die in that town and never experience anything of the life outside it. I hated that feeling. So I ran" Renee choked up on the last few words and I assumed the memories of her departure from Charlie were distressing.

"It must be hard to leave someone you love" I said softly and she nodded rapidly.

"More than you know. But it was either I gave up him or I gave up on myself. I couldn't face the life of constantly thinking 'what if' so I took the plunge and here I am. Living in a hostel with a 2 year old little girl and the benefits hardly cover all my expenses." Her eyes were watering from the stress as she spilled everything out of herself.

I felt helpless.

I couldn't do anything to stop her situation from getting worse, I could only comfort her and hope that I can ease some of her worries. Help her see life always has positives.

"I know you're having doubts about your decision Renee but I believe you did the right thing. My father once said: 'Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back.' He always told me to never waste my time being unhappy. Things may be hard at the moment but everyone must go through hardships to get something they really want. Trust me Renee, you will have your happily ever after. You and Bella" She sniffled and collapsed into me as I rubbed reassuring circles on her back. My skin tickled against her top and I froze for a second when the tickle flowed over me in a definite tingle.

I focussed back on Renee and felt the tingle disappear. It was a false alarm. I relaxed and continued my circles

I thought it was an interesting dynamic. Me, a child, comforting an adult in the same way my mother used to comfort me if I was sad. Then again Renee still had the childlike need for protection. It made sense to me that she married a police chief; he would have always made her feel safe. However just like a child she liked adventure and an adventure means you have to give up some of your need for safety. Sometimes decisions have to be made, some of which may hold a risk and may turn out to be a mistake but it is those mistakes and decisions that shape a person's life. To avoid them is impossible because it's human nature to take the wrong path or chose the wrong choice, and you can't deny nature. It finds you no matter how fast you run or how well you hide.

* * * * *

The beginning of June came and went and my life hadn't changed. I had worked my way through the books that interested me and could now play a large repertoire of classical piano tunes, some of which I played for Renee and Bella at the music store.

I knew Renee was still worrying about her decision to leave Bella's father, deep down below the surface of smiles and crazy ideas. I hadn't mentioned him anymore since our conversation and it seemed she was happier having it left alone rather than talking through her thoughts and feelings regarding him.

I knew she was still in love with him but I also knew she didn't love him enough to go back to the life she'd had with him. She never would. There was something about the way she looked when she walked the Floridian streets on those few outings we had been on all together. Her eyes loved to soak up everything about the place, they showed that she felt as if she belonged and when I watched her I had to agree. Her personality and outlook on life fit with the busy but carefree streets around Tampa bay. Her and Bella would be happy in this place for however long she decided to stay here.

I wandered around the dull room as I reorganised my library books. Most of them would have to go back today because I certainly didn't have the money to fritter away on paying fines.

I caressed the cover of the only book I had read more than once.

Pride and Prejudice.

It had been like my comfort blanket in the first few weeks that I took to adapt to this place. It was a kind reminder of where I came from and so I had read it much more often than the others.

It wasn't my only favourite that I had discovered, I was also a fan of the other classic literary greats, the Bronte sisters, Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde even Virginia Wolfe had captured some of my imagination.

I couldn't say what attracted me to each of their works but something about them just appealed to me. The style of writing, how they were different to the modern works. The way each author had seen the world in a different way but still agreed on one thing. That love was the food of life.

Perhaps part of me was trying to find that urge in me to fall in love. There was a possibility that I was drawn to reading them because they described something I had never experienced. I liked the way the stories made me feel and it almost made me feel excited for the moment when I met the person who would make me feel the way those books did. The way I felt when I read about the handsome man declaring his love to the main female character.

I may have still considered myself too young to fall in love but I now knew that it was something I wanted and would embrace when I finally thought myself mature enough to really feel it fully.

I placed the book on the return pile however once I came back up to my standing position I felt a rush of faintness passing through me, like a head rush making my head swirl.

The tingle burst out on my skin, stronger than I had ever felt it. It was similar to the intensity I had felt just before I left Katelyn only this time it hadn't snuck up on me, it had come in a rush.

I searched my mind frantically looking for something that proved this was the first time of feeling the tingle, praying that I could tame it and stay to say a goodbye to Renee and Bella. If this was the first time of feeling it I knew I had some time to gather my thoughts.

But then it clicked. This wasn't the first time I'd felt it. I had felt the tingle surge through me when I had comforted Renee and any time the wind fluttered on my face, in the past few days, it would tingle across my skin. I had brushed it off but the reality was that I had been in denial and therefore tricked my brain into believing the tingle didn't exist.

I had made the careless mistake of not expecting it and then refusing it when it appeared.

I could feel the tears running down my face and they're tracks made the tingle rage.

I couldn't just abandon them, I needed to say goodbye.

Another wave came over me and it felt like I drowned in the intensity that was spreading through me. It was already starting to eat away at me; I had no time left to wait for them.

I rushed around the room packing as much as I possibly could into my sack. All my belongings, my diary, music, photos, new clothes.

They would return to find nothing left of me, nothing to tell them what happened to me. Although I knew Renee would understand.

I glanced at the picture Bella had drawn of all of us together.

I may not have been able to say goodbye to them in person but that didn't mean I couldn't say goodbye to them at all.

In a rush of movement I dug out my silver pen and reached for the picture turning it over to leave Renee the only piece of me that I could give her.

_Dear Renee and Little Bella,_

_I wanted to say a proper goodbye but time waits for no one._

_You have made these past few months some of the best in my life and I will miss you both dearly._

_I wish this letter could be longer but I can't keep myself any longer, I can feel myself fading at this very moment._

_Renee, never doubt yourself. The few month's I've known you I have seen you have a mind like no other person I've met and an instinct that seems more aware of the peculiar than most others. Always trust your first instinct._

_Keep Bella safe._

_Your forever friend_

_Sarelle_

_X_

I clutched the pen and sack in my hand as the tingle washed over me for the final time and I fell apart into the unfamiliar.

* * * * *

My body didn't take long to settle. It seemed the tingle disappeared with the same intensity that it had crashed over me. I plunged into a sensory overload as my eyes burst open.

I gasped as I took in the sight around me. I was amongst a thick forest made up of tall trees with slender but strong trunks, reaching up into the sky. The leaves that filled their branches cast the forest in soft jade light, which was pierced in places to let shafts of pure sunlight hit the forest floor. Those patches gave the thick foliage below a chance to absorb the light they needed to survive.

I lifted my face, letting the light and shadow dance across my skin whilst I admired the criss-crossing pattern of the branches above me. There was something about this place that stopped the peace and quiet from being comfortable. The trees stood utterly still, statues in a living museum where no leaf dared to fall.

As I bathed my face in the subtle light, I inhaled the distinct scent as it hung heavy in the stale damp forest air. The tree trunks released the smell of nature through their surface whilst the decaying debris below my feet permeated the air with a dank odour due to the shifting of my shoes.

A short snap caused me to spin my body in panic. I was met with nothing but more of the green expanse, however the absence of a reason for the snap didn't settle my nerves. Instead I found them heightened, and the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end with the effect of the adrenaline still present.

A deep breath helped to settle my system, but the silence still kept me on edge as I started to travel through the forest.

My jeans scratched against the ferns and scrubs whilst I tried to navigate my way over the slippery fallen logs and ditches carved into the ground through history.

I didn't know where I was, or where I was walking to, but that didn't stop me from steadily trudging through the forest as the hours passed me by. Time was just an emerald haze, whilst quiet crackles and creaks created an unnerving soundtrack to my journey.

"Please! No!" The words echoed through the surrounding air, and the hysterical sobs were followed by a heart wrenching scream of misery. I felt my body tense at the sound, but my instinct told me to run towards the sound. It was human, and that meant civilisation. With the hours of solitude, I was in desperate need of seeing someone, even if it meant purposefully placing myself in a risky situation.

I knew if I could follow that scream, I could find something that I would recognise. A house, a road, a person. I've learnt through my life, so far, that you have to take risks if you are going to survive. I learnt that on my very first jump. If I hadn't taken the risk of trusting Carlisle I would have been left to walk the dark London streets.

I shuddered at the fate I would, most likely, have met. A gruesome, and agonising death at the hands of a nightmarish monster with terrifyingly vivid red eyes.

My risks so far had paid off in a way, there had still been moments that my luck had faltered, and resulted in creating memories I chose to keep buried in the darker recesses of my mind. I just hoped this decision to race towards the distressing sound would be one of the risks that had a positive outcome.

My breathing was heavy and strained as I battled through the weaving maze. The strap on my sack was rubbing against my shoulder and the weight of it rested on my back. It caused my posture to be bent over, and buckled. My contorted spine ached as I kept pushing my legs forward whilst my muscles burned in complaint.

"He can't be gone! Please, God, please!" The same harrowing cries were closer now, and I ignored the fire in my legs as I continued to thunder through the forest.

New sounds were creeping into the silence of the forest.

Sobs drifted on the near nonexistent breeze, and I could hear consoling voices battling against others filled with despairing anger.

My footsteps quietened when a rustic wooden house appeared in my eyesight through a gap in the thick forestry surrounding me. The voices were now coming from inside the house, but I assumed the inhabitants had only just entered the house because the door was left half open.

I rested against a tree close by to the house whilst I gathered my breath. My blood was rushing in my ears and my hair stuck to my forehead where sweat, and damp from the air, had settled during my frantic run.

My eyes rested carefully on the house, watching the door and window through the shrubbery, which I was hidden behind.

Soft voices were barely readable as they diffused out the open door.

I could hear the definite sniffling noises of crying and I wondered what could have happened to cause such a reaction.

My curiosity burned when I caught sight of a young girl with full brown ringlets burying her face into the open arms of a woman I assumed to be her mother. The mother's hair was cut into a dark bob of large rolling curls that didn't suit the tear stained distress upon her middle aged face. The woman comforted the child as they sat together on a wicker seat. I could only just see them through the window, and I would have thought they were alone if it were not for the booming strong male voice.

"It's been 2 weeks and nothing! We've searched the forest but there's no sign of him. That daft boy has probably just followed a girl. It wouldn't be the first time he disappeared to chase some pretty little lady halfway across America!" The man's voice was a mix of worry, anger and humour. It was as if he was trying to mask his pain with jokes, but even I could hear it wasn't working.

"If he's got his brain muddled by some fancy little thing then I doubt he's even thought to write. Just give him another week or 2 and he'll be back. He always is" The voice answered something the mother said. The strength of its statement faded, and I sensed that realisation had started to settle in the voices mind. Whatever the mother had said had caused the voice to lose some of the optimism it had held before.

The girl with the ringlets removed herself from the mother's embrace and walked briskly out from my eye line with her head bent, so that her doll like hair hid her face.

I jumped when she burst out through the door, and didn't stop her purposeful walking as she came straight for my hiding place. Her body weaved round the debris on the floor, and I looked over her carefully. Her dress was a simple navy blue pinafore dress with plain dark brown mary-janes. It was definitely older fashioned than my current outfit from 1989. It didn't give me an understanding of where I was, or what time period, but I could tell from the accent of the deeper voice that I was still in America, although the accent was slightly different to any I had experienced.

My eyes left her outfit and took in her face. She was a perfect china doll with big expressive brown eyes, an oval shaped face, and her bouncing ringlets. I could see a smattering of freckles across her nose but they didn't interrupt the roses on her cheeks. All these pretty features were marred by the redness in her eyes from too much crying, and the way in which her face was screwed up in misery.

I watched her from my place beside the moss covered tree whilst she navigated the uneven ground. She was heading right for me but I couldn't move. My sack seemed heavier than usual due to my exhaustion. I hadn't eaten all day and the only water that had passed my lips was from a small stream a few hours ago.

My panic continued to grow as she neared my tree. In one swift movement she left the brightness of the clearing surrounding her home and entered my side of green mist. The magical and mystical environment of the shaded forest.

The shade had a peculiar effect on her skin causing it to appear sallow and sickly instead of the healthy vision it had been before.

She huffed and turned towards me jumping instantly when she saw me before her.

I saw her stumble back slightly in surprise before she just stared at me. No sound left her gaping mouth, and no movement altered her frozen shocked posture. We stayed in that tensed state for a few long minutes until a bird call caused her to blink, and melt back into a moving human being rather than the statue she had been before.

Her brow furrowed, and she tentatively extended her hand to me.

I stared at that hand for a few seconds before I shook it gently.

"Hello" Her voice was light and bubbly even in her state of shock.

I tucked my knees up to my chest and snuggled a little further back into the tree. I knew she was nothing to be afraid of, but I was still unsure of how she would react to my state of dress. I was in ripped dark denim jeans, black chucks and a black fitted t shirt with a slightly gothic stencil printed on it in white and red. Hardly the appropriate attire for a girl my age in this era.

"Hello" I said and she smiled slightly before folding herself onto a rotting log a metre away from me.

"Excuse me for being rude, but who are you?" A small smile lit her face, and I saw faint dimples appear to add to the child like innocence of her appearance.

"Sarelle" I replied. The girl nodded.

"I'm Kelsey. Why are you outside our home?"

"I apologise. I was lost in the woods, and I came across your home. I just needed to rest so that is how I came to be sitting against this tree." I sighed out of exhaustion, I didn't know what the time was but I imagined there would not be a lot of daylight left for me to find somewhere safe to stay.

"Not just any old tree. That's my tree." Kelsey smirked and I shifted to move until I heard her produce a small laugh at my efforts.

"Don't be silly, you don't have to move."

"Thank you." I blushed, and saw Kelsey looking out to the rest of the forest with a sad look on her face.

"You really shouldn't be out in the woods. It's not safe. Isn't it awful that such a tranquil place can hold so much danger?" Her voice was far off but I picked up on the sorrow that filled it.

"Don't say that, I've still got to walk through there." I tried to joke but what Kelsey had said was now playing on my mind.

She giggled a little before sniffling.

"Sorry. Emmett used to tell me all sorts of scary stories, but no matter what happened in the story he always made himself into the hero. The big strong man saving the day." Kelsey chuckled, and I smiled slightly.

"Was that Emmett talking earlier?"

Fresh tears pooled in Kelsey's eyes, and I instantly regretted my question.

"No, he's gone. One day he went out but he never come back." Sobs wracked through her little body, and I awkwardly reached across to stroke her arm. I barely knew this girl but I couldn't watch her cry without offering her some kind of comfort. From what she had said, and what I had overheard, she was suffering through the loss of a loved one whether it was temporary, or otherwise, it would still hurt.

"If he's the hero he said he was then I'm sure he's fine" Was it wrong to try and give her hope when it may be false? Then again what else could I say without causing her pain? I may not know her but that didn't change the fact that she needed to feel some optimism that her brother would come home. If my words could give her that small amount of optimism, then I knew I had done the right thing.

**A/N: OK peole show me some love. I think I've finally pinned down the plot for this story and I have to say I'm pretty damn proud of myself. There's going to be quite of a lot of twists and turns coming your way so stick with me and let me know what you think, or any predictions you might have for what is going to happen :D**


	16. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: I'm taking a detour from my schedule. Not for any particular reason, except for the fact that it's MY BIRTHDAY!!! (on thursday, 18th February) so big 'woo' from me. Still an immature 19 year old (I'm clinging desperately to my teens)**

**There'll be another chapter up on saturday as planned and I'm hoping I'll be back on scedule after that.**

**Enjoy my amigos!**

I didn't stay with Kelsey for long.

The impending night shortened the amount of time I could spend talking to her, and so I left her with a cheerful goodbye only a few hours after we met.

However although I had said a definitive goodbye I didn't leave without taking a picture of her. She was just one of the many people I had met in my life and I felt the need to document each person with an image. Just as Aslo had kept a pictorial diary of acquainces, sights and feelings. I wanted to have a collection of images that I could look back on when I'm old and grey. Something to remind me of all the small and (to others) insignificant moments in my life. Meeting Kelsey would be one of those moments, because although I had only talked with her for a few short hours, I had developed a high opinion of her. She was loyal, and caring but there was an humorous edge to her words that suited the happy glint in her brown eyes.

She was exactly how I expected a young girl to be.

In truth she was exactly how I was when I was less experienced in this world.

However, just as I had faced the harsher facts of this life, Kelsey would also have to endure the cruelties that often came hand in hand with reality. No life was spared of sadness and no matter how much happiness shines through it, there will always be a small dark cloud to blemish the unending stretch of sunshine. For Kelsey her black cloud would be the loss of her brother.

I wanted to think that he would come back and her life would be spared the heartache, but there was something in me that sensed that he wouldn't and that meant that over the next few weeks Kelsey would have to deal with the realisation that would inevitably set in. This being the realisation that her brother, Emmett, was no longer a part of their family, and never would be again.

As I continued my tired march through the forest I kept my mind off Emmett disappearance. I didn't want my imagination to go into that dark and sinister place of monsters and ghouls.

I was fighting a losing battle against the sun as it steadily made its way across the hidden sky. I had to get to civilisation before the forest became nothing but darkness, however a gentle fizzing in my veins told me that the tingle was still active below my surface.

I was torn between finding safety in a strange new society and taking the risk of disappearing in front of someone's eyes, or wandering through the forest in darkness in the hope that the tingle sparks on my skin and takes me away unseen.

Then again here I was contemplating my options when really I feared that I wouldn't be given the choice.

Kelsey had pointed me in the direction of the main road but my exhaustion had caused my mind to be blurred, and so I soon found myself walking aimlessly through the constant green surroundings.

I had no way of knowing where I was going, or what I was looking for.

I was lost and panic was setting in at the prospects of having to sleep out here alone, while I waited for the tingle to take me away.

* * * * *

Sunset caused the forest to glow with a mix of greeen and orange light.

My daylight time was running out fast and the only reassurance I had was the now definite tingle that surrounded me in the air.

I had tried several times to trigger the jump. I'd stood still and just focussed my mind on the sensation that took over my body when I jumped, trying to imagine it into fruition. I had even tried taking deep electrified breaths of the woodsy air, hoping that I might absorb the tingle through my lungs.

Nothing worked and now I had run out of energy. My body was weak and I couldn't find it in me to move forward through the forest, or use my mind to find a way out of this maze.

I wanted food and water. I even dared to dream of a nice hot bath to bathe my aching muscles.

I felt my body slacken into a resigned posture of limp arms and sprawled out legs, as I rested against my sack.

I would just wait here in my vulnerable and feeble state, until something else made the decision for me to either jump, move, or die.

The tiredness that made my limbs heavy was causing my whole mind to become directionless and nothing more than a haze of the past few hours. Apathy ruled my being, and I felt my senses dull to my surroundings as I stared off into space.

I knew the weakness I felt wasn't really due to my lack of nutrition because I had survived on far less than I had eaten recently. Instead, I found that, for once in my life, I had no objective. There was nothing for me to feasible work towards. There may have been the hunt for civilisation to occupy my time but right now my own indecision of what to do meant that I couldn't find the energy, or drive, to really find a way out of this forest.

Perhaps a worn out part of me didn't want to.

After all if I did find civilisation, what would be waiting for me?

I had no family to welcome me home, no friends to stay and live with, no place to call my own. I didn't even have knowledge or understanding of where I was.

I had spent so much of my travelling life having to work at living whilst others did it with ease. For once I wanted to relax and know the jump wasn't coming. I wanted the chance to live my life as everyone else did. I wanted to be able to build a home around me and know that it wouldn't crumble before my eyes , as if it were merely build of sand and nothing more.

Why had I been made to live this life? What was it about me that meant I should be chosen to have a half lived existence?

I felt anger boil in me and with it came the energy to fight.

I had come to this point of frustration and apathy so many times, and every time I had picked myself back up and started my life again as usual. This time would be no different.

I forced my aching legs to stand myself up and took a deep breath of revitalising air.

A look to the sky told me I would only have an hour of sunlight left before darkness descended upon me.

I doubted I would find a way out of this place in that short hour but I could at least find a clearing or cave to sleep in. It wasn't like I wasn't used to sleeping in the night's sky, or without comfort. I had done it before and I could do it now. I didn't even fear the dark anymore because, for some reason, I always felt like Aslo was with me. Like those many times he had watched over me as I slept in my pitch black cell in the asylum.

I marched with determination through the forest once again, but this time I had not thoughts of giving up and giving in. I had a goal in mind and a course to follow.

I may not have known where I was going but I decided that if I continued to head north then at least I wouldn't be going in circles, as I feared I had been doing.

I knew it was a risk to just walk without any real direction, but what else could I do? I had no real knowledge of this area, no map to follow. My intuition was all I had and it was telling me to go north. I could sense that north would lead me to somewhere or something.

* * * * *

The light was fading, creating new shadows and dark patches around me. Eyes glimmered from tree hollows. The wind whispered between distorted trunks, carrying the sickly stink of wood rot. I continued to move at my steady pace, ignoring the briars that caught at my jeans, and the damp leaves that grimed my skin.

The tingle was raging around me, and so I wasn't just walking to find shelter but I was walking towards that moment when my body would succumb to the tension that surrounded me and I would be released from the stress this forest had given me.

I still had the feeling that I was coming towards something of importance. It may have been just my hope that at any moment I would find the thing I had been looking for, whatever that was, but there was something niggling at the back of my mind that told me that the feeling in the pit of my stomach wasn't just hope. It was something real, and that meant I had to keep going. I had to get to that place that was calling to me, because that place was exactly what I needed. Even if right now I wasn't entirely certain what that was.

When I thought of the feeling that was leading me I wondered what exactly it was. Hope was certainly one explanation but another popped into my mind, and that was that this feeling was just a by-product of my solitude. Like a raw primal instinct that had been buried with my years of instinct numbing societies.

Right now as my feet thundered on the wet ground, I felt that my mind had given itself over to the more basic means of direction. Somehow my subconscious was leading to me safety, to something I knew of.

It was because of these instinctive senses that my body flooded with adrenaline at the clear animalistic sound coming from the shrubbery to my left.

That sound brought with it a sudden rush of fear and visions of something that could have killed Kelsey's missing brother.

I stood immobile as my blood chilled with terror.

Another grizzly snarl pierced the air around me only this time it wasn't to my left but in front of me slightly to the right. Whatever it was that was stalking me, was fast and ravenous.

A small part of me had already given into the idea that this would be my end, and it was that part that felt relief that my death would be quick, although I couldn't find any guarantee that it would be painless.

I spun helplessly trying to track the predator, but my eyes were met with nothing but forest and my ears could only hear silence.

Not even the steady sounds of woodland wildlife filled my ears. This alone caused more apprehension to saturate me.

The wind ruffled my hair and I caught the terrifying sound of a bloodcurdling growl come from the darkened patch of trees ahead of me.

I stared straight ahead.

I wanted to face the creature that would end my days.

A breeze blew and with it I saw a flash of white crossing the area in front of me.

This was it.

I clutched my locket to my chest and clenched my eyes shut, soaking my mind with the memories I had gathered so far.

Those blissful days with my parents.

The happy but hard times with Carlisle and Andrew.

My friendship with the Masen's.

The unusual time I spent with Aslo and Mary.

Renee and Bella and the bright vibrance of Florida.

The hot sticky days in Texas.

Each person I met had their face imprinted on my mind and I flickered through them like a picture book.

I was jolted out of my memory lane by a loud clash sounding through the air close to me. It was like the sound that echoes through the atmosphere during a thunder storm only this sound was very much grounded.

My eyes snapped open and I gasped when I saw a white blurred mass with intermittent colours flashing through it. I couldn't make out the details but my mind reeled when I identified that the struggling masses were human, or something like it.

My gasp caught the attention of one of them and I saw a blond man stand whilst 2 women held down a dark haired broadly muscled man. They seemed to be having difficulty with keeping him in place.

I could see agony and hunger twisting the man's features as he battled against the 2 women.

His eyes glowed a vivid ruby red but were flashing with pitch black whenever his fiery gaze settled on me.

I knew what he was but couldn't look at him for long because my eyes were drawn to the blond man standing over the struggling man.

That man meant something to me. He was the reason I had the instinctive feeling in my stomach. He was what I had been walking towards and I hadn't even known it.

There was something about the way he held himself and the manner in which he rested a gentle but firm hand on the agonised man before him.

I knew that gesture.

I _knew_ this man.

"Carlisle?" I whispered and the man turned to look at me in shock and confusion.

Even though his expression wasn't one I was used to on his gentle face, I recognised him instantly.

His eyes were different, not the soft blue they had been but instead a honey gold. The colour didn't matter to me because they still held the kind and compassionate emotion he had shown me in our time together.

His eyes roamed over me and I waited for recognition to flash on his features, but it didn't.

"Carl.."My voice cut out and I felt my whole body fizz as the tingle surged in me.

I looked down at my fingertip and saw them disappearing before my eyes.

Panic filled me as I glanced back up at Carlisle and saw his eyes widen at the sight of me fading away in front of him. Even the two ethereal women were looking at me in wonder.

This moment was what had been leading me to this specific spot. The place I would see Carlisle again.

This was what fate had decided for me.

It was giving me the chance to say a goodbye to the man I had left for dead.

I had to take this bizarre opportunity. It may not have been how I had hoped to see Carlisle again, but it was the chance I was given and that was enough for me.

"I missed you, but at least this time I got to say goodbye," I said but with each syllable the tingle was ripping me from reality. By the end of the sentence my voice was just a whisper on the wind.

Just a whispered comment.

That was all I could give him after all these years. I just hoped it would be enough to ease my conscience after all those guilty memories I had relating to how I had abandoned him.

As my body washed away on the timeline, I felt the guilt, which I had regarding Carlisle, get left behind.

For once I left a place with my emotional baggage feeling lighter than it was before.

**A/N: So yey! She got to see Carlisle again :D**

**Since it's my birthday, maybe a review as a present?**


	17. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: So it's saturday and that means (as promised) another chapter. Hopefully this is a happy chapter, well that's how it was meant to be.**

**Huge thank you for everyone who has reviewed this story so far, I'm always a very happy bunny when I see there's a new review. :D**

My back was stiff, and my mouth registered the feel of short grass sticking inside of it. As I woke up from my deep sleep I could feel soft sunlight resting on my skin and a light breeze playing with my hair.

I groaned when I rolled over from my sleeping place, feeling the ache in my joints that I had inflicted on myself by sleeping on the hard ground. Other than the dull ache that settled in my body, I couldn't feel the intensity of the exhaustion I had felt yesterday. My stomach still rumbled for food, and my mouth was parched dry with the need for water, but all these negative feelings faded when I remembered the sight of Carlisle.

He had looked content beneath his confused expression, and I had noticed subtle differences between the human man I had known and the exquisite creature that had stood mere metres in front of me.

His hair was a glorious shade of golden blonde, and there was something fluid and graceful about his posture even though he stood stone still. His hair wasn't the only physical appearance that had changed. His skin was paler than it had been before and the light ruddy tone in his cheeks had vanished. He was everything the man I had known had been and yet so much more as well. The man I had known had been so kind and caring, but he was only human and could only give so much. The immortal I spoke to seemed to almost shine with a compassion that I didn't think any human could emulate.

A sigh left me as I finally opened my eyes to see the place I had spent the night.

It took a few moments for me to adjust to the bright light, but I soon saw that I was lying in a small thicket with shrubs bunched around me.

I sat up from my sleeping place and ran my hand through my hair, removing some stray twigs that had embedded themselves in my waves. As I shifted my weight a bird flew past me in a scared attempt to escape. Its calls sounded out around me, and its frantic flight path led me to stand and look out further.

The sight before me was a wonderful summer scene of lush green grass and sunshine bouncing off a ponds surface. Another flutter of wind tickled my face, bringing with it the fresh smell of pollen and cut grass. It was a nice change instead of the heady smell of rotten wood, which had saturated my nose in the forest yesterday.

The sound of crunching footsteps interrupted the subtle sound of rustling leaves that I heard as the breeze played in the trees nearby.

"Such a blustery day, it's a shame because I was rather enjoying the sunshine." A woman's voice commented, and a couple soon came into view as they wandered leisurely along a gravel path, not far from my hiding place.

I had ducked down to peek over the top of a rose bush as the couple walked past. The woman was dressed in an Edwardian style outfit of a full length yellow and white dress with lace cuffs decorating the short puffed sleeves.

Her hands was covered in petite white gloves as she walked linked with a man dressed in a simple dark suit matched with a grey waistcoat and hat.

Their attire triggered a memory, and I looked upon my environment with new eyes.

It wasn't just another pretty park in summertime.

This place was the same setting in which my meeting with the Masen's had taken place. I thought back to that day with fondness, even though at the time it hadn't been such a happy day.

How interesting that I was in the same place as last time, after seeing the same man as I had last time. Only this time I wasn't sitting in tears and covered in the horror of my previous jump. This time I wasn't filled with sadness at having abandoned someone I had cared for. Instead now I stood four years older, wiser, and happier.

I craned my head from my hiding place and watched as the man and woman continued to walk down the path, their conversation still accessible to my ears.

"I do hope it doesn't rain before we get home. I've only just had my hair done," the woman complained, and I looked to the sky due to curiosity from her comment.

The smattering of clouds created patches of blue where the sun beamed down but on the horizon dark clouds were gathering.

"Darling, what else would you expect from Chicago in the summer. Rain is a regular occurrence," The man chuckled and kissed his companions cheek.

The couple eventually disappeared out of my range of sight and hearing. I took the moment to assess my condition.

I slipped a small compact mirror out of my bag and looked to see that my face was clean except for a few smudges of dirt, which I removed swiftly. My hair was also relatively tame, nothing a brush wouldn't fix. My clothes, of course, would have to be changed if I was to move from this little secret clearing.

I rummaged through my bag to find something to wear. I pulled out various pieces of fabric and as I did a square of paper swirled into the air, landing at my feet. I bent to pick it up and gazed upon the portrait of the Masen's, their faces beaming out at me. I felt my heart race with excitement when I thought what being in this park could mean. I had already had my chance to see Carlisle again; could it be possible that now was my chance to see the Masen's?

My body filled with anticipation as I continued to hunt for some suitable clothing. If I was going to see them again then I wanted to look in a better state than I had the first time I met them. After a little deliberation I finally chose a powder blue ruffled sundress that stopped at my knees. I had only really had a choice between this, my white and yellow sundress, and a green full length dress.

The green dress would have been too hot but that wasn't the only reason I disregarded it. The main reason was because it just didn't fit. It had been bought for me nearly 4 years ago, and my body had changed in that time.

Even the blue dress was uncomfortably tight and probably a little shorter than expected in this era. I knew that I shouldn't really keep the garments because they took up space in a bag that was already full to the brim.

Surprisingly, it hurt to think of parting with the pretty little dresses, but I ignored my irrational feelings as I removed the green dress from my bag and folded it neatly on the floor. Even though I had given up the green dress, I couldn't leave my white sundress behind. It still held memories of not only the Masen's but also of Texas and Florida. It had been my comfort outfit for several jumps and I just couldn't leave it on the grass to be left to the elements.

After a few minutes of making my appearance look presentable, I stood awkwardly in my constricting dress. I swung my bag over my shoulder and stepped out into the open to find my way towards the people that had taken me in when I looked like nothing more than a scruffy street urchin.

As I wandered through the town I soaked up the comfortable feeling I got from the large stone buildings and pretty shop windows. It was so similar to the London I had grown up in and loved. It somehow just felt like home, more than any of the other places I had been to.

My journey through Chicago wasn't a leisurely stroll but instead a brisk walk. I stopped along the way to indulge in a much needed meal before I continued. I didn't want to turn up and need to be fed and watered.

My gaze flitted around me as I walked; watching as carriages passed by on the cobbled road. Women walked and talked about lunches and other social events, while their parasols shaded them from the odd patches of sunlight that threatened to taint their creamy complexions.

I didn't know how long I had been walking, but my steps haltered when my eyes fell upon a beautiful shop window that housed a sweet, little, pale purple dress with half length sleeves and a squared neckline. Both were rimmed with frothy white lace whilst the under skirt was full thick layers of white cotton.

I didn't waste much time in ogling the garment before rushing into the shop and making a rash but, in my eyes, necessary purchase.

When I left the shop I was no longer wearing my too tight blue dress instead I walked with confidence as the violet dress swayed around my ankles and swishing over my new black leather flats

My new found confidence urged me on with my mission and I concentrated to remember the way to the Masen's house.

I couldn't believe that after all this time I was finally going to see the kind and caring family that had given me a blissful few months of feeling like I belonged. They gave me the chance to experience the wonderful feeling of being part of a real family again.

But I had left them, without a reason or explanation.

I turned the corner into their street. I could clearly see their large black door from where I stood, but that didn't make me race towards the house. Instead I stood on the corner, frozen by the realisation that I had nothing to tell them. I didn't have a lie to answer the questions that I was sure they would ask. What would I say when they questioned where I had been, or what happened to me at the orphanage?

I perched on the edge of a garden wall as I formed a story in my head.

It only took a few short minutes to iron out the kinks that formed in my mind, and I sighed in relief as I heaved myself up from my place of contemplation.

I could do this, I just had to lie to the most honest people I knew.

I cringed at the guilt I felt for doing such a thing but I reassured myself that it was the best thing to do.

I kept up this mantra as my footsteps pounded on the pavement.

I reached their front steps and stashed my bag in a darkened corner so it would be out of sight, and wouldn't trigger any questions from the Masen's.

Finally, I took a deep breath and raised my hand to the large brass knocker.

I gasped when the door flew open before I could knock, and revealed a woman with startled brown eyes and pinned up red hair.

"Hello?" She looked me over with interest, and I smiled shyly as she tilted her head waiting for me to reply.

"Hello, I'm sorry to bother you. I came to visit some friends but it would seem they've moved. Sorry, again." I dipped my head in a polite curtsy and turned to descend the stone steps. The crushed feeling that soaked through me was oddly surprising. I knew I had wanted to see the Masen's again but I didn't realise just how much it meant to me. I had been so sure that I would get to see them. That coming here after seeing Carlisle had been a sign. Like it was a cycle that was meant to happen.

It seemed I was wrong.

My feet were heavy as I trudged down the wide stone steps.

"Sarelle?" I spun quickly to see Elizabeth looking down at me with a look of pure surprise until her expression melted into a bright smile.

"It's you isn't it?!" she exclaimed and the woman next to her looked between us in confusion.

"Oh sorry, Eleanor. I'll let you get on your way, and I'll see you soon," Elizabeth said and gave the woman a small hug goodbye before bustling forward to take my hand and lead me into her home.

It was so similar to how I remembered it and I smiled as I looked around the hallway, knowing that the first door coming off it was the lounge where Edward's baby grand piano sat, and the next door was the homely library, which was next to the extravagant dining room. The final door at the end of the hallway was the kitchen, where the part time cook prepared wonderful meals that made my mouth water just from their memory.

Elizabeth pulled me into a tight hug and I returned it with just as much feeling as she did.

"It's wonderful to see you again, Sarelle. Well, look how you've grown." She smiled and looked over my outfit.

"I can't tell you how happy I am to see you again, Elizabeth. It's been far too long." Elizabeth nodded in agreement and led me through into the lounge whilst she called out to the house.

"Edward, darling, come quickly. You'll never guess who's here to visit." She buzzed as I looked around the lounge.

It used to be blue, but now a soothing cream coated the walls and luxurious golden curtains hung against the windows. It was just a change in colour scheme, but it made a huge change to the room.

Elizabeth bustled out the room briefly and I could hear her asking the cook to prepare some tea and hot chocolate. I wished she didn't feel the need to entertain me. I wasn't really used to it and so it seemed unnecessary, but to Elizabeth it was what was done and so I embraced it.

I sat happily on the golden upholstered sofa as I gazed longingly at the piano.

It had been so long since I had played such a fine instrument, and I could almost feel my fingertips itch to run them along the ivory keys. Then again it was hard to really tell the difference between the urge to play and the tingle that still played on my skin, reminding me that this place wouldn't be permanent. It wasn't a place to stay, just a flying visit.

"Well, look who we have here." I spun to see Edward Snr grinning as he looked at me.

I got up to shake his hand and his smile widened at my outfit.

"You look like you're doing very well for yourself, Sarelle. It will certainly ease Elizabeth's worries." He sat himself back in his usual chair and I noticed a few little differences that showed that time had passed since I last saw them.

He had a few faint wrinkles around his slate coloured eyes and his side burns had a slight silvered appearance. All in all, though, he looked just the same as when I had first met him.

"Why on earth would you worry? You'd done more than enough for me," I said and Edward's eyes flashed with distant concern.

"Surely you couldn't think that we would stop caring for you, just because you no longer lived with us," He stated and in that moment Elizabeth came through with a silver tray, carrying a pot of tea and another of hot chocolate along with a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

"Yes, Sarelle, you gave us quite a scare disappearing from the orphanage like you did. What on earth happened? Was the mistress not very nice?" Elizabeth's voice was filled with worry and her pretty green eyes shone with regret. She seemed to think that they had failed me in some way, when it couldn't be further from the truth.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise I had caused you such distress. I did, in fact, arrive at the orphanage, but I was only there a few short hours before a letter arrived for me. Apparently the authorities had been trying to track me down, but due to my situation they hadn't found me. Anyway, it was a letter to say that my second cousin, Belinda Fieldings, had heard of my situation and offered to care for me," I recited my lie perfectly and hoped my use of a fake name would increase the believability of my story.

Elizabeth and Edward looked me over with suspicion and I felt my palms begin to sweat.

"The orphanage claimed they had never seen you," Edward said and I could see that he was watching me closely for any signs of a lie.

"Well, you know those places, there's so many children going in and out, it's impossible for them to keep track." I kept my voice level and smiled softly at my two interrogators.

"So where did you go with this cousin?" Elizabeth's face watched me carefully. They were obviously going to work as a team to rat me out.

I took a decisive sip of hot chocolate and settled the fine china cup and saucer in my lap.

"Well, it has certainly been an adventure. Belinda doesn't stay in one place for a large amount of time, which is why I've been unable to write. Anyway, straight after I received the letter I was taken to her hotel here and we left soon after. We travelled and spent some time in DeSoto, Texas. We're currently on our way to see some friends of hers in Tennessee, but I thought since we were here, I would stop by for a visit. I wasn't even sure if you'd be in but I had to take the chance." I looked up from my hot chocolate and saw the pair of them smiling at me, suspicion no longer clouding their eyes.

"Well, I'm so glad everything worked out for you and Edward will be pleased to see you. He was quite sad after you left. I think he missed having you around," Elizabeth said and I felt my face light up at the prospect of seeing Edward Junior again. It really had been too long.

"How is Edward? In fact, tell me everything that's happened since I last saw you all." I sat alert on the sofa as anticipation filled my body. I wanted to hear about their life, the things that were important to them and the changes that have happened.

"Well, Edward started school and seems to do well in it. I would even say he enjoys it, which is more than I could say for myself at his age." Edward Snr grinned, and Elizabeth and he shared a proud glance between them due to their bright son.

"Edward's law firm has also grown and now has an office in New York as well as here in Chicago." Elizabeth placed her hand on her husband's to show him the honour she felt to be his wife and share his accomplishments.

"That's great news, Edward. It sounds like your all doing well."

As soon as I finished my sentence the sound of the front door opening caught our attention and Elizabeth smiled brightly, before returning her tea cup to the tray and getting up from the sofa.

"..And he said that if I play well tomorrow I could have a chance at playing in the school music showcase. Isn't that great, Eleanor?" An excitable voice echoed from the hallway and I felt my excitement build at seeing the little boy that was so pleased about his chance to play to hundreds of people.

"Yes, Edward, dear. Now why don't you find your parents and tell them about your day?" A soft voice reasoned, and I thought of the woman with the red hair and gentle brown eyes.

"Mother! Father!" the young voice called out and Edward Snr chuckled whilst Elizabeth poked her head around the lounge doorway.

"Edward, sweetheart, come join us. We have a little surprise." I grinned at Edward Snr and stood from the sofa, turning to face the doorway as Elizabeth stepped back.

A little 9 year old boy stepped into the room and I couldn't stop the small giggle that escaped my lips. He was still the cute little boy that I had known, but now he was taller and his face had lost a little bit of the rounded baby face he used to have. He was dressed in a grey school uniform with shorts that showed off his boyish knobbly knees and a green and yellow striped tie that sat skewed around his neck, matching the messy state of his hair.

"Hello, I'm Sa..." I started but didn't get time to finish.

"Sarelle?" Edward said and I felt a swell of happiness that he had remembered me after all the years that had passed, especially since he had been so young when we first met.

"It's lovely to see you again, Edward." I said and his eyes shone whilst his face split into a shy but toothy grin.

"Sarelle just popped by to visit. She's staying with her cousin whilst they travel, they're going to Tennessee next," Elizabeth explained as they both sat down.

"Oh," was all that Edward said, and I thought I saw some disappointment briefly settle on his features.

"So, Edward, how was school?" his father asked and I settled back to revel in a normal family conversation.

* * * * *

A few hours passed and with them so did dinner. I'd had to pace myself to stop from devouring the roast chicken dinner too quickly.

It had been a lovely day and was followed by a nice and easy evening.

We all settled in the lounge while Edward played a classical melody on his piano.

I was pleased to see that he had kept up the hobby through the years. It was obvious that his talent was developing well because the piece he now played filled the room beautifully, and I felt myself get swept away in the music. I found my body gently swaying in time with the melody and a small smile crept onto my face.

Eventually, the song came to an end and Elizabeth applauded proudly before getting up and placing a firm kiss on his cheek.

"That was excellent, darling. You're my own little maestro," She cooed and I watched them smiling as Edward glanced up at me and blushed.

"Mother," He said in an embarrassed voice.

Elizabeth chuckled and gave him a light hug.

"Well I think I might retire to the library, anyone care to join me?"

"I will, my dear, I have some papers that I should really look over." With that Edward Snr and Elizabeth left the room, and I cast a glance over at Edward where he sat studying some sheet music by the piano.

I got up and made my way over to him, he soon looked up and scooted up the piano bench so we could both sit, just as we used to.

"So, are you enjoying school?" I asked and Edward nodded shyly. I ducked my head to catch his eye and smiled encouragingly.

"I like learning new things, and I got to join the baseball team because Mr Jones, my P.E teacher, said I'm a really fast runner. It's fun. Would you maybe come to see my game tomorrow? I'd like it if you came." Edward's emerald eyes looked at me with hope.

I smiled sadly and sighed, "I'd love to, Edward, but my cousin wants to leave tomorrow." I hated the little crushed expression that fell on Edward's face.

"I'm sure you'll have plenty of fun without me there, you'll have all your friends." I reassured him and he smiled a little.

"As long as Lucy Welton doesn't come. She's annoying, and she keeps following me around," Edward grumbled and I stopped my giggle as he frowned.

"Sounds like you have an admirer." I gave him a playful nudge and he blushed before cringing.

"You might act like that now but just you wait. One day you'll find a pretty girl and it will be _you_ wanting to follow _her_ around. Then you'll get married just like your father married your mother," I teased and Edward looked at me with a contemplative expression.

"Can I marry you when I'm older?" He asked and his eyes looked into mine with a look of certainty.

I grinned and gave his hair a ruffle, "Edward, there are far better girls than me."

"But none of them are an angel like you. I promise I'll be very good and buy you lots of flowers." He looked at me with his bright green eyes and I cracked a wide smile.

"Well then, how could I refuse?" Edward's face lit with a little crooked smile.

I turned to face the piano keys and nudged Edward.

"Come on, let's play a chopstick duet" He nodded happily, and we worked our way through the little song in perfect timing, each of our fingers moving in harmony across the keys.

"You learnt to play?" Edward said once we finished.

"You were so good and it looked like fun. I'm not half as talented as you but I know a few songs," I replied.

"Can I hear one?" Edward asked and his eyes danced with his joy. Music really did make him happy.

"Of course, this one's my favourite." My fingers began to flow on the ivory keys as I played out the song that had been a bit like a lifeline to me throughout the years and acted like an anchor to my childhood memories with my parents.

As the swirling notes came to an end and the remnants of the melody echoed through the room, I turned to see Elizabeth and Edward Snr smiling at the doorway.

"What's it called?" Edward asked and I could almost see the tune dancing through his mind.

"Clair de Lune, by Claude Debussy. It's one of my favourites." He nodded as if committing it to his memory.

As I looked at him I noticed the sky outside had darkened considerably and that meant I had to go. I had already said I had to be home with my cousin before it got too late. But of course that was just the lie. The main reason was that the tingle raged across my skin just itching to soak through me. I had run out of time with the Masen's and now it was time to say goodbye.

"Well, look at the time. It would seem I have to go," I said and Edward pouted a little.

I got up from the piano and made my way out to the hallway where Edward Snr and Elizabeth stood waiting to give me a goodbye. Edward Jnr trailed behind me as I walked out.

"It really has been lovely to see you all again, and I'll miss you," I said as I gave Elizabeth a tight hug as well as her husband. I turned to see Edward and smiled, I opened my arms and instead of shying away he rushed forward and wrapped his arms tightly around me.

I knew I would feel sad about leaving them again but this time I was so much more at peace with the jump, and getting a hug off Edward made it even better.

We may have had a slightly large age gap but he was still one of my best friends, because he had seen an angel in me when I needed to see some good in myself.

I sighed and released him, making my way out the door and down the steps.

"Don't leave it so long next time, Sarelle." Edward Snr called and I waved happily until they shut the door.

I heaved my bag up from its hiding place and swung it over my shoulders just as the rain began to fall.

The tingle fizzed where the rain hit my skin, and I danced happily through the raindrops as each one filled me with buzzing electricity.

I twirled down the street until eventually I faded from sight, into the night.

**A/N: thanks for reading! Any guesses where's next?**

**xx**


	18. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Ok, I know I posted chapter 17 but this is the REAL chapter 17. I could have had about three chapters of stuff that really wasn't that interesting if I followed the first route but I decided this was the best option for the story and it sped up the plot.**

**So here is the chapter that should have been posted and I'm sorry for being a bad writer and messing around with chapters.**

**Let me know what you think.**

_A peaceful calm pre-empts all great storms._

It's strange how saying goodbye can make you feel a sense of completeness. Like when you write the final few words to end a story and suddenly everything you felt as you wrote it just becomes distant. It's as if it's suddenly no longer a part of you. All you're left with is a feeling that can only be described as peace.

That was what I was feeling now.

Peace.

I had spent so long chasing my regrets with empty hope that now it felt strange to realise that I had nothing left to pine for. I didn't feel like unfinished business followed me around. Instead I had tied up my loose ends and I knew that all that was left was a fresh start.

Streetlight pierced the darkness around me and a slight chill chased the light breeze that ran through the streets. I could vaguely make out the regal buildings that line the street I had jumped into, and a sign post reading Rochester Bakery jutted out from a darkened shop window.

The tall stone buildings around me were a mix of shops, tea rooms and homes, each giving off an air of high society and high prices.

I knew I would have to find a place to stay for the night, because it wouldn't be wise to simply try and sleep on the streets. Plus I didn't want to risk ruining my new favourite violet dress by coating it with street grime, although I doubted there would be much dirt to be found on the intricately cobbled paths.

I took a deep breath as the last of the tingle wore off, the electric feeling leaked out through my fingertips back into the atmosphere and returning to whatever place it had come from.

I had never really though how I jumped or what is was in me that caused my body to become a walking, talking time machine, but I knew that it was something in me or something attached to my being. It wasn't just a freak of nature. Everything had an explanation and perhaps one day, when I was more settled, I would be able to search out the reason why I had become what I was.

However, now was not the time to contemplate my existence, now was a time to live it.

My leather flats padded along the cobbles as I skipped across the dips and small puddles that had formed. It had obviously rained yesterday and it had left a damp layer on the cobbles causing them to shimmer in the moonlight that would peep out when the clouds moved.

My body felt light and happy as I passed through the streets, heading towards the denser population in a hope of finding some place to stay.

I didn't get far before raucous voices filled the air and tickled my ears with their echoes.

Part of me thought to follow them, but there was something about the masculine tone and loud laughter that made me feel uneasy. I didn't feel comfortable getting any closer to them, but from the increasing strength of their noise I felt I would have no choice but to encounter them and hope that they didn't bother me.

Flashes of Ashton and that horrific night crept from the recesses of my mind, and I found my steps stuttering as I unconsciously tried to avoid the apparently drunken voices. However no matter where I turned they seemed to chase me through the streets. I knew logically that they weren't following me but logic didn't rule my mind now. Instead all that filled it were memories of kicking, screaming, blood, and pain. I could feel my heart racing at the memory of Ashton's hard eyes glinting at me, enjoying my weak attempts of fighting back.

Wherever I walked the voices still crept up on me, becoming clearer by the second. I had no idea where I was going in this town but I soon found myself within the more residential area. The streets were deathly quiet and the glowing windows showed the stark contrast between the warmth and safety within their homely stone walls, and the darkness I stood in with whispers running on the wind and promising me nothing good.

I hurried down a darkened street, heading back towards where I thought I had started.

There I could see them. The end of the street framed their show of drunken stumbling like a picture frame. The tall dark walls of the buildings on either side caused the pool of golden light, which came from the broken streetlamp they stood under, to seem even brighter than it actually was. This meant that my eyes were forced to see them.

They were dressed in the fine uniforms of aristocrats and rich boys. Their bodies clad in suits of the finest fabrics and their hands holding polished expensive canes, though the expensive sticks did nothing to steady their stumbling. They created a perfectly ugly picture of men lost to the dizzying effects of alcohol.

I turned to walk away but before my eyes left their rowdy group I saw an innocent girl walking into their lecherous trap, like a butterfly fluttering unknowingly into a spider's web.

I could see she was beautiful, even though I stood several metres away. Her golden hair was intricately woven onto the top of her head, and she held herself with the good posture that came from mixing in a high society. Her pastel dress and form fitting jacket were simple, but the garment fitted her nicely and the dress flowed prettily around her ankles as she strode carefully towards the group of men.

I crept forward reluctantly. I didn't want to get any closer to the men. In fact I wanted to run as far away from them as possible, but there was something in me that felt I had to be near the girl. I couldn't just leave her to walk into their arms. Drunken men couldn't be trusted; I had enough experience to know that.

"Rose!" A statuesque man called out to the girl and she edged closer to them, her lovely face showing a mix of confusion, anger and worry. She didn't want to be near them, just as I didn't, but she didn't have the ability to just walk away like me. They seemed to know her and that meant she was pulled towards them against her will. The butterfly had its wings trapped in the web.

"Here's my Rose!" The man shouted and his voice was thick and lazy with the alcohol running through his system.

The men around him laughed at his statement though i couldn't find one thing in his sentence that would be considered funny.

My body crept a little further towards them, whilst my mind screamed at me to run, backing up its logic with the haunting memories of Ashton's rough hands on my body. However, the memories didn't give me the urge to turn and run. They made me want to stay and make sure that this girl, Rose, didn't have to endure what I had.

No one should ever have to endure the crippling feeling of being helpless and unable to defend your own body. No one should be made to feel inferior and worthless just because they aren't strong enough to exact the punishment on those who had wronged them. When I thought back on the night Ashton had attacked me I felt nothing but rage that I hadn't been able to punch him like Jasper had.

I may have been able to injure him, but it was Jasper who had the strength to end it. I watched the men start to circle the girl while her 'friend' showed her off like a prize cow. I felt that although I hadn't had the ability or strength to stop my own attack I had the chance stop this one.

With my decision made my feet slowly began to walk towards them , building into a run as the man who held her ripped off her jacket, sending the brass buttons to scatter across the street.

The girls face was full of shock and distaste.

" Show him what you look like, Rose!" The man bellowed and a dark laugh left his mouth as he ripped the girls hat from her hair, causing her to cry out in pain.

The spider had the butterfly in its reach.

I felt my anger boil when the men laugh at her pain. Just as Aston had revelled in my fear, they enjoyed her pain. They relished the way her voice screamed at their power and control. They liked the way she made them feel strong and masculine, all because she wasn't strong enough to fight back and inflict the same amount of agony they did on her.

My blood was racing as I came within metres of the group.

The men surrounded Rose so that all that told of her presence were the sobs, screams, and scraps of material that were left ruined on the dirty floor.

The butterfly could put up no struggle against the spider's wrath.

The once pretty outfit was now tainted and made ugly by the vile behaviour of these monsters disguised as respectable men.

As I hurried towards them I spotted a pile of discarded bricks.

I didn't waste any time in picking up two of the heavy stone blocks and running the last few metres towards the group, my sack bouncing against my back.

"Stop! Get off her,!" I called out as I fired one of the bricks at one of the men. I watched in satisfaction as he fell to the ground instantly, a small gash appearing where the brick had struck him.

I had never been a violent person. I had never had the desire to harm someone, but right now I felt no shame in deliberately injuring this man. To me he wasn't a real person, none of them were. They didn't deserve the guilt my conscience would usually have felt at hurting someone.

I watched as the men turned slowly, gaping in their ridiculous drunken fashion before they're faces turned twisted with anger.

I knew what came next, the pain, the rage, the rough touches and predatory glares. I watched calmly as each one came to fruition. I knew how this went. I knew the devils dance that they would each perform as they revelled in their sins.

I saw one of the three men reach out for my arm and I turned to send him an icy glare.

"You dare to touch me and it will be the last thing you will ever do." He smiled in disbelief. This only hiked my anger further. His arrogant stance was just like Ashton's. He didn't think a young girl could hurt him, but I would prove him wrong and I would look down on his unconscious body with a smile on my face.

"How sweet that you believe you would even stand a chance. You've only got one brick left, sweetheart, and there's three of us," He sneered and his face rippled with shadows as he passed through the light towards me.

I could hear the laughter and sounds of the other two behind him. Bile rose in my throat as I heard the begging voice of the girl, and the sounds of clothes being torn and removed with force.

"Has no one ever told you not to judge a book by its cover?" I sneered and hurled the brick directly at his head. It clipped his temple and he stumbled under the force, but unlike his friend he didn't fall down. He didn't crumble like I had expected him to, instead he lunged and I found myself trapped in his grasp as he bent my arms back to lock behind my back.

The pain of his grip was excruciating and I felt like his hands were distorting my bones with the strength of their hold. I cried out but clenched my teeth shut against the scream that wanted to escape. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of hearing my pain. That was what they wanted, and I would never submit to their will just because they threaten me with the same fate as the barely conscious girl on the floor.

"That almost hurt and for that I think you should be punished," His breath was hot on my neck and I felt a repulsed shiver rolled down my back. His hands crept up my clothed body until they gripped my face, forcing it to turn in the direction of the girl's broken body.

For a brief second her panicked eyes locked with mine and I saw the pain, fear and desperation that pooled under their ocean blue surface.

She had been so beautiful, but now it was all hidden beneath her battered appearance. Her eyes were puffy with tears and her hair was wild around her dirtied face. She looked like an angel that had been pulled from heaven and forced to endure the dirt ridden hell of humanity.

I felt my eyes start to fill with tears and the salt within them stung at the small cuts that had formed where the man's fingernails dug into my skin.

"I'm sorry. I'll save you. I promise," I whispered and the girl's eyes flashed with hope. However, it soon vanished when the men who held her pulled on her hair, arching her body in a way that seemed almost unnatural.

"Royce, please. Don't do this. I won't tell anyone. Please just don't." She begged and pleaded but none of it penetrated the thick wall that surrounded that man she was addressing.

He didn't care what she said, or how she felt. All that matter to him was the feeling her near lifeless body gave him.

"Shut your mouth, Rose. You always did talk too much." He barked and struck a hard hand across her face, causing her head to ricochet off the pavement and leave her an unconscious limp figure on the floor. There was no struggle left in her limbs and her face showed nothing of her torture.

The men snickered and I struggled against the one that held me.

My foot stamped into the instep of his foot and my elbow fired back into his stomach while my other foot flicked up to hit him where it hurt. It was a trick I had learnt from Casey and I was glad she had taught me something of worth.

The man doubled over and I swung my sack to pound him on the side of his face, hitting him the same place as the brick had struck. My actions only angered him further and he sent a powerful slap across my face, leaving a burning sting in its wake. My head snapped to the side at the force of his hit. I a gasp ripped from me when I saw the remaining two men looking down on the girls limp body in a way that made my stomach churn.

I tried to run towards her, to do something, to put myself between them and her helpless form, but my captors arms grabbed at me again and this time I couldn't fight back.

The memories of Ashton flooded my brain making my limbs become flimsy and start to shake. The man's vice like grip held me to him and force my gaze to focus on the hideous act in front of me.

How could they do this?

How could they find any pleasure in performing such a wretched crime as taking a girl without her consent?

Did they not feel the sickness in the pit of their stomachs when they looked down and saw the monsters they had become?

I was caught in a limbo of two forms of hell, the present and the past. Even shutting my eyes didn't help. It only blocked out one scene of horror and allowed another to play vividly in my head.

I felt like I was reliving Ashton's attack second by second but if I opened my eyes they were tortured by sight in front of me.

I couldn't escape.

I could feel the tight grip on my arm from the present nightmare but it morphed into the lusting clutches of Ashton's rough hands.

I could hear what was happening, and being said by the men but that was all I could hear. Their voices echoed in my mind and resonated through my being, making me gag and convulse against my captors body.

It was all too much.

I couldn't breathe, and no matter how much I struggled I couldn't gain any relief from the terror that filled me.

I wanted so badly to escape but I didn't know how.

I had wanted to prove I was worthy and strong enough to win this time but I had never thought that I would be fighting against my past as well as my present. If I had only had one battle to win I could have managed but there was no way I could find the strength to win against this deadly combination of memory and reality.

I tried to shout and scream for help but they were just as weak as my spirit.

I wanted someone to drag me out of this horrendous nightmare but how could they truly save me when I was trapped deep in the grip of my tortured mind unable to move, paralysed with fear. It would be like trying to save someone from sinking sand. Each movement to help would disturb my already blurred mind, tipping me further into the nightmare and further away from sanity.

My eyes darted wildly around me every time they opened. Anything to avoid the bloodied mess the men were making of the girl. When I could take the sight no longer I clenched my eyes shut, only to smell Ashton, feel him, and hear him as he threatened to violate me, abuse me, debase me with his actions, and his words.

There was no rest bite between the terrors.

These men were no longer in the real world. They were lost in a fantasy that was as ugly as their black souls. They believed that their status gave them power above everyone else, and I could see they revelled in it as they exerted their dominance.

They were crazed and even though I shouted and screamed it was all met by their deaf ears. They were incapable of hearing, totally unaware of their surroundings.

How could this be happening again?

How could I have failed this poor girl?

All I had wanted to do was save her and now her body looked beyond repair.

I could feel the man behind me enjoying the scene before him. His body used mine for friction and I felt my skin crawl with the heavy feel of him against me.

Claustrophobia built in me and with it came something I clung to desperately. The tingle.

I had been so distracted with the relief the tingle had given me that I didn't realise that the men before me were done destroying the beautiful girl, Rose.

Their eyes showed they weren't done, far from it. They hungered for more. They wanted to take more and spread their darkness further.

"What a pretty little thing you are," one of them saidm and the man behind me shoved me down towards the ground. My body ached from the contact but not for long. The tingle soon covered the pain with a wonderful buzz across my skin.

My locket clattered against the stone floor, scratching the pristine surface slightly. I hated the idea that this event would now forever be etched into the silver surface of the locket I loved so much.

I glanced to the side and saw the Rose's limp body beside me.

The men had line me up next to her, the next lamb for the slaughter.

My tear blurred eyes solemnly looked over her ruined innocent figure until they settled upon her hand.

It almost looked like it reaching out, waiting for someone to hold it, like she was searching for a person kind enough to offer her some comfort. I had failed her too much already so I grasped her cold hand in my own.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I sobbed as I felt the first of the men creep over me.

The tingle pulsed around me and I breathed in the electrified air.

"That's right, don't fight it....Such a good little girl." He cooed and I felt the pressure that came before his touch.

As soon as his finger tips grazed my clothes torso his hand snapped back as the electric tingle around me pulsed its current though his skin.

"What devil's work is this?" He hissed and I sneered at him. He dared to accuse me of dealing with the devil after he had committed the worst sin possible, in my opinion.

I could feel my feet fading away, so I grabbed my bag before my hands followed the same fate.

"I'll remember this act, and believe me when I say that your days are numbered." It was an empty threat, because I had no way of promising revenge, but the satisfaction I got from seeing their sobering faces look on in horror was enough.

I didn't even feel the tingle race through me so I had no time to realise that I was jumping. The only clue I was given was the all consuming darkness followed by a foreign dim light.

In the instant I became wholly a part of this place I felt my being fall apart.

In the second I fell apart there were strong arms around me, keeping me together.

There had been no other point in my life so far that I had welcomed these arms around me so much.

No other moment when I felt that they were everything I needed to survive.

But then again there had been no other time when I truly needed a saviour.

Not until now.

**A/N: I know it wasn't all happy clappy but I hoped I got the emotion through in this. Leave me a review and tell me what you think, even if it's criticism. I want to make this story as good as possible.**


	19. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Hey thank you for everyone who reviewed the last chapter.**

**Also just to make sure no one get's confused with this chapter, I had changed chapter 17 so if you read the chapter with Anastasia in, go back and re read (yeah I just had to be awkward)**

**And Finally. I am going to be reposting previous chapters that had faults in them. The story won't change, it'll just mean spelling mistakes etc will hopefully be eliminated. I'm really sorry if this means you'll end up with a million chapter alerts.**

"Sarelle. I'm here, you're safe." His melodious voice soothed the screeching pain that stabbed at me. I couldn't escape the screams, the anger, the regret, the guilt, so each left a wound on my soul that seethed in the aftermath. They had hurt during 'the event', but now, in this silence, there was nothing to distract me from how they made me feel. I could experience every single one of them with excruciating clarity.

I could feel my body shaking against my saviour's stone cold figure, but it wasn't from the cool temperature. My mind was still filled with the horror of what had happened. I could still feel the creeping hands of the vile men on my skin.

My world spun in slow motion as I felt myself continue to fall to pieces. It almost felt as if the attack had frozen me to ice and now I was melting, freeing every emotion to race around my body like running water.

I was in shock but I couldn't find a way for me to rid my blood of the excess adrenaline, so I let myself slip into the darkness it beckoned me with.

Only the echoes of screams, and whispers of hate, followed me in to my self-imprisonment.

My abyss.

That was how it had to be. I had to draw the horror back down to the dark depth of my psyche, just as I had with Ashton's attack.

The difference with this task was that it seemed so much more impossible.

I had to battle through every second of the attack to find my way to that place in my mind where the nightmare couldn't hurt me, that special part of my brain where the memories just faded into the darkness.

For the first time in my life I welcomed the darkness.

I used to fear it.

I used to hate the way it crept over me and tortured my brain with ghoulish images. However, now I wanted the darkness, because the ghouls and monsters were less scary than the nightmare I had just endured.

So as I stood in Aslo's arms, I began the emotional battle of forgetting the unforgivable. I was going to hide the nightmare so that it would never to be thought of again.

* * * * *

It took hours for my shaking body to still and my fractured breathing to return to its normal pattern.

Throughout the long bleak hours Aslo never let me go.

He never winced at my scent or proximity, and he never forced me to leave the safety of his arms. He just let me be and waited in silence.

Eventually, I peeled my aching body away from him and found myself to be sitting in his lap.

He had moved us from our original position to instead sit in the plain metal chair that sat behind his bland wooden desk.

My eyes felt heavy and stiff. I had cried them dry, and I could imagine the red rims that would make my hazel eyes look puffy and raw.

As I shifted away from his body I felt the uncomfortable way my body ached. My blood moved sluggishly through my veins as I started to come back to life from my grief induced comatose state.

"Sarelle." Aslo's voice broke the silence. I jumped slightly at the noise, even though it was soft and gentle.

His light touch ran over the bruised points on my skin, and I winced against it. It wasn't that it caused me pain but more that I was reminded of the previous hands that had touched those places and been the cause of the deep bruises.

Aslo's cold hands soothed the violent blemishes on my skin as the icy temperature of his skin soaked through the fabric of my dress.

"What happened to you?" he whispered the words while his fingertips carefully examined my face. He traced the mottled surface of my tear strained face, frowning sadly at the injuries of fingernail shaped cuts and hand shaped bruises on my usually creamy skin. I whimpered against the thoughts his words and touches forced me to think.

I didn't want to remember or relive what had happened. It was locked tightly away and I would do nothing to release it again. No good could come from surrendering and allowing the memory to play through my mind, again and again.

How much more would I have to endure before this life let me settle and be happy?

How many more jumps would I have to live through before I could finally be still and completely a part of a place?

I wanted so badly to belong somewhere, even if it was here in this asylum with Aslo.

"Sarelle. Please tell me." His voice held his worry, so I placed my hand on his in reassurance. He was a good friend and I needed a good friend, but I also needed him to understand that I couldn't tell him. I just couldn't, not yet, maybe not ever.

"I can't, Aslo. Please don't make me. I couldn't bear it." My voice was broken and scratchy with the hours of sobbing. My chest heaved and ached with the burning sensation that my words had sparked in my lungs. I hadn't spoken in hours except for heart wrenching whimpers.

I steadily lifted myself from Aslo's lap and stood on unsteady legs in the middle of the grey room.

There was only one dim lamp that lit the room and I looked at Aslo for the first time.

He was no different than he had been the last time I saw him. His hair was still a rich mahogany with a deep cherry red adding to its depth. It still rolled in thick curls that coiled slightly around his ears and reached down to skim his eyes. His skin was still flawlessly pale, defining his handsome features. The lamp caused shadows to shade his face, showing the perfection of his bone structure. He was still so youthful and brilliantly beautiful, but behind those dark red eyes was none of the peaceful emotion I was used to seeing.

His eyes burned as they looked over my grief stricken frame. They assessed my body and spirit, showing anger and sadness when they found me to be broken.

I wasn't the girl who had left him, not now, but I would be again. I would not stay in this solemn state. I refused to. The fiery flecks in my eyes burned just as brightly as they did before. I knew that it would be this fire that would cause the horror to burn away, and I intended on starting that process today.

I wouldn't wallow in self pity like I knew I was supposed to.

I had forgotten Ashton and continued life as normal. This time would be no different.

As soon as the decision was made in my mind, I straightened my posture with a new found strength and looked Aslo straight in the eye.

"Aslo. It's been too long." He nodded at my words but watched for the cracks behind my armour. He would find none. With every second I could feel my soul toughening and building strength as it tightened the lock on the monsters hiding in my mind.

"Sarelle, you can't pretend. Don't try to. It will only hurt you in the end." His face was soft as he spoke to me, but I felt my body flash with anger.

He didn't know how it felt, so he couldn't judge me.

How could he know what was best for me, when he was incapable of ever truly feeling what I felt?

He wasn't human, so how dare he even try to comprehend my human emotions. He had no idea what was the best way for me to deal with what I felt.

I focussed my glare on him and prepared to force my anger onto him, but then I saw the worry in his eyes and it softened me.

How could I think badly of this man? For he was a man, no matter what his form, he still had a sense of feeling and empathy.

I sighed and my anger left me as soon as it had flooded my body. I knew that this was just a remnant of the attack. I was just experiencing the erratic emotions and raging anger that I was surely meant to experience. Part of me was pleased that I was following convention, but the other side resented the fact that I was allowing the attack to make me act like a victim. I never wanted to be a victim; I was stronger than that...I had to be.

Aslo needed to know that.

"This is no pretence, Aslo. But if it were, I would need you to accept it and allow me this moment of ignorance. It's what I want." I wandered around his office and found some kind of strange peace at its bland decoration. The grey tones of the room were like my healing numb soul. They held nothing of interest, but it could be made better with a little bit of colour. In this moment I wasn't the best that I could be, and I wasn't full of life like I once had been, but all it would take was some living to add brightness back into my soul.

I just had to live and I could rebuild myself back up.

I could wipe over the memories of my last jump like an artist emulsions over a mistake. The memory of the mistake was still there, but it couldn't be seen. All that was visible was the new pretty picture, the better version. To outsiders they would only see the pretty picture. They would never know that below the layers of paint there was anything other than a blank canvas.

The artist would always know that the mistake was below the surface but they could look at the canvas and be happy with what they saw. The mistake would become just a distant memory.

I could be the artist and the mistake could be the horrific night I had experience just a few short hours ago.

My life could become the picture and I could hide all my haunting mistakes under layers of living.

Each day from this moment onwards would be like another layer of paint, covering the nightmare.

I smiled slightly at the relief of knowing I could be healed again.

I turned back to Aslo and looked to see the daylight casting in through the window. I didn't want to think about the past anymore.

"Why are you still here? The sun is rising. You shouldn't be here." I felt a small amount of panic rise in my voice. Aslo took a brief moment to smile before he flashed to my side at his natural speed.

He had never used it so freely around me but I wasn't shocked. I had seen how Carlisle and the others had moved in the forest. I knew that, for Aslo, this was natural. I could never begrudge him his true nature.

"I'm able to stay here during the day as long as I stay away from pure sunlight. I can go out in it, but it reveals me for what I am." He gently led me towards the sunlight and I felt my heart pound as he slowly reached forward to place his hand in the shaft of sunlight.

As soon as the light hit his hand it glittered like a million diamonds. Miniscule facets in his skin sent rainbows to fly around the room, and I felt my eyes become dazzled by the beauty of the scene.

"Exquisite," I whispered, and Aslo sighed as he returned to the dim shadows of his office.

"Mary thought so too."

"She knows about you?" I asked and Aslo nodded as he watched me.

"How could I lie to her?" As he spoke he looked towards his office door with a wistful look on his face.

"How is she? How long has it been since I left?"

"It's been five years, and I fear your absence has affected her more than I thought. Mrs Mills continued to drug and isolate her, keeping her from the others. She then took to shocking my poor Mary. She did not live long after I heard what she had done." Aslo's voice was filled with menace, and I tried to stop the images of violence from filling my mind. I had always known Aslo could be deadly. It was what he was designed for, to kill.

There was part of me that liked the fact that Mrs Mills had met her end. She hadn't deserved to live in my opinion, not after the monstrous acts she had inflicted on the patients here. However, I still couldn't look upon her murder as a good thing because it meant that a life had been taken, and no matter how evil, it was still a life.

I swept aside my feelings towards her death, and focussed on Mary and Aslo. They were all that mattered in this place.

"Can I see her?" The thought of seeing Mary was enough to lift my spirits. She had been such a kind friend whilst I was here. I wanted her to know that I hadn't forgotten her, even if we had been parted for so long.

"In a while. She will still be sleeping. Something I suggest you do. I hope this doesn't offend you but you look awful, Sarelle." I knew he wasn't just referring to my exhaustion and heavy lids, but I didn't want to look down at the dirt that would coat my once favourite dress.

"No offense taken, but I can't sleep, not now. Could we perhaps just talk until she wakes up?"

Aslo offered me his chair and I eased myself down while he perched himself on his desk.

I felt a smile hitch the side of my lips at the sight of him sitting cross legged amongst the pencils and paper. He had always seemed so proper and professional, but now he showed none of that pretence. He didn't have an act to keep up around me; we knew each other's secrets. Then again there was so much I still didn't know about Aslo and this time seemed the perfect chance to learn.

"May I ask you something, about an image in your book?" I thought of the way he had sparkled and the sketch he had drawn of the angelic man amongst a stone courtyard. It had been Bella's favourite, so I had looked upon it several times. I had never truly understood the sadness behind the beauty of it. It felt as if there was a story attached, and I thought that now was just as good as any time to discover the tale.

I recovered the book from my bag and thumbed through the pages 'til I found the sketch I wanted.

Aslo took the book in his hands, and a sad smile coated his lips as his fingertips trailed over the pencil strokes. It was as if he was remembering everything that he had felt as he drew it, every emotion that had passed through him with each pencil indentation.

"Who is he?" I asked, and Aslo snapped up to look at me as if he had forgotten I was still present, too lost in his memories to remember he no longer existed in that past.

"His name was Derren. I guess you could call him my travelling companion, my best friend."

"I don't understand? What happened to him?" I crept forward on my chair as my interest increased. This was just the story I needed to distract me. It would help me forget the unforgivable.

"He is a very big part of my past. We were close since my rebirth. He was my sire and a great man. We built a strong bond. He taught me everything about this world, explaining that which I didn't understand. This sketch is the memory of his end, his suicide. I was there with him through it all; from the moment _they_ came until the last whisper of smoke left his ashes." Aslo's voice held more sadness and sorrow than I had ever thought it possible to feel in one lifetime. Then again, he'd had many lifetimes for his sorrow to build. From what I could see in his eyes, it had grown to a level that which was completely inhuman. It was a strength of emotion that would cripple any mere mortal.

"Why would he choose to end his life?" I whispered because my voice was full with disbelief. I couldn't imagine why this man, Derren, would leave his friend and hurt him in this way.

"The tale that led to this final moment was one that many would call a tragic love story." Aslo looked off to the distance, and I settled down to hear the story that would give me the understanding I craved.

"It all started in the early 1600's when we were enjoying the scenery surrounding Eastern Europe. We were within a forest near a small village, waiting for the sun to dip behind the clouds and allow us to hunt. We always went together.

It was during this hunt that Derren encountered a girl. I won't say in what state he found her for it wasn't pleasant. He was about to attack but something stopped him. He couldn't do it. He didn't know why but there was just something about her fragile and innocent appearance that ridded him of the urge to attack.

After that first meeting he took to watching the girl from a distance, each night sneaking a little closer to where she slept.

I couldn't understand it but I accepted his fascination because it had changed him. He was no longer as sullen, and he would smile more when he was near her presence.

Eventually, they became involved, and we settled in her home town for a short period of time. It was a hard existence to lead, going from complete freedom to being hemmed in by a need to act human. The people of that time were very aware of what we were. Still, I couldn't resent him because he was in love. To him the very thought of leaving her side was painful and impossible to bear. However, he knew that her life would end eventually. She was, after all, mortal. I had suggested him changing her as he had me, but he said she didn't want this life, so they continued to love each other for the precious time they had together.

However, these kinds of delights always meet a violent end, and this was to be no different.

You see, Sarelle, there is only one law that is placed upon our kind. This being that we must keep our existence a secret. For many it is easy to obey, but Derren was too far in love for him to pay any regard to the rule. It wasn't until _they_ came to right the situation that he was forced to see the consequences of his actions."

Aslo's eyes grew dark at the mention of '_they'_. I had never seen him look so murderous and I felt my body react to the fear his appearance was meant to create.

"Who are 'they'?" I asked quietly and his darkened eyes flashed to mine.

"The Volturi," He hissed, and I cringed at the malice. Aslo's face lost some of its anger as he registered my fear, but when he spoke his voice was just as cold.

"They are my kind's royalty, or at least that is what they force us to believe. They carry out the duty of governing our kind and ensuring that our one rule is obeyed. They are made up of three ancient leaders, Aro, Marcus and Caius. Alone they are just power hungry but it is their vast guard that makes them truly powerful. They have collected gifted vampires and other drones to follow them and exact their power. They are all loyal to the leaders but it's not a selfless loyalty. They only join them in the hope of creating a place for themselves above the law. They think that if they are part of such a feared coven then they will be immune to danger, but they are fools if they think that the leaders truly care for them. They have no ability to feel for anyone."

"What did they do?"

"They held a customary trial for Derren and his mortal sweetheart in their home of Volterra, but it was just for show. They had no intention of allowing Derren to walk away unpunished, whether it was by losing his own life or hers.

It angered me, the way Aro paraded around as if the hall was his circus and he was the ring master. He was full of theatrics, empty sympathy and fake consideration. I knew none of it was real.

When he passed judgement Derren was crippled instantly. The man I had known for over two hundred years was nowhere to be found in the destroyed man on that stone floor.

They didn't even wait to listen to his pleas as they dragged her screaming body from him.

His fight was hopeless and he had to watch his love be torn from him as he was held in the grasp of the guard. I guess you could call it some kind of consolation that they didn't execute her in front of him.

After that day he was never the same. His spirit was gone and the light that had glimmered in his eyes was extinguished. Every day he grieved at the make shift grave he had created in the forest near where he first fell for the girl, but his mourning did nothing to ease his pain. He refused to leave it. He didn't even hunt, so I watched as he grew weaker and more volatile with each passing day. He begged me so many times to end his life but I couldn't. I was too selfish." Aslo's voice was a whisper. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as I thought of the misery this memory caused him.

"His torture didn't last long. One day at dusk he ran without a word. I chased him all the way to Italy and into _their_ precious city. I watched as he stripped his torso and strode with determination to the centre of the empty courtyard. It was still early morning so the human residents were only just starting to awaken. Somehow he ignored their scents; it was as if he was numb to everything surrounding him.

Nothing I said registered, so all I could do was sit in the shadows as the sun crept over him and his skin burst into sparkles. In that moment his arms stretched out and he showed nothing but peace. All he said as he looked up to the heavens was the name of his love, Renata.

The Volturi didn't take long to remove him from human sight and execute him. I watched as they sent his body up in flames. I never left him and when the last of the yellow smoke withered away I collected the ashes and buried them next to the grave of his darling Renata. It was the only true peace I could give him and myself." Aslo's face dropped into his hands and I rushed to wrap my arms around him. I wished I had never asked him to talk about such a traumatic moment in his life. When he had asked me what happened I had refused and he accepted that. Why didn't I just read the sadness in his eyes and tell him not to tell me if it hurt him?

Why did I put him through this?

"I'm sorry, Aslo. If I had known it would hurt you like this I would never have asked."

"Sarelle, it has been three hundred years since it happened, I have done my grieving. Don't feel remorse for your curiosity. If I hadn't wanted to tell you, I wouldn't have. In a way I had to tell you, because perhaps it will explain my decision."

"What decision?" I asked.

"I'm going to change Mary and it will be done soon." As soon as Aslo spoke I was mixed with emotion. I didn't know what I thought about him changing Mary into what he was. I had no real dislike for what he was, not anymore, but I knew that not all vampires were like Aslo. I didn't like the idea that Mary could become like the wild breed that had attacked Carlisle.

"Does she know? Does she have a choice?"

"No. I can't risk giving her the option. I can't live without her, Sarelle, and I can't lose her the way Derren lost Renata. But please know that my reasons are not quite as selfish as they seem. There is another vampire that has visited the asylum several times, perhaps due to my scent that surrounds it. He has taken a shine to Mary and his intentions do not seem based on emotion. He's being ruled by his thirst. He wants her and I can't bear the thought of him taking her from me." Aslo looked at me with eyes that showed the pain at his decision. He didn't want to change Mary, but I knew that his heart wouldn't let her stay human. When I understood his reasoning I felt myself soften to his decision. If it was possible for him and Mary to have an eternity together, then I was sure his decision to change her was for the best. He was right in the declaring it selfish, because it was, but I couldn't help but think that all people are selfish in love. They will do anything to keep their soul mate with them because without them they aren't quite whole.

"When will you do it?"

"Once she is 18. She will no longer be in the charge of her parents, and I will be able to leave this place with her. It will give me a few months to prepare myself. I am already used to her scent and more practised in denying my thirst but I can't risk killing her. I could not bear to do that to her." His voice was defiant and I smiled at his determination. Of course he wouldn't do anything that put Mary in the path of danger because it would mean risking his newly discovered heart.

"Perhaps now would be a good time to go see her, before Dr Salston starts her rounds." Aslo retrieved the lamp on his desk and walked with me to the door. When he opened it, it revealed the same sight of blank grey walls and endless concrete. The asylum hadn't changed at all except for the new mistress. It was quite bizarre to be walking through this unaltered place with a man that was just as unchanged. It gave the impression that I had never really left, as if time had held still in this little part of the world.

"She'll be pleased to see you. She's been talking of great change coming recently. I have a feeling you may be the reason." Aslo smiled, and I felt the anticipation in me grow as he unlocked the large steel door.

We entered the darkness and as always I saw nothing but the pitch black.

"Mary." His words whispered into the dark, and I heard the faint noise of movement. Aslo passed into the darkness creating a glow around him. The light illuminated a petite figure that was unfolding itself from its sleeping place and rubbing its eyes.

"Mary?" I whispered and watched as her brown eyes snapped open. In a rush of stumbling movements she launched herself at me. She had barely changed, her height was still a few inches shorter than me and her hair was still a fluffy short cut, spiky in various directions due to sleep.

"Sarelle!" She squealed as she wrapped her small arms around me and hugged me with a strength that seemed odd coming from such a small person.

"You came back." She grinned, and we had a short moment of just taking each other. I saw worry coat her pixie like features before she caught my eyes and cleared her expression. She knew I wouldn't want her pity.

"You took your time. I've been waiting far too long. You know I don't have the patience to wait." She pouted and I giggled, it didn't even feel forced. Mary had just painted another layer of over my nightmarish memory and she didn't even have to comfort me to do it. She was just the incarnation of happiness so it was impossible not to smile around her.

"I'm terribly sorry but time is hard to reason with," I said, while Aslo placed the lamp on the floor and left us in the room after passing a smile over our excited faces.

He knew we needed this time to catch up and he was giving us the privacy of doing it alone.

"So, it's been five years," I said, and Mary nodded disapprovingly.

"Where have you been?" Mary asked as she settled herself on the floor.

I followed her lead and tried not to wince at the pain that ached in my limbs.

"Many places and through many times, it's all been a bit of a blur if I'm honest. I hear nothing much has changed here, except for the death of that harpy." I smiled at her to clear the concern that still showed in her eyes.

"Yes still the same unending darkness. It's such a bore but my Aslo makes it better." She smiled happily and traced little circles on the floor as she thought of Aslo, that wonderful nervousness of love passing over her.

"Do you know what he plans to do?" I watched closely for any sign of recognition and there was a brief moment when something flashed in her eyes.

"I know what he is, Sarelle, and I know how he feels for me. Anything beyond that understanding I am not clear, but I feel that I may have an idea what is coming." She shivered slightly and it was my turn to worry.

"What have you seen, Mary?" I touched her arm and she looked up at me with fear in her deep brown eyes.

"Fire. Everywhere there's fire. I'm burning but there is no way to end it." Her voice shook and I grasped her in a hug. She was so brave to know what was coming and yet still stay by Aslo's side. She knew that she would suffer, but she would suffer for him.

"Everything will be fine, Mary, I promise you that," I urged her to trust me and she nodded slowly while taking a deep breath.

"Oh, Sarelle, the things we do for those we care for." He voice was wistful and I giggled at her philosophical self, it was such a rare occurrence for Mary.

A few short hours passed, and I switched between hiding from Dr Salston in Aslo's office and staying with Mary in her room. I took pictures of each of them, sneaking a few shots of when Aslo was too lost in Mary's presence to realise I had captured him on film. Mary giggled and smiled as she danced around her room, posing for pictures and stealing my camera to take a few of me as I watched her happily. She didn't ask me where I got it; she just understood that I wouldn't be able to quite explain. It was a wonderful sense of harmless distraction being with them again but as always the tingle claimed me.

"It's here," I sighed, and Aslo nodded his understanding before leaving me to give Mary a hug and the reassurance that we would see each other again, sometime.

When Aslo returned he carried an official looking package of paper.

"I understand this will not always be of use to you, but when you left I took the initiative and made some preparations for you in case you should ever return. Think of it as an early birthday present. I believe you will be fourteen in a matter of days." He offered the package towards me. I opened the large manila envelope carefully as I questioned Aslo with my eyes.

As I removed the paper it revealed the official documents giving me an identity and access to a bank account under the name of Sarelle St Clair.

"Aslo. Thank you, I would never have thought of such a thing." I gasped, and reached to give him a hug of thanks. It was still a nice that I could touch him and show him my thanks without him flinching.

"I realise that the bank account information will be of little use in any time before this date but afterwards I have made preparations for money to be deposited each month. I have acquired a rather large sum over my years, so please do not feel guilty for accepting that which I give you freely." I grasped the sheets of legal paper in my hands and smiled over my new identity.

I basked in the feeling my new surname gave me. My name was complete and although it may not have been my original family name I didn't mind. I had my memories of my family, and as Shakespeare had once said in Romeo and Juliet.

'What's in a name? That which we call a rose  
By any other name would smell as sweet.'

What did it matter that I couldn't remember my original surname, it was just a name. It didn't change who I was or my connection to my parents, their blood ran in my blood and there was nothing else that mattered.

"This means a lot to me, Aslo, but I will never be able to fully repay you for all the kindness you have shown me."

"In my eyes, Sarelle, there is no debt to be repaid. You were my only real companion here before Mary arrived and this is my way of thanking you for being the reason that I was able to truly lay my loneliness to rest." Aslo's eyes were soft, and Mary moved her body from just holding his hand to allowing his arm to wind around her tiny waist.

I spent my last few minutes bidding Aslo and Mary goodbye as he stood with her in his arms. I knew it was possible that the next time I saw Mary she would be a vampire and her appearance wouldn't be soft and human, but instead sculpted and supernatural.

I just hoped that when I next saw her she was still Mary, and I could still find some resemblance between her new self and the girl I had capture in photographs.

As I faded away I waved goodbye for the first time. It felt nice to end this visit in the way you would end any other. It made me feel almost normal.

So when I opened my eyes to a winding path in a forest I smiled at the new adventure waiting for me at the end of the winding dirt route through the jade woodland.

I had successfully covered my nightmare with new memories, and now I looked forward to painting a new picture, one that was happy and vibrant. The masterpiece I wanted and deserved.

**A/N: Thanks for reading! :D x**


	20. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

The months of living in this place blurred easily, and I welcomed the peace and quiet that I had been denied the past few jumps. They offered me some time to recuperate and relax.

The memories of my arrival here were already starting to become foggy, even my fourteenth birthday was just a day and seemed to be quickly followed by my fifteenth which had happened recently. However, I could still remember the relief I felt when I found what I now consider to be my home. Mine and no one else's.

I had found it on my first walk through the forest and fell instantly for the rustic homely feel it gave me. It was just a small single story cottage which had clearly been abandoned. I hadn't understood why at first, but I soon learnt that, with the year being 1957, many homes had been abandoned due to families being lost to the war.

I had learnt a lot through my daily walks through this small town of Belmore near Olympia, Washington. The population was large enough for me to be unnoticed but small enough for it to still hold a feeling of community. It was my ideal, and I found that I thrived here. I hadn't made any real friends as I had in all the other places, but then again I had always had a need to interact with others. Here I didn't have to. I didn't have to rent a room or beg for a room to stay in. Here I had what I considered to be a home, although it certainly didn't have any of the home style luxuries many people probably had around here. When I spent my first night there I had been ecstatic that it had firm stone walls, a roof, solid wooden flooring and a working bathroom. However, as the weeks began to pass, and I started to venture further into the town down the winding dirt path, I found myself gazing upon the beautifully carved pieces of furniture and homely basics that I was sure other homes boasted.

It was due to this window shopping that I took my first step into the town's bank and handed over my accounts details.

The memory of the banker's face still caused me amusement. I can recall with perfect clarity his amazement as he registered the value that my account had reached. His expression was enough to make a nervous smile crack across my face as I stood anxiously on the other side of the glass partition. My nerves and shaky smile were soon wiped away as he uttered the numbers to me and asked in a wavering voice 'how much will you be withdrawing today, Miss St Clair?'

It had taken me a few moments to reply for I was still in shock from the revelation that I had access to the sum of $235575, approximately. My mind had reeled at the idea that such riches had been bestowed upon me, but I knew Aslo had told me to accept what he gave me and not to question it. I suppose I had just underestimated how much wealth he had acquired during his five centuries of living.

That day, after visiting the bank, I furnished my home with all the comforts I had wished for and even had a local carpenter agree to build and install my own kitchen. It was all designed to run without electricity as I saw little need for such thing when I was used to living without it.

It had only taken a couple of months for me to establish a home for myself, and even if it could end up only being temporary, I was determined that in the time that I was there I would live as if I was meant to stay. Some may see the furnishing of the cottage to be a waste of money, since it was never definite that I would last out the rest of my days here. However, everything about the cottage felt right. It held no real resemblance to my original family home but it was the home of the girl Sarelle St Clair, the new me.

It was my safe haven and fortress. Its warmly toned stone walls, fine oak floors and furniture made me feel comfortable and secure. I humoured myself that perhaps their feel of security was due to their resemblance of Carlisle's home combined with a few of the homely details that the Masen's home possessed. For the first time I had taken the opportunity to remove my garments from my sack and place them in the oak dresser I had bought. It was a small change but it made a huge change to the way I felt, it was as if having my belongings stored in this place created something like an anchor and I felt like now I stood a chance of staying in this place.

So, now as I stood looking out the slightly distorted window and gazed over the springtime forest outside, I smiled at the fact that I was standing in a home that was mine while I took in the scene of sprouting flowers and fresh new leaves.

I had a daily routine of rising early, getting dressed and then venturing out to town along the pleasant path that ran through the forest. It wasn't a long walk but it was enough for me to clear away any morning blurriness.

It had been tempting to lounge and luxuriate in the cotton mass of my new bed, but I hated the idea of wasted my time in bed when it was so precious to me.

I would still get moments when my father's favourite quote would drift through my head and spur me on out of bed.

This morning I had followed my routine like always. It was still early enough for the birds to be singing at the rising sun as I shut the heavy door behind me, and I breathed in the fresh morning air of this day in November. I didn't know the exact date but I guessed it was roughly the 9th. Early November meant that it was still cold out, so I was wearing my relatively new red coat and warm navy blue and white dress.

Along with a new home and new furniture I had bought new clothes. I hadn't bought many but enough to ensure I would last through the seasons. My old clothes still hung in the wardrobe, but I never wore them. They didn't fit my maturing body, so they held no use to me. I could have thrown them away but they now held memories, and although some, such as the violet dress, held memories I didn't want to remember I still kept them because they told showed the progression my life had taken.

My footsteps walked the well wore path, and I grinned at the faint sound of the town drifting to reach my ears. It was always full of hustle and bustle, and I loved the atmosphere. It was nice to weave through the town and hear real happiness. Housewives would chatter as they shopped and men would laugh together as they worked. The whole town of Belmore was thriving due to the post war boom.

As usual I felt a small smile on my lips as I wove through the streets. It was early and so I watched as school children walked past in their uniforms. I was the same age as some of them, and yet I lived a very different life. I would have liked to have attended the local school and even though my fake identity would have made it possible, my lifestyle didn't. I wasn't truly a child. I had responsibilities. When I really thought about it I was a housewife in a child's body. I cooked, cleaned, bought groceries, managed my funds and passed my time browsing through town. The only difference was that when I was done doing all my chores I couldn't resist the urge to visit the library and indulge my thirst for knowledge.

If I couldn't attend school then I made a promise to myself that I would increase my knowledge through reading. I still longed to find a piano to play, but until that day came I was quite happy to browse through the large wooden shelves and thousands of books.

I passed a couple of hours doing my usual routine chores as the sun gradually chased the horizon, tracking its way across the sky.

I sighed as I entered the bakery. The bell rang out as I walked into the shop, and I was hit by the mouth watering smell of baked bread and cakes that drifted through the air.

The baker's wife, Clara, was a rounded woman but in a womanly way rather than it appearing unhealthy. I watched as she wiped her hands on her apron and then lowered several pale, doughy rings into the vat of oil. In mere seconds the doughnuts ballooned to twice their size, browned and glistening with hot oil. She lifted them out and tossed them into the bowl of powdered sugar causing a small puff of sweet dust to rise into the air. I breathed it in deeply and smiled when the sweet scent rested on my tongue.

Clara's daughter, Annabelle, giggled beside me and I blushed at my behaviour. I hadn't eaten anything that smelt that nice in a week, and I could feel my stomach sending craving pangs through my body. They caused my hand to dip into my small satchel and thumb through the coins that jingled in there.

Annabelle watched her mother avidly as she dusted some Danish pastries. I watched, and joined, Annabelle as her gaze cascading lustfully over the trays of glistening sticky buns, chocolate-studded cookies, and sugar rolled treats. They called to our watering mouths. I grinned when I heard the little girl's stomach grumble slightly in anticipation.

"Here you go, sweetie, a little treat from mummy," Clara said as she handed her daughter a sticky bun.

"Good afternoon, Clara" I said politely, and she turned towards me as she wiped her sticky hands on her apron. "May I have one of those.... glazed pastries? Just a small one."

Clara grinned and gathered a pastry into a paper bag before handing it over the counter.

"Are you ok for bread and eggs? I've just baked some." Clara asked as Annabelle sucked white icing off her fingers. She was a sweet child, and although she was four years old she never seemed to cause her mother any problems in the shop.

"No thank you, Clara. I'm just browsing today. It's nice to soak up the town now and then." Clara's mid blue eyes smiled at me from her jolly rosy face.

"You've certainly picked a good day to come walking. Mrs Tattle was in earlier and she was full of gossip. Apparently the local hospital has a new doctor, and he and his family have moved into that old Jackson house. You know the one beside Black Lake."

"I'm sure they'll be very happy there, the view at the lake is very pretty. Anyway, I should probably hurry. I promised that I would return these to the library before noon." I held up my satchel to show the bulging sight of the books within.

"Have a nice day, Sarelle." Clara waved goodbye before she tapped away Annabelle's hand as it crept towards the cookies.

I left the shop with a sugary smile on my face as I indulged in my sweet treat. It was nice to know that I could allow myself these little indulgences. I had money, a home and a relatively easy life. There was no reason to deny myself.

I didn't dawdle through the streets as I made my way to the library. The clock tower in the town showed it was nearing noon and I didn't want to be late.

I opened the large wooden doors into the library, bringing with me a rustling breeze that made my hair blow around my face and people who sat reading to look up momentarily.

The library was always peacefully quiet, and I loved the slightly dusty smell that hovered in the air.

I made my way to the counter and thumped the heavy stack of novels on the polished counter.

"Afternoon, Sarelle. You finished already?" The librarian, Steven smiled at me over his half moon glasses. He wasn't very old but he still used a walking cane to get about. He had been injured in the war and it left him with a slight limp.

"I couldn't put them down," I said with a wide grin on my face. Steven, just like Clara, wasn't a friend as such but I had visited the library so many times that we had built up an acquaintance.

"So what do you think you fancy today?" He said as he finished returning my books and came round the counter. He always liked to help people find what they were looking for, it was just a characteristic o his kind nature.

"Maybe something to do with music." I walked happily beside Steven as he led me through the tall dark wooden shelves. His honey coloured eyes twinkled as he looked over the thousands of coloured book spines. I could never imagine him in a war for it was obvious he found his pleasure in creativity, knowledge and imagination rather than guns and bloody battle.

"Well, if music is what you want, take the second aisle on your left. The whole two shelves are dedicated to everything music based." Steven grinned and left me to my search as he hobbled back to his station at the counter.

I chuckled as he told off a couple of gossiping women for disrupting the silence.

As I meandered down the aisles, trailing my fingertips over the books. I relaxed at the comforting smell of well worn paper pages and aging covers. Volumes crammed the shelves, all sizes and colours. The oldest ones sat on the highest shelf, out of reach of the children's sticky hands. Scripted gold lettering, faint as breath, could still be seen along the spines. The only sound to pierce the silence was one of the library assistants reading to the toddlers in the children's room. Her voice carried as she read aloud from a brightly-illustrated book, holding it aloft for the children to see. No one saw; instead, toddlers flipped over on the colourful carpet, sucked thumbs, and stuck their rear-ends in the air. However the narrator continued in a voice that hid a smile.

I reached the end of the second aisle and smiled as I found the section I was looking for. I bent to reach for 'The History of the Musical Greats' but as I straightened my posture I jumped to find I was no longer alone in the aisle. A boyish looking man stood at the far end of the aisle where the shelves became darker due to their proximity away from the large windows.

I glanced covertly to the side so that I could see more than just his well shined shoes.

My gazed passed over his straight posture as he nimbly searched for the book of his choice. As my eyes registered his appearance I decided he was more of a boy than a man, even though his air of confidence suggested otherwise. He was dressed nicely in a simple coal coloured suit with an ivory shirt beneath and leather loafers. It was the classic respectable look that many adolescent boys wore around this place. However, even though he was dressed in fashion there were little quirks that stopped him from being ordinary like everyone else. Many here had pale skin, like me, but this boy's skin managed to almost match the colour of his ivory shirt. The flawless pale skin that was exposed on his face and hands sat in wonderful contrast with the dark colour of his suit, creating a nice definition to his frame. His hair wasn't groomed in the slick style of the 50's but instead left in tousled disarray.

As soon as I took in his hair I felt a pang of recognition.

It was a brilliant bronze that I had only ever seen sported on two people in my life.

Edward Junior and Elizabeth Masen.

I watch him surreptitiously as I edged a little closer. I stopped when I saw the boy's alabaster hands tense slightly. It was an odd reaction but I thought perhaps he wasn't a fan of strangers.

I felt a blush coat my cheeks at my rash actions. I didn't know this man and yet I felt that I had to be near him, all because his hair colour was similar to that of some distant friends.

Friends that now would be old and grey.

It was silly to want to be close to someone just because they offer some comfort through a memory of past friends. I knew this and yet I still stole another glance at the boy who was now standing in a stiff stance, while he had his eyes focussed completely on the books in front of him.

I couldn't see much of his face but the slight profile showed his features were angular and perfect in their bone structure.

I registered the discomfort my gaze was causing him and ducked my head in shame, tucking my newly found reading material into my chest and turn to make my way back up the aisle. I had never really looked over a boy with such interest and I felt my heart flutter with embarrassment that I had done it now when the boy was clearly feeling awkward. As I turned to leave a light breeze tickled my skin, signalling that someone had entered the library and bringing with it a chill that rose goose-bumps on my skin.

I heard a faint snap from behind me and turned in confusion.

As I looked back to identify the source of the sound I met a deadly glare from the boy with the bronze hair. His eyes were coal black and held such hostility that I stumbled back grabbing the edge of the shelves to stop myself from tumbling to the ground.

I was bewildered as to why he would give me such an antagonistic look when I had done nothing to deserve it; at least I hadn't thought I had. Could he have found my interested eyes upon him to be so repulsive that he felt it warranted this response?

As I thought this I felt my body flood with a horrible feeling of being unworthy. I hated the feeling and locked my eyes in his with determination. How dare he act in such a way towards me when I had done nothing to deserve this malice.

Although I tried to form a glare with my eyes I soon found it lost its fire when I saw the ice cold hate coming from his glare.

I watched his eyes as if hypnotised. I couldn't understand the struggle waging under the ebony surface, but I watched in rapture as his face twisted in pain and his fists clenched tightly at his sides. His gloriously deadly figure was only in front of me for matter of seconds before his face became one of panic. He cast me one last stony stare as he passed swiftly by me with a grace that seemed foreign compared to my stunned staggering.

As soon as he left I exhaled shakily. The near pressure-like hush of the library amplified my heartbeat until I was sure everyone could hear it. Each heavy pounding beat pulsed through me and released me from the shocked statue I had become.

My mind made sluggish work of cycling through the last few moments and with each segment of the memory I found myself filling with disbelief and comprehension. They battled against each other as I came to my conclusion.

The boy was no ordinary boy; there were too many pieces of evidence that pointed to him being something other.

His pale flawless skin.

His perfect posture and grace.

The hypnotic pull of those obsidian eyes.

The fine layer of wood dust left where he was standing, along with a simple row of finger prints.

He was no ordinary boy. He was, just as Aslo was, a vampire.

I felt a chill run down my spine as I realised that I had unwittingly placed myself in his deathly path. I had practically brought my jugular to his lips as some offering; with every furtive step I had taken closer to him I had tempted his monster.

My footsteps stumbled slightly as I passed out of the aisle and walked in a daze towards the check out desk.

As I walked my mind rolled through his deadly expression. It had been so beautiful in a way that was full of hate and otherworldly power. However, there was something that niggled at my conscious like a buzzing bee at a window pane, desperate to get into realm of my thinking. I focussed my brain to understand the nagging thought, as if I were opening the window to allow the bee to fly around me, making itself a part of my thoughts.

It didn't take me long to comprehend why my brain had decided to bother me during my vampire focussed thoughts. It could have only been a few footsteps before I found myself sucking in a gasp of astonishment and stopping still, dropping the book at my feet.

There was a reason why I had felt a pull towards him, why I felt drawn to the comfort his hair colour reminded me of.

I knew the way his bronze hair would tickle my palms if I ruffled it.

I knew how his face was capable of producing a crooked smile which resonated with boyish happiness.

I knew that the now lethal hands were able to play innocent melodies that filled your ears with beautiful music.

As the realisations flew through my mind I felt my knees buckle and my world started to blacken.

I knew who he was and what he was now.

He was Edward and he was a vampire.

_What a wonderfully strange occurrence. _My mind thought sardonically before the world fell away completely.


	21. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: So here's the next chapter, and as promised there will hopefully be another chapter posted saturday. Hope you like it :) **

Electric light beamed down on me, and I groaned against the brightness. My mind was clearing from the fog of my fainting spell; it reminded me of the rush of senses that happened when I jumped. I sat up bleary eyed as muffled voices started to clear around me.

"Miss St Clair, you need lay down a little while longer, let your body recuperate." A female voice interrupted my mind and soft hand eased me back down into my bed.

The movement made my head swirl and my eyes focus wavered sluggishly making the pastel green walls merge in a sickly way. A few minutes passed as I lay with my eyes closed, waiting for the room to stop spinning.

"Miss St Clair? I'm Dr Jones." A masculine voice spoke, and I open my eyes again to look upon a man in a white coat looking over a clipboard. He looked up and smiled as I heaved myself up from my pillow. I could feel my hair unfurling from the slightly tattered mess it had become whilst I was unconscious.

"Well, thank you for your help, Dr Jones. I'm feeling fine now, I promise. I could probably leave now actually." I fiddled with the sheets and started to remove myself from this embarrassing situation. I was very much aware of the fact that I had fainted unexpectedly in the middle of the library, but I was anxious to move on and forget about it.

"I'd prefer if you would let me check you over first, Miss St Clair, or should I call you Sarelle?" He peeked up from his focus of my chart and smiled warmly as he tried to get me to stay.

"Sarelle will be fine. Thank you." I replied quietly as I flopped back onto the bed in frustration, earning me a small laugh from Dr Jones.

"Shouldn't you be in school, Sarelle?" he asked, and I looked up to see his eyebrow quirk as he questioned me. I panicked slightly and my eyes locked with his navy ones.

"I'm homeschooled." I focussed on his eyes as I willed him to believe me. I relaxed instantly as he nodded in a slight daze. I had never fully understood how I could affect people, but I was glad it worked.

"Please can I go? I have quite a lot to do," I said. It wasn't that I wasn't grateful for the help they had given me, it's just I couldn't risk them asking any questions about my home life or circumstances. I had managed to survive months in this place without people asking too many questions about how I lived. I didn't want the one person to learn the truth of my parentless existence to be a doctor who had the ability to report me to the social services and change everything about the life I had grown to love.

"Well, I would like to have a better look at you. Dr Cullen was the attending resident when you came in, but he had to leave with a family issue, you haven't really been seen properly." As he finished checking over my chart he came round and collected the usual vitals: pulse, pupils, blood pressure. While he was gathering an understanding of my physical state, I was reeling at the information he had given me.

'Dr Cullen.'

Was it just a coincidence that he had the same surname as Carlisle?

I found it unlikely, but if the same doctor that had attended to me was the same man I had lived with as a young girl, as well as being the vampire I had said my goodbyes to in the forest of Tennessee, then it left me with the conclusion that this small town of Belmore was fast becoming a ghost town.

A ghost town in which my past was taking up residence around me.

How many more of my past friends or foes would end up living as my neighbours and entering my life once again?

"Sarelle, are you ok? You seem a little pale," Dr Jones asked, and I shook off his concern.

"I feel good as new, thank you. As for being pale, I'm always pale." I smiled in jest, and Dr Jones chuckled at my comment.

"Well at least the faint didn't affect your spirit. I'll just sign your chart and get you to fill out this form, and then you can go home. Are your parents coming to pick you up?"

"Oh no, they'll be busy. I'll just have a friend walk me home." He reluctantly passed a form to me, and I filled out what I could, which was generally just my name and bank details since I had no insurance.

I didn't have a phone number.

I didn't know my address, and even if I did I could hardly admit to living in a house that legally wasn't mine.

I couldn't fill out my family details or any guardian numbers.

In other words, I left the hospital as soon as Dr Jones left me alone, leaving a relatively blank form behind on my bed.

I may have been free of the fog that the faint had temporarily placed on me, but I instead had to deal with the fact that Edward Masen lived somewhere in this town as a vampire. There was also a strong possibility that he was staying with Carlisle Cullen who was also a vampire and had been in the company of two women and another man when I last saw him in the forest. All of whom were vampires.

As I walked through the town in my daze I wondered if the residents had any idea of the supernatural beings that inhabited their small sleepy town.

As small children skipped by with their mother, I came to the firm conclusion that they didn't.

* * * * *

After my fainting spell the days passed in fits of sluggish seconds and racing hours. The passing of time didn't do anything to ease the agitated questions that occupied my mind.

There was so much that was unexplained, and I feared I'd never get any answers. Some would think that knowing what Edward was would stop my mind from puzzling over his actions, but it didn't. Instead my mind just focussed on how he had come to be a vampire.

He still seemed to be young, not quite a man, so I couldn't help but ponder how his disappearance would have effected Elizabeth and Edward Snr. In truth, I already knew the answer to that question. It would have destroyed them. Edward had been the apple of their eye, the centre of their universe, so I could only imagine the grief they would have felt at losing him.

The next query to cross my mind was how. How had this even happened to him? Aslo had never explained how a person got changed into a vampire, but I knew it required another vampire. Did that mean that Carlisle was Edward's sire, and therefore the reason he had been taken away from his family?

If this was the case I felt a flash of anger towards the man I had once respected and looked up to. I didn't want to think of him badly, but I couldn't find any part of tearing Edward from his parents to be a good thing.

When I thought of the other vampires I had briefly seen Carlisle with, I felt a bout of hysterical humour spark in me. The neighbouring town of Salem had a well known legend of witches. I found it fitting that Belmore had its own supernatural beings, the Belmore vampires.

I chuckled at the thought as I went back to reading about such legends from the large dusty book I had found at the library.

My encounter with Edward had sparked a strange fascination in the supernatural, so I had raided the shelves of myths and legends in a hope it would distract me a little from the real immortal residents here.

I had already read five books and it had done nothing but increase my thirst to understand.

However, I was trapped in limbo because, as much as I wanted to talk with Edward and understand what had happened, I feared his reaction. Our last meeting hadn't been particularly cordial.

Also, there was the fact that it was highly likely he wouldn't know who I was.

Finally, and most importantly, he had vanished from sight.

I never saw him around town or in the library, and I could hardly try to find him. He was a vampire, so I doubted he would be found easily.

I had no choice but to sit, wait and hope that I would have a chance to see him again.

Strangely, it was fast becoming something I _had_ to do.

* * * * *

After days of contemplating my next move, I eventually walked into the library minus the tension I had experienced over the past week.

I greeted Steven politely and walked straight to the aisle of my choice.

I had never had a chance to read 'The History of Musical Greats' so I headed to find it.

As I stood in the narrow aisle I skimmed the book spines for the thick black volume I wanted.

I sighed in frustration when I couldn't find it, but my sigh soon choked up when I heard a quiet musical voice clear next to me.

"Excuse me; is this what you are looking for?" I straightened out to stand before the immortal version of Edward.

His eyes weren't coal black; they weren't even the ruby red I had learnt to associate with vampires. Instead they were an extraordinary molten gold. Part of me missed the bright emerald green hue they used to be, but the majority was too busy admiring his new appearance. I didn't know if it was immortality, or just because he had grown up, but he was now the kind of boy that captured a girl's eye and caused her heart to pound loudly.

I had to remind myself that he was still little Edward beneath the predatory beauty.

I swallowed loudly as my throat had run dry with nerves.

"Yes, thank you," I whispered, slightly breathless.

"My name is Edward Cullen," he said with a polite mask on his face as he watched me carefully. I thought I saw his eyes cascade over my body, but it was such a swift action I couldn't be certain.

"I see you're in a better mood today," I said, and I couldn't stop the haughty tone from entering my voice. At least it didn't seem to anger him because he stood beside me with a slight friendly smile playing on his dazzling face.

"Yes, something like that. I apologise for my behaviour the last time we met. I was not myself." His voice was perfectly polite, and I knew he had no idea who I was. The conversation wouldn't feel this awkward if he did, or at least that's what I hoped. Perhaps he did recognise me and the shock of seeing me practically unchanged forty years later was the cause of this stilted interaction.

"I was only joking, Edward. There was no need for an apology, but thank you anyway. Since you introduced yourself, I believe etiquette requires me to do the same. I'm Sarelle St Clair," I said, and turned back to the end of the aisle. As I left to find a large leather couch to situate myself on, I thought I heard his quiet voice whisper the words, 'I know'.

Once I had myself settled into the chocolate brown leather, and felt the way the supple leather hugged my slim frame, I opened up the book and ignored the sight of Edward's lean figure coming to sit in a seat a few metres away.

I tried to read

I tried to ignore the way he watched me, but it seemed an impossible task. His gaze held too much temptation, and I found myself spending more time trying to fight the urge to meet his eyes than actually reading.

Eventually, I gave up and went to return it to the shelf only to find his presence near me once again.

We both stood ignoring the other whilst still in complete awareness.

I looked over the titles, but they all just blurred together due to my lack of concentration.

"May I make a suggestion?" I stood immediately with a slight sigh. He didn't wait for my reply before he offered a book into my hands, 'The Works of Claude Debussy.'

"It would be a fine choice if I hadn't already read it. It was one of my first book choices. When I came here."

"When did you first arrive?"

"Some time back in October. I can't be sure exactly because time tends to blur a little." I sighed and fiddled with the book in my hands.

"So you like Debussy?" he asked with honest interest in his voice, somehow I didn't feel too disorientated by the abrupt change of subject.

"He is one of my favourites; I especially love Clair de Lune. His music reminds me of my old home. As strange as that may sound." I said, as I replaced the book on the shelf, smiling at the memories of listening to Debussy with Renée and Bella, and sitting on my father's lap as he played it after dinner.

I looked up at Edward and saw the distant look on his face as if he was remembering memories similar to my own. I wondered if he could remember the first time I had played it to him, when we had sat at the piano together on the day I came to visit. Then again he was only nine years old, so it was unlikely that the memory would register in his mind.

I watched him as he inhaled gently, and I noticed the way his hands clenched slightly as he returned his gaze to me, a silent war fighting behind his irises.

"I wouldn't say it was strange at all. In fact, I have a similar feeling." His eyes had settled from their mild frenzy and now held a small glint of sadness. I wondered if he remembered enough to miss his parents. I knew what it felt like to be pulled from your family and life without consent.

"You don't live with your family anymore," he said, and I noticed that he didn't say it as a question.

"No I don't. They died when I was nine, but keep it quiet, no one around here knows," I whispered in a voice of mock conspiracy.

"Your secret's safe with me." He smirked, and I smiled slightly at his more relaxed frame of mind.

"So, in turnabout, do you have any dark secrets?" I kept my voice light and teasing, but I could see his mind registered the serious meaning below the light heartedness.

"More than I care to mention," he muttered, and the air around us seemed to grow heavier by the second. We stood in a short loaded silence while I alternated between looking at the books and sending furtive glances at Edward.

His face was set in a mask of frustration as if something about my presence irritated him.

I huffed and picked up the first book that hit my fingertips, anything to escape the tension between us.

"It was nice to meet you, Sarelle." He said with a small smile.

"And you, Edward." ..._Again._

* * * * *

Over the next few days I tried desperately to live life as normal, but it was useless. My routine had been drastically interrupted. I would find myself switching between wanting to visit the library more in a hope of seeing Edward, and then panicking that I was effectively chasing danger. It seemed my last interaction with Edward had sparked something I wasn't sure I understood.

I had read so many novels that talked of love and companionship, but the way I felt for Edward was not the carefree feeling the character's portrayed. It was terrifying.

It had shaken up everything in my being and turned it on its head. The version of me that was once calm and collected was now too mixed up to understand what I felt.

I was caught between conflicting emotions.

Firstly, he was Edward, little Edward Masen. The boy I had teased and played with as if I was his older sister. Therefore, I couldn't help but feel that my emotions towards him were wrong. Perhaps I was mistaking the feeling of home and comfort that he portrayed for something more. Surely it was wrong to feel this way for a boy who was once five years younger than me, no matter that he was now roughly three years older.

Secondly, he was a vampire, and so I could hardly imagine that he would find any interest in me other than a walking, talking meal. I knew that Aslo had been able to fall for a human, but he had been alone for many years and had practised denying his thirst. I couldn't be sure that Edward had as much experience. Was this allure I felt for him just a by-product of his nature? Was the unknown feeling in my heart worth the risk it would place on my life?

As I marched my way determinedly towards the library doors I felt the decision form in my head.

_Yes, _for how could I deny this pull I felt towards him? Whatever its reason may be.

The large doors creaked and boomed as they shut behind me. I saw several people give me irritated looks at my erratic entrance.

Steven gave me a smile but I saw the puzzlement in his eyes. No doubt my own were slightly wild and glassy due to my sudden burst of decisiveness. My mind and body knew my decision to allow myself to get closer to Edward was dangerous, but my soul disregarded it all for the chance to experience the emotion I felt when I was near him. The rush that seems to make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time; the thrill that makes me feel more alive than when I'm not in his presence; the buzz the adrenaline gives me as it pumps through my body all because his eyes are on me, predatory of otherwise. None of it was rational, logical, or realistic, but my mind no longer functioned in a way that was rational, logical, or realistic. It was as if a spell had been cast and I could do nothing but endure the emotions it made me feel.

I breathed in a deep breath and passed Steven to head towards the fantasy section. My mind felt the need to flex its imagination.

I felt my racing heart start to ease back into a comfortable rhythm as my fingertips danced across the books, skimming up the alphabetical order until I found my choice.

I plucked it from the shelf with a smile on my face and spun happily to settle myself in my favourite couch by the large window. I didn't get far as I walked straight into what felt like a wall but turned out to be Edward's stone figure.

As my body ricocheted off his Edward's hands caught me and stopped my body from stumbling to the ground.

His cold hands released my almost instantly with a small apology slipping from his lips in a soft voice. I smiled my own apology and ducked my head to hide the small blush that had appeared due to his proximity.

"I see you're back again," I said as I adjusted myself from my flustered state.

"Yes, as are you." Edward replied, and I liked the smile I heard in his voice.

"I'm a bit of a bookworm, what's your excuse?" I looked up at his eyes as they watched me intensely. Everything about him was intense, and I feared that if I truly gave in to this gravitational force that pulled me to him, I would end up drowning in everything he was. I looked away in shame at my thoughts. How could I possibly have these crush like feelings for a boy I had loved like a brother? It was wrong.

...But something in my soul felt too right for me to just walk away from him.

"What causes you to think I'm any different?" His head tilted to the side a little as he watched me, and I tried to ignore the fact that we were standing in a slightly darkened aisle and his body was preventing me from leaving. That's if I even wanted to.

"I don't ever see you actually reading. This leads me to think that you have ulterior motives." I grinned at him, and his face showed a short flash of panic before it settled into a relaxed mask.

"Perhaps," he said, and my eyes caught the movement that brought him just a millimetre closer.

I knew it was dangerous to have him this close.

It was dangerous to still want to be here even though he was so close.

It was dangerous to want to have him this close more often.

It was dangerous to want to have him a regular part of my life.

Edward registered my nervous action of biting my lip and shifted his weight away from me again. An act I both welcomed and resented in equal measure.

"What is your choice for today?" he said as he peered down to study the book cover that was slightly hidden due to being held at my chest.

"I thought I would try Oscar Wilde's_ Dorian Gray. _You know the tale of a young man that never ages due to a curse placed upon him. I thought it sounded a fascinating story."

"An interesting choice, why did you choose it?" He looked over the other book titles as if trying to understand what had drawn me to this particular book instead of the others.

"I like that it shows fantasy within reality. I believe the line between the two is a little blurred rather than being black and white." As I finished Edward watched me with a new wary light in his golden eyes. Did he understand the hidden message I was trying to convey to him?

Did he know that I knew what he was?

"Would you care to sit with me today?" I asked, and Edward looked away briefly before giving his answer.

"I am not sure if that would be very prudent."

"Why should I care about prudence?" I huffed, and instantly felt a little more childlike than I cared to feel. Perhaps because I didn't like the idea of seeming younger than I was and therefore increasing the age gap between me and Edward.

"Sarelle, I am not a good person for you to just openly invite into your life." He leant forward slightly, lowering his voice as his eyes locked on mine. I wondered if hypnosis was a power that vampires possessed, because I was certain I could lose all freewill by looking into those eyes.

I tore my eyes from his; I wasn't going to submit to him just because my heart felt under his rule in this moment. I had always praised myself on being strong. It would be no different now.

"I find that doubtful, Edward. I have had enough experience of bad people to recognise the good."I stepped to the side to leave and tossed my hair to the side to relieve the small irritation that had built at Edward elusive difficult behaviour.

"Why is it so hard to stay away from you?" His voice whispered. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to hear it or not for it was so quietly spoken. I stopped beside him before I left and glanced up at his figure which seemed a little less certain in its posture.

"Will you sit with me?" As soon as I asked it he turned to me and studied my face.

"If I do, do you understand the consequences?" He voice was low and serious, but I couldn't find any fear in me at his statement. If this was his warning, then I would take it and ignore it. I already knew what he was capable of. I wasn't naive to the truth, even if he believed me to be.

"There are consequences for sitting next to someone?" I injected some humour into my voice, but Edward didn't smile like he used to as a young boy. Instead his eyes burned with a need for me rescind my invitation and keep him from temptation. If only he knew he was fighting a losing battle.

"If you let me get too close, I may never let you go." I felt his cool breath fan across my face as he spoke with earnest. The fragrance that met my senses was a beautiful combination of fresh sweetness and seductive spices.

"I wouldn't think that a bad thing," I whispered, and to me it was so faint I wondered if I actually had spoken it at all. My answer was given when Edward's body stiffened in an upright position with a look of disbelief and anger on his face.

"You are utterly absurd, Sarelle." Anger flashed in his eyes, and his lips pressed into a firm line. "You have no idea..." He ran a frustrated hand through his unruly locks as he spoke.

"Are you questioning my intelligence?" I felt a flash of anger at his words. I could feel my hands clenching at my sides, desperate to hit or squeeze something to rid my body of the anger.

"Yes when your intelligence leads you to such a conclusion. Do you have any comprehension of what you are doing? What your words mean?" He tawny eyes blazed, and I stood as calmly as possible.

"I am able to make my own choices, Edward."

"But you're making the wrong one. Please just register that." His ochre eyes were serious, and his voice had a hard edge that cut through the air. Still, I chose to ignore these things, my anger was brewing and I couldn't find the focus to fear him.

"Don't you dare accuse me of blind ignorance."

"I will question your judgement when it is clearly flawed."

"You are infuriating!"I huffed and blew a stray strand of hair from my face.

Edward's eyes danced a little in what I thought may have been amusement due to my flustered movements, but his face showed nothing but stone cold defiance and determination.

"Fine. I retract my invitation. Happy now?"

I stormed past him but my ears heard a faint 'no' as I left.

**A/N: Thanks for reading :)**

**Check out my profile for the link to my 's a few banner (things) for this story there. Also, if anyone has a spark of inspiration and fancies sending me some images of parts of the story, or whatever, feel free to drop me a message and I'll send you my email. :)**


	22. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Hopefully you all like this, getting to the good stuff :)**

_Random quote: I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you._

How can someone fall so fast?

How is possible that I can go from peaceful oblivion to being consumed by an emotion so foreign to me?

I had spent so many years watching others fall in love, flirt in infatuation and crave the attention of their crush, but I had never experienced it myself. Not even for one second did my mind contemplate taking the leap and allowing myself to fall for someone.

So what had changed?

Why was it that I could no longer exist in the nice frame of mind that was ignorant to the thrills and perils of fantasy and infatuation?

And why did the object of my baffling crush have to be a vampire and a friend I had known since he was a young boy?

I guess it had to be slightly humorous that I would fall for someone who existed outside of the norm when I, myself, lived a life that was far from normal.

Of course, this way of thinking is all negligible, considering that Edward showed nothing that suggested he saw me as anything more than an object of interest. Like I was a puzzling enigma he felt compelled to unravel.

I had thought I had lost any chance of seeing Edward again after our small heated conversation in the fantasy aisle. However, it seemed there was something that refused to let us separate, for Edward soon came back with another apology and sat with me in peaceful company 'til Steven told us the library was closing.

We had been continuing our odd interactions for the past two weeks now and, although this could just be in my hopeful mind, I thought we had formed a strange kind of friendship. It felt like happiness had hit me like a train on a track and I was helpless to try and ignore it, even if it held a very real risk.

We always met in the library, but gradually we had escaped the stone confines into the fresh springtime air, walking through the town much to the interest of the residents. It seemed only I had noticed the curious glances, because Edward never showed any awareness to the staring eyes. Instead he focussed his amber eyes on mine, more often than I could allow myself to dream of.

When I looked back on these past two weeks I could come up with no way that I could have avoided falling head over heels for him. I often wondered if it was purely because he was attractive, although I hated this possibility. I had never thought myself to be so conceited as to fall for someone so deeply just because they were dazzling to look at. However, I would be a fool to say that his good looks hadn't played a part in my feelings. They had been the first building blocks, laid down at first sight and forming the foundation of an intense infatuation. The strength of which could surely trick any girl into believing in love at first sight. However, I knew there could be a more sinister reason for why I felt like gravity pulled me towards him. It couldn't be ignored, given how we had first met in this place. It was unfortunately clear to me that, like a Venus fly trap, he gave off a vibe that enticed me to come closer and give myself willingly to the predator in him.

Just these two small parts of who he was made it hard to walk away, so how did I ever stand a chance of not ending up in this state of mind? If he was capable, consciously or not, to draw me in and intensify the feelings I had for him just by being near me. How did I ever stand a chance of thinking if loving him was what was right or best for my self-preservation?

How would I ever escape from this power he had over me when everything in my mind, body, and soul, wanted nothing more but to stay by his side?

This was all just based on the very basic essence of him. There was so much more involved in my feelings for him. He held all the memories of my time with the Masens and therefore I felt comfortable and safe with him, although I would never tell him that yet. It would be enough for him to declare me insane after all the warnings he had given me.

It was brutally obvious that I was powerless to have stopped this attraction and the emotions that came with it, so now I had to deal with the pain of unrequited love. It was the only way it could be. Edward could never love me because there would always be too many obstacles for us to overcome. Mortality did not belong in an immortal world, and I could not bring myself to be as brave as Mary had been. I couldn't take the risk that I would disappear completely and be nothing but a monster in my once human shell.

Needless to say, these thoughts were pointless because for me to even have to contemplate life as a vampire I would have to have reason to be changed, and I didn't.

I cleared my mind as I walked through the darkening woodland path of the forest near Belmore. It was nearing the time of twilight, that nice easy time of day when everything seems leisurely and tranquil. I always preferred to walk back home in the rosy glow rather than the cold night air, so I made sure I never walked too far from home.

It was walks like these that helped clear my head and settle the flutter in my heart that happened whenever I let my mind focus on Edward too much. It was strange that for once I was acting like the adolescent girl I was meant to be, and all it had taken was a boy to capture my heart.

My footsteps were light as I walked through the forest debris. In this moment it felt more like walking on air than solid ground. Many would find it an awkward route to taken, through all the slippery logs and leafy ditches, but I was always steady on my feet, so I had no problems.

The soft sounds of birds tweeting filled the air along with my crackling footsteps and the small tune I was humming as I walked. Due to this soft soundtrack I heard the low growl that interrupted it. My body froze, and I felt my heart hammering against my rib cage as loud cracks came from the foliage close by.

A deadly rustle produced a large rust-coloured beast stalking towards me from the bushes. Its eyes were dark set against its shaggy fur. It was huge, and I could easily guess that its height would be a good few feet taller than my 5 ft 5 frame if it were to stand on its hind legs.

I knew the area had a small population of grizzly bears, but there hadn't been an attack in a while according to Clara. Then again, this was springtime and they would be coming out of hibernation irritated and hungry.

How typical that I would be this bears first meal and the next victim of an attack, attacks which were supposed to be rare. It was a dark thought but I had to accept that this situation fit my life perfectly. So perfectly in fact that it was almost humorous, if your own death could ever really be a laughing matter. In fate's eyes it had obviously been long since I was last made to endure something awful. I should have realised that fate would never like to leave me happy for too long.

I kept my eyes focussed on the animal as my feet staggered back towards a clearer pathway. If I was going to have to run it was best that it was without too many pitfalls, although from what I knew of bears I would not run for long before it caught up with me.

The bear's paws pounded at the ground as it blew out angry snorts, perhaps staring it in the eyes was not the smartest thing to do.

A shaky breath left my lungs as my nerves increased. This situation was most likely life or death. Then again, there would be little chance of surviving if it caught me.

A vicious snarl came from its muzzle as its body set to run at me, its massive muscles flexing in anticipation. The snout wrinkled up to reveal sharp canines that sent a shiver down my spine. I had encountered the worst of man's dark lustful behaviour but this animal threatened an attack that would be so much more visceral, red-blooded and terrifying.

I had heard stories from Clara about the last bear attack. They didn't kill quickly. Instead they pinned their prey, like a cat does a mouse, and ravaged whatever their claws touched. They attacked in frenzied movements, ripping and shredding the softer tissue of the body, oblivious to any screams. To be faced with such an end now made a cold sweat break out across my skin and my legs turn weak with the force of the adrenaline pumping through me. It was my body's way of begging me to act on the small chance of survival it was giving me. A small chance that my brain knew wouldn't be enough.

Indisputably, this was a moment which encapsulated man's greatest fear of being overpowered and eaten alive.

The seconds we were locked in this stare down seemed like hours, but a moment had to come when one of us would make a move and it would all be over.

However, it was not either of us that shattered the tension. Instead a growl sounded behind me, causing the bear to leap in rage and fear.

I never even came within inches of its lethal claws as I was thrown back, my head hitting off a log as I fell to the ground.

Part of me thought what came next was just a hallucination, or a strange dream from my unconscious mind, but there was no way my mind could conjure up such a violently bizarre sight.

The bear tried to attack my fallen form which was still in its eye line, but a blurred figure moved with lightning speed, disorientating the beast until it roared out in confusion. Roars and snarls erupted from both participants. One was filled with confidence and anger while the other showed its owner beginning to doubt their ability to win. The problem was that I had no idea which was which.

The bear's massive body moved frantically, its swiping claws and snapping jaws reached for the cause of its anger, but none of them caught its attacker. Instead each just brought it closer to its own death.

The sudden end when its head twisted too far and its neck snapped with a sickening sound.

The bear fell to the ground, its fur ruffling slightly as it passed through the air towards the sodden earth. Its beady black eyes were vacant but still stared at me in an unnerving way as if it could all of a sudden launch itself once again and finish what it had started.

I felt my stomach roll and my head waver from reality as shoe covered feet appeared in front of me.

My body vaguely registered the feel of the world spinning and my centre of gravity changing as if I was being lifted, but I soon slipped away into the darkness of oblivion.

_The attack replayed in my head, each replay highlighting a new aspect of it that kept me from waking up._

"_Does she know?" a male voice said stiffly, echoing through the visions I had. I couldn't decipher who it belonged to but its tainted accent was a comfort in my mind._

_Nothing in this state of mind was clear; instead it was distorted to a point where logic no longer existed._

"_I can't be sure, sometimes I wonder if she does, but how can she?" That voice so sweet that it made my heart beat in a wonderful melody._

"_Well, if she didn't before, she's certainly going to now." Another unknown man's voice filled my ears, and I sensed humour in its tone._

"_I couldn't just leave her to die. Not after waiting so long. It's her, I know it." Certainty ran through the angelic voice but still no face came to my mind._

"_It's been so long. She looks different, but that's to be expected." A gentle man's voice said. A whisper of cold radiated across my forehead, but it was so faint I could barely feel it._

_My unconscious state altered again, the images of the attack shifted into swirling colours and shapes flowing through my head._

"_Tell me. How could you not see this happening? She could have died." an angry distant voice drifted through my sleeping mind. Cold rested against me gently as cool air touched my cheeks in fluttering strokes_

"_I can't, I've tried before, but she's never there. It's like she's invisible. If I try to see just her, there's nothing but mist. Like a thick haze. Don't you think I would have told you otherwise? In fact, do you not think I would have said she would be here? We knew this day would come." A lighter feminine voice rang through my ears. _

_I felt that I was asleep; nothing was clear, sounds blurred together._

"_You know she can only try; we should just be glad that nothing happened. You got there in time." the gentle voice obviously tried to soothe the comments between the previous two. I couldn't place names to any of these sing-song voices; my ears were too muffled to clearly distinguish between them. _

"_Wonderful. You saved the little human. What are we going to do now? She's bound to have suspicions," A female voice hissed, slicing through the air around me as the tingling cool sensation brushed down my cheek once again._

"_I'll take care of it. I'm going to take her home. She can't wake up here." The musical voice tangled in my dream state._

_My mind gave up trying to understand and instead let go of the noise around me letting the silence seep through and ease me into sleep. It was a strange dream, but a dream nonetheless._

My eyes woke from what seemed like a long sleep. My body was stiff and sluggish as I stretched in my bed, clutching the covers in my hands as my limbs reached outwards.

I tried to sit up, but my head spun in a way that kept me glued to my pillow. There was an echo of pain at the back on my head, and I felt round to find a small bump underneath my hair.

I groaned as my fingers felt the tender lump. The memories of the attack ran through my head, and I felt the confusion sweep over me when I looked around me room.

How had I gotten here?

A faint knock on my bedroom door brought my attention to away from the memory, and instead I clutched the covers up over my pyjama clothed body. Why was there someone in my house? How did they even know someone lived here?

"Come in?" I said in a wavering voice.

The door creaked open and Edward crept in with a sheepish look on his face as he carried a small plate of toast and glass of water.

"Good morning, I'm not the greatest cook so this was the best I could do. You look better." He said as he placed the plate in my lap and the glass on the bedside table. I could do nothing but stare at him in disbelief.

"Excuse me?" I said as I continued to gawp at him

A small smile formed on his face, and he sat on the end of the bed, his eyes flickering over me.

"Do you not remember? You were in the forest, and you must have fallen on a log because I found you unconscious. I brought you back here after you mumbled where you lived. It's very nice by the way." His words made no sense because I still had the bear attack in my head, it was so clear. There was surely no way I could have made up such a thing.

No, I was certain it had happened, but why would Edward try to claim otherwise?

"I didn't slip. I never slip. There was a bear and then it died. Something killed it." As I spoke I took a bite of buttery toast and mulled over what I could remember. True it was all rather foggy, but there had definitely been something that killed the bear.

As I remembered the white blur that taunted the bear I made the connection between the memory I had of Carlisle in the forest and the figure that moved around the bear.

Vampire.

A vampire killed the bear.

"What on earth could kill a bear, Sarelle? Perhaps the knock to your head its making you confused." Edward's eyes watched me closely and I narrowed my own at his words. He wasn't going to trick me so simply.

I was almost a bit insulted that he believed I could be fooled so easily.

"I am not confused. I know what killed the bear." Edward's eyes flashed at my words, and I felt the events click into place.

"Perhaps it would be better to say that I know _who _killed the bear." I looked pointedly at Edward. His face formed an incredulous mask, but it was clearly just an act because his eyes were tense and defensive.

"You think I attacked and killed a bear?" His tone clearly questioned my sanity, and it sparked my anger.

Why did he have to play these games when it was clear I knew what he was? Surely, if I was brave enough to give the hints and risk his wrath, then he should be able to just tell me the truth.

"I know it." I said as I set my jaw determinedly.

"Sarelle, you don't know what you're talking about, you're probably still concussed. I should take you to the hospital."

"Stop it. Stop with this game of dancing around the truth. You really are the most exasperating _person, _Edward" I blew a strand of hair out of my face as I huffed.

"This so called _dance_ is for your own good." His voice was low and serious, and I knew this was the beginning of _the talk._ This thought alone made my heartbeats start to skip.

"I am not a child. I haven't been for many years, not since my parents died, so give me the credit of allowing me to make my own decisions because I am happy to accept the consequences." Edward's face looked defeated for one moment, and I gradually edged myself out of bed to stand before him. I made sure to leave a metre of distance between us. I knew it probably didn't make much of difference, but I had to show him that I had more of an understanding of what he was than he thought. I knew that contact with me would be difficult for him, as it had been for Aslo. So, just as I had respected Aslo's boundaries, I would respect Edward's.

"Edward, we have been something close to friends for a while now, and I feel that we deserve each other's trust."

Edward's golden eyes looked up into mine. I saw the worry buried beneath their surface, but what could he possibly fear?

"Sarelle, you don't understand..." His words were faint as his eyes begged me to stop talking and keep the secret between us untouched. If only he knew that what he most wanted was something I could no longer do. I didn't want to force him to reveal what he was, but I couldn't bear to attempt and ignore the elephant in the room any more.

"Please do not believe that I say this lightly. I have a need for secrecy as much as you do, but I do not need to hide who I am from you and neither do you. So, what I ask Edward is, will you tell me your secret if I tell you mine?" a small smile played on my lips but it faded as Edward's head dropped into his hands. His fingers ran through his bronze hair in a stressed motion.

"I can't make that promise Sarelle, too much is at risk."

I sat beside him on the bed, looking out at the forest.

"You're right, there is much at risk, but my life has revolved around taking risks and never before have I been more certain than in this moment, please just take this chance with me, Edward."

I never took my eyes off the view of the forest. I could say it was because it held my interest with its pretty scene, but it was more because I couldn't bear looking at Edward as he refused me once again.

I knew my feelings for him weren't returned but that didn't mean that his rejection didn't still hurt.

"Please, trust me." I lay my hand on the bed in offering and my heart rate increased at the prospect that he might accept my trade and place his hand in mine.

Silence followed for a large of period of time, and I passed it by thinking through everything that had happened in my life and how it could possible have lead me to this moment. Did it have path or had I just followed a random route that had no real purpose?

As I ran through the memories I felt Edward's body shift next to mine. His hand bushed against mine, filling it with a wonderful buzz of electricity.

I turned to smile at him but his face was set in pure shock.

"What's wrong?" I asked as he got up from the bed in stiff movements.

"Nothing. I have to leave. I'm sorry." He hurried out of the room at a fast human pace, and I heard the front door shut behind him, leaving me in a state of hurt and regret.

So close and yet so far.

* * * * *

Days passed and Edward never once entered my daily routine.

I couldn't comprehend what had changed between us. One moment we were beside each other ready to take the step together into the unknown that our two secrets held for each other. Then the next he had ran from me. He left me to look into the abyss alone and wonder if I would ever know what was on the other side of it, or if I would always be stuck with it in my life along with the infuriating question of 'what if'.

I should have known he wouldn't bend so easily, but I had hoped that maybe he had enough trust in me to open up. Obliviously, I had been wrong.

I looked out to the moonlit forest canopy. I couldn't sleep just as I hadn't been able to for the past few nights. Sleep just didn't come to me easily. My mind wouldn't turn off and so it was never at rest. I wasn't even given the consolation of tiredness during the long days. It was a shame really considering that life now seemed to have become a type of monotony. It wouldn't have been a waste to have slept through it. It seemed things that once had been interesting to me were now bland.

It was as if Edward had stepped into my life and illuminated everything into vibrant colour. Consequently, now that he was gone it had faded back to their previous colours, but because I had gotten used to how it looked with Edward around, they now seemed even less vivacious than they had been before. Flowers that used to bright red now seemed dulled. Objects, sights and experiences that once seemed exciting and fresh now seemed mundane.

An agitated sigh blew out of me and I slumped on the window ledge, propping my cheek on my palm.

A movement swayed the bushes and caught my attention instantly. I watched amazed as Edward stepped out of the shrubs into the shadows surrounding the bright moonlit clearing that my home was situated in.

His eyes were locked on me. I could see they burned with fiery intensity even from my place metres away from him. It took mere seconds for me to run from my bedroom out to stand opposite him in the clearing.

The night air was still but cool and my fine white nightdress offered me little protection from the temperature as it fluttered around my knees.

I took steady steps before stopping in the centre of the clearing, I wouldn't get too close. If that had been the reason for him leaving last time, then I would not repeat the same mistake.

His eyes watched me cautiously, and I stood diligently in the pool of silver moonlight while wisps of my hair danced in a small breeze that circled through the clearing. The silence of the forest no doubt amplified the heavy beats of my heart. I was certain they would be excruciating clear to Edward, and I worried that they tormented him. Calling to him as if my blood was singing a siren song. I hated to think that my presence taunted the monster he obviously tried so hard to hide.

Edward's eyes never left me as he took reluctant steps into the moonlight, coming closer towards me.

In shadow he was inhumanly handsome, but in the moonlight his skin had an ethereal glow that made his beauty more stunning than usual. If this was the effect of mere moonlight, what dazzling sight did he become in sunlight? The memory of Aslo's deceased friend, Derren, in his sketch form came to my mind, and my heart fluttered at the idea of Edward in such a sparkling state. Would I ever have the chance to see it?

"You should be sleeping." He was standing a metre away and showed no sign of discomfort of my closeness, but I didn't dare take another step forward, even though my feet itched to do it.

"I can't, I've had a lot on my mind." I gave him an accusatory glance and a smirk played on his face before it turned earnest.

"I apologise for the way I've acted." He took another small step towards me, and I watched his eyes for any sign of the battle between him and his thirst.

"Apology accepted, though an explanation would be nice." I smiled at my flippant tone and was glad when he mirrored it.

"He said that this day would come, but I never thought it were possible. That's why I acted the way I did at first. I couldn't be sure that it was you. You smell the same but you're younger than when we met." He took another step forward as his gaze roamed over my body. I felt as if my skin tingled under it. While my body indulged in his gaze, my mind raced at what he had told me. It made no sense.

"I don't understand. Who told you this day would come?"

"Carlisle." I felt shock fly through my veins. My assumptions had been right. Carlisle was here in Belmore, and he was with Edward. But this still didn't explain how they could know this day was coming. Was Carlisle psychic? He hadn't shown any abilities when I was with him.

"How can you already know me? I've never met you like this before." My memories were only of him as a human child, and I could think of no other time that I had met him in his vampire form. Surely if I had I would have remembered. It seemed unlikely that any part of him would be forgettable.

"You have, in your future. Strange isn't it? That your future is my past." One more glorious step forward was taken whilst a wonderful crooked smile played on his lips.

"Does this mean you know? What I am?"

"Do you know what I am?" he teased as his eyes twinkled.

"Yes."

"Then we are both terrible at keeping secrets" His eyes sparkled as he smiled down at me. I giggled and nodded at his statement. We were even worse at admitting the truth to one another. To think all this confusion and tension could have been erased if we had both just admitted that we knew each others secret and so had no reason to hide anymore.

"However, you don't know what I can do, otherwise I am sure you wouldn't have offered your hand so freely." He took a deep breath and reached a steady slow hand to trail lightly through my hair and down the sleeves of my nightgown.

"If I had known it would cause you to leave, then no, I wouldn't." I ducked my head in embarrassment at how forward I had been. I was melting every passing moment that I was in his presence. It was odd to bring my guard down this much when I was used to having some form of a wall surrounding me.

"It wasn't because of the gesture, or the way it felt. It was because of what I saw, memories and thoughts that I didn't understand." My head snapped up in surprise of his words.

"You read minds?"

Edward nodded with a grave expression on his face. "Yes, although yours is silent without touch. It's a pleasant piece of tranquillity that I'm refused by all others."

It made sense now why he would be so shocked at the touch. If he had seen my mind it would have been a very uncomfortable experience.

"I guess my mind would be disconcerting to visit." My head fell and my hair rippled down to form a golden curtain that shone in the moonlight.

"You're wrong, it was fascinating." Edward's finger gentle touched to my chin to encourage my eyes back to his.

"Thank you, although to have your mind complimented is quite bizarre." I gave him a shy smile and his chest shook with a low chuckle.

A few moments of silence passed as I ran through what I had learnt.

"If you knew me, why did you react the way you did when we first met?"

"The idea that it could really be you was a shock, and you're scent, although I had been used to it, a little, still hit me like a wrecking ball. I couldn't control my more ...animalistic side. You were so close. Such a temptation and you kept getting closer. I should have left but then that damned breeze sent the full force of that sweet honeysuckle fragrance, and I am ashamed to say I nearly lost all control."

"So I was like a lamb to the slaughter from the moment we met?"

"No, I could never hurt you. In fact, I would rather endure an eternity of agonising thirst than touch a single hair on your head in malice." He brushed his hands through my blonde locks again and his fingertips tickled down the column of my neck, causing me to shiver. He soon removed his hand, clearing his throat against what I imagined was the fire desiccating it, baking it to a painfully parched state.

"Why do you continue to hurt yourself by being near me? Why didn't you just avoid contact?" I whispered.

"It would have been the best option for your safety, but I couldn't resist you. A pull kept me in your presence; a pull which I now know was love. Unconditional and irrevocable. I was meant to love you, it was already written and I am helpless to deny it. I don't want to."

"I feel it too. The pull, it's like gravity."

He smiled and his hands glided up my arms, pulling me towards him. We stood in this embrace as I looked up to him.

"So the lamb and the lion fell in love," I whispered, my smile coating my words as I said that four letter word. To me, the lion and lamb was the perfect comparison. After all he was the perfect predator, and from what I could vaguely remember from the bear attack, his body had been lithe and graceful while his roars were full of power.

"Stupid lamb," he said and I pouted playfully at his comment.

"Sick masochistic lion," I returned and he placed a light kiss on my forehead before I rested my head against his chest. The dead silence was surprisingly comforting and peaceful.

"How wonderfully dysfunctional we are." I sighed, basking in the moment.

"What fun is there to be found in the ordinary, when something extraordinary can be had?" his hands ran over my hair, and I felt him inhale my scent deeply before placing a sweet kiss into my locks.

"I couldn't agree more." I smiled up at him because this moment was just too perfect for me to contain the happiness I felt.

When his amber eyes gazed intomine, everything disappeared. Our bodies dematerialized. The clearing we were in ceased to exist. Time became nothing.

And in the void, in the worm hole, it felt like my chest opened up wide as if cupid's arrow had literally shot through me, an excruciating wonderful energy licking over my nerve endings.

I knew then that there were many ways for a heart to break. Sometimes it's from the crowding of life, the compression of responsibility and burden of secrets that just squeezed you until you couldn't breathe anymore. Even though your lungs worked just fine.

And sometimes it was from the casual cruelty of a fate that took you far from where you had thought you would end up.

And sometimes it's age in the face of youth, or sickness in the face of health.

But sometimes it's just because you're looking into the eyes of the one you love and your gratitude for having them in your life overflows... because you showed them what was on the inside and they didn't run scared or turn away, they accepted you and loved you and held when that embrace was a combination of fear and passion because the love you both shared was always going to be balanced on a knife edge, tip-toeing the line between flight and fall. Sometimes you've just got to hope that even though the odds were stacked against you both, the way you feel for each other would be your parachute if you fall off the edge.

**A/N: So what do you think?**


	23. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Well here is the next chapter. It was murder trying to get it written because you know how people say life's a bitch, well mine is a bitch who stabbed you in the back with her stilletto heel while making out with your boyfriend (not literally but you get the idea). So the the past few days have been a bit hellish.**

**Let me know what you think of this next part of the story because I know a lot of you were waiting for this.**

_(random quote) I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too, So we're really not that different, me and you._

I admired Edward's resting body from my designated position in the bed covers. The moonlight streamed in from the window and danced across his figure, causing any of his revealed skin to become incandescent.

I couldn't say how long we had stayed out in the clearing, just being beside each other and enjoying the comfort that came with complete honesty. We had no more secrets hanging between us. I knew everything about Edward and he knew just as much about me. Possibly even more given that he had met my future self. I knew I should have had the urge to question him about his past meetings and my future one's, but I couldn't. There was something that didn't seem quite right about asking someone to tell me about my future. I would forever be chasing what they had told me and going through life expecting it to happen rather than just enjoying what came to me in the moment. If I was always looking forward to that future moment then I would never really appreciate what was mine in the present and that could only breed regrets.

I propped myself on my elbow and gazed over Edward's form as he looked out the window. Now and then his lips would move, small movements so fast they appeared to be mere trembles. When I asked him he said he was singing to himself, a song that reminded him of home. His face showed his contemplation but I couldn't imagine what captivated his mind.

"What are you thinking?" I said as I ran a soft touch down his bare arm where it sat on top of the bed covers. It was perfectly silken and cool; the stone firmness pleasant to touch. His gaze turned immediately to me in a flash like movement. I smiled at his relaxed natural movements, but I couldn't shake the fear buried deep down. The fear that this beautiful creature before me may be mine now but an end had to come.

"Did I scare you?" His head tilted at his question while his butterscotch eyes watched me.

"Of course not. I like that you can be yourself."

"Then why are you afraid?"

"I'm not afraid of you," I said with a sigh.

"That wasn't what I asked, Sarelle."

"I'm afraid that this has to end. I'm afraid that every moment I'm with you I dread the moment when I have to leave you. I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you much more than my heart should want."

"That is something to be afraid of. But let's not think about the end when we're still only at the beginning. When that day comes when I have to watch you leave, I will always try and find a way to you."

"I can't control it, Edward. I wouldn't be able to even tell you where I was going."

"Sarelle, nothing can separate true love, not even time itself. I _will_ find you."

"True love." I smiled shyly. It was still so wonderful to hear that word from his lips in that velvet voice.

"I believe that is what they call this feeling, although it still seems too fresh, too new, to name."

"I know what you mean."

His fingers traced up my arm, avidly watching as he danced them across my collar bone and slowly skimmed the soft skin on my neck. His palm came to rest on my cheek and I leaned into his touch.

"Is this OK?" he asked.

"You can't begin to imagine how it feels." I smiled as I inhaled his scent that permeated the air around his skin. A smile flickered on his face as he dropped his hand to take mine that lay outside the covers, bringing it towards his face.

His nose skimmed the delicate skin on my inner arm, sending sparks to fly through my veins.

"How are you so comfortable with what I am? Your heartbeat doesn't even skip. Where is your sense of self preservation?" His voice held humour as he continued to indulge in my scent but I could hear that my comfort caused him to worry.

"I've had practice, and I know you won't hurt me."

His eyes opened to reveal a cold look that was so shockingly contrasted to the previous warmth in his gaze.

"Sarelle, never forget that it's more than just your company I crave. I am a predator, and just because I have denied my innate desires so far, does not make me safe to be with." His eyes showed he was reluctant to utter these words. Was it possible that he was as reluctant to leave me as I was him?

"I know, Edward, and I will try my best to respect any boundaries you set. I will not make this harder than it already is for you."

"I apologise if I make it seem doomed to fail. That isn't the case at all. I have known and practiced against your scent for twenty years now. I am in control of that side of my nature...I could never hurt you. Just the thought hurts to think of. But I don't know how much I can give you. I've never felt this human but I don't know how to be with you."

He placed a soft kiss at the pulse point on my wrist, pausing for just a second with his lips resting against the vibrating membrane.

"Just this, Edward. This is enough." _For now..._ Edward's eyes twinkled at me as he smirked. I had forgotten he had the ability to hear me when we were in skin to skin contact.

"You shouldn't tempt me, Sarelle. I may not be mortal but I am still a man." His eyes glimmered and for the first time I felt my heart race at the flutters that look in his eyes gave me.

His smirk increased as he heard my heart beats picking up in pace.

"I truly hate my body right now," I said as I blushed, and his smirked turned into a full devilish grin which he topped off with a wink. My heart stuttered and a short chuckle left his mouth.

"You look lovely with a blush on your cheeks." His thumb's pad brushed against the heated surface of my skin, and I felt the complete contrast we were.

I was like fiery heat compared to his icy cold. Could fire and ice exist together and not ultimately destroy each other?

"I believe we could be the exception, we already defy the laws of nature." He said answering my internal thought.

"The only exception," I said as a yawn escaped against my will. I didn't want to go to sleep. I never wanted to close my eyes for fear that this night would turn out to just be a dream, a wonderfully, magical, fantastical, enchanting dream. I don't know if I could bear the thought of waking to find that I had to return to life before this night. It seemed so unlikely that Edward could be real, that any of this night had been real. I couldn't shake the irrational panic that he would disappear, like a mirage, as if he were too beautiful too be real, too perfect to be mine.

Why would fate give me such a gift when it seemed like it took such joy in keeping this kind of happiness from me?

"You should sleep; I promise I will be here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere." He stroked through my hair as I reluctantly lay back in my bed, watching him with heavy lids as sleep starting to claim my uncooperative body.

"I love you," I said, the words slurring with sleep.

"Forever and eternity," he whispered, and I felt a light kiss brush against my forehead, the parting gift I was given before I slipped into oblivion, plummeting into sleep only barely conscious enough to feel his arms wind around me as if I was something precious to cherish.

* * * * *

The dusky light of dawn forced me to open my rested eyes. Something, a dream trying to be remembered, fought to break into my consciousness. I sighed and stretched my limbs, but my arm pressed against something hard. I rolled over, opening my eyes properly to lay my puzzled gaze upon the object that had interrupted my morning wake up routine.

My awakening gaze settled upon Edward as he lay beside me, his lips pressed together to suppress one of his signature smirks.

"Good morning, sunshine. Your hair looks interesting, but just as lovely as usual." His unruffled voice commented from his place next to me on the bed.

"You're here...You're still here." My voice held just a little disbelief and Edward's eyes flickered from their twinkling expression.

"I promised you I would stay," he said as he leant forward to stroke the contour of my cheek bones and placing a sweet kiss on my forehead. It was fast becoming my favourite form of kiss, but part of me couldn't help but wonder. If these innocent kisses were so sweet, how would I ever survive if his lips were to touch mine?

His eyes watched me closely while his hand stayed resting against the side of my face. I felt myself edging forward, tempted towards him by his scent as it muddled my mind.

Mere inches were between us when I heard and felt his shaky breath. I stopped myself immediately. This was not a smart thing to do when I had promised him I would act with self-preservation at all times. That and I also feared I had morning breath.

Edward's eyes were focussed on me as we stayed in our motionless position facing each other.

"Sarelle," he whispered, and his voice was far too enticing, far too tempting.

"Give me a moment," I said abruptly and leapt from the bed into the bathroom, leaving my vampire sitting stone still on the bed.

I braced myself on the sink staring into the simple wooden mirror that balanced on the shelf above. I just needed to clear my head of that heavenly smell and settle my heart from the thrill our closeness had given me.

The face in the mirror was almost unrecognisable. I had always been a morning person but never before had I woken up and looked in the mirror to find my eyes so bright- the golden flecks twinkling feverishly- or my face so rosy. I'd never woken up feeling so alive.

I hurriedly brushed my teeth and splashed my face with cold water, hoping to shock some of the butterflies to a stop as they fluttered in my stomach. My hair wasn't completely hopeless so I swiftly ran my fingers through the waves, parting the knots where they formed to leave it less tangled.

I took a final look in the mirror and took a deep breath to wash away the final nerves before stepping calmly out the bathroom, only to be swept up into the air by Edward's steady arms.

I giggled as he twirled me around, landing us on the bed so I sat cradled in his arms, a bright smile still playing on my face. His eyes were gleaming as he held me close.

"Where were we before you ran off?"

"I did not run off." I pouted, and his face lit with a crooked smile that just about melted me in his arms then and there.

"There was definite running involved." He teased, and I thought he was trying to distract me from the fact that his face was edging closer to mine. If he was, it wasn't working. My body was far too aware of just how close he was, and it was reflecting in the way my heart pounded strongly through my chest.

"I'm not running now." My voice was breathless, just a whisper in the air between us.

"No, you're not." His voice was just as quiet as mine and his breath tickled against my lips due to his proximity. They parted slightly on their own accord, and his scent flurried to settle on my tongue, almost too faint to taste but still present enough to register.

His fingertip deftly skimmed across my lower lip before it dipped to tuck my chin. His eyes watched mine with caution as he steadily moved closer. Hesitation was clear in his actions as he weighed up the risks against the strength of the temptation that hung in the air around us, as if it could be a visible cloud. If it was, then I could only think it would be a thick hazy pink fog that swirled and churned while it seduced our senses. Persuading each of us that what was to come next was harmless and held no threat.

I was glad of Edward's hesitation; it prolonged the moment, heightened the anticipation, and made it everything I dreamt my first kiss would be.

After what seemed like endless seconds his cold, marble lips brushed against mine before he released the breath he seemed to have been holding and pressed a firmer kiss to my burning lips. I brought my arm up to rest my hand at the back of his neck, holding myself to him while my fingers laced into his silky-smooth hair.

When our lips parted, I was shocked to find us both a little out of breath, smiles flashing on our faces as we exchanged weak giddy chuckles. Our bodies were still in our previous positions though our foreheads rested against each other and our eyes remained closed, just soaking up every last second of our kiss.

I could feel my heart beating loud and clear, and I could feel my blood racing through my veins. I worried that these things combined with my proximity would be too much for him so I edged myself further away.

"Don't."The simple word shot from his mouth in an immediate reaction, while his hold tightened marginally around my waist.

"Is this too difficult for you?"

"Difficult would be the last choice of wording I would use describe this."

I stroked circles on the back of his neck while we exchanged smiles. Surely this was the epitome of happiness, the very height of emotion my body allowed me to feel.

We eventually unwound ourselves from our embrace, and I sighed before leaving his arms completely. It was at least late morning so I couldn't ignore the rumble in my stomach any longer. I moved fluidly around the kitchen, making myself a cheese omelette while Edward sat at the small kitchen table watching me. As the aromas drifted into the air I hummed Clair de Lune to myself, as I often did.

I flipped the omelette onto a plate and made my way to sit opposite Edward.

"Is that any good?" His face was twisted in disgust, and I took a deliberately large bite just to see his face grimace.

"Mmmm, yummy, can I get you anything?" I grinned and Edward rolled his eyes at my behaviour. A few minutes passed and we sat in comfortable silence whilst he switched between watching me eat and gazing around the room.

"Why are your eyes gold by the way? I thought they were always either red or black," I said and Edward's eyes showed concern at how I knew so much about vampire physiology, not that he verbalised his concern.

"Me and my family are what we call vegetarian. We survive off the blood of animals. It causes us to have golden eyes instead of the red which is natural for human blood drinkers." I nodded as I understood. There was no point in taking offense at his term 'human blood drinkers' I had know how Aslo survived, it was natural so I couldn't really resent him for it. He knew no better.

"What would you say to meeting my family today?" Edward's eyes locked on me, and I choked a little on my current bite. It was such an abrupt invitation that I was taken by surprise.

I swallowed my food with a heavy gulp.

"I would be honoured, but do they know that I'm human?"

"Yes they do, and they are anxious to meet you, especially Carlisle. He is most curious to learn about your life." A smile played in Edward's voice. It was clear he felt a close bond with Carlisle and I was glad there was no resentment towards him for the change.

I grinned when I thought about the man I had always wanted to see again but never properly had the chance.

"How could I possibly deny Carlisle his curiosity, give me some time to get ready and gather a few things. Then we can go." I quickly cleared away the plate and headed to get cleaned and dressed.

If Carlisle wanted to know about my life I could think of nothing better to show him than my diary and photographs. They would show everything that I had encountered and the memories that I hadn't documented in such a way were perfectly clear in my mind. I couldn't wait to talk to Carlisle about his human life; I wanted to see if there was any chance that he remembered me.

I quickly chose a dark blue dress that skimmed my figure down to my knees and had a scooped neckline that showed off my locket. It was modest and simple but that was how I like my clothes. I didn't have the kind of frivolous nature to spend an endless amount of money on clothes.

I packed the few things I was planning on taking to Edward's home into my small satchel, and wandered back into the kitchen.

As Edward's gaze cascaded over my outfit I felt myself shift nervously. What if I wasn't dressed as he liked? What if I met his family and they didn't like me? I knew nothing about them except for Carlisle so I couldn't help but worry about what their opinions would be. After all they were Edward's family so I doubted, if they didn't like me, that Edward would want that kind of decision to make. How could I make him choose between me and his family when our relationship was still so new?

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"What if they don't like me?" As soon as I asked he was in front of me, cupping my face in his cool hands.

"You have nothing to worry about," he said as he placed a soft kiss on my forehead.

"But..." I started.

"But nothing, they will love you." Another kiss landed on my right cheek.

"Just as I do." His lips brushed my left cheek before hovering over my own.

My breathing was shallow, and I could feel my head becoming muddled with his closeness. My hands sat limply against his chest. I stood eagerly waiting as his head tilted down to mine. His arms wound around my waist as his lips parted against mine. The instinctive part of me wanted to move my hands from his chest and wind them around his neck, but I knew I couldn't, our bodies were already so close together, so I didn't want him to feel that I was pushing him too far. I had to be patient and careful, not matter how much my body wanted to run into the realms of reckless abandon.

"Come on," He whispered and I nodded, unable to quite talk in that moment.

"Sarelle, do you have an aversion to speed?" His eyes were glinting as he asked, leading me out the house by my hand.

"Not as such." I looked at him curiously as he stopped in the clearing.

"Then, may I show you how I travel?" There was no way I could deny those glimmering eyes.

"OK," I said and in an instant we were flying. That's the only way to describe the feeling. I knew logically it couldn't be possible because I was on Edward's back and his feet were firmly on the ground, but the rush of wind going through my hair and the blurring of trees passing us made it seem to make perfect sense.

Adrenaline pumped through my veins and the only thing I could think to do was laugh.

So I did.

I laughed at the freedom, speed and thrill. I laughed at the pure joy this place had given me. I didn't care if I reached Edward's home and his family despised me, those thoughts couldn't even begin to bring me down from this high.

Edward streaked through the jade forest, fast like a bullet and his footsteps silent like a ghost. There was no sound except our laughter. Mine, so human and bland compared to his, which seemed melodious, if that was even possible.

Trees blew past us at deadly speeds as Edward manoeuvred our bodies, missing their trunks by mere inches.

It was over within minutes, although I knew the Jackson house was a good few hours hike through tricky terrain from my home.

As soon as we stopped Edward swung me around from his back to land me on the ground before him.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" His eyes were bright and excited, frenzied with the rush of running.

I had no answer for him, just a giddy giggled from the buzz.

Once my body recovered from the run I looked around at where we were standing. To one side was the large expanse of Black lake, forests and small mountains visible on the other side in the distance. They looked as if they floated on the waters placid surface. To the other side a large house stood, constructed completely of cream wooden panelling, snuggled into the lush green woods. It wasn't cold or scary looking but instead seemed homely and welcoming. The roof had large eaves and the windows were wonderful sweeping bays, capturing the view of the lake perfectly. There was a porch above the large double front doors and it stretched to sweep around the rounded turret that extended out of the house, offering its inhabitants a near 360 degree view of the lake and its calm glassy surface.

I had never come particularly close to the Jackson house or Black Lake, but I knew it was a pretty area. However, seeing it now, it seemed so idyllic and tranquil. It was a puzzle as to why no one had ever wanted to live here in the first place. Surely the inconvenience of its placement from the town could be easily overlooked when you had such a house and view to enjoy.

"It's beautiful," I sighed and Edward took my hand, leading me to the entrance as I ogled our surroundings.

He stopped just before opening the door.

"Why are you stopping?"

"I just wanted to check that you're sure about this..."

"Come on, Edward, I'm not going to run away screaming, and it's rude to keep people waiting." He grinned and opened the front door for me, ushering me in with his palm at the base of my spine.

The hallway was gloriously open, running into the living room and no doubt into the other rooms beyond. I had never seen such an open space with so much light flooding it. The walls were all decorated in a simple fresh cream along with soft wooden floors to complete a look that was simplistic in its perfection. I unconsciously twirled as I gazed up at the tall ceiling that seemed to stretch up two storeys as the stairs wove up in a wide spiral.

A throat cleared and I snapped out of my reverie to find Carlisle and a petite caramel-haired woman standing side by side, watching me with careful eyes.

Edward's arm rested around my waist while I smiled at the couple. The woman beside Carlisle was the perfect immortal version of Snow White, if you were to change her hair colour. Her figure was small and slender. She had the same pale, beautiful features as I had learnt were inherent to vampires. However, there was something about her heart-shaped face that melted me to her. There was just something in her eyes that showed such love that I couldn't help but think of my mother and the kind of adoration she had shown me.

Carlisle was everything I expected him to be. Still as tall and handsome as he had been when I last saw him, and I was glad to see his golden eyes still held the same compassion. He had never seemed happier than in this moment as he stood before us with his hand linked with the woman's.

"Sarelle, these are my parents. Carlisle and Esme." Edward's voice broke the short silence, and they both smiled in welcome but keeping their distance. I hoped they didn't feel obliged to be careful with their actions around me just to ease my nerves.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Sarelle," Carlisle said and Esme beamed as she looked over mine and Edward's hands held together.

"And you," I said, barely containing the urge to run towards Carlisle and wrap my arms around him. It had been so long since I had seen him properly, and now he was standing before me. The only issue was that I had an inkling that he didn't know just how much I knew of him.

"The others will be back soon, perhaps we should take a seat in the lounge while we wait," Carlisle suggested and so we moved to sit on the large plush cream sofas. I sank into the cushions and snuggled into Edward's side while Esme looked on in pride.

"You have a beautiful home," I commented.

"Thank you, Sarelle. I actually do the decorating myself. Perhaps once introductions are done Edward could give you a tour," Esme said. There was something distantly familiar about her, that hair colour. A memory struggled to interrupt my conscious thoughts but I pushed it aside. There was no way I could know this woman, I was sure of it.

"I would like that very much," I grinned and absentmindedly fiddled with the strap on my satchel.

"Would you like me to take your bag?" Esme offered.

"Actually, Edward had mentioned that Carlisle was curious about my life so far, so I brought a few things to show you. One of which I would very much like Carlisle to see." As I spoke I opened my bag and rummaged around the few things I had brought to find the gift Carlisle had given me on my tenth birthday. The leather bracelet no longer fit my wrist as I had grown, but I still kept it with my diary.

I removed it from the bag and toyed with it as I thought of how I would tell Carlisle that we had met before his vampire life. That I had been the one to abandon him, even if it was reluctant.

"Edward, would you hold my hand whilst I say this. I want you to see it in case I don't do it justice," As I said this Edward encompassed my hand in his and watched me intently. With a final sigh I looked towards Carlisle and smiled shyly.

I handed him the leather bracelet and he looked upon it in confusion, probably wondering why I would give such a thing to him.

As I started to speak, I fell into the memory of my first jump and the months that came after.

"I first jumped a month after my parents died, or disappeared and so presumed dead. I was in an orphanage so no one really missed me. I was terrified because with every tick of the clock time seemed to slow, and my body became filled with this unexplainable tension." Edward's eyes were fixed on me as he experienced the memory with me.

"When my body landed, I was in a dark alley in London, 1640." Carlisle's eyes sparked and his posture leaned forward as his interest heightened.

"I wasn't alone in the dark for long. A door opened and a man asked my name and where my family was. When he realised I was alone and scared he invited me into his home, much to the annoyance of his father." I chuckled as I remember how Andrew had muttered about the interruption.

"The reason I tell you this is because that man..."

"Was you." Edward finished my sentence and stared at Carlisle in disbelief as Carlisle's face showed pure surprise.

"You knew my human self?" He asked.

"I, in fact, stayed with you for eight months. You gave me that bracelet for my tenth birthday. We'd walk through the market and you'd pull me out the way of people throwing out their chamber pots while we talked." I giggled when I remembered my own disgust at how people disposed of their excrement.

"In many ways you were like my father figure, but you were also my first real friend, even if you were thirteen years my senior." I smiled at Carlisle, and he returned it with a small stunned smile of his own.

"When did you leave? Did I know about your ability?" His curiosity burned.

"No you didn't know what I could do. I never got the chance to tell you, although, being so young, I didn't fully understand it myself." I grimaced at what I next had to tell him and Edward caught the flashes of the memory, holding me a little closer to him.

"She was there, Carlisle. She saw it all. She even helped cover you while you changed." Edward said it in a voice so quiet that I was surprised even Carlisle could hear.

Esme gasped and her hand covered her mouth as she gave me a look filled with sympathy.

"I didn't want to leave you alone. I was so scared you'd die. I stayed next to you for three days just listening to you as you suffered. I hated that I hadn't tried to help you." The memory raced through my mind and I hung my head when I thought about how I had just run and hid in the shadows.

"Sarelle, you shouldn't feel guilty. There was nothing you could have done. In fact, you helped by covering me. Otherwise I would have been found and lord knows what I would have done." Carlisle gently rested his hand on mine, and I glanced up to give him a watery smile.

It was a wonderful feeling, forgiveness, and even better when it's given to you while you rest in your loves arms.

There was the sound of the front door closing and Carlisle shifted to sit back next to Esme, whilst Edward patted my knee with excitement and reassurance.

"Time to meet the rest of the family." I grinned at his comment and turned my head towards the hallway, where deliberately loud footsteps sounded on the wooden floor. I knew they were doing this for my benefit and I waited in anticipation for the moment to come when I would meet Edward's siblings for the first time.


	24. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: Review for the last chapter = Awesome! :D Seriously happy. A lot of people asked a lot of questions and I'm going to be mean and give you the answers to none of them right now. :D

Enjoy!

xxx

"Sarelle, this is Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice."Carlisle pointed out the people to me.

I sat staring at the four people who had entered. My heart was pounding and I could see it was making them uncomfortable. Edward's face looked between my shocked expression and his siblings.

_Impossible. _My mind mumbled.

They couldn't be the same people. There was surely no way. What kind of twisted joke was fate playing if it had decided to reintroduce so many people of my past but in different forms, bodies in which they would have barely any recognition of who I was?

They couldn't be the same people, it was just a coincidence.

I cleared my throat while I stood up, a shy smile on my face. I wouldn't make any more judgements until I knew a little more about them. Maybe, once I got to know them better, then my head would be better equipped to decide whether I truly knew them or not.

"Hello, it's nice to meet you all." Their previously stiff cautious faces melted into smiles, well Emmett's and Alice's did. Jasper seemed to be in pain and Rosalie was purposefully refusing to pay any attention to me. It was as if she thought it was beneath her to acknowledge my presence.

This idea caused anger to flare up in me. I knew it was irrational given that she had only just met me, but if she was the same Rose that I had met all those months ago then it didn't seem right that she treated me this way. After everything I had done for her, endured _with_ her.

Then again, this was all based on whether she was the same girl. It was hard to tell because her immortal version was so very different. Her expression was hard and showed none of the fear or vulnerability that it had been filled with on the night of the attack. This wasn't the only difference; her appearance was so much more than it had been. Golden hair cascaded down her back in rippling waves and her body was statuesque and perfectly poised. There were certainly a few glimpses that suggested she was the same girl, but I didn't know enough about her to be certain so I kept my mouth shut and just accepted her obvious dislike for me.

"It's wonderful to finally meet you, Sarelle. You have no idea how long I've been waiting." Alice skipped forward and gave me a light hug, inhaling slightly.

"You smell pretty. I can see the appeal." She grinned and linked her hand with mine, swinging it happily. Carlisle and Esme stood with quiet shock on their faces but when they saw my smile they soon relaxed along with Edward who seemed to be having a conversation with Alice.

"Thank you, Alice. It's nice to know I'll never have to by perfume in future," She giggled. She was certainly very alike to Mary but she couldn't be her because there was no Aslo, and she was _Alice_ not Mary. I turned towards the other three. I skipped over the glaring eyes of Rosalie and the still pained expression of Jasper. If he truly was Major Jasper Whitlock then something had changed, drastically.

My eyes settled on Emmett, and when he realised my line of sight he grinned.

"See something you like, Saz?" I didn't flinch at his nickname; from him it didn't seem as harsh as it had from Casey. Just natural.

As he smiled my suspicions rose. He had dimples, just like someone else I had known. I knew it was a long shot but I had to at least ask him this one little thing.

"Sorry for staring, but you remind me of someone. Did you ever live in Tennessee?" His eyes sparked up immediately and he quirked an eyebrow in interest.

"Maybe," he said.

"Did you maybe have a little sister called Kelsey McCarthy?" As soon as her name left my lips her leapt towards me, gathering me up in his large arms and spinning me in a bear hug.

"You met Squirt?!"He boomed and I chuckled at his excitement.

"Well, she didn't introduce herself as Squirt but....Give me a second I've got a picture here, somewhere." I wriggled in his arms until he put me down, a sheepish look on his face.

I rummaged through my bag until I found the photograph I wanted and passed it over to Emmett.

"Well, Saz, you're certainly full of surprises. This is my little sister." Emmett boomed and in a fast movement he had me in his arms in a bear hug that almost squeezed the breath out of me, again.

"Emmett," Edward muttered lowly.

"Oh yeah, sorry," Emmett mumbled as he placed me back on the ground, not before ruffling my hair.

"So you're Kelsey's Emmett. Your dad thought you'd run off to chase some girl across the country." I smirked at Emmett as he chuckled. When it faded he looked at me with a serious expression which didn't seem natural on his face.

"Were they OK? Was she OK?" he asked as he thumbed the picture of his baby sister.

"They missed you but she seemed happy. She told me about how you used to play games with her. You'd always be the hero that saved the day." Emmett grinned at what was probably now a faint memory to him.

He reluctantly went to hand the photo back to me and I shook my head. Kelsey may have been part of my life but she was a larger part of his and it was important that he had the photograph so he'd never forget.

"Keep it, I don't mind." As Emmett ogled the photo with excitement I thought I saw a glimmer of gratitude in Rosalie's face but it soon hardened back to its cold stare.

I went back to the sofa, Edward on one side of me and Alice on the other. I took a glance at Jasper where he stood at the far end of the room, nearest to Emmett and Rosalie. His expression wasn't as strained as before, and I saw a small smile play on his lips, although he still seemed distant. Perhaps there was something of Major Whitlock left in there, for I was certain it was him. He seemed so similar. He still gave off that feeling of charisma even though he didn't show it.

Still, I didn't want to increase his discomfort so instead I would just wait 'til I asked about his past.

"Well, now introductions are done, perhaps Edward could show you around?" Esme said and I nodded enthusiastically.

Edward stood and offered me his hand which I took gladly.

We moved silently through the house. The rooms seemed to flow into each other on the ground floor. From the living room we passed through into the kitchen and dining room, which although they didn't seem lived in were still impeccably decorated. As we passed to go up the stairs to the first floor, I noticed the carved cross that Andrew and Carlisle had in their home. I passed my hand over the old wood, feeling the smooth texture of the wood since it had been worn away by time.

As we passed through the first floor I noticed old fashioned photographs and paintings filled the walls. The photos were very well taken with perfect compositions; then again they were taken by vampires so it was to be expected. There were photos that seemed to document the growth of the family, events that had happened to them like celebrations and Christmases. There were no birthday images, and although it made sense since they didn't technically age, I still thought there may have been photos that showed they had celebrations to mark the passing of time, even if it was every ten years instead of every twelve months. Then again, Aslo had said time seemed to blur when you lived for eternity.

We passed through the winding hallways as they flowed around the house, each leading to a new cluster of rooms that held the same amount of style as the rest of the house. Each couple seemed to have a bedroom which was private and, although we never entered, appeared to be stuffed with personal items they had collected.

We finally reached Edward's bedroom at the end of the top hallway. The house was split over four levels and his room was situated on the highest. It was like he had an entire floor to himself except for a guest room, bathroom and a small circular room which was the top of the turret, looking out across the lake.

_So this is Edward Cullen's room, _I thought as I passed the threshold.

Walking into the space was surreal. The wall of windows looked out over what seem to be a drop in the river that flowed into the lake, forming a slight waterfall surrounded by forest. The scenery was nothing but wide open forest and large rolling clouds. It was spectacular. I could imagine the happiness and contentment you could get from waking up to such a view. Having the sight of all that greenery being the first thing to break through the sleep hazed eyesight. The view from my window back home was quaint and showed a pretty picture of nature, but this view was extraordinary, breathtaking.

_I wonder what the sunset's like__,_ I hadn't meant for Edward to hear my contemplative thoughts but he had wound his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder, watching the view with me as if he was trying to see it through my eyes.

"There's no need to wonder, you can come here and watch it anytime you wish." Edward spoke quietly into my ear, and I smiled at the shiver it caused to run down my spine. How could he claim to be unsure of how to act with me, when it was clear he was better at it than he thought?

Another thought struck me as I looked closely at the almost stormy sky.

_Can you even see it, it's so cloudy?_ I thought it would be a shame to miss such a beautiful thing as a sunset just because it couldn't shine through the thick smog of precipitation.

"It isn't often visible but there are times you can see it. I find them all to be the same after all these years. What interests you so much about them?"

I sighed and prepared to answer his question, he'd been waiting long enough.

I _was just curious because I can imagine what it would be like to see the sunset over the shadowed treetops__. __I think it would be quite a sight to see__. That, and the night my parents died there was the most vivid sunset, now I can't help but wonder if they've become a sign. _

I turned from the window and glanced around the rest of the room. Music lined one of his walls as well as an expensive looking modern stereo taking up a large part of the corner. A black leather couch sat in the middle of two book shelves, which were filled with books and journals.

I liked that we had that simple ritual in common because writing a diary had become a great part of my life. I liked that he could understand why it was important for me to do. Many people didn't understand the idea of keeping a diary of daily events but for me a diary was almost necessary. My life had the ability to change so drastically that a diary was the only way for me to keep a straight story of my life in my mind; otherwise I am sure I would have drifted into disillusionment and confusion a long time ago.

When I looked at the pile of Edward's journals I couldn't help the urge that sprang up in me to grab one and skim through the pages.

To just see the inner workings of Edward's mind would be a fascinating thing. The leather bound notebooks lay just a metre or so from my hands, and I couldn't deny the temptation they held. After all, they contained Edward's thoughts, memories and feelings since he was changed. They contained his history. I wanted to know more about him and learn about how things were seen in his vampire mind. We had skipped over such a large span of time that I was certain there would be a lot to catch up on.

I fiddled with my fingers to stop my hand from reaching out to grasp at them. I may have wanted to read them but the logical and sane part reasoned that they were private. Even if we were together, so I could probably read them if I asked, there was part of me that looked forward to learning about who he was now rather than just reading it from a book.

I blew my breath out forcefully as I turned away from the temptation of the journals, only to find Edward staring at me intently.

A girl could get lost in those eyes.

"May I show you something? There's one last room you haven't seen." He took my hand once again and we slowly descended the spiral stairs, our bodies passing in and out of the light come from the large windows.

When we stopped he opened a heavy oak door to reveal an empty room except for a large black grand piano sitting centrally in the circular room. Large windows wrapped around the walls looking out over the lake which was glimmering faintly in the cloudy sunlight. It was idyllic.

My eyes drank in the beautiful instrument sitting centre stage in the room. It felt like my fingers tingled to dance across the ivory keys.

"Do you play?" Edward asked, observing my amorous expression.

"A little." I grinned and practically skipped towards the instrument, placing myself on the bench as if I was settling home.

I tapped the bench and in a flash Edward was sitting beside me.

"Play for me," he whispered in my ear, and placed a cool kiss on my temple.

I gathered my thoughts and played out Clair de Lune, smiling through the tune as I remembered the last time I had played this with Edward beside me. His nine year old self watching happily as I played out my favourite song.

"You play beautifully."

"Thank you...Edward, I wasn't sure quite how to tell you, but now seems as good a time as any." I took a steadying breath.

"What is it, Sarelle?" His eyes looked at me in earnest, filled with curiosity and just a hint of worry. He was obviously just waiting for me to end this happy day and call him a monster before running away forever.

There was part of me that wondered if it was right to tell Edward that I knew his child self. After all, would it be odd for him to realise that I had fallen for him even though I had been like a best friend to him when he was five?

I pushed aside this worry and took the plunge. It was better to wipe out this question of 'what if' when it was still early days in our relationship rather than further down the line.

"I've jumped several times in my life and one of those jumps took me to a park in Chicago, 1905. There I met a little boy who said I looked like an angel, and that little boy soon came to be one of my best friends while I stayed with him and his family." I turned to Edward and placed my hand on his, showing him the image of his human young self sitting beside me on the park bench.

His eyes lit up and bemusement filled his features.

"You knew me? And my parents? You never said anything."

"I wasn't entirely sure how you would take it. I thought you might find it weird that I knew you when you were so young with us being together now."

"You thought it would change how I feel? To know that I have known you nearly all my life, you thought that idea would cause my feelings to just disappear?" He smiled in disbelief as I nodded.

"You silly, adorable girl, and just to clarify you are still an angel to me," He said placing a kiss on my forehead.

"And I'm sure you still look very cute in socks and shorts." I grinned and Edward rolled his eyes.

"Do you have evidence of this socks and shorts combination?" Alice's tinkling voice came from the door, and I turned to see her head peeping round, with Emmett's positioned above.

I giggled and produced a few of the photo's of Edward and his family from my bag.

They fanned out on the piano and within moments the whole family was present looking through the few photos I had. Esme was ecstatic to see the photo of little five year old Edward standing grinning with his parents behind him.

Edward just absorbed everything he could; it was as if the photo's helped to clear up memories that had been blurred or missing. I went to stand next to him after chatting with Alice about the fashions back in that time and what Edward was like as a little boy, including the sweet little things he used to say and his aversion to girls. Emmett seemed to find the last part hilarious, apparently Edward was considered a bit of a prude in the family and so he found it funny that he hadn't been much different when he was younger.

As I stood beside Edward, he reached a hand out to hold mine while he continued to gaze at the pictures of his family.

"I spent my eleventh birthday with you. Elizabeth and Edward gave me my diary and a silver pen to write with. Your mother was an amazing woman, I wanted to be just like her when I grew up and your father taught me a lot about the world. He told me that I had to accept help from people. That no one can make alone. I didn't spend much time with you, only a few months, but you all meant a lot to me, and I loved the time we spent together. In fact, it was because of you that I started to play piano." As I talked Edward's face smiled at the memories running through my head. I could have just told him all this through my thoughts, but I thought it would be nicer to have the whole family know about our history.

"Thank you for this, Sarelle. It's nice having a better memory of them." He gave a slightly sad smile and placed a kiss into my hair.

It was amazing how comfortable he was with me, but I just had to remember that my scent had been in his mind for twenty years now. Certainly now it was stronger to him, but he was more practiced against it, just as Aslo had become through five years with Mary's scent.

"Do I get to hear you play? Since you've heard me, I think it's only fair."

"You haven't offered to play for her, Edward?" Esme asked.

"I got a little distracted," Edward said, laughing a little at the mess of photos on the glossy black piano top. Esme pushed him towards the piano and he pulled me along with him before we both settled on the bench.

He turned and gave me a contemplative look before turning his head to the keys. His fingers flowed swiftly across the ivory, and the room filled with a composition so complex, so luxuriant, it was impossible to believe one set of hands played. I felt my eyes close and my body relax into the sway of the music as it surged in the air around it.

"Do you like it?" As Edward asked me I opened my eyes and saw him not even looking at the keys anymore but still continuing to play the composition. It was unlike any other I had heard, there was so much emotion running through it that it felt as if Edward had opened up his soul and laid it bare in the form of musical notes.

"It's amazing. You always were a natural composer. What was your inspiration?" I smiled as I remembered how he had created his own song for me when he was little, it wasn't a masterpiece but it had been sweet to hear.

"Over the years of watching Esme and Carlisle together, seeing them in love, it just formed a melody in my mind." I nodded in understanding.

The music morphed again. He didn't say a word just started to play a melody so sweet and with so much happy emotion, I could feel my smile lighting up my face. To me music was a universal language and no matter how many foreign dialects a person learns, nothing can translate the meaning of something as well as music- whether the method be lyrics or notes. This was something Edward and I seemed to share a love of. We could submerge ourselves into the world the musician had created, even if it was just for a minute of two.

I played piano for a connection with my past, and Edward played to have a way to truly translate the things within him into something that could be heard and create a clear comprehension of his emotions. Perhaps so he could fully understand his own buried human feelings. We both needed music in our lives to help us through, so it was just another thing that connected us to each other.

I sat quietly as Edward opened the floodgates and poured everything he felt into the keys. Letting the tune not just be played but felt.

It was sweet, happy, light and playful like the song he had played me when we were younger, the resemblance was startling really. However, beneath it there were seductive notes that were hard to ignore once noticed. The music building into a swaying crescendo that seemed so rich and all consuming I couldn't help but sigh at the way it made my heart fill and pound with love, acting like a metronome for the pacing of the song until it ended on a note of the unknown.

An ending that showed the story was yet to be finished. That anything could be possible.

As the final note faded into the silence I looked to see the room was now empty except for just us, and although I enjoyed the company of the rest of the family, I liked that they had given us the privacy of having the room to ourselves.

"That melody has filled my head ever since I awoke to this new life, and with it were always the same hazel eyes looking at me, your eyes." He glanced at me, and I smiled for him to continue.

"When I met you for the first time it all clicked, you were the reason the song played in my head. You were something important to me. I just didn't know what. Now it's all so clear to me."

"I love it."

We sat in companionable silence for a while. It was odd how comfortable I had become in this new situation after just a few short days, but it seemed every to do with vampires was fast, intense and all consuming. It felt like there wasn't even a chance that something could be done in halves. It was all or nothing. Give everything you could or have nothing at all.

"They like you, you know. More than they expected." I gave him a puzzled glance.

"Well, Esme is positively smitten with you already, and Emmett, well you already know how he feels." Edward grinned at me and I giggled at Emmett boisterous nature, it was impossible not to like him even if his size was intimidating at first.

"Alice is thrilled at the idea of having a best friend. Although I'll warn you, she has a penchant for shopping."

"She reminds me a lot of a friend I used to have. She has the same buzz about her. How did she and Jasper meet? They seem complete opposites," I said.

"Alice has visions and when she woke up from her change she was completely alone but she kept having these recurring visions of Jasper and how they would be together. How we would all be together one day."

"Visions, as in of the future?"

"They're not definite, but if a person makes a decision then she can see visions that could occur due to that decision." I nodded weakly. Mary had visions, but if Alice had woken up without anyone, was it possible Aslo had changed her and something had happened to stop him from being with her?

Had she subconsciously blocked the memories because they were too traumatic?

If she had, then even though I was certain I knew who she was, I couldn't dredge up those memories again. If she wanted to start a new life and forget about everything relating to Mary Alice Brandon, then I was not going to be the person to ruin it.

However, it still hurt to know that something had happened to Aslo. That was the only option I could find believable because the idea that he would ever leave her side was implausible. I struggled to force that thought away so I could focus back on Edward's explanation.

"So you can read minds and Alice sees the future. Are these kinds of gifts common in your kind?" Aslo had never had one, or not that I knew of.

"Not highly common, but there are a few that have them. Jasper for instance can feel and manipulate emotions." I nodded in understanding. It fit Jasper's human nature perfectly. He was always so good at making someone feel at ease or understanding how they wanted to be treated.

"Anyway, Alice met Jasper and they have been together ever since, they joined us not long ago. Jasper struggles a little with our choice of diet since he hasn't had as much practice."

"Is that why he's kept his distance?"

"Yes, although that is partly my fault. I warned him to not to get too close, just in case. He just needs to get used to your scent. He is actually very grateful for your presence; he's never felt so much happiness in one day."

"I thought maybe he didn't like me, like Rosalie." I said it quietly because I didn't like the fact that I was talking behind her back. I didn't want to make her anymore mad at me than she already was, although I wasn't entirely sure what her reason was for her dislike for me.

"Rosalie doesn't dislike you as such. She just doesn't like change and the fact your human is a hard thing for her to accept. It has nothing to do with who you are, Sarelle. She'll come around, eventually." I sighed at the patience I would have to have. I knew eventually for a vampire would probably mean a very long time.

A/N: What you think?


	25. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: OKi doki, this is the next chapter. I really wish I could give you all the answers you want (believe me, it's so hard trying not to spill the beans) I can't even give you a hint because it will give everything away. So all I can say is, keep reading and reviewing because I love to read your guesses for what's coming.**

**Happy reading!**

**x**

My old life of voluntary solitude had swiftly been switched for one filled with a sense of family. I still primarily lived in my own house but I had only been in it to sleep for the past few days.

Every night Edward had stayed by my side while I slept, that is once we had spent most the day and night talking about our lives so far and any memories we had of each other. I had made a point of asking Edward not to tell me anything of when we first met because even a hint such as my age would be enough to manipulate my mind into calculating when I would meet him. I didn't want to constantly chase my next meeting with him because it would only cause me to see every other experience to be insignificant. Also, I couldn't hide the fact that if he told me my age then it would place a very real deadline on how long our present relationship could last.

I hated thinking of the end when, as Edward had said, we were only at the beginning. However, it was a tricky thing to do, to ignore the looming fact that this love of ours was limited by time. Each day that passed became another grain of sand to pass through the hourglass; the only problem was that I wasn't sure how fast our time was running out. It could be days, weeks, months, maybe even years. I hoped more than anything that it was years. I could leave him a little more contented if I had spent years with my heart in his hands.

The very idea that it could be mere days was enough to form a lump in my throat so I refused to even think it.

Alice and Esme have fast become my greatest friends, and Carlisle and Emmett are always eager to talk and learn about me. Rosalie and Jasper still kept their distance although Jasper would sometimes offer short sentences to a conversation if he was in a situation to do so.

I glanced over the vast wall of Carlisle's office, covered from floor to ceiling in art and pictures of the finest nature. The eclectic collection was situated amongst a room of honeyed oak panels and light cream walls, creating the perfect setting to amplify the diverse display.

I had been given free reign of the house for a few minutes since Alice was busy organising her latest makeover and the rest (except Carlisle) were out hunting. I couldn't understand how Alice could still find excitement in dressing me up when she had already tried several different styles in a matter of a few days. My body had never been controlled in such a way before, but I liked that it made her happy. She had such a vibrant spirit that I couldn't help but fall for her enthusiasm, just like Mary.

I sighed as I thought of my old friend Aslo. We'd had such an odd start to our friendship but I couldn't show enough gratitude for what he has done for me since, the money, the friendship, the understanding and belief. When I next saw him I was determined to show him some of the thanks he was due.

"Hello, Sarelle. Can I help you with something?" Carlisle stood beside me with interest playing on his face.

It was odd seeing so much of him when I had spent so long wishing to have the chance to be with him one more time.

We hadn't talk too much about the past, our past or the past of his family, but we had certainly slipped back into our easy friendship.

He was still very much the man I had adored as a father back in bustling young London, so I couldn't find any part of me that felt awkward due to the time we've spent apart. It seemed a friendship such as ours could indeed last the test of time.

"I'm just admiring you're art work. It's a wonderful collection. I recognise this place." I pointed to a sketched image of Carlisle's old home and smiled at the memories it held for me.

"Yes, a lot of happy human memories there." Carlisle's voice was sad which conflicted with his words so I took a guess at why.

"Your father was a good man, Carlisle, a little grumpy now and then, but he had a kind heart." I giggled as I remembered how Andrew would chunter on about the various faults of the country or his strong religious beliefs. The discontentment in his eyes was always present but I had learnt you just had to look beyond it. For it seemed he was only bad tempered on his surface, as if he felt he was meant to feel that way.

"He was, and many thought of him with respect, as much as I remember. I just wonder if perhaps I was a disappointment to him." Carlisle's eyes clouded, and I brushed his arm with the same reassuring gesture as he had with me when I was young.

"He felt nothing but pride for you, Carlisle. When you left that night I heard him say a prayer, his voice was saturated with a fathers love for his son. He just wasn't open enough to say it." Carlisle looked down at me with a peaceful smile before placing an arm around me in a fatherly hug. That was, after all, what he was to me, a father figure, or a guardian, so the gesture just felt right and safe.

"Thank you, Sarelle. It's been nice having you here, learning and remembering my past. I used to think my human life was irrelevant, insubstantial. You've shown me otherwise." I smiled up at him before turning back to gaze at the picture of the home we had shared.

"Your human life was anything but irrelevant, Carlisle. It was so much more than worthy because you were important to me. You saved me so never doubt the point of your human existence. You were loved and not many can say that." I beamed as Carlisle gave me a light squeeze and sighed. It was almost as if he was finally dropping the small burden that he had been carrying with him since his change and I felt happy that I had given him something in return for the safety he had given me when we met.

"Has Edward told you about our past as a family?" Carlisle asked and directed my gaze to the wall of images. I hadn't realised they held any more significance than just an artistic luxury.

"Not as such. I know you changed everyone here except Alice and Jasper, but we haven't had a real chance to talk about how he came to be what he is and he hasn't mentioned the past of the others, out of respect I believe."

"That seems fitting with his nature." Carlisle smiled and I knew it was one of love for who he considered to be his first son.

"I believe it is up to Edward to tell you his personal experience, I'm sure he has his reasons for delaying such a discussion, given your past." Carlisle said with laboured emotion but I tried not to focus on the intrigue his comment created, if Edward preferred to wait then I wouldn't push for answers.

"You already know of my own past discounting a few minor details, and as you already know Edward was the first to join me in 1918. Soon after my darling Esme fell into my life, quite literally. She leapt from a cliff and they brought her body to the hospital, presumed already dead. I knew her in an instant for we had already met a few years prior. I guess you could say I loved her in the same moment I saw her." Carlisle's voice held such love and happiness I felt my own face curve into a smile.

"The flying woman," I whispered as the pieces fit together.

I knew I had recognised her vivid caramel hair and now I knew why. I had seen her as she leapt into the unknown and watched as for one magical moment she seemed to soar through the air.

"Excuse me?" Carlisle's eye's sparked with the innate curiosity I had gotten used to seeing.

"There was a jump when I didn't fully materialise but I can remember, so vividly, watching a young woman jump from a cliff. I didn't realise until now that it was Esme," I said as I mumbled through the comment, remembering the memory and allowing it to play out in my head.

"You seem so connected to us all, first me, then Edward, Emmett and Esme." Carlisle smiled with bemusement. It did seem that I was pulled to these people, whatever form they were in.

"Jasper as well and...Rosalie, I think." I winced as I spoke but refused to let Carlisle see it. I didn't want to relive my meeting of Rose.

"Really, astounding!" Carlisle led me over to his desk and sat me down in the leather chair while he paced, forming questions in his mind.

"You knew Jazz?" Alice poked her head around the door and skipped in excitedly as I nodded.

"When was this?" Carlisle asked.

"Wait! Let me ring them, Jazz should hear this." Alice swiftly dialled. Before I could even register the conversation, she was sitting cross legged on the floor in front of me, beaming at the idea of hearing a first person account of Jasper.

The others didn't take long to come home and Edward strode towards me to gather me up in a loving embrace before placing a light kiss on my lips.

"Now you can start the story," he said grinning at me as he arranged me sitting in his lap, facing the family. I was instantly wary of avoiding skin to skin contact, as much as my body ached for him. I couldn't risk him getting even a glimpse of Ashton and his attack in my mind. I didn't want him to be angry that I hadn't told him. There was also the more ashamed part of me that thought maybe he wouldn't want me if he knew what my body had endured. Would he still touch me if he knew another man's hands had been there before him, even if it wasn't in the same loving manner as his own?

"Erm, well firstly I'm sorry I didn't say anything before, but you must understand that this has all been a bit overwhelming." I cleared my throat awkwardly as all seven pairs of golden eyes focussed on me. Even Rosalie looked on in interest thought it was almost disdainful, probably due to the fact that I was the centre of attention (even if it was unwanted).

"I jumped to DeSoto, Texas one day in August 1863. There I stayed in a tavern and it was this tavern that I first met Major Jasper Whitlock." I smiled at Jasper as his eyes flickered with surprise.

"You looked very dashing in your uniform and you were such a charmer. You kissed my hand and said I had a 'purdy little accent'." I grinned and blushed lightly remembering our first meeting. He had been the first person I'd talked to properly since escaping the asylum.

"I have to say ,Jasper, it was quite a potent skill you had. My friend Katelyn was head over heels in love with you. " I giggled slightly at the memory of Katelyn and her rambling ways. She was absolutely smitten with her Major.

"You became a very good friend along with two of your colleagues, one more than the other." I gulped a little as I thought of Ashton, his menacing hazel eyes flashing in my mind. I was glad Edward couldn't read my mind at the moment but my body still gave me away a little. I tried to ignore the curious glances Alice and Edward gave me. He knew something was wrong, he practically knew my every mood so it was clear he would question me later.

"I remember you all used to say these different Texan phrases...let me think...Oh yes this one was a favourite of mine 'hotter than a whore in church on Sunday'" I giggled, and Edward's worried expression cleared ever so slightly as he traced circles on my lower back.

Jasper's face flashed with a smile and it reminded me so much of his old self. I missed the charismatic man I had known.

"You seemed familiar when Edward introduced you, how old were you when you arrived in Texas?" His voice was careful and I noticed that his body was strained, though he seemed in control enough for the others to be unconcerned.

"I was eleven when I arrived and stayed through 'til a few months after my twelfth birthday." My body was reacting to my excitement at finally talking with Jasper and having the knowledge that he actually had some kind of recognition of who I was, well, it was so much more than I expected. My excitement faded when I thought of the other people I had known in DeSoto.

"Did you...Did you make it back to see Katelyn in San Antonio? You escorted us halfway there and promised you would but...well I was just wondering," I mumbled as I thought of Katelyn waiting for her Major to show up, unless she had found a new man to desire.

I saw Jasper steel himself to talk. I wouldn't have minded a gesture of a shake of a head or something like that but I was glad he felt able to talk, given that his control was an issue for him.

"I do not believe I did. I was changed travelling to San Antonio." I nodded sadly. He would have been changed just two days after we said goodbye to him. I knew it shouldn't have been a sad thing for me to think of, for he was standing right before me, but part of me was mourning the man I had known. He seemed so different now that it would have been easy to think he was a completely different person. I think there was also the fact that I had watched him walk away feeling happy he would be happy and when I looked in his eyes I saw there was pain hidden there, deep down. What could he have possibly endured to become the way he was?

"Did you have to wait long until you found Alice?"

"One hundred years, roughly," Jasper said stiffly. I knew my scent effected him a lot more than the others, according to Edward he hadn't had as much practice, only ten years at most. Still Alice was no different and yet she was so much more comfortable around me.

"I was changed in 1920 when I was just about nineteen...I think." Alice smiled weakly at Jasper as she added the last part of her sentence.

"Do you not know anything other than your age?" I asked puzzled. Then again I don't even know my original first name. I felt like I knew Alice well but she had never really talked about her past. She seemed to be the kind of person that lived in the present and future, deciding not to dwell on the past. I liked that about her, along with her bubbly personality, endless enthusiasm and fun loving nature. I had only known her a matter of days but she was already one of the best friends I could have ever imagined having that's why I didn't like seeing the faint solemnity in her amber eyes.

"I didn't know my real name when I work up. No one was there and I just have no memory." Alice's usually bubbly nature seemed to fade slightly when she spoke of her past. No one of Alice's nature should have such melancholy in their soul.

I gazed at her figure one more time; there was something so familiar about her. Everything about her felt comfortable and expected. Was she really Mary but in her vampire form? Would she want to be reminded of her traumatic start in life?

Was it truly better for her to be in the dark than know the brutal truth that her parents had sent her to the asylum due to her gift?

"I'm sorry to hear that, Alice." I murmured and my voice was filled with the sad confusion I felt. I wanted to give her back something of her childhood, but I only know the dark parts of her life. Surely to have nothing was better than knowing that she was abandoned to be harmed and abused by people who used their power to the disadvantage of others. Plus, I didn't want to disrupt her and Jasper by introducing the complication of Aslo. I didn't know what had happened between him and Mary, and I didn't want Alice to be angry at him if he had left her. I couldn't bear to have the first vampire to show me kindness be condemned by others.

"It's fine. Jasper came along and swept me off my feet, I don't need memories of the past when I have the future with him." She beamed at her husband and snuggled herself into his open arms.

I matched her blinding smile when I saw them happy together. Why disrupt that with something that would just upset her?

"I waited one hundred years for her and she's worth every second of it." Jasper said, and I reached my hand to squeeze Edward's.

_I feel the same way about you, even if I haven't waited as long._

His face lit up at my thought and he placed a sweet kiss on my cheek, nuzzling my hair and inhaling my scent deeply.

"Forever and eternity, Sarelle. Forever and Eternity." He whispered in my ear, and I sighed contentedly before snapping me out of the bubble my mind had formed surrounding me and Edward. It was so easy to get lost in his presence and just forget that anything else existed.

"I wish I had something I could give you, Jasper. Something as a reminder but..."

"Sarelle, you have given me more than enough." His eyes glowed with peace and sincerity. Somewhere, deep down, he was still Major Whitlock. I guess you can take the Texan out of Texas but you can never take Texas out of a Texan.

"What is it they say...? The world's population is made up two types of people. Those who have lived in Texas and..."

"Those who want to." Jasper's eyes lit up, twinkling, although his face remained a quiet and restrained smile.

He may never have the ability to truly communicate with me in a comfortable manner but I was happy with what we had now. I didn't have to have more; anything on top of this would be a bonus.

"Seriously, screw Texas. Tennessee is where it's at!" Emmett argued and I laughed shaking my head as the family dissolved into pure comfort. Yet another story had been told and I felt myself slipping further into the family. How would I ever say goodbye?

* * * * *

I gazed out at the velvet sky, seeing it reflected perfectly in the glassy surface of Black Lake. The clouds swirled above, obstructing the sunset from view but for some reason I like that I can't see the extraordinary sight. It was probably an irrational fear but I had been with Edward in his world for two weeks now and each night I felt myself tense at the idea of seeing a sunset. It just seemed that they held a warning or a sign, as if they were the amber light before the green on a traffic light system. I knew that when amber lights up I wouldn't have long before I would be ordered to go and move on from here, so every night I prayed that the clouds filled the sky and all I saw was deep, alluring blues, greys and soft violets.

Edward's nose skimmed my neck as he stood behind me, enveloping my body in his arms and holding me to him in a way that made me wonder if his arms could keep me here indefinitely. Maybe his hold would be strong enough to never let me jump again. It was a silly thought because I knew they wouldn't be. We both knew that, but still he held me to him as if it would make a difference.

"You smell divine, angelic even." He murmured against me skin and I smiled because it is all Alice's doing. She had given me yet another makeover only this time she didn't lather me with lotions and powders. Instead she stripped my body bare down to its natural scent and state. My hair fell in natural waves and my face was fresh with no cosmetics coating my skin. The only sign that she has done anything was the clothes, a frothy white skirt and baby blue blouse that fit into my developing figure perfectly. I hadn't realised quite how much my body had altered since being here in Belmore. I had blushed furiously when Alice ordered me to go underwear shopping with her, though it was for the best.

Edward placed a feather light kiss on my pulse, pausing as usual to feel my blood rush through my veins. Each time he did it I thrilled at the contact, the danger it held. It was like the ultimate risk that I was constantly seeking. I knew every second with him held some kind of danger. It was the basis of our respect for each other. It was why our relationship worked. If I was under the impression that he was just like a normal man then our trust would never be as solid as it was now. Edward wanted me to be fully aware of the risks involved with our relationship and I was. However, he was also fully aware of the fact that I didn't care what risk he posed to me. It changed nothing and never would. I was his completely; no fear of death would ever change that.

I look at his hands entwined with mine on my stomach before twisting to look at his expression, a small smile curved his sculpted lips in a delicious way. I couldn't resist tracing his lower lip with my fingertip, loving the way he parted them in anticipation. I was still so new at being in a relationship, we both were, and I liked that it came naturally.

He turned me and stroked a loving touch across my face, his face showing reverence. It always did and I would forever find it both flattering and unnecessary. How could he think it was unbelievable that I could love him, when the idea of not seemed preposterous?

"You should know by now, Edward, I'm not going to run screaming." I say in reply to his expression. He always seems so amazed that I want to be with him, to touch him, to have him near me.

"You're just not that scary, love." I smirked placing a palm on his cheek. A wicked grin flashed on his face and he directed his eyes to caress my neck with his hungry gaze.

"I am not going to fall for that, Mr Cullen. I don't run scared." I stood my ground as he licked his lips menacingly. I couldn't help the nervous flinch of my body when he flashed from left to right, disorientating me.

"Shame, I love a good chase, Miss St Clair," he whispered in my ear from his new position just behind me.

My breathing had picked up and I wasn't sure if it was from fear or thrill, both were a potent feeling and I thought maybe both were playing in my body now. Making it sing an enticing tune as they ran through my veins.

A low guttural growl rumbled through his chest and I could feel his cool breath making the skin on my neck tingle as I stood stock still, my blood now rushing.

"How long did you think I would be able to resist such a sweet temptation as yourself, Miss St Clair?" He growled and that was all the warning I got.

In a movement so fast that my body couldn't even start to register it, he spun and dipped me so I was completely at his mercy. I was encased in his iron tight grip as he formed a cage around me, supporting my body with his inhuman strength. My whole body was pressed to his, his hand spread wide at the base of my back causing my torso to arch away and stretch my neck out to him.

His head dipped in a flash like movement and I felt his lips drag up the exposed column of skin, causing a shiver to run up my spine.

"You were saying?" he hissed and it tickled against my pulse.

"You're truly terrifying," I said and my voice was breathless with the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I leant my head into his as it stayed at my neck, brushing kisses up the length.

_But I love you anyway, _I thought, and Edward's head lifted to gaze into my eyes a loving smile on his lips until he touched them to mine, holding me recklessly close to him as he did.

When we parted I remembered the thoughts that had plagued me recently, ever since Carlisle sparked my interest in Edward's change. I was so easily distracted when I was around Edward; it was surely some kind of problem.

"Edward, will you tell me how you were changed? I've been waiting for you to tell me but you've never made an attempt to say anything," I said softly, stroking my hands through his thick silky hair.

Edward sighed and righted us, before leading me into his room and snuggling us up on the couch.

"You know when I was changed, Sarelle, 1918, by Carlisle," he purred nuzzling my hair.

"I don't know the details." I was trying to hold firm, he had already distracted me off this topic enough times with his seductive ways. Not this time. I would not fall prisoner to his penetrative gaze.

"Maybe not, but you know the basics. I think the details should be told another time for you now smell far too delicious for talking." As he spoke I could feel my mind slipping, hypnotised by that damn velvet voice.

_Bad vampire. Details. Now, please._ My mind thought in a forceful, if not mumbled, manner, causing Edward to chuckle against the sensitive spot just behind my ear.

"I just don't want you to be sad about the circumstances." His arm held me to him as we lounged on the luxurious black leather, gazing out at the stormy darkening sky.

"I'd like to know, even if it might upset me." I rested my head on his chest as his fingers played in my hair.

He sighed in defeat and I felt my body fill with elation; finally I had won against his dazzling ways. Surely that was quite an achievement.

"In Chicago there was an epidemic of what they now call Spanish Influenza. It affected a lot of people and killed quickly." My elation swept away as I gasped when I thought of the panic it must have caused.

"My family and I weren't immune, Sarelle." His words shocked right through me, and I felt my throat constrict almost instantly along with the tears starting to pool in my eyes.

"Elizabeth and Edward?" I choked out, the memories of their happy smiling faces drifting through my mind. They would have been so young, only in their mid thirties maybe forties. That was too young for them to die.

"My father died first, it was quick from what Carlisle has told me. My mother tried caring for him but she made herself ill. When I caught the disease she did the same but it took the life out of her. She died an hour or two before Carlisle changed me. He says she looked so peaceful, serene." The tears were falling in torrents down my cheeks as I thought of the people I had loved, passing away in a time of fear, panic and despair. They had been such strong people and to think of them weakening to a point of death was a horrible idea. The thought of Elizabeth and her vibrancy for life, which would have been sucked from her, having to watch both her husband and son disintegrate before her eyes.

"I never got to say goodbye." I sniffled and Edward's sorrowful eyes cast over my face as he stroked my hair in comfort.

"You did, Sarelle. I promise you that." His words were cryptic and I sat up in flash studying his expression. He knew so much more than he had told me, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to know or not.

"How can you know, Edward? I...I don't understand," I mumbled as I tried to get my head around his words. His eyes had such sadness in their depths and I knew why. He knew my age when we would next meet, and he knew it wouldn't be a simple journey for either of us.

"Sarelle, you told me not to tell you about your future, but I promise you that they knew how much you cared for them." I shook my head slowly as I cleared my baffled thoughts.

The shock of Elizabeth and Edward's death occupied one part of my mind but the other was stunned by the fact that I would see them again. I didn't know when or what would happen when I saw them but Edward said that I would have my chance to say goodbye and that was enough to make me come to terms with their deaths. However, if I got my chance to see them again, did that mean I would see Edward again? Would I be a part of his human life, more than just a childhood friend?

I couldn't deny that I liked the idea of seeing him human again, but neither could I understand if it would be a good thing. In order for my ability to stay hidden from his human self I would have to be at least five years older than him, so if he died aged seventeen... I would have to be twenty-two. Twenty-two, that was eight years in the future.

I felt a timid smile creep on my lips. Eight years, that was so much more than I thought I would have with him. Eight years would be enough, not perfect, but enough.

**A/N: Tell me what you're thinking.**

**x**


	26. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: OK so this is as fluffy as this story is going to get (I think), I hope you like reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

The lively tunes of 'Hound dog' played through the air as Alice buzzed happily around me. Edward was taking me out tonight for our first official date in town for Valentine's Day. We hadn't exactly been on dates but perhaps that was because we were already so far past dating. As soon as Alice found out she had bombarded me with her enthusiasm to play stylist. She had already cleaned, buffed, rinsed, polished and powdered me until my skin felt silky smooth and smelt of a heavenly mix of Jasmine and honeysuckle. Now I was blissfully situated in her dusky pink velvet vanity chair while she straightened out my waves with a hairdryer.

I wasn't sure how long my hair would stay in its sleek state before it stubbornly went back into waves, but I hoped it would last the night.

"Has Edward told you where he's taking you yet?" Alice asked as she gathered my chest length hair and fixed it in a high ponytail, leaving tendrils to sweep my face with my side swept bangs.

"Not yet, but I'm sure you already know." I grinned at Alice in the mirror and her eyes twinkled with mischief.

"Maybe." She winked and spun me to face her, my hair fanning out as she did.

"But you're not going to tell me are you?" I lifted my eyes to the ceiling as she layered on long sweeps of mascara.

"Nope." She popped the 'p' and gave me an innocent smile as she moved onto dabbing rosy pink lipstick on my lips.

"I thought best friends told each other everything." I pouted in the same way she often did when she wanted something, but she only giggled and bounced into her vast closet.

I had never known anyone to have such a thirst for shopping as Alice did. Her wardrobe was in a constant state of change. In fact, I doubted clothes stayed in there for more than a week at a time.

"That is true... But Edward has sworn me to secrecy. My favourite boots are in danger if I spill the beans." Alice stared longingly at her patent black leather boots with the stiletto heels. I couldn't believe how she could walk in them but then again she was a vampire, and an extremely graceful one at that.

"We certainly can't sacrifice the boots."Alice giggled in agreement and with a flourished movement she produced my outfit for the evening.

It was a dark blue poodle skirt that would swing around my knees and a fitted white silk blouse. When I slipped them over my body and stood in the mirror it was hard not to smile. The skirt nipped in at my petite waist and the blouse, although modest, hinted at my developing cleavage, giving me an hourglass figure I hadn't realised I had.

"Are you doing anything with Jasper tonight? It is Valentine's Day, after all." I asked Alice as I shimmied into my outfit.

"We're going to a little cottage we own up in the mountains." Alice's face was animated with the anticipation of her time alone with her husband.

"Hunting?" I quirked an eyebrow because being in this house so much gave one more than just an insight into the world of 'intimate relations.' It didn't bother me as such but it had been a shock at first. It was certainly a little awkward at first when Edward had been beside me; we had quickly escaped to my little home.

"Yes hunting and other activities." Alice smirked at me.

"Oh yes, 'other activities' ...like hiking." I smirked back, raising an eyebrow playfully.

"Of course, hiking, lots of hiking." Alice and I dissolved into giggles just as I imagined all teenagers girls did when they talked about their relationships. It was what I loved about Alice. She was so human and due to her resemblance of Mary I had slipped into an easy friendship with her.

I zipped up the skirt once I had tucked in my shirt. I twirled and grinned at how the skirt swirled up in the air, revealing the thick layered white fabric beneath.

"What can I say? I am a fashion genius." Alice zipped around me, making sure everything was up to her high fashion standards.

"Alice Cullen, world class fashionista." I said as she undid one more button on my blouse to show off my locket.

"Now quick, quick. You're supposed to meet Edward downstairs in a two minutes." Alice held out my little white ankle socks and flat navy shoes.

No sooner had I slipped them onto my feet than I raced down the stairs.

There he was, standing waiting for me, at the bottom of the stairs.

Dressed in a slick grey suit with a white shirt and black tie, he looked divine but it was his glimmering eyes and crooked smile that made my smile widen and butterflies flutter in my stomach.

"Hey," I said as I practically bounced towards him in excitement, my hair swinging as I walked.

"You look beautiful. The fifties certainly suit you." He wrapped his arm around my small waist and placed a light kiss on my blushing cheek.

"You don't look so bad yourself." I grinned and he chuckled in response.

"You both look so cute," Esme cooed and Edward rolled his eyes playfully as I chuckled before we turned to see Esme poised with both my camera and her own. She wasn't going to let any moment of our relationship slip by undocumented.

Edward's arm pulled me a little closer to him and I curled my body around his side, resting my hand on his chest as we stood together. Esme snapped away as if it could all disappear in a moment which I guess wasn't too far from the truth, but I wasn't going to think about that now.

"You better have her back by midnight, Eddie. I don't want you corrupting my lil sis," Emmett boomed and I felt my face split into a bright smile. I had always wanted to be part of a family and even thought they were just two little words, they meant a lot to me. Still, I felt Edward tense next to me when Emmett used his nickname.

"Emmett, I'll be going back home so how will you know when we get back? Unless you plan on playing Peeping Tom, which I'm not sure Rosalie would be best pleased at." I smirked at Emmett and he grinned back, flashing his dimples as always.

"Fine then, no hanky-panky. She's a young lady remember, Eddie." Emmett winked at me and I blushed at his comment. He was exactly like the older brother I never had. I could understand why Kelsey adored him so much. It was impossible not to.

"Have fun you two." Carlisle smiled, giving Edward a nod in silent conversation. It was something that I had started to recognise but I didn't intrude on what they discussed.

"Enjoy Valentine's Day" Carlisle said, pride shining in his eyes and I saw my father's smiling eyes reflected in his own for a brief moment. The thought of my father made me touch my locket lightly in memory, running my fingertips over the engraved surface.

I waved at the rest of the family as we left the front door. They all seemed happy, maybe even excited, except Rosalie who as usual just seemed bored with my presence in the family.

The evening air was crisp but not too cold. Edward's hand was held firmly in mine as he led me around to the garage.

I had never been inside since Edward usually took me running everywhere instead of driving, the reason being that we rarely ventured into town because we had no need to. Esme bought groceries and kept them at their house because that was where I spent most of my time. I only ever slept in my own home then Edward would wait for me to wake up and get dressed, and then he'd run with me over to his house for breakfast.

It was probably a strange existence for some people but it was an unspoken understanding in mine and Edward's relationship that we spend as much time as possible together. It didn't seem stifling or claustrophobic, just right.

Edward opened the garage door and revealed an immaculate graphite grey sports car. It was beautiful, even to me who had no idea what defined a car as aesthetically pleasing.

I felt my mouth drop and Edward chuckled as he opened the passenger door for me.

"Do you like it?" He asked a twinkle in his eye.

"It's sublime, what make is it?" I didn't really know much about cars; in fact I had only ever rode buses when I was in Florida.

"Mercedes-Benz 300SL." Edward grinned as he got into his own black leather seat beside me. Even the inside of the car was impeccable to look at. Soft black leather seats, polished wooden dashboard.

"It must have been expensive," I said as I stroked the interior.

"Money isn't really an object for us, and I love to drive fast." As soon as he finished talking he revved the engine to make it growl with raw mechanical power.

I gasped and laughed slightly as I felt the engine rumbling through the frame. Edward just turned to me, winked, and hit the gas.

I loved the speed that we travelled at. The way the scenery blurred past us made adrenaline slowly pulse into my system. Some would complain at missing the views of the surrounding area but to me the blurring of all the greenery created interesting patterns. I glanced at Edward and his face held the same excited smile as when he was running, completely carefree and relaxed.

I reached my hand over the glove compartment and stroked loving circles on the top of his hand as it sat on the gearstick.

_Can it go any faster?_ I questioned him through my thoughts, as I knew he could hear me now we ha skin to skin contact.

"You want to go faster?" Edward smirked at me and I nodded, excitement building in my veins.

He didn't waste much time in pressing his foot to the floor and causing the car to roar and surge forward, eating up the tarmac road in front of us as it raced towards the lights of Olympia.

The car ride only lasted a few minutes due to Edward speeding. When we eventually arrived Edward drove the car into a drive-in movie, straight into the prime spot where a man had been waiting.

"Thank you, Robert," he said as he gave the gangly teenager a large tip, obviously for saving the space in the busy drive in.

I marvelled at the large screen in front of us and the masses of cars surrounding ours, of course Edward had paid for each of the bays surrounding our own so they were empty and off guards.

I chuckled as Edward took the top down off the car and shifted the glove compartment so we could snuggle up together.

"What do you think?" He turned to me, kissing my hand as I gazed around the scene in excitement. I had never been to a drive-in, or even a cinema. In fact now that I thought I had never really seen a film, not even in the future.

"I love it, absolutely love it. What film are we seeing?" I asked as I moved to cuddling into Edward's arms.

"_Casablanca, _it's supposed to one of the best films of its time." Edward wound his arms around me as the screen started to play the film, the numbers counting down before the speakers blared the starting tune.

* * * * *

I stayed in Edward's arms during the film and munched my way through the popcorn, hot dog and soda he bought at half time. The whole drive-through was filled with teenagers, all similar ages to us. It was nice that we could act like normal people, just two ordinary teenagers on a date.

It was a heartbreaking story and Edward laughed at my silly tears when Ilsa claimed to love Rick only for it all to just be a lie. Apparently he found it humorous that I could be so strong at times of sadness, and yet I could also get all teary eyed when watching a film.

I giggled when I looked around the other cars and saw all the boys trying on their moves with their girlfriends, some with success and others having to sit sour faced and rejected.

Edward and I just sat in comfortable companionship, although now and then he would groan at the activities of some of our neighbours, especially around the more romantic scenes in the film when the girls seemed to soften to the boy's intentions.

When the film came to an end, and the screen went black, I placed a kiss on Edward's cheek.

"Thank you, it was a wonderful film."

"You're more than welcome, but the night's not over yet." Edward got out and opened my door, extending his hand to me like the gentleman he always was.

Music started to play from the speakers and teenagers hurried from their cars towards the space in front of the screen. It was only a small patch of tarmac but as the latest fifties tunes played out if became a dance floor, filled with people jiving to the music.

"Edward, I don't know how to dance to this kind of music." I blushed and grinned as he towed me onto the centre. His eyes were twinkling at his fun. I had never seen him as carefree as he was now, even though he was surrounded by people and his thirst must have been raging.

"It's easy. Just move to the rhythm." He took both my hands and he was right, as soon as he started to move I found it easy to follow. I picked up the steps quickly and as the music played I felt my initial nerves just drift away.

We dipped and spun in time. Edward even did a few lifts, laughing at my happy squeals.

As we danced I caught the ogling eyes of the other girls watching Edward with envious expressions. It didn't make me uncomfortable because his eyes never left me and all I could feel was happiness that he was mine.

Eventually, the songs slowed in pace and Edward twirled me into his arms.

"I told you, easy." He grinned, bringing his hand to rest on my waist while my head lay on his chest, registering the silence.

"I should know by now to never doubt you." I smiled up at him as we swayed gently to 'Fly Me to the Moon.'

"I like this song," I sighed as the magical lyrics flowed over the quiet bustle of the drive in.

"Frank Sinatra certainly has a certain appeal." Edward spun me, weaving us through the crowd as we talked. The sky was surprisingly clear above us, and since the lights had been turned down for the movie, you could see the stars twinkling in the ebony sky.

"Do you like this modern music, or do you prefer the works from our time?" I asked since Edward seemed to have such a love of music I wondered if his tastes had moved with the times just as mine had.

"The classical works of our time are still my favourites but there are some great songwriters around. I like this newer style, rock and roll. It's nice to have something livelier. Makes dancing a lot more fun." His eyes shone with his enjoyment and he dipped me in time with the chorus.

"What about you?" he asked his head tilting slightly to the side.

"The classics remind me of home, but as you said, there is some great music in the world. I have to say that music in the future really opened my eyes. The lyrics held so much emotion. If someone asked me to choose between eras I don't know if I could." I smiled as I thought of all the hours I spent going through the music store's collection in Florida.

"Did you have a favourite band, or song?" Edward asked as he rummaged through the many thoughts I had on music of the future.

I settled my mind on one that now seemed so apt.

_With or without you, by U2_, I thought and Edward nodded, focussing as I recalled the song in my head.

_Through the storm we reach the shore  
You give it all but I want more  
And I'm waiting for you_

With or without you  
With or without you  
I can't live  
With or without you

As the song played out in my mind, Edward slowly stopped us from dancing and brought his hands up to cup my face.

I could see in his eyes that he saw the hidden meaning in my song choice. It was the perfect selection given that a time would come when we would be without each other in the physical sense but emotionally never apart.

His thumb pads passed over my cheeks and I felt as if every atom in my body was singing with happiness because I was looking into his eyes and seeing nothing but love.

"Wait here, I'll be right back." He was gone before I even had time to agree so I stood surrounded by dancing couples, fiddling with the chain on my locket as I waited.

After mere seconds I gasped at the soft sound of my song being played over the speakers, the same song Edward had composed just for me. I searched the crowded drive in with my eyes, trying to find him as the first light and soft notes played out. Then I saw him, striding towards me with a bright smile on his face, parting the small crowd as if it were the red sea. His eyes were fixed on me as they burned with passion and I felt my face shine with joy as my heart pounded. Only for him, every heartbeat for him.

It seemed like forever but finally he was standing before me, grasping my hands in his as my song started to rise to its crescendo.

"Sarelle St Clair," he said as he slowly bent down onto one knee.

I felt my legs go weak with surprise and my eyes widened as he looked up at me from his new position. His golden eyes gazing up through his long eyelashes, soft but somehow still scorching.

"I love you and I promise to love for every day of my existence. Will you make me the happiest man alive and wear my ring ...as my girlfriend?" He produced a black velvet box and flipped the lid to reveal a simple silver band.

My heart was hammering against my ribcage and my legs were like jelly but none of this was from uncertainty or nerves. It was from the feeling of absolute rightness that this moment held. It rang through my bones and caused butterflies to flutter in my stomach.

A gulp passed down my throat as my song came to an end.

Silence hung in the air and I was well aware of the small audience that had formed to watch.

I subconsciously touched my locket and then, I nodded.

"Yes, a thousand times yes." It may not have been a proposal but I loved that he went to such lengths just to give me something that made our relationship official.

"Thank you," he said and stood almost instantly, his face beaming.

He held out the ring, shining it in the light.

"I had it engraved. See..." I turned the ring and I saw the inscription perfectly inside.

'_You are my Angel, Forever and Eternity'_

"It's beautiful." He took my left hand and slid the ring onto my engagement finger, though I was certain it was only an eternity ring. Once it was in its place he kissed each of my fingertips before placing a kiss over the ring that was now mine and signified everything we meant to each other. For Forever and Eternity.

"A perfect fit," he said, his strong emotions burned barely concealed under his casual tone. I stared up at his face. It was there in his eyes, too, visible despite the careful nonchalance of his expression. I knew this was only an eternity ring but there was something that seemed to signal that it meant so much more in Edward's eyes.

"You like this, don't you, having your ring on my finger?" I asked, wiggling my fingers in front of him, trying to gauge his reaction.

"It looks very nice on you." He said still casual.

I stared into his eyes, trying to decipher the emotion that smouldered just under the surface. He gazed back, and the casual pretence suddenly slipped away. He was glowing- his angel's face brilliant with joy. He was so glorious that it stunned me to my core.

Before I could catch my thoughts, he was kissing me, his lips exultant. I was ecstatic when he moved his lips to my ear to whisper – his breathing ragged with his elation.

"Yes, I like it. You have no idea."

"Trust me, I believe you." I giggled as he chuckled before resting his forehead on mine.

"Edward, is this... I mean this isn't an engagement ring, is it?" The words stuck in my throat because I didn't want to hurt his feelings when he was so happy.

His eyes opened and lifted to gaze at mine.

He seemed to read my emotions as if he had Jasper's gift himself, or maybe they were just obvious in my voice and expression.

"No, it's not an engagement ring, but that doesn't mean it represents a lesser emotion. I wanted to give you something that showed you I was yours, for as long as you want me." His fingertips traced the silver band and a small smile played on his lips while his eyes still hadn't lost their fire.

_I'll always want you, Edward._

A yawn escaped and I tried to stifle it by placing my hand over my mouth. It was a futile attempt to postpone this night from ever ending

"Come on, love." He walked me back to the car and opened my door, easing me into my seat.

I flopped into the leather seat as weariness slipped over me.

The car ride back was a blur as I watched the darkness slip passed us but eventually we were standing at my front door.

"I would invite you in but I'm a lady and inviting a man in after a first date is not very proper." I smiled coyly as Edward chuckled nodding.

"So, thank you for a wonderful Valentine's date, Edward. Goodnight" I said as I hovered by my door.

"Goodnight, Sarelle." He dipped his head and placed a kiss in my hand.

I turned and shut the door, heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

I sighed as I smelt the homely fragrance of wood and stone while I glanced in the mirror.

I carried out my usual bedtime routine and wandered sleepily towards my bedroom.

As I opened the door I gasped at the sight of Edward stretched out on my bed. His jacket removed and a few shirt buttons undone to reveal his sculpted body. He was a vision of relaxation and beauty.

"Edward Cullen, you sneaky vampire." I scolded playfully as I skipped towards him, my pale pink nightgown fluttering just above my knees.

Edward chuckled as I plopped onto the bed, cuddling up to him above the covers.

"Well, I didn't come in through the front door. So you technically didn't invite me in." His eyes twinkled and I placed a smiling kiss on the spot just behind his ear, causing him to sigh contentedly.

"Sleep, my Angel." He arranged the covers over me and I could find no part of me that could complain at his bossy actions.

"Goodnight, Edward." I sighed as I felt his body curl around mine, his chest pressed to my back.

"Goodnight, Sarelle."

**A/N: Review? Maybe? Please.**


	27. Chapter 26

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Thank you so much to the people who reviewed the last chapter, YOU ARE AWESOME because you got this story to hit the 100 reviews mark. Basically, to everyone who has read this story, you're the reason this one got written so quickly :D**

**The last few chapters have been out every few days since I've had loads of free time to get them written. Unfortunately, I'm back to working full time so we'll just have to see how the updates go. Keep reviewing because your thoughts are the perfect motivation.**

**Happy reading!**

**x**

The sun was bright outside the window when I woke, with small clouds scuttling across the sky. They were gathering to dominant the blue sky and I sighed that yet another day would go by when the sun wouldn't grace my face. I didn't mind the mild cloudy weather; it seemed to match the mild contentment that filled me in recent days, ever since Edward became a solid part of my life.

I sighed as I woke up properly and rolled to rest my head on Edward's barely covered chest.

"Morning," I said as he smiled down at me, his eyes casting over the glinting platinum band.

"Good morning." He ran his fingertips over the simple band and I nuzzled his bare chest as my happiness bubbled to the surface. The memories of last night were racing through my mind, and I felt a joyous blush coating my cheeks.

"I'm glad you enjoyed last night as much as me," Edward said in response to the memories running in a stream through my head.

"You should probably get dressed. Alice called before you woke up. She's taking you shopping."

I scurried out of bed and rushed to get ready. Alice rarely had enough patience to wait long.

Edward left me to get dressed in peace, making me some breakfast in the kitchen instead.

Once I was wearing my simple outfit of a red blouse, navy poodle skirt and white pumps, I dashed into the kitchen and wrapped my arms around Edward's waist as he stood at the counter.

"So what are your plans for the day?" I asked as Edward directed me to the table, placing my jam and toast in front of me.

"Hunting. I believe you girls are going to gossip and shop while we boys are away."

"Is _have fun_ the right sentiment for such an occasion?" I asked smiling as I bit down into the blackberry jam covered toast.

"I believe it is. We'll only be gone for the weekend." I nodded as I chewed and Edward's eyes watched me intently as if eating was some kind of fascination for him, perhaps it was because it was another human thing he could no longer experience like sleep.

"Do you have a favourite? Animal that is." Edwards face looked affronted as if the subject wasn't one he cared to discuss. I instantly felt awkward for asking and managed to drip sticky jam down the corner of my mouth.

Edward leant forward and caught the drip before it dropped onto the table, capturing it on his finger.

"Discussing my diet doesn't bother you?" He asked as finished tracing the sticky jam trail left on the side of my lips.

I was too enraptured by his actions to think clearly but I shook my head anyway.

"Well then, to satisfy your curiosity my favourite is mountain lion." He stared into my eyes and offered his finger up, the jam glistening on his fingertip as an almost bloody contrast to his pale skin.

Tentatively, I reached forward and sucked the jam from his finger in a way that made me blush with the connotations.

I had been born into a more formal time but my ability had caused me to grow up with a much less sheltered outlook on life than the prim and proper Edwardian ways. However, I was still surprised by Edward's behaviour. Our relationship, although intimate, had never stepped into the realms of pure passion. Not yet. I knew it would be a step that could not be taken lightly. Not for our morals or safety sake. Edward was still very much a gentleman so I couldn't imagine that he would want such a step to be taken until we were older and much more ready.

Still this simple act had the same effect on both of us. Our eyes were locked and seeping with desire. Our lips were parted, giving way to our slightly heavier breath.

We both knew the sensual nature behind it and although something resembling wanting stirred in Edward's eyes, he swiftly pulled his finger away once I had released it. His face flickered with something close to a sheepish expression although I doubted it was truly shame he felt. Our minds had grown up in the same era and so we held the same values, however mine had been bent and altered through my obscure life so far. Edward's hadn't. He still held the mindset of an Edwardian gentleman and I loved him for it. However, there was something in his expression and behaviour around me that showed he had grown and changed during the eras he had experienced. He was still a gentleman but it seemed his mind wasn't restricted by past expectations or morals anymore. That was something that made my mind stir with passion, dangerous passion that I knew I had to restrain unless I wanted to invite reckless danger into our relationship.

"So... will Rosalie be home this weekend?" Edward nodded in response, his eyes settling from what had just transpired. I grimaced as I thought of the tension that would be between Rosalie and I. She hadn't grown any fonder of me in the past weeks, in fact I thought her dislike and agitation concerning my presence had grown exponentially.

"It will be fine, Sarelle. She won't bother you." I wasn't sure if this was necessarily the better option. I didn't want to avoid Rosalie for the rest of the time I was with Edward. I wanted her to just accept me and at least try and be civil.

I finished my breakfast and soon after Alice burst through the door with Esme smiling behind her.

"I tried telling her to be patient and knock but she appears to have no knowledge of such a quality." Esme smiled at Alice with maternal affection coating her amber gaze. She was such a soft loving woman that, although she bared no resemblance to my mother, I felt myself looking upon her in the same manner as I had with my parents. She and Carlisle made me feel welcome, loved, and safe, just as my parents had before they died.

"I have no time for patience." Alice sighed as she examined my outfit.

"I'm not changing, Alice." She pouted but I just chuckled and went to clean my bowl at the sink only to find Edward had already done so.

"Thank you." I said smiling at my Mr Domestic.

"Edward, you need to disappear, you're encroaching on girl time." Alice opened the front door, pulling Edward out as I followed, grinning at her eager behaviour. She was always so excited to try something new or buy something new. Today would be both since it would be the first time she had been to Belmore; usually she preferred the more bustling shops of Olympia or Seattle.

"Have fun. I'll see you in a few days." Edward said before leaning in to place a kiss on my forehead.

"I'm leaving my heart with you, keep it safe," he whispered and I smiled at the romance.

"I love you, now go catch a lion." I giggled and he was gone in seconds. Just the scattering of leaves signalled he had been past them.

"Is Rosalie coming?" I asked as I shut the door behind me and we started the short walk into Belmore.

"She's doing some work on her car; she's very keen on that kind of mechanical stuff." Alice answered, but I saw the small glance she cast at Esme. It was just an excuse and although I appreciated the attempt to spare my feelings there was little point in hiding the fact Rosalie disliked me.

"She didn't want to come, did she?" I looked down at my feet as we wandered on the hardened mud path.

"She'll come around soon, sweetie. She's just having a hard time with the change to the family." Esme gave me a reassuring glance and I smiled weakly. If Rosalie needed time to adjust then I would tried my best to be patient, the only issue was that time was something I wasn't sure I had.

"It is all going to be fine, Sarelle. Now come on I'm in desperate need of retail therapy." Alice grinned and linked my arm firmly; her eyes focussed towards the sight of the towns buildings.

*** * * * ***

We wandered around town for most the morning. Alice's enthusiasm and excitement of exploring the small town caused us to cover more ground than I had in all my sixteen months of being here. We talked comfortably as friends and family did as we walked, nothing of importance but nothing boring either.

Alice was in her element when she found a small boutique nestled in the winding alleys on the south side of town- _'L'amour, La Mode.'_ It was filled with the latest works of Chanel, Dior, and Balenciaga. The fabrics were rich and luxuriant as they hung in beautiful arrangements, flowing elegantly from delicate silver hangers. The painted pastel walls reflected the warm white glow from the crystal chandelier, which hung in the centre of the ceiling. The lighting enhanced the beauty of the garments, and although I had never been a huge follower of fashion I found myself attracted to the beautiful pieces. Like a magpie attracted to sparkling objects.

I didn't quite join Alice in her rapid clothes hunting but I did saunter through the shop, gazing at the overly expensive clothes. Esme showed the same appreciation as me and we laughed about Alice energy while she dashed in front of us. The pile of clothes on her arm built until it was nearly impossible to see her beneath the fabrics. Of course, not all of them were for her. She took great pleasure in sending me into the changing room while she tossed countless numbers of outfits in for me to try on. Some were beyond beautiful and caught my attention instantly whilst others just weren't my style.

In the end I came away with a few more garments. A beaded cream cardigan, pale pink silk dress that tickled my knees and fitted my torso, as well as a forest green chiffon and cotton blouse that sat well with my colouring.

I knew they would go well with the clothes I had from Florida and I even found myself thinking up outfit ideas at how I could mix and match the clothes I had gathered from different eras.

It was to be mine and Alice's project tonight when we got home. We were going to alter the old clothes I had at home so that they would fit me now. I knew there were certain items that wouldn't fit no matter how much we tried, but it would be a fun way to spend the evening.

We were currently making our way to the bakery since I hadn't had any lunch and it was nearing two o'clock in the afternoon. My stomach had grumbled loudly during our trip to the haberdashery where Alice was buying supplies for our fashion onslaught tonight. She loaded up with buttons, ribbons, threads and other accessories so she could, in her words, transform my wardrobe.

The bell above the door tinkled as we entered the bakery, and I smiled as I saw Clara busy kneading the bread dough at the back of the shop.

No sooner had we entered the shop than I heard scurrying footsteps and childlike giggles racing towards me.

"SARELLE!" Annabelle launched herself at me and I pick her up, swinging her around as she laughed. Her face was powdered with doughnut sugar and her hair was bouncing in golden pigtails.

I huffed slightly under her weight, she must have been five by now and her body had grown rapidly. I placed her back on the ground and she went back to sucking the sugar off her fingers, her rosy cheeks glowing with her smile.

"Annabelle, these are my friends. Esme and Alice Cullen." I introduced them and Annabelle waved shyly with one hand as the other stayed wedged in the mouth.

"Hello, Annabelle." Esme cooed and I saw her face melt at the sight of the small child. Carlisle had never explained why she jumped but now as I looked into her eyes I had a feeling it had something to do with her strong maternal instinct.

"I like your shoes." Annabelle said to Alice as she ogled Alice's heeled lavender shoes. They weren't the typical shoes that women wore. Most had more sensible brown or black court shoes, but of course Alice resented having to conform to such an ordinary choice. Her outfit was a stunning combination of a dark purple knee-length dress and grey pinned hat with a lavender bow.

"Thank you, Annabelle." Alice grinned and the child giggled before her face dazed over a little.

I saw Clara approaching us from the back of the shop, wiping her floured hands on her apron.

"Afternoon, Sarelle, we haven't seen you in a while." Her voice held a hint of curiosity and when she spied Alice and Esme I thought I heard wariness lace the words. I knew it was an instinctive reaction for humans to be wary of the Cullens, but it was odd seeing it in practice. I had never had any real aversion to them, even when Edward was bearing down on me with his obsidian eyes. Then again, I had more experience with vampires than most.

"Yes, I haven't really been into town. Clara, this is Esme Cullen, Dr Cullen's wife and Alice his daughter." Clara looked between the two vampires, registering their stunning beauty and inhuman air. She glanced at me and I locked my eyes with hers, silently reassuring her there was no reason for her unease. It seemed my unusual ability hadn't faded due to lack of use because her eyes softened slightly and unfocussed before they cleared back to normal.

I didn't know if I would ever understand my small gift that seemed to effect how people were around me, but then again I didn't use it often, if at all, so perhaps understanding wasn't really needed.

"It's nice to meet you. I hear your husband is a marvellous doctor," Clara said politely, a small smile on her face as she gazed at Esme.

"Thank you, he adores the practice here. He's very passionate about his work." Esme smiled lovingly as she thought of Carlisle, pride dripping off her tongue. I smiled internally as I thought of what a perfect couple they were, Carlisle's compassion and Esme's immense love made them a couple that was impossible not to like.

"Clara, could I maybe have a cheese baguette? I've had quite a craving for one," I asked and Clara snapped out of staring at Esme and Alice, reaching under the glass counter for the baguette I had often ordered when I used to visit more regularly.

I missed the fact I hadn't been in town more often. I had seemed to drop everything about my previous life when I met Edward and the Cullens. Even my visits to the library had been irregular and rare. Carlisle had so many books in his office that I had found more than enough reading material there to fulfil my thirst for learning and imagination. Although I had reread several of my favourites: Jane Austen, The Bronte sisters, Oscar Wilde and Shakespeare.

I handed my money over the counter as Clara gave me the baguette but she gasped and clutched my hand before I could retract it.

"What is this, Sarelle? Are you engaged?" She studied the silver band on my engagement finger, and I blushed furiously.

"No, no, Clara, it's just a gift from Edward, my ...boyfriend." I glanced back at Esme and Alice who were beaming. It was odd calling Edward my 'boyfriend'; he seemed to be so much more than that. The word just seemed too temporary, too transient, for it to apply to our relationship.

"My brother is smitten, it's very sweet," Alice said hugging my side as we all looked at the ring shining on my finger.

"So that's why you haven't been wandering around, you've got yourself a man." Clara's eyes twinkled as she teased me and I giggled as I nodded. I had never thought of myself as one of the girls that swooned and blushed whenever they spoke of their love but it seemed I was wrong.

Edward's glorious expression from our date ran through my mind, the moment when he placed the ring on my finger and his love swam in his eyes. It was almost too much to take like the passion he exuded would make my heart explode with the joy it created.

"Well would you look at that face, it's obviously true love." Clara's eyes looked truly happy for me and I touched my fingertips to my lips, feeling the bright smile on my face.

"It certainly is." Esme said, her hand rested on my shoulder, and I looked into her eyes to see the calm motherly pride shining through the amber irises.

"So will we be expecting a wedding anytime soon?" Clara asked and I gasped in surprise.

"Clara, I'm only fifteen." I giggled trying to make light of the conversation when really my mind was whirring underneath. I loved Edward. I wanted Edward forever, but fifteen seemed so young to marry, at least legally. That's not to say that I wouldn't marry him if he asked. I knew if I had grown up in my birth time then it wouldn't be odd for me to be thinking of getting married when I was still young but even then it would be around seventeen or eighteen. Fifteen just seemed so young. Then again, was I ever going to love someone else?

I doubted it. I couldn't imagine a life without Edward in it and I certainly couldn't imagine my heart ever belonging to someone else.

However, none of this really mattered because Edward hadn't asked me to marry him.

I glanced at my eternity ring and felt a flutter of excitement. Perhaps the ring was his way of easing me into a proposal?

No, I wouldn't think like that. There was no point in thinking of marriage when it wouldn't even be legal until I was sixteen and that was eight months away.

I took a deep breath and brought my gaze back up to the watching eyes of Clara, Esme and Alice, all of which showed some amusement at my daydream reaction.

"What? There is definitely no wedding. And there won't be one for a long time. As far as I am aware you have to be sixteen to get married." Clara's expression smirked and I shook my head smiling. She was just teasing with me. She knew the reaction her question would cause.

"It's been lovely to see you, Sarelle. Remember to send me an invitation when you and your man decide to tie the knot."

"Of course, Clara, but you shouldn't expect it anytime soon." I grinned, and waved goodbye to Annabelle as she peeked her head around the counter, grinning a toothy smile.

"It's been a pleasure to meet you, Clara. And you Annabelle." Esme dipped to stroke the little girl's head lovingly.

It was truly a shame that she didn't have a child of her own. She had so much love within her that it seemed wrong that she had been denied the chance to shower it on a child, instead having to transfer it on the 'children' within the Cullen family.

"Bye, Clara." Alice spun from the shop gracefully waving enthusiastically.

I shut the door behind me and looked into the waiting faces of Esme and Alice.

"Home time?" I asked before taking a rather larger than ladylike bite out of my baguette much to the disgust of Alice. I hummed in delight at the cheese and lettuce filled my stomach. That was one downside to socialising with vampires; they took a little time to adjust to human needs.

Once my sandwich was finished I linked with Alice and we danced happily down the little woodland lane while Esme walked behind us just as a mother does her children.

It was strange how we somehow slipped into our roles as a family perfectly even though we were of no relation. We just clicked into place as if it was natural and meant to be.

The perfect fit. The perfect family.

... _but for how long._ My mind added.

**A/N: Review, please?**

**xxx**


	28. Chapter 27

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Huge thank you for the reviews, it's really a great motivator :P **

**As for the story, still giving nothing away but I'm kind of excited to get the next few chapters out. :P**

**Happy reading!**

**x**

It had been odd waking up in the Cullen's guest room rather than my own bed, especially without Edward there. However, I couldn't feel unhappy at his absence because our day and night before had been a world of fun.

Alice had spent most the night altering anything she could get her nimble hands on. My wardrobe had been revamped and styled to perfection. I knew I wouldn't get much use out of it since I was still growing in more ways than one, but most of the pieces would fit me for another few months if not a year.

The spare clothes that either couldn't be altered or I didn't want changed were hanging in the depths of Alice's wardrobe waiting for me to take them back to my home and hang them back in my wardrobe. There wasn't much that had survived Alice's make over but key pieces such as my white and yellow flowered sundress had been left aside. It held too many memories of Chicago, Florida, and Texas. I couldn't face changing it in anyway. Alice had questioned my refusal a little as she adored the floral pattern around the neckline, but when I explained she left it aside. It was a little harder to explain my aversion to the violet dress I had bought on my second visit to Chicago.

It still had blood stains and dirt splattered across its surface. Alice had gasped when she saw the sight and turned to me with questions burning in her eyes. I was almost certain that she could smell the nightmarish memories embedded in the fabrics fibres. However, when she saw my face she gently placed the dress aside and tried to inject some humour and light fun back into the evening.

I adored her for that.

The fact she hadn't pushed me to unlock those feelings again, even though her curiosity itched for her to ask, was enough for me to value my friendship with her even more than I had before.

There was however one dress that caught her attention more than all the others, the Newalk Asylum dress. It had been bundled at the bottom of the small pile so I had overlooked it at first. I had looked at her warily when she had held the dress out in front of her to study every aspect.

Part of me had felt that maybe she might have remembered something by seeing such a prominent object from her past. It was a duplicate of the dress she would have worn herself, yet no recognition flashed in her eyes. Instead she had turned to me and asked me how I had come to own such a garment.

I sighed as I remembered our conversation.

"_Sarelle, why didn't you tell us you have been in an asylum before?" Alice's voice was incredulous as she thumbed the sack dress, eyeing the printed name._

"_It's not a time I enjoy reminiscing about, although it wasn't all bad." I sighed as I took the dress from her, remembering Aslo and our odd relationship, then Mary and her endless lust for life. It was such a temptation to just tell Alice of her past self but I knew such a rash actions wasn't one to be carried out on a whim. She hadn't expressed any desire to know about her past, but I promised myself that if she ever showed the desire to learn I would tell her everything I knew, even if it wasn't all good._

_Alice's eyed me with suspicion and I could only guess what she was thinking, 'how many more secrets is she hiding?' I never wanted to purposefully hide things from the Cullens, they were what I now considered to be my family but surely within family's there was things that were hidden._

_I didn't want them knowing the whole ugly truth of what I had experienced. I had survived long enough without people knowing every detail, not even Aslo knew and he had been the one to hold me as I suffered through the aftermath of the most recent._

_The Cullens were my fresh start and I wanted it to stay that way, fresh and clean and untarnished._

"_I was ten when I arrived. In a way I created my own reason for being there. I screamed about the night warden being a vampire." I chuckled darkly as I thought of mine and Aslo's first meeting. It hadn't been a conventional start to a friendship, but a friendship it became nonetheless._

"_Why would you do that?" Alice asked confused and she sat cross legged on her large cream bed._

"_Well, he was one. So it seemed the right thing to do at the time. I was terrified after what I had witnessed with Carlisle. My introduction to vampirism wasn't exactly a pleasant one remember." I smiled slightly at Alice as her eyes showed understanding and surprise._

"_Who was he? You've never mentioned him."_

"_Aslo and he turned out to be a great friend. Really it was wrong of me to never have mentioned him; he doesn't deserve to be unknown after everything he's done for me." Alice's eyes became puzzled again._

"_He gives me money every month, so the small fortune I have is due to his kindness. He's been alive for over five hundred years so he's got quite a large bank balance."_

"_What was he like? How did you become friends if you nearly revealed him to the other humans? How did you even learn to trust him if you were so scared of what he was?" Alice's questions bubbled from her mouth rapidly and I smiled at her curiosity. It was nice being able to talk to her about Aslo. In a way it felt like I was telling her about her past, even though I knew she didn't realise. I thought that maybe if I told her about Aslo now it wouldn't seem such a shock when she eventually found out his relation to her._

"_Well really to answer any of those questions I have to explain that the asylum held no similarity to the normal world. Everything was distorted either by drugs or just the constant state of darkness they kept you in. Aslo broke the darkness. He stayed with me when my mind was too poisoned to function. He'd sit with the door open to break the darkness that I hated so much. I refused to talk to him properly at first, but after time, and his persistence, I grew to understand he wasn't the ruthless, feral killer that had attacked Carlisle. Believe me, he was no angel, I knew that. I noticed that every week or so his eyes would glow red before they dulled to a maroon. I knew he killed humans to survive, but in that place it didn't seemed to really register in my mind." For some peculiar reason I felt my eyes get misty at the memories of Aslo. They had seemed so bleak at the time given my living state, but now as I looked back he had done so much for me, I couldn't imagine what I would have become without him._

_Images of Emily Short flashed through my mind. The way Mrs Mills had bound her to the point of causing the ropes to cut into her skin, the glassy daze of her eyes and the screams I would hear coming from her room. Aslo saved me from all these things, how could a simple 'thank you' ever suffice to show my gratitude?_

"_He had red eyes?" Alice gasped, clearly thinking me insane for spending hours within a small room with a traditional vampire._

"_He was very careful with me, never got too close. However, last time I saw him he had fallen in love with a patient. I'd never seen him happier, or more in control of his nature. He's a great man. If I knew a way of contacting him I would have loved for you all to meet him."I grinned when I thought of Aslo meeting the Cullens. He had obviously liked Carlisle the first time he met him, he'd called him a 'visionary' in his sketch book._

"_I have a picture of him, if you want to see. I think it's of us together on my second jump to the asylum." I rummaged through my belongings that were currently buried in my travel bag since Alice had made me bring everything here._

_As I passed Alice the few photos I had of Aslo and myself I held my breath. Part of me hoped she would recognise him. That somewhere in her psyche there was a remnant of Mary screaming for her to remember._

_I held back the photos of Alice and Aslo together. Those would be saved for another time. A time when I was certain it would be what she wanted._

_Alice's eyes narrowed at the image of Aslo and I together, and I leant forward on the bed, waiting for her to look up with recognition in her eyes. Just a flicker of remembrance was all I needed._

_That wasn't what was there when she looked up, instead it was alarm._

"_Sarelle. Have you seen yourself in these photos? What happened to you? You're in that violet dress." She shoved the photo under my nose and I gulped against the lump that formed at the sight before me._

_It was odd to finally see what Aslo and Alice had seen when I was around them in the asylum. I hadn't looked at myself that night and had soon washed and changed when I jumped to Belmore, nearly a year and a half ago._

_I had never seen the battered form of myself. It was a horrid sight of tear streaked cheeks, blood marked clothes, unkempt hair and blemished skin._

_It was an odd contrast placed next to the happy eyes and quiet smile of my expression._

_Then again, when I looked closer, the eyes- although shining- held a ghost of fear and the smile- although present- looked almost uncomfortable._

_It was clear in the picture that I was only happy on the surface, that I was hiding my true feelings even from myself._

_I sighed and tossed the picture aside with the other objects, shifting off the bed to pick up plain black vest top I had gotten from Florida._

"_Don't you think this would look better with a bit of accessorising?" I held it out to Alice, my voice carrying the same tone it had with Aslo when he first asked what was wrong. Light, ordinary, but forced._

"_Sarelle, what are you hiding from us?"_

_I stared in the vanity mirror, spying Alice watching me cautiously from the bed._

_All of a sudden I saw the face from the photo imprinted on my own, scratches, nail marks, and red bruises marring my creamy skin in a hideous manner._

_My fingers traced over my skins surface as if I expected the bruises to still hurt. As if I thought I would still feel the nail marks embedded on my skin._

_There was nothing there physically, but I knew it was all still present under the surface – emotionally._

"_Alice, I love you like a sister but there are some things I just can't tell you. Not yet. Maybe not ever. It's just a flaw caused by being human." I smiled weakly and Alice's eyes softened from her worry._

"_So you want this accessorised, do you? I'm thinking something sparkly." I grinned as Alice set about stitching an intricate corsage of pearls and diamantes onto the boring black top._

"_Something sparkly sounds perfect. Thank you, Alice." I passed back to her side and leant my head against her hard shoulder, watching her hands work sinuously with the fabric._

"_Hey, what are sister's for."Alice said, and I smiled at the simplicity of the words. There was nothing flashy or pretentious about her statement, it was just a perfect statement of affection. Exactly what I needed._

I exited the memory and came back to present time.

Today had passed quickly. I had spent most of it playing piano and reading. It was nice to indulge in some of the activities I had done before I met the Cullens. Even just helping Esme with breakfast and lunch had been a fun experience.

It was evening now, the night before Edward returns tomorrow. I had a strange feeling of anticipation racing through my veins when I thought of seeing him. It had made me jiggle on the sofa much to Alice's annoyance since she had been trying to paint my toe nails blood red. She had vowed that tonight would be a girlie night in, manicures, pedicures and other pampering experiences that I had never heard of.

Esme had created a wonderful array of snack food, ranging from popsicles, crisps, popcorn and something Alice called a virgin Cosmopolitan, which in turn was just cranberry juice, lemon juice, and a drop of lemonade.

We had listened to the latest chart on the radio and just indulged in our time without the men. Even Rosalie was there quietly in the background, although I saw her disappear after a while.

Alice and I were dancing around the living room as the music played, wearing the t-shirts we had designated as 'relax wear' from my old clothes. It was a strange kind of happiness I felt, knowing Alice had something of mine as her own now and that we shared clothes, even though they were old ones. I was having fun, but being human there were certain things that couldn't be avoided.

"Alice, dance break. Humanity's caught up with me." I grinned and bounced out the room up to the bathroom.

Alice had dropped her questions over Aslo and what had happened to me, much to my relief. I was also glad to see that she hadn't mentioned anything to Rosalie or Esme, not that I thought Rosalie would show any interest in anything related to me.

_Speak of the devil..._I thought as I exited the bathroom and saw Rosalie standing staring out the window out over the forest's tree tops.

The sky was darkening outside to a deep blue but the tree stops feathered into the blue, creating an intricate ebony pattern.

I glanced at Rosalie as she stared straight ahead, ignoring that I was even nearby. It was infuriating that she was still being so difficult. Everyone else in the family had made an effort and accepted me, but she was being so obnoxious and stubborn.

Perhaps now was the time to make an effort, push the barrier that we had somehow built between us. I didn't want to fight, but maybe if I took the step forward and asked her about herself then it would reduce some of the tension our acquaintance held. According to Edward she was vain and therefore 'The Life of Rosalie' was her favourite topic of conversation.

"It's a nice night, isn't it?" I started politely.

'If you say so.' Was her limited response.

"So, how did you meet Emmett?" I asked as I edged towards the window she was staring out of. I didn't look at her; it was intimidating enough talking to her without looking at her excruciating beauty.

"A bear attacked him and I brought him to be changed by Carlisle." Her voice was stiff and tense as she replied to my question. She didn't bother looking at me or even showing any interest in following the conversation. Why would she? She didn't want me here and she made it cruelly clear.

"And Carlisle changed you?" I had been curious about the means of her change, mainly because I wanted to know if she really was the 'Rose' that I had tried to save when I was just a thirteen year old girl.

"Yes, Sarelle. Carlisle changed me. In Rochester, 1933. Now stop trying to make conversation with me because I'm not interested." She flicked her hair and went to head back to the room where Esme and Alice were waiting to pamper and gossip, however they were now standing warily watching in the hallway.

"Rosalie," Esme's voice warned but Rosalie didn't seem effected by it. Meanwhile, I felt my mind whirring with the confirmation that she was truly the girl I had tried to save, tried and failed. Did that make it my fault that she was this way?

"No Esme, I'm not going to just accept her like you all have. You're all too blinded by Edward being happy that you don't understand. She will only bring trouble." Rosalie's hateful eyes turned on me, but I refused to shrink away from her glare. I wanted to understand what caused her dislike of me and if it meant enduring a fight to do so then I would. I had fought and taken pain for her, the least she owed me was an explanation even if she didn't realise what I had given her. Even if she didn't know how much hurt I had inflicted on myself to try and save her from enduring the same torment I had with Ashton. Of course, I hadn't succeeded and instead I had only added to the bank of dark memories in my mind.

"Rosalie, I don't know what I've done to offend you, in fact I have tried my best to either stay out of your way or at least be civil. Why can't you do the same?" I could feel my body reacting to the anger slowly building in me; my hands were already starting to act out the frustration I felt at our tense relationship.

Alice looked between me and Rosalie from her place beside Esme, worry on her face.

"Sarelle, just leave it. Come on let's do a facial." She smiled trying to lighten the mood but the mood had already been altered beyond repair. There was no going back now, I didn't even want to. I deserved an explanation from Rosalie whether it was something I wanted to hear or not.

"No, Alice, I'm sorry but I want to hear what she has to say." I smiled weakly in apology at Alice, while she pouted at having her plans disrupted. I hated upsetting her. She had been so excited about our sleepover and girlie night in and now I had effectively ruined it. She was my best friend and I wanted her to be happy but this was something that was unavoidable. It either happened now or when the situation had grown to be worse.

"Come on, Rosalie, for the first time in your life get off your high horse and _explain yourself,_" I hissed as I spun to look Rosalie dead in the eye.

"You want to know why I can't smile and play happy families?" She said in a sugar sweet tone, her hand on her hip as she challenged me.

I nodded, crossing my arms in determination.

"OK, it's simple. I don't want you here, Sarelle. You could ruin _everything._ Firstly, are you really ignorant enough to not realise the danger you're putting yourself in? And secondly, what about the danger you're putting all of _us_ in? Can you even comprehend that level of risk in your human mind?" Her voice held a cold sharp edge and I shook my head at her words.

"I may be human, Rosalie, but I can still understand. In fact, I know a lot more than you assume. I know that this isn't easy on you, things changing, but I'm not going anywhere voluntarily, I don't want to. So it looks like you're going to have to _deal with it_ and stop acting like a _child._" Rosalie just scoffed at my words, as if they were meaningless. As if I was meaningless. I hated that she assumed I was 'just a human', just some girl that had fallen for Edward's appearance like all the others. She had no idea what I had been through. She had no idea how I felt about Edward. She didn't know that he was like my ray of sunshine keeping the nightmares away, or that he helped to heal me. I had been so broken when I first arrived in Belmore, and through the months of living alone I had just buried my bad memories deep down but with Edward I wasn't burying them, I was erasing them. He soothed my soul and there was no way I was going to leave him or run scared because of her.

"You know what, we're not that different you and me, Rosalie." I smirked at her as her eyebrows shot up in disbelief.

" Ha! Really? You think _you_ have anything in common with _me_?" Her eyes narrowed in a glare and I felt my body surge with the need to wipe the look off her face.

"You lost a whole lifestyle, that whole happy ending. Well I'm exactly the same. I may never stop jumping so I will never have the chance to settle down with someone for the rest of my life. I will never be able to spend my life with someone, getting married, having kids, dying by their side. I will have none of that. At least you get Emmett and forever with him. A day is going to come when I will have to leave Edward. Can you imagine being torn from Emmett?"

Her loathing eyes faltered and I knew I had hit a soft spot. She adored Emmett with every inch of her stone body that much was clear.

"Your situation may be similar but our circumstances are _very_ different. You have no idea the pain I have endured," she growled and her voice was deadly. I saw Alice and Esme exchanging nervous glances but then Alice's face cleared and became unfocussed. In a second her gasp sounded in the room, her eyes focussing on me.

I barely noticed her pitying look. I was too focussed on Rosalie. On the incredible beauty that seared my skin with her eyes and made my throat ache to shout and scream, anything to make her realise and understand that we had so much more in common than she thought. I knew what I had to do, and although just thinking of it made my mind numb and bile rise in my throat at the memories, I knew it was the only way forward. I took steady steps towards her, staring into her burning eyes until I was a mere metre from her fuming body.

"You weren't the only girl there that night, Rosalie. So _believe _me I know exactly what you have endured. In fact, I endured it twice and I survived, so stop clinging to it as a reason to set us apart, because in reality it's just another thing that joins us." As soon as the words left my lips I heard Esme, gasp and whimper against the realisation of what had happened to me. She treated me like a daughter and I could imagine the hurt she must feel that I had endured such an assault and never mentioned anything of the pain that hid deep down in my psyche.

I glanced at Alice and her eyes were filled with pain, pity and sympathy. Now she knew the story behind the violet dress, and it certainly wasn't a fairytale.

My eyes turned back to Rosalie and her face barely reformed the blank mask she usually wore. It was twisted with astonishment and I felt some kind of sick satisfaction that I had finally gotten a reaction other than disdain and anger.

I didn't care that the price I had to pay to get such a reaction was to dredge up the past memories of Ashton, Royce, and his sick minded friends.

"You... You were there?" Rosalie gasped and looked with startled eyes towards Esme and Alice, as if looking for my words to be denied and revealed as a lie or joke. I laughed but it was dark and tainted with bitterness. She really thought that I would lie about such a thing? She hated the idea of me proving her to know less than she thought so much that she would rather disbelieve what I told her, or assume that I would say such a thing just to get closer to her.

"I tried to stop them; I even threw bricks at a couple, but it wasn't enough. They were too strong, Royce and his gang of rich sycophants." My bitterness got lost in the torment of reliving the memory. I felt Esme's motherly arms wrap around my body, stemming the tremors.

I felt numb and my mind was just in a constant replay of the worst nights of my life while Alice and Esme led me into the living room, sitting me on the sofa. Alice held my hand tightly and Esme placed a comforting kiss on the top of my head as Rosalie settled her stunned body onto the sofa opposite.

"I can't remember you." Rosalie's voice was soft and I let out a shaky breath before looking up into her repentant eyes.

"I'm not surprised. You fell unconscious shortly after, but I remember it all, Rosalie.... Every excruciating detail, and I begged them to stop but...but they didn't. They forced me ...held my face and body....forcing me to watch. It was too much because it had happened before and the.... memories...God the memories.....they all merged." My voice lost its strength and became just strained whispers, battling to escape my constricted throat.

"When they were done with you they threw me down next to your body.... You looked so....so broken, all I could think to do was hold your hand and pray you would be OK, that someone would come and save you. You just looked so... helpless." The tears started to escape my eyes as I fought to bury the memories back down before they cut away too much of the barrier I had formed to keep them hidden. For my own sanity I had to hide them, for better or worse.

"I'm sorry, Rosalie. That I couldn't stop them." My body collapsed into my hands and I let out a groan of anguish and frustration. I had fought this before but now I had told someone and it seemed so much harder to bury it all when I knew that it would always be in their minds when they looked at me. Their pity for me would hide behind their irises and act like a constant reminder to me. I didn't want that, but at the same time finally having Rosalie understand and know about the history we shared made me feel like I didn't have to cope with it alone.

I felt cold arms fold around my shaking body and I whimpered slightly as I leant into the touch.

"Call me Rose." Her soft voice helped to mend the pain and stitch up the wall around the memories.

I could feel her reliving the memories in the same way I had, the only difference was that her body didn't show tears, it could only hold onto mine as we battled our demons together.

We stayed this way in silence for an immeasurable amount of time. Alice and Esme just stayed by our side, offering some comfort as we healed in our little bubble.

Eventually, our bodies calmed and I peeled away from Rose, wiping away the tear streaks on my cheeks.

"Can you forgive me for my behaviour? If I had known..." Rose said, looking between me and her hands. Our relationship still wouldn't be like mine and Alice's, or mine and Esme's, but I felt that it wouldn't be what it was before either.

"We aren't the ones who should be asking forgiveness. It should be _them._" I hissed.

"Don't worry, they begged for it when I paid them a visit." Rose's eyes glinted with a menacing light.

"Revenge?"

"I saved Royce for last. I wanted to have him cowering in fear like the coward he is. I got what I wanted. He was hiding inside a windowless room behind a thick steel door, guarded by armed men outside, when I finally came for him. I was overly theatrical. I wore a wedding dress I'd stolen for the occasion. He screamed when he saw me before. I relished that scream, the ice cold fear in it. He screamed a lot that night. I don't consider myself a cruel person, Sarelle, but I revelled in his torture, just as he had indulged in mine."

"I promised him revenge would come his way, but I wish I had the chance to exact my own."

"I'm sorry I judged you, Sarelle. Does Edward know?" Rose asked softly.

"No, I couldn't bear telling him. I didn't want him to look at me differently, but now, well you all know, I can't imagine it will stay quiet for long."

"He loves you, Sarelle, I may not fully understand it but it's impossible to doubt." Rose smiled sheepishly, I understood that her deep routed fears of change wouldn't change overnight, but I was glad that now we were past the wall.

"This isn't going to change anything," Esme said as she rubbed comforting patterns on my back. I couldn't say that I fully believed her but I offered her a small smile in thanks for her confidence.

"How did you cope without telling anyone?" Alice asked, her eyes watching me with sincere curiosity.

"Well, one person knew, about the first time. It happened in Texas. Jasper's comrade got too drunk and well....Anyway Jasper was my hero that night, unfortunately he wasn't there the second time around."

"I take it you haven't told Jasper about this," Alice said.

"I don't _want_ people to know. I prefer just hiding it away, forgetting about it. I wouldn't have told Rose but, well, let's just say it came out in the heat of the moment," I gave Rose a shy smile which she returned.

"Edward would want to know." Rose persisted and I knew she was right, deep down. However, my pride wouldn't let me just reveal such a thing, not when it showed such weakness. The very thought of opening myself up in such a way was uncomfortable. It wasn't that I didn't trust and love Edward, but I didn't trust myself to be able to be strong enough again. Telling Rosalie, Alice and Esme had been hard enough and I wasn't sure if I wanted to go through it again.

"I know he would, but how could anything but negativity come from him knowing. He'll just find some way to blame himself and I can't have that happening." They couldn't deny that. The whole family knew of Edward's tendency to find self blame.

"Sarelle, we won't say anything, promise, it's your choice, sweetie." Esme's voice wiped away my worries and I sighed as the remnants of the nightmare dissipated from my mind, like storm clouds clearing to reveal blue sky.

"Thank you, Esme. I'm sorry; this probably wasn't how you saw this evening going, Alice." I smiled apologetically and Alice shrugged her shoulders.

"It's no big deal. We have forever to pamper and gossip; sometimes things just need to be let out. We can still stay up if you want."

"I think I'm just going to go to bed. Put the monsters to sleep." I ran my hand through my hair, letting go of the last ounce of tension.

I stood from the sofa and the rest followed.

Esme took me into her arms, stroking my hair like my mother used to before letting me go to be claimed by Alice's tight hug.

I moved towards the doorway but Rosalie stepped forward, offering me a small hug. It wasn't much but it was more than I had ever hoped for.

I climbed the stairs in a trance, heading towards my bedroom.

I glanced at the neatly made plush white bed and then to the open door of Edward's room.

I couldn't sleep there, but I wanted something that reminded me of him. I was so used to sleeping beside him but even if that wasn't the case, I needed him near me tonight to keep the nightmares away.

I padded into his room and picked up the used pale grey shirt that lay folded over the back of the leather couch. The cotton felt soft under my fingertips and I brought it up to my nose, inhaling the divine scent of him that clung to the fabric.

I sighed and padded back to my room, undressing down to my underwear and slipping the shirt over my body, fastening up a few buttons before climbing into bed.

Snuggling down into the pillow to sleep bathing in Edward fragrance as always.

**A/N: Review?**

**xx**


	29. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: OK here's the next piece of this puzzle, I mean literally this story is just one big jigsaw and this chapter has a small but important clue. I'm oddly excited to get to the end of this story (long way off) and see if people have picked up on the little clues dotted around.**

**Thank you for the reviews as always, you lot are awesome :D**

**Last chapter got 4 reviews so this one I'm going to try and get 5 :P**

**happy reading!**

**x**

Darkness surrounded me as I lay in the large white bed. It was an idyllic night scene of a moonlit window allowing in the delicate light to bathe the soft white drapes with dreamy silver radiance. I uncurled my body from the cramped ball I had been sleeping in due to my vulnerable sense of feeling. It was my subconscious's way of demonstrating the aftermath of the talk with Rosalie. As I unwound my limbs the door drifted open. I felt my heart quiver eagerly as Edward walked towards me in perfect sensuous motion. His eyes burned into mine with a need so deep and desirous that I could feel it almost pulling me towards him.

Pure gravity.

Slow and steady, I rose from where I lay, reaching for him in my sleepy state while his scent drifted in the air around me.

He came to me easily, his lips seeking my own like a missile to its target.

My whole body relaxed at the contact of his lips on mine; lost to the feeling of sanctuary he gave my soul. Almost too lost to register that something was different, something tainted the feeling of refuge.

The realisation squirmed under my skin like a parasite, uncomfortable and unwanted.

His lips weren't stone cold or firm. They were human, too rough and heated. His tongue forced its way through my lips to plunder my mouth in a rash uncomfortable fashion.

I gasped away in revolt but his hands held me in place firmly as I struggled beneath him.

My frightened eyes locked with his own, but they weren't his beautiful golden gaze anymore, he wasn't Edward anymore. He was Ashton in all his hideous glory and repulsive force.

His hands wrestled with my squirming body as if I was merely a naughty child. His sick laughter echoed in my ears, and my world swirled and distorted as he touched each pain point, just as he had done before.

My eyes gasped open when I felt the sting of his slap on my face.

We weren't alone, not anymore. The bed was the ground and my eyes darted around the smug, laughing faces of Royce and his friends as they watched me fight beneath Ashton.

I was helpless against them.

They were going to do again.

They were going to destroy me again and I could do nothing about it.

Every attempt at causing Ashton harm was futile. My rough actions passed straight through him as if he were just ghost. Only he wasn't a ghost because I could _feel_ him, I could feel his hands all over me. It was so real. Too real. I couldn't take it; I wasn't strong enough, not this time.

"Play nice, Sarelle. Be the good little girl that I know you are." His words made shivers of disgust shake my body.

My head jerked to the side as I felt a consoling hand press into mine, it was cold and comforting until I saw the owner's expression.

"Sarelle, I thought you were an angel." Edward's hurt eyes bore into mine, and I felt the tears burst from my eyes as I tried to clutch his hand. He was pulling away from me. He was going to leave me here with Ashton and Royce. He was going to leave me with the nightmare, alone to battle my demons.

"Edward. She's broken." Aslo's soft voice drifted through my mind. I saw him standing behind Edward's crouched form, his hand on his shoulder, pulling him away.

"I'm not broken. Please don't leave me. I love you. I'm not broken." My voice broke and cracked because my words had no effect on the statue before me, his face twisted from hurt to anger and disgust. He dropped my hand as if it burned his skin, standing to look down on me just as Royce and his friends had.

Aslo stood beside him, his eyes full of sorrow and pity as he stared down at me.

"These things catch up to you, Sarelle. I warned you of this. You shouldn't have tried to run from it." I scrabbled on the dirty cold ground as I reached for Aslo and Edward. They were always out of reach. I was straining against an unknown force, my legs heavy as if treading through treacle. My body was being pulled back by the monsters, trying to keep me in their world of torture and torment. They wouldn't let me go. Their hold was heavy and thick and eternal. An indefinite disease to suffer, denied the cure - denied Edward.

"Please, I'm not broken. Please...Please," I pleaded but nothing changed.

"You're not my angel. You're dirty, tainted, _used_." Edward's voice was cold and emotionless as his eyes gazed down at me, dead and flat.

"I'm still yours. I'm still your angel. Forever and eternity. Don't leave me, please. I love you." My voice was weak and whispered as the tears continued to fall. I could feel them creating a salty taste in my mouth.

"I thought you loved me," Edward stated before turning his back on me and disappearing into the darkness. The pain of watching him walk away was excruciating, as if my heart had been ripped out.

I was a violent shaking mess as I collapsed to all fours.

"There, there, Sarelle. I'm here." I felt Aslo stroking my hair in comforting sweeps but somehow they seemed similar to how an owner strokes their pet.

My sobs turned to whimpers. Aslo's touch may not have been the one I wanted most but it helped.

"I'm here Sarelle, I'm here. You're safe." His voice changed, distorted as darkness invaded.

"Sarelle, love. I'm here." I knew that voice, that beautiful, velvet voice.

My eyes shot open and I registered the twisted sheets, discarded cover and dark room. Moonlight spilled in through the window, lighting the white drapes in silver.

I felt a shiver as my mind flicked through the dream I had just experienced.

I looked down at my skewed outfit of Edward's grey shirt.

"Sarelle? Angel?" Edward's voice pierced my shaken consciousness and I spun to see him sitting beside me on the bed, his expression filled with worry.

There was something below the worry; there was anger, confusion but most of all love.

He reached forward and wiped away the lone tear that failed to meet the pillow like the others seemed to have done.

"Just a dream, just a dream," I said in a shaken voice, pushing my hair back from my face with quivering hands.

"Yes, it was just a dream. I'm here now." Edward pulled me into his arms and I snuggled as close as I could. Monsters couldn't get me when I was with my saviour, my own little slice of sanctuary.

"Just a bad dream." I breathed, relaxing my body into Edward's, inhaling his scent deeply as it cleansed my mind of the darkness.

"You scared me, love. I've never seen you so distraught." His voice sounded almost tortured, I panicked at what he possibly could have seen if he had touched me. My mind would have been an open book if his skin had touched my own.

I didn't want him to have seen that dream, he would know what I had endured, and he would know what ghastly things had happened to my body.

The dream flashed in my mind, the words Edward had said. They hurt even now I was conscious.

"You're here now, everything will be better now." I reached to place a soft shaking kiss on his jaw as his arms curled me closer to his body, gripping my waist to hold me tighter.

"I've missed you," he whispered in my ear as my lips worked down his neck, each kiss reassuring me that he was here and this was real. That he still loved me and there was nothing lurking in the corners to change that.

"I missed you too," my lips hunted his, trailing back up his neck, along his jaw, until they reached his.

Pure joy rocketed through my body. I crawled into his lap, winding my arms around his neck as his own ran loving strokes up and down my back.

"I should leave more often if this is my reception when I come home." He breathed against my lips and I sighed contentedly, knotting my fingers in his hair, holding him to me. I didn't let him see the scared little girl who shook at the idea of him ever leaving her for good.

"They say absence make the heart grow fonder," I whispered as he ducked his head to place cold kisses on my neck, making me sigh softly when he reached my favourite place just below my ear, above my pulse. His kisses wiped away the memories of the rough assaults that had occurred during the dream.

"Mmm." His hand wound into my hair while the other traced my curves to settled on my bare thigh. It didn't matter that his cool touch formed Goosebumps on my skin; it caused heat to seep through me. My heartbeat skipped a beat as he sunk back on the bed, his hand ghosting up my bare legs in a sensuously slow motion.

"You truly are an angel, Sarelle." As I looked down at him from my straddled position I had to disagree. His skin was bathed in the moonlight and his eyes glittered in a way that mesmerised and seduced.

I inched myself down towards him, my hair falling in a curtain around us as our lips met again.

He flipped us so that his body held me to the bed, but it didn't remind me of the way Ashton had pinned me in my dream. This was heavenly and loving and everything I wanted. This felt safe, like home.

His lips sought the hollow of my throat, teasing my skin to a divine sensitivity. It sang at his every touch, whether it was his lips, or his caressing hands which ran longing strokes on my waist below the shirt. His shirt.

"I love my clothes on you. The way our scents mix, it's intoxicating." His breath tickled against my skin and I moaned at the contact.

It should have been embarrassing at how my body reacted to him, but I could find no shame in my body right now. There was nothing but desire for him, in every way I could have him.

He held his body carefully to stop his weight from hurting me, but it didn't matter I could still feel every glorious inch of him pressed into me.

"I couldn't sleep without something of you being near." I stroked his face lovingly and smiled as he leant into my touch, placing a soft kiss on my palm.

"I won't go as far away next time. It's not worth the anxiety."

"Anxiety?"

"I hate the idea of leaving you, you're so mortal. I couldn't bear it if I lost you, so I go a little berserk when you're not with me."

I smiled at his sheepish expression. "Did you find any mountain lions?"

"Yes, I did, actually. Still not worth the anxiety." He grinned at me and my heart melted at his signature crooked smile.

"Oh but I think the reunion makes up for that, don't you?" I teased as I reached up to pull him down to me, working my lips along his throat and up to softly tempt and tease his earlobe.

As I grazed his cool skin with my teeth he groaned against my neck, a sound that shot passion straight through my veins as if it were electricity.

He worked my body into a frenzy with his sweet kisses, his tongue tracing the shape of my lips. The cold temperature creating a sensation so divine my grip on him tightened. My hands traced his arms leading up to the contours of his biceps and round his shoulders to the first button of his shirt.

I slowly undid the first button.

He paused instantly and I gazed deeply into his amber eyes, asking permission for such a step to be taken.

I couldn't push him too far, but right now I needed to feel him completely.

_Is this ok?_ I thought as I cupped his face in my hands.

He nodded once and I returned to unbuttoning his shirt as he gazed down at me. He eyes watching me with such intensity I almost felt the heat of their gaze on my skin.

Once I had undone the buttons I looked into his eyes and watched as he rose to remove the remaining fabric.

My body followed his as it rose, as if unable to stay away, as if joined by an unbreakable bond.

So there he sat back on his heels, his body almost glowing in the moonlight. I reached up tentatively to trace the glorious planes of his chest, each perfectly sculpted and defined. Each designed to send my mind into a muddle of morals, desire, principles and lust. I wanted him more than anything in this world but my mind was holding me back, just as I was sure his was.

I gazed into his eyes, sinking into the golden depths as if I was falling into everything he was, falling into the beauty of his soul that shimmered to the surface, evident by every sparkle in his eye.

_You're beautiful, inside and out, _my mind whispered to him as my hands ghosted over his abs, feeling the way they flexed under my touch.

His eyes set upon me with such love and devotion that I felt I would disappear and become something so much higher than human, something divine and pure. It was as if his eyes held the key to release me from the earthly torments that plagued me soul when I was alone in the darkness.

I placed a kiss at the centre of his chest, directly above where his dead heart sat still in his chest, unmoving but no less present because of it.

_I love you._

"Forever and eternity." He finished my words before his hands seized my face.

His mouth was desperate and wanting against my own, claiming it with every wondrous kiss. Claiming me as his with every moment we were locked in our embrace. His for forever and eternity. It was such a sweet idea.

My arms locked around his neck, pulling myself as close as I possibly could to his statuesque body.

His hands passed down my body clutching me to him with the same longing coating his touches as was hidden in my own.

When I had to gasp for air his lips didn't leave my body, instead he hitched me sloe rot wrap my legs around his waist as he eased us back to the centre of the bed. Taking us further up the stairway to heaven or sinking further into sin. It didn't matter how I viewed it, it was still a kind of tantalising rightness.

My hands traced the planes of his chest greedily, soaking up every inch of him.

He was built in the manner of perfection but I knew he had his flaws, just as I did. He wasn't just a beautiful faultless being. He was tortured and flawed below his surface, but so was I. Together we could be fixed, together could something so much better than idealistic divine perfection.

We would be real and happy, an earthly epitome of bliss.

I pulled my mouth back to his, matching his eager movements with my own as he held my body as close as possible to his. It felt like there was barely room for the thin shirt fabric of my makeshift pyjamas between us.

"This is unbearable." He murmured against my skin as he laid kisses on the contours of my collar bone.

_Unbearable?_ I asked him internally.

"The temptation." His words were almost an anguished groan and I froze instantly.

_Is this too much, too fast? If your thirst is too bad then we can stop, we said we wouldn't push our limits. I don't want you to hurt._

He chuckled huskily against my skin, his eyes glancing up through his lashes.

"That side of my nature has never been so hidden, Sarelle. The temptation is you, everything about you. Your taste, your smell, your touch, and those _sounds_ you make." I giggled at the lusting torment in his voice.

"Just that cute laugh of yours makes me want you more. You have no idea what you do to me, angel."

_Likewise, _I thought, biting down on my lip as I thought of feelings he filled me with.

My parents had talked of me growing up to be a respectable young woman, but where was that future self now?

Certainly not here, pinned beneath some kind of half dressed Greek god with his kisses upon her skin and his desire fuelling the rose in her cheeks. All at the tender age of fifteen. How scandalous.

"What I wouldn't give to have you as my own...in every way possible." I blushed furiously at the way his words made my heart flutter and my blood rush.

"I'm sorry; I should not have been so crude. That was very uncouth of me." He backed away, running his hand through his tousled hair. It was already messed and I felt a coy smile coat my lips, knowing that it had been my eager hands to cause his hair to be in such a state.

"Don't apologise, Edward. I feel the same way, but, well let's just say my early childhood has made more of an impact than I originally thought." I looked down at my hands as I formed a clearer answer in my mind.

"Even though I have lived through so many societies and cultures, each of which has treated the relationship between a man and a woman differently, I can only find one constant that sticks in my mind." I fidgeted uncomfortably as the awkwardness of this conversation became better known to me.

"I want to wait. At least until I'm older. I'm not set upon waiting 'til marriage but I'm not the kind of girl of who can just rush into such a...decision." I gulped and looked up to Edward as he smiled down on me.

"You're blushing." He stroked my heated cheeks and I smiled shyly at his tender touch.

"You have no reason to be embarrassed, Sarelle. I feel the same way."

"Look at us by-products of our generation," I said as I grinned.

"Indeed," he said and we fell into a loaded silence, our eyes focussed on each other.

"Perhaps you could sleep with me tonight, like this?" I played with the edge of Edward's jeans, dancing my fingers across his lower abs. I liked the way his muscles rippled at my touch and his breath hitched momentarily.

"I wonder if I will ever be able to deny you." He smirked, leaning over me until I back to lying on the bed.

He placed a lingering kiss on my lips before he leapt off the bed to get the covers, throwing them over me and placing a small barrier of sheet between his bare icy chest and my own skin. I sighed and wriggled further down into the comfort of his touch as he snuggled against me.

That night I slept as if the nightmares never existed and I knew it was because he was by my side. I was safe as long as I was in Edward's arms.

* * * * *

The morning after the nightmare was just as any other. I awoke in Edward's arms as I usually did. However, instead of his usual clear expression, there was something buried in his eyes that I couldn't decipher. I set aside the uneasy feelings and set about my usual morning routine, preparing for whatever the day brought.

It was around lunchtime that the clouds started to clear for the first time in months, and it was then that Edward asked to take me to a place special to him.

He had run through the forest with such excitement that my anticipation of what was to come increased exponentially. Our journey lasted a lot longer than any other. Usually Edward ran for seconds but this one lasted minutes- several minutes. However, it was worth the wait because the sight that greeted me was exquisite.

It was a small piece of natural beauty carved into the near unending jade of the forest. Flowers bent in the light breeze, their colours creating a multicoloured blanket across the ground. The long grass rippling, forming patterns as the wind whipped through the clearing.

"What is this place?" I whispered.

"A meadow, near Forks, Washington. I like to come here sometimes, to think."

"It's ...magnificent."

Edward's palm urged me forward from my place in the shadows where I was watching the wind play with the natural flora. It was beautiful. I took the longed for step into the light and embraced its full exquisite appearance, feeling the magic that seemed to emanate from it. As I wandered through the sweeping flora I turned to see Edward's face watching me, a smile playing on his lips.

The smile swiftly left his lips and was replaced by an expression of consternation. He inched his hand into the sunlight, and I gasped and grinned as it glittered. His eyes locked with mine almost as if he was reading my reaction for any sign of rejection. He would find none. He slowly moved from the darkness. As he entered the little pocket of sunshine his flawless skin broke out into a fantastical glimmer, as if millions of sparkling diamonds were embedded into it. He dazzled my eyes, his exquisite skin refracting the light. As he walked towards me he through rainbows out to dance on my skin, like colours dancing on cream silk.

We walked separately through the meadow. I took everything in, the smell of the grass and sweet floral high notes from the plants. There was a fresh smell of spring that made the air seem clean, cleared of the duskier smell of the forest.

Edward sat in a fast fluid motion, leaving me to absorb the beauty of the meadow.

My eyes passed around the perfectly circular edge, the dark gloom of the surrounding trees making it seem even more like an alternate world, like it was just a bubble for us to share.

A soft feeling of serenity soothed my mind as I walked through a pretty patch of bluebells and daisies. The sun shone down on me, warming my skin while a light breeze made my chest length hair flutter behind me. I bent to pick one of the violet flowers that hid in the shadows at the edge of the meadow.

I twirled it in my fingers, looking at how the petals formed an intricate starburst, like an explosion of sugared blues and mauves reaching out to sunlight. I recognised it as my mother's favourite. My father always gave her a single flower on her birthday along with any other presents he had bought for her. I never knew the real name of it but I knew that I recognised it.

"I believe it's called _Knautia arvensis,"_ Edward said, and I turned to see him staring down at the delicate flower in my hand.

"Of course you would know the Latin name, I think I'll just stick to calling it 'pretty purple flower'." I smiled up at Edward as he chuckled.

As I turned away something caught my eye. I left the sunny pool of the meadow and stepped into the gloom, heading towards a winding, gnarled, oak tree that had its trunk gently bathed in a green hue from the sunlight filtering down through the leafy canopy.

"Did you do this?" I asked Edward as my fingertips traced a ragged carved cross that had been etched into the rough trunk surface. The marking wasn't precise or careful; it was feral, wild and irregular. Almost as if it was a result of an animal's rage but at the same time it seemed like it meant something, as if it had been put there for a reason.

"It was here when I found this place. It's cut quite deep but I would think it's been here for many years." His arms curled around me as we looked upon the cross. It scarred the tree's surface, nearly stretching the full width of the thick trunk and reaching at least a metre in height.

"I wonder how it got here." I murmured, glancing around the surrounding trees for any sign of a similar marking. There wasn't one.

"Just another of life's mysteries." Edward sighed and I sensed there was more to his statement than just words.

"What's going on in that mind of yours?" I teased as I twisted to search his face for some understanding.

"Carlisle's hiding something from me. He has been ever since the second day of our trip." His eyes stared off into the distant and I watched his face seep with his confusion and worry.

"Edward, I'm sure he has his reasons, but I'm also certain he'll tell you if it's important."

"You're right, I know, but there's just something about the tone of his mind that worries me." His eyes locked on mine and I saw the panic there. That was until Edward put the walls back up; he only ever did such a thing if we were talking about us and our past/future together. The fact he was doing such a thing now scared me a little. What could possibly be in Carlisle's mind that caused Edward's reaction?

"May I ask you something?" I nodded in confusion my mind still churning over what could have happened to Carlisle when they were away hunting, and how it could possibly relate to me and Edward. I barely noticed that there was a serious tone back in Edward's voice, but then I recognised it. I hadn't heard since he woke me from my nightmare last night. It was a serious tone that caused my stomach to tense with what words it may speak, bracing against questions I may have to answer.

"It's about your dream last night." I gulped, squirming a little out of Edward's grasp as if I merely wanted to get out of the shadows.

"Oh," I whispered before I turned to head back to the centre of the meadow, back to the sunlight where I felt lighter and calmer.

"Sarelle?" Edward flashed in front of me, stopping me in my tracks as I reached the centre, dazzling my eyes with his glittering form.

"What do you want to know, Edward?" His face looked at me with faint perplexity coating his features, a faint crease forming between his eyebrows. It was almost hard to concentrate on his mannerisms when he was stunning my vision.

"In your dream, I was there but there was another man. I only caught glimpses of him when your skin touched mine but you spoke his name," he said as he inched forward. I avoided his gaze and dodged his reaching hands, crossing my arms over my chest in a form of self hugging.

I knew it hurt him to have me deny him my touch, to deny him access to my mind, but in this moment my mind was not the kind of mental treasure trove he would want to plunder. Not unless he wanted to be hurt.

"Sarelle? Who is he?"

**A/N: Review? I love to hear your opinions.**

**x**


	30. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Sorry I left you with a bit of a cliff hanger last time, I'm also sorry to say it was completely intentional :P**

**You are truly awesome for the reviews (8!!! that's double how many the last chapter got). I was amazed enough when this story went past 100 but now that the reviews are still coming...well it makes me very happy and also maybe a little addicted to the buzz.**

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"_Sarelle? Who is he?"..._

"Who is Aslo?" For the first time since our meeting in the library I heard a cool edge to his voice. Jealousy?

I glanced up timidly and was met by the same bewilderment in his gaze although there was certainly some kind of frustration present. I knew my silent mind could be both a blessing and a curse in Edward's opinion. He may have been able to read it when we touched skin to skin but otherwise it was silent, like it was now.

Why was he jealous of Aslo, just because Aslo had been in my dream alongside him?

It was silly, irrational, absurd. I couldn't help but laugh at his behaviour, at the relief of not having to tell him about Royce and Ashton, at the completely illogical possibility of me and Aslo _ever_ being together romantically.

"Sarelle?" Edward's voice was just as filled with bewilderment as his face, and although I knew it should have haltered my giggles, I couldn't find the control to do so. So instead I lay back in the grass, giggling to myself as I watched the fluffy clouds chase each other across the sky. Just drifting through the expanse of blue without a care in the world.

I sighed and propped myself up on my elbows to see Edward staring at me with apprehension.

"Aslo is a friend and _only_ a friend." Edward seemed to relax and came to join me on the grass, lying so his head was beside mine although his body was upside down.

"You never mentioned him, but he must have been important if you dreamt of him." Edward still seemed hold a little angst about the fact that Aslo had featured in my dream alongside him, I couldn't help but find his silly disposition endearing.

I glanced at Edward's profile as he gazed up at the sky. _I haven't mentioned a lot of things _my mind whispered although I knew he wouldn't hear it; we didn't have skin to skin contact so now his mind would be quiet of the voices. I liked that I could give him that peace of mind now and then.

"I know I didn't and that was wrong of me, but we've only really talked about us and the family. There have been plenty of people who I have met and never mentioned because we haven't really talked about people we have known outside the people around us now." This seemed to sooth Edward's mood because he glanced at me with clearer eyes.

"I'm asking now," he murmured.

"Well, I met Aslo on my jump after I first met you. He was a warden at an asylum and also a vampire – the original kind." I smirked expecting Edward's reaction and he didn't disappoint. His body shot up instantly, hovering over mine with shock in his eyes.

"Yes, yes, big shock I was in an asylum. It wasn't exactly by choice. And as for having Aslo as a friend, he was controlled and he kept me company. I was never in any real danger." My tone was blase although it didn't seem to ease Edward's concern.

"How can you say that? There is no such thing as complete safety with a vampire... Not even with me," he said as his eyes searched mine. I smirked thinking his examination would be for signs of mental illness. He wouldn't find any, or at least none that could be diagnosed scientifically. I couldn't be sure if my mind was exactly as it should be given my life but I felt sane, just with a little insanity thrown in now and then to keep things from monotony.

"Edward, I'm here aren't I? Anyway, he protected me from the other vile treatments Mrs. Mills, the asylum mistress, would have inflicted on me. Mercury poisoning was the worst I ever got, unlike Emily." I shifted my head to rest my cheek on his, showing him the memories I had of the poor timid blonde girl bound in ropes and cuffs 'til her skin purpled and bloated.

"I don't know how, but he became a friend. I knew what he was and what he did to survive, but in that place it didn't matter. Then, he met Mary and I had never seen him so alive. She renewed the life in him, in both of us really. It was hard not to feel full of energy and lust for life when Mary was around. Alice is so similar to her, it's almost unnerving," I said once I had moved away from Edward, regaining the padlock on my mind.

I could tell him about Mary but I couldn't show him. It wasn't right to tell him before Alice.

"She'll be changed by now, he was going to do it as soon after her 18th birthday as possible, he knew the consequences if he didn't."

"I presume it would have only been a matter of time before the Volturi found out," Edward breathed, his own concern lacing his words.

"He told me about the rules, Edward, and the consequences if they're broken. I know it's something we will have to consider, in time." Edward tensed beside me, his jaw clenching shut.

"I'm not saying now, Edward, so you can relax, but it would be stubborn and careless of you to refuse to even talk about it when the time comes." My voice was harsher than I meant it to be. However, as much as Edward could melt my will, I still had a voice and I still had confidence in my mind. When the time came I would make sure he listened to me instead blocking the conversation completely through childlike denial.

"I don't want to think of it now, Sarelle. Not until we have to." He released his jaw with his stiff words, and I sighed before continuing my session of filling in the gaps of my life for him.

"After the asylum there was Texas and then Florida. At first the future didn't suit me, too busy, too cold-natured. But I adapted, I even tried to make friends with a girl, Casey, but she was a little too self centred for any real friendship to develop. However, I did meet the first 'ordinary' person I ever told there, Renée Higgenbottom and her daughter Isabella. She was only two but such a sweet child."

"Why did you tell her, Renée?" Edward asked.

"She had quite a mind for mystery and was also extremely nosy. She rummaged through my bag and found everything." I chuckled, remembering the scene when I had returned from my day out with Casey and her friends.

"She ignored your privacy in such a way and you just _told _her?"

Edward's reaction was the right one. It was probably the one I should have had, this being irritation and anger that she had invaded my private belongings.

"She was just trying to protect her little girl. We were sharing a room after all. Would you really let someone who had a dress printed with 'Newalk Asylum' live beside you and your child without asking questions?"

"How did she take it?"

"Peculiarly well," I murmured my wonder still present in my voice, even after all the years after the event. I still didn't know how my ability to ease people's opinions about me worked but it had definitely worked wonders on Renée that night.

"Do you think they'll remember you if they ever saw you again, the humans?"

"I would like to think so. I would like to think that even though they can't remember our time together, they still remember what we meant to each other." I sighed, realising that the sky had changed to be bathed in hazy gold rather than the crisp blue it had been before.

"Will you remember me?" Edward whispered and I wondered if I was meant to hear him.

I sat slowly and turned my body so I look down on his lying form.

The light breeze played with his bronze hair, blowing it across his face. I brushed his hair back, stroking through the thick silky feel of it.

"Forever and Eternity, Edward. I'll remember you for forever and eternity." I held up my left hand for emphasis, the platinum band looking almost a pale gold in the new soft twilight.

I smiled at the way it looked like a wedding ring, what a wonderful feeling it would be, knowing that Edward and I were bound in such a way.

I glanced up at Edward and his eyes were focussed on my ring, softness in his eyes.

"Come on, angel. Let's go home." For once when he said that I didn't think of my little stone cottage in the depth of the forest. I thought of the Jackson house on the edge of Black Lake. The Cullen's home. The plush white bed which me and Edward had shared last night, the bed I had welcomed him home in.

"Home sounds nice," I said and in a flash Edward was racing through the forest, me on his back, eyes wide open, heart thumping with the ecstatic adrenaline racing through my veins.

The run had been peaceful but cold since it was out of the sunshine. On the other hand, even in the sunshine it was never particularly warm, just a comfortable temperate heat that was similar to the temperature of England in the summer.

As soon as Edward entered the door his expression changed from something serene to confusion, anxiety and distress.

"Carlisle wants to talk." He narrowed his eyes in concentration. I presumed Carlisle was still blocking him.

"Then why are you still here with me?" I teased and gave him a light shove, he was gone instantly. I sighed at the silence in the house. It seemed everyone was out except for Esme and Carlisle; it was understandable since they had been separated for a few days, and just as me and Edward had had our reunion, they would be having theirs.

I sighed and wandered through to the kitchen, fixing a quick jam sandwich and then entering the dining room.

"Hello, Esme." I sunk into the polished oak chair and looked over the architecture plans Esme had in front of her.

"Hello, sweetie. Did you have a nice day?" she asked as she drew a few more details onto what looked like a large house set into a forest. Her lines were perfectly straight even though she didn't use a ruler.

"It was nice, such lovely weather. What are you doing?" I queried, the drawings in front of Esme were so complex and intricate I couldn't help but be interested.

"They're plans for a house we've bought up near Dartmouth. We'll have to move again in a few years time and it needs a lot of work done. I'm just getting the plans ready for the remodelling." She turned to me smiling, it was clear this was a passion of hers.

"It looks gorgeous. I love all the open spaces." I traced over the new lines she had drawn in to make the whole bottom floor flow like a river, circling around the core of the house that seemed to be a large square spiral stair case.

I glanced at Esme as she seemed distant from the conversation all of a sudden. Her eyes were fixed as if she were listening to something further away. My mind flashed to the conversation Carlisle and Edward would be having upstairs in his office. Just before she realised I was watching her, her face took on something close to shock and fear but before I knew it she had hidden away her expression.

"I used to live in a very boxed-in house, pokey little thing really. I hated it. That's why I always like houses with lots of space and light." Her voice wasn't right; she was trying to distract me.

"Well it really does look wonderful. Anyway...I think I'm going to go practice my piano, I don't want to get rusty." I smiled at her and caught the panic in her eyes before she came to give me a tight hug.

"I'll make you some dinner for later, lasagne and salad OK?" I nodded; my mind was reeling at what could possibly be talked about in Carlisle's office for Esme to act in such a way.

My mind was churning as I made my way up the stairs and settled myself on the piano bench.

My thoughts subsided as I felt the glossy cool surface of the piano keys beneath my fingertips.

I searched my mind for a song I knew well enough off by heart to play without sheet music. I had a form of a photographic memory so I picked out a piece easily.

My mind was tranquil as I played out the dreamy melody of Claude Debussy's _Reverie._

_Clair de Lune _was a favourite but _Reverie _held something that helped me tame my consciousness when it grew agitated.

"It can't have been, Carlisle." Edward's voice was faint but clearly raised. I could hear it above the piano tune and although my mind begged me to stop playing and listen harder, I knew I would never get any more answers if I let on that I could hear the conversation.

I continued through the intrigue plaguing my mind, striving to hear their heated conversation.

"NO! I refuse to let that happen!" Let what happen? What was going to happen?

My timing faltered on the melody as I became more worried.

"Carlisle, there has to be a way to stop it. Please, there has to be a way to change it." The anger was gone from Edward's voice, now it was just desperate and despairing.

Something was causing Edward to feel helpless. My mind shuddered at the possibilities.

I ended the song and sat in silence until I felt Edward's arms wrap around me. They were too hard, too desperate, too anguished.

I twisted in his arms to see his expression but it was black, too dark for me to find comfort in it. I wanted to look into his eyes and see that his disposition was still sunny. There was nothing sunny about him now; his body was pure winter, cold and withdrawn.

"Edward...?" My words were cut off by his lips rough and passionate against my own. It wasn't a happy passion; it was the type of passion lovers give each other as a parting gift. His kiss was hard and almost painful. Not physically but emotionally. There was a current passing between us that screamed something at me that I wished never to hear.

The end was near.

**A/N: Drama, drama drama. Review?**

**xxx**


	31. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: 10 000 hits!!!!!**

**So I would say we're at the half way point now, some of you might like that, others might think 'dear god how much longer is she going to drag this on', but it is what it is and this story was never going to be short and simple.**

**Hopefully this chapter will give you all a big hint as to what is to come, maybe not... I'm not sure.**

**Btw feel free to ask me any questions about, well, anything - story related (or not,although nothing too heavy like 'what is the meaning of life?') I'll try my best to answer them. I would also love to hear if you have picked up on any of the clues dotted through the chapters (mainly the last two and this one) **

**Happy Reading!**

**x**

My mind always drifts back to that day when Carlisle talked with Edward, the day that seemed to start the indefinite countdown to the end of my days in Belmore. It was a countdown that was always present but never acknowledged.

I had asked Edward so many times what Carlisle had said, but he never gave me an answer. Instead, his eyes filled with that look of winter and he kissed me with every ounce of emotion in his soul. His kisses ate away at me as much has the mystery of it all. If the others knew about the truth then they too refused to tell me. They just covered it up with a show of their own. Esme distracted me with cooking, reading, and interior design, Alice used shopping and fashion as her method of diversion, Rose engaged me in some snarky banter that allowed us both the vent we needed, Emmett just tackled me to the ground or threw me over his shoulder like a rag doll for a harmless Rottweiler to play with, Jasper used his gift and charm to distract me and Carlisle, well Carlisle spent endless hours analysing everything. Every inch of my physiology had been examined and tested. All these things I loved and enjoyed but none of it gave me an answer or any inkling of the ugly truth they hid.

Months had passed in this way of distraction and as each day passed I grew both more settled and more agitated in equal measure. In some ways their methods of distraction were the perfect cure for how I felt, but in other ways it just increased my concern because with each day that past, each test carried out, and each conversation had, their eyes showed that it was all a facade.

They may have been excellent liars, but not even the greatest liars could truly hide from those who loved them. In the months I had been a part of the family I had grown to love each of them in a way that was different. Because of this I saw the cracks in their facade; I just didn't know what was hiding below it.

Just as Valentine's Day had passed, so did April fools (Emmett's favourite day of the year apparently), and then the first day of summer. We were now into the late days of August, when the days were long and leisurely, and Edward and I spent days in the meadow or visiting the small spring that sat hidden nearby the house. At first we went as a family to the lake to swim and play in the water. However, unfortunately the temperature was far too cold for my human body, so we had changed preference to the heated spring that sat nestled in the mountain. It had amazing cliffs around the edge that, in the silence, played symphonies due to the water droplets trickling down the slate plinths. It was there that I had learnt how to swim and indulged in all the usual water fun a teenager girl did with her loved one. I smiled every time I remembered Edward's anxious expression as he watched me climb to very tallest cliff and walk to the looming plinth that Emmett would often leap off to bomb into the water; he had nearly emptied the pool the last time he had done such an act. I had tiptoed to the edge, loving the adrenaline blasting in my veins, and finally dived off the edge to plunge into the mild water, sinking to the very bottom of the dark pool.

It had been such a pretty sight, the sunlight streaking down through the water, refracting and reflecting off the etched dark stone bottom. Fragments of silver, blue, and mauve danced along the bottom of the pool, visible through the crystal clear spring water. It had been beautiful, and its beauty was only enhanced when Edward sunk down to join me at the bottom, offering me a gasp of air from his lungs. It was loaded with his taste, and I had nearly fainted at the intense feeling it released as it seeped into me. Even as I tried now to remember the taste and scent that had clouded my mind I could never do it justice.

It scared me a little if I couldn't even remember a scent clearly after a few months, then how would I ever remember Edward clearly? I knew I would meet his human self, that much was already known to me. But he wouldn't look exactly the same, and I didn't want to forget about the subtle differences that made my vampire who he was. Also I didn't know how old he would be. I had at first assumed that he would be seventeen and on his death bed- a horrible enough thought- but then my mind started to twist and turn. The thoughts it came up with were in some ways better and others ways worse.

What if he was so much younger than me? How would I react to the love I felt for him when he was still a child? The idea repulsed me; the idea that I would have such feelings for a little boy, no matter that he would grow into a man. How would I adapt the passion I felt for Edward so that it could be tailored to a much younger human form?

If that possibility wasn't bad enough, I then thought, what if I merely met his parents? What if Edward wasn't around and I only had the chance to talk with his parents without even setting eyes on his human self? After all, Edward had only told me that his parent's knew I cared for them. He hadn't actually mentioned any interaction between us. Only that he had a memory of my eyes and my melody, but they could have been just dredged up memories from his childhood.

These thoughts had raced through my mind and, in a way, had been my own distraction for myself, something that riddled my brain when I had the few rare moments alone.

Edward was the reason those moments were so rare. He hardly let me out of his sight, and if I did travel from his gaze I was always met by the same intense relief in his eyes when I returned. I knew it was because eventually there would be a time when I would leave his sight and not return.

"Sarelle, come back to me, angel." I snapped out of my reverie, clearing my daze to see Edward's playful smile.

"Sorry, I was a little lost in my own mind," I mumbled, still trying to pack away the muddled thoughts of the last few months.

"I completely understand. I could easily get consumed by your beautiful mind," Edward said, his face a mask of seriousness until I rolled my eyes at his romantic notion.

"Did you just mock my words, Miss St Clair?" he teased, tickling my sides and causing free laughter to bubble from me.

"I did no such thing," I gasped in between bouts of giggling.

"I think you did."

"Please, stop." I begged half heartedly, trying to wriggle from his tickling hands but failing miserably.

"'Please' isn't enough, Miss St Clair. You know what I want." His eyes darkened and I shook my head vehemently. We had run in this merry circle so many times during our nine month relationship but nothing ever changed.

"Just say you'll marry me and I'll release you." He murmured in my ear. He was no longer tickling me, just holding me captive in his iron hold.

"Edward...." I sighed. I couldn't resist him in most things but this I couldn't just bend to his will. It wasn't that I didn't want him but I didn't want to marry him when I knew it was fuelled by desperation.

"Just think, angel, we could marry in a month. Alice could do the decorations and Emmett could be the preacher. It could be small and private." He whispered in my ear, and I saw it all; Alice as my maid of honour, Rosalie at the piano playing the canon in a wonderful piano version. Jasper standing beside Edward as his best man, Emmett as the preacher- all be it a comical version- Esme playing the role of proud mother of the groom and doting hostess to our few guests, and Carlisle walking beside me up the aisle to give me away.

It would be at twilight and there would be garlands of white roses marking the aisle, and they would wind around the simple wooden alter, which would be situated on the small pier on the edge of Black Lake. We would get married when the glassy water's surface glittered with rosy hues and the sun had started its descent into the horizon so my vampire family didn't provoke suspicion. My bouquet would be made of a lovely selection of meadow flowers from our special place and would be tied with a flowing white silk ribbon which would match my dress.

It was all so clear and enticing in my head, but I couldn't do it just because Edward was racing against the ticking clock. Or against a future event he refused to enlighten me to.

"Edward, I'm only fifteen." I countered and watched as the possible marriage washed away in my mind.

"We could get a fake birth certificate, no one would ever know, and then we could be married and then the honeymoon..." His eyes smouldered and I very nearly gave in, just for that look.

"You know people would realise I'm not actually sixteen. Clara and Steven know my birthday along with their families." I was a firmer part of the community now since I ventured into town more regularly.

"Just a small glitch," he muttered as he lavished my skin with kisses, possessive and seductive kisses. His body loomed over mine as he rolled me over into the meadows lush green grass. Summer suited the meadow.

"A missing birthday is a little more than a 'small glitch', I think people might notice." I giggled involuntarily as he swirled his tongue over my pulse and under my ear.

"Elopement?" he suggested hopefully, his voice moaning softly as I tickled his earlobe with my lips.

"Alice would hunt me down and kill me before the _honeymoon_ even started." I grinned as he sighed in resignation.

"When are you sixteen, again?" he asked sarcastically. He had my birthday firmly embedded in his mind. 10th October.

"Two months, darling, just two little months." I winked at him and couldn't help but chuckle as he dropped his head onto my chest in mock despair.

"I _want_ you now." He pressed his body into mine and his eyes seemed to burn with pure fire. I gasped at the intensity of his gaze and the dominance of his voice.

He knew where we stood on the intimacy before marriage; although it was flattering to hear that he struggled so much.

"Edward Cullen, how dare you lead me to this beautiful meadow, just to have your wicked way with me!" I teased him, forming my face into a false mask of anger and shock. I moved my body to rise from my bed in the meadow flowers, but his body held firm and his hands shot up to hold mine above my head.

"I blame you entirely for being such a delectable tease." His hands ghosted over my emerald green wrap dress, slowing when he reached the bare skin of my leg.

"I'm not tease!" I cried out until he bent to lay a kiss over my collar bone.

I loved the effect I had on him, and I loved winding him up even more.

"I'm not a tease because... _I plan to deliver_." My voice was so quiet it could have been mistaken for a whisper on the wind through the treetops but Edward heard it, and I relished the raw sound my words extracted from him.

"Now if you're done holding me captive, I'm a little hungry." Edward rolled off me, and I crawled towards the picnic basket that sat central in the blanket.

I smirked as Edward shook away his less gentlemanly thoughts. I popped grapes into my mouth at a speed that suggested they would disappear any minute.

I used to have manners concerning food but ever since the asylum I had treasured food and ate it quickly.

"Do you miss food?" I asked as I took a gulp of orange juice.

"Not really. It doesn't appeal to me now."

"Do you think I'll miss food?" Edward's eyes hardened immediately.

"Sarelle, you are not being changed. We have discussed this." His voice was cold but I ignored his change in mood.

"Edward. Carlisle said it might be the solution to my jumping." Edward's fingers came up to pinch the bridge of his nose, the way he always did when he was stressed or angry. It usually happened during this conversation, we'd had it enough time for me to notice the pattern.

"It's just a theory. It's not definite. I swore I would never let that happen to you, so I'm not going to just stand back and ...let you _condemn_ yourself. I will do anything to save you from that happening."

"It's not_ just_ a theory, it's the _only_ theory. Are you really going to be so stubborn that you would rather watch me jump and leave you without even trying rather than see me be changed and have the possibility that it could stop the jumps?" My anger was rising, no matter how much I loved Edward I knew his imperfections, his stubbornness and tendency to be a little pessimistic and controlling.

"Sarelle. You have no idea what you're _risking,_" he strained as his hands grasped in his hair.

"If this is about my soul then there is no risk at all. I'm not like you, Edward, I don't fear condemnation. To me, I'd just be changing form not trading my soul for that of a monster, damned to hell." His eyes flashed to mine before his head fell into his hands. I moved to be close to him, bringing my arms around his body.

"Edward, remember that night you returned from your hunting trip?" He didn't move so I continued.

"That night I looked into your eyes and I felt like your soul was laid bare in front of me, visible in your eyes." Edward's sorrowful eyes looked into mine and I smiled as I swept my fingertips over his sculpted cheekbones.

"It was beautiful, Edward. I know you've killed, and I know you've done things you're not proud of, but none of that affects your soul. Nothing could ever make me think you a monster, and I would hope, if I didn't become what you are, that you wouldn't think me a monster."

"Of course not, you'll always be my angel, Sarelle, but..." I stopped him my placing my fingers on his lips.

"No 'buts', let's just end it right there." I smiled and his pained expression cleared a little.

"Come on let's go home." I quickly placed a kiss on his cheek before starting to pack up the picnic. It had been a nice day, but I had promised Carlisle that I would try his new medical machine. It was an EEG; apparently it measured electrical pulses within the brain. He had decided that since my jumps were signalled by an electrical tingle, it may show something. To me it was just another test that would probably prove to be inconclusive, but it was worth a try.

I went straight up to Carlisle's office went we returned home, home being the Cullen's house permanently now. It was part of Edward's plan to never let me out of his sight. There was the compromise that the Cullens bought the cottage and would continue to own it for as long as I wanted.

As I walked into the office I noticed Carlisle working on something but he swiftly folded up his project and tucked it away into his desk, clearing his expression into the false happiness he seemed to wear a lot around me. It was his mask for his form of distraction just like all the others had their own.

"OK, where do you want me, doctor?" I grinned, pushing the constant niggling thoughts to the back of my mind.

"Just this way, Sarelle." He came and wrapped his arm around my shoulders as he guided me to wear I needed to be. I breathed his minty fresh fragrance; it was comforting in the same way my father's cologne had been when he was alive. I held my locket in my hand as I watched Carlisle set up all the machinery.

"You'll have to remove all metal, Sarelle." Carlisle said cautiously. He knew I rarely took off my locket, only when I either had to or there was water involved.

I sighed and stripped myself of all the pieces of jewellery that were precious due to their sentimental value.

Test number 54, commencing...

* * * * *

The EEG test results would take time to collate so we would be no further forward, if any, until Monday. That gave me a weekend to consider what strange anomalies could be hidden in my brain.

"Hey, Esme, something smells good," I said as I swept into the kitchen. The mouth-watering aroma of roast chicken and steamed vegetables drifted through the air.

"Dinner will be about twenty minutes, sweetie." Esme smiled at me and I gave her thankful hug before pouring a glass of water.

"How are things going with the Dartmouth mansion?" I enquired as I took a sip of the ice cold water and looked down at the interior design swatches she had scattered on the kitchen table. They were ready for her to peruse for the current children's ward project she had taken on.

"The builder's are taking their time with the demolition but other than that it's running smoothly."

"You should just send Emmett down there; he'd have it down to rumble in seconds." I grinned as I thought of Emmett and his almost childlike outlook on life. If only things could truly be as simple as they were in Emmett's head.

"Damn rights, Saz," Emmett said as he came through the kitchen carrying a large greasy engine held high above his head in one hand.

"Emmett, have you just walked through the whole house with that thing?" Esme scolded softly.

"Maybe." Emmett grinned, an expression of innocence on his face as he tried to pout pleadingly.

"Emmett, that pout only looks right on Alice. On you it looks a little creepy," I said smirking at him.

"Damn pixie gets away with everything," he grumbled before he dashed out the kitchen at blinding speed, probably because Rosalie was calling him and getting impatient.

Piano music drifted down the stairwell and it called me home like it always did. I had a feeling it always would.

Even when I heard Rosalie play I knew instantly the difference between Edward's soulful melodies and her own.

As I entered the circular piano room he changed his tune into my song, my serenade. He had named it _Serenata dell'Angelo_, a fancy Italian name since I had teased him, saying all great composers gave their compositions fancy foreign names.

I smiled as the notes soaked through my body and resonated in my bones, vibrating right at the core of me.

I swayed to the slowly building music, dancing slightly with my simple glass of water in hand and my body clad in Floridian clothes. I had changed after Carlisle's test, so instead of my green dress I was wearing torn denim shorts and an Alice-altered t-shirt. My hair was flowing freely down my back in swishing layers of blonde waves, and I spun slowly, smiling at Edward as he watched me from the piano, red sunlight bouncing off the glossy black top.

This was simple and happy.

Then everything became complicated.

My eyes became blinded by the sunlight as it spilled over the clouds in a wash of near ruby red colour.

No sooner had I seen the unnerving sight, than I felt it. It was circling around my fingers making them temporarily numb.

I dropped the glass and water spilled out around my feet, reflecting the red glow from the sunset, making me look like I was standing in blood while the shards of glass glinting around my feet.

"No," I whispered, or mouthed, it didn't feel like I had the strength to speak.

"No, no, _no_, NO." My voice rose with each exclamation, I was reaching hysterics and Edward's arms were around me instantly, lifting me from the wreckage of the shattered glass.

"Sarelle?" He checked me over, looking for a reason for my distress. He would find no physical reason because the tingle didn't leave a physical mark.

"It's here, Edward. I thought I had years but it's here." My voice broke, and I sobbed into his shoulder as he stood frozen with me in his arms as if I was his bride.

Was it considered ironic that he was holding me in such a way when now it was possible such a thing would never happen?

Only one thing I was certain, the tingle had come back into my life and it was set to ruin everything.

**A/N: OK don't hate me too much, also if anyone has any interpretations of how they imagine Edward's **_**Serenata dell'Angelo **_**to sound I would love to hear about them. I've been searching around for one that fits. I've come close but there's always something missing. (Then again I've been searching through nearly all of Yiruma's work, very sweet composer)**

**Review, please?**

**xxx**


	32. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: I really cannot thank you all enough for the support and encouragement you have given this story. This chapter has been written for about a month now so I'm glad to finally be posting it. I just wanted to give a shout out to some of the other fanfic's written on here. If you're bored of Bella and Edward stories, or just want a change then check these out:**

**Root before Branches (and its sequel) - amazing writing and the storyline has you hooked from the start. I can't say enough how much I love this story.**

**Burning Past - This story has a lot of intrigue and a character that makes you want to learn more about her. It also has a good plot that doesn't centre completely around all things Edward based so it keeps you wanting to keep reading. Big thumbs up to Isabella Emery :)**

**Finally (although my list is pretty long)...La Vie en Noire - You can't help but love Lia, even though she's flawed. It's a really good story with a lead character that's entertaining and heartbreaking at the same time.**

**Anways Happy Reading!**

**x**

How do you say goodbye to six people who mean the world to you?

How do you even begin to muster the courage to leave them behind when it's the very last thing you want to do?

The answer to these questions is that you can't do it - willingly. There is no way you can even begin to find the ideal way to leave behind a life you want. It's a similar feeling to straining against a bungee cord. Its goes against the grain, because you want nothing more but to let go and give in to the pull bringing you back. The only difference now was that I couldn't let go and go back. I was being forced to keep walking forward, to keep tightening the cord and increasing the tension.

The tingle had been present in my life for a few weeks and it had reached the point of disrupting my life drastically. I couldn't sleep because I was too scared it would take me in my sleep. I could barely eat because it made my stomach flutter with nerves and sickness. I was exhausted, and there were times when it would come in waves and cause my body to fall, too weak to stand. In those times I had to clutch Edward's body to stay steady on my feet.

We all knew when it first arrived that I only had a couple of weeks left at best, so the time had been spent in a way that was meant to tie up loose ends and prepare for goodbyes.

In a way it worked. Carlisle gave me my EEG test results which showed my brain did indeed have abnormal electrical impulses. He carried out more tests with the tingle was present and told me that with each fluctuation my brain showed signs similar to epilepsy, although that was as much as he could tell me. He didn't know why these 'fits' would cause me to jump through time.

He also told me that even if I was changed there were too many risks involved. The venom could trigger and react with the electrical impulses. It could destroy me either by the excessive electricity, or the velocity and power of the possible consequential jumps. When he told me this I didn't believe him at first. I thought Edward had just told him to dissuade me from that path, but then I saw the expression in his eyes. He may not have known much about my condition, but he knew a lot about vampires and their physiology. According to his research, electricity was one of the reasons vampires existed and were animated without blood in their veins. It was because of this that he said my body may not be able to cope with the level of electricity. The usual electricity of the change added with the tingle may be too much. I was back to square one with seemingly no escape from my condition.

Alice, Esme, and Rose helped me pack my bag with things that I would need on my travels. Clothes were Alice's forte, and she ensured I had everything I would need for the various seasons and places. She even bought a couple of vintage dresses for me to wear in the past since my own were now too small. Esme focussed on the memories and sentimental objects, giving me a photo album for my photos and a new diary to fill out since my old one was full. Rose was less conventional and gave me a can of pepper spray and something called a Taser. She may not have been as vocal about our relationship, but she said that since I seemed to attract violence it would be best for me to be prepared.

Emmett and Jasper did as all big brothers did; they taught me how to defend myself, how to pick a lock, and how to break the rules without getting caught.

Me and Edward even paid one last visit ot my small cottage in the woods to spend a night alone together in the place we had started our romance. It was odd being back there but somehow it still held a feeling of home. I knew it always would because the Esme wouldn't let it fall into disrepair.

All these things filled time and kept me occupied, but they weren't enough, nothing would ever be enough because I still have to leave. Nothing would ever make that fact any better.

However, it was fact I had accepted, so I tried not to cry when I said my goodbyes to the family I felt I belonged to. I didn't let myself shed any tears as I was gripped in tight hugs from each family member.

I didn't even cry when Edward ran with me through the forest, my pink silk sundress fluttering as he sped towards our final departure place.

The meadow. Our Meadow.

It was a strange feeling being in love, knowing with absolute certainty that the person you're in love with is the person you're meant to be with, but all the while knowing that it had to end. It was such a conflicting ride of emotion, being so happy but also feeling that it was wrong to feel it because it would only cause you to hurt more when the inevitable end came.

I had lived in this state ever since the tingle first started, and I had battled with what was the right route to take. Did I love with all my capacity and indulge in every second I was with Edward, even though the pain would be so much worse when I let him go? Or did I back away and distance myself in the hope that the pain would be lessened by the space between us? In reality, the latter was never an option. It would never have changed the hurt I was bound to feel. It would have only hurt Edward, and I couldn't bring myself to do that to him.

The sun beamed above me as I walked solemnly to the centre of the meadow, my eyes focussed on the tree with the peculiar carved cross. The grass gave me longing brushes as if saying its own goodbye while I walked. The meadow was just a beautiful as ever, but it didn't hold the same light-hearted happiness it had on all the previous visits. That was because this time it would be the place of our end, the place where we would have to say goodbye until we met again, whenever that may be.

I turned slowly to look at Edward where he stood in the shadows. Just from his posture I knew he couldn't accept this was the end. He didn't want to fully enter the meadow and accept what it meant. By hiding in the shadows it was as if he was hiding from the harsh facts that shone unavoidably like the sunlight. He was hiding from the fact that he had to watch me go when he was powerless to stop it.

I wanted to show him how I felt, not a simple 'I love you' but the way that I saw the meaning of those three words in my head. If this was to be our grand finale then I wanted it to be everything it was meant to be because our relationship at least deserved that.

"Edward, millions of people walk through this life alone. They all search for that spark which promises to give them a little bit of peace and comfort. Like a match burning in a cavern."My voice was slipping into a flat tone as the tears threatened to block my throat.

"This spark, for some, grows into infatuation. Like candlelight. It's warm, seductive and makes everything seem better because it hides the secrets we don't want to tell, or don't feel ready to tell." I looked up to give him a small smile, remembering how we had hidden our own secrets for fear that they would be the cause of us losing each other. His face seemed to try to show some happiness but couldn't. Instead, he ran a hand through his hair, the only way for him to express the stress this situation was causing him.

"After that... After that period of deciding whether you can trust that person, whether you want them to see you for what you truly are- secrets and all- you take the step into the sunlight and everything gets illuminated in vibrant colour. Everything is visible and accepted because that's love. It's open, honest, and real."

I sighed, and it shook as it left my lungs due to the tension it took to stop the tears from cracking my voice, stopping my emotion from breaking me completely.

"Will you stand in the sunlight with me, Edward, just one more time before I have to go back to living in the darkness of the night?" My voice wobbled, and I felt the first tear tickle my cheek as it fell. I looked to the shadows and Edward's eyes looked heartbroken. He walked towards my vulnerable figure in strong but helpless human-paced steps, his skin radiantly beautiful as it glittered fantastically. He was like my guiding light, the beacon for every one of my heart's desires.

I ran to him when he was only metres away and we collided in a perfect motion of a passionate kisses and tight embraces.

As he clutched me to him I felt my heart breaking under the weight of what was coming. I didn't want to leave him, the very idea was inconceivable. How would life be anything but bleak misery when I had to exist without him?

"Sarelle, you'll never be alone in the darkness. I will be there with you, like you will be with me. You will be the starlight that pierces the black velvet sky. The moonlight that silvers everything it touches. The glimmer on the horizon that I will look towards until the time comes when our day dawns again." As he spoke he cupped my face and my gaze could look nowhere else but into his frenzied golden eyes. They held so much hope and desperation because he only knew that my future would lead me to his past self, he had no way of knowing if we would ever see each other again in _his_ future.

"This is not the end, Sarelle. It _will not_ be the end," he whispered, and his voice held such determination but it was flawed. He couldn't possible know whether it was the end or not. He had no idea what fate had planned for us that was why it was fate. It could do whatever it wants without ever having to bend to our wants, desires, or expectations.

"Edward, what if it is? What if this is all we get, this present, these few months when we were both aware of what we mean to each other?" I stroked his forearms as I talked, soaking up everything I could about him.

His silken skin, cool to touch but able to warm me with the electricity it brought. The divine scent of him, gloriously masculine and able to muddle my brain whenever our bodies are close. The perfect structure of his body that was so very strong and safe, but also gentle and thrilling. There was not one part of him that I wanted to forget or change. Not that he was perfect because he certainly had flaws, but they enhanced who he was instead of faulting it. I loved that at times he lost himself to his emotions, and I loved that he could be stubborn and hot-headed. I adored his cute frustration about being unable to read my thoughts without touch, and the way it created a faint crease in between his eyebrows. I would forever melt at the way he could dazzle me to a point of complete submission, no matter how much I pretended to resent it.

All of this I loved and wanted in my life forever, but all of this I would have to give up until I saw him again.

"If this is meant to be the end then I refuse to accept it, and I will never accept it because the sun must always rise, Sarelle, it's inevitable." I smiled at him but it was watery.

"I'll age, Edward. What if I don't see you again until I'm old?" The idea that when he meets me in his future I could be an old lady was enough to make my body shake. It was too horrible to even think of. I knew I would always love him no matter what, but how could he love an old woman? We certainly wouldn't be able to properly be together in public, it would repulse people. The image of me old and grey, standing in Edward's arms as I was now, made my throat ache as the lump grew and my stomach churned. It would be too much. I don't think I could live with the idea, no matter how much I wanted to be with him. I couldn't force him to love me when I was wrinkled, grey, and sagging.

"You think I would turn away from you just because you aged naturally? You are beautiful to me, Sarelle, and you will always be beautiful to me, no matter how many years line your face." He stroked away the frown lines that had developed on my forehead from my crumpled sad face.

The tingle pulsed and Edward's face showed that he felt it. For most humans it didn't register, but it seemed vampires could feel it when it got to its strongest level.

I felt my body weaken under the force of it as I fought to keep myself here for a little longer. I panted as I doubled over, bracing myself on my knees as I recovered.

"Sarelle, don't do this to yourself." Edward wrapped his arms around me, ducking to lift my legs into a bridal style hold.

I collapsed into his waiting arms and whimpered against the buzz that raced in the air around me. I had never hated it more than I did in this moment.

I brought my hand up to trace the sculpted planes of Edward's face before resting it against his cheek, savouring the cold against my skin.

_I can't do this, Edward. I'm not strong enough, not this time. No matter how many times I've jumped or what has happened I've survived. I don't think I can survive this._ Edward dipped to the ground, resting me on his knee, my body cradled in his arms.

"You're a fighter, Sarelle. You always have been. You're far too stubborn to give in. We'll survive this, our love will survive this." He brought my left hand up to his lips and kissed the eternity ring he had given me before kissing my wrist, my cheeks, my forehead, my neck. Each point sang with his touch but each made my heart constrict because I knew it was the last time I would feel his kisses in those places for a long time. Maybe I would never feel his cool touch on my skin. Maybe I had to accept that. Maybe I was wrong to try and hold onto him when I had no idea how long I would make him wait.

_If I asked you to do something for me, would you do it?_ I asked through my thoughts. I didn't feel strong enough to talk so I brought my hand to rest on his, allowing my mind to be open to his gift.

His eyes burned down into mine as he clutched my face in his hands.

"Anything." His voice was rough velvet against my ears.

_When I go... Let me go_. As soon as I thought the words I felt my heart rebel against them. Still, I focussed my mind to ensure that Edward knew it was what I wanted, or at least what he needed.

"Why are you saying this? I don't understand. How can you expect me to just forget about you, drop my feelings?" He shook his head in disbelief and dropped his hands from my body. Running his hand through his hair as his stress ruled his body.

"I love you, Edward. More than anything, but because of that I can't force you to wait for me. We have no idea how long we could be apart, or if we'll ever be together again. I _will not_ have you spending your time in loneliness. It's too precious." I brought his face back to mine so I could watch his eyes and read his emotions, no matter how painful they were too see.

"But I love you, Sarelle, you're my angel," he whispered as he rested his forehead on mine, brushing his nose against mine.

_My father once told me:_

_'Time is free, but it's priceless._

_You can't own it, but you can use it._

_You can't keep it, but you can spend it._

_Once you've lost it you can never get it back.'_

_You may live forever, Edward, but time is just as precious to you as it is to me. You will not waste it. In fact, I will be most annoyed if you do._ I forced a weak smile onto my face as I sent him my thoughts and Edward's eyes flickered with brief amusement at my dominant demand.

"I can't just let you go, Sarelle. _Please_ don't make me make you a promise when I can't keep it." I had never seen this side of Edward. Every time I looked at his face it only brought more tears to my eyes. His voice was so full of pain and desperation that it took all I had not to cover his mouth with my hand and tell him over and over again that it would be OK, to just forget my promise. I knew he would be crying if he could, and that hurt me more than anything.

_Edward, look at me,_ I called to him in my mind. _If we find each other again and there is no one else in your heart, then your promise will be obsolete. Believe me, Edward, I can't even begin to tell you how badly I want that to be the case. However, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't tell you to at least look for love in my absence, or if I told you to love no one else but me. I could never be that selfish. Not when it concerns you._

"Sarelle, I don't want anyone else. I don't want to even think about loving anyone but you."

_I know you don't now but one day that might change. I'm telling you to do this so that you can be happy. This hurts so much, Edward, but please, if you won't do it for yourself, then do it for me. I want you to love again. I want you to have that beautiful spark in your eyes again. I want you to embrace it if it comes. _He looked me straight in the eye, and I could see the pain and confusion written all over his beautiful stone face.

"Sarelle…" he moaned, his voice aching with pain as he turned his face away. He squeezed my hands much harder than I think he realized but it was just an echo of the tension buried down in my chest, constricting my heart.

"Please, Edward…" I whispered desperately as the tears took over once again and my hand stroked through his hair.

"I promise," he answered finally. The words held a bitter resentful edge and I knew he only agreed because, just as I couldn't deny him another chance at a happily ever after, he couldn't deny me my wish.

_Thank you, Edward._ "Now kiss me. Kiss me as if it's the last time." My lips trembled as I repeated the quote from Casablanca, the film we had seen on our first date, the date when we were so eager for the future of our relationship. It was a time when life seemed perfect and carefree.

Edward crushed me to him, holding me tight in his iron grip. His lips were passionate and desperate against mine as he lifted my feet off the meadow's grassy floor. My sack swung out around me as he spun me in our moment of ardour.

The tingle pulsed again and this time I felt it almost eat away at me.

I had run out of time.

Not even minutes were left for me to indulge in.

"No," Edward growled against my lips as he felt it too. He had lost all reserve now as our hands raced over each other. Mine laced tightly in his hair and his running over my waist in fevered lust filled touches. We were absorbing every single inch of each other, committing these sensations to memory before they ended.

I whimpered in urgent desire as the tingle started to creep up from my toes. Taking me away as I stayed grasped in Edward's arms, his tongue now tentatively running across my lower lip on a rash arduous whim.

As the tingle reached my waist I gasped away from Edward's lips, taking one last hard kiss from their pouted form before unwillingly leaving his embrace.

"Goodbye, Edward." I leapt away so I didn't harm him as the electricity pulsed violently.

Before I fell into darkness I saw Edward's broken form try to reach for me in a half-hearted attempt.

"I'll save you... my angel." He sobbed. His eyes held an immortal's sorrow and as I thought of the pain in their amber depths I felt like I might cripple under the anguish.

As I solidified in a dark room I felt that maybe this was fate's attempt at sweetening the bitter situation it had placed me in.

An electric light flicked on and blinded me. I crumbled onto the tan leather sofa vaguely visible in my blurred teary vision and then all I felt was soft human arms wrapping around my shaking, sobbing form.

"Oh honey, what's wrong?" said Her worried voice.

Yes, perhaps this was the sugar fate was giving me to make the bitter medicine go down and it had given me Her to fill the role of Mary Poppins.

**A/N: So you all knew it was coming, did it measure up?**


	33. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: This might seem a little bit New Moonish at the beginning, but I hope I get across that, even though they're very similar, Sarelle and Bella are subtly different characters.**

**Song based Inspiration: You could be happy - Snow Patrol**

"It's over."

"Sarelle? Where have you been, what's over?" Her voice was soft and curious, maybe even worried. Why was she worried?

Because my breathing is tearing out of my lungs.

"I said 'goodbye' and now it's over."

"I don't understand, Sarelle." Her voice was more panicked now. Was I supposed to panic? Was that the right thing to do when your heart feels like it is trapped in a vice, unable to beat?

"He's gone and everything is over." Why does it hurt to think his name, to say it? Why did _this_ hurt so much? How can I survive the horrific nightmares but the loss of a dream is unbearable?

My words were jumbled and staggered. They reflected my mind perfectly. Nothing ran smoothly, it was all just disjointed and unclear.

I was lost; my soul was lost because it had been torn from its other half.

Torn, ripped, broken.

Must be fixed, must be reunited, must be rebuilt. But how?

Epiphany was a fine thing to behold, and it came to me like lightning striking the ground. Fast and furious, cutting through the dark.

"I just need to find him, he exists. I just have to find him, and then I will be fixed. No monsters. I will be perfect. We'll be perfect." I rose from my place beside Her. I walked steadily to the front door, a small smile plastered on my face. My eyes were clear of tears so I saw Her confused expression. I didn't feel confusion. I knew what had happened and I knew what I had to do to find him. I had to get out of this house, no matter Her protests and questions.

I opened the front door and bright sunlight blinded my eyes.

I gasped.

The beautiful day outside reminded me of our days in the meadow.

His glittering skin, his touches, his eyes, his voice, his love. I drowned in everything he was.

I drowned and I fell. I felt my body sinking down to the ground. First my knees hit the soft wooden floor, then my palms caught my weight as the dry sobs started to rip me apart, finally I felt myself curl into the cold feel the floor gave me.

Just like him.

The waves of pain came, and I let them wash over me mercilessly while Her arms held me in perplexed comfort.

I did not resurface, not for hours, maybe not even for days, but eventually a time came when my conscious broke the surface of the misery I had swam in.

My body was still clad in the pale pink sundress I had worn when...

My mind stopped me immediately. Now was too early and raw to think of...

I rose clumsily from the foreign white bed and examined my surroundings. I was in a bedroom although it didn't seem to belong to anyone. It was decorated with simple furniture and pale yellow walls. My gaze drifted to the window opposite me, light filtered hazily through the transparent drapes. It was sunny outside, brighter than I had seen in many months.

A soft knock on the door interrupted the muffled silence. My body felt like it hadn't been truly alive for an extensive amount of time.

I didn't vocally answer the door but I crept off the bed, weak and wobbling like a newborn lamb.

I opened the door carefully and glanced upon Renée's surprised blue eyes.

"Sarelle, honey, you're up." She smiled and bustled into the room, placing a tray of food on the small white bedside table and peeling apart the drapes.

The room flooded with sunlight and I grimaced against the intensity. I had been in the dark for so long, in more ways than one.

"You should eat something, Hun. It's been nearly a week and you've hardly eaten." Renée's voice was soft as she offered me the glass of orange juice.

I took it dumbly, holding it in my hand as I looked down into the vibrant colour. I didn't _feel_ hungry. I didn't feel very much at all. Not even the pain of before, the pain of losing...

I _should _feel something. It was normal and right to feel something. Was it possible to use up your life's quota of emotion in a matter of a few days?

"Sarelle, are you going to drink that?" Renée's teasing smile didn't reach her eyes. I hadn't realised I had been staring down at the juice for so long.

I brought the juice up to my lips and took a sip. The fruity citrus flavour danced on my tongue.

A faint smile flickered on my lips.

"Thank you, Renée," I said but my voice was cracked and hoarse. What had I been doing for the past few days? I couldn't remember anything from my numb state, just darkness. I placed the orange juice back on the tray; I would make a point to finish the meal later.

"No problem, anything you want, just ask." She gave me a small hug, and although I was rigid and tense at first, I soon relaxed into her arms.

"I want to be with him again." I sniffled into her shoulder. It was the act of a lovesick teenager, which in a way was what I was. But to me it felt like so much more. So much more mature, deep and lasting. I always considered myself older than my years, but it seemed no matter how much more mature I felt in everyday life, heartbreak could still reduce me to the youth I was meant to be.

"Oh, honey." She stroked my hair, running her fingers through to rid it of the knots.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked. Would it help? Could just talking make everything better?

"I think... I just want to distract myself. I can't think about it, it just hurts." I exhaled forcefully to stop the lump from forming in my throat.

I knew this was coming, Edward and I had known our end was chasing us from the very beginning. If I knew it to be inevitable, why did heartbreak still catch me by surprise?

"Distraction I can do. How about you get yourself showered and sorted, and we'll have a good catch up. Phil will be home later so we have a few hours for some girl time." I nodded before following Renée as she buzzed around the top floor, gathering showering items. I registered her mentioning 'Phil' but I didn't press for understanding. That would come later.

"OK, honey, I'll get some towels for you. Have you got clothes?"

"Yes, I have clothes." I glanced towards my bag in the corner of the room. I knew I had more than enough outfits stashed within, but part of me didn't want to open the bag up. It seemed to resemble Pandora's Box in my mind, filled with things I didn't want to let out again – not after finally closing the lid.

I followed Renée out of the room towards a shining lime green and white bathroom. My mind wandered aimlessly and her chattering faded from my ears as I stared into space, not really seeing my surroundings.

"Right, well that's the shower running. The door sticks a bit so you have to give it a big tug. Just bring your food down with you." She bumbled around the room as it started to fill with steam.

I just nodded and stood until she was finished organising the things. My body felt odd like it was gradually waking up from a jump, only this time it was sluggish.

"See you in a bit." Renée turned to leave.

"And Sarelle... It's nice to see you again, more like yourself." She smiled a little before shutting the door behind her, leaving me in the steam filled room.

Steadily I undressed and eased myself into the shower. It was heavenly.

My muscles relaxed and my mind finally caught up to its usual speed. I could finally feel something, and it hurt deeper than any loss I had previously suffered. The tears burst free closely followed by the angry need to exact my rage on something, to scream and throw a tantrum over the injustice I had been dealt.

I knew Edward and I had to hit a wall, fate had made that perfectly clear. So, what had I expected? Did I honestly think that the future's course could be changed by my desires? No, I wasn't that naive or at least I hoped I wasn't. If I was, then perhaps it was triggered by desperation and hope because the end was too terrible to consider.

Yet of course it had come, more swiftly than I expected.

The water drained away down the plughole, taking with it the last of my tears. I wouldn't cry anymore. Wallowing would get me nowhere. It wouldn't bring me to him, only living and the passing of time could do that.

Since I would have to endure this time without him regardless I may as well enjoy it, or at least not waste it. That had always been my mindset and this time of heartbreak would not change anything.

I glanced at the locket that lay resting on my pale pink dress, glinting in the sunlight. I wished my mother could be here to whisper her support while my father joked and entertained until I felt nothing of the previous pain. Alas they weren't here, they never would be again, and in truth I no longer missed them in the way I did before. It wasn't that their memory was forgotten or unwanted, but instead that I no longer felt I needed them. I had grown up and matured. I was able to survive alone if I had to.

It was the same with Edward. I missed him and I wanted him more than anything, but I didn't _need_ him. He wasn't my life source, but he _was_ the reason that made life worth living.

I turned the shower off after washing my hair and wrapped myself up in the bright red, fluffy towel Renée had lent me.

As I dried myself off I looked up into the mirror and smiled at my reflection. I looked alive. My eyes were bright and my skin was rosy. I wasn't a zombie; I had swiftly evaded that trap.

I knew I could have sunk further into the emotions. They were certainly strong enough to hold me prisoner for months, but I wasn't weak or resigned. That state of mind had never settled well in my consciousness. I fought my monsters, and although I didn't always win I never let them overrule me. To embrace numbness was too easy; I was too stubborn to take the easy option. If my mother was here I knew she would say it was because of the fire in my eyes, and my father would give me a proud pat on the back for following in his tenacious footsteps.

I dressed back into my pale pink dress although I was sure Renée expected me to bring it down for her to wash. I quickly returned to the room I had been in and retrieved the tray of food to bring downstairs with me. I chuckled lightly at the haphazard sandwich on the plate. Cooking clearly wasn't Renée's forté.

My hair clung to my shoulders in wet ringlets as I padded down the stairs.

"In here!" Renée's voice called, and I moved through the hall to a bright turquoise room at what seemed to be the front of the house. It was cluttered with bits and pieces, art, ornaments, and photographs.

Renée was folded up on the large tan leather sofa, sipping her drink as she read a magazine.

"You have a lovely home, Renée. You have obviously settled since Florida." I smiled as I looked over the school photos of Bella. She had wonderful porcelain skin which had evaded the sun's damaging rays. Her chocolate eyes always held a shy expression, no matter her age, she obviously not a girl that enjoyed basking in attention.

"Thanks. It took long enough. God knows how many places I've tried living in. Uprooted Bella more times than I can count on two hands." Renée smiled and patted the sofa beside her.

"It's June 10th 2006 by the way and you are _back_ in sunny Florida." Renée beamed. It was obvious she loved her current home.

"How long have I been here?" I asked before tearing into the ham sandwich Renée had made. I suppressed the chuckle when half the contents escaped into my lap.

"About a week. You haven't really been yourself, Hun. Phil thought I might have adopted a crazy person."

"That sounds like something you would consider doing." I smirked as I finished the sandwich. Renée grinned in agreement.

"I apologise for being such a burden, Renée. You have truly been too kind. To just take me in. I can't thank you enough," I said as I carefully brushed the crumbs off the pink silk around my knees. There was a small grass stain from the meadow and I sighed at the memories. It was all I could do, sadness wasn't welcome any longer.

"Sarelle, honey, don't be silly. You're not a burden." Renée reached forward and gave me a tight hug.

"You had me worried though. You didn't talk, hardly ate. You barely left that dark little room." I grimaced against Renée's words. Of course, I wouldn't have responded, I wasn't truly there. I was just a shell.

"I'm sorry," I murmured before Renée released me.

"Who is Phil?" I asked and Renée's eyes lit up like lights at Christmas.

"He's my husband, well new husband. Oh, Sarelle, you'll love him. He's so fun, and exciting, and supportive, and he makes me feel so young and alive," Renée gushed, and I couldn't help but smile. When I had last seen her she had been so unsure of her decision to leave her first husband, Charlie.

"I look forward to meeting him. Is Bella here as well?" I asked hopefully.

"No, you just missed her actually. She visited a week or two before you turned up, came with her boyfriend. It's a shame really. I always wanted her to meet you. I mean she already knows you so well, she just doesn't know she does." Renée's voice was filled with excitement and pride.

"I'm sure in your mind that made perfect sense, but I may need an explanation," I said playfully. I had always loved the way Renée's mind worked. It seemed so alternative to everyone else's. She was the perfect distraction as I felt my previous melancholy sweep away.

"What I mean is, I used to play a lot of Debussy, your favourite Clair de Lune especially, because it reminded me of you and she seemed to like it. Plus, I introduced her to Jane Austen. In fact, I kept those library books you left behind. She loved them, still does now. God knows how big the library fines are." Renée looked up at the photographs of her daughter with a wistful smile.

"You have a lot in common really. Sometimes, in the way she acts, I see a bit of you in her." I glanced at the pictures of the little chocolate haired girl and felt a swell of flattery. To be remembered and have my existence effect her in some way was something I had never expected to happen but it was moving nonetheless.

"I felt truly awful leaving in such a way. I trust you got my note." I remembered the little goodbye note I had written Renée and Bella on the back of Bella's crayon drawing.

"Still got it, Bella hasn't seen it so she doesn't know about you. I wasn't sure if it would be a good thing to introduce to her, the whole supernatural thing. I didn't know how she would take it." Renée motioned with her hands nervously as if she thought her words would upset me. I stilled her fidgeting with my own hand on hers.

"I understand. I can see that it could be a jarring discovery. Though, I'd like to meet her one day, of course my situation is probably left a mystery to her." There was no point in shocking her mind with my ability when she could continue to be oblivious.

"She's always been so sensible and steady. I don't know how she'd react to meeting a time traveller." Renée's voice wasn't worried but instead contemplative as if she were actually trying to imagine her daughter's reaction.

"Her mother seemed to cope just fine." I grinned.

"Bella's a lot more her father's daughter, that's who she's actually staying with at the moment in Forks." Renée grimaced and shivered lightly in mock disgust.

"I don't know how she's coping. She hates the cold and wet. And it's so green!" Renée exclaimed and I giggled at her dislike for the place.

"I found Washington to be a very pretty state." Renée's eyes sparked with intrigue and I reminded myself to tell her a little about the time we'd spent apart. Although I knew I would have to avoid telling her of the large supernatural influence that I had encountered with my vampire friends.

"Maybe Bella is being converted, she seems pretty set on staying there. I think it's probably got something to do with her boyfriend," Renée huffed and I sensed she missed her daughter greatly.

"Love can do that to a girl, change her." I sighed when I truly acknowledged the truth of the statement. I had gone from peaceful oblivion of love to diving head first into it.

"You fell hard, didn't you?" Renée spoke softly as if she were tiptoeing around a loaded bomb.

"He pulled me to him like gravity pulls you to the ground."

"But you're so young, you've got a lifetime to live and love."

"I'm an Edwardian child, Renée. I was always going to fall fast and young. As for living and loving without him, well it wouldn't be much of either." I tucked my damp hair behind my ear and lightly touched the place on my neck which he knew was my favourite point to my kissed.

"Do you know when you'll see him again?" Renée's eyes were set on the eternity ring on my hand, and I smiled as I thought of the inscription on the inner band.

"Not for definite, but I know it will happen, with absolute certainty."

"So what are you going to do until then?"

"I'm going to look forward to every new adventure just as he would have wanted me to. He wouldn't want me wallowing, and I will not allow myself to waste my time in such a state." I almost shocked myself with the level of strength and determination in my own voice.

"That's the healthier thing to do. No point in becoming a zombie." There was something in Renée's voice that hinted at more than just an agreement. Her eyes flashed with something distant, like a memory she preferred to forget. I sensed she wouldn't want to talk about it so instead I changed the subject onto a cheerier topic.

"Tell me about this boy who has stolen Bella's heart. I hope he's worthy," I asked playfully.

"He seems nice enough, very good looking, from a good family, and he clearly loves Bella, although their relationship went through a bit of drama a few months ago."

"I sense a 'but'." A small smile played on my lips as I watched Renée's mind twist and turn.

"I don't know if it's because of knowing you, or reading too many of those sci-fi books, but there's just something _different_ about him. I can't quite figure out what."

"Your experience with me would probably attune you to weirdness." I smirked and Renée's grinned.

"Am I just being silly?" she asked.

"Maybe, but then your intuition seems fairly reliable. You certainly sniffed me out quick enough." Renée chuckled lightly, although something told me this wasn't the answer she wanted.

"Say hypothetically you were right, and he wasn't what you consider normal, would it matter if he loves her?" Renée's mouth twisted as she thought about it.

"I don't know, maybe not. I mean I know Bella. She's smart; she wouldn't go falling for someone without truly knowing them and knowing they were safe. Plus, I don't think I could stand it if we had to stop her from seeing him. She'd never forgive us. I guess you're right. Phil doesn't see anything odd about him, maybe just a bit aloof."

"You're probably just letting your imagination go wild." I smiled reassuringly and Renée relaxed a little.

"Yeah that's what Bella said." Renée sighed and we settled back on the sofa now that the tenser conversation topics were over with.

"So tell me, what have you been upto?" Renée's aqua eyes sparkled with excitement as I settled in to tell her the gaps in my story. She could be so childlike in her curiosity sometimes. I had a feeling that being here with Renée was going to be the perfect remedy for leaving Edward. She was so sunny and lively, it would be impossible to sink into the blues with her around. She was like the sunshine after the storm.

**A/N: So, that's another chapter done and a little insight into how Sarelle influenced Bella. :)**

**Please leave a review, they really are awesome :P**

**x**


	34. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: The feedback for the last chapter was amazing. I love how people have ideas of what's coming and that I've got you guessing :P**

**I hope this chapter doesn't make the story seem too rushed, but I didn't want to slow the story up too much.**

**(side note: if any of the quotes at the top of the chapters interest you, I found them on thinkexist(dot)com)**

_We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars_

_- Oscar Wilde_

_There's no escape, we're always here. Hide and seek, ready or not, here we come....._

My body lurched up into the darkness as it often did in these passing days. In the conscious daytime I felt healed, content, and maybe even happy. It was all thanks to Renée and Phil -their constant enthusiasm, and excitement for life and its adventures. However, at night, the memories of the day weren't enough to keep me from the monsters that crept out from the dark corners of my mind when my guard was let down.

It wasn't every night that I woke with tear tracks down my cheeks, but it was often enough for me to know that my demons weren't going to leave me be. All I could do was keep moving forward and keep fighting them until the fear they held faded.

I should have expected their presence in my dream world, but in truth I had never really experienced them except for the night when I had revealed my troubled past to Rosalie, Alice, and Esme. I had opened the flood gates that night, and it seemed they were a little harder to shut than they had been before. Still, I didn't let my weary mind trouble Renée, and I was grateful that she and Phil were deep enough sleepers not to hear the whimpers I was sure to produce during the nightmares.

My new diary was filled with events we had shared together and things that I had learnt of their lives including odd details of Isabella - Bella. I still had my old diary safely secured from the world at the bottom of my bag. It held some of my happiest years imprinted on its pages, but it also housed my demons so I didn't read over the written words often. I knew I would find the written memories precious in years to come, but right now I didn't feel tempted to relive the past. I had too much of my future ahead of me to think in such a way.

I flicked on the little lamp on my bedside and rubbed my sleep blurred eyes. The light outside the window suggested it was reaching the time of day break, so I heaved myself off my bed and slipped into the bathroom with my clothes.

Once I was washed and dressed, I descended the stairs as always and pottered into the kitchen. It was a bright, sunny room and captured the sunrise beautifully through its picturesque window. I always managed to see the sunrise, a small gift given by the nightmares that woke me.

As I gathered the things required for a hearty breakfast I hummed the serenade Edward had written for me. It eased my mind after my nightmares and always brought a smile to my face when I thought of his golden eyes looking into mine. I knew it was probably odd that I thought so happily of the love I had lost, but I couldn't bring myself cry anymore. I wanted to think of him, and I wanted to do it with fondness not despair.

My body twirled and swayed as I reached the melody's crescendo, remembering how his small smile coated his lips as he would watch me over the piano. He was such a beautiful creature that I imagined it was almost necessary to question why he would want me. However, I never did. I knew him before the perfection descended on his being, and I knew, even as a boy, we had been close. So why should it be unusual for us to fall for each other when we had a history that linked us? It wasn't to say that I didn't have my moments of doubt. The times when I questioned if I was truly worthy of him, given the secrets I kept. But I could never doubt that he loved me, or the depth to which that emotion ran. He knew the more faultless version of me, and so I had enough self esteem to be confident in his love for me. Then again, I hid so many flaws and demons so I couldn't be as sure that I would be wanted if he found out.

I shoved aside my pondering as I whisked the pancake batter briskly.

"Morning!" Renée cheered as she flew into the kitchen, reaching straight for the instant coffee I had prepared in anticipation of her arrival. Next would be Phil, so I had his sugared and milked coffee waiting in its usual place at the head of the small rectangular table, along with the sports section of the paper he liked to read.

"Morning. I hope pancakes are OK. There's fresh orange as well if you want it," I said as I poured the first pancake onto the pan.

Renée looked at me sceptically as always. She knew I hadn't slept well again last night, I was certain it showed on my face. It wasn't that I felt particularly tired, but my body still showed the signs. Faint black circles had gradually appeared under my eyes, stubbornly refusing to leave.

"You really don't have to do this, Sarelle," Renée said, but she tucked into the plate of pancakes I offered her anyway.

"It's no problem. I like cooking."

I started on Phil's bacon to accompany his. He was training for his baseball league, and I knew protein was important for his diet. It was amazing what you could learn about people in a matter of weeks.

"Mornin', that smells good, Sarelle, you should see if you can teach Renée a thing or two." Phil grinned as he came and patted my back before taking his plate. I smiled and joined them at the table with my bowl of simple cereal.

As usual it earned me some concerned looks, but I just smiled them off and tucked into my breakfast. I was getting around two meals a day so a small breakfast was all I could manage without forcing my stomach too full. Edward may have spent a lot of time lavishing me with regular meals, but my past eating habits were just too hard to break. I didn't need a lot of food so I couldn't force myself to gorge when I didn't need it. Of course that didn't change the fact that I finished within record time. Food was precious to me so it didn't stay on the plate for long.

"I tell you what, I bet if we entered you into a pie eating competition you'd win hands down and in record time as well," Phil teased, and I chuckled slightly as I cleared my bowl before rejoining them at the table. I liked our morning breakfasts all together. It was my only time to see them before they went off to work, leaving me alone for the day before they returned in the late afternoon.

"Phil, honey, are you training late tonight?" Renée asked as she finished off her pancakes and coffee.

"Nah, just a few hours training then some theory stuff. Should be back early." Phil was half responding to the conversation and half reading the paper. It was lucky he could do so many things at once because it seemed to fit with Renée's whirlwind approach to life.

"I just thought we could do something tonight, maybe...It's up to you."

"What you have in mind, Hun?" Phil looked up giving a loving smile at Renée and I felt once again like I was interrupting. They never acted as if my presence was a hassle, but it didn't stop me from feeling like I was intruding. After all, I had enough money to stay comfortably in a hotel and out of their way, but Renée wouldn't have it and Phil claimed he liked eating non-burnt food too much to want me to leave. So here I stayed as their guest, although I did as much as I could around the house.

"Maybe get a movie or....Oh! We could go to that arcade. They've got dodgems. And we could play those silly games and buy candyfloss!" Renée's excitement built with every new thought, and Phil's smile grew exponentially as he watched his wife's enthusiasm.

"Sarelle, you'll love it. It's so much fun!" She grinned and Phil gave me a wink as we shared our inside amusement at her childlike love for anything and everything.

"I would like that very much, but I must insist that I pay for my own entertainment, and you must allow me to at least pay for your dinner, whatever you like." I had more than enough money stashed in my bank account so I had no worry over buying whatever they desired.

"Oh honey, you don't have to do that. Honestly, you're our guest," Renée said but I shook my head vehemently.

"I've been staying here for just under a month now without charge, so don't think you're refusing my offer. Tonight is my treat and that's that." I grinned and gathered up the plates to wash up.

"Whatever you say, Sarelle." Phil did a false salute and glanced at his watched before rushing a 'thank you for breakfast' and 'see you later' while he stole a kiss off Renée.

"Honestly, Sarelle, you do too much for us. Another thing you share with Bella. Another mini adult," Renée said before she disappeared to get ready in her own haphazard method. It was a wonder she managed to get to work on time.

* * *

The night had been a lot of fun, but I hadn't expected anything less. Phil and Renée were like two loved up teenagers as they walked hand in hand, but I didn't feel left out or out of place. We had laughed, talked, and enjoyed ourselves as if there was no difference in age between us. Phil even treated me as a friend just like Renée.

He was so accepting and outgoing that I could imagine how he would get on well with Emmett. He hadn't asked me any probing questions about my life, family, or the unusual reason for just ending up at his home. He just acted as if it was all planned. I guess it explained why he handled Renée so well. He was able to adapt easily to new situations and he could just relax and follow the flow of events. It was a skill definitely required for life with Renée.

I smiled as I drifted off to sleep while I reminisced about the evening. I didn't even flinch or feel sadness when I felt the tingle tickle my ears.

I had been here for a few weeks, and I had enjoyed them. They had healed me as much as they possibly could, but I knew it was time to move on. I almost relished the thought because I knew it was another jump toward my meeting with Edward, whenever that may be.

I let out a soft sigh before my eyes fluttered closed. I would worry about my goodbyes to Renée and Phil tomorrow. At least I could leave as normal guest does, walking out the door with a wave and a smile.

* * *

Unusually, I woke due to the soft morning light rather than the nightmare tormenting my mind. It was still early, but for once I had missed the sunrise. Still, I had always been an early riser.

The tingle was a little stronger. I was certain it would be strong enough to take me if I let it, but first I wanted to give this adventure a proper ending. I didn't want to go back to my bad habit of loose ends left behind me. I liked the feeling of completeness and finality that a proper goodbye could give me.

I spent an hour packing my things away and arranging my new photos of Phil, Renée, and me in the photo album Esme had given me, writing captions below so I knew the dates and places of each. My diary may have held thoughts and feelings but these photos showed my life perfectly. I chuckled when I looked over the pictures we had taken last night. There was one which was taken on the dodgems, our hair rushing around us, and goofy smiles on our faces.

Renée had seen a few of the photos but they were only of places and landscapes or human acquaintances I had made such as Steven the librarian, Kelsey McCarthy, Little Annabelle the Baker's daughter and his wife, Clara. I didn't dare show her the Cullens for fear that she would see so much more than human beauty. She was far too inquisitive for her own good, and I didn't want to involve her in the forbidden world that came with the knowledge of vampirism. I knew it was unlikely the Volturi could know of all knowledge of their existence, but I wasn't going to take any chances.

I smiled as I ran my finger over the image of me and Edward lying in the meadow together. I had held the camera above us to take the picture as I smiled happily. I had thought Edward had done the same, but as I looked upon it he was instead gazing at me with a look of pure adoration. I felt my heart clench but it wasn't with regret or sadness. It was like a flutter of what was to come. I wished I could speed up time 'til I saw him again, but I knew that was not in my power. The other photos of us were from our first date where we were dressed in classic 50's outfits and smiles of anticipation on our faces. Then there were the others of the family, Alice's fashion raids, discreet photos of the couples together, days out when we were all together, Edward sparkling next to me as he sat in the meadow. So many memories and moments were documented in the album. Everything that had been, was, is, and will be important to me.

With a snap I shut the album and stuffed it down into my bag, pulling out my pale pink dress to wear for the day. It had been what I was wearing in the meadow, but Renée had washed it since. Still, it somehow held the faint scent of that haunting moment of mine and Edward's finale.

I inhaled the floral, natural scent off the fibres as I walked to the bathroom. I came to this place wearing this dress and I felt it was fitting to leave in it too.

I carefully removed my locket and placed it on top of the pale silk material as I got undressed. Eventually all that touched my skin was Edward's eternity ring, gleaming softly in the morning light. It was strange that although I would never discard my locket, it felt like all I really needed with me always was Edward's eternity ring. I didn't feel my heart clench when I removed my locket anymore, although I couldn't say the same for removing my ring – which was an extremely rare occasion.

I washed my hair meticulously, feeling the wet strands uncoil from their waves and reach down to the middle of my back. When dry it bounced and curled around my shoulders, skimming over my chest. It was as long as I wanted it to be so I knew it would have to be cut in a couple of months.

I didn't rush this shower. Instead, I indulged in the luxurious warmth of the water as it cascaded down my body, the body that had changed so much since my younger years. It was no longer androgynous or childlike. I had developed soft slender curves creating the makings of a woman's figure. My proportions still gave way to the image of a young girl – long legs leading to a petite waist – but I now looked more mature. My face had lost some of its baby roundness so that my bone structure was more prominent. My waist had curved to a more pronounced hourglass shape due to my slender but curvaceous hips and slightly larger than average chest. I knew I wasn't quite as small as Alice, but I seemed to be caught between her dainty figure and Rosalie's. I would never think myself worth anymore due to my looks, but I had confidence in my appearance.

I stepped from the shower and dried myself carefully, dabbing my hair to stop it from dampening my pink dress.

I swiped the towel across the mirror and gazed at the reflection. Was it just my weathered soul, or newfound maturity, or did my eyes hold something new? A new depth that had seemed hidden before. It was like, after losing Edward, I had lost my childhood innocence – or what was left of it. It could have been that my mind was still just focussed on how much I had actually changed and grown since my life first taken its strange course, but I felt like I could see the change in my eyes. Would Edward see it? Would he dislike that my last ounce of childhood naivety had gone? Then again, it was surely meant to happen, wasn't sixteen the age at which a girl became considered a woman?

The thought of my next birthday made my reflections eyes widen as I eagerly counted the days that had passed since the day I left Edward – 11th September. I knew back then that I had a month 'til I came of age. I gasped as I realised the importance of this day. Today wasn't just the end of my time with Renée and Phil. It was the end of childhood days, my sixteenth birthday. A smile formed on my reflection, and I wondered if the new depth in my eyes was my subconscious's way of alerting me to the meaning of the day.

I dressed myself slowly and hesitated to look at the locket before I hung it around my neck. I had outgrown the security it offered me, but I knew I would never outgrow the memories it gave me.

I peeked at my parent's picture. I hadn't glanced upon it in such a long time, but I was pleased to find their faces were just as clear in my memory as they were imprinted on the photograph.

With a sigh I finished my morning routine and found myself moving with something close to tranquillity as I descended the stairs to make breakfast.

Renée had beaten me to it.

"Morning, Renée. Would you like me to help you?" I chuckled at the chaos surrounding her. Every surface was marked with her presence.

She turned and I grinned at the flour she had smudged across her face and egg staining her pale blue t-shirt.

"Morning. I don't think pancakes are my thing unfortunately." She held out a plate full of semi singed pancakes with whipped cream and strawberries scattered across the plate. It might not have been restaurant worthy, but it showed such friendship that I took the plate from her with ravenous hunger.

"These are delicious, Renée. Is Phil not joining us? He'd be impressed." I smirked at my teasing and Renée gave a playfully gasp of insult.

"He left early, his team have a game and he wants them at their best." She joined me with a cup of coffee and her own haphazard pancakes.

We ate in silence for a little longer as the tingle danced around me. I was trying to think of a way to tell her that I was leaving, but there was part of me that didn't want to ruin our lovely breakfast with talk of departures.

"So...You were up late," Renée said, her voice feigning nonchalance. I glanced up at her and her eyes weren't watching her food as I thought they might. Instead her ocean coloured eyes searched mine with an intensity I had only seen her exhibit occasionally. It was the look she got when her scatterbrained mind seemed to be switched off for a second and allowing her to see a situation with a clarity that was almost unnerving.

"This will be our last meal together, won't it?" Her voice wasn't sad but peaceful. There was no bitterness at the fact that this was goodbye, and I was grateful for that.

I didn't need to speak so I just dipped my head in confirmation.

"Phil will be heartbroken." I gave her a puzzling look.

"He has grown far too attached to your cooking." We giggled and lapsed into a conversation that hinted of none of the finality it clearly held.

We had no need for great revelations, grand gestures, or even epic parting words. Just a simple goodbye would suffice for us.

And so it did. As I stood in Renée's lounge, my sack on my back and her arms releasing from a tight friendly hug.

"You take care of yourself, Sarelle." She gave my arm a comforting squeeze.

"And you, Renée. I wish you and Phil all the happiness in the world. He's a wonderful man, Renée, and he's perfect for you. But of course you know that." I grinned and she smiled letting loose a dazed sigh, probably imagining Phil and how smitten she was.

"I'll miss you, honey, but you can't keep time waiting," I nodded and sighed as the tingle raced around me.

Renée had never seen me fade before her, but like most things she handled it perfectly. As if it was a natural occurrence.

Her eyes didn't widen when my body started to disappear, just beamed at me with her happy oceanic eyes and gave a little wave.

Just one friend saying goodbye to another, no matter that one was disintegrating before the other's eyes. It was just normal, or at least it was for us.

I closed my eyes as the tingle swamped me, not out of discomfort but just because it was what I did. I didn't like the way I was blinded for a brief moment by the tingle, so instead I sent myself into darkness voluntarily. The same electrical rush ran through my body as always, the strange tingling tension encompassing me while I broke the timeline once again.

Finally, the tingle left my skin but the air still felt electrified and almost oppressive. I jumped at the feel of heavy wet raindrops landing on my skin and the sound of thunder rumbling. I searched around me and grasped at a newspaper which was rolling across the paved street, riding on the wind. I clutched it in my hand and unfolded it above my head as I looked around for somewhere to escape the rain.

A bright blinking light beamed from a cafe up the road, _Betty's. _I dashed through the torrents of rain and dived into the cafe. I could feel my skin was cold and damp causing my dress to stick to my skin in an uncomfortable fashion.

I wiped my hair off my damp face and walked briskly to a booth to gather my thoughts and reorganise myself from the jump.

I could feel the tingle still playing around my skin and hoped that it would hold off until the rain stopped outside. I didn't like the feel of damp clothes on my skin, and I didn't want the rain to ruin the delicate pink fabric.

I placed the newspaper out on the table and scanned over the contents to garner some kind of knowledge of where I was before I had to talk to anyone.

**PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER**

**October 10th 1948**

**PHILADELPHIA EAGLES WIN AGAINST NEW YORK GIANTS**

**10 000 KILLED IN ASHGABAT EARTHQUAKE**

10th October, my sixteenth birthday, it had come so quickly. The time that had passed seemed far too short, so much had happened since that memory of myself as a scared nine year old girl on Carlisle's doorstep. Could really have been seven years since that day?

I glanced out at the pouring rain as the drops clung to the glass pane.

This certainly wasn't how I had imagined this day to be, alone, wet, and unsure of the future.

"Hey there, Darl, can I get you anything?" An elderly woman asked me as she examined me over her half moon glasses.

"Can I have a hot chocolate and a muffin? It's my birthday so I think I'd like to treat myself." I smiled and the woman nodded as she wrote down my order. Her greying blonde hair was folded into a neat bun underneath her candy striped hat, and I smiled as she tucked her pen back into the bun before walking off to get my order.

The cafe was near empty except for a couple weary looking patrons. I couldn't gauge the time of day, but I knew it had to be late afternoon given the time it had been when I left Renée's. It looked as though it was midnight outside due to the thick dark storm clouds hanging heavy in the air.

The bell on the door rang out through the near silent diner and a man wandered in. He hesitated briefly just inside the door, his hand giving his trouser pocket a slight touch before moving toward an empty booth next up from mine. His head stayed ducked, alternating between the tabletop and the view of the street outside. He didn't even glance at his menu and it took all of ten seconds for me to understand that, similar me, he was a drifter and by the state of his worn out clothes he barely had two dimes to rub together. I watched the welcoming waitress swing by his booth, not bothering to pull out an order pad. "Just coffee?" she asked and he nodded shortly.

I watched as the solitary waitress buzzed around the diner wiping the counter tops and organising the orders. Even though the place wasn't busy she seemed to refuse to let herself merely stop and rest. It was apparent to me that she enjoyed her job and had been doing it a long time.

I glanced at the man and looked as his eyes met mine briefly. He looked so lost and desolate. I knew how that felt, and I knew it was one of the worst feelings in the world to experience. To think the world had rejected you or that fate saw you as its pawn to sacrifice again and again, no care for your feelings or life.

Before I really thought through my actions, I rose from my booth and gathered my things before walking up to the man.

"May I join you? I would rather not sit alone." His eyes showed no real relief at my offer but he nodded nonetheless.

I settled into the seat, my skin causing the faux leather to creak due to the damp.

We sat in silence, although I'm not sure it could be considered comfortable. His weary blue eyes would pass over me now and then before he ran his hand through his sandy hair, seemingly searching some kind of relief from whatever plagued him.

"What's your name?" he asked as if he had just resigned himself to the situation.

"Sarelle, yours?" I wasn't looking for a new friend of companion, just some company in this new place; I thought maybe he could find the same appreciation in it as I could.

"John."

"It's nice to meet you, John." I said smiling slightly.

The waitress returned quickly with my hot chocolate and muffin, along with John's black coffee to which he added four sugars. She had placed a small lit candle in the top of the muffin, and I beamed up at her in gratitude. It was a small gesture but a sweet one nonetheless.

I took a long sip of the hot chocolate and sighed as the warmth seeped through me, rolling out from the centre of my body.

"I gather from your reaction that you travel," John said, his voice seemed more at eased now that he had had a sip of caffeine.

"Yes, although I place myself in the category of reluctant adventurer. Traveller seems too recreational." I sighed, before laughing emptily. John's head bobbed in agreement before he stared intently at the black pool of liquid in his cup.

"Telling people you're a traveller makes them a little more interested and at ease, I find," John murmured, and I caught the loneliness in his statement. He was obviously used to people pushing him away. I had been very lucky that most people I'd met so far had welcomed me into their life.

"Where are you heading to?" I asked to stop us lulling into silence. I may as well make them most of my time here rather than sitting in solitary silence with only my thoughts for company. Not that I could be sure they would be good company to keep.

"Nowhere of consequence." John's answer and down trodden demeanour told the truth hidden behind his words. He wasn't going _to_ anything, but he was certainly running from something. It was almost a strange similarity to my own situation. I was never really sure of a destination but I knew I wanted to escape the less desirable aspects of my past.

There're a few short moments when we're both lost in our thoughts and unaware of the quiet that has descended upon our conversation.

"Aren't you going to make a wish?" John pierced my thoughts and directed his eyes to the burning candle in my muffin, the wax slowly creeping down towards the surface.

"I can't rush such a precious thing as a wish," I teased but John didn't smile, or at least his lips didn't. There was some kind of spark that flashed in his storm coloured eyes.

"Isn't it strange that we all pause before we blow out a candle, actually taking the time to think of something to wish for? I've made many wishes in my life and so far they haven't come to fruition, it makes me wonder if it's worth the breath it takes to blow out the damn flame," John announced bitterly, the words grating on his gritted teeth. I sighed as I saw the truth in his statement, images of Edward running through my mind. When I had first jumped to Renée's I had begged and pleaded, prayed and wished, to be with him again, but they hadn't done any good. Just as my wishes to be normal had been ignored. It made me wonder if magic was selective as to whom it chose to help, just as luck chose to skip over certain unfortunate individuals.

As I set my cup down on the table top I heard the door bell ring out, signalling a new customer. I looked up to see if it was another soul similar to John or the other drunken drifter across the diner who sat half asleep in his booth.

The harsh lights fell upon a mop of golden waves, and I felt my heart leap. _Jasper, _my mind labelled him instantly.

His posture was tense and his eyes flashed around the diner warily. They were a dull and dark maroon that from across the diner seemed almost black. He clearly hadn't fed in a long time.

I watched in astonishment as his gaze was caught upon a little dark haired girl in the far corner of the diner. She seemed to be focussed completely on him and her face held such a blinding smile that I was sure it couldn't get any wider.

_Alice._

I watched as she edged towards Jasper and offered him her hand. They seemed to have a conversation but I couldn't hear their words, all I knew was that this was the moment when they found each other. This was the moment that Alice had described to me all those months ago.

_Happy Birthday._ I thought to myself with a smile playing on my lips

I had been pondering what to wish for as my birthday wish. To be with Edward again was an obvious choice but here was proof that a wish wasn't needed. Alice and Jasper had found each other, and their 'happily ever after', through pure luck and destiny. Was it possible that Edward and I could be the same?

I glanced at John who was watching me with curiosity. I saw him turn around, seemingly searching to see what had suddenly caught my attention.

"Do you know them?" he asked, almost awestruck. It wasn't surprising; Alice and Jasper were by far the most beautiful people to grace this place. Their devastating good looks were even more pronounced due to the absolute dullness of the diner and rainy day outside.

"In a way," I replied as I removed my camera from my bag.

"Say 'cheese'," I said as I pushed the shutter button, capturing John's confused face in photo form. He wasn't the only one I had managed to photograph. I grinned in triumph when I looked to see both Alice and Jasper, framed perfectly in the background of the image. They were both gazing into each other's eyes with smiles on their faces. Their expressions were such a contrast to John's, and even though I barely knew him, I couldn't help but think it a shame that his face didn't seem capable of forming a smile.

I looked down at my muffin and then back to the bedraggled man in front of me. He was so down on his luck.

I pushed the muffin towards him across the table, the candle still glowing.

"This wish is yours, John, mine's already been granted." I smiled at him before I rose from my seat and moved to the counter to get a better look at Alice and Jasper, pure happiness pulsing through me.

My emotions seemed to catch Jasper's attention because his mouth twitched into a smile and his eyes glanced in my direction. In that moment my body filled with a feeling of rightness, certainty, and home. If Alice and Jasper could be together, then there was no reason why Edward and I couldn't.

I beamed at Alice and Jasper a little longer than socially appropriate. I saw their interest and intrigue flit on their faces as their heads tilted slightly. Alice was more open and curious while Jasper seemed caught between the effect my emotions had on him and his instinct to hide and avoid contact.

I gave them a slight nod in acknowledgement and watched as they retreated to a dark corner of the diner.

I turned behind me to see John had blown out the candle and was eating the small snack with a poor man's eagerness.

I felt the tingle surge yet again. It's impatience clear as always.

I sighed and took a final glance at the corner Alice and Jasper sat.

Alice had always told me that she had seen herself being with Jasper from the very beginning but that the visions of being with the Cullens only came once she met him.

I glanced down at the napkin that sat with a few crumbs left from someone else's meal.

What if I was the reason they found the Cullens?

I knew it was a big 'what if' but I saw no harm in hurrying along their meeting. It could surely only help Jasper to know of an alternative diet. Perhaps it could ease his troubles a little.

I swiftly removed my pen and scribbled out a note to leave for them, I wouldn't get too close but perhaps it would be possible for me to give them the note without causing them to panic at my proximity.

_Dear Alice and Jasper,_

_I think you have spent enough time in the dark corners of this diner. You're future is waiting for you, find Carlisle Cullen and find the happy alternative._

_Good luck,_

_X_

My eyes fixed on them yet again and my gaze was caught by Alice's. I felt a smile creep on my lips as her head tilted in curiosity.

I held up the note in my hand, still keeping eye contact. I wanted it to be clear she was meant to read it. I hoped the flash of understanding in her eyes was the acknowledgement I needed.

I placed the note as close to their end of the counter as possible before going back to my bag where it was propped against the counter.

I paid for my meal, thanking the waitress for her kind gesture before turning to where John sat.

"Bye, John. I hope the wish works out for you," I called before I stepped out into the wet, stormy air.

Two steps then gone.

**A/N: Please leave a review, they are both great motivation and inspiration for this story.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**x**


	35. Chapter 34

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Please forgive any vocab mishaps or grammar faults. I'm posting this while running on only three hours sleep...But that's what you get when you favour dancing over sleep.**

**Thank you to for the absolutely amazing response to last chapter. It was really surprising because I was a little apprehensive about the chapter and whether it would seem rushed.**

**This chapter has been sitting on my computer for months, in fact it was one of the first ones I wrote. It's been fiddled with several times and re-written (not voluntarily) twice (damn technology). Anyway, ****it's pretty epic (18 pages!) so I hope you have plenty of time to read it. **

_Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when you sacrifice everything you are just to ease his pain, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say 'I'm happy for you'._

My world steadied, and I felt the familiar feeling of spongy grass beneath my white ballet flats while reaching tendrils of flora tickled the bare skin on my legs. I could smell the definite fragrance of a summery forest - fresh, floral, and slightly musky.

My eyes squinted as I adjusted to the bright light surrounding me. When the light spots cleared from my vision I saw that I was standing in a small clearing hidden a few metres into a forest, which seemed to surround a large white house. The setting was beautiful.

The light showed it was around late afternoon and soon the dim sunlight, which backlit the fluffy clouds, would bathe the sky in the orange glow of twilight. The clearing I stood in would be pooled in golden light and the small patches of meadow flowers would be tainted with a rosy hue.

I peered out between the few trees in front of me to see the house better. It was perfectly hidden amongst the trees to give its residence some privacy. A winding driveway disappeared from view and I assumed it led to civilisation. I looked around the scene in front of me. Cars filled the driveway in front of the pretty house, and I wondered for a second what I had jumped into. As I stood anxiously watching the house in front of me a blue suburban car drove up to the house and parked awkwardly in front. I should have known the passengers wouldn't be adults by their driving, so I almost expected the five teenagers as they bundled out of the car and made their way up the wrap around front porch.

They were dressed in relatively formal attire, the girls in pretty dresses and the boys in suits of varying colours. I sighed when I saw that one of the boys had attempted and failed to do his tie correctly. That was never a mistake that Edward would make, but then again he was refined to the point of near physical perfection.

I looked down at my own outfit and smiled in relief. I stood wearing my pale pink silk summer dress as it flowed prettily over my body and stopped just above my knees. I sniffed the material and was pleased that it didn't hold any unpleasant odour. It somehow still gave off the faint and fresh smell of the meadow even after being washed. I was glad it still smelt like the place of my departure from Edward.

I bit my lip against the pain of the memory. I had to hold on to the hope that I would see him again.

I propped my bag against one of the nearby trees. I couldn't take it with me because if this was the formal event that it seemed to be, then my bag would seem rather out of place. I crept towards the house and took a quick look back at the small clearing my bag sat in. It wouldn't be a risk of discovery here. It was a few metres in from the driveway, and I doubted anyone would stumble upon it.

My flat shoes crunched on the gravel as I made my way towards the large front door.

I didn't know why I was here but then when had my jumps ever had a reason? I had spun from one place to another and somehow it had all worked out.

My footsteps echoed on the wooden porch as I reached for the door, just as the teenagers had before me. I registered the sound of a car driving up behind me but stayed focussed on the door in front of me.

Just as my hand brushed the solid wood I heard a voice I had never expected to hear in such a place.

"Can you believe it's today, Phil. Oh just look at this house! Bella's so lucky, they're such a nice family and he's a good boy. I'm so excited!"

I spun immediately and gasped when I saw the owner of the voice.

"Renée?" She looked up and a wide smile burst out on her face.

It had only been a matter of days since I last saw her, but I treasured the moments when I got to see people again. They could be so rare.

I drank in her appearance. She didn't look any older or younger, in fact I guessed not even a year had passed since I last saw her.

As I took in her appearance I noticed she was dressed in a mid length forest green chiffon dress and a green and gold fascinator sat nestled in her waved hair. Her eyes shone with excitement, and I smiled that she was still so much like a child when it came to visiting new places.

However, I had never expected to see her in a place with so much greenery. She had always had a dislike for this kind of place.

My mind started click together the pieces of information and came to one conclusion.

Bella was getting married.

"Sarelle!" Social etiquette and manners flew out of me as I rushed towards her and settled myself in her outstretched arms.

Our hug didn't last long because she soon stepped back to look me over as a mother did with her child. To me this act was both a contradiction and an expectation. Mine and Renée's relationship was so much like that of a mother and her child because she had been the woman to help me through moments when I needed a mother, however, we were still so much like friends. For as many times as she comforted me I had been there for her, holding her in a hug and telling her it would all be OK.

"I can't believe it's really you! It's August 13th 2006 in Forks, Bella's wedding day. Did you jump straight here?" She spoke in hushed tones because Phil was standing not far from us with an intrigued expression on his face.

I couldn't help but smile when she told me the date. Ever since I told her about my ability she made a point of telling me where I was and the date. It was just a small gesture but it meant a lot.

My mind registered the fact that today was Bella's wedding day. My body buzzed with excitement at finally seeing the girl I hadn't seen since she was just a two year old, the little girl who, to me, seemed like a long lost sister.

To just see her was a wonderful thing, but for that day to be her wedding day was something that made my whole being happy.

I couldn't be more proud of her knowing that she was in love and taking the step to make it something permanent.

There was part of me that wondered why she was rushing it. She was surely only eighteen. That to me, in this generation, seemed so young to get married and bind yourself to someone for the rest of your life. Then again, if I thought about it, when I had been with Edward I would have married him within an instant because he was the one I wanted and would always want. So why would someone wait to get married when they had already found the person they knew they were meant to be with?

If this was the situation for Bella, which I assumed it must be because Renée had explained she wasn't one to be irresponsible, then I could feel nothing but happiness that the baby girl I had loved was in love.

I came out of my mind and grinned at Renée's happy face.

"I can't wait to see her, Renée. It's been so long." Renée released me and turned to the man in the tux behind her.

"Phil, you remember Sarelle?" He nodded smiling slightly.

"'Course. I still day dream about her cooking. It's good to see you again, Sarelle." He reached to shake my hand and I took it warmly.

"You too, Phil, I don't know how you keep up with her," I said and he chuckled. He never seemed the type to be overly talkative but that fit Renée's personality perfectly. He was the buffer for her abstract mind, and he was young enough to keep up with her tornado-like mind and wild enthusiasm.

"Come on, we had better get in there. I have to give Bella her present. I just can't believe my baby girl is getting married!" Renée's voice buzzed as we made our way inside the grand white house.

We all gasped when we entered the hallway, although Phil used a more masculine 'woah'.

The scene was a mass of beautiful blossoms and twinkling soft fairy lights. Every surface was elegantly draped in pretty pastel coloured petals that were lit in subtle white light from the scattered candles and lights.

My senses fell completely into the scene. Soft piano tunes drifted through the air and the luscious scent of roses, freesias and orange blossoms wafted around me, seducing my mind.

"Oh it's gorgeous!" Renée burst out and her eyes drank in the scene desperately as if it would vanish any second.

She soon released my hand and made her way upstairs in a buzz of excited distraction with Phil following behind her.

"Oh Bella! Oh honey, you're so beautiful. Oh, I'm going to cry!" Renée's voice gushed and faded as she made her way up the stairs and round the corner.

I wandered further into the hallway, gazing at the beauty that surrounded me. It was like something out of a movie. Everything was exquisitely designed to tempt your senses and melt you into feeling like it was all just a dream. A midsummer night's dream.

The artfully distributed flowers seemed as if they just spilled into the room. Like the perfect mix of nature and humanity, or fantasy and reality.

An unconscious smile coated my face as I looked around and drank in the soft floral scent that permeated the air.

My eyes fell on a table that was laden with gifts, and I felt a twinge of guilt. I hadn't gotten Bella anything.

I was at her wedding and hadn't even brought anything with me to give her. I knew I had no way of knowing, but now that I was here I felt I should at least give her something, no matter how small.

I ransacked my mind for possible presents. As soon as the idea came to my mind I rushed back out to the clearing where my bag was and rummaged quickly through the mess of fabric and objects I had collected.

It didn't take long for me to find Aslo's book, and I swiftly passed through the well thumbed pages to find the image I wanted.

In seconds my eyes gazed upon the detail sketched of the sparkling man that Bella had loved so much as a child.

I tore the picture from the book and grabbed my pen from my bag.

She may not have known who I was. In fact I doubted she had any idea of my existence, or how I knew of her. If Renée had ever spoken of me to her, then she wouldn't have used my name. I would have just been 'some girl' she once knew or still knew. However, even though Bella didn't know who I was I wanted her to know who gave her this.

I wanted her to know I had been a part of her life, even if it was just a small part.

My pen hovered over the back of the page as the words formed in my mind.

_Dear Bella,_

_It's been so long since we last saw each other, but I could not be more proud and happy that I got to experience this special day with you._

_You used to love this picture when you were little, so I could think of nothing better to give to you but a little piece of the past that we shared together._

_Remember, Bella, live life to its fullest and you'll have everything you'll ever want because sometimes you just have to take the risk._

_Lots of love and happiness,_

_Your distant friend,_

_Sarelle_

_xxx_

I smiled as I reread the passage and rolled the paper up; tying it with the simple lilac bow I had bought with my purple dress in Chicago. I had no need for the ribbon any more since I had left my violet dress behind in my Belmore cottage.

I knew the gift wouldn't be much, but I hoped that the image would mean something to her.

Perhaps Bella wouldn't recognise it, but I knew Renée would, and when she did I hoped she would take it as the sign it was meant to be. The sign, that if Bella should ever ask about me, it was safe to tell her everything.

The soft tunes of Pachelbel's Canon drifted from the house, and I ran towards it with my camera swinging from my neck.

As soon as I opened the door my mind was hit with the spectacular scent of the flowers again, and I slowed to deposit my gift on the pile of presents.

"Come on, Phil. We need to get to our seats. Oh, I think I've got butterflies." Renée giggled as she and Phil passed me from down the stairs. I followed them into the room which was obviously to be the setting for the ceremony.

I had thought the hallway was beautiful but this new scene was exquisite.

White chairs sat in rows filled with guests, and plumes of frothy blossoms and white roses hung in garlands from the ceiling, whilst white transparent silk fluttered around the windows.

It was like a dream, a fantastical, magical, magnificent dream.

I made my way to a spare seat near the back next to a native looking boy and a woman I assumed was his mother.

"Hey, I'm Seth," The boy smiled at me and offered his large tan hand. I shook it and tried not to show my surprise at the heat that flooded off his skin.

"Sarelle," I said and played nervously with the edge of my dress as it sat just above my knees.

I was anxious to see Bella, but there was part of me that worried that she wouldn't want a 'stranger' at her wedding. After all, she didn't know me, and since this seemed like an expensive wedding, I doubted she would want anyone unexpected interrupting it.

"So, Sarelle, whose side you on?" Seth grinned at me and I smiled back at his joke.

"Bella's. I'm a family friend," I said. Seth looked like he was going to continue our conversation but Wager's traditional march soon started, and we all stood waiting for the bride to make her way into our line of sight.

I fiddled with my dress where it was caught on the white wooden chair as light footsteps told me that the bridesmaid had made her way gracefully up the aisle. I wondered who Bella had chosen out of her friends to be her bridesmaid.

I knew who I would choose if I ever had the chance to have my perfect wedding.

Alice.

She was one of my best friends and it would have been an easy choice to make.

Of course the chance of me ever having the chance to have my perfect wedding was slim. The tingle wouldn't let me. But I could dream. Sometimes I even thought that it was possible, after all Jasper and Alice had ended up together through nothing but fate. I just had to hope that somehow fate would allow me and Edward to be together, someday.

I felt like I was almost holding my breath as I heard steady slow footsteps making their way towards the room. Within seconds, Bella stepped into view with her father, and the crowd gasped in amazement at her beauty. She truly was ethereal. Her hair was intricately braided with waving tendrils and petite pearls woven into her dark mahogany tresses. Her face was glowing with happiness, and her eyes sparkled with excitement as they took in her beautiful surroundings. Her dress trailed behind her and the lace fit her body perfectly in a way that was old fashioned but seemed to fit her classic looks.

I snapped pictures as she made her way up the aisle.

There was a moment when she walked passed and looked at me. In that glance I thought I saw some kind of recognition, but I couldn't be sure. Perhaps I just hoped that she remembered me. It would have been nice to know that- although she may not have remembered me as a person, my words or actions- she remembered who I was to her and how I made her feel.

I brushed away my contemplation and focussed back on her as she locked her eyes on her destination.

She had grown up to be a beautiful woman, and I felt a swell of pride as I watched her take careful measured steps up the aisle. Although I thought that perhaps her steady steps were more due to her father's guidance than her natural grace, because I was certain I saw a slight stumble as she neared the end.

My camera was fixed to my eyes as I watched her through the lens. I didn't care about all the pretty decorations; they wouldn't be what I wanted to remember most. I just wanted to capture as many memories of Bella as possible, because it could be the last time I got the chance.

Finally the moment came when her father had to give her hand to the man she loved. The man that I also loved for being the cause of the gleaming smile on Bella's face. The man that loved the little girl I had known as she stood before him in her adult form.

I captured the moment perfectly as their hands clasped together and their fingers intertwined.

I removed the camera from my eyes so that I could see the man that had caused Bella to fall so hard and made her so happy.

It only took a split second for me to register the sight in front of me, and in that second my mind numbed.

In that near fatal moment my world crumbled.

I felt a gasp rip from me as I looked at the man that had his hand held in Bella's.

Edward.

My Edward.

The Edward I had loved.

The Edward I _still_ loved.

This couldn't be happening. This had to be some kind of sick nightmare.

_Please let me be asleep, because I can't live with this reality._

But this was reality, so I watched as any hopes I had for my 'happily ever after' dissipated like smoke in the wind.

_You told him to do this. You made him promise that he would find someone else._ A bitter voice punished my selfishness and it cut like a knife because it spoke the truth. I _had_ made him promise to find new love, but stupidly I didn't understand the true consequences of that promise. Perhaps I was too selfish and self centred to truly believe that he would fall again. Yes, I had been so egotistical that I subconsciously never thought he would keep his promise.

I felt my heart fracturing as I looked upon the happy couple before me and felt a solid lump form in my throat. It kept me in a state of mute suffering.

My legs gave way just in time for everyone to sit down, and I stumbled numbly into my chair.

Edward's face was shining with happiness as he looked upon Bella, and I felt my heart ache. That had been the way he had looked at me. Or at least I thought that was how he had looked at me. Could I have been wrong? I didn't think I had made such a monumental mistake, but now that I saw him standing with Bella I wondered if I ever really knew how he felt, or the depth of emotion he was capable of. Was it possible that I had mistaken comfort and ease, for love? The very idea that I could have misled myself so badly was enough for me to blush in angry embarrassment.

How could I have been so stupid as to believe that the beautiful immortal ever truly loved me, a simple human _child_? When now that I saw them standing together, there was clearly no one better suited to him than Bella.

She was Edward's human companion, his equivalent in physical beauty. Although I didn't know the woman she had become, I knew from the way Renée talked about her that she would match his wonderfully loyal and caring nature. She was a mature and brave _woman._

The dull ache raged in my chest, and I clutched my locket in my hands as if it acted like my lifeline, my rock to stop me from falling apart in my chair.

My eyes were pulled from the torturous sight in front of me, and I stared into the sympathetic eyes of Carlisle. He was standing behind Edward with a look of compassion in his eyes as his own locked with mine. Nothing but understanding dripped from his gaze, and I felt a tear drop down my cheek as I stared hopelessly into his compassionate eyes. He had been like a father to me, and he was the man I had thought might one day invite me to his family as his legal daughter-in-law but to become like a daughter.

My mind taunted me with the similarities in front of me. Carlisle was beside Edward watching him give himself to be joined with Bella. Just as I had hoped he would stand by me and give _me_ away to Edward, giving me the chance to belong to a family properly rather than just being an outsider.

My eyes passed across Carlisle to see Jasper and Emmett standing as Edward's groomsmen.

I felt a flutter of happiness at seeing them again, but it was soon squashed when I remembered the situation. This wasn't how I had hoped I would next see them.

I glanced to see Jasper searching the crowd for the conflicting sad emotions which acted as a beacon to him in the sea of happiness and calm.

Eventually, his honey eyes settled on me, and I gave him a false smile. Jasper knew, of course he did, that my facade was just that, a facade. Even the greatest liars couldn't lie to themselves. He was understanding. He soaked up my emotions and nodded to say that he understood why I felt this way. He didn't judge me for being unhappy in this moment. He knew that I couldn't be happy right now. I had lost too much for me to be filled with the same peace and joy as the others who sat around me.

He jerked his head towards Emmett and rolled his eyes at Emmett's oblivious state. His little joke wasn't enough to clear my emotions completely, but I could find it in me to crack a small smile. After that I didn't dare search for the rest of the Cullen's. I knew they would be here, but I didn't feel that I could bear to see them as they watched me fall apart. This was their happy day, and I didn't want to be the scar that marred its perfection.

I dropped my gaze from the ceremony, and a tear escaped to trail down my cheek. Its path seemed like it burned my skin. It was filled with hurt, jealousy, resentment and desperation.

I knew I had no right to hate Bella. She was just an innocent girl who fell in love with a boy, but I had been her. All those years ago it had been me who was holding Edward's hand and basking in his golden gaze. I had been like her and dreamed of this wonderful wedding day. I had imagined what it would feel like to have Edward place a wedding ring on my finger and declare me his. It had been all I ever wanted, to have my hand in his and embrace the feeling of completeness, knowing that I would be his for eternity.

Jealousy seeped through my veins with every heavy thump of my fractured heart, all because Bella was able to have the experience I craved, while all I could do was dream about it. Just wish upon an empty dream with tainted hope and plead with fate for it to come true.

But really, how self-centred was I being? Thinking that where Bella stood was my rightful place, when I knew I was never meant to be there enjoying the blissful moment of my wedding day.

No, I was fated to always be watching from the side lines. To watch with a smile as everyone else experienced the life events I most wanted, to fade into the background without complaint. To be a ghost in life, just like the children at the orphanage had accused me of being those seven years ago.

Another laden breath left my lips in a shaky sigh.

"So you're a crier, huh?" I turned to see Seth grinning at me as he held out a tissue. I couldn't return his mega watt smile, but I used all my effort to give him a small smile as I dabbed at my eyes.

"Sometimes emotions just overwhelm you," I said, and smiled weakly before returning my gaze to the ceremony.

Only this time I wasn't allowed to look upon the happy couple unnoticed. This time I fell into Edward's amber eyes and my heart shattered into a million shards, cutting my soul to shreds It should have hurt but what did it really matter, I had no need for a soul when its mate was being joined to another.

As his eyes took in my expression, I watched as they flashed with his emotions. I didn't want to see them there, especially not the ones such as love and regret. They only made the pain in my chest twist and writhe.

I wanted nothing more than to lock my eyes with his and never look away, to just bathe in the love I felt for him, but I could see Bella in my peripheral vision and because of her, my empty chest became a battle ground. It was because of her presence that my body soaked with guilt due to the longing I had for Edward.

She didn't deserve my blame or hate. She was just Bella, just a girl who fell in love and I was a wretched being for feeling what I felt.

I smiled slightly at Edward. He couldn't dwell on my presence when he had beautiful Bella right in front of him. The girl he clearly wanted. I watched as he turned back to Bella, leaving me in the cold shadow of life without his loving stare.

I swallowed the resentment that had left a bitter taste in my mouth and focussed my eyes on Bella.

If I just ignored the emotional storm brewing in the room and focussed on the little ray of sunshine created by seeing Bella, then perhaps I could escape the turmoil that loomed over me. I just had to remember this was Bella's wedding. The sweet little girl I had loved and still loved as a sister, and the intelligent child that had spent hours with me looking at Aslo's book. The girl that had loved the picture of the sparkling man, Derren.

_This was just a wedding, just a wonderfully happy wedding._

I kept up this mantra during the simple ceremony until the minister asked Edward his final question.

"As long as you both shall live?"

The words made my breath hitch, and I curled my fingers tightly around the edge of the chair as I watched and waited in hope and horror, whilst Edward seemed to study Bella. His eyes gazed deeply into hers, but in a fleeting moment his eyes flickered towards me. I felt my heart beat loudly with every moment that his eyes rested on my seated form.

I wanted to say something, anything that would quell the raging torrent of agony I felt.

Could I let him destroy Bella by uttering the words 'no', just so that I could have him forever as mine and mine alone?

No.

No matter how much I loved him. I cared for Bella and Renée, and I couldn't hurt them that way.

I locked my gaze with his and slowly shook my head, while every particle in my body fought against my decision to let him go.

His eyes registered my action, and I ignored the confusion and hurt that ran through them.

As he turned away from me I sat with baited breath and waited for his reply.

The short silence before he spoke seemed to last forever and taunted me with the beautiful possibility that I could have him, that I could go back to how things had been just a few days ago. However, that beautiful possibility was just a pipe dream, and eventually his voice cleared and a strong 'I do' rung out into the air.

The sound ripped at the hole where my heart had been but somehow my mask like exterior remained intact. Instead I sat there shell shocked, as I watched Edward and Bella share a kiss for the first time. This kiss wasn't an ordinary one. Not like the one's me and Edward had shared. This kiss held so much significance that I couldn't look away, even though it was torture to see. It was like watching a car crash, each second I wanted to look away and protect myself, but I found my eyes masochistically glued to the scene.

When they parted the crowd erupted into cheers and burst upwards from their seats in jubilation.

I didn't.

I couldn't.

I was numb and waiting for the wave of emotion to crash over me. I was waiting for the heavy weight of its pressure to surround and drown me.

As I sat in my near catatonic state, I wondered if it was possible to die from a broken heart, because if so, then I would be certain that this is what it would feel like.

I hadn't stayed in the house after the ceremony to congratulate the happy couple, instead I ran.

I ran from the pain that chased me.

I ran from the girl I loved and hated in equal measure, and I ran from her doting mother that would want to introduce me and let me share her excitement.

I couldn't put myself through that. I had barely been strong enough to survive the wedding, so I knew I was too fragile to survive the after party.

Consequently, I now sat in my jump site clearing with tears pouring down my face. I begged the tingle to take me away, or to make me feel something other than the wretched pain that saturated me now.

The distant sounds of cheering, talking and singing drifted from the backyard where the reception was held. It was a happy soundtrack because a wedding was meant to be a happy event.

Why couldn't I be happy? Why couldn't I erase the hurt I felt about losing Edward and just be happy for Bella?

I knew why.

It was because my mind viciously played out the happy memories that I had shared with Edward and the other Cullen's. The memories kept me in this state of feeling only half full with happiness for little Bella.

Did they treat Bella like they had treated me?

Were we interchangeable to them, to Edward?

No, surely that couldn't be the case because they had never encouraged Edward to marry me. Why would they? My past was marred with unpleasant events, why would they want such _dirt_ binding to their family permanently? I wasn't clean and innocent. Not like Bella. The raw facts of it were that I wasn't as good for him as Bella was and I knew that with spiteful clarity. She could be here with him, always. I couldn't.

My life wouldn't let me. No matter how much I wanted it.

Then again, would Edward have ever really wanted me like he wanted Bella? Would he have wanted me to be his wife if he knew Bella would exist and be his, or if he knew my past?

Did he think I was as worthy as she?

I felt anger rage through me as I thought of him. How could he claim to have loved me like no other and yet moved on so easily?

_Because you made him promise to do it._ My conscious enemy hissed, reminding me of the greatest betrayal I had ever made to my heart. I had wished away the love of my life because I wanted him to happy without me. It was supposed to be a selfless act of love, but now I hated that I hadn't selfishly held onto him. I had thought I could be noble and altruistic, that I could make peace with such a thing, but I couldn't, not the way a true selfless person could. It was not wired in my nature. I had survived this life through set principles of risks, survival and levels of guardedness. Edward had slain each of those, and I had committed such a sin against my character. I had released all feeling of emotional self-preservation and thought only of Edward and his welfare. I had cut my heart to shreds all because I cared more for him than myself.

And the repulsive truth of it was that, even now, I masochistically craved his happiness over mine. I found a sick sense of joy that this was his wedding day, that he had finally walked up the aisle and spoken the vows, as I was certain he had longed to do ever since 1918. My heart be damned that it wasn't with me.

The sound of a door opening pierced my sob filled haze, and I scuttled closer to the tree so that I was hidden away from searching gazes.

My pride wouldn't let me be seen this way. They would only judge me as a pathetic lovesick teenager. They wouldn't see the heartbroken woman below my surface who was grieving a dream about a life that had been lost.

I clutched my locket to my chest and curled myself around it, while my dress spilled out around me.

"Sarelle." I jumped from the sudden closeness of the sound as it pierced my bubble like silence. His soft voice still felt like velvet against my ears, but it ripped at the pulsing wound where my heart had been. Just angry raw flesh.

I didn't answer; instead I focussed on his ring that still burned on my left engagement finger. The eternity ring he had given me, promising me that I was his angel, forever and eternity. My mind scoffed at how now the simple platinum band was practically meaningless now. It was yet another trinket which my mind forbid me to discard. All because of a foolish sense of sentimental value which made it seem too precious to lose.

"Sarelle, please, will you give me this dance?" I could hear the hidden desperation in his voice, but I refused to acknowledge it. He shouldn't be feeling it. He hadn't lost anything. In fact, he had gained everything I had ever wanted, and with a girl that was so much better for him than I ever could be.

I looked up to see his ashen hand extended to me, and through the bitterness, I felt like it called to my own. As if they were made to fit together. As if we were made to be together.

But I was wrong.

It wasn't the other half to my hand, and he wasn't my destined missing half sent to complete me. No matter how much I believed him to be.

He was Bella's.

That hand was Bella's to hold, the shining wedding band told me that.

The jealousy I felt when I saw that ring sizzled like acid against my empty chest, leaving an acrid taste in my mouth.

"Where's your wife?" I could clearly hear the acidic tone in my voice, and I knew he would too, but I couldn't bring myself out of my sorry state to ease any discomfort he may feel at the hurt I displayed.

"She's dancing with a friend," he said, but the word 'friend' didn't seem to sit well in his mouth. I wondered if he knew firsthand the kind of jealousy I was feeling right now.

_He deserves it..._A distant internal voice hissed, and I cringed at the hidden hate that boiled in my core. I didn't want to hate him, but I was in too much of a mess to decide which emotions were right to feel. Instead my body was hurled from one end of the scale to the other in mere seconds. I hated my hormones for having such control over me.

"You shouldn't be here. You should be with Bella. That's where you're meant to be." My voice had no real conviction due to its loss of resentment, but I looked up in hope that he had accepted my command and left.

He hadn't. Instead he gasped as his eyes locked with mine, and he saw my battered soul as it echoed through my eyes.

In that moment I saw every emotion that I wanted to desperately ignore, guilt, sadness, regret, passion, and the worst of all, love.

"Sarelle." His voice broke as his face showed the pain of his silent sobs.

I couldn't bear to see him so broken in front of me, so I rushed to stand before him. I took his hand in mine and brought his other to rest at my waist. As soon as we settled into each other we began to sway slowly to a distant melodious tune that drifted from the reception.

His sorrow filled eyes met my own, and I couldn't help but melt into him.

Why had this happened to us?

We had been so in love, so happy. Yet, now we stood in each other's arms with our future together broken beyond repair. I knew I had told him to find love in my absence, so I had no right to feel this betrayal. Then again, human emotions weren't reasonable and rational, and as I knew too well altruism didn't mix with my mind. It was like sugar in cold water. It mixed temporarily with great effort, but when it all settles there is no way for the two to meld.

I brought my shaking hand up to his face and brushed his brilliant bronze hair away from his face. He leant into my touch, and I luxuriated in the tender feeling he used as he skimmed his nose along the length of my lower arm - a small but sad smile playing on his lips.

How could I even start to hate this man, when I was still so much in love with him?

"You kept your promise," I murmured, staring at my feet, the platinum band glinting in the twilight as a beacon for our past.

"Fifty five years I've begged for this scent to cloud my mind. Fifty five years I've longed to hold you in my arms, and here you are, on my wedding day. Fate truly is a cruel force." As he spoke he strengthened his grip on my waist and placed soft kisses on my wrist, inhaling my floral scent deeply.

I watched him in rapture as the dim rosy sunlight bathed his pale complexion in a peachy hue and made him glimmer slightly. It made him look like an angel in front of me. It matched the heavenly feeling that soaked through me at his touch.

I couldn't forget that this wasn't a romantic reunion because instead this was the end for us.

"It may have been fifty five years for you, Edward, but it's been mere days for me. Our last moments in the meadow are still so clear to me." I tried desperately to stop my voice was cracking, but instead it was left to be nothing but a whisper. In a way, it matched the weakness I now felt.

Edward's fingertips played with the pale pink hem on my dress, and I watched his face as it looked wistfully at the fabric in his hands. He knew that this was what I was wearing last time we saw each other, and just as it filled my mind with memories, it saturated his own.

We swayed a little while longer as we each just enjoyed the feeling of comfort that seemed to surround us. As we danced away from the party in our little meadow, I felt that we were in our own little bubble. As if the life outside this small patch of sunlight didn't mean anything. There was nothing waiting for us, nothing that was waiting to split us up.

A new song started to play out, and I recognised it immediately, but that wasn't the reason for the puzzled look I gave Edward.

_My song? _I asked him internally, and he nodded smiling softly.

"I never forgot you, Sarelle. There was never a second when you didn't occupy my mind." He lightly brushed his hand across my cheek and trailed it down through my hair with a look in his eye as if he was memorising every insignificant detail.

It was the touch I longed for, but also the touch that riddled me with guilt. I couldn't let him treat me like this when his wife danced just a few metres away. I should be left out with the waste for my covetous thoughts. To want a married man was not something I did and this moment was the wrong time to be thinking of Edward in such a loving way. It was his wedding. I held no right to adoration here.

"I wish I could hear those words and feel nothing but happiness. But I can't do this to Bella. She's your wife and my friend."

Edward nodded and glanced towards the house. The party was slightly visible through the large windows. "I would never hurt Bella, but this feels right. Everything about you, it feels like home."

"But it doesn't work like that. You love her." I dropped my eyes from the man I loved because I knew what I said was true. He loved Bella, and whatever he once felt for me wasn't strong enough for this dancing embrace to be anything but wrong.

Nearly as soon as my eyes left Edward's, I felt his gentle touch guiding my face back up, and his eyes searched mine.

"I love you too." There was no way I could ignore that voice. There was nothing hidden in it that hinted at lies. It was because of this that I felt a tear slip down my cheek. Edward frowned and went to catch it with a light kiss, but I turned my head away. I wanted him too much for a simple act of a kiss to mean anything innocent to me. I couldn't allow myself the temptation his touches sparked.

"Don't say that, Edward, please. You're with Bella now. You can't say those things to me." His palms cupped my face, and I felt my eyes blur with the traitor tears building. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want him to feel guilt just because he loved someone else.

I knew I felt hurt, but I also knew that it was an irrational emotion. How could I really deny him the happiness of finding someone new, when he had suffered so much time alone, when I told him to love again?

What kind of person would I be if I made him suffer for hurting me, when all I could offer him was a few brief months of happiness before I disappeared again without any promise of ever coming back?

"Sarelle, is it wrong to love two people at once? Please tell me, because that's how I feel." His eyes burned with the weight of his question and the confusion he felt. I just wished I could give him an answer that would make us both happy.

"Yes, Edward, when you're married, it is." The words stung my tongue as I said them, and my heart screamed at me for becoming the cause of my own pain.

When I finally allowed myself to look into his eyes I knew I had expected to see understanding, but I was shocked to see there was nothing there but passion. I panicked when he didn't release me from his loving hold. I tried to escape, but his arms were strong around me. I soon realised that I didn't have the strength to escape him, because really I didn't want to. Everything in me conflicted. I hated the way I loved his touch. I crawled with guilt at the envy I felt for Bella. With every second I searched his eyes I fell against my will. I was helpless to deny him. I felt the anticipation build in me as he leant forward, his cool breath fluttering against my skin.

"Then forgive me for I have sinned," he whispered the words into my ear. I hated the desiring shiver that ran down my spine as his scent clouded my mind, and the cool feel of him ignited the fire that had burnt in me when we were together.

I didn't want to want him. It would do me no good to feel this way when there was no way for me to ever have him, but I would be damned if I didn't adore his passion.

I felt his lips brush against my forehead, and then the tip of my nose, making their way towards my aching lips that begged for his divine touch. As soon as I felt his hands lightly tilt my face towards his I felt a new wave of panic sear through me.

I couldn't do this.

I couldn't kiss a married man, especially when he was married to Bella. It didn't matter that he was Edward, and we had history between us. He wasn't my Edward anymore, he was Bella's.

I lurched away from his seductive grasp and waited for the butterflies in my stomach to still and my racing blood to slow down, before standing static still in his arms.

I couldn't kiss him, but I didn't want to leave his embrace. It was where I felt safe and at home.

Edward sighed and rested his head on the top of mine as I leant against his chest.

We stood in comfortable silence until the all too familiar tingle sparked in my fingertips. My whole body tensed at the sensation, and I felt Edward stiffen next to me.

"I can't be here for you like Bella can. No matter how much I want it." I sniffled, and I leant away from his shirt before my tears stained it. I wouldn't leave any mark on him, that way Bella would never know there was one before her. He could be completely hers without any ghost of me left behind with him.

"Why is it that no matter how many times I lose you, the hurt still tears at me? It never fades." Edward's voice was faint. He clutched me closer to him, as if it would make a difference. If only it was possible for me to stay with him just by the strength of his hold. If that was the case then we would never have gotten to this point of goodbye.

"Please don't, Edward, because I can't bear the thought of causing you pain." I desperately cupped his face in my palms and looked into his troubled eyes. I had to show him that this wasn't the end; this was just the end of us. He still had an eternity of happiness waiting for him. He had Bella.

"Just focus on everything you have with Bella, because that is everything you'll ever need." Edward let out a slow breath and nodded slightly.

I dropped my hands, and he softly wrapped them up in his own whilst his eyes locked in mine.

"Will I ever see you again?" There was no fight left in his voice. He knew there was nothing he could do but accept this and resign himself to the fact that this may be the last time we ever saw each other again. It was a horrible thought, but it was the only reality we had. There was no other option left to us.

"You know that only fate can decide that." I smiled slightly through my drying tears.

"Perhaps I could make a deal with the devil. I'm already damned to hell." He laughed but it wasn't happy.

"You know better than that, Edward." I grinned sadly, and he tried to return it before dropping his eyes from mine. I couldn't have him sad. I didn't want our last few moments to be drenched in sadness when we had experienced so many moments of pure joy.

"I would give anything to keep you with me," he said as he brushed a fingertip across my cheek. I grasped his loving hand in mine placing a light kiss on his palm before bringing my other hand to rest against his face.

"Edward. You've had a beautiful wedding with beautiful decorations and a beautiful wife. You're going to have a perfect eternity together." I hoped my eyes shone with my sincerity because I couldn't let them falter now. I couldn't show him the cracked being beneath the surface. I heard a faint feminine laugh and turned Edward's face toward the sound.

Bella was just about visible through the window as she danced happily with a tall russet coloured man. She was a vision of bliss.

"She's what you want, Edward. She's what you have. Don't chase a past memory when your reality is so much better." Edward turned back to face me and placed his hand over my own. His touch filled my hand with the wonderful cold feeling I had grown to adore during our time together.

"I _can't_ lose you again." His voice broke, and his eyes lost some of the remnant glow they had from seeing Bella.

I smiled and brought his other hand to rest above my locket where it rested above my beating heart.

"You'll never lose me. A part of me will always be with you, because no matter what happens, you will always have our past, our memories." _our love..._He smiled sadly and brought both our hands to clutch around my locket as our foreheads leant together.

"I'll cherish it for eternity, forever and eternity," his voice whispered.

"Don't waste time being unhappy, Edward. It's too precious. You and Bella deserve to have a happily ever after." As soon as my words left my mouth I felt the tingle surged around me. With a sigh I turned to pick up my bag then back to give Edward the only goodbye I could, even if neither of us wanted it.

He stood motionless as I leant up to place a final kiss upon his cool cheek.

"Goodbye, Edward."

And with that I left him, the man I loved, to have a perfect eternity with another woman, and keep his promise.

**A/N: Don't worry this isn't the last chapter, far from it. **

**Ok so here's a bit of an explanation about this story, because it's a little more than just a time travelling story (although that is obviously the main aspect of it)**

**Basically, I've read the twilight books far too many times. Anyway, I remembered and picked up on little things, whether it was Edward's reaction to something Bella said or did, or a break when we didn't know what Edward was doing or where he was. I figured this story could be the reason for those reactions. Like the story Stephenie forgot to mention. Example: when Bella says she likes Clair de Lune in Twilight and Edward looks as if he is thinking of something - if you think of _this_ story then it could be that he's thinking of Sarelle and how it used to be one of her favourites. Also Edward's resistance to Bella, what if it wasn't purely based on her scent but also the fact that he was reluctant to just give up on Sarelle ever coming back to him. Or how Edward says that the fifties were bearable - it could be because that's when he met Sarelle in Belmore.**

**There're loads of really small things in the twilight saga that, if you reread it while remembering this story, could have an alternate meaning given Sarelle's existence and influence in the Cullens' lives.**

**So yeah, although this story is a separate story by itself. I wanted it to subtly fit with the twilight saga. Then again don't assume it will follow the story line exactly :P**

**Ok random blab-fest over. =D**

**Maybe leave me a review, let me see what you think, or if you know of any other points in the saga that could be interpretated differently after reading this story, or just generally ask me something - I always try to get back to any questions people have asked.**

**xxx**


	36. Chapter 35

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Woah! Seriously you knocked me over with the reviews for the last chapter. I knew it would be a turning point in the story, but really, wow! I didn't realise just how much it changed the story for you all. I hope you'll continue to read until the end because I couldn't end Sarelle's story like that - I'm mean but I'm really not that harsh that I would leave her completely heartbroken for the rest of her miserable life... maybe.**

**I've a few more tricks up my sleeve :P**

**ALSO go to my profile and vote on the poll! :D**

My eyes settled on the rose bush. Its leaves were curled in on themselves or withered on the ground. The buds no longer bloomed with pretty pink flowers, but instead sat dormant making the bush look dead and wasted.

How odd that it could resemble the feeling within me now, the emptiness and grief that was left over from the shock of my latest discovery.

I felt my jaw clench tight as the tears burned my eyes again. All I wanted was a dream and a chance that it could come true. Why was it that fate felt the need to build up my hopes then crush them within the same day? It let me heal and recuperate just to smash me to the floor again while it laughed in my face.

Bitterness seethed in my veins and I reached to tear a handful of brittle rose leaves from the bush, just to crush them in my hand, just to feel the thorns bite into my skin, just to feel _something_.

A cry of anguish, anger, and loss escaped through my gritted teeth while a brutal cold wind whipped at my face. All the love and selfless idiocy that I had felt when Edward held me in his arms was wiped away, and all I was left with was the hatred of the life I had been dealt. My body reeked of the absolute grief that I had lost everything, a whole life and dream, to another girl. Another girl that I couldn't even hate! It was like some kind of twisted form of torture. I had all these emotions pent up in my soul forming a cacophony of feeling and yet I couldn't truly release them because the affection I felt for Bella was keeping them locked up.

I wanted nothing more than to curse and cry and spit her name in jealousy because she had what I wanted, but I couldn't because my mind rebuked me every time – flashing her sweet young face. Memories of her happy innocent laughter and chocolate bouncing curls filled my mind, past moments when she had sat on my knee and been fascinated by Aslo's book.

She was just a girl who met a man and wanted him forever. I knew that. Still I wanted so badly to hate her, just for an outlet for the anger because I couldn't hate Edward. No matter how much I reran the situation in my head. There was certainly part of me that seethed at the fact her had moved on and found another. I knew it had been over half a century but the bitter blameful side of me wanted to accuse him of being heartless and fickle. I wanted to curse him for abandoning hope and falling for another girl. However, my heart's feelings were overwhelmed but my mind's logic. He had just kept his promise. In a way it proved he still loved me. The fact that he followed my request and fell in love – just like I made him promise to.

What a fatal mistake that promise had been, and what a fool I had been for thinking it a noble, good idea. I wanted Edward happy, but I knew now I didn't want him to love another, hold another, kiss another. I wanted to be the only one.

But what's done is done and I must deal with the consequences of my choices.

My hand tightened around the thorny crushed leaves in my palm. My knuckles were white with the tension of my skin over my bones. My body was just stiff with the rage rolling through me.

Why did I ever fall in love when this is the pain it brings?

Everyone always talks of the bliss, the ecstasy, the loving contentment and completeness. No one ever tells you about the bittersweet balance it all hangs on. There is never any hint given about the existence of the horrible dark side of the so called wonderful emotion. No one warns you of the heartbreak, the jealousy, and the way it changes your character into something almost unrecognisable. No one tells you about how weak it can make you become no matter how strong you felt when you were in it. And worse still was that no matter how much pain it causes you, you cannot live without it or at least the hope of it. It is the worst addiction that can take hold of you because it isn't just a physical craving or a psychological need. It's a yearning that rocks everything you are, right to the very pit of your soul.

My legs gave way and I fell to my knees as I felt the strength of that yearning take hold of me. This was no mere heartbreak like last time. This wasn't any kind of agony that came with a cure, unlike last time when I still had the hope of a future with Edward. This was an endless realisation that every hope, dream, and fanciful thought had just been extinguished.

Strangely the tears that burned my eyes didn't fall; all that came was stone cold hatred and emptiness. My fists pounded the earth, my hands ripped at the grass around me, and my arms thrashed at the thorny rose bush.

_Love be damned, my heart be damned, for I have no use for either now._

* * *

My cuts were healing slowly. They no longer caused people to stare, not like they used to when I first gained them a week ago.

When I finally left my jump place behind the rose bush, and wandered from Chicago Park to the centre of town, people had stared at the blood dripping down my forearms and the criss-crossed scratches. I wasn't even dressed to match their time, I was the odd one out and how fitting that was. I hadn't acknowledged their stares as I walked with purpose to the nearest hotel. My head held high and my eyes set in a steely stare.

As soon as I had entered the hotel I fixed a false cautious smile on my face and an apologetic tone in my voice. The receptionist had helped me instantly and gullibly believed me when I claimed I had fallen whilst walking in the park. No matter that there were no dirt marks on my pretty little dress, or any tangible signs of a fall.

I had paid for a room in the hotel using the emergency money I had taken from my bank account before I left Belmore. It was a modest amount of $5000, but it was necessary since Aslo's bank arrangement held no real use yet. Although, I was glad to know that the bank account had been opened recently and held a reasonable amount. Strange to think that a mere month ago somewhere in Biloxi my thirteen-year-old self would have been talking with Aslo.

It had been 12th October 1917 when I arrived in Chicago so I knew _he_ was still alive and living here. I could have run straight to the Masens' house and burst into their lives again, as always, but I didn't. Instead I had seethed in my hotel room until I was quite certain I was numb. It had taken just a week for me to lose all sense of feeling. I had expected it to take longer, but I was glad it didn't.

I had rarely left my hotel room in the past week, but when I did it was only to walk the streets in a surly state. It was nothing like the previous walks on these cobbled streets, when I would skip, light and happy, as a young girl.

I glanced down at the healing scratches; it was a good thing that the weather was so cold because it made my long sleeved outfits less noticeable.

I shrugged on my navy coat from Belmore and slipped my feet into my red flat shoes which had also been purchased there. It was only my cornflower blue dress vintage dress that Alice had bought that truly blended in with the fashions of the time.

I hadn't really tried to blend in here, possibly due to the loathsome apathy that held me. I didn't pin my hair up like the other girls my age, instead I let it ripple across my shoulders and flutter in the wind. Nor did I join the many adolescent girls in their daily rituals of gossiping at tea, or buying pretty garments. Instead I just walked the streets, visited the library, or roamed through the dusty old music store I had found. My existence was much like it had been in Florida, only seventy years in the past.

I shut the strong oak door behind me, leaving the moderate luxury of the hotel room.

It was nicely decorated with cream refreshing walls and intricate polished furniture. The proportions were probably better suited to a studio apartment than a hotel room so it gave me the sense of privacy and home, though I didn't let myself get too attached.

As I entered the elevator I ignored the open smiles of the few people already present.

I'd had friends and I had lost them too many times to care about making new ones. I was a rock: steady, strong, but unfeeling. It seemed the safest way to be.

I gave a stern nod to the receptionist as she wished me a pleasant day and vaguely heard her talk about me to a new arrival. It was strange how I was the subject of gossip. It seemed society enjoyed talking about those who were elusive, odd, and reclusive.

"Oh yes, that's Miss St Clair. She arrived a week ago. Apparently she has a wealthy guardian." The receptionist's voice was speculative and it was clear her gossiping companions were interested to learn about the strange, unsmiling girl with the mysterious wealthy guardian. I may have been sixteen but I was still an adolescent in their eyes and so my solitary lifestyle was quite unusual.

I swept out of the lobby onto the street without acknowledging or even caring about the gossip revolving around me. People could talk and speculate as much as they wanted, they were never getting in.

My feet tapped steadily on the pavement as I walked through the bustling streets. It was to be Halloween in a week's time so decorations were strung around the streets. Ribbons of orange and black intertwined on lampposts, while carved pumpkins sat in shop windows.

I had never really celebrated Halloween, in fact I had never really celebrated anything, not even Christmas thanks to the tingle ruling my life. My birthdays were generally unnoticed and any other important day was disrupted by other events happening. I knew if I had still been in Belmore with the Cullens we would have indulged Emmett and Alice with Halloween costumes, gimmicks, and tricks. However, here it would just be another day for me to watch pass by.

The hours passed easily, and I found myself wandering out of the main streets towards the residential areas of the town.

It was no real surprise to me that my subconscious had led me to the Masens' home, and I knew it would be so easy to just walk down the street and knock on the large black door. However, my feet didn't move any further down the street, my heart wouldn't let them.

I wasn't ready to face Edward, no matter what form, or age, he may be. I knew that much, but the fact that I had ended up here without my conscious effort was a clear sign that the desire to see Edward Senior and Elizabeth was still there, even if the idea of seeing their son caused a distant ache to resonate in my heart.

Perhaps someday I could knock on their door and throw myself back into their kind friendship. That is if they still would want such a thing. However, that day was not today, so I walked back to the regal Windsor Hotel and situated myself in the far corner of the restaurant to eat.

No one ever sat near me due to the table being in the darker, less desirable, area of the restaurant. It was a blessing as I didn't want to be hassled by pointless chit chat. It was the act of a happy, content person, and I was neither.

* * *

An infrequent smile played on my lips as I sat on the velvet piano bench, the ivory keys playing to my every whim.

This was my release. It was one of the precious moments I could almost feel something other than bland nothingness. The music was the aural representation of my emotions.

When my fingertips danced over the piano and filled the air with my musical emotions, I could feel them resonating through my core. The vibrations made me feel a little more alive than just my beating heart and pumping veins. They were just biological, this was almost spiritual.

Another week had passed, and I found it a little more restless than the previous. My walks were no longer aimless as no matter where I went, I always ended up at the Masens' street. Staring down at the black door and wondering if that day would be the day I had the courage to knock upon it. Sometimes I would make it halfway down towards it, other times I would turn away in an instant, but either way I ended up there.

It was disturbing my empty sense of feeling, filling it with flickers of emotions before leaving me numb again.

These piano sessions were my relief, allowing the emotions to play in me just a little longer before I went back to my stone state.

As the music rang out in the air I closed my eyes to the shop. I didn't need to look at the keys because I wasn't playing a set piece of music. It was just me, just an echo of the girl I used to be (before I stuffed down any sense of humanity) and the way she felt. It was the one opportunity when I allowed the old me to escape from the rock-like prison and drift to the surface.

With my hidden self, came the memories, thousands of images flicking through my head, some slowing to allow me a play by play. They didn't hurt, most of them. Even the ones with Edward were nice to remember, although they had a bitter edge. He was my past now, I had to move on.

"You play beautifully." I voice shocked me from my playing, and I spun on the bench to look upon its owner.

I felt my raw emotions spring to the surface as soon as I laid my eyes upon him.

"I apologise, I didn't mean to interrupt." He handed me a tissue, and I took it dumbly, not even realising I had fresh tears running down my cheeks.

His green eyes looked startled, and I watched as he ran a nervous hand through his bronze hair.

A whimper escaped my lips, and I clamped my hand over it firmly. I had to lock down and go back to the numbness because otherwise I would never survive this meeting.

As I dabbed my eyes I took in his appearance. He was older, much older, than the last time I had seen his human self. His face had lost some of its roundness, although it wasn't as defined and angular as his immortal version. His cheeks had a rosy flush, but it could have been from embarrassment as I noticed he was shifting slightly under my gaze.

I blinked hard and pushed down the swell of emotion rising to the surface, half turning back to the piano.

When I opened my eyes again I was content to know that I was back to the stony state that was safest.

I reached out to return the tissue to him, but he shook his head firmly, a tight smile on his lips.

"What was it you were playing, if I may ask?" His voice wasn't velvet, just human, but it still sounded wonderful to my ears.

_Damn my feelings, damn my heart, they have no right or use here. And romance can go to hell!_

"It doesn't have a name. Just an improvisation." His eyebrows rose slightly, and I had to stop my smile at his surprise. Inside I was burning, pining, and fighting back elation. I would not fall again, I could not fall again, but my heart was battling my mind's choice. It wouldn't win, I was almost certain of the fact because I couldn't do what I did to myself again. I wouldn't be able to survive another romantic attachment – not with Edward.

"I apologise for my rude interruption, especially of such a moving piece. To create it through improvisation points towards a great talent, have you studied in music?" His left arm held a leather bound bundle of papers while his right was bent behind his back in a respectable posture. I didn't let my heart govern my mind's interest in what those papers held, whether they were notes, music, or journals. I would squash any intrigue that concerned Edward and the depths of his character.

"No, Sir, I have not, but I thank you for your compliment." I rose from the piano bench and nodded to him as I went to leave. I had to get away from his presence before my last ounce of emotional control became like ash to the wind.

"Please excuse my lack of manners. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Edward Masen. May I enquire as to your own? Name that is..." He smiled tightly.

"Sarelle, Sarelle St Clair." I kept my voice as polite as possible. I didn't want to inflect any hint of previous friendship because I didn't think I could allow myself to rush into meeting anymore people that meant something to me. If I ever came to meet his parents, it would be under my terms not any coercion by him.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss St Clair." Edward bowed his head slightly in a gentlemanly gesture.

"I express the same sentiment to yourself, Mr. Masen. Good day." I left the shop as soon as possible and gasped from breath as I hit the street.

I could feel it building in the pit of my stomach, the crack forming in my steely facade.

**A/N: Thank you for reading and if you were curious Sarelle's piano piece was based on _Il Giorni_ by Ludovico Einaudi**


	37. Chapter 36

**A/N: I'm glad you're still all enjoying the story, I wasnt sure if chapter 34 would put people off. Anyway sorry this isn't that long but it is what it is.**

**P.S visit my profile and vote on the poll. It will probably effect the path of this story a lot so I want to get a feel for which direction I'm going to go in now.**

**Enjoy!**

**x**

After my meeting with Edward Masen, I felt the crack that had been created open further with every passing day. Each morning I woke to find the fissure had crept across my numb state and widened the vulnerable gap of raw emotion. It allowed the emotions, which sat restrained under the cold exterior, to seep to the surface. I could feel myself starting to thaw out and it scared me more than anything. I was comfortable with the state of blank emotion, and I wasn't sure if I could cope with returning to a state of mind where I could feel again.

The first night after meeting Edward I felt a single tear slide down my cheek, it's heat searing down through the cold of me and reaching for the warm humanity that I had beaten down. As the droplet slipped over my skin I felt it beckon my memories and emotions to the forefront, to the surface, and I found I had no energy to battle them back. Instead I bathed in them. I welcomed every single one, both negative and otherwise, to play through me and release whatever reaction they came with. It was no surprise to me that the single tear multiplied to more, but what was surprising was the fact that they healed rather than hurt. It felt good to feel the anger, resentment, despair because it was _something_ to feel.

Once the sadness had washed over me I found myself turning to laughter, almost hysterical in its force. It wasn't brought on by lunacy, or fear. Instead it burst from me purely because of fate's plan, simply because I saw him. The moment I had turned around and seen him looking at me, I felt as if I could burst at the seams from joy, no matter what time had shown. I had enjoyed seeing him, being near him, watching his small quirks, quiet shyness, and curiosity. For a fleeting second I was able to see him, not as the man I had loved and lost to another, but as a person I had known and hadn't expected to see in a while. I had laughed at the pure coincidence of it all. Of all the music stores, of all the places, where I could have bumped into him or times I could have visited his home, it happened when I was at my most vulnerable and receptive. I had to share a smile at fate's choice. It chose it's moment so well because it was a moment when I couldn't do anything to stop him getting under my skin.

Eventually the laughter had died down, and I had curled up on my plush red bed. I should have known that first night would be the first breakthrough of emotion through my icy depths because since that day my demeanour altered day by day.

I found myself waking the day with vigour and promise rather than apathy. I would offer the receptionist a small smile and a wave as I passed rather than my previous stern nod. I would walk the streets with curiosity and interest rather than a steely, unseeing stare. I walked for fun and discovery rather than mere exercise. I still hadn't gotten to the point of wanting to invite anyone into my life, and I didn't engage in conversation easily, but neither did I return comments with a cool glare.

I wasn't anywhere near my old self, but I could feel the ice queen starting to melt away bit by bit.

Still, I refused to seek out Edward or the Masens, and I refused to hope or dream. I lived and that was it. I did not wish upon the first star at night, and I didn't pick up pennies from the street hoping for good luck during the day. I held no room in my heart for anything other than what was already there and if fate should choose to lead me to the Masens then I would accept such a thing graciously without running, but I wouldn't run to them without cause.

It were these thoughts that occupied my mind as I sat in Chicago Park, switching between watching the cold winter wind race across the fields and pond, and reading _Great Expectations_. Such an apt title when considering my life's journey.

The park was one of my favourite places to visit in Chicago, although there were certainly far prettier and cultural destinations. However none of them held the memories and tranquillity that came with the rolling greenery, rustling leaves, and shimmering pond that were boasted by the park. I had come here after spending sometime buying two new dresses in the town. They were both corseted and full skirted with delicate lace decorating the edges. They were also vivid in their colouring, a vain attempt to add life and vibrancy to my otherwise pastel existence. One was a deep plum shade while the other was a strong ruby red which sat in lovely contrast with my pale hair. Today, however I was wearing a golden yellow frock with my blue coat for warmth. I had taken the effort of pinning my hair in line with the fashion, although due to its volume I could feel it had slipped a little. My bangs skimmed my face and soft wispy curls tickles down my neck or caught on my cherry lip balm when the wind breezed.

With a new gust of the wind I found a sheet of paper tangle with my feet, trying the weave through my legs to freedom.

I bent to glance at the sheet, noticing lines and lines of musical notes blotted across the page. The script was tattered, and lacking a little elegance but the way the music flowed through the scales was a triumph of creativity.

As I sat glancing over the sheet music I heard fast footsteps crunching on the gravel towards me.

I looked up when I heard heavy breathing at my side.

A small smile flickered on my lips before I replaced it with my usual mask or indifference.

"Sir, am I to believe this is yours?" I held out the sheet music and he nodded breathlessly as he bent slightly, clutching the bench to catch his breath. I knew him instantly, from the confident gait of his walk to the bronze depth of his hair. However, I didn't show my recognition.

"Thank you, Miss. Due to this damned wind I have been chasing that piece almost the length of the park." He gushed freely before his face stiffened and became sheepish.

"Please excuse my exuberance and language, Miss." He hand ran through his hair once he took a deep calming breath and I looked away as I chuckled quietly at his apology. I had almost forgotten the need for propriety during these times.

I turned back and nodded in acceptance of his words, handing him his music before turning my face back to my book. I could feel the emotions rising to the surface again, and I had to cover a sniffle with a sigh so that they stayed secret.

"Could I possibly sit beside you, I feel a rest would be beneficial." As Edward asked I shuffled an inch to the side, even though there was plenty of room.

There were a few moments of silence between us, although I could feel his eyes watching me.

"I apologise again for the intrusion on your time, but have we met before?" I glanced swiftly to the side and saw as he ducked slightly to get a better look at my face. My heart was calling to me, telling me to just look him in the eye, but I didn't because I knew I would just end up falling again. Falling far too deep into the green pools.

"I'm not entirely sure, Sir. Have we?" I took another glance at him and recognition flit across his frustratingly handsome face.

"Miss St Clair, yes? From the music store on sixth. I believe we met just a week ago." A small smile played on his lips and his eyes had that curious light again.

_Damn him for his handsome face and sweet allure._

I felt my eyes become a steely stare before I could let the warmth of seeing him drift to the surface.

"...Oh yes. Mr Masen, I believe." I kept my reply short, tearing my eyes away from him to try and focus on my book. Anything to stop myself from studying the strong lines of his face.

"I have visited the music store a few more times since. I hoped I might see you again." I snapped my eye line back up to him and quirked my eyebrow, watching as he brushed another hand through his hair.

"For creative purposes," he said as he cleared his throat.

"For creative purposes?" I closed my book after marking my page and cocked my head in his direction.

"I found your playing rather inspiring, and I hoped I would have another chance to hear you perform." His eyes looked into mine shyly as his lips formed a faint crooked smile. On my immortal it had been blinding.

"Inspiring you say? From what I saw on that page, Mr Masen, you are lacking in neither talent nor creative inspiration," I said and found my snippy voice warming around the words. He had a sweet sense of insecurity that leaked out through his nervous actions and wary, shy glances. It pulled me in against my will, and somehow that gravity angered me.

_I want freedom and choice, not na inescapable prison in the realms of love._

"Thank you, Miss St Clair. It is one of the first compositions I have found worthy of saving. Do you compose?"

"No." I hated the fact I had been so short with my answer, but I could feel my heart pounding every time I looked at him and the way the wind played in his bronze hair. I couldn't let it happen because I knew what would come next, the pain.

I smoothed the skirt of my dress and looked out over the pond while I tried to gather my thoughts and push the flutters of hope down to the pit of my stomach.

"Do you come here often, Miss St Clair?" I turned to looked at him and saw his eyes roving over my face. My blank, indifferent, face.

"Occasionally, I enjoy the fresh air." He nodded almost studying my features. What was he searching for? Was the crack visible on my surface? Was he looking for the way in to my inner thoughts and feelings? Those forbidden musings that whisper in my conscious depths.

The wind blew and a lock of hair stuck to my lip balm again. Before I could reach to remove it, Edward's tentative hand brushed it from its place, his fingertips lightly dancing across my cheek in the process.

I quickly turned my head away as I felt the blush rise in my cheeks. I registered Edward clearing his throat.

I suppressed the smile that seemed to tingle on my lips. Instead I forced them into a line, my brow frowning in the effort.

_Stop it, stop it, stop it. You _will not_ fall in love._

"I think I should go, Mr Masen. I am expected for tea," I said quietly before rising from the bench, my book in my hand.

"May I walk you? A lady shouldn't be made to walk through town alone." His eye's seemed so hopeful and deep down I relished in it, but on the surface I was just a polite mask.

"Thank you for the offer, but I enjoy, and prefer, the independence of walking alone."

"Perhaps, I could call on you one day? I would very much like to continue our conversation." I bowed my head as I felt a distant pang of sympathy. I would have loved to have walked the streets with him and continued our time together, but that was exactly the reason I had to say no. I wanted it too much for it to be anything but a bad thing.

"Mr Masen, I greatly appreciate your conversation and company, but I am not in the situation to encourage our interactions." My voice lost strength towards the end because I could feel myself feelings rebelling against the words.

"Until we meet again, then, Miss St Clair." He seemed to have either misread or ignored my warning as he looked at me with bright eyes and a glorious crooked smile. He was too wonderful for words.

"Good day, Mr Masen." I nodded sternly and marched down the gravel path, the suppressed smile creeping onto my face with every step. I felt my heart flutter as I thought of our interaction together and the innocent curiosity he had regarded me with. I felt almost giddy at his seemingly relentless interest in me – even though we had only met twice. I giggled quietly when I thought of how he had called me inspiring and then I stopped myself abruptly.

_Damn, Edward Masen and his blush-inducing ways._


	38. Chapter 37

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: Another week gone by and another update. Hopefully you like it.**

**x**

My dress was the purest ivory as it sheathed my slim frame. It trailed with elegance to skim the floor. The flimsy layers of white satin and silk dripped off my body, falling in a column from my waist giving the dress an ethereal appeal. The waist pulled in tight and the neck scooped in a soft V, revealing a tempting expanse of my creamy skin. The dress was modest almost to the point of innocence, but that was my intention, for tonight was the Halloween ball. It was a masked event that I had been invited to by a patron of the hotel. It seemed my elusive demeanour had only raised interest rather than dispelling it.

As most Halloween events seemed to do, this ball was the chance to dress up in a disguise of sorts. A single night when you could pretend to be something you're not, or act in a way you wouldn't usually. I had chosen to be an Angel; although I certainly didn't think myself to be in anyway angelic. My choice was more a tribute to Edward's pet name for me. I had purchased the dress, new skin toned shoes, and a mask adorned with pearls, ribbon, and glittering crystals. It was all in tones of silver and cream and sat on the top half of my face, revealing only my eyes and lower features.

I wasn't particularly excited when I first received the invite to the ball; however my disposition had become more and more anxious as the evening neared. I had never been to a ball before, and the only insight into them was through hearing my mother talk about them. I felt almost jittery at the idea of attending one myself. It was due to this excitement that I took the time to dress myself nicely, layering my eyelashes with black mascara and dabbing a faint dot of sparkling nude eye shadow on the inner lids. I slicked on some of my cherry flavour lip balm and pinched my cheeks to add colour to my face. I had already washed my hair and allowed it to dry into its usual tumbling waves before pining it in a delicate twist low on my head. My front layers still fell around my face, and tendrils slipped from the pearl clips to soften the style. All in all I was pleased with my first true attempt at dressing for a social event and I looked forward to the experience, whatever it may bring.

I hadn't yet thought of the finer details concerning my story for the night, I only knew I would have to have one. I had managed to stay in the hotel without too many questions being asked, although I was well aware of the gossip and speculation circling around me. As long as I paid for my stay then there were no qualms over why I was alone or why my guardian was absent. Tonight, however, would be a different matter. It was very odd for a girl my age to be invited to an event like this alone, and especially odd that I wouldn't be arriving with anyone, or be with anyone throughout the night. I just hoped I could deflect and queries well enough for them to be dropped. Perhaps when I got there I could find some common ground with someone and not spend the night completely alone.

I sighed as a knock at my door sounded through the otherwise silent room. I opened the door and smiled gently at the suited man before me, his head bowed in respect.

"Your carriage is here, ma'am." I chuckled at his term of respect and the man's eye's looked up briefly. I noticed him doing a double take but didn't embarrass him by bringing it up. Instead I silently stepped out the door with my invitation in hand and my mask secured on my face.

I had heels on, around 3 inches, and due to my growth spurt I easily levelled with the man's nose. I guessed that placed my height at 5 ft 9, or 5 ft 6 without my shoes on.

As I shut the door behind me I noted the confusion on the man's face.

"Will your guardian, Mr Finn, not be joining you this evening?" he questioned before I fixed him with an impassive stare.

"No, sir, he will not. Although I trust you do not believe me to be incapable of attending such an event without a male presence beside me." I retaliated. I hadn't meant my voice to be so cold but his question had just clarified my previous concerns that people would notice I was alone and would therefore question why.

"No, ma'am. I apologise." He hung his head, his flat topped hat barely hiding the blush on his cheeks. He must have at least been in his late twenties, so I wondered how on earth a sixteen year old girl had managed to make him blush. Was I really that austere and challenging?

"There's no need for an apology, sir. I merely miss him, that's all. His absence is tender topic for me," I said softly, hoping to place myself back in his good graces before he thought of me as a rich, nasty, ward.

He dipped his head in acceptance, and we continued our journey to the carriage in silence. In fact the journey to the ball was strangely quiet as well. The streets weren't as bustling as they had been previously and the orange and black garlands fluttered in the wintery winds – making not a sound as they did so.

Eventually we reached my destination, and I watched with fresh nerves as couples and groups entered the regal establishment. It seemed it was a house, a very big, very expensive looking house. I guessed it made sense since the ball was held by a wealthy person, although I half thought it would have been held in a hotel's ballroom. If the house was big enough to hold a ball then its owners must have been more influential than I first thought.

I bit my lip and took a calming breath, giving the driver a nod as he stood waiting to open the door and help me out.

"Thank you for your services." I tipped him kindly before gulping and straightening my posture to stand tall. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it properly with a smile on my face and confidence in my stance.

I took steady steps up the royal blue carpet which led to the open front door, my dress trailing slightly behind me. Once I had handed in my invitation I hurried to blend myself into the crowd. I didn't want to stand out too much for too long.

As I gently adjusted the mask I felt a surge of gratefulness. At least the mask hid my identity and saved a little of the curiosity. Everyone here was anonymous so I could just blend into the crowd.

I took a deep breath and took my first steps into regal society, not knowing if I would sink or swim.

My mother had never told me about the balls she attended, not in great detail, but I always knew they were enjoyable. Her eyes lit up when she talked about them and now I knew why.

Time was passing far too fast for my liking. I didn't want to go back to my solitary existence in my hotel room. I wanted to stay in this room, filled with glorious luxury, buzzing with tantalising conversation, thriving with absolute happiness and enjoyment. I knew my face was stretched in a smile even though my feet were aching from the hours of dancing.

I had never experienced such interest in my person. People wanted to talk to me, learn about my personality, my likes and dislikes. Men whisked me away to the dance floor and complimented my grace, beauty, and elegance. I was full to bursting with pride and confidence.

No one knew who I was, at least not my name and I didn't know theirs. I wondered if the mystery was what had helped this night to be so easy. People didn't really know that I was the elusive, secretive, Miss St Clair. The lonely girl who lived in the Chesterfield suite at the Winchester Hotel. What a mystery I was to them. I knew if they had known I was walking amongst them I would be the focus of the speculation and gossip, and what an awful thing that would be especially when I knew it could feel like _this_. The freedom and carefree nature of it all. I didn't want to give that up by just telling someone my name.

I glanced up to the man I was currently dancing with, his extravagant gold and red mask covered the left side of his face. His features were aristocratic but I had learnt that he was an aspiring business mogul and planned on taking over his father's chain of restaurants, that was unless his mind got clouded with the glory of the war. He had a high brow and thin lips that pulled into a smug smirk every time another couple glanced at us. We had talked throughout our dance, but I had finally come to the conclusion that I was merely a trophy to him. I didn't miss the company when the dance ended and the music changed.

"I thank you for the dance, Miss. Perhaps I would be so lucky to receive another?" He reached to place a wet kiss on my hand; it left an uncomfortable damp patch which I longed to remove.

"I..." I started but a gentle hand landed on my shoulder.

"I apologise, Mr Winfred-Jones, but I have been eager to dance with Miss St Clair for most of the evening." A satin smooth voice played on the air and my smile became blinding.

"Of course, Dr Cullen. Perhaps another time, Ma'am." The newly named Mr Winfred-Jones tipped his head as I gave a small curtsey. I tried to wipe away the nerves of being identified by Carlisle in front of Mr Winfred-Jones; there was a possibility that he hadn't paid much notice to my name. Possible, but not likely.

In an instant I was in Carlisle's arms, his hand in mine, another at my waist while I rested mine on his shoulder. He was so sturdy and cool, even though his hands were coated in white satin gloves. His mask covered only a small quarter of his face, curling around his right eye in an intricate black and white harlequin pattern. Ribbons of silver laced through the pattern to add a hint of expense.

"Dr Cullen." I grinned and squeezed his hand in welcome.

"I believe we are past such formalities, don't you Sarelle." He smiled and his teeth gleamed in the chandelier lighting. Even his slicked back blonde hair shone.

"Oh, Carlisle, I've missed you." The words rushed out before I bit my tongue. I had forgotten for a moment that I had gone back in time. Back to the time before I met him in Belmore, he hadn't even seen me in the forests of Tennessee yet.

Carlisle's face formed a frown of confusion but it cleared too quickly to crease his handsome face.

"This is still quite unnerving, almost as much as the first time." It was my turn to frown this time.

"It's been six years since I first met you, Sarelle. I believe you were sixteen, nearly seventeen."

"But...I only turned sixteen a few weeks ago."

"Yes quite unnerving," Carlisle murmured as we waltzed through the room.

No matter how many times I had heard segments of my future I still stuttered at the knowledge. It was a strange experience to know something was coming, and to even know when (approximately), but to never really know what the circumstances would be when it happened. I never knew if my coming future was a good thing or not. Although of course meeting those close to me again was always a positive thing to me.

"Six years...so I met you for the first time...like this...in 1911?"

"Yes, I apologise that I've taken some of the mystery out of your future, Sarelle. But you must know this is still so unusual to me." His eyes seemed to shine with the sincerity of his words, and I couldn't help but smile. He was always so careful not to hurt anyone, so careful not to ruin anything for anyone.

"There's no need for sorry, Carlisle. It seems my future is losing a little more of its mystery with every passing day." I sighed as the extent of my words sunk through me. I had been revealed so many odd pieces of information. From Edward's acknowledgement of knowing me now to Carlisle's chance in demeanour after the hunting trip in Belmore. Puzzle pieces were creeping out of the woodwork, and I had a chilling feeling that the finished piece would not necessarily be a pretty picture.

"It's a fact that scares me sometimes," I whispered as I dropped my eyes to the floor.

"Why?" Just the pull of Carlisle's voice brought my eyes back to his own. The amber hues focus solely on my hazel blend.

"Sometimes I feel like I'm heading towards the end."

"We are all moving towards an end, Sarelle. Some people's journeys are just shorter than others. Life is never truly indefinite."

"Yes but I am starting to believe, from what I have learnt and experienced, that my end is closer than I first thought."

"Do you fear it?" His head cocked to the side as he spun me slowly.

"Not really. Surely death will just be another adventure, one with more peace and stability than this life of constant shifting."

"If you don't fear death, then I think you have gained the true meaning of bravery. Not many can say they are truly courageous if they can still be weakened by the fear of dying."

To think myself courageous and brave gave me a new outlook on the decisions I had yet to make. If I could conquer the fear of death then my misgivings surrounding love and its inevitable heartbreak should be mere whispers of worry. I was strong, but was I strong enough to love again when I knew it was doomed to end?

The music ended and Carlisle held my hands in his. I felt the comforting cold seep through my skin.

"Until next time, Sarelle. Whenever that may be." He grinned and I couldn't resist. I slid my hands from his and wrapped my arms around his neck in a grateful hug. He had taught me so much and guided me in this life, sometimes without even being present. And now, amongst a sea of strangers, he had found me and eased my worries again without evening knowing the depth his words reached.

"Thank you, Carlisle. For everything," I whispered and heard a soft chuckle tickle my ears.

"You're welcome, my child. Now go enjoy your night, I believe there is already an admirer waiting for your company." He released me and looked behind me; I turned at his silent command. My eyes settled on a debonair man dressed in a slick black tuxedo with a white crisp shirt. His face held a plain matt black eye mask but the simplicity of the outfit made the effect of it intense and dramatic. He was a vision.

I glanced back for Carlisle but he was already gone, melted into the crowd although I would never understand how such beauty could be hidden so easily.

The masked stranger stepped towards me, his green eyes shining as they fixed with mine. The instant I saw him I knew, and the second his lips formed a shy smile I fell. Into the rabbit hole, down into a world where everything was what it wasn't for a night. A world where I had never been hurt, never experienced heartbreak, and a world where I could love Edward without complications. Just for a night.

"Hi," I stuttered, stunned for a second. His eyes flickered with confusion but it didn't last long. Instead he extended his hand to me which I accepted without another word.

The silence between us was electrifying and it only increased with the intensity that he stared at me. His emerald eyes raked my body before burning into my own. It left me breathless and exhilarated, almost numb to the fact that we were twirling through the crowd.

His hands on my body felt the epitome of right, and my hand in his shook my bones with the ferocity of the comfort I felt. This was heaven, this was true freedom, but this was a Cinderella dream.

I knew at midnight, when the ball ended, I would have to drop my gaze from his and I would have to walk out of the room without his arm to hold. This meeting was built to end but its temporality was what made it all the more beautiful, like the stunning magnificence of the Moonflower which blooms just before sunset for a few short hours before it dies. It is the shortness of its brilliance that makes it all the more wonderful.

We stayed in each other's arms until the clock chimed for the witching hour and the time came for me to remove the glass slippers, return the carriage to a pumpkin, and lose my beautiful dress in favour of ordinary blandness. In my case my mask was to act as the slippers and my dress was to be swapped for my everyday attire.

I accepted Edward kiss upon my hand with a courteous air. I didn't dare show the blushing girl beneath my surface. Instead I turned away and briskly swept through the exiting guests. I could almost feel his eyes on me as I rushed through the crowd, dashing towards my waiting carriage before the spell ended and left me broken in front of him.

My heart was pounding as I swung open the carriage door and hurried to settle myself on the raspberry coloured velvet seat.

"To the Winchester Hotel, please." I gasped, breathless from my urgency.

I removed the mask from my face with shaking hands as I waited for the driver to start our journey back to the Winchester.

It was just as the carriage started its journey that I saw Edward standing amongst the leaving crowd, watching as if his eyes only saw me. As if the crowds in between us had just disappeared, melted away. He slowly reached up to pull the mask away from his face. He was revealing his identity with confidence. Telling me who he was unlike me who had ran with fear of identification. Fear of revealing who I was, what I wanted, what I felt.

I gazed into his eyes for a moment before my head cast down in shame. He had known all along just as I had, but the difference was that he wanted to know me without the mask. He wanted more than one night of fantasy. If only he knew that fantasy was the only world where I could give anymore than a pleasant smile. Fantasy was the only place where our feelings could mean anything. It was just a shame that Dreamworld wasn't a destination a simple carriage ride could take you to.

That night, I removed my layers, my disguise. The makeup, the hair pins, the shoes and the dress. I found that as I removed each piece I gained my armour. I switched my light-hearted, carefree demeanour for the mask I had worn these past few weeks. I switched my beautiful masquerade for the everyday hardened exterior I had worn since arriving. It wasn't pretty, theatrical, or ornate. It was just the face of sixteen year old girl. It didn't show any of the trials and tribulations, or anything of my true self. But it was the safest mask to show, and I wore it diligently.

It was with the mask set in place that I received my breakfast, like most mornings, in my room. It was brought up by the porter on a silver tray, presented just a beautifully as always. Orange juice, toast, butter, and strawberry jam – my simple meal of choice. Simple was always best. The white china crockery was decorated with stained blue flowers around the tops, it was a small point to the quiet luxury the hotel offered.

The only new addition to my breakfast was the single pink orchid that sat alongside my butter knife, a white ribbon attaching a note to its stem.

I picked the flower up with a stunned touch, twirling the stem in my fingertips before taking a sniff of its delicate floral bouquet. The petals were stained with a soft pink which deepened with colour as it reached the centre of the flower. It was beautiful, elegant, simplistic, but completely unexpected. No one knew I was staying here apart from the staff. Of course it wouldn't be hard to find out where I stayed as long as you knew my name. It was well known in the local society that I was a patron at the hotel. After all, that was how I had been invited to the ball. But still I was intrigued as to who had gone to the trouble of locating me and sending such a pretty gift. Carlisle? Mr Winfred-Jones? One of my other dance partners of the evening?...Edward?

I opened the attached note eagerly, hoping for a name. Instead I was greeted by a simple small passage:

_This bud of love,  
by summer's ripening breath,  
May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet._

I knew the words well, they were from the play of Romeo and Juliet but they offered no clue as to the identity of the sender.

I felt my mask crack a little as the giddy girl within burst to the surface, smiling deliriously at the flower. My first flower, my first secret admirer, could there be more cause for an adolescent girl to smile so brightly?

As I gazed upon the flowers blossoming petals once again, I thought that yes there may have been things which had more reason to invoke a smile but none could do it so simply as a flower.

**A/N: Exciting ideas all running round my head. ****Keep voting on the poll, it's really good to get an idea of where you want this story to go.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**x**


	39. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Ok I'm going to keep this short, no grand return or extensive stories. I travelled, it was awesome, now I'm back. That's pretty short, right?**

**Anyway here's the next piece of this story...yes yet another piece, I know it's starting to get rather on the long side. So...hope you like it and are willing to keep reading this story - no matter how long it becomes.**

**You might be happy to know I have the end few chapters are written out, so unless something drastic happens I know where this story is going to end up.**

**On with the show...**

Spits and starts, dribs and drabs, seconds racing through treacle. That was how the time passed. Each day awoke with such energy and yet its velocity was lost as the minutes ticked by. By the time evening came the day seemed tired and weary, as if its lack of adventure had left it disappointed. I couldn't agree. My time was peaceful, not restless, and steadfast instead of mundane. I was locked in a comfortable cycle of seemingly dreary days and yet I felt nothing but the calm I had felt in Belmore. That is before love took its toll and turned my world upside down and right side up.

After the Halloween ball I found myself seeking a social calendar like those around me. Gone was the girl who scowled and hid, preferring solitude to company. I had left her behind the very day I encountered Edward in the music store. I would be ignorant to say I was back to my Belmore demeanour because I still wore a solid skin on my exterior, toughened to help me survive. However I now wore it as a suit of armour, preparing me to be valiant rather than a shield for me to hide behind.

Through my social exploits I had found an attachment to a girl by the name of Isabel Rockefeller-Lincoln. A long name for a long family history. A history splattered with the luxury of old money.

"Mr Winfred-Jones is staring at you again." Isabel giggled beside me, her tight bob bouncing around her jaw line.

I turned to follow her gaze and settled with boredom upon the arrogant stance of the man who had pestered me ever since the Halloween ball. It had been three long weeks of extravagant red rose bouquets and overly confident assumptions. I had lost count of the number of times I had refused his invitations, whether they were to theatre performances, balls, lunchbox socials, or afternoon tea. Each one I had kindly declined, and yet he still continued the chase. I was starting to wonder if my refusal was only increasing his determination.

"If he engages me in a yet another conversation about his daddy's money, or mummy's social skills, I think I might be driven to insanity." A flash of Newalk asylum exploded in my mind and I shivered at the possibility of ever ended up back in a place such as that.

"Oh you are so bad, Sarelle. I'm sure your guardian would be most pleased with a match between you and Mr Jones," Isabel said as a group of gossiping girls passed by us, including the non-to-delightful Alice Tully. The girl had taken quite a dislike for me and I was yet to understand why.

"One might think that, but I know Aslo well and he wouldn't approve."

"You're close with Mr Finn; you must be to call him by first name. It's nearly unheard of to do such a thing unless the man is your blood related father." Isabel blushed as she told me this, and I made a mental note to further adapt my social skills to this era. I had spent too much time jumping through time to remember clearly the way the social world worked here.

"Yes, well, we've known each other for a very long time, in fact, probably longer than I truly knew my parents. Anyway, dear Isabel can you please inform me of the reason why Miss Tully greets me with venomous eyes every time we meet?" I grinned as Isabel's eyes lit up. She was a reserved girl, but that didn't halt her enjoyment of gossip. She was, after all, a normal fifteen year old.

"Well, as you know she's a great talent with the piano, something her parents hope she'll pursue. However what you might not know is that because of this musical love she has taken quite the fancy for Mr Masen Junior. I'm not sure if you know of him, he doesn't socialise much without his parents present. But when he is present Miss Tully is head over heels, which is why she doesn't much care for you." Isabel dropped her gaze like that of a child making a naughty confession.

"Izzy, I'm a little lost by that explanation." She was used to my shortened name by now, another modern twist I had implicated into this era.

"Well, it was said that you danced with Mr Masen at the Halloween ball and Miss Tully's mother is on the board of the hospital charity with Mrs Fitz who owns the florist on 5th who told Mrs Tully that Mr Masen had made a rather exquisite purchase on the early morning of the day after the ball. That purchase was to be sent to the Winchester and given to the occupant of the Chesterfield suite, which in turn... was you." Isabel gasped for breath once she finished speaking and I stood frozen for a moment. I had pondered the sender of the wilting orchid ever since the morning it appeared on my breakfast tray, but now to finally know the truth...It landed heavy on my shoulders, pressing down on my heart.

"And Miss Tully believes there is something between Mr Masen and I?" I questioned as my eyes darted over Miss Tully's scowling face. Her delicate figure was too angular and boyish to have any curves created with a corset, but that was to be expected since she must have only been fourteen. So young and yet the hate in her eyes showed the strength of the love she held for Edward. Love or crush, each blurred in her mind.

"Not just Miss Tully, Sarelle. Most of this society. He's never shown interest in anyone until you, it's been quite the hot topic."

"Oh." No other words could come out.

"Is it true? Having you been courting in secret?"

"No. No we haven't. I...We were friends years back, but I'm sure that's all forgotten on his part. It's been so long I can't imagine that I have any place in his mind."

"So you're not engaged?" Shock laced Isabel's words while it raced through my body.

"Engaged? Why on earth would you think such a thing?" I held laughter in my voice at the pure ridiculousness of the question. Edward and I had shared one dance three weeks ago, and he had sent me one flower which was now all but dead in its vase. The very idea that engagement could have sprung from such an encounter was preposterous.

"The ring on your finger, you never take it off, and it is placed correctly for people to assume an engagement." I glanced down at my left hand and smiled solemnly when I looked upon the silver band on my ring finger. It surely held a strong sentiment but it wasn't an engagement. The engraving '_My Angel. Forever and Eternity' _wasn't a promise; it was just words of love. Distant and past love, but love nonetheless and therefore I couldn't bear to discard it.

"I am not engaged to Edward Masen, and I have not seen nor spoken to him since the night of the Halloween ball."

"But you want to." Isabel's voice was quiet but my ears caught it easily amongst the bustling noise of the tea room. No clink of china or bubbling laughter could hide those words from me because they rang too deep. They struck too hard. They were too true.

"Ladies, such a pleasure to see you again." He was here, the illness I couldn't shake. Mr Winfred-Jones, the one and only, the disillusioned man who thought himself superior to anyone and everyone.

I dragged my eyes up from the white table cloth and regarded him with the same courteous expression as usual. He stood tall with his chest puffed out and his black cane propped beside him. If his head was any further tilted in the air he would be completely unable to look down his nose at us, and what a shame he would think that to be.

"Mr Jones, I see you have found us yet again." Isabel chuckled beside me, hiding her laughter by dabbing the corners of her mouth.

"You are the beacon to which I always return, Miss St Clair." His hand flourished as he talked and his thin moustache wiggled as his mouth moved.

"To what do we owe the pleasure?" Isabel said, keeping her sarcasm hidden skilfully. She wasn't a perfect fit in this society, and that was why I liked her.

"I come to invite you to the ball which is to be held this night at The Royal. My family are hosting the event for the hospitals charity fund. It seems Dr Cullen has great plans for the infirmary." My attention sparked at the mention of Carlisle and Isabel seemed to sense it as her smile brightened.

"That sounds wonderful, doesn't it, Sarelle?"

"Yes, truly wonderful," I replied to her question, already racing through the outfit options in my head. Alice had left her mark on me.

"Perfect!" Mr Jones handed us the invitations, placing another wet kiss on my hand as he did so.

"I hope you'll save me a dance, Miss St Clair, I have been most anxious to acquire another since our last." I smiled weakly as he rose from kneeling in front of me.

"Of course I'll save you a dance." The words flowed from my tongue sweetly and I grinned as he turned to leave. "However you'll have to find me to claim it." I added on the end when he was out of hearing range, earning me a small giggle from Isabel.

Tonight would be interesting.

* * *

My nerves didn't exist anymore when I stepped through the doorway to the ball. I had experienced this before and I knew the gossip would just wash off me, like water off a ducks back. People could talk, and rumours could fly, but it meant nothing to me. I wasn't a true part of this place, I never would be. I was a temporary feature that would spark interest at first but would eventually fade into the background until it disappeared from sight completely.

Isabel stood at my left side dressed in her finery. A violet dress flowed from her waist and ruffled around her feet. The colour itself did well to soften her angular jaw and highlight the rich tones of coffee in her brown hair. She wasn't what the world would call a bonny girl but she was witty, considerate, and more real and lovely than any of the other brown-nosing guests that surrounded us.

Of course we were chaperoned by her parents, although they only stayed nearby while they discussed the riches of the oil industry and the money that lined their pockets.

I was sure they saw me as a small stain on their daughter's social standing but they were decent enough to keep their opinions to themselves. Either that or they were glad their daughter had gained a friend when she seemed to be a little out of place in the world of flouncy dresses and shy glances.

My meeting with Isabel happened a mere few days after the Halloween ball when I was browsing through the pretty garment collection in the boutique down the road from the hotel. It was what young girls of my age did so it seemed the best thing to do to start my blend into the society.

It took only a couple of days for us to get to know each other and become fast friends. Then again I've learnt that time isn't a gift given to all of us so it is best to live to the fullest everyday and take something you want when you first know of it. Seize the day, every day.

I stroked the light silk overskirt of my powder blue dress while Isabel's attention stayed fixed on the young man that had picked her out of the crowd to talk to. He was nearer her short height than most men but his sweet nature shone through his silvery grey eyes. I was pleased Isabel had gained his attention but I was now left in the role of third wheel, something that created an uncomfortable fluttering in my stomach.

I held my back straight and tucked a loosening tendril back into my ornate twist, just to have something to do and seem confident in my usually awkward situation. Peoples eyes had already assessed me when I arrived with Isabel and her family, mouths had already whispered as I walked past them with Isabel at my side and in deep conversation. It was almost laughable that I was still of interest to them. Then again I was supposed to be the girl with the mysterious guardian who is never present, the girl who had captured the attention of the arrogant heir and the quiet creative in equal measure. I was the hussy, the flirt, the recluse, the anomaly; all rolled into one, and tonight was a chance for them to see me in action. I wondered what definition they would finally settle on.

Isabel giggled at something her boy had said, she was fixed on his attention so I parted ways and meandered my way through the bustling ballroom.

The marble floor caused my shoes to click against it, barely audible over the swaying music that orchestrated the movements of the dancers. Smoke swirled above my head as men puffed on their cigars and circled their brandy in the hands. Women fixed me with analytic looks, watching my every move as I manoeuvred my way around their husbands all the while calculating my social worth and beauty, and whether I was a good enough match for their sons. I hadn't lived long in this society but reading and common sense had given me enough knowledge to know that true love wasn't very high on the list of priorities, especially not in high society. It was a case in which the poorer classes had a sole benefit. They could marry with their hearts rather than their heads.

As I reached the edge of the ballroom I looked back on the circulating crowd. It was a beautiful party, with important people dressed in pretty things, but I didn't get the sense of belonging to it. No matter that this was the era I was meant to live in if my life hadn't been so drastically altered, it still didn't fit quite right. Like a shoe which should be the perfect size but instead nips at the edges or squeezes your toes just a little too tight.

Perhaps I had changed too much, seen too many different things to find this world as perfect as it seemed. Or maybe I was just suffering from the same old feeling of being lost. Either way I hung back from the crowd and rested my head on the door frame, ignoring the people that passed by me from the other rooms.

It was in this state of contemplation and awkwardness that I heard the soft, soulful melody of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. It overthrew the scratching string music, dominating my mind and pulling me towards the supple sound of the piano keys.

The instrument was perfectly tuned and resonated wonderfully around the room, I could tell that much just from walking towards the music. I felt my tense body relax and a natural sway moved fluidly through my body as I walked towards the small lounge opposite the ballroom.

The music reached its crescendo as I entered the room, my hand resting on the solid wooden doorframe and running along the polished surface.

The room was filled with a small group of people, each one watching the pianist with intent relaxation and awe on their faces. Their attention was riveted, as was mine. The large grand piano was a polished black and dominated the ruby room with its grandeur. Even silent it would draw attention as it rested upon the carpeted golden floor.

I inched forward and scanned the room for a place to sit and listen without disrupting the musician, not that it would matter to much as the song was already coming a close. I slipped around the edge of the room, weaving through the few occupied seats. When my eyes finally looked back up to glace at the player and applaud his performance I felt my hands stutter to a stop and an understanding smile creep onto my face.

It was him. Of course it was. His playing had always had the ability to draw me to him, unconscious or not. I should have recognised the influx of emotions and the soul singing resonance. He played with skill - that much was obvious - but unlike others he played with heart.

Without a second thought I walked straight to the piano, touching his shoulder as I stood beside him.

His startled green eyes pierced mine, flashing with something in their depths. I watched with dismay as his body tensed and his hand reached up to run through his unruly locks. He was nervous; I made the boy nervous when I thought it was only him who held the ability to send my heart racing at a hundred beats per minute.

"That was quite the performance, Mr Masen." I grinned as I noted the blush creeping on his cheeks and a smile spreading on his lips.

"I'm glad you thought so, Miss St Clair. I didn't realise you would be in attendance tonight." He made a movement to rise from the bench, but my hand reached to keep him in place as I slid down onto the bench alongside him.

His body shuffled along a little to give space between us and the electricity that seemed to jump between us. I bit my lip to suppress the girlish giggle rising in my throat and stroked my fingers over the keys.

"I was invited by Mr Winfred-Jones, along with Miss Rockefeller-Lincoln. It's certainly a surprise to see you here. I hear you're not one for these events." Edward gave a stilted chuckle and cleared his throat, his eyes focussing on the black and white band in front of us.

"I find them a little tedious, if I'm to be honest." He gave me sheepish glance through his lashes and a smile burst onto my face without warrant or warning. He just coaxed it from me, just a single look could spark that giddy happiness and I felt no need to quell it.

"Yes but there can certainly be some pleasant surprises to be had." It was my turn to blush as I let my tongue run off with my words, my words that were far too forward for a girl in this time and place.

Edward smiled briefly before returning his gaze to the piano and tapping out a few melodious chords.

"Would you care to play, Miss?"

"A duet?"

"If you like. Would Tchaikovsky's nocturne suffice?"

"Perfect."

I started the flow of fingers across the keys and smiled as my mind turned off and the music just took over completely. When Edward joined beside me I felt the pieces all fall into place. The feeling of awkwardness from earlier in the evening dissipated and left me with something pure and delightful. That sense of belonging filled me, and I was too taken over to stop it. My armour melted away, and I felt my body move in tandem with the swell of the music. It was oh so easy to forget our partings and just remember our magical memories together. It was almost too easy to just let go of everything in between, but that's what I did. It felt the weight lift off me, leaving me light and carefree.

I could feel Edward rocking beside me as he worked his hands over the lower tones of the music, the both of us working in perfect harmony. The perfect match.

As we played out the final pieces of the melody I turned to find Edward's eyes locked on mine. They were the clearest green sparkling under the dim lighting, emeralds in that ruby room.

I didn't hear the applause that greeted our finish; I didn't even register the people it came from. I saw only him and heard only his deep breathing as it raced out his lips. Each breath drew me closer. I could feel my body leaning towards him, being pulled like a magnet to its counterpart. My finger slipped over the keys, leaping over the black and white to reach for his. Just to touch, just once. Just to feel his hand in mine one more time. It was an addicts craving and it was the strongest thing I had ever felt - that raw craving to have him close to me, to have him as mine, to love and to hold. I wanted that thrill more than anything, and I wasn't thinking of the consequences as our hands neared each other. The electricity flew, palpable in the air.

"Sarelle?" A moment killed but a single utterance.

Our eyes snapped up to the surprised faces of Mr Masen and his wife Elizabeth.

My anonymity vanished like smoke. This moment was the dawning of the days where I was no longer a mystery. My past with the Masen family came crashing to the forefront of my mind, and I wondered how it would change things. Would it be better for them to know of my existence, or worse?

Only time would tell.

**A/N: You know the drill, vote on the poll if you haven't, leave a review if you want to, and wait for the next update if you have the patience.**

**thanks for reading!**

**x**


	40. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: I'm back, but I'm going away again for a couple of weeks so there'll be no update next week...sorry. Hopefully this one will be long enough to keep you going until I get back.**

I pulled my blue coat around me a little tighter as a soft wind blew around me. The dusky light was starting to fade, and I knew I couldn't stand out on this doorstep all night. No matter how much my nerves would like me to.

"Miss, are you going to be going inside? It's just I'm needed back at the hotel!" my driver called as he stood by the roadside. He was stood huffing his breath into his hands in a hope to fight the cold.

"No you go ahead," I answered and smoothed my dove grey dress for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"I'll be fine," I murmured as I took a deep breath and reached to rap on the knocker. It hadn't changed since I last stood in front of it. The door was still large and solid, matching the safety and security the house inside always offered me. It had been nearly three years since I had stood in front of it. Unless you counted the several times I had wandered down the street when I arrived here those few darks weeks ago. Those days when I would wander through town, just a shell, wondering if that day would be the day I knocked on the Masens' door and settled back into that simple way of life I had always had with them.

Now, although I still felt nerves, I no longer felt fear of what their presence in my life could bring. I already knew of Edward...and I had already dealt with the way he was making me feel. There was nothing left to worry about. Apart from what story I was going to tell Elizabeth and Edward Senior - again.

The door opened with a short creak and my face was bathed in the warm glow of light coming from inside.

"Good evening, Miss. Mr and Mrs Masen are waiting for you in the living room, if you'd like to follow me," a woman in a white and black maid's uniform said as she greeted me with a quiet smile and respectful grey eyes.

"Thank you," I said quietly as I started to pull off my coat, revealing my newly bought dress. It was a simple empire cut, with a scooped neckline, and a flowing skirt that fell to the floor. No frills or flouncy pieces of material.

"May I take that for you?" the maid asked as she offered her hands.

"Oh yes, certainly." I bumbled as I laid the coat in her hands. My eyes were soaking up the hallway that I somehow knew so well. Perhaps it was because it resembled my first home back in England, or maybe it was because it was my first place of refuge after Carlisle's death and my second jump. Whatever it was, there was something about the house that filled me with a sense of belonging. A sense of home.

I dragged my hands along the banister on the stairway, feeling the way the polish caused my hands to slip over the wood. It had been smoothed to perfection over the many years of inhabitants running their hands over it. The whole house showed the signs of holding life inside it. It wasn't worn or dilapidated, it was just lived in.

I sighed as I rounded the corner, heading towards the sounds of chatter and clinking glasses. The maid went in ahead of me, and I could faintly make out the crunching of fabric as bodies turned.

"Your guest, Miss St Clair, is here," she said politely and I wiped my clammy palms on my dress. I felt like I was waiting to walk out on a stage and perform for a crowd of hundreds. Instead I was walking out to greet three people who had meant a lot to me for many years. Although, in a way, I was performing just as much as any actress because I couldn't tell them the god honest truth. It just wasn't possible.

"Oh! Oh bring her here." A gasp and female voice rang out. Her enthusiasm was enough to crack my nerves and create a bright smile on my face. I stepped around the corner and straight into Elizabeth's arms.

"Oh, Sarelle!" She gasped as she clung to me. "It's been so long. Oh, I was so worried," she whispered as she hugged me tight.

"I'm so sorry, Elizabeth. I wanted...I wanted to come here but I wasn't sure if..." I stuttered as I tried to hold back the tears. They shocked me because I never expected our reunion to feel like this, like returning home and to the place you fit. As her hands rubbed comforting patterns on my back I clung to her a little tighter. She felt like a mother, like my mother, and I was hit with just how much I had missed having a mother all these years.

"Come on, let's sit. We have so much to share." Elizabeth said as she smoothed my hair and dabbed the single wet streak on my cheek.

I noticed the changes on her face. Her bronze hair wasn't as lustrous as it had been the last time I saw her. Although it still held a vital shine as it was pulled back into a plaited twist. She was still as elegant as ever, even the laughter lines in the corners of her eyes added to her sophistication. Time had aged her, but it certainly hadn't pillaged her looks.

I let her go and turned to see Edward Senior on his feet, his arms open in invitation and his slate eyes crinkling as they shone.

Just as I'd hugged Elizabeth I enveloped myself in his arms and inhaled the comforting scent of smoke, leather, and something light and minty. I was taken back to being just eleven years old and the day of my birthday. It was such an odd experience to feel so aged and yet be taken right back as if those passing years never counted.

"You've grown up well, my girl." His voice was a little gruffer than before, and I could feel his wiry beard scratch against my skin. It had started to turn grey, just as his hair had around his temples.

I pulled away and smiled shyly as I replied, "thank you, Mr Masen."

He gave me a stern look, and I chuckled slightly. "I mean, thank you, Edward."

"I believe you've already met Edward, our son," Elizabeth said as she indicated the third member of our party standing a little off from us.

"Yes, of course." I dipped my head slightly in greeting to Edward as I took in his appearance. His hair had been tamed, to a degree, and his suit and shirt had been neatly ironed. His posture was rigid and his face showed no emotion as he looked on at me.

"It's a pleasure to see you again, Miss St Clair." His voice was taut, and I wondered what could have possibly happened between last night and now to cause his cool nature.

"Oh, Edward, don't be so uptight. You've known this girl for years. I'm sure we're past formalities by now." Elizabeth commented and I smiled as Edward's mouth opened and closed a few times with surprise. I was sure that he thought his actions were merely being polite.

"Sorry," I heard him murmur as his hand brushed through his hair, effectively ruining its once tamed appearance.

"So, Sarelle, how long has it been? Six, seven years?" Edward Senior asked as we each settled into the ruby sofas. It seemed they had redecorated since I was last here, although the walls were still the colour of fresh cream and the piano still sat perfectly within the bay window.

"I believe it's been, uh, eight years." I stumbled over the time since for me it had only been two or three years.

"Gosh, eight years. Yes that must be right. Edward was just nine when you last visited. Doesn't time just fly?" Elizabeth gushed as she sipped from her wine glass. I took my own from the tray the maid was offering, and took a languid sip of the sweet white wine. I hadn't really drunk alcohol before but I enjoyed the sweet, dry taste passing over my tongue.

"Eight years, that's a long time to go without a visit. Where have you been, Sarelle?" Mr Masen asked as he scratched through his beard.

"I, uh..." I started but was soon cut off by the maid.

"Excuse me, Sir, Madame, but dinner is served," The maid said as she curtsied at the doorway.

"Thank you, Molly," Mr Masen said before easing himself out his chair.

"Shall we?" He offered his arm to Elizabeth before they both left towards the dining room.

I went to stand but was halted by the sight of Edward standing in front of me, his arm offered just as his father had to his mother.

"Miss St Clair," he said with a polite nod.

"Thank you, Mr Masen," I replied, just as polite but a little bemused as to why he was suddenly so prim and proper.

"You're welcome, Miss."

I let out a secret smile at his manners, even though part of me wished he would drop the formalities and just call me Sarelle, like he used to when he was younger.

As we entered the room I noted the pleased smile Elizabeth and Mr Masen exchanged, it caused a blush to creep onto my cheeks. Could they see the feelings I kept under the surface?

I let go of Edward's arm and sank into my seat.

"I'm so glad you're here, Sarelle," Elizabeth said with delight evident in her voice.

As the first course was placed in front of me I could almost feel the energy of anticipation as it swirled in the room. The questions were far from over, that much was clear. However I was still unsure as to when said questions would creep to the surface and expect answers.

I tried to relax throughout the meal, and for a while I could just sit and enjoy the conversation and company. I could laugh, talk, share, and ponder in comfort because I knew these people. I told them as much as I could about my life from which they had been absent. Of course I spread out and altered some of the events and details, but for the most part they knew about the people I had met and known. Just as they had listened to me and absorbed my life story, I listened to theirs. I learnt about Edward Senior's success in the law world, including his hope to reduce his working hours soon and hand over to one of his partners. I smiled and laughed with Elizabeth as she told stories about the society and the various events she had hosted or helped out with. And finally I sat silent and stunned as Edward talked about the war and his wish to join when he comes of age. I could tell it was something he was passionate about, it was clear from the way he raved about the glory and responsibility of it all. However I couldn't share his excitement. I knew what war did to a man, that much I had learnt from Ashton. I couldn't bear the idea of Edward being turned into something so dark and twisted. From the look in Elizabeth's eyes she felt the same way as me. She stayed silent as her only son talked about his wishes, and the feeling of solemnity continued through to dessert. That was until her eyes sparked with a new curious light.

"Mrs Figgins said you're staying at the Winchester, with a Mr Finn but I thought you were under the care of your second cousin?" Elizabeth asked as her spoon dipped into her crème brulée. I twirled the stem of the wine glass between my thumb and forefinger to try and work out some nervous energy.

I took a glance at Edward and caught him watching me surreptitiously as his parents investigated. His eyes had met mine countless times over the course of the dinner, but the excitement of his eyes on me never ceased.

I felt another blush coat my cheeks before clearing my throat to reply.

"Yes, my cousin...Well she married a few years ago and I had the impression her husband didn't enjoy my presence in their lives, which was understandable. However I was lucky because I had made the acquaintance of a man, Mr Aslo Finn, who was of considerable wealth and kindness. He offered to become my guardian since my cousin was not able to continue the role." I finished my explanation and looked up from the ring on my finger to see if my lies had passed as possible.

Elizabeth's eyes were fixed, as mine had been, on the silver band that wrapped around my left ring finger. I noticed the intrigue in her green eyes but I didn't want to initiate anything if I could avoid it.

"So this Mr Finn, he just took you under his wing without getting anything in return?" Mr Masen asked. I took another sip of wine to still the nerves I felt under his penetrative gaze. It was no mystery as to where Edward got his intensity from.

"He asks only for my friendship and company," I said with a smile.

"But he doesn't live with you?" Elizabeth countered as I placed the wineglass on the side table.

"Uh, no. No he doesn't. He's currently away on business."

"What does he do?" This time Edward piped up and I turned to him with a soft smile. There was an edge in his voice, a jealous edge. Was I a wicked person to enjoy that edge?

"He works in the field of mental health, but he inherited a great deal of his fortune. He allows me to travel where I wish just as long as I write to him to ensure he knows my whereabouts." I reeled off the words as my fingers fiddled with the promise ring.

"He must care a great deal for you, to allow you such freedom. Was it he who gave you that ring?" Elizabeth asked and our eyes met over the top of her glass as she took a lady-like sip.

I couldn't think of what to say about the ring. I could hardly say I got it from Edward, and neither could I claim to have received from another boy because that wouldn't give off a very good impression.

"Err, yes. Mr Finn gave me the ring as a gift. He's a dear companion of mine with a special place in my heart for all he's done for me," I responded awkwardly. It felt odd to tell such a lie and when I saw Edward's stern face I wished I hadn't.

"If you'll excuse me please." He rose swiftly from his seat, creating a scraping sound as it moved harshly against the varnished, wooden floor.

"Edward, you haven't finished your dessert," Elizabeth said with a worried tone in her voice. I could see her startled green eyes passing over him with concern.

"I've had sufficient, mother," Edward growled out through gritted teeth before he all but stormed out the room. His hasty footsteps left ominous echoes in their wake.

"That boy..." his father commented before rubbing his hand across his face.

"Did I do something wrong?" I asked quietly as I rested my hands in my lap. Somehow I didn't feel like finishing my dessert anymore, nor did I like the idea of my ring being on show.

"Of course not, Sarelle. He's just at that difficult age. He takes after me on that account," Mr Masen explained as he dropped his spoon in the bowl and pulled his napkin off his lap.

As the maid came to clear away the dishes I heard the brooding tones of a piano being played in the lounge. It wasn't a piece that I recognised but the dark keys that were being hit pointed perfectly to the emotions of the player. I just couldn't understand how his feelings could switch so quickly.

I smirked a little when I remembered how I had felt the same when Edward – the vampire version – had done the same thing. It wasn't very often that he did, but the days after Carlisle returned from the hunt had featured him playing quite a few brooding pieces. I still wished I knew the reason why.

The volume of the piano increased and I could imagine the force the keys must have been pressed with to create such a sound.

Edward Senior sighed next to me and rose from his seat.

"If you will excuse me please, I had better talk to him before he breaks that piano." With that he left me and Elizabeth to sip our wine in the near silent dining room.

"May I ask you something, Sarelle?" she asked after a few quiet minutes.

I nodded with an open smile.

"How old are you?" She placed her glass on the table and glanced at me expectantly. Her question was so simple but I had to pause to get my answer right. I couldn't very well tell her that I was just sixteen, not when I had been fourteen when I last saw them.

"Twenty-two," I replied.

"And you are...close with this Mr Finn fellow."

"Yes." I frowned with confusion as to where the conversation was going. Elizabeth paused a moment and I took that time to take another sip of wine, finishing my third glass of the evening. I could feel the effects of the alcohol warming my veins and blurring the lines in my brain. It was a pleasant, freeing feeling.

I savoured the flavour of the alcohol, holding it on my tongue just a little longer than usual.

"Are you betrothed to him?" Elizabeth asked abruptly and I choked a little on the wine. I swallowed quickly before releasing a small laugh at the absurdity of Elizabeth's words.

"Are you serious?" I blurted out before I could monitor my social etiquette. Elizabeth's brow crinkled at my outburst.

"Of course," she replied as I composed myself. I smoothed my dress and tucked a loosening strand of hair back into the side plait that hung over my shoulder.

"My apologies, Elizabeth. You just caught me off guard. To answer your question, I am not betrothed to Mr Finn, or anyone for that matter. The very idea of Mr Finn and I, well it's...it's absurd." I chuckled at the end when I thought of me and Aslo ever being romantically involved. Certainly we would fit well together due to our situations. After all Aslo had lost Alice to Jasper and I had lost Edward to Bella, but circumstance wasn't enough to build a relationship on. Not a loving one at least.

Elizabeth beamed, the serious look out of her eyes, as she leant forward to touch her hand to mine. "I'll tell you what's absurd, the fact that you haven't been proposed to already, a sweet girl like you."

I just blushed and stayed quiet. What answer could I possibly give to that remark? I certainly didn't feel like I could agree with her. I didn't think of myself as sweet, not in the slightest. Unless I considered my blood, I had been told by several vampires that it smelt sweet - sweet and floral, like honeysuckle and jasmine on a late summer's eve. But if I thought of just myself, my personality and my history, well, I could see nothing sweet, not in the slightest.

Slowly the night drew to a close. We passed a few hours just relaxing in the lounge while Edward Senior played us a few melodies on the piano. Eventually he relinquished the instrument to Edward who had otherwise been quite quiet in the corner of the room. I couldn't comprehend why he had turned so sullen so quickly. Was it just teenage hormones? Or was it deeper than that? I cringed when I thought that maybe he didn't approve of his parents entertaining me in their home. Was it possible that he found my situation and embarrassment to his family? Or maybe he was resentful of the fact that I had vanished from their lives for eight years.

I didn't know, but whatever it was it didn't seem to bother Elizabeth and Edward Senior. They were all smiles right the way through the evening. Not once did their friendliness faltered, in fact it was still present when it was time to say our goodbyes.

"I've had a wonderful evening, but it's getting awfully late, and I don't want to miss the chance to call down a driver." I got up from the sofa as I talked and my hosts' followed suit.

"Don't be silly, Sarelle, there's no need to catch a driver. The Winchester is only a short walk away from here and I'm sure Edward will be more than happy to walk you home," Elizabeth suggested as she turned to her son. He didn't seem overly impressed with the idea, more nervous really which I found endearing.

"Of course, mother," Edward replied as he left to retrieve my coat.

"It's been a pleasure having your company tonight, Sarelle," Mr Masen said as we left the lounge and headed towards the front door.

"Believe me, the pleasure has been all mine. I've missed you all so much over the years." We exchanged smiles and hugs before Edward helped me into my coat and opened the front door.

"Come back soon, Sarelle!" Elizabeth called from the doorway as Edward and I stepped out into the dark winter night, and in turn stepped into a silence.

Our footsteps fell into an even pattern almost immediately, hitting the ground in perfect unison and causing soft echoes through the quiet streets. There were odd carriages and cars passing us by but no one walked through the lamp lit streets. It was just us, just our shadows passing through the golden pools of light, just our breathing battling against the city sounds.

It was almost peaceful, the silence, except for the awkwardness rolling off Edward in waves.

"The meal tonight was wonderful, you're cook is superb," I said into the quiet in the hope to break whatever spell had been cast over us.

"Yes, she's very accomplished," Edward replied, his voice just as stark from emotion as his face.

"Certainly...it was a lovely evening," I murmured into the night air as we turned towards the hotel.

"Why wasn't Mr Finn in attendance? I thought as your companion he would accompany you." There was the same jealous edge in Edward's voice and I had to hide my smirk when he ground out the word 'companion.'

"Mr Finn is a dear _friend _but he is not permitted to accompany me to every social gathering. It's not like I'm engaged to him." I scoffed and Edward's mouth dropped open for a moment.

"You're not?...He isn't?...But the ring," Edward stuttered as we approached the hotel entrance.

I giggled at his wide eyed expression.

"Don't be silly, Mr Masen. The ring is just a gift, nothing more." I playfully pushed his chest as he cleared his expression into a sheepish smile.

"I apologise. I just assumed..."

"You're so silly, Edward." I chuckled as I leant forward to straighten his skewed tie. The fact I had called him Edward instead of Mr Masen barely registered in my mind, it just fell off my tongue like it was the most natural thing in the world. "I am not in love with Aslo Finn. I never have been, and never will. I mean, how could I be when..." I bit my tongue. I had taken it a step too far. I glanced up at Edward, my hands still placed softly on his tie.

His breath hitched and our eyes met. The green seemed to almost darken as I gazed into them. I felt my lips part as I looked up at him. He was so close. I could feel his warm breath fanning across my face as it blew out in short, shallow breaths.

I pulled in a shaky breath and lurched away, breaking the spell that was slowly pulling me under and towards him.

"Goodnight, Mr Masen. Thank you for accompanying me home." I rushed through my words and gave him a short wave. I hastily entered the hotel without looking back. My heart was racing as I made my way up to my room. And it was only once I had shut the door behind me that I finally gasped for breath.

As I flopped onto my bed, and felt the covers hug my exhilarated body, I thought of one thing and one thing only... _Edward will be the death of me._

**A/N: T****hanks for reading!**

**x**


	41. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: I'm back...again. But I swear I'm back for good now. No more sun, sea, and sand for me - strictly England with all it's wonderful wet days from now on. I'm going to be closing the poll soon so if you haven't put your vote in do it once you're done reading. **

**OK, let's go.**

The sky was a wonderful ochre hue, bathing the rooftops of Chicago to make them look like they were tiled with gold. It was magnificent to look upon, but I knew my wonder and easy heart couldn't overcome mystification that was thick on my mind, no matter how beautiful the vista was before me. I studied the patterns in the clouds and the fading washes of pink and gold, as if the sky might give me an answer. Perhaps it would be written by the wisps of mist, or carved out of the heavy clouds by the dying sunlight. I had never thought when I woke up this morning that I could feel like this by the end of the day. Or that I could have my mind in such a state of disorder. But, then again, my life has always been full of surprises...

_The morning of November 8th:_

I awoke to the sound of bustling streets outside my window. I had slept later than usual and it seemed society had already risen to greet the day.

As always I didn't dally in bed, instead padding across the wooden floor, heading towards the bathroom. My mind was still filled with the events of last night. The conversation and warmth with the Masens, and the heat and anticipation I experienced during my brief moment with Edward. I was toeing a fine line between respectable and scandalous but I didn't much care. I may not have been sure about what my intentions were with Edward, but I did know that I enjoyed his company. I knew there was the ever-present question of whether I enjoyed his company for who he was, or whether my heart fluttered because of who he was to _become_. Did my breathing hitch because of the man close to me, or just because I had already fallen madly in love with his immortal counterpart?

I didn't know. I didn't even know how to find an answer; it was all too convoluted for my mind to decide.

I took a soothing breath before splashing my face with cool water from the basin. The rogue droplets splattered on my unconventional pyjamas of choice – an old band t shirt from Florida, and a pair of cut of plaid bottoms from Renée. I was a living juxtaposition to this place - the era I was once supposed to live through and fit into. But now, my private clothes were too freeform to coincide with the structure of this life, and my personal style was just a little off the mark. Perhaps that was why I didn't feel the urgency to be conventional and follow the rules. Maybe that was why I didn't fill out my dance card at the balls, or pass calling cards as personal greetings. I had experienced a future that was full of freedom and in away it had spoiled me. I found the little rituals like chaperoned visits and lunch box socials to be too constricting and oppressive. How could such an environment ever be conducive to true carefree fun?

I blew a piece of hair from my face and dropped my thoughts. It was too early in the day for such ramblings.

I continued to dress myself, leaving my hair free to fall where it liked along my back. My dress of choice was the deep plum one I had bought on the same day I met Edward in the park. I liked the rich tones of the fabric, although the combination of it with my navy Belmore coat was probably not the height of fashion.

Once I had eaten I took my time to leave, I even took the time to check my bill for the room. I knew I had a limited supply of money, and if things got too tight I would no doubt have to move on. As the bill stood I was just below budget, but I gave myself two months before I would be in dire straits.

My shoes tapped against the wooden floor as I headed for the door, but the steady rhythm was merged with a different harmony – a pair of soft leather shoes formed a racing bass behind me.

I turned slightly to see the owner and felt a shocked expression freeze my features.

"Edward?" I gasped before righting myself and clearing my throat.

"Mr Masen, what brings you here?" I asked politely as Edward stopped before me, a hat in one gloved hand while a newspaper was grasped in the other.

"I was hoping you might join me for tea at The Waverly." He glanced up at me with a shy smile, his long fingers toying with the edge of his hat.

"Tea. At The Waverly," I murmured as the foreign concept registered in my mind. I had never attended high tea, although that wasn't what my mind had to think over. It was more that I couldn't understand Edward's intentions. Was this a friendly invitation, a step towards courtship?

"Miss St Clair?" Edward's bright eyes caught my own with an uncertain, amused gaze, and I snapped out of my reverie.

"Tea at The Waverly sounds splendid. Am I dressed OK?" I asked with my modern twist.

"You look...You look lovely, Miss St Clair," Edward said warmly and we started on our way. I had at first expected him to offer his arm as he had last night, but I presumed daylight hours offered a different set of social rules. More rules, more rituals, it seemed like a social straight jacket.

Our feet moved in unison as we passed through the streets, and a few times, when I glanced at Edward, I noticed a small smile curving the edge of his lips. It wasn't a blithe gesture, but there was something almost smug or victorious about it. Either way I felt a smile of my own immerge to match.

"So how do you find Chicago? From what I recall you have travelled a great deal across the Americas," Edward asked as we walked.

"Yes, you could say my travels have seemed like mere jumps from place to place." I chuckled before I continued. "I spent some time in the south: DeSoto, San Antonio then my cousin took us to Tennessee where she met her husband and I met Mr Finn. From there I've lived in a smattering of places. Florida, Belmore, Biloxi. They were all so different, and so full of new experiences."

"I couldn't imagine being uprooted so often." I wasn't looking at him when he spoke but I picked up on the concerned undercurrent.

"It's not easy, but friends have made the experience more pleasurable."

"And what of Chicago? Do you plan to stay long?"

"I really cannot say, but there is certainly something about Chicago that's close to my heart." His response to my answer was that a big grin that spread across his face. He placed the newspaper under his arm as if looking for an action to compose himself.

"Are you still composing?" I asked off the top of my head.

"To an extent. There's something that's captured my mind but I'm struggling to put it to paper. It is as if it keeps slipping from my grasp."

"Yes I can imagine how frustrating that must be, to have something within reach but unable to hold it." I knew that feeling all too well.

We entered the tea rooms and I was met with the tangy fresh scent of lemon tea mixed with the homely fragrance of freshly baked scones. The room was filled with the tinkling sound of china and the hushed conversations of the other customers. Couples sat opposite in deep conversation while the married women sat in clusters, observing and passing comment.

I followed Edward to a table in the far corner, slightly hidden from the prying eyes but not so obstructed that gossip could ignite.

Ever the gentleman he pulled my chair out for me before tucking it in once I was seated. I watched as he hung his hat on the bronze stand nearby, before joining me at the little round, wooden table. A small, pink carnation sat between us in a porcelain white vase, along with the silver sugar pot and accompanying spoons. It was all so delicate, but I presumed the arrangement matched the clientele. All the couples that sat amongst the tables and chairs appeared to be so fragile and tender. Girls blushed and smiled under their lashes while men glanced with bashful smiles and spoke with unsure tones. They weren't seasoned couples or lovers bound by engagement. This was a place for getting to know one another not deep confessions or declarations of love.

I relaxed at this realisation. I liked Edward - that much I was certain - but I didn't know if I was quite sure of my true feelings. Or if I was really ready to leave my heart open again.

At least this could be the opportunity to test the waters.

Edward signalled the server over and with them they brought the dainty tea set with matching cups and saucers.

"May I?" Edward asked as he held the tea pot in his hand. I nodded and watched as the amber liquid filled my cup before then filling his own. The mild oriental fragrance drifted from the cup and I sighed as the subtle trace of the lemon touched my tongue.

"Would you care for sugar?" I asked after adding a spoonful to my own.

"Yes, thank you." Edward said as he reached for the pot only for us to both fumble and laugh along with the awkward feeling surrounding the incident. I placed the pot solidly on the table allowing Edward to help himself.

"You are to stay at the Winchester for the duration of your visit, yes?" he asked as he stirred the tea with languid rotations.

"For the meantime, I hope. It's become quite homely. I've managed to bring some things with me. Little pieces of my past. At least it's less impersonal than when I first arrived and it gives me some place to be alone." This earned me a smile and a look that seemed almost intimate because it gave the feeling of sharing a secret. As if just the two of you knew and shared such a thing

"I'm sure solitude is often thought of as tranquil, though I've never heard it searched for before. Do you really like to be alone?"

"As long as my friends keep me from being lonely." I replied before taking a sip. There was a pause so I glanced at the newspaper sitting precariously on the edge of the table, the bloody headline splashed across the front page – die for the glory, save your country. The Great World War. There was no glory or saviour found in war although I couldn't claim to know the full rights and wrongs of it.

"I've never heard of a war being deemed 'great' before." I murmured as I looked solemnly at the headline over my tea cup.

"The cause is great, and the feeling of duty...Well I imagine that would be a most encompassing feeling." Edward commented as our eyes both rested on the paper. It was interesting how we were both looking at exactly the same thing and yet our view points on it were so very different.

"Do you wish to fight?" I asked, trying to clear my mind of the image of Edward bloodied and nameless on the muddy cold ground. The thought was chilling, to have such intelligence, kindness, and hope snuffed out and left to rot.

"I plan to sign up on the day of my 18th. Mother of course resents the idea, but she wouldn't understand."

"What wouldn't she understand?"

"It's just that Father is a respected lawyer, and my mother holds a reputable footing in this society, but me...I don't know. I just feel...inconsequential, faceless, invisible." Edward's head dropped, and his eyes stayed trained on the swirling liquid in his cup. He looked so hopeless and lost. It hurt to think he truly thought himself without a place or point in this world. The boy who could create such emotion by the flow of his fingers across a piano, or could look you in the eyes and make it seem like he knew you completely. As if he could read you every dream, thought, and desire through your irises. He could never be inconsequential, but perhaps that was my heart speaking from past memories.

"I see you," I whispered while my finger lightly traced the curve of the tea cup's handle. I took a moment to look up and met Edward's eyes as they searched mine. It was _that_ feeling again, like I was laid bare in front of him and he could see every cut and scar. Every bruise and scrape. Every mark that life had left on me including the ghosts of the emotions that still haunted my mind.

His head tilted ever so slightly. I took my chance to break my gaze, smoothing my skirt like I was wiping away the heaviness of the past moment.

I looked back up with a questioning smile and said, "Have you ever thought of creating a career from your music?"

"Not exactly, I only play publicly on odd occasions, when I'm asked."

"But you care for such things?"

"Immensely. When the opera and concerto come I never miss a performance. I try to keep up, so to speak. Yourself?"

"I used to care immensely too. My life was full of such things when I was younger or at least my parents would grant me small snippets. As I've travelled I've come to embrace it further.

But now, it's such a shame but the social hierarchy seems to have overtaken the joy of such events. Or maybe I'm just not making enough of an effort to try and be like everybody else."

"You'll never be like everybody else."

"Don't say that to me, please. I can't remain a social oddity forever." I teased to try and waft away the serious tone of Edward's voice.

"Why ever not?" he replied with bright laughing eyes.

"At some point I'd like to find somewhere I fit. Somewhere to belong."

"I think Chicago fits you perfectly."

"Perhaps, maybe with a few alterations it could be just right... By the way I never thank you for the orchid."

"Oh that. Please don't, it was nothing really. I just...Well I don't know what I was hoping, or thinking. It was rather presumptuous of me." Edward stumbled over his words as he rushed to make amends that never needed to be made. I felt a smile creep onto my face and broaden with every pass his hand made through his hair.

"You never even told me where you were staying, and...I'm so terribly sorry if it was inappropriate. But I just..." He continued until my giggle and hand lightly touching his brought him to a stop. He looked at me with wide bashful eyes that showed just how inexperienced he was, no matter that he had seemed rather calm and collected so far.

"It was beautiful and very kind of you," I said, my smile brightening as Edward's face broke out into a blinding crooked smile.

"You know when you little you said if I'd marry you, you'd shower me with flowers and gifts. It was very sweet but isn't it funny the things children say?" I chuckled lightly at the memory but found Edward's smile faltered.

"I forget sometimes that you've known me for so long. Like brother and sister. It makes this seem...I don't know. Perhaps my mind is misplaced. Please excuse my words, Miss St Clair, but I think I've let my heart run away with my sense of reason."

"I don't think I understand, Edward. Is it something I've said?"

"The fault isn't yours, Miss. Purely my own. Do you ever find your imagination carrying you off to places where you have no reasonable right to be?"

I merely smiled a soft knowingly smile, because I knew all too well the feeling. The one which lingers when you wake up from the most real, most wonderful dream only to find it is merely that – a dream. You couldn't fly over oceans or soar through mountains. You had never walked through the clouds and felt their feathery texture against your soles. The thing you want most, and treasure above all else, is not really clutched in your arms; all there is amongst your grasp is a pillow.

It's that feeling or brief disappointment that clouds your mind because you miss that dream world. And the reality of the life you lead, the actuality of it all doesn't quite measure up. Everyone suffers that disappointment at some point in their life, probably several times. But there will be an unfortunate few that suffer it without ever being asleep in the first place. Because it's that moment when the feeling's the same but you're not physically waking up from the dream and opening your eyes. It's all metaphorical. You could be sitting, as we were now, thinking and imagining, dreaming and fantasising, of the possibilities but then something could happen or be said and those fanciful thoughts just shatter. You wake up and realise what you thought was so real and certain never was. It was just a hope conjured up in your mind.

I had suffered that feeling on the day I attended Edward Cullen's wedding to Isabella Swan and the disappointment still lingered in every beat of my heart, every footfall, and every breath. I would have to live with it. And I found recently that I was telling myself again and again that I must always remember the saying: I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed.

It seemed my body worked on autopilot as Edward and I rose from our seats, leaving in our usual fashion of unity. Our feet were in time, and I felt like our minds were running along the same track of thought. Neither of us spoke as we meandered through the streets but we weren't two separate people anymore. We had shared ourselves with each other today, some light notions and some which were words that held more weight than a 'getting-to-know-each-other' conversation should hold.

As we walked I felt our hands brush ever so slightly against each other, sending nerves racing up my arm and settling at my heart. It fluttered and thrummed, like a hummingbird trapped in a cage. And how apt that thought was. My heart trapped within an impenetrable cage, unable to fly as it like because I was still so unsure.

I sighed and linked my hands in front of me to stop the contact. It was just too confusing. I was caught up in a web of emotions and I knew it wasn't fair to pull anyone else into it before I was certain no harm could be done.

We stopped once again outside the hotel doors and I stood with my hand resting on the brass handle, a stalling movement that just occurred without me knowing why I had done it. Surely the further away I was the sooner I could settle my mind and think properly. Yet, I stood there, not quite willingly to end the meeting that had been so enjoyable and enlightening and yet so baffling in equal measure.

"Thank you so much for the tea, Edward. I had a wonderful time." I hadn't realised, but I had completely dropped all sense of propriety this afternoon since I had called him Edward without a second thought.

"It was my pleasure to escort you, Ma'am," Edward replied stiltedly. Surprisingly the word 'ma'am' cut more than I ever thought it could. It sounded so old, as if he were talking to an aunt or one of the married women on the charity committee.

"Well, goodbye, Edward." I hoped the bemusement didn't show too much in my voice.

As I turned to leave I was stopped by him calling me back once again.

"My memory almost failed me. I have tickets for the opera Carmen. I..." He cleared his throat. "I mean, my parents and I were hoping you would join us." I turned to him questioningly, pausing for him to continue.

"It's to open on the 12th November. I believe my mother thought you could spend the day with her before attending the opera in the evening."

"Until the 12th then," I said with a smile before I left through the door. I had a few days to churn over the enigma that was Edward Masen Junior.

**A/N: T****hanks for reading!**

**x**


	42. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Poll's closing on friday, so I guess that's like five days away. I wasn't going to post this up so soon but parts of it have been written for a while now so I figured 'why not?'**

**Inspiration...Hearing Damage by Thom Yorke, I'm Not Calling You A Liar by Florence and the Machine. Because they're both awesome songs**

**There's a major clue in here as to where this story is heading to. And this chapter will start the turning point of the story... kind of. Let's face it, my mind runs away with me, my fingers type, and somehow this story gets longer and longer.**

**Hope you enjoy it, if not then no biggie I've got plenty of future updates to try and win you back.**

**x**

The opera was just the start, and I often wondered over the weeks that passed if I should have behaved differently. If maybe I had said something different, been more reserved, or made a definite decision as to how I felt about Edward, would it have turned out differently? Did I want it to turn out differently? I wasn't entirely sure.

Since that night I had spent nearly every day with the Masens, with Edward.

I spent days shopping and talking with Elizabeth and Isabel before retiring for dinner at their home. I indulged in endless conversations with both Edward Senior and Junior about the politics and ways of the world. I buried myself in their family until I found my hotel room to become quite foreign and cold to return to.

I had learnt about them than I had ever imagined, so much so that it was as if our few weeks had been years of close friendship. I had talked with Elizabeth about her hopes and fears for Edward. Her worry that he'll march off on his 18th birthday, to fight a war that has already killed so many, and he may never return. She confided in me the dreams she has for him. A reputable lawyer with his father, or a great pianist who plays for hundreds.

And all the while things between me and Edward changed. Each day brought a new facet to our relationship, or a new twist to how I saw him and his intentions. We were closer than we had ever been but it was always balanced so finely on the border of friendship and something more. I found myself contemplating more and more which side was best to remain in. It seemed Edward had the same thoughts. At times, when we would walk through the park, all together, he made it so we walked alone – his parents in front – and he would ask so many questions. Questions that seemed like he was trying to seep inside and know every part of me. While other times he would walk up front with either is mother or father. It was like he battled with himself just as much as I did. I just wasn't sure which moments were the reflections of his true emotions, or if he didn't even understand what his true emotions were. That was in the beginning, because slowly – ever so slowly – the tides started to change and I found myself accompanied by Edward on more occasions than not. We walked through the town laughing and talking like we hadn't spoken in months. We took carriage rides with warm brandy and blankets to snuggle under as we enjoyed the silence of the winter's night. Then there were the balls, the operas, the concerts each I attended on his arm and wearing a dress I knew he liked. I didn't know why I found myself dressing to please him, but it evolved naturally as all our other quirks had. Like the way Edward always greeted me at the hotel reception with a pink orchid, or how he always shuffled up on the piano bench so I could sit beside him. We had fallen so easily into this could-be relationship and yet neither of us had uttered a word about courtship.

Although all these thoughts and feelings lay heavy and thick I didn't let them interrupt the excitement that came with Christmas. My first proper Christmas since I jumped all those years ago, and it was splendid.

In the weeks leading up to it Elizabeth and I titivated and planned, taking moments to wrap the presents we'd bought without the prying eyes of the men. And the closer the day came the more jovial the atmosphere seemed to be. By the time the first snow fell, the Christmas decorations were lacing the lamp posts and the ice rink was marked with the hundreds of imprints made by the skates. It had been nothing short of magical when Edward had taken me there on Christmas Eve. The way the ice glistened under the dark sky, and the brisk breeze nipped at our noses making our cheeks rosy and our skin icy cold. As I skated with wobbling feet it was easy to imagine that the man holding my hand was not a man at all, but a vampire with cold skin and a steady grasp. As Edward had led me around the rink, holding my body firm to stop me from falling, I closed my eyes for a second and imagined. Just for a moment, I let myself believe that the cold breeze on my face was my vampire's sweet breath fanning my face, and the cold snowflakes touching my cheeks were his gentle fingertips brushing my skin. The difference was when I opened my eyes there wasn't the same disappointment as before because I didn't open my eyes and see nothing there. I opened them a looked straight at Edward, his human self, standing before me with the same crooked smile on his face and his hands reaching towards me. That sight stopped the empty ache from coming, so no matter that I didn't understand how I felt towards the human man, I wasn't going complain.

As Christmas passed so did New Years and I attended church just as the Masens did. I was after all an appendage of sorts to their family. Not quite a part of it but present enough to be treated differently to other friends. It was during the holiday season that I found myself walking through the Masen's house and catching piano segments that sounded so familiar.

Elizabeth had noticed the same thing, but rather than recognising the notes that were being played, she enthused about the fact Edward was composing again. Or he was at least inspired enough to place his fingers to the keys and let them wander as they pleased.

It was the same familiar melody that Edward was playing now as I sat writing in my new diary. The Masens had bought it for me at Christmas and I had started it just a month ago, News Years Day. It, along with my photo album, was filling up quickly with my musings and past events.

I had made the effort to take as many photos as possible during my time with the Masen's because I knew, if I ever saw Edward Cullen again, that he would want the mementos.

I smiled as Edward sighed in frustration again. He had done it a lot over the past hour as he sat poised at his piano, reciting segments he had written down and altering them if they weren't up to par.

He played another, longer part of the melody and for the first time I heard something that had previously been embedded on my mind.

Serenata Dell'Angelo. It wasn't finished, or as complex as my vampire had played it, but it was there - hidden in his fingertips, locked in the potential of the keys.

I snapped my diary shut and rose quickly from the sofa I had been sitting on. Hearing my serenade played again, right in front of me, struck a chord. Perhaps it was just that it was unexpected, or the fact that I hadn't heard it played live to me in so long. But either way I felt...odd. Not quite on the verge of tears, but neither was I jumping for joy. I was shaken, that was the only way I could describe it. My chest felt tight but my limbs felt strung up with nerves and excitement.

It was in this state that I leaned against the wall in the hallway, my diary clutched to my chest, and the soft voices of Elizabeth and Edward senior reaching my ears from the library.

"He's been playing that tune for an hour now," Elizabeth murmured, and against my morals I leaned a little closer to the door. I could see a slit of the room they sat in but not the people themselves.

"Something's caught his mind, but I'll be damned if I know what it is." Edward Senior's gruff voice grumbled over the sound of the crackling fire.

There was a rustle as a newspaper page was turn, and a clink as a glass was placed on a wooden surface.

"Sarelle and he seem to have become rather close," Elizabeth mused.

"They were close as children, Beth, ever since he met her he's been smitten. It doesn't mean anything will come of it. After all she's five years older than him, just a teenage infatuation on his part, I think."

"Do you think maybe she...?"

"Who knows, the girl's an enigma. Did you see her face at Christmas? It was as if she'd never had one before." Edward chuckled and it was as warm as the fire that heated the room. I heard another rustle along with the movement of fabric.

"I can't imagine the life she's had, being tossed about from one place to another. Do you ever wish, Edward...? "Elizabeth asked from further away in the room. I could see a slither of her figure through the slit in the door as she stood beside the fireplace.

"What, Darling?"

"Do you ever wish we'd kept her instead of sending her to the orphanage?" I watched as Elizabeth looked toward where I assumed her husband sat. Her eyes seemed so sad and uncertain that it made my heart clench. I had no regrets about the day they let me go to the orphanage. It was what needed to be done, even if they didn't realise that.

Edward senior's heavy footfalls sounded across the room and I watched as he stood in front of his wife, taking her hand in his.

"We did the right thing, my love. She's a strong girl and she's turned out just fine. More than fine in fact." He touched her chin to get her eyes to look at him and I saw a brief smile flit on her face.

"I know. I guess I just quite liked the idea of having a daughter." she answered before looking towards the flames. Her face lit with flicking light and shadow, the soft glow turning back the years on her aged face. Then a mischievous smile curled up her lips, forming a crooked smile like that of her son's. "But maybe I'll have her as a daughter in law instead," she countered, a cheeky glint in her eye.

Her husband chuckled as he brushed the hair back from her face, and held it gently in his palms.

"Now don't go getting ideas in your head, Beth, love," he said before placing a kiss on her forehead and leaving to sit back down to his paper.

"I'm just saying, Edward, I think there may be more there than is shown on the surface," Elizabeth said as she returned to her previous place. There was the faint sound of a sip and a soft chuckle coming from Edward Senior. It was such a sweet moment. For them. For me it had been something quite different. My nerves were already shaken but then to have the realisation placed upon me that Edward seemed to have feelings for me...I felt like I was in a whirlpool. Part of me was happy and singing with pleasure but then there was the part that was still so mystified by everything.

My breathing sped up as I thought about how much it had hurt to lose Edward Cullen, how long it had taken me to rebuild myself. Then I thought about how I would ever discard Edward Masen just because I was too scared to put my heart on the line again. Then there was the panic because I had told so many lies, deceived them time and time again. How could you let someone love you if the only side they knew of you was a lie?

A fuller segment of my serenade was played from the room to my left, while the memories of the conversation I'd just heard drifted from the room on my right. There I stood, my breathing quicker than it should be and my hands clutching my diary over my heart like a shield. I wasn't sure if I was ready for the future the rooms were offering. I needed more time to decide, understand, and explain.

I walked into the kitchen, running my hands through my hair as my teeth bit into my lip.

"Are you alright, Miss, you seem a little pale, out of sorts?" Janey, their cook, asked and I nodded weakly as I sat on the simple wooden chair by the large oak table. The top was marked and chipped with the daily use, but that was what made its character. The irreparable flaws that showed it had been worth its weight and served its purpose.

"Would you like some mulled wine? That'll get you warmed up in no time." She bustled off and although I kept my eyes trained on the table top, I heard the clanking of a ladle hitting against the edge of a pan. It was closely followed by the trickle of liquid hitting glass and before I knew it the fragrant beverage was placed in front of me.

I felt Janey's hand touch my shoulder as she placed the glass down, giving me a small rub of assurance.

"You must be like me, Miss, storms get me all of a jitter as well. I can't stand that tension before it. It's all heavy, isn't it? 'Course I hate the thing itself even more, too loud for me. But hopefully it's going to stay a few miles out. If I'm lucky I might actually get some sleep tonight." Janey bustled about the kitchen as she talked and her words helped distract me.

I sipped the wine and sighed as the warmth of it heated me from the inside out.

"Thank you, Janey. This is just what I needed."

"My pleasure, Miss. And don't you worry about what's coming, there's nothing to do about it so it's just got to be ridden out." I looked up into her coffee coloured eyes as she smiled down at me. I knew she was talking about the storm, but she had no idea how deep her words hit.

* * *

The riddle of my situation filled my head throughout the evening and I had hoped I would be offered some solace in the solitude of my hotel room, but it wasn't to be the case. Instead I was invited to stay the night in the same room I had slept in the first time they took me in.

Except sleep never came so I still lay waiting for it in my day clothes. I could hear the sounds of Elizabeth and Edward softly sleeping across the hallway but no sound came from Edward's room. I knew why because the quiet tinkling sounds of the piano keys still drifted up the stairs. I couldn't guess the time but he had down there until the sky turned dark and the streets grew eerily quiet.

I swung my legs over the side of the bed, picking up my shoes which sat by the bedside.

My bare feet padded across to the door which opened with a short creak. From there I moved almost silently and unthinkingly down the stairs to stand at the doorway of the lounge.

Was I insane to even think of doing this? Letting Edward see just a glimpse of the real me? The ugly side I kept hidden at all costs?

I shook my head to clear my thoughts before I ran back to my room, ran away from my problems.

I crept into the lounge where the fire still glowed in shades of amber. The faint light lit Edward's face as he sat bent over the piano, the midnight back drop defining him in his loosely tucked shirt and messy hair. He had removed his tie and waistcoat, so they now hung on the back of the sofa.

His fingers passed back over the keys without making a sound and I gasped when he leant against the piano top, huffing and growling with frustration.

At the sound of my gasp his head turned to look at me.

He cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry if I woke you, Miss St Clair."

"You didn't." I gulped but that was the pause I took, otherwise I might back out. "I wanted to talk to you."

"At this hour?" Edward asked with confusion as he glanced out the window.

"Yes, in fact I was hoping you would take a walk with me." I placed my shoes on the floor and started to slip my feet into the leather pumps as I looked up at him. "Please, Edward."

"It's not really wise to be walking around at this time."

"Please. We won't be long. I promise. This is important," I murmured as I pleaded with him. I had come this far and I couldn't let him give me the chance to turn back now.

"What will people think if they see? My parents..." He stopped talking as he looked at me. I watched in trepidation and relief as he reached to button up the top two buttons on his shirt and replace his waistcoat.

I smiled weakly as he came towards me, turning as he followed me toward the front door. We each picked up our coats in silence and opened the door to let the sharp air into the house.

I took the step into the muted darkness, breathing in the silence.

I felt Edward behind me so without a word I marched in the direction of my destination. I couldn't do this with the risk of prying eyes watching or intruding ears listening.

Once we had walked for a few hundred metres, Edward touched my arm, pulling me gently to a stop.

"Where are we going?" He hissed to keep quiet.

"Just a little further." I replied and started my steady pace again. Perhaps it was the chill of the air but I felt numb and oddly calm. The atmosphere around us was still and I saw the dark storm clouds off in the distance.

_The calm before the storm. How apt_

My legs carried me forward and I just had to keep faith that Edward would follow.

Eventually I saw the entrance to the park and my heart started to thrum. I stopped just within the park and looked around at the darkness. It was so still. The grass didn't ripple with the wind and the pond's surface didn't show a single ripple.

It was all so...static.

A flash of lightning snapped across the sky in the distance, cracking the sky and illuminating everything for a second.

"If the sky can crack in such a way, then surely there must be some way back. To something simpler, a fresh start," I whispered to myself although another flash of lightning showed Edward standing beside me. His eyes watched me intensely in the darkness, concern and confusion so evident even in the black.

It was now or never. "Do you believe in fate, Edward? The orchestrated design of destiny?"

"I believe only God is the creator and designer of our lives, no other force has involvement except our own free will," Edward replied as he searched my face.

"If that is the case, and God is the only reason for our existence, then do you think God can hate one of his children? Do you believe he has a vengeful streak like we mortals, since we are by his design?" I asked as I wandered towards the pond. The grass crunched under my soles as my weight snapped the frosting.

"I cannot believe such a thing! Surely you do not think it?" Edward argued as I turned back to him. Another strike of lightning showed him coming towards me slowly.

"I hold no belief in God, although I cannot deny the workings of a higher force." A rumble of thunder sounded and I felt the electricity in the air charge. I could feel it almost soaking into my skin.

"But to even suggest...God does not play such petty human games as vengeance. Only those who are unrepentant for their sins feel his disappointment. But never vengeance, never heartless anger." Edward looked out over the pond beside me and I looked down at our reflections. There he was dressed with his white shirt almost glowing while I was just a figure of darkness in my blood red dress. How fitting.

"Do you think me a sinner, Edward? For I surely believe I have felt his disappointment inflicted upon my life."

"Of course not, Miss St Clair." I watched as his reflection turned to mine, surprise on its face.

"I have kissed a boy and lain beside him without modesty. I have had thoughts of self destruction. I have deceived so many close to me. Are you still certain of your opinion?" I spoke to the reflection because it was easier that way. In the distance the thunder grumbled at my morals.

"Do you say these things to test me, Ma'am? Are you merely toying with my mind?" I looked up at him instantly, regret ringing through me.

"I would never do such a thing to you, Edward. Never. But please answer me because I don't know what to think anymore."

"I do not think you are a bad person. You are good to your core, Miss St Clair. Nothing could alter that." He looked so sincere; he must have been truly taken in by my facade.

"If God is the great fair designer, then why does he taunt me so?" I could feel the tears coating my eyes and I hated them. They always marked me as weak when I wasn't. At least I didn't think myself to be. If I was then what was the point in me enduring everything I had, if it hadn't made me stronger?

"Miss St Clair?" He sounded shocked and another flash of lightning showed his face gazing at mine with sadness in his eyes. I felt his hand near mine, reaching until it touched my skin. The warmth it brought made me sigh. "...Sarelle." he murmured as his thumb stroked across my knuckles.

I broke, at the sound of my name. I shattered and came undone.

"By God's choice, you haunt me every waking hour and every sleepless dream." A rain drop landed on my cheek, disguising the first tear that fell. "By his will I am drawn to you, to fall at your feet no matter how scratched my knees become." Another flash of lightning showed the distress my outburst was causing him. "I have tried to fight it, with all my strength I battled his plan, but still my lips sigh your name in my sleep. And I find myself before you like a compass finds north." I released his hand and let the cold of the place claim my skin, no warmth to cling to. "I know the taste of anguish and the sting of despair wait just around the corner. And I know it will kill me, but that doesn't seem reason enough to stop." I whispered to the darkness.

I was lost. All the confusion I had felt over the passing months exploded in clarity. All the emotions I had kept locked away rushed to the surface, all the memories I had hid from reeled through my mind. And the strength of it sapped me of my own.

And all the while, as the thunder played, and lightning danced, and the rain fell down upon my face, Edward watched. He was silent and unrelenting in his gaze as he watched me fall apart before him. I let him see the girl who hid behind the bravado, smiles, and words. He saw her and now he knew she was a mess. So far from perfect.

I dropped his gaze and sank to my feet, sitting with my knees pulled up to my chest to try and plug the hole that ached there.

The rain drops fell heavy on my hair but I could barely feel them landing on my cold face. Within moments I felt Edward's hand taking mine. I looked around to see him crouched beside me, his eyes soft even in the flashing light of the storm. I sat with baited breath as he lifted his other hand to cup the side of my face, stroking warmth back into the surface of my cheek.

His eyes held mine as he raised my hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss upon it. His other hand moved up from my cheek to brush my wet hair from my face. I released a shaky breath as his eyes roved over my features.

"Sarelle I..." He started but a tortured sound echoed across the electric air and we both snapped our heads in its direction – the dark line of trees across the pond. "...I think it best we go." Edward finished and I nodded swiftly.

Another scream caused the air to almost ripple as it pierced the air, electrifying the atmosphere with fear. The hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention as a shiver ran down my spine. I had never heard a sound that could chill me to the bone, not like this one. I steadied my gaze on Edward as we stood frozen in place. I knew our bodies were rushing with adrenaline, urging us to flee, but here we stood rooted to the spot in a moment when our blood seemed too cold to move through our muscles. Edward's eyes were set wide, the green flashing brightly against the paling background of his face.

"Come, Sarelle. Quickly." We moved in disjointed movements at first, our hands clasped together as we tugged and stuttered together. Our movements grew in fluidity, synchronisation, and speed as our bodies caught up with our minds. The screaming still continued, still haunting our ears as it carried on the wind. It swirled around us, and as much as my mind was blurred with terror, a subconscious part of me registered the eerie familiarity of the tones. Too familiar, too personal.

As Edward and I finally reached the gates of the park I heard another blood-chilling screech but this time it wasn't mindless, obscure, or indecipherable. The scream was a wicked whisper to my darkest imagination. The scream was for him.

For Edward.

His name had been called out in distress and agony, in a pleading but hopeless prayer. I was not naive enough to hope I had misheard. I knew the voice that called and I knew the boy it asked for. Fortunately the same boy was oblivious beside me, clutching my hand in his as he brought us to the safety of the cobbled streets.

I knew the cold hard facts of that scream, all but one... Why?

**A/N: Yup, Sarelle's a bit of a headcase. But I figured some melodrama was bound to seep in after the life she's had. T****hanks for reading!**

**x**


	43. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Just to help with any confusion, the screaming at the end of the last chapter was Sarelle.**

**Can't believe this story broke the 300 review mark. That was just...I was prety shocked. Especially since this isn't really the kind of story that gives you the giggles, or makes you smile every update. Anyway here's the next installment of this rollercoaster ride. The next five updates will hopefully be every 5 days...ish. Bu after that who knows how long I'll take to get stuff written.**

**Happy reading!**

**x**

The population of Chicago was in turmoil, no longer was the war the reigning headline. Spanish Influenza had hit and it hit hard. I expected, like many diseases, that it would creep like death itself. That it would be stealthy and sweeping, going unnoticed by those around them until it was too late. For some it was the case but enough notice was taken for people to start to register what was happening and warnings to be put out.

Of course those warnings didn't hold much pull on the society that preferred to mix and mingle than stay home and wait for illness to strike.

People were more careful but careful wouldn't be enough. I knew that.

Edward went with me everywhere, that was when he didn't insist on us staying inside. He had even asked his parents to allow me to stay at their home so that it limited the amount of time I was out walking amongst the possible sickness. It was his overreaction but I didn't mind it to an extent, it showed he cared. That was all I could ask for after I released the shock of our night at the park on him.

After that night we changed. Our hands found each others in moments of privacy, entwining our fingers under tables or brushing our feet as we dined. We shared fleeting glances and whispered conversations. We were no longer dancing the line between friendship and love. We were somewhere in no man's land, where what we had didn't need to be named. It was easy and peaceful and when Isabel asked me to dish the dirt I merely smiled a tranquil smile and replied 'we're an enigma and I'm not planning on solving it anytime soon.' I didn't feel like I was living in complexity. I slept soundly in my bed each night knowing I would see Edward in the morning, but also knowing my heart was still safely in my grasp. I hadn't given it to him and he didn't ask me for it.

I smiled as I thought back over the past two weeks since I laid my broken self out to Edward. Tonight was the valentine ball that we were attending as a group.

I fastened my locket around my neck and spritzed my pulse points with the French perfume Edward had bought me last week.

Once I did a final check in the mirror I shut my bedroom door behind me and went to descend the stairs.

I could see Edward standing away from his parents looking up at me as I eased myself down each step. My heels were a little higher than usual but I wanted to look nice tonight. Since it was Valentine's I was to be officially be Edward's date for the evening and as I held that role I wanted to do it justice.

As I moved my feet towards him it felt like my heartbeat was reverberating through my body, my own marching drum to walk to. He was so much like my vampire yet so different. The difference was good, it stopped me from reminiscing and craving the life I had with my vampire. Like his vampire self, he still looked good in a suit, and his posture was just as proud and refined, although it did lack some of the strength and inhuman grace. I didn't care. My heart still fluttered when his emerald eyes settled on my figure just as it did when his amber gaze would blaze over my skin.

I nervously smoothed my ruby red gown as I reached him. Always the gentleman he offered me his arm and I took it with a small appreciative smile.

"You look especially lovely this evening, Sarelle," he said softly and I touched my hand to his as thanks.

"You don't look so bad yourself, Edward." I blushed when Edward's face took on a slight bemused expression. My words were not as in keeping with this old fashioned world. I had forgotten some of the cadences of this time; then again Edward didn't seem to dislike my unusual behaviour and words.

It was odd to be accompanied by his parents on what in my mind was our first date, but it was the rules of courtship.

His hand held mine as he helped me into the carriage and I hated that I had to release it when I took my seat beside Elizabeth.

Her wonderful rich green gown enhanced her features perfectly, setting off her bronze hair.

I sat opposite Edward and had to fight the urge to bathe my gaze on his appearance. I slipped several times and smiled in amusement to find his eyes studying me as if memorising every detail. It was the same gaze that my vampire had used so often to make my heart palpitate at the intensity.

Eventually, we arrived at the ball and Edward and I exited the carriage behind Elizabeth and Edward Senior.

The house had been boldly planned. Instead of squeezing through a narrow passage to get to the ballroom one marched solemnly down a vista of enfiladed drawing rooms seeing from afar the many-candled lustres reflected in the polished parquetry and beyond that the depths of a conservatory where camellias and tree ferns arched their costly foliage over seats of black and gold bamboo. But only by actually passing through the crimson drawing room could you get to the ballroom where the dancing was in full swing.

The ballroom was filled with Chicago's finest and at first I squirmed under the curious glances I gained but soon relaxed into the spirit of it all. It seemed having my arm resting with Edward's offered me some comfort and security.

Just as we walked through the hall I saw a flash of bright blonde ahead of us. The shade was impossible to confuse with anyone else but Carlisle.

I strained to stretch upwards and see him properly. As I clung to Edward's arm I saw Carlisle talking with a group men, each of whom were puffing on cigars unlike him.

Edward's hand squeezing mine distracted me and I turned to him with a questioning smile.

"Who has been lucky enough to capture you attention?" He asked as he let go of my hand to claim us two champagne glasses.

"Dr Cullen, actually. I was hoping to talk with him about this whole Spanish influenza business." I turned to see Carlisle still in conversation but also passing a glance my direction.

"I've told you, Sarelle, you don't have to worry about it. They'll have a cure before you know it." He nudged me in comfort and touched my shoulder as he looked into my eyes.

"Trust me," he said and I smiled at his words but still my eyes glanced at Carlisle.

Edward sighed beside me, "Go. I need to have a word with my parents anyway, but all the same hurry back." I nodded as I left to talk with the good doctor.

I knew he sensed me anyway but I tapped his shoulder to garner his attention.

"Please excuse me gentlemen, but I've been meaning to talk with this lovely young lady." The men cast me appreciative glances and Carlisle understanding nods before they bumbled off to no doubt get another drink.

"It's been a while," I said as I grasped Carlisle in a hug. He froze at first but then I felt his arms return it gently.

"It certainly has. Are you well?" Carlisle asked as his eyes scanned my body like they could seek out disease just from a glance.

"I haven't' had a temperature or a cough if that's what you mean." I grinned and he smiled slightly.

"They shouldn't still hold these events, not with the influenza rife among them."

"This is all they have, Carlisle, this is all that will get them through the fear of it."

He nodded sadly. He was probably calculating how many would die in this room. 50%, 60%, 70%? I swallowed deeply when I remembered for definite that three people here wouldn't survive.

I sighed and dropped that train of thought. This was a night for happiness not thoughts of the far future.

"Anyway I wanted to ask you something."

Carlisle just looked at me, a poignant pause waiting for me to continue.

"Do you think it's possible to have both your present and future exist at the same time?" It was a concept I had been battling with ever since I heard that scream in the park. I knew I was probably in denial and that I probably already knew the answer, but I felt better having Carlisle's opinion.

"I don't know much of your condition, Sarelle, but I would think it would take a great deal of energy to allow such a possibility to occur. Either that or..." He stopped and a frown formed on his face.

I squeezed his hand in desperation. "What Carlisle, either that or what?"

He looked at me with something close to sympathy and I felt my breath catch in my chest. Dread filled me because he was hiding something again. Just like he had in Belmore and I knew the consequences of that wasn't good.

"Carlisle, tell me. I have to know." I pleaded. Now I knew that the scream I heard had definitely been my own, I had to know what it meant.

"Either it would require a great deal of energy or...something would have had to have been changed. Something fundamental so that it wasn't the same two beings existing at the same time."

"Something would have to have changed," I whispered as another piece of the puzzled settled into place. It was the fatal piece that showed me a glimpse of the final picture. I knew it wouldn't be pretty but I didn't realise that it would be death.

"I'd have to be dying, shutting down, the life force decaying - changing," I said the words with a calmness that startled even me.

"I could be wrong, Sarelle. You can't just take my word for it. Like I said I don't understand your condition."

"If you're wrong then you're wrong. But if you're right then at least I know what's coming. I don't know when but I guess that's a good thing, right? I'll just live everyday as my last." I flashed a faulty smile at Carlisle and took a deep glug of my champagne.

"Sarelle, I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey, no apologies. This is a good thing." And for some reason I had the sense that it was. I knew there would be an end at some point. I could finally be at peace. I knew I would lose Edward once again when the disease took him, but at least I knew one day I would follow him. Maybe not into immortality but to a place where I could be with him always nonetheless.

Carlisle clutched my hands in his as his pensive eyes watched me intently. It was only when we registered a presence beside us that we broke apart.

"Doctor Cullen. I hope you wouldn't mind if I stole Miss St Clair from you," Edward asked as his hand rested at the base of my spine.

"No," Carlisle whispered as his eyes stayed glued to me.

He seemed to snap out of his daze a second later as he turned to Edward and smiled. "No, of course not, Mr Masen."

I gave him a nod of thanks and let myself be led away by Edward through the crowd. I turned back once to see Carlisle watching me mournfully but I didn't allow myself another glance. I knew my fate now, he had confirmed what I suspected, and that meant I had only to focus on the present. The future was too scary a picture to look upon.

"Where are we going?" I murmured in Edward's ear as we weaved through the thinning crowds.

"Can you not just trust my intentions?" Edward teased.

"Of course, but if you're planning a joint suicide off the roof I would like the opportunity to opt out."

"Always so sarcastic, aren't you, Sarelle?" Edward chided playfully as we rounded a deserted corner.

"Me, sarcastic? Never." I snickered as we reach a set of French doors.

We stepped out on to the terrace and our world became bathed in silence and shades of midnight blue. The city sprawled out in front of us, its lights twinkling like fireflies flitting through the darkness. Not even the nippy winter cold could ruin the beauty of the night that enveloped us.

I inhaled the crisp air as I tilted my head up to gaze upon the sky. Its endless expanse was interrupted with glinting stars, nestled amongst the hazy darkness like diamonds buried in velvet.

"It's nice to finally see the stars. We've had so much cloud recently, they've been hidden. Isn't it beautiful?" I whispered in wonder as my hands clasped around the cold stone balcony. Distant sounds of the city drifted up to greet my ears as life continued far below us.

I felt Edward come to join me, standing beside the plume of white and pink flowers as they cascaded over the stone.

"Not as beautiful as you," he murmured and I dropped my gaze instantly as the feeling of dread plummeted in my stomach. I liked no man's land. I wanted to stay there. I wanted to keep my heart safe, with me, where it couldn't be broken.

"Don't, please." The words barely left my mouth; they had so little strength to them. I felt weak and my hands gripped the balcony out of need rather than just being a place to put them.

"Sarelle."

"Edward, please. I..."

"I promise to love you forever, every single day of forever; will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?" His eyes shone, and I felt turmoil rule me. I wanted to say yes. More than anything in this world I wanted to utter those words, but could I set myself up for the fall, again?

"Mr Masen..."

"Please don't do call me that, not with all that has transpired."

"Edward, I... I'm not right for you." I breathed, shaking my head.

"You're wrong, you're perfect for me. Like my other half," he professed, earnest fuelling his words.

"No.."

"Sarelle, for years I've wondered why I felt alone. Why I didn't feel the same way as the others that surrounded me. Why I didn't gaze upon a girl and wish her to be mine. But now I know why. No other girl was ever going to spark my desire because they weren't you. It was always meant to be you, ever since that first day in the park when we first met, all those years ago."

"You remember?"

"Love vanquishes time, Sarelle. No matter that we were too young to fully understand. No amount of years could dull how I feel for you. You were an angel to me then, and you're an angel to me now."

I couldn't bare it, the intensity that flooded from his eyes. It was too strong so I had to look away. Just for a second, in the hope that it would calm my racing heart and clear my muddled mind. But I wasn't granted that fleeting moment because his gentle touch guided my face back round to his and I was lost in those eyes all over again. Lost and almost defeated.

"Sarelle, please, just listen to me. I may not be as experienced in the art of love as others, I may not say the right words as such, and I may not fit in with this society. But when I'm with you I don't feel lost in this world because I know where I belong. I'm yours. Completely. Will you be mine?"

I had promised myself that I wouldn't let myself fall for him again. I had built so many walls around my heart to protect myself from the pain I caused myself when I lost him the first time. But now, as I saw him before me with his face anxious and sincere, I could feel the walls crumbling down. There was still the part of me that said I wasn't ready, told me the pain would be too much. But then the other half of me said simply: make him yours forever, or at least a small slice of forever.

The conversation I had shared with Carlisle rattled through my brain and I knew this may be last chance to love again, was I going to throw it away because I was scared?

No. There was no way I could shut him out. No matter when I met him, he still found his way into my heart. Just like how a ray of sunshine pierces even the darkest of caverns. It's undeniable, and unavoidable.

Now that I stood here I couldn't even understand why I would want to deny it because everything somehow seemed so much brighter, like he took the veil from my eyes and enlightened me to the true vivacity of life around me.

All because I loved him, and I admitted that certain fact to myself. He was the only thing I wanted and I couldn't bear the thought of living with him in my life, near me, without at least acknowledging how much he meant to me.

So although I swore I wouldn't fall again, I couldn't stop the fluttery feeling of ecstasy which filled me, like the feeling of free falling.

He was my gravity and this time I sought no defence against the pull.

There were no complications, no Bella. Just me and him, for as long as time allowed.

My eyes rose to meet his waiting stare.

"I have always been yours, Edward. Always." His answering smile was blinding and as his eyes sparkled I took the final step towards him, disregarding the etiquette of this society. I didn't care for following the rules because love should never be caged by such trivial things as manners, social propriety, or expectations.

His expression became nervous as I finally stood before him, our chests almost touching, brushing against each other with every heavy breath he took.

In a surge of confidence I touched my fingertip to his jaw line, guiding his lips down to mine with a tender touch. When our lips finally brushed in sweet reunion I felt his shaky breath rush from his lungs with excitement.

"You taste like cherries." He breathed. Commenting on the cherry lip balm I nearly always wore now.

I pulled away instantly and smiled at his boyish blush.

My vampire had never blushed.

Then again he had always seemed so together, and certain of how to act and what he wanted. This human version of him was not as sure of the ways of love. He needed to be guided through the mystery of it all, and I loved that I would be the one to do it.

It was a shot of confidence to my character. I would be the leader in this relationship, maybe not the dominant because I never wanted to control Edward. I liked my feminine role in our relationship, but I felt this relationship would be different to my previous one with Edward. I wasn't as fragile or young as I once was. I had grown in more ways than just the physical. I was still the same person but I wasn't as weak as I once had been. I didn't_ need_ Edward as a safe haven, I just wanted him. There wasn't the edge of desperation to my emotions.

I watched as Edward's eyes cleared of the nervous joy and became so much stronger, more ready and certain. He reached down to me and placed a firm, lingering kiss on my lips while his palm came to rest tenderly against my cheek. It was such a simple moment when there was nothing else clouding the moment. Not even passion interrupted the sweetness, and I didn't miss it, I knew it would come later so in this moment I didn't burn for it.

"Is your answer yes?" Even now he seemed unsure and I stifled a giggle that this wonderful man in front of me thought himself unworthy of me. That he honestly seemed to believe that I would reject him from my life.

"Yes. Forever and eternity," I whispered in his ear as I placed a kiss on his slightly stubbled cheek.

He shifted from my grasp and lowered himself onto one knee, his triumphant face beaming up at me.

"Sarelle St Clair, with this ring I ask you to be my wife, for as long as we both shall live." From his left pocket he produced a small black velvet box and with a snap of his fingers it opened to reveal something more beautiful than any star in the sky.

The delicate ring sat nestled amongst the plush velvet, much like the sky amongst the night sky.

"It was my mother's," Edward said simply as I marvelled in awe.

"It's...exquisite." The only thing I had ever seen so incandescent was a vampire in sunlight, sparkling like diamonds.

"May I?" he asked as he reached for my left hand.

"Wait." I looked down at my left hand, staring at the silver band that sat on my ring finger. I hadn't removed it in nearly two years, ever since that Valentine night when Edward's vampire self slid it in place.

I deliberated for only a second before sliding the warmed metal from my finger and switching it onto my right hand. It had left a slight mark where the band had moulded to my skin but other than that there were no difficulties in removing it.

I thought that maybe I would feel some sort of monumental change in me, or some grand revelation. But there was nothing. I wasn't losing what I had had with Edward all those years ago; I was just putting it in perspective. He wasn't the focus of my life anymore, or at least his immortal version wasn't. I didn't feel that yearning for him or our past life.

In a way I had moved on, even if it was a very odd way of doing it.

I felt a smile stretch across my face as Edward placed the ring on my finger. For the second time in my life.

**A/N: So Sarelle basically knows she's going ot die at some point, if you were told something like that how do you think you'd react? **


	44. Chapter 43

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Back again! :P**

**happy reading!**

The remainder of our evening at the ball had passed in a series of stolen kisses, sly touches, and burning gazes. In the two hours since I accepted Edward's proposal we had catapulted ourselves into a world of intimacy. Edward's hands seemed unable to stay off my figure and my eyes couldn't stay off his. I knew our behaviour was being noticed, but it didn't seem to bother either Mr or Mrs Masen. It was only Isabel that even acted with surprise, but then when she saw the ring her mouth released a delightful squeal.

It was all just the beginning. In a way it was a better time because after that night we were watched constantly. We couldn't go out to a public function without conversation centring on our engagement, our circumstances, dates of the wedding, celebratory dinners. Every little detail from our relationship, history, and proposal was discussed. It was exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. Somehow I adapted, somehow I learnt to relax around the questioning glances and gossiping mouths. Whenever queries of my past came to fruition, I took a glance at Edward, and we smoothly redirected the conversation. He didn't know what I was, but he did know that my past was a sensitive subject, and my personal privacy was important to me.

Public outings were just one part of the deal. The Masen home, my home, was another situation altogether. My personal possessions had been moved from the hotel, and I was now a permanent resident of the Masen home. Of course that alone had caused tongues to wag, but the Masens didn't seem to mind.

Nearly every day I spent with Edward until Elizabeth and Isabel swept me away for all manner of wedding arranging appointments. I'd tried on several dresses, sampled dozens of cakes, and looked upon nearly a whole meadow's worth of flowers. But Elizabeth seemed anxious to push the wedding ahead, and neither Edward nor I had any issues with a short engagement.

I hoped that Elizabeth's reasons for a short engagement were not only because the influenza had reached us, in fact it was calling from our doorstep. Just a few doors down the a family-the Kellys-had suffered their first lost by the death of the mother, and they were soon to suffer a second as their father was failing fast.

Still this black cloud on society didn't cease the parties and socials. It was at one of these evening events that Edward and I sat hidden amongst the potted plants in a quiet corner, a fruitless attempt to hide from prying eyes.

"Everyone knows, you can see it in the way they stare," I whispered as another appraising glance came our way from Mrs Tully.

"Yes we do seem to be a point of interest. My only wish is that we didn't have a need to stay at the ball." He lowered his voice at the end, speaking with a low husky tone that resonated in my ears.

"Yes, I know. It's not too conducive to privacy, all these people milling around – prying eyes."

"Exactly. The worst of it is. . ." He murmured as his eyes cast a covert glance around the room, and his feet took an edging step towards me. ". . . that I want to kiss you and I can't."

"No such thing as can't," I purred in his ear, my fingertips grazing the back on his neck. I let out a sigh of contentment when he pulled me close by the hand and hid his face in the crook of my neck, right before his lips and tongue explored there so feverishly. I trembled roughly at his closeness and the sudden manifest of lust. My arms encircled his neck, to keep steady or just to keep him there for longer… I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to concentrate on keeping my feet planted firmly on the ground, but my legs wobbled under me dangerously when he slowly traced every fold of my ear with the tip of his tongue.  
The party was light years away now, in the Land of Unimportant.

His kisses ended in a light bite on my neck and that was my cue to return to reality with a deep, shaky sigh. I was pretty sure my eyes mirrored some kind of insanity now, just as his did when his face resurfaced in front of me.

"I hate being responsible in moments like this…" He panted; trying to steady his breathing with his eyes still closed. He grabbed my face gently with his both hands, brushing his thumbs over my flushed cheeks. "…but they'll wonder where we are."

Edward's eyes lock back on mine when he opened them, while the tip of his tongue sneaked out again to run across his bottom lip. Similar to a cat licking off the remains of the sweet cream it just had.

"How will I ever give thanks to God for sending me such an angel as you?" he murmured as his thumb swept across my lower lip. I placed a soft kiss on the tip before bringing his hand down to grasp in mine.

"Believe me, Edward, God had nothing to do with it," I replied, smirking at his dismissive smile. He knew where my beliefs lay but he was forever trying to convince me otherwise.

We wandered back to the party, joining Elizabeth and Edward Senior as they stood at the side of the dance floor.

I could see Isabel dancing with the same quiet boy she had danced with at the ball at The Royal. Her smile was as bright as his eyes and I could see so clearly how good a match they could be. That is if either ever took the chance to confess their feelings.

"Are you not dancing?" I asked Elizabeth because I knew how much she loved to dance. It was evident in the way her body relaxed against her husband's, and her face just glowed.

"No, not tonight, Sarelle. We were, well, we were actually about to leave. Edward, isn't feeling up to par tonight." Elizabeth's voice shook as she talked about her husband no matter how hard she tried to control it.

I felt Edward's hand grasped mine, and I could feel the worry flow through him into me.

"We'll come with you, Mother," Edward said, and I nodded enthusiastically.

"Don't be silly. You two stay here and have fun. I'm fine, just a little tired," Edward Senior said, but I saw the way he clutched his cane to hold his weight and his face seemed more flushed than usual.

"I can take your father home, Edward. You still owe Sarelle a dance after all." Elizabeth persuaded, but her eyes showed just how scared she was.

"Sarelle, would you mind?" Edward asked, and I looked up at him to see the concern he held for his father.

"Not at all. We're to be family and families stay together." With our decision made we left the party and called our carriage.

The ride was quiet except for Mr Masens strained breathing. It was horrifying to see how fast the illness could take hold. I found myself searching Elizabeth and Edward for signs of change - even if it were only a small difference like a slight flush or a glaze in their eyes.

I knew they would each suffer and die, but I didn't think it would be this quick. I thought it would be month until the time came, but I was starting to worry that it would be mere weeks.

It took a while for us to help Edward Senior up and into his bed; he was too tired to hold himself properly.

Elizabeth said she would call the doctor in the morning but those were the only words she said to us before we left, and she stayed sitting at her husband's beside.

I tried not to hear them but her sobs drifted down the stairs as Edward and I sat in companionable silence in the lounge. My head rested at the crook of his neck, and I embraced every heavy heartbeat that sounded through his chest. He was healthy, alive, and vital, for now.

When the time came to retire for bed I took my time kissing Edward goodnight. I didn't leave a chaste peck on his cheek or a soft kiss on his lips. I kissed him with as much passion and love my body could muster because I knew he was hurting and he was scared. I just wanted him to know that I was here for him. That he didn't have to carry the weight of the situation alone.

* * *

It was strange how quickly everything could change, how the feel of warmth, safety, and joyfulness could be sucked out of a household within a matter of twelve hours. Edward Senior didn't get out of bed the following morning, and Elizabeth sat dutifully by his side, locked in their room. She refused to come out, and she ordered that neither me nor Edward were to enter. She had constructed an unofficial quarantine and by doing so she condemned herself knowingly.

Over the passing days, just ten to be exact, all that had once been ceased to exist. The city had slowed to a near halt. Schools were closed. Church services were banned. The federal government limited its hours of operation. The city began shutting down. The federal government staggered its hours to limit crowding on the streets. Commissioners overseeing the district closed schools, along with playgrounds, theaters, vaudeville houses and "all places of amusement." Dances and other social gatherings were banned. People were dying — some who took ill in the morning were dead by night. They just disappeared from the face of the earth within hours. It was scary, because every morning when you got up, you asked, 'Who died during the night?' rather than "How have you been?". Society started to crumbled as distrust spread. People were very leery of each other. And if any braved the outdoors it was done with a mask over the nose and mouth.

That was our attire whenever Edward and I ventured to Chicago park. It felt like the fresh air there was pure enough to be free of disease, that it was somehow a bubble from the sickly weight of the city air. Of course I knew this wasn't true, but just for a few hours I liked to pretend.

"Mother says the doctor has given Father a shot. It's a far fetched hope but it may work," Edward said as we walked hand in hand around the pond, the gauze mask muffling his words.

"We can only hope, Edward," I replied because I could say nothing else. I knew they would die, in fact part of me was hoping I would follow them. I already knew death waited for me around the corner. Then again the influenza didn't offer many a peaceful death. People could see that while they were being told on the one hand that it was ordinary influenza, they were seeing their spouse die in 24 hours or less, bleeding from their eyes, ears, nose, and mouth, turning so dark that people thought it was the black death. I feared how I would cope if Edward ever got into such a state. How would I be strong enough to watch him die, to watch him leave me again?

I clenched Edward's hand in mine a little tighter at the thought. Elizabeth was strong enough to watch her husband die before her. She was strong enough to sit beside him, knowing she would meet the same fate. If she could do such a thing then I had to believe I could to.

The feel of Edward's hand in mine was warm in contrast to the brittle cold of the winter. It was too warm. I snuck a glance at his face and scanned it with terror. I needed more time with him. I needed to show him just how much he meant to me. Half his face was hidden by the mask but I could see, plain as day, the tiredness creeping into his eyes. Could it just be the stress of the ordeal with his father? I hoped it was, but the sick feeling in my stomach told me otherwise.

As we walked through the desolate streets I watched as three girls played jump rope, chanting as they skipped. "I once had a bird. I called it Enza. I opened the window. And IN-FLU-ENZA." Only children could make such suffering into something light-hearted.

On opening the door we were confronted by the faint sound of sobs coming from upstairs. Janey, the cook, came out from the kitchen, her mask in place and two hot mugs of warmed brandy. I knew the look in her eyes before she said a word. Edward must have to because I felt him turn rigid beside me, his jaw clenched and his eyes burned.

"I'm so sorry, Master Masen. The flu took him just an hour ago," Janey said quietly, barely loud enough to be heard over the crying above us.

"Edward," I gasped as I turned into his shoulder. Mr Masen had always been so lively. He was reserved compared to his wife, but his reservation just made his character stronger. It was a near impossibility to imagine him gone, lifeless. The house itself already seemed a little colder without the warmth of his cigars and smile.

Edward's arm moved stiffly to surround me, until eventually, I felt his head snuggle into the crook of my neck, and I felt his hot gasping breaths hit my skin. His tears wet my cheek, mixing with my own as we each wept for a man who had been an solid part of our lives. I held Edward as he mourned his father, rubbing circles on his back as he clung to me. He had never broken down in front of me, not once in the many years I'd known him. But he had held me when I was all but lost and now I returned the favour.

"I'm so sorry, my love. If we'd stayed here, maybe..." I murmured, but I felt Edward shake his head against my skin.

"Don't, Sarelle." He unfolded himself from our embrace and looked down on me, before cupping my face and brushing away my tears. "God, I love you, with my whole heart I love you." He leant forward to rest our foreheads together, each of our breathing rough from the tears.

"I love you too, Edward. Always." I sniffed as my hands passed to run through his hair and down along his jaw. "You should go to Elizabeth. She needs you."

Edward nodded before reluctantly leaving my arms.

As he ran up the stairs to his mother I felt myself wilt. My eyes cast down to the glittering engagement ring on my finger.

_So close to true happiness, and yet so far._

* * *

Death moved efficiently after it had taken Mr Masen Senior. I felt it linger in the house, waiting to claim it's next victim.

Before Edward Senior's coffin design was even decided, Elizabeth was already failing and Edward followed her rapidly. If it was for Elizabeth to decide she would never have left her house, but it was under Carlisle's instruction that she and Edward were admitted to hospital. An instruction I had implored Carlisle to give.

As I looked down on Edward in his hospital bed, I felt myself remembering the day just before yesterday, when the hourglass started to run and life started to slip away from Edward.

_Elizabeth was asleep in her bed, as she had been for much of the day. It was only Edward and I who sat down in the lounge, the warmth of the fire not helping the mild shivers racking his body. Not a sound filled the house except for the crackling fire and the ominous ticking clock. The house help had ceased to come to work, either for fear of the flu or from death of it._

_Edward's eyes were fixed on the fire, resolute in something he was thinking of. My hand rested on his chest, above his heart beat, as my head lay on his shoulder. I could feel every beat in my fingertips and I hated to think they were a countdown to when his heart would one day stop._

_Edward hand shifted on my leg, where it rested on my thigh. We always sat like this in private, his arm around me and my legs across his lap. We entwined together like the magnets we seemed to be. I couldn't deny the theory because I was drawn to him, against my will or otherwise. We sought each other out without even realising._

_Edward took a deep breath and exhaled with a tired sigh. "Sarelle, I'm dying." I knew it, but it still hurt to hear him admit it. To accept it._

_My hands scrunched on his shirt, clutching the buttons in the fist. "Please don't say it."_

"_You're strong. You have to be strong for me, Sarelle. For us." He sounded so serene as he spoke, but I clenched my eyes shut wishing my ears could do the same._

"_Don't talk like that, Edward. I can't take it," I pleaded, but his hand brought my face to look up at his._

"_You can, my love. You'll survive this and you'll go on to live a full and happy life. You'll fall in love. You'll wear a beautiful white dress on your wedding day. You'll have a family with beautiful children. And you'll grow old with the one you love, sitting on the porch as your grandchildren play." Edward's voice was so filled with hope, but it hurt too much to hear him give up so easily._

"_I don't want that, Edward. I don't want any of that without you." My palm rested on his jaw, and I bit my lip against the lump in my throat._

"_This can't be the end of your happiness, angel. I can't be at peace if I know you'll never smile again." Edward's voice wobbled, and I sniffed as he placed a kiss on my forehead. We had discarded the masks. I had no use for mine because I didn't fear death and Edward had resigned to his fate._

"_I can smile for you, Edward, but please don't ask of anything more because I don't want to deny you," I replied playing with his fingers as they sat with mine._

"_Just one more wish." I looked at him questioningly as he smiled down on me. How had he managed to change the mood in just a sentence? How had he managed to leave death behind in just a mattered of words? _

"_A__ taste of that cherry sweetness upon your lips." I smiled at his poetic request and kissed him deeply. I smiled a watery smile as he moaned against my lips. He always loved the cherry lip balm I wore. I felt his tongue sweep over my lower lip before I deepened the kiss. If this kiss was to be the beginning of my death, I could think of no better way to go_

I exhaled a deep breath as I left the memory. I hadn't gotten sick yet when I should have. Part of me was disappointed by that.

I looked down at Edward as he began to wake from his fever. His eyes were heavy and hooded, and his hair was coated with sweat, making it stick to his clammy heated skin.

"I'm here, my love," I said as his eyes began to focus.

He raised a shaking hand to my face. "My angel." He sighed, and I leant into the quivering palm that rested on my cheek. He felt so hot against my skin that another tear leaked from my eye. He was so ill and frail. I had never wanted to see him like this, I wanted to be selfish and remember him always as the viral man he had once been. But I couldn't leave him, above all things I couldn't do that.

A faint frown creased his brow and his lips moved faintly as he spoke. "You shouldn't cry, angels don't cry." I gasped a small sad laugh as he repeated his first words to me. Nonetheless I swept away the few tears that had fallen. I wouldn't cry, not this time.

"Don't be silly, I'm no angel, Edward." He smiled at my teasing but soon his face grew serious and almost full of wonder.

"Yes you are. The years haven't touched your skin, not like they should have. Angels stay immortally beautiful. Your kisses taste like cherries. That's you. So sweet. So beautiful." I knew he was caught in delirium but part of felt like that didn't matter. He had spotted the small differences and he had noticed them , subconsciously, all along. Maybe he saw how I squirmed when my past was brought up, or how my words and actions didn't always correspond to the time I should have been accustomed to. I didn't know how he spotted the clues, but I just knew on some basic level that he had. And it made this all the more difficult because he had known I had lied to him and that I hid secrets, that I was different, but he still loved me. Right to this very end.

"You make me beautiful, Edward. Just being near you brings me happiness." I clutched his hand in mine, placing a kiss on his palm.

"Say we'll stay like this forever. Just us," he whispered with his faint voice. His eyes were starting to close, and I knew he was battling his heavy lids to stay awake.

"Yes, forever my love. We will be this way for all of forever. In your mind we will last for eternity." My words seemed to put him at ease because his breathing became just a little less laboured.

"Forever and eternity," he said, although his voice seemed too lost to be heard clearly. I leant across my seat and placed my palm on his cheek. His head turned towards me, and I saw the tranquil smile coating his pale lips. I closed the space between us and placed a soft and tender kiss on his lips as my fingers brushed through his hair, pushing it away from his clammy face.

"I'm so tired, love." Edward sighed as we parted.

"Sleep, my love. Dream," I said with a calm smile. _It will be your last._

I watched as with each tick of the clock his muscles relaxed and his breathing evened to a steady pace. He looked so young when he slept and I took my time to take him in. My hands brushed through his hair and traced his jaw before cupping his face and stroking over the strong planes of his cheekbones. He was so beautiful and innocent.

"Sarelle. It's time." Carlisle's voice didn't shock me or cause panic to rise in my chest. I knew this time was coming and I knew I had to let go. Elizabeth had already asked Carlisle the most baffling of requests. Her words had struck Carlisle, but it was me he had come to seeking reassurance. I was the one to convince him to change Edward, although not much persuasion was required.

"I know." I took a final grasp of Edward's hand before stepping away and watching as Carlisle took his various notes: pulse check, time of death. "Am I widow, Carlisle? Or just unfortunate?" I mused as I stared into space. This moment was so oddly tranquil. I thought it had something to do with the absolute silence of the hospital.

"I cannot say, Sarelle. That choice is a decision only the heart can make." I nodded because that explanation made sense. I wasn't married to Edward legally but that didn't change much in my mind. I had been his in every way except matrimony.

"Do you think me uncaring not to shed a tear?"

"No, I cannot think you uncaring, Sarelle," Carlisle said as he rest his hand on my shoulder, both of us looking over at the boy that would bond us.

"That's a relief, I thought this moment would be too much to bear and yet I find myself...calm."

"The human mind is a complex thing; it deals with situations in different ways." I stared at Edward and it seemed like time just dragged on, with each second I could feel the tingle spark around me. I didn't even lurhc with surprise when it made itself known because I couldn't find it in me to care. If I left this place now I wouldn't have any reason to wish to stay. There was nothing here for me now.

"I will keep him safe, Sarelle." Carlisle reassured me as he caught my gaze.

"I don't doubt that Carlisle, not even for a moment. If I may ask one more favour. Could you give this to him, when the change is past its worst?" I handed him the small package I had collated. It wasn't much, just a few photos and a letter telling Edward who he was, who his parents were, where he lived, basic facts in case his memory was fuzzy. I didn't include myself because my past told me that he didn't know me before we met properly. I wasn't going to force my mystery onto him when he didn't need it.

The tingle surged, and I sighed deeply at its presence, part of me was looking forward to the fresh start it would bring.

"I wish I knew its cause." Carlisle pondered.

"Maybe one day you and I will find the reason," I replied with a smile. I stepped to pick up my bag from beside Edward's bed.

"I'll be seeing you, Carlisle, but until that day comes, adieu." I tipped my head slightly before I turned and I walked away, from everything. With each step I faded and looked ahead to the future that awaited me, until my heart stopped beating.


	45. Chapter 44

**A/N: Wow! We're so close to the 400 mark, it's unbelievable! I don't usually do this but I thought it might be interesting. Basically there are a million POVs that aren't shown in here, whether it's Carlisle's during his and Edward's conversation (remember chapter 29?) Or even Edward's during that conversation. You get the idea.**

**Anyway I figured, if you wanted, you could send me a POV request in a message and when this story hits the 400 mark I'll post up the POV that's been chosen. It'll be a separate story so that you don't have to read it if you don't want to, but I thought it'd be interesting to see which POV you'd be interested in.**

**Right on with the story. This has been written a long time, hope you like it.**

I felt my body still from the tingle's rush, and I took a moment to soak up the subdued feeling that saturated me. I had left my Edward, but somehow I didn't feel the need to grieve or break down in tears. Not in this moment. There was something akin to contentment or acceptance that ran through my veins, instead of the denial and sadness I had expected. Perhaps it was waiting in the shadows, or maybe it would never come because I had truly accepted Edward's death along with that of Elizabeth and Edward Senior. I had known all along that I wouldn't be allowed to stay with them forever and that at some point they would die. So maybe I wouldn't feel the pain I had half expected when I left Edward to Carlisle's capable hands.

I sighed and opened my eyes to a darkened bedroom. Even in the dim night's light the bedroom seemed luxurious. Satin sheets shimmered and a slit of light from the door bounced off a crystalline vanity set and mirror.

The faint sounds of a party echoed up the stairs, and I felt an itch of excitement build in me.

I wanted to go to the party, to dance, talk and socialise like Edward and I had so many times during our mortal relationship. Deep down I knew that really I just wanted to be surrounded by people in this time. I felt it was something I needed to do, but in reality it was just something I wanted.

With my decision made, I dropped my bag to the floor and flicked on the small lamp that sat on the vanity. Its warm light bathed the grand bedroom in a nice glow and illuminated the presence of a large ornate wardrobe at the far side of the bedroom.

I walked gleefully towards the pretty piece of furniture and opened the doors wide, registering the slight creak of the old wood moving against the hinges. I admired the masses of fabric in front of me, all different textures, colours and patterns. The owner of this collection enjoyed the chance to dress up, that much was clear from the extensive range of formal dresses. I could remember a time when such a sight would have stunned me. I would have spent hours fawning over the luxurious outfits, but not now. Edward had bought me far too many pretty things for me to be shocked by this collection. I glanced mournfully at my bag knowing that only a few of his gifts were stashed within.

I thumbed through the styles and colours, but there was really only one garment that caught my eye, so I pulled it free from the bursting wardrobe.

The ebony silk of the full length dress swirled in the air as I spun it from its hiding place. I watched happily as it fluttered back to a state of stillness, although the light caused the dress's surface to look as if it rippled.

I didn't waste any time before removing all my clothes and slipping the exquisite dress over my slim frame. The bias cut meant that it sat perfectly on my every curve, tracing my slender body shape down to just below my hips, before it flared out gently into a pooled trail at my feet. I travelled across the room with the silk slipping over the thick gold carpet and stopped in front of a full length mirror. I turned my body to view the dress from different angles and smiled at the way it highlighted my best features. The neckline was a subtle V that plunged to skim my well developed cleavage, and the back dipped lowly until finishing with a simple bow just above my rear, showcasing a soft expanse of my creamy skin. All in all, the dress was perfect and the strong black formed a pleasing contrast against my porcelain skin and pale blonde hair.

I reached for my bag and rummaged through until I found the makeup set that Casey had 'gifted' to me all those years ago. I slicked on the hardly used mascara and smiled as my eyelashes blackened and curled towards the sky. Next were a few dabs of ruby red lip balm to complete my simple look. I twirled as I looked upon my reflection. I had never liked to wear a lot of makeup, but I knew that Edward had always loved the cherry flavoured lip balm and the way it tasted on my skin. I blushed when I thought of the memories of our kisses and stroked Elizabeth's ring on my engagement finger where it sat beside my eternity ring.

We had come so close to being each other's completely, but yet again fate had stopped that from ever happening.

I dropped that unhappy thought. Instead, I picked up a brush that sat on the vanity, running it through my silky locks to leave them in a mass of waves falling down my back.

I did one last check over my appearance before pinching a pair of black heels from the wardrobe and sliding them on to my feet. They would lengthen my already taller than average height of 5 ft 6 to a graceful 5 ft 9. I smiled as I looked into the mirror for a final time. I could almost hear Edward's voice telling me that I looked like an angel, and if I closed my eyes I could feel his lips brush a kiss against my hand.

I missed him terribly, but I knew I had no choice but to focus on accepting his absence from my life. Let our history together rest in peace, because there was no space for me now in his life. I had occupied every crevice of time that I could. I had been lucky enough to have been gifted those last precious moments of his human life, but now I had to deal with the fact that I couldn't ever be his again. It would be too much of a risk to try and squeeze myself into anymore of his human life, and his later vampire life was saturated with Isabella. So, as I stood in my black dress, I realised that this party was really the wake for the funeral of mine and Edward's relationship. This was the chance for the closure and celebration that our relationship deserved.

I flicked off the lamp and picked up my bag. I would just have to find a safe place to hide it whilst I was gone.

My heels echoed softly on the marble floors as I found my way downstairs by the large central staircase. An urn caught my attention, and I swiftly stashed my bag in the dark corner before straightening myself out and heading towards the sound of the music and happy chatter.

My eyes soaked up the decor of the house as I walked the length of the hallway. The walls were painted in an off white with gold leaf creating panels to highlight the many extravagant portraits and landscapes. The marble floor gleamed and statues were dotted about in a fashionable manner. To many it would have been a house of stature and high society, but to me it reeked of arrogance and pretension. Instead of reflecting an owner of high society I just saw a family trying to be of more importance or wealth than they actually were. They were trying too hard to impress, and I personally found that to be an undesirable trait.

Eventually, I came to a large set of solid wood doors with shining brass handles set in their centres. As I reached for one to open the door a man stopped me and bowed gently.

"Please, allow me madam," he said with a courteous expression. He was trying to be professional as if I was someone of real importance. If only he knew that I was once a girl who had spent time in an insane asylum and had wandered around a town without shoes on whilst people emptied their chamber pots out the windows. I grinned at my thoughts and gave him a polite nod as he opened the door to reveal society in all its finery.

Before me was a sight of a few hundred people all embracing the luxury that came with being part of the 'upper class' world. I felt butterflies spring to life in my stomach but squashed them and instead obtained a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. I had been so used to attending these events with Edward, and somehow, even though I stood alone, the presence of his mother's engagement ring acted as a way for me to feel him with me. I could almost feel his palm pressed at the base of my back as if he was really here.

I circulated gracefully as intrigued eyes settled on me. In time, a conversation caught my attention, and I joined a small group of people.

"Well, I can't believe what society has come to. Can you imagine such a thing happening in our younger days of 1910? This world has been lost to idealists and it's all the fault of that wretched plague." a woman said as she liberally sipped her champagne.

"I think I would have to disagree, Madam, for I much prefer this society to the repressive times of the early 1900's. It's a much better situation to allow people the freedom of choice and the ability to dream." I cut in, and the group turned to look me over. The women didn't even bother to hide their envy at my youthful figure and appearance while the men looked on in interest.

"And who, may I ask, are you, Child?" the champagne drinker asked.

"I do apologise, I'm Sarelle Masen," I answered, and I didn't feel any guilt at using Edward's last name. To me, it felt right to have our names joined. It was how it would have been, and in my eyes how it always was ever since we met. I was Edward Masen's completely even if I couldn't ever truly be Edward Cullen's.

I offered my hand for the group to shake, but neither of the women took it, although their male companion shook my hand warmly while smiling in appreciation.

Of course, I was the pretty young thing in their eyes, the perfect remedy to their wives faults and flaws caused by excessive drinking, smoking, and luxury. Each of the middle aged women in this group had their face plastered in makeup hoping to hide the signs of aging while their dresses where designed to cover up the sagging skin and extra pounds. I should have felt sorry for them, that their husbands no longer found them as desirable, but I couldn't find any sympathy in me. They'd had an easy life and it showed on their features, whereas I had worked hard and endured situations that many would never have coped with. It was because of these things that I had learnt principles, discipline, and appreciation that had aided me in maintaining who I was. I had battled through life's hardships, so therefore I reasoned that I deserved to reap the benefits of a few admiring glances.

A woman with a cigarette took a long drag before blowing the smoke in my face and tipping the ash so that it fell on to my dress. I merely gave her a look to show that I acknowledged her childish behaviour and then turned to the man who was forming a reply to my comment.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms Masen. I'm Thomas Wainwright, and this is Ida my wife, and my sister, Ethel. I have to say that I think I would have to agree with you, although surely one as young as yourself could not have experienced those times." The man spoke with a warm voice, and his grey eyes twinkled at me as he effectively conspired against the other women in his group in favour of me. His peppered dark hair was combed back into a gentlemanly style, and I smiled at him for his comment.

"No, Mr Wainwright, I haven't experienced them myself, but I love to read, and history books can tell you so much." The woman with the cigarette sneered with her nose in the air at what I had said.

"I think it's a terrible thing for young ladies to read so much. It only builds a ghastly ambition that is never very attractive in marriage. Wouldn't you agree, Ethel?" Ida said to her champagne glugging friend.

"Yes, truly a terrible thing," Ethel said as she switched her empty champagne glass for a refill. I watched as her willowy figure wobbled slightly and her sludgy grey eyes blurred with delight at her new alcoholic acquisition.

I brought my posture up to a confident stance and smiled politely at the women. I wouldn't bring myself down to their level of petty social games. I had more class than that. They may have considered themselves of high society but my parents had always taught me that class was not something you were born into but something you acquired through social manners and etiquette. These women showed none of these things, instead they obviously judged themselves as high class, just because they had the ability to own expensive things, and socialise with people of similar taste.

"Well ladies. I think my fiancée would disagree. He seems to enjoy that I am able to hold an intelligent conversation on more topics than fashion and gossip. Then again, perhaps his love of intellect is purely due him being a lawyer." I flashed my engagement ring and felt a smug sense of satisfaction when the women couldn't help but gawp at the dazzling diamond as it sparkled in the light.

Their wonder soon turned sour, and Ida swept a stray piece of greying auburn hair back into her twist whilst her flat mud coloured eyes took on a look of dislike.

"So it would seem the Hales aren't the only fools using their simple daughter as a means of gaining status in society." She sniffed, and Ethel smirked at her friend as if she had landed a flawless insult. Little did they know that I couldn't have cared less what they thought of me. I wasn't the same little girl I had been, the girl who was too quiet to speak up or rise to a challenge.

"I do hope you're not talking of my dear friend Rosalie Hale, because I'm sure she wouldn't be too pleased to hear such things being said of her. She would probably have you thrown out, and what an awful scandal that would be." I smiled sweetly, and the two women balked at my comment while Mr Wainwright chuckled at my devious behaviour. His eyes locked on me for a second, and I allowed him one lustful glance. After all, he had to spend the rest of the night with this pair. Plus, what harm could it do to let him look upon me and imagine 'what if'. It's not like I would allow anything to happen and a wedding ring on his finger told me he was married.

_Ashton was married..._A sly voice echoed through my mind. I caught the gasp before it came to the surface, but I couldn't stop the pretty crystal glass as it slipped from my fingers due to my numbed state.

I hadn't thought about Ashton in so long. I had purposefully blocked the memory of that horrible night in Texas along with the night of Rosalie's attack, but now as I stood in a crowded room it all came flooding back to me in vivid colour. The pain and terror I had felt when he had pinned his weight against me. The screams I had tried to call out that had been caught in my throat by his rough hand wrapped aggressively around my neck. The shame I had felt that he was strong enough to harm me and all I could do was struggle fruitlessly against his hard muscled body.

Every painfully clear moment replayed in my mind, and I felt my hands shake as I dropped to the floor to clean up the mess I had made.

How was it that I had lasted so long without falling apart when it was obvious that the strength of the memory hadn't faded?

As I picked at the shards of glass I knew why. I'd had Edward with me, human or otherwise, he had been with me and like my own little ray of sunshine he had kept the storm clouds at bay.

He wasn't here with me now and he never would be. I was going to have to find some kind of shield to protect myself from the onslaught that my memories threatened me with. Find something that would act as an umbrella whilst the storm raged around me, just until it settled and I found something that resembled a peaceful day. I just had to survive on my own for a while before a time came when I could look inside myself and not feel the after effects of that night with Ashton along with Royce and his fiends.

I had to admit to myself that I was a victim and deal with the emotions that came with that, because even though I was a victim that didn't mean I was weak. In no way was I weak.

I sniffed back the tears that had built and continued to pick at the glittering pieces of glass while Ethel and Ida whispered above me. They were probably switching between being shocked that I had done such an outrageously shameful thing as to attract attention to myself through my mistake, to the disbelief that I was actually crouched down and was cleaning up my own mess instead of leaving it for the staff to do.

I felt another presence near my mini disaster sight and sighed when I saw white gloves help me with my task.

"Thank you, I'm so sorry. I can be so clumsy," I mumbled, and I heard a light chuckle.

"It's not a problem, Madam." I looked up to smile at the waiter as he grinned at me, his chocolate brown eyes twinkling in his rounded face.

I wished I could only see a kind man, but instead I saw Bella's eyes mirrored in a foreign face.

The shock of the similarity caused my finger to slip and impale itself on a shard of glass. The pin prick pain was instantaneous and I looked down to see the first blob of blood oozing out around the glass shard.

"Shoot!" I muttered and plucked the glass from my skin before sucking on my wound.

"Here, Madam, take this and clean it up in the bathroom." The waiter offered me a tissue. I took it thankfully before rushing off out the room.

I paused outside and turned towards the doorman, raising my finger as a way of silent question.

"Down the hallway, first door on your left," he said smiling before returning to his prior straight posture.

My heels clattered down the hallway towards the bathroom, or as it had suddenly become in my head, my sanctuary.

I needed some time to collect my thoughts and clear them from my head. I didn't want to deal with Edward and Bella right now. I couldn't do it, especially not when I was surrounded by people.

I just wanted to enjoy this night for what it was, a party.

Ten minutes later I found myself back inside the party with the door closing behind me. This time I didn't feel like I had entered unnoticed, instead I felt someone's eyes on me. They raised the hairs on the back of my neck in anticipation.

My heart pounded as I registered the air swirling slightly behind me, signalling movement.

"Good evening," As soon as I heard that voice I melted and a smile spread across my face.

How could I have missed his presence here?

How did I not notice him as I circulated through the room?

I turned slowly and was met by a set of glorious amber eyes that made my skin grow warm under their stare. I found myself stunned by his beauty, even though I had admired it so many times before. It seemed that after loving his human form for so long, I was now even more attuned to the perfecting effects that the venom had on his already handsome features. His skin had lost its slightly flushed complexion, and his hair had gained another brilliant dimension causing the bronze to shine with a new complexity of colour. Even the basic shape of his bone structure had been strengthened to create a deliciously strong jaw line. I gently bit my lip when I remembered the times I had kissed my human Edward, and how much I had loved that place where his jaw ended just below his ear. My lips nearly ached to do the same now, but I held myself back by fiddling with the eternity ring on my finger.

"Hello," I said, and I couldn't deny the happiness that laced my voice. My vampire was here and suddenly all the troubles that had flooded me just a few minutes ago seemed distant and forgotten. The nightmares couldn't hurt me now that Edward was by my side.

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Edward Cullen," he said and dipped his head in a polite bow just as he had when he was human. His eyes were flickering over me, and I tensed slightly when he set upon the injury on my finger. My blood had always had an effect on him, and I was proud to see that even though he was still a young vampire, his eyes only darkened a fraction. He was still in control of himself, so I continued our conversation.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Edward," I said and gently bent my body in a slight curtsy.

We stood staring at each other for a few moments. I saw Edward's eyes show the agitation of not being able to read my mind. I knew it frustrated him, but I couldn't help but find humour in his cute confused expression.

"Will you not tell me your name?" Edward said sternly. I grinned knowing that I was proving to be a puzzle to him. He was always one step ahead when we were together in Belmore, Washington. It was nice that this time the tables had turned, and it was me with knowledge whilst he stood trying to figure me out.

"I will. Later," I said in a nonchalant tone. To him later would mean later in the night, but to me it was later in his lifetime. Twenty years later to be exact. When he would stand next to me in the music section of the Belmore library and our baffling love story would begin.

"So, Edward, why, may I ask, are we standing in dark corners when there is dancing and socialising to be enjoyed?" I gave him a look slightly over my shoulder and briefly caught his concentrated stare before he feigned indifference.

"I don't enjoy this kind of company. I am merely here as a social obligation," he said, and his voice showed his boredom. I thought it a shame that he couldn't find some enjoyment in being here but really it just pleased me that my Edward was still present in this new vampire form. We stood looking out over the dance floor. I couldn't stop the grin that broke out on my face when I saw Carlisle and Esme sitting side by side across the hall. I raised my hand slightly to give a small wave at Carlisle and he nodded in reply before turning to Esme, whisking her away to enjoy the classical waltz that played out.

I was beaming with happiness as I watched Carlisle with his loving wife, so I couldn't help the playful tone from entering my voice as I replied, "how will you ever endure the torture of dancing and laughing?"

"I've known worse," Edward said in a voice so quiet I couldn't be sure if I was meant to hear.

As much as I would have loved to have stayed with him, I knew the more time I spent in his presence the more I would be tempted to spill out all my secrets and wipe off that frustrated frown that caused a small pucker to form in between his eyebrows.

"Well, this has been delightful, Edward, but I was rather hoping I would get a chance to talk with the infamous Rosalie Hale. I'm determined to prove she isn't as vain as others say," I said as I turned to weave my way through the crowd, hiding in amongst their bodies away from the exquisite vampire that unfortunately still pulled at my heartstrings.

I spent the next couple of hours wandering through the best of society, making conversation or dancing with men that were either sweetly brave enough to ask, or arrogant enough to ignore the sparkling diamond on my finger.

All the while Edward and I indulged in something that became like a game. His eyes never left me as I passed around the room, and I felt a thrill knowing that I was the centre of his attention, even if it was only due to my tempting scent and silent mind. It may not have been romantic, but I still loved having his gaze on me and I would return it with a few coy glances of my own. It was as if I was living in a new persona, like an alter ego had taken me over for this night. I had a new confidence that may have been false at first but had developed into something real- if not temporary. I couldn't guess when it would falter, but I knew I would be left to deal with the inevitable fall from my new happy height.

Throughout the night, since mine and Edward's meeting, I had been soaring on the buzz he had given me. I knew that eventually I would have to give it up, purely because the tingle still chased me like electricity running in the air.

Sooner or later, I would have to leave my vampire and deal with the cold hard fact that life with him in it, no matter what the form, was over.

However that was eventually, not now. I didn't have to deal with that problem until the tingle told me otherwise.

Edward wasn't the only one who I wanted to talk to along with Carlisle and Esme. There was also Rosalie.

I knew I couldn't warn her about Royce because that would alter the future far too drastically. That is if she would even have believed me, or if I could get close enough.

As it was I had spent the whole night only seeing her from a distance, which in truth was probably for the best since I was in her dress. I had hoped to talk with her and learn a little bit more about the human version of Rosalie because as a vampire she had always been the least willing to let go of her past life and dreams. Even though all the Cullen's had their own regrets and pain over their new way of life, it was Rosalie that held onto that pain more than the others. I just wanted to see why she missed being the girl that danced in front of me.

She was certainly a beautiful human, but she was so much more than that as a vampire, and she was immortal so she wouldn't have the pain of losing her looks as she aged.

I knew that really it wasn't the aesthetics of her life that she hated; it was what it had taken away from her. The chance of a child and a conventional family, because beneath all the vanity she just wanted what every other girl wanted, a happily ever after with the man of her dreams and a family to love.

Rosalie only had half of that and would only ever have half of that.

I sighed as I watched her human version smile politely at the party guests. Her vibrant red dress showed off her golden hair and rich blue eyes perfectly. She truly was a beauty. The only fault that marred that was that she knew she was.

Even from watching her from across the room I could see that she was vain, but in a way she had a right to be. Every man watched her in favour of their wife and every woman looked upon her with envy, just as Ethel and Ida had with me.

For the brief moment when her eyes caught mine watching her she didn't show surprise or embarrassment, instead she showed understanding and expectation. She knew she was the centre of attention tonight and she revelled in it.

I tore my eyes away from her and searched the room for the three other people I wanted to be with. For the first time in the night Edward's eyes weren't fixed on me. I sat down to watch him and Esme as they gracefully twirled through the dancing crowd, putting even the finest dancers to shame.

A chair shifted next to me and with it came the barely there scent of fresh sea water and mint.

"Hello, Carlisle." I smiled and glanced to see him take a seat beside me. He looked exquisitely handsome in his simple white tuxedo and black bow tie. However, I would never see him as anything other than my Carlisle from London, dressed in a simple, rough linen smock top and trousers.

"It seems you have captured Edward's attention tonight," he said in hushed tones that I strained to hear. I knew why he spoke this way, Edward was no doubt listening in our conversation and Carlisle would know I didn't want too much revealed to him.

I gave Carlisle a grin as my answer and briefly pondered how he managed to keep my existence from Edward - given his ability. I knew it didn't really matter how, the only thing that matter was that Edward didn't know who I was yet. It wouldn't do him any good, even if it was something that I wanted badly.

"It's rather disconcerting, seeing you like this, but you seem well." Carlisle watched my face for any signs that my happy exterior was just a mask. He smiled slightly when he didn't find any cracks.

They weren't visible right now, but I knew that something was building in me that would shatter me into pieces if I didn't think of a way to handle this love I felt for Edward properly.

"I'm happy, Carlisle, just as you and Esme seem to be." He nodded, and I placed a hand lightly on his own.

"I'm glad, Carlisle. You deserve happiness." I removed my hand and giggled as I saw Edward dip Esme and she blew a kiss through the air to Carlisle. They were so in love, it was sweet to see. I knew Esme had suffered a great loss but she showed none of that hurt on her surface, she was just a woman hopelessly in love with a man.

"Thank you. I worried, when you left, as to how you would react to the outcome of our conversation that evening in February. The night of your engagement."

"You shouldn't worry, Carlisle. It was a shock, that I'll admit, but that was all. I'm not scared or sad. I'm ready when the moment comes." I breathed deeply once I finished my words. My death was just another fact of my life that I had accepted; maybe I even welcomed it on some level. Of course I would never tell that to Carlisle, or anyone. It wasn't a feeling I was proud of.

"I have something to ask you, though I understand it may be a difficult or sensitive question to answer." Carlisle made a point of not using my name and I saw Edward shoot a slightly disapproving glance at Carlisle, only to gain a chuckle at his frustration.

"Feel free to ask me anything. I'll try my best to answer it," I said and turned to watch as Carlisle's eyes settled on me.

"When will it next be?" His voice was back to being hushed and near silent.

I looked at Edward as he finished his dance with Esme. Carlisle's voice ran through my head and my mind answered..._too long._

"I don't know my own future, Carlisle, but my past tells me it will be twenty years, give or take." I sighed as I finished my muted whisper. Carlisle nodded and we both turned to greet Edward and Esme as they joined our group, Esme's emerald green dress swirling around her feet.

"You're a good dancer, Edward," I complimented as Esme settled herself next to Carlisle.

"Thank you, but dancing is easy when you're with someone such as Esme." Edward smiled and Esme chuckled.

"He's such a charmer," she said before placing a loving kiss on Carlisle's cheek.

"I would have to agree with Edward, Esme. He would be truly inept if it wasn't for you," I grinned, and Esme laughed at my teasing.

Edward looked down at me and his eyes held a battle ground of emotion most of which I couldn't decipher.

"Are you suggesting that I cannot dance?" The conflict cleared to leave his eyes to dance at his fun tone. I wondered how long it had been since he had any interaction with humans by choice.

"Well, I certainly cannot judge you fairly because I cannot compare you to my other dance partners of the night. However, you, yourself, insinuated that you needed Esme to enable yourself to dance so well." Carlisle chuckled at my comment, and I saw Esme looking between me and Edward excitedly. Of course she would be thrilled to see her newly adopted son sharing a light hearted conversation with a girl. I could just imagine the scenes running through her mind, courtship, happy faces, wedding chimes.

"I cannot have you holding such an opinion, so perhaps you would like to dance and garner a more informed judgement." Edward extended his hand. I was surprised he would encourage such a reckless act that would mean me coming in contact with his skin.

"Are you sure you can endure the torture of another dance?" I smirked and hoped Edward would see the hidden meaning behind my words. I wanted to give him a chance to escape if he wanted to. I didn't want to force him into doing something that he had only offered to do due to a spur of the moment decision.

Edward seemed to have a swift moment of contemplation that would have been unnoticeable to anyone who didn't know him, but after that moment he smiled my favourite crooked smile and nodded.

"I'm sure I'll survive." With that said he lightly grasped my hand and led us both into the centre of dance floor.

He brought my hand up to rest on his shoulder and my other in his hand. I registered the careful way in which he lightly placed his hand at my waist, causing my skin to almost shiver at the wonderful, cool, silken texture.

I looked into his eyes and focussed my mind on staying silent, pulling every thought away from my minds surface. I knew that he would be able to hear me now, and I didn't want to scare him with the intensity of my feelings or the strange memories that hid in my mind.

As the music started we swayed gracefully around the other couples. I let myself melt completely into the moment and moved elegantly as Edward twirled and moved us on the dance floor.

"You still haven't told me you name," he said as he dipped me sensuously, my waves spilling out towards the floor and my neck stretching out before him.

I heard his breath hitch and his body tense slightly before he lightly ran a feather like touch down the smooth column of skin, showing his fascination with my pulsing jugular.

My mind was just a haze and I lost my grip on my thoughts.

_Sarelle..._ My mind whispered, and I bit my lip as Edward brought us back up to dance.

"Sarelle... that seems so familiar..." he said, and I locked my eyes in his for a moment as he searched for the reason why.

I wanted him to know me, so much so that it was a physical ache in my throat as if the words were fighting their way out. I knew it was wrong to want such a thing but it felt so right to be in Edward's arms and have him understand that he never had to hide anything from me. I wanted him to know that I knew every one of his secrets and I loved him _for_ them, not in spite of them, even if the desire was wrong to feel.

"Edward, I didn't tell you that, and it's unfair of you to cheat," I whispered and felt him tense in panic.

We stopped dead on the dance floor and Edward released me as if I burned his skin. I watched as he frantically turned to Carlisle and searched his mind for answers.

I didn't know what he found but whatever it was stopped him from running out the door.

"What are you? How do you know these things?" he hissed, and I shrunk away slightly from the angry confusion in his voice.

I wanted to tell him, but as I opened my mouth the tingle surged through me and my words died in my throat.

I looked at the clock so that I would know the time when I jumped and saw the hands just a few minutes away from midnight.

"It would seem I'm to be Cinderella tonight," I sighed and quickly turned to run from the room. I had to get to my bag and away from the prying eyes of the party. My magical night had come to an end, and now I had to accept the tingle and let it bring whatever new day it wanted to.

I whispered an apology to Carlisle as I passed him and burst through the heavy wooden doors to the freedom of the corridor.

My shoes made steady echoes as I ran down the hallway straight to my bag, making sure everything was as it should be.

It wasn't long before I heard the door shut again with a loud resounding thud, and within seconds I could see his perfectly polished black shoes in my eye line.

I dragged my eyes up over his black and white suit; soaking up every beautiful inch of him because I knew this time I had to truly let him go.

I couldn't just say goodbye, I had to let Edward Cullen go completely.

When I thought about it I had always been holding onto him, even when I was completely in love with Edward Masen. I had thought they were the same person just in a different form but really they weren't.

Edward Masen was mine and mine alone. Edward Cullen may have once been a part of my life but there was no more space for me in his life anymore. He was Bella's and would be for the rest of eternity. I had to accept that and release the part of me that wanted him, the part that looked at him and craved his touch or amber eyes upon my skin.

I looked him in the eyes and felt the first few trickles of calm pass through me. It was just a glimpse of what was at the other side of this decision, because once I let go of that part of my past I could truly look forward to the future. I wouldn't constantly be looking back and dreaming about when I would next meet my vampire again. I wouldn't be inflicting that kind of painful hope on myself.

I wanted the calm and contentment of knowing that there was a true ending, just as I had my true ending with my human Edward.

I sighed and reached to the ring from my finger, leaving my eternity ring alone. Life with Edward Masen may have given me the trinkets, but they were Edward Cullen's to have because they were the link to the memory of his parents that he would need so much. It hurt to think, but I knew it made sense that he needed the memories of his family and childhood more than he would need the memory of me.

I had just been a small feature in his life, just a love that had lasted a few short months. That wasn't worth as much as a lifetime of memories about walks in the park or happy duets with his father.

I held out the ring and dropped it into Edward's waiting hand.

He looked at me with a burning confusion in his intense gaze and I smiled slightly.

"You know me," he said it as a statement but his whole being showed it was a question. It hurt to truly know that he had no recollection of me, but then again that was for the best. This memory alone would be enough to agitate him. If I had been more aware then I would never have indulged myself in his company. I was no better than the floozy girls that tempted and teased a man by dancing and talking with him, only to leave him at the end of the night with nothing more than a memory.

I felt the tingle racing on my skin and looked down to my left hand as it started to get eaten away into invisibility. My right held my bag firmly and I smiled weakly at Edward as he looked on in shock.

I stared into his eyes and whispered, "I loved you."

Then I faded from sight into the wonderful adventure of the unknown future.

**A/N: So Sarelle's finally getting some closure, moving on. What did you think of her interaction with Edward?**

**Do you think her way of thinking about her own death is a good thing or a bad thing?**

**Thanks for reading.**

**x**


	46. Chapter 45

******Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Keep any POV requests coming. I've already received a few and I've got some ideas but I'd love to get a few more from people. Really it could be anyone, it could even be little Edward Masen, or Aslo, or ...Maybe some insight into Katelyn from DeSoto. Absolutely anyone :)**

**Happy reading**

**x**

_Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it. – Kathleen Casey Theisen_

When my body stilled I didn't have to adjust myself to my emotions. When I opened my eyes I knew I didn't have to discover this place. I knew exactly where I was, and somehow I just knew why I was here.

Like the time when fate had lead me to Carlisle in the forests of Tennessee, or to the party in Rochester. The same feeling was settled in me now, and I didn't have to think when I stashed my bag behind the same rose bush that I had those few months ago. It had been the late day of autumn that day, I could remember how the pale sunshine had rippled off the duck pond and the grass was a luscious green due to the mix of Chicago summer rain and sun. It sat in fresh contrast against the earthy hues of the fall leaves - emerald and bronze, such familiar colours to me.

From the dusky light of day I sensed it was the early hours of the morning. Dew drops rested on the blades making them glistening in the early morning light, like diamonds scattered in the rough. I knew it was the tender days of spring. I recognised the way the air was whipped up into a blustery wind, like it had been those months with Edward when we would walk in the park. The soft force of the wind, and the strokes of it against the pond, created a series of shimmering ripples racing across its surface. The sky wasn't patches of blue and white as it had been when I last left here (just a day gone yesterday); instead it was a steady blanket of fluffy grey, no sun peeping out to light my face.

The Park of Chicago in early spring was just as pretty as it always had been, but now it didn't shine with the excitement of seeing Edward. There was no part of me that felt the need to rush to his house and soak him up with my eyes. I knew the answer as to why I didn't feel any of this. He wasn't a part of this place anymore. He wasn't a part of me. I had given that part away to his immortal self and was left with the other half of me that had loved my mortal version of him, the mortal version that had died at the tender age of seventeen. The same age as me, even though he was tricked into believing otherwise.

I stepped out from behind the rose bush and picked a pink bud as I went. As I stepped out from my comforting thicket I felt the wind dance with my black satin gown, pulling it up into the air and then letting it flutter to the ground in twisting and turning motions. My hair followed the same path as I walked calmly across the park.

I had partly expected myself to crack under the weight of loss. After all, I had lost a part of me that had been so important, but I knew that losing that part to my vampire was the right thing to do. It left space for me to properly grieve the death of the man that was mine, and mine alone. I couldn't properly miss Edward Anthony Masen when his immortal replica continued to show up and claim me as his. My human boy didn't deserve to be forgotten just because his venom improved version kept me trapped in his golden gaze. So when I left that part of me in Edward Cullen's open palms along with the diamond ring and charm bracelet, I let myself open up to the grief I was due to feel.

I left myself open to be Edward Masen's completely and irrevocably.

As my mind started to peep out from its protective shell I felt the first onslaughts of the pain I had expected. The grief was seeping through me, and I felt my steps start to slow as I exited the park and turned towards my final destination.

I was happy to know that it was the early hours of the morning because then I wouldn't be accosted by any of the curious eyes of passers-by. They would surely question why I walked in such a sorrowful state with an ebony dress of satin coating my body and black heels upon my feet, and I had no wish to stop and explain.

How fitting that I was a widow dressed in black, perhaps that had been fate's cruel plan when it directed my eyes upon the dress in the wardrobe. Maybe it was already written that I would have to face this impossible task, the task of letting go of Edward completely. Not just giving away a half of me that loved an impossibility but also the part of me that loved a past memory. I had to let go of the last half that loved Edward Masen. I had to accept he was dead and there wasn't his immortal version to love.

A tear trailed down my cheek and I felt the ache starting to build in my chest as I seemed to glide through the streets.

Why didn't I just tell Carlisle to change me? I could have changed a whole future. I could have been with Edward from his very birth into that new life. I could have had him forever, and I wouldn't have had to feel like this. What hopeful thoughts...But I knew they showed a false future. If I had asked Carlisle to change me, there would be no way it would have worked. I could have died—though I don't find that a particularly dreadful possibility—or I could have been changed. But if I had been changed what would happen because of it? Carlisle had already told me in Belmore that my body would be overly charged with electricity, so would I jump? Yes that would seem likely. Of course that would be a worse fate than dying. I would be a vampire, stuck, alone in the world. I could have arrived in a time centuries apart from Edward. How would I have coped with that? Having to walk the earth alone and wait for a moment when I could see Edward again. There was always the chance he would find Bella first and I would be stuck in the same situation I had always been. No, begging Carlisle to change me would not have been the right decision, no matter how rosy it seems on the surface.

With every step my grief built due to the fact that my plan was gradually becoming a reality.

But it was necessary. I knew that. I had to endure the agony of heartbreak before I would be able to go on and learn to live and love again.

After the first time I loved and lost my vampire, I built a suit of armour, a mask to hide myself from the world. I wore it diligently because it was so strong, so invulnerable. It kept me safe from everything, the pain, the hurt, but it also kept me away from feeling. I was numb, uncomfortably so.

Then Edward Masen came along and with every day I felt my guard being let down. I was vulnerable to the pain and despair, but I was open to feel. I could feel that love that was so perfect, so beautiful. But like all good things it was a double edged sword. One side so sharp and sweet, so clear of worry, so full of love. While the other was so deadly with confusion, dull and blunt with pessimistic thoughts.

The two sides were in perfect balance and met at the point. It was a double edged sword, and it was the only thing to pierce through the armour - through the stubborn mind, the weary soul, and the hesitant heart. But as it did, it tore a hole. The sharpest side sliced through without pain, while the blunt side which would bring it in bucket loads. And now that it had, it was excruciating, the pain seemed unreal and the suffering was so great. The blunt side would be what left a lasting wound on the mind, the soul, the heart. Ever-present and irreparable.

It's a kind of pain that doesn't kill but instead lets you live with it. It lies dormant and tricks you into believing it's finally cured but it is this trickery that is its method of wicked games. Its dormancy only makes its awakening all the more hurtful.

However, through all the doubt and suffering, it's undeniable that the love was worth it. The love that was so perfect and beautiful in all its temporality. It was worth the pain, it was worth the death of me. It was worth losing everything if that was the price that had to be paid, even if it meant losing Edward.

Now though... It didn't matter that the love was perfect, or beautiful, I wouldn't have any ghost-like memories haunting me with what ifs. I wouldn't look at my future and think, what if I see Edward again and he still hasn't met Bella? What if I could have a few more years with him?

I wouldn't do it, not anymore. I had endured it once, now twice, I wouldn't submit myself to it a third time. There was no such thing as 'third time's a charm' in this situation.

My feet stuttered on the pavement as I passed over the boundary of the place I was being led to, solely by my gut feeling and instinctive need for finality and acceptance.

No cobbles were beneath my feet now; instead I crunched through white gravel as I weaved through this place.

I felt as if I was treading in the same way my life had travelled. So many twists had occurred in the road my life had taken. There was no second when I was travelling in a definite straight line. I found that I always had to tread with my head down at the ground to ensure I stayed on track. I didn't get the opportunity to relax and look straight ahead at my future life knowing that my path was always below my feet and travelling in a straight line towards that beautiful possibility on the horizon.

I never trusted myself to look ahead because I was certain as soon as I did I would find myself lost and stumbling on uncivilised ground. Just as if I took my head of the path now, I would be stuck walking on the muddy grass with pitfalls waiting to catch me out.

The pull within grew along with my aching heart. Silent tears left tracks on my face and a painful lump was growing in my throat as I tried desperately to stop the sounds of my grief from escaping.

Even though my heart ached for Edward I knew that was not the sole reason for my tears. Maybe it wasn't even part of the real reason at all. I had loved and lost before and that hadn't hurt as badly as this. For that thought alone I thought I understood why my limbs shook and my lips quivered. It was because I knew that from here on out I was alone. No matter who I met, or how close I became to them, I was never going to truly feel them as a part of me. I would never marry. I would never look down at my baby nestled in my arms. I would just exist and talk and laugh and that fact was so dark and desolate. So lonely.

I had to let go of Edward, the rock I had been clinging to, and that meant I would either have to always scrabble to find someone to cling to, of I would have to muster the courage to stand alone. Right now that idea seemed terrifying.

My feet slowed and eventually stopped in the place I desperately wanted to escape from but also wanted to cling to. It was the encapsulation of happy memories and unknown futures.

I brought my hand up to clutch my locket as my eyes dragged along the ground and up to their destination.

I sucked in a gasp as I looked up the object in front of me.

**Edward Anthony Masen Junior**

**Loving son of Edward and Elizabeth Masen**

'**Our brief partings on earth will appear one day as nothing beside the joy of eternity together.'**

**Born 1901**

**Died 1918**

A bitter laugh barked through me when I read the epitaph. It held the one thing I wanted but couldn't have.

I wondered if Carlisle had chosen those words as a sign to show me that all was well. The only problem was that he didn't know that they weren't really a sign of a new beginning to me; they were a description of the beginning of the end.

I wouldn't have an eternity with Edward.

I couldn't really blame Carlisle for the resentment the epitaph had instilled in me. He didn't know what Edward's future held, and I had never told him about Bella for Edward's sake. In Carlisle's eyes I was Edward's and when I saw this I would know to find him to continue where our human love had left off.

I sighed and melted to the ground in front of the gravestone, my gown billowing out around me.

"Oh Edward, I wish you were here. Or maybe I don't. I don't know anymore. I love you, I do, but I can't keep hurting myself like this. I guess it was worth the pain, being with you again, but no more. I'm finished, Edward. I'm done with wishing, chasing something that will never happen. Because I'm tired, my love. I'm so tired of having to pick myself back up. I love you, I probably always will, but I can't be _in_ love with you anymore. I won't do it to myself. That I promise."

As I placed my hand on the cold stone I saw the reason that this was necessary.

The gravestone was everything Edward was and would be. It was the symbol of his death and rebirth. His name may have been engraved on the stone and claimed it as Edward Masen but everything about it from the texture to the epitaph was a physical reminder of Edward Cullen.

With a sigh I looked down at the pen and paper that I had brought with me.

The paper was slightly scrunched in my grief tightened hand, and I smoothed it out lovingly as I edged my shaking hand to sign away the final part of me that kept me caught in limbo.

I had to properly resolve what I felt for Edward. Resolve it and leave it here, in this graveyard.

I had always loved him, but I couldn't lie and say that my love for him wasn't largely influenced for the love I had for his future immortal self. After all, I had fallen for the vampire before the human.

Just because I had these feelings didn't mean that I loved my human boy any less.

Because of this he deserved to have the proper ending that I had given to my vampire just hours before.

Resolution settled into me, and I placed the weighty silver pen on the crinkled page and started the last letter I could ever give him.

_My Dearest Edward,_

_I knew death chased us from the moment we met. It was a fact I had resigned myself to and happily ignored because you were everything I ever wanted. I didn't care that it would hurt to lose you because my love for you cancelled out the pain a thousand times over._

_You once said to me that 'love vanquishes time.'_

_Because of this I am certain in the fact that I will love you for eternity, even if I can't be with you to show it._

_So this is my final goodbye, the final step in the ladder, the last piece of our puzzle._

_I'll miss you, love._

_Forever yours,_

_Sarelle._

_xxx_

I folded the letter carefully and placed it behind the simple flower vase that held a wilted pink rose.

With steadying hands I removed the dying rose and replaced it with the fresh new bud that I had picked.

I hoped that someone would make sure my love's grave was never left with rotting flowers. His memory deserved more than that.

I took one last look at the resting piece of folded paper before rising from my place on the floor.

It was a strange feeling of rising from the ashes that filled me as I rose into the dim sunlight, its warmth hitting my east facing face.

As I turned away from the grave I didn't worry about the letter being taken away by the mild wind that blew. It wasn't a letter that needed to be delivered. It was just a vessel for me to pour myself into and leave behind.

It had done its job and as I walked back to the park I felt myself healing with every step.

My heart sealed up and this time it beat solely to keep me alive. It didn't ache for someone I couldn't have or missed too much.

Of course, I could still admire the memories I had of our relationship, but I didn't look back on them hoping that they could be more than what they were. Now I could look back and just be glad they happened.

The journey back to the park didn't take as long as it had taken to get there, maybe because I now felt like I was floating rather than being dragged somewhere against my hearts will. I didn't have the pain hanging over me anymore.

As I grasped my bag in my hand and looked out over the Chicago Park I smiled with a tranquil feeling saturating my body.

My body felt lighter, rejuvenated. For the first time in so long I felt like I wanted to spread my wings and fly. I felt like I was finally able to do such a thing.

I felt that there was enough strength in me to soar, to taste the sky, and finally feel alive again.

I finally had closure, complete and absolute, only time would tell if it was enough.

**A/N: OK closure complete. Time for Sarelle to have a few more adventures rather than having her life put on hold by 'if onlys'. I hope you can see why this had to happen, and also that you don't read it, freak out, and leave. I'd really like everyone to finish this story with me.**

**So if you have any questions, or just fancy sending me a message, feel free :)**


	47. Chapter 46

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Right this is long, as in it's almost double the length of my usual updates. Hope you like :)**

**Thank you to those of you who reviewed the last chapter and the people who let me know who they'd like to get some insight into with the different POV segment. I'm busy deciding which one to do, I'm hoping I'll be able to have it written and posted soon. :D**

**Happy reading.**

**x**

I was still sitting in the same place as I had jumped to, a small room packed full of pop culture, posters, music references, bands emblems, typical teenage paraphernalia, all crowding the white walls. It wasn't particularly large, in fact I felt like I recognised the proportions somehow.

My black dress spilled out across the indigo sheets as I sat gazing around me. The room held a certain smell, not unpleasant but not fresh either. It was faintly masculine and seeped off the sheets.

My breathing was finally steady and even, unlike the shaky breaths I had gasped for when I first jumped here. It seemed like only moments ago, but I knew it was more like hours. I had watched the sun drift across the sky and watched the shadows of the furniture lengthen and slide across the fake wood floor.

I dragged a hand across my face and through my hair, trying to wipe the tiredness from my mind. I hadn't slept in days, and it was a heavy weight on my mind. It made me look at the dark blue bed with longing, but I knew I couldn't risk falling asleep in a stranger's bed. Just as I knew I shouldn't have stayed here so long. It was a careless risk I had taken, and I wasn't sure how much longer it would pay off.

My answer was given when the door burst open.

"Oh!" I gasped and felt my body stiffen into an upright position, tensed to run although I had no clue where to. The unexpected visitor was blocking the door so I could hardly get out if I needed to.

"Holy shit!" the boy exclaimed, and I felt my eyes widen at his language. Emmett had been crude at times, but I had never been greeted with such a word.

"Crap, sorry. You just scared the hell out of me." The boy scratched the back of his neck, his oceanic blue eyes still wide. I rose quickly from the bed and stood awkwardly before him. My mind was dithering over what to do.

The teenager was taller than me, roughly six foot, with scruffy, waved, brown hair. It wasn't quite mahogany because of its natural highlights but it had the same tone.

"I'm so sorry. I know this must seem rather odd. I just needed somewhere to sit, and I was here, and, oh my, I'm so terribly sorry for intruding." I felt my voice shake slightly as I tried to take in the body language of the teenager before me. It was obvious it was his room, and I was desperately trying to understand how he felt about my presence in it.

"Did they put you up to this?" His expression became questioning as he watched me with sceptical eyes.

"Excuse me?"

"Johnny, Sam, and Zach. Did they put you up to this? You know, pay you or summit to...you know...help me with my...problem" I just stayed silent and tilted my head to the side in confusion.

"Oh fuck. I can't believe I just asked you that. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, you know, imply you're a...you know... It's just I was joking with them about this thing. Like how awesome it would be to...like, find a blonde in my bed, and I thought maybe they..." I felt a smile creep onto my face as I watched the boy's blush increase as his rambling continued.

He must have been around sixteen, or at least his lean build suggested he was, along with the lack of stubble on his face. If it wasn't for those things I may have thought him older, due to his height and mature face. However, he had warm, almost innocent, eyes and his actions spoke volumes. He clearly wasn't that experienced with talking to girls. It was obvious from the way he nervously stuck his hands in his pockets or scratched through his hair.

"What's your name?" I asked as I relaxed my body from the tensed position it had been in before.

"Dylan." I felt a smug smirk cross my lips as Dylan gulped slightly when I took a step towards him.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Dylan. I'm Sarelle."

"Oh trust me the pleasure's all mine... Sarelle" It seemed he had found his confident side. His gaze dripped down my figure, and I had to clear my throat when he licked his lips staring straight at my chest.

"My eyes are up here, Dylan." I chuckled at his harmless teenage behaviour; he mumbled a sorry before giving me a sheepish smile. If I could go along with whatever reason he had in his head for my appearance in his room, just a little while, then I could escape his confusion at my being here.

"You're seriously hot, how the hell did Sam find you?" I giggled at his compliment and took another step towards him, a step closer to the door.

"Where do _you_ think he found me?" I purred, glancing covertly at my bag that sat near his feet.

"Heaven?" he replied, a cocky smile on his face.

"Nice try." I gazed over him again, there was something so familiar about his blue eyes and dark hair, but I couldn't quite get a grasp on why. As I raked over the rest of his face I noticed his lips were similar to Bella's and Renée's, the top one being slightly larger than the bottom.

His chest puffed out and his lips formed a cheeky smile as he winked at me.

"You checkin' me out, Sarelle?" I smirked and bit my lip; it was a must to stay in the act. I had been taught by Rose and Alice how to flirt, tease, and seduce without ever really promising anything. It was a skill I had perfected. It wasn't really me but like Rose had said, sometimes you have to put on an act to bluff your way out of a bad situation. To diffuse this situation I had to create a different person, a different character to play. Like an actor's role in a film.

"How old are you, Dylan?" I swiftly changed the topic. Make my slip up seem like exactly that, a playful, teasing slip up. An act the man wasn't supposed to see, even though you did it on purpose.

"I'm sixteen."

"Is that so..." I hummed as I took another step towards him, standing only one step away from touching.

I noticed his chest breathing a little heavier and glanced up through my lashes at him before tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

"DYLAN!" A female voice bellowed up the stairs after the sound of the front door closing.

"Shit, Renée!" Dylan seemed to panic and dashed into his room frantically looking around as if looking for somewhere for me to hide. Meanwhile my face had exploded into a wide grin and my heart leapt at the realisation of where I was. When I looked upon the room with new eyes I recognised it as the room I had stayed in when I first jumped to Renée's house in Florida.

"He's up here, Renée!" I called down. I felt a smug smile grow on my face as Dylan gave me a shocked look. I heard the gasp downstairs, followed by thundering footsteps up the steps.

"It's been interesting talking to you, Dylan, but I'm actually a friend of your mother." I grinned and turned to crash into the arms of Renée. We held each other in a fierce hug, and I felt a free laugh bubble to the surface.

"Huh?" Dylan grunted behind me and Renée, switching between looking me over and looking at Renée.

"Dylan, sweetie, this is a friend of mine, Sarelle. Sarelle, this is my son Dylan."

"Yes, we've met." I winked at Dylan as he flushed beetroot and muttered some kind of profanity.

"I love that dress, the style is gorgeous." Renée said as we descended downstairs, leaving a dumbstruck Dylan in his room.

"It's 1930's, original." I smirked at Renée and she chuckled knowing exactly what I meant.

"You're looking well. All grown up." She looked over me, assessing my condition with probing eyes. I did the same and registered the differences in her features since the last time I had seen her. She must have been in her fifties but a young fifty.

Her hair was greying and her face had a few more lines than before. But underneath the signs of aging there was still the same youthful spirit as had always been there.

"It's April 10th, 2025. Can you believe it? I'm still living in the same place after nearly twenty years!" The house hadn't changed too much, other than even more clutter and different colours decorated the rooms.

"How long has it been since we last saw each other, for you I mean?" she asked as I followed her into the kitchen, watching her gather biscuits and drinks with the same haphazard actions - ever the scatterbrain.

"I would say just over a year. I left on the day I turned sixteen, and I'll be eighteen in eight months time." We had moved back into the lounge, and I curled up on the same tan leather sofa that had been here before. The leather was softer than it had been, worn but better for it.

"Wow, to think I first met you when you just twelve years old and now look at you, a proper young woman. You look beautiful, Sarelle." Her eyes glistened with emotion and I smiled at her warmly.

"It's been quite a journey." I sighed and took a sip of the blackcurrant juice she had ready. It ran down my throat nicely, clearing the aftertaste that still hung in my mouth from the champagne not last night but previous.

"Did you ever see him again, that boy?" I flinched slightly but nodded as a brave mask set in place.

"I was just turned sixteen when I found him again. I don't know if I ever told you, but he was the same little boy that I met when I was very young. The son of the Masens'. We fell for each other all over again, only this time I didn't leave him, he left me. He...died from Spanish Influenza. His whole family did. Somehow I was _fortunate_ enough to avoid it." My words choked slightly until I they just became whispers.

I glanced up at Renée and found tears in her eyes before she reached to hug me.

"You poor thing. Oh, sweetie, you deserved to be happy so much." She stroked my hair as I sniffled into the crook of her shoulder. I had finished my crying yesterday at the grave yard, but to hear her sincerity and sympathy was something I couldn't fight against.

"I'm OK, really, Renée. I've dealt with losing him. I think the first time half prepared me for this." I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear and exhaled deeply.

"Do you...you know...think there'll ever be someone else for you?"

"Maybe, hopefully. I would rather have eyes that cannot see, and ears that cannot hear, than a heart that cannot love. This is silly, I always seem to off load my problems onto you. It's really not fair and terribly selfish of me. Tell me what I've missed. Twenty years surely has a lot to catch up on." I grinned and settled in to hear about the second half of Renée's life, the half I'd had no presence in.

We talked for hours of family memories, Dylan's childhood, Phil's rising success from junior league coach to assistant coach for the Floridians, the highs and lows of her new married life, major events that had caused their lives to twist and turn, Dylan's accomplishments, and Renée's failed wild ideas. It wasn't until Phil arrived home that our conversation paused for more than a few seconds. Even then it was only halted for welcomes and greetings before we plunged back into discussing the life we'd had apart. Bella was never mentioned; not even an uttering of her name came from Renée's lips.

I had been anxious when I heard Phil arrive home, but Renée's calm expression helped me relax. When Phil had walked in the room, and saw me sitting looking far too young given the time that had passed, he merely laughed about one of Renée's hare-brained ideas actually being true. He accepted it that easily, not a question or utterance of disbelief.

All the while Dylan stayed up in his room, out of sight and out of hearing range, no doubt brooding in his room over his embarrassment. I hadn't meant to wound his ego. In fact, I had only thought of my own feelings and survival, not his. It was selfish but necessary at the time, when I didn't know if he was friend or foe.

Soon the time came when the sky was dark outside and our eyes grew tired. I got shown up to a spare room opposite the one I had slept in last time, Dylan's room now. In the spare there was just a bed. It was placed against one of the four stark white walls opposite the window which had a view to outside. It was of nothing but a clear view over the garden and the velvet expanse of the night's sky. The simplicity was nice; it gave me some peace to think without distraction.

As always when I visited Renée I could feel the comforting sense of healing starting to work across my stressed mind. I couldn't say if it was the content vibe she exuded or the sunny Floridian climate. But, just being here helped lift the worries and troubles from my mind.

That night I slept deeply and without a hint of the nightmares that used to plague me. However, I didn't dare to hope that they had been vanquished. Not yet.

* * *

The pain of losing Edward was excruciating, threatening to engulf me completely, I could ignore it, but that didn't mean I couldn't _feel _it. And, God, how I felt it. It was in every step, every fake smile, every word, it wrapped around me, pledging to swallow me whole. I was sure that, soon enough, I was going to buckle from it. There was only so much one can feel. And it was only a matter of time before I would completely break down. Not that I showed it. I would never let on that below my smiling surface there was desperation and turmoil. I was, after all, good at hiding below my outer shell. It wasn't that the tear fell because I promised myself 'no more tears over a broken heart', but I knew closure oculdn't be instant. It would take a little time for me to completely fixed. This period was just something I had to ride out.

Still, waking without the idea of seeing him didn't feel right. Spending the days with just memories seemed hollow. On the bad days I could get so lost in the memories that I could feel him touching my skin, his kisses upon my face, or his breath on my neck as he wrapped me in his arms.

I always knew the day would come when I had to leave him. I had thought I prepared myself enough, or at least as much as one can prepare themselves for such a loss. But in all my thoughts and plans, I never thought it would hurt like _this. _I had never felt so alone, so truly alone.

I occupied myself by spending as much time as possible busy and focussed on some new task. I shopped for groceries, cleaned, cooked, talked with Renée, Phil, and Dylan. I even got to practice the piano and help Renée with her kindergarten classes. Sometimes it could be days before I thought of Edward; sometimes he was all that filled my mind. Either way I kept up the act of being happy in the hope that someday it wouldn't become an act at all.

The days when Edward didn't cross my mind were usually the days I spent with Dylan. He had eventually overcome his initial embarrassment at our meeting and we built a relationship that fell so naturally into friendship. It wasn't the kind of friendship I had with Renée, or in fact any other friend I'd had before. Not that it was better or worse, just different.

Our conversations flowed easily even though our characters were near opposites. Dylan was carefree, cocky, and expressive. His atrocious language had at first bothered me, but eventually my ears just became accustomed to his potty mouth, and I sunk into some kind of teasing, playful friendship that was easy and simple. He didn't know what I was and he knew very little about my past, but it never seemed to bother him. He just accepted topics I didn't want to talk about, rarely asking why. Sometimes he just looked at me and changed topic instantly, as if he could sense the conversation was leading somewhere I didn't want it to go. I decided he got his acute skills of perception from Renée, but definitely his playful confidence from Phil.

He had exhibited his slightly arrogant nature when he walked into my room one day during the week and asked me if I had any nice clothes to wear. When I raised an eyebrow at him and asked him what was wrong with my usual clothes, he replied, 'Nothing. Just wanted to know if you're equipped for the role of arm candy tonight. There's a party and I told Sam I'd bring you. He digs the older women.' He had winked and left knowing full well that I'd go with him, just for an escape from a night alone. Renée and Phil were going out for a meal together, as seemed to be weekly occurrence according to Dylan.

That was why I was currently looking over my reflection in the small mirror in the bathroom.

I was in one of Alice's creations, and the plain black short skirt I had been bought in Florida. Thanks to it being made of stretch material it still fit. I had a cream and black polka dot fitted vest top with my cream cardigan from the boutique in Belmore. It had small pearl and crystal detail to dress the outfit up since I had the plain black heeled shoes from the Rochester ball on my feet.

Once I had dabbed on my cherry lip balm, swept on my mascara, and pulled my hair into a messy bun– except for my front bangs and wispy tendrils - I was finally ready.

I blushed when Dylan wolf whistled and gave a shy thank you when he led me to his car. It was an old model with a few dents that showed he wasn't the most cautious driver. However, he was the model citizen as we drove the few blocks to his friend's house. So very unlike Edward and his lust for speed, that is, when he was immortal.

I didn't flinch when he wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we entered the house – an expansive bungalow painted white with lush green lawns outside and a wide driveway.

"Dee Man!" A boy with exotic looks came and slapped Dylan on the back as they exchanged greetings. I stood patiently beside him, ignoring the curious looks for the other teenagers that passed us.

"Zach, this is Sarelle. Sarelle, this is my man, Zach. This is his place, and it is his parents we have to thank for leaving it to us while they're away in Hawaii." I smiled and offered my hand for Zach to shake. He took it with a puzzled look on his face before he looked me over and a smile grew on his wide lips.

"Very nice to meet you, Sarelle." He winked and placed a kiss on my hand before being called away. My first impression of Zach: he was suave.

"Drinks in the kitchen, pool's free game, so is the Jacuzzi, and if you're gonna hurl aim for the neighbours' bushes. They're real irritating." Zach called over his shoulder and Dylan just chuckled before steering me towards what I thought was probably the kitchen.

The house was already heaving with people and Dylan nodded or greeted nearly all of them, I assumed they went to his school. Either way he didn't ignore me like Casey had in Florida. Instead he showed me off to everyone he could, keeping his arm around my shoulders or slipping it down to my waist if space was tight. He never tried to go any lower so in that way he was the perfect gentleman – the unconventional kind.

Eventually we made it into the kitchen. It was white, very white, and dotted with various bottles, cans, and red cups.

Dylan ignored the shocking couple kissing fervently in the corner, and instead headed towards a couple of boys standing beside a large bucket of ice and a lot of half full bottles of alcohol.

"Sam, Johnny. This is Sarelle, and we'll have two shots of that stuff." He pointed to a golden liquid in a tall bottle.

"Tequila? You sure the lady wants to be hitting the hard stuff so early?"A tall, lanky boy with golden blonde, highlighted hair gave me a questioning look with his grey eyes. I just shrugged.

I didn't know what tequila was, so I didn't know if I wanted to try it or not. Then again, I knew Dylan wouldn't ask me to do or try something that would harm me, so I had to have a little faith. I could handle my alcohol, as long as I didn't go too far. After all, I was at a teenage American party I wanted to act like a teenager, so if this was what they did then I would join them.

"I'll have what he has." The two boys raised their eyebrows and cast Dylan questioning looks. It dripped of unanswered questions and peaked interest. I knew I would have to leave them alone soon for them to get their gossiping out the way.

"All right, tequila shots all round. Line them up, Johnny. We'll do them regular style. Don't want to make her run before she can walk." Dylan gave me a teasing nudge while the brown eyed, brown haired boy, Johnny, lined up four shot glasses of tequila, four slices of lemon, and a salt shaker.

"OK lick your hand." I did as Sam (the blonde) said and watched nervously as he sprinkled salt on my damp hand.

"So it's lick, drink, suck," Johnny explained, and Dylan gave me a wink before a nodded.

"1...2...3...SHOT." I did my tasks in quick succession and controlled the urge to cringe at the strong alcohol passing down my throat. The lemon was a pleasant distraction on my tongue.

"We've got a professional here, boys." Johnny grinned at me, and I chuckled as I wiped the left over lemon juice from my lips.

"So how did you two meet? You don't go to our school." Sam asked, and I saw Zach had stumbled into the kitchen with a tipsy girl on his arm.

"Are we getting the dirty details?" Zach asked, or slurred. I was amazed he could be so much drunker in a matter of a few minutes. Then again my blood was already starting to feel warm.

"Nah, the PG rated stuff. The meeting," Sam said as if I wasn't even standing next to them.

"Fair enough. So spill." Dylan and I now had all three boys and one blurry eyed girl staring at us with expectation.

"Ummm, Dylan will probably tell it better. I'm just going to have a walk around, see if I can find somewhere to put this bag." I indicated to my large battered leather bag. I had bought it to replace the ratty hessian one that I had bought in Chicago nearly six years ago. It didn't have a lot in it; just pepper spray, my taser, a brush, and Dylan's camera. It was smaller and digital unlike mine. He had promised to print off the images for me to stick into my photo album.

"Sure, sure, most people's stuff is right along the hallway, room on the left," Zach explained before he settled in to listen to Dylan.

I turned and left the room but not before I heard Dylan start his version of events.

"OK, so I come home, go up to my room, open the door, and voila there she is. Sitting on my bed in this long black satin dress, her hair let down and mussed up, pouty red lips. Fucking hot!"

I smirked and wandered down the corridor passed various people talking in groups.

I left my things in the room along with what seemed like another sixty bags. Luckily I found a place to keep mine separate and stop it from being mixed up with the others.

As I walked back to the kitchen I listening to music pumping from the living room. It was loud and pounding with bass. I peeked round to look into the room and the sight was pure lust.

Girls danced together in ways that would have made me blush if I was any younger. Even still my childhood and era made me bite my lip at the erotic motions of the bodies. It was so brazen, the way the girls dipped and rocked their hips in time with music, and the way the boys ogled them from the edge – some joining them to grind against their bodies.

I made my way back to the kitchen and smiled as I saw Dylan laughing with his friends while he sipped a beer bottle. His eyes were twinkling as he looked up at me and ran a hand through his hair to mess it up even further.

"I've got you a cider. Something a little less hardcore." He smirked, and I sipped the drink leisurely. It was still strong but nice with its fruity tang.

"Thank you. So have you revealed all the dirty details of our relationship?" I smirked and Dylan winked as he wrapped an arm around my waist.

"No secrets here, Hun. They even know about your shameless seduction and cougar tendencies." I swatted him on the shoulder and laughed at his cheeky sense of humour. He always pushed the boundaries and yet I didn't seem bothered by it. He knew when to stop and if he did take it too far he didn't pout over being told to stop.

"Come on, lover, let's go find some fun." he said with a grin, so I waved bye to Zach, Sam, and Johnny as they whispered behind us, watching me as we left. I had to be flattered by their appreciation of my looks but their gazes didn't thrill me like Edward's had.

"Dylan, I hate to shatter your illusions, but we are not lovers," I teased as his arm crept back up to my shoulders from his side.

"Not yet, Sarelle, but you can only resist me for so long."I rolled my eyes and settled into the party spirit as we talked, laughed, and sipped our drinks.

* * *

Morning came and the light hurt my eyes as I peeled myself off the bed. I tenderly placed my feet on the laminate floor and winced as the burning soles touched the cold wood. My heels had been nice to wear last night but with all the dancing they had affected my feet in a nasty way. I rubbed the sore skin before heaving myself out of bed. I was in my usual nightwear of a pair of Renée's pyjama's even thought my memory of changing into them was foggy. Plaid shorts and a black stretch vest top which sat just above my tummy button due to my ample chest causing the material to rise up a little higher than it should. I glanced out the window and was pleased to see it was late morning, everyone would be out the house which meant I had the chance to gain back some of my humanity with something to eat and a shower.

I chose food first, along with chugging back a large glass of water.

As I searched for the cereal in the cupboard I heard a quiet gasp from behind me. I spun instantly and saw a scruffy looking Dylan, his eyes wide and his mouth parted.

"Uh, morning," he mumbled before going to the fridge for a can of coke. He wasn't the healthiest of beings.

"Morning," I chirped, confused as to why he winced.

"Tone it down a bit, alright, Hun? Chipper ain't great for a hangover head."

"Sorry...what's a hangover head?" I joined him at the table with my breakfast and tucked in. I was ravenous for some reason.

"You're seriously telling me you haven't got a pounding headache right now?" Dylan stretched out crossing his arm across his eyes. I didn't notice his t-shirt rising to reveal a slither of toned golden skin, or at least I told myself I didn't.

"I feel fine." I smiled as he groaned.

"I thought you would be at practice with Phil, I wouldn't have come down in this state otherwise." I blushed as I thought of just how inappropriate my state of dress was. I had more modesty than to allow myself to wander around in small shorts and a small top in front of a teenage boy. A boy I knew had certain tendencies towards me.

"Like hell was I running around when I felt like this. And as for how you look, Honey, you can walk around in whatever you want. I sure don't mind." He winked and I felt another bout of blush coat my cheeks. I knew he merely said such things to tease me, to play with my nature, but he didn't realise that I wasn't truly used to such innuendos. Not from a friend anyway.

"Um, well, I'm going to use the shower, unless you would prefer to go first?" I quickly rinsed my bowl and spoon, suddenly anxious to get away from Dylan and his appreciative eyes. It was a strange claustrophobia running in my veins. It almost felt like giddiness or excitement, but it was unwanted because he wasn't a possible suitor for so many reasons. He was Renée's son, I was a traveller, and he knew nothing of me except for the surface shell. Was it possible I just felt this thrill because he made me seem desirable? Was I so vain as to feeling happiness because a boy liked the shape of my figure and arrangement of my facial features?

Perhaps, but I allowed myself the vanity because I needed some harmless happiness. However I would have to talk to Renée if it persisted, for both our sakes.

* * *

I never did have to talk to Renée about the faint friction developing between me and Dylan. It wasn't that it disappeared, but more that I learnt it wasn't worth worrying about. He didn't ever act on his teasing suggestions. In fact, he never even lingered in my arms when we shared a comfortable hug. His hands didn't wander down my back to sneak a touch of forbidden flesh. Not once in the three months I had been staying with the family.

It was the sweltering humid nights of early July, and I threw my covers off with frustration. I couldn't stand the way they clung to my body, and I hated the way my hair stuck to the back of my neck.

I stood quickly and paced around my room, switching on a light and snatching Aslo's book to kill some time until my body cooled off enough to sleep.

I smiled down at the sketch I had found recently near the back of the book. It was of me, in my asylum dress with my hair tattered around my face. It would have been dismal to look upon but the change was in my face. Aslo had drawn me with a smile, and eyes that showed some kind of strength and determination. I didn't know such things could be shown in a drawing but they were there, etched into the page. He had drawn me in my weakest state but even then he had shown me that I was still tough. His perception of me was shown in the way he had drawn and I felt myself seep into wishful thinking. Carlisle was a father figure and mentor, but Aslo was something different. He was like my teacher, my comrade. He taught me, fought with me and for me, and he was there when I needed him most. He protected and helped me in ways that were discreet and didn't wound my pride. I just hoped someday I could have the chance to repay the debt.

There was a faint knock at the door, and I quickly shoved the book back into my bag before opening the door wide.

Dylan stood there with an eager light in his eyes.

"Good you're not asleep; grab your camera I'm taking you on an adventure." He stepped confidently into my room and headed for the window, swinging the panes out as far as they'd go.

I did as he said and pulled my camera from my bag, along with as the small white cardigan I got from Belmore.

"Come, take my hand," Dylan said as he crouched on the window ledge, clinging onto the frame.

"You must be mad," I gasped as I figured out what he planned on doing.

"Sanity's overrated, now come on."

I tentatively stepped toward him and stepped onto the ledge. _Would tonight be the night I die? _I squished that thought immediately. Just because I knew that death was coming, and coming fast, that didn't mean it should always be in my thoughts.

"Grab the drain pipe." I did as he said, and he held onto me with one arm as I got my grip on the white drain pipe that lay against the house and led up to the roof of the house.

"What if someone sees us?" I asked, taking a deep breath before each step as he climbed below me.

"Everyone is asleep. Plus I come up here all the time, it's no big deal," He added as he helped me climb the pipe. The cool night air was heaven against my sticky skin, although there was still a hint of humidity stopping the air from feeling fresh and crisp.

"I can't believe you're making me do this," I said through my teeth, my hands slightly shaking but surprisingly not with as much fear as I expected. It was exhilaration, adrenaline, and excitement, like the kind I used to feel whenever Edward was close or running. That feeling of being so completely alive.

"Sure, spiders, ghost stories, horrors, all those you barely bat a lash, but climbing a few feet onto a roof frightens the living hell out of you." A chuckle rolled from his tongue as he shook his head, pushing me forward.

"It doesn't scare me that much. Plus I am scared of something, the dark."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, not all the time, but sometimes." There was quiet for a short moment before Dylan spoke again.

"Have to say, I'm loving this view," he teased as he nudged my bum to keep me going.

"Dylan Dyer, you keep your hands to yourself."

"Don't blame me, blame the hormones. I'm a sixteen year old boy; I have no control over my thoughts."

I rolled my eyes as we continued to scale to the top, Dylan giving me a tap on the bum as I jumped onto the roof. It slanted somewhat to the side, but other than that the roof seemed pretty safe and easy to walk on. I crossed my arms over my chest as I gazed around me, looking around at my surroundings.

The dark blue sky was painted with shiny dots, the full moon in the centre of it that glowed with a sparkly light over the neighbourhood. The cold brisk air blew against my cheek, causing my body to shiver.

"Here," Dylan said as he offered me his hoodie. I took it without a second thought and pulled it closer around my body.

"Stunning, isn't it?" He asked, now by my side.

"Mhm." I agreed as I looked up to the sky that looked absolutely dazzling. The way the stars danced around the dark sky, the moon gleaming over the ground. Part of me remembered the way Edward had looked in the moonlight that first night he stayed in my bed, the first night we had confessed our feelings. This scene was so magical but it would never truly compare to that exquisite night in Belmore without Edward here. I turned my head towards Dylan, who stared off into the sky, my eyes studying him intently. Dylan was in no way like Edward, not in his character, looks, or demeanour, but he helped with the desolate part of me that missed Edward. Maybe it was because he was so different that he temporarily diverted my mind from what I had lost.

He turned to me, his usually tanned skin looking pale in the moonlight, the darker blue depths of his eyes standing out more than usual. His cocky smile crept onto his face once he caught me staring.

"I know I'm good looking guy, Sarelle, but there's no need to stare." I couldn't help but smile back as I giggled, my lips instantly pressing together to hide the girly laugh.

Dylan laughed after he experienced my little giggle, my cheeks flushing in red from embarrassment.

"Well aren't you just adorable, you should giggle more often – it suits you." He pointed out as he raised an eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes with a smile as I looked away. I took my camera off my neck where it had been hanging. I snapped the lens cap off, checking the film, and then turned it on to a darker flash so the night background would show in the picture. I held the camera to my eye as I aimed it towards the moon, capturing the picture as I pushed the round button on the top of the camera. The instant image slid out of the camera and I smiled with satisfaction that I had captured the scene. So often technology failed in capturing true beauty.

"Did you buy that yourself?" Dylan asked as he knelt down beside me. I nodded as I smiled towards him, and then down at the camera.

"It was awhile ago now, the technology's probably ancient" I sighed slightly, as I set the camera in my lap. His face was contemplative, similar to Renée's when her inquisitive side came into play.

He picked the camera up from my lap and snapped a picture in the moon's direction. I smiled with contentment as I watched him point the camera at the night's sky; my eyes now back at the moon. The camera clicked again, but this time in my direction, the flash startling me just a bit.

"Dylan, don't waste the film on me," I whimpered in refusal of my picture being taken. I preferred having pictures of people and things I'd never see again instead of myself which I could look upon at anytime.

"Waste? If anything this is modern photography," he added, snapping away another picture.

"Modern Photography?" I laughed at the words, shaking my head, "What's modern about an average looking girl?"

"That's just it…" He paused to snap away another picture. I rolled my eyes, looking away, "Average is modern. Photography isn't about fancy landscapes and pompous twats. Anyone can be a photographer, just pick up a camera and shoot. Although it seems now that photography is used on stick thin models. Girls who walk strangely to show off fucking weird clothes in the name of _fashion_. Still a load of shit to be honest. There's much better things to capture on film." He stopped again, taking another picture as he took a few steps back, "Like you. You're very photogenic, Sarelle."

"Flattery will not get you anywhere, Mr Dyer." I snapped as I shot him a playful glare.

"I hear it can get you everywhere." He wiggled his eyebrows, fuelling my laughter. He was back by my side, holding out the camera for me to grab. I stayed quiet for a moment, my eyes hiding away the secrets that lay beneath them, the insecurities that festered under my surface, no matter how strong or confident my exterior seemed to be.

"Do you really think that?" I asked quietly, reaching out for the camera.

"That you're hot as hell? Of course I do. I wouldn't lie. There'd be no point saying it if it wasn't true, 'cause like you said flattering you isn't going to get me anywhere." He knelt down and sat beside me casting me his usual cocky, playful smile that showed he was OK with our platonic relationship. Despite the fact he would constantly dance across the boundaries.

I stayed quiet as I sat the camera onto my lap, thoughts buzzing in my mind as I gently blew out a few strands of hair that lay against my face, "What's up?" he asked; interested.

"Everything and nothing."

"You like your cryptic shit, don't you?" He teased as he nudged me causing a smile to flicker on my face.

"I'm sorry; I didn't always used to be this way."

"Don't worry 'bout it. I like it, gives you depth, complexity. I like that your unpredictable, and I like that I you're not just two dimensional like all the other girls I know. Gives me something to dig through." He smirked, his eyes twinkling.

"You're so much like your mother. You have the same curiosity. Just... don't dig too far down, Dylan, I like that what we have. It's simple. I don't want to complicate it anymore than needs be."

"Alright, we'll keep it vanilla stylie. Now pass the camera, I've finally got you up here, so I wanna make the most of it."

I raised an eyebrow, "snap away."

I scooted back and leaned against the brick chimney that stood behind me.

Dylan brought the camera up to his face, his right eye setting an inch away from the viewfinder as I stared at his moonlit figure behind the camera. His finger tip sat against the button, but it felt like minutes passed before he pushed it down. My eyes were momentarily blinded by the flash and entranced by his simple handsome features. Unruly thick hair, strong masculine bone structure that was soft enough not to seem intimidating or model-like, slightly thin uneven lips that could form the brightest of smiles or cocky smirks – both making me smile. I cleared my throat, breaking myself from the trance as I turned to look out at the night's sky while he took another picture. I wasn't interested in him romantically, but he made me at ease for the moments we were together.

"Come here," I demanded as I held out my hand. Dylan had shuffled in my direction, his hand grabbing hold of mine to steady himself. I pulled him close to me, as I snuggled to his side.

"Smile," I said as I held the camera in our direction, but away from us. My smile was wide as I pressed the button and snapped the picture.

"Here, give it to me," he said as he judged my slightly tilted picture, "My arms are longer." I handed him the camera as I bit down onto my tender bottom lip.

"Ready?" he asked. I nodded my head as I watched him pull the camera out far. My heart was racing erratically at his closeness, memories of Edward running through my mind. I quickly slipped a hand over his opposite cheek, leaning forward to press a kiss to his cheek before the flash went off. I heard his laugh as he pulled the camera down and looked over at me, his blue-green eyes reflecting the light from the moon. They looked almost molten, like liquid silver, sapphire, and emerald.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Just a thank you for being you." I smiled up at him. For a few short moments his eyes searched mine with tenderness before they resumed their usual cheeky twinkle.

"You wanna be careful if that's how you say thank you to everyone. People could start getting funny ideas." He smirked and turned back to the sky, his posture the epitome of relaxation.

"Dylan?"

"Yeah, sweetness?" I rolled my eyes at his distraction.

"Does Renée ever talk about anyone called Bella, or Isabella?" I watched in surprise as his relaxed pose changed instantly into something tense and rigid.

"Not often and I'm glad she doesn't." His voice was so cold and cutting. I was expecting brotherly love not enmity.

"Is this a bad topic?"

"A topic suggests you have something to talk about. I don't know my half sister enough to talk about her."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I understand." I knew I should drop it, his tone of voice told me that much, but I was curious as to what could have possibly made Bella (the once jewel of this family) to be the dark subject of conversation.

"So she married this rich guy, big white wedding, tears. The lot. Mom even gave her this family heirloom she was that excited. Turns out that was the last time Mom ever saw Bella. She said Bella didn't even come see me when I was born. Her own half brother and she couldn't fucking find the time to see me. So yeah, I have a half sister, but I count myself as an only child."

I sat there, stunned and...seething. I knew what Bella was to become but I couldn't justify that as an excuse to not even stay in contact with Renée. It was like she had swapped her ordinary, loving family, for one of extreme beauty and riches. It was selfish and careless, and I mirrored Dylan's anger at her actions. They were not the choices I would have expected from the sweet child I met in Florida. I knew the Volturi had some part in the need for secrecy, but if it were me not even their rules would keep me from my family. Perhaps my disgust at her actions stemmed from the loss of my own family. Perhaps that was why I was unable to see an acceptable reason for Bella's choice to abandon hers. I was rattled and riled from the information and because of this Dylan and I lapsed into silence. Each of us lost in our thoughts.

After a few that moments, small, warm droplets began to fall from the sky landing over the roof, covering me and Dylan. The rain soaked into his hair, causing it to darken and glisten just slightly every time he moved his head.

"We should probably get inside," he commented as the rain picked up. I nodded my head as I grabbed my camera from him, placing it around my neck.

I shuffled along the roof, watching my step as the rain started to make the roof tiles slick. On the edge of the roof, I sat down, wrapping my arms around the white gutter that went straight down to the ground past the window we had left from. I looked back at Dylan who was questioning my motives as his head slightly tilted. He probably expected me to wait for him to go first. But what had I to fear? Death? It was a morbid state of mind but I didn't really fear it, I didn't welcome it or chase it but I didn't run from it either.

I waved playfully at Dylan as I jumped off, my legs now wrapping around the gutter as I slide down it like a fireman's pole. My feet hit the window sill we had climbed out of, and I slipped into the room, peeking out to watch Dylan do the same.

He slid lithely into the room, shutting the window behind him and shaking his wet hair like a dog. The water droplets splattered against my skin and I struggled to keep in the laughter.

He disappeared and returned with two towels so we could dry off. It was silent as we each dabbed at our rain soaked skin.

I watched him ruffle his hair with the towel, a smile playing on his face.

Perhaps if I had been a normal girl, in a normal world, without my history with Edward, then maybe we could have been together. It may not have been anything serious, if anything at all, but I knew that there was that possibility that I could have found some happiness with him. If we had met at school or out with friends, and we had found a connection on our own without me having a friendship with his mother beforehand, then maybe he could have been a love of mine. Just maybe the ease I felt around him could have developed into a comfortable relationship.

Dylan glanced up and caught me watching him, for the second time in the night and again I smiled shyly before going back to dabbing my face and hair with the towel.

"Hey." He clasped my hand to stop me from drying myself, and in the second I looked up, his lips were on mine.

They weren't urgent, or passionate, but they were there sweet and gentle for a few seconds before he pulled back again. I just stood there stunned, touching my fingertips to my lips.

"What was that for?" I asked puzzled. My lips still tingled and although it wasn't unpleasant I didn't have the urge to do it again, purely because I saw all the hurdles that stood in the way. The fact he was Renée's son, the newly buried feelings for Edward, my lifestyle. I had learnt the hard way that I couldn't love someone without hurting them so I was firm in my decision to never force that kind of relationship onto anyone else.

"Just a thank you for being you." Dylan placed his hand tentatively to my cheek and brushed his thumb over my cheekbone before dropping it to his side.

"Dylan, I..." I started, but he pinched my lips together with his thumb and forefinger smirking in the process.

"Sarelle, unless you're going to say 'Dylan, I can't believe how amazing you are at kissing' then you don't have to say anything. I get it, we're just friends. I'm not going to push you somewhere you don't want to be, even if I don't understand why. You just looked so cute, like a little drowned puppy." He grinned, and I swatted him on the arm, smiling once he released my lips.

"Just tell me, does my mom know?" I nodded warily.

"Right."

"She won't tell you, Dylan, not this. Remember, don't dig too deep." I said, hoping it would stop him from snooping. He left the room with a sigh and a goodnight, leaving me alone in the dark.

I just hoped Dylan wasn't too much like his mother, because if he was then my secret wouldn't stay hidden from him for long.

* * *

The days that raced by after that night on the roof seemed filled with my whirring mind. I had felt something that night, and I had acknowledged the truth of my situation so plainly that it left a haunting echo in my conscience. I couldn't truly love again, not deeply, and not with any lasting hope. I was truly destined to walk this life alone unless by some stroke of fate's kindness I am allowed to end my suffering and stop jumping. But what if that was to never happen, what if I never stayed somewhere more than a year, maybe two? Could I really live my life alone, unable to share my heart with anyone for fear of it getting broken and crushed...again and again? If that were the case then it would be no life at all.

It was with these thoughts that I sat in my room and let my eyes dwell on the photographs in my album. I absorbed every moment and relived it from memory. I immersed myself in the people I had met and known, loved and lost, because they could be all I would ever have. Just memories.

It wouldn't be enough. How could it be? I loved friendship, relationships, conversation, and discovery. How could I ever live without that?

I couldn't. I couldn't even manage a few months with Renée, Phil, and Dylan without forming an attachment.

Just the thought of Dylan made my mind spin all over again. I was so tired up in knots that I couldn't see the best way to move forward with the way I felt. In truth I wasn't even sure how I felt. It couldn't be love because I was resilient against letting that happen, but it was _something_.

As if by magic he appeared at my door, his bright smile lighting his face as usual. Although it dropped when his eyes met mine and assessed their blurred state. Tears seemed to fall so easily now that I hardly noticed when they did. It was strange that I had gone from a girl that barely cried to just a mess. Nothing made sense to me anymore and it was all because my life was too twisted to straighten out.

I felt my body shudder as my face fell into my palms.

Warm arms wrapped around me and shifted the album from my lap as I was moved. I could feel myself being snuggled into Dylan's arms and the way he stroked his hands through my hair. It was all so easy, so relaxing and calm. He wasn't hard like stone, or cool to touch, and I could hear his heartbeat steady and vital through his chest. He was so safe and comforting that I pulled myself just a little closer. Close enough to smell the scent of his deodorant mixing with the smell which was just him.

"Hey, it's alright. I'm here, Sarelle." Another hand passed through my hair as I sniffled into his t shirt.

"Don't leave me, please..." I could feel my breath hiccupping as I talked.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise." His arms tightened around me and I whimpered because his promise wouldn't change a thing. So many people had promised they wouldn't leave, or we would always be together, or that I'd never be alone, but the promises weren't theirs to make and they couldn't keep them. No one ever could because the control wasn't in their hands; it wasn't even in mine although it was me who inevitably did the leaving.

I felt Dylan's hand cup my chin and tilt my head up towards him. For the first time I saw his face and I saw the hurt my sadness caused him. This was the first time he'd seen me cry; the first time he'd seen the true damage below the surface.

"Sarelle, I'm here with you, and I will be as long as you want me." His eyes watched mine as I flickered between their gaze. It was so certain, strong, and sincere.

"I'll always want you," I whispered as I basked in the humanity and care he showed me. Other than Renee and my parents, no other human had really cared for me or held me when I needed it. I didn't want to let go.

I sighed a shaky breath as I closed my eyes and luxuriated in the touch of Dylan's skin against mine. So soft and comfortable. My heart didn't race like it did when Edward touched me, and my body didn't register the difference like when a vampire came in contact. It was just so human, but because my past had had more contact with vampires than humans, it felt new and different.

The bed shifted and I felt Dylan's body move, bringing with it a certain feeling of anticipation and electricity.

Within moments of the feeling changing I felt his lips brush mine, once, twice, more bold on the third time. I was stunned but I felt myself kiss him back, just for a second before my mind screamed for me to halt.

I wasn't thinking straight and because of that the kiss wasn't a bright idea. I had no comprehension of how I felt towards Dylan, Edward, my past, my future, my life in general.

As I pulled back I felt my breathing stutter with the shock and confusion.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to...encourage you." I tripped through my words as I shuffled myself back and tried to straighten out my thoughts.

"It's not your fault, Sarelle, it's mine. I knew the rules but I had to try bending them, just once." Dylan ran his hand through his hair, looking away from me although I could still see the pink stain build on his cheeks.

"Dylan, I can't put your heart on the line. You don't deserve it and I can't do it to myself, not anymore."

"I really fucked it up this time, didn't I?" His eyes caught mine as he threw me a glance. His fingers scratched through his hair as he huffed a nervous breath. I squeezed his arm to try and offer some comfort, just like Carlisle used to do with me when I was still the tender age of ten.

"No, don't think like that. If I wasn't me, with my history, then you would be exactly what I want. But I don't live in the ideal, Dylan, I can't."

"Why do you do that?" He turned on the bed to face me with a look of confusion on his face. His dark eyebrows knitted together as his eyes watched me intently.

"What?"

"Why do you always talk as if nothing ever lasts? You always sound like your saying goodbye." Was the truth really that clear through all my attempted lies, all my acts and pretences?

"All things end, Dylan, even life itself." My voice was as stony as my stare, bland and emotionless because there was no way of disguising the ugly truth. It was a fact of life, just as true as the saying that life was just another hell you won't get out of alive.

My answer didn't seem to be the right one in Dylan's eyes because he stood quickly, his motions fast and erratic with irritation. "No, stop this shit, Sarelle. For once tell it to me straight, don't fuck about with cryptic phrases. I'm sick of wading through all the crap."

"Dylan, please."

"No, don't do that. Don't make me want to take it back. I care about you, Sarelle. I deserve some answers, some fucking clue to explain why you're always taking step away from me when I take a step forward."

I reached towards him as I took a step from the bed. "It's not that I want to, it's just easier – less complex – this way."

"I'm tired of vanilla, Sarelle," he said. His voice was quiet as he dragged a weary hand over his face. "I want the complication. I want the fucking, chocolate chip fudge whip cream sundae with extra sauce and a cherry on top!" His arms moved as he talked and I registered that in all the time I'd known him, I'd never seen him this vocal, this passionate about something. It hit home harder than I thought.

"OK then, Dylan. The full sundae coming right up. Sit." I pointed towards the bed, ignoring the smirk he gave me as he took his place on the bed. "What has Renée already told you about me?"

"Fuck all," he said with a tone that still showed his frustration. "All she's said is that she met you when you were younger and the friendship stuck. That's it. But I don't remember you ever coming up in conversation or coming round so that little explanation seems like a load of bollocks. Some shit just doesn't add up."

"Not all things are made to make sense, Dylan."

"Whatever, just fill me in, Sarelle. Let me in, for once." I couldn't but I could give him _something_.

"I guess the starting point would be this locket. I was given it by my parents when I was born and have had it ever since. I wear it all the time because it reminds me of them. You see they died when I was nine years old. I was put into care but my treatment wasn't very pleasant so I...ran away. Clearly not a great idea for a nine year old girl alone in a country she barely knew. I was originally born in England, in a London suburb. Big beautiful house, expensive pretty things, doting parents. We moved to America shortly before my parents death. Life alone was a shock. Throughout the years I've bounced from place to place. I've stayed with welcoming strangers who became friends, and I've stayed in places worse than hell. However no matter how many friends I make, I always move on. Whether I'm forced to or otherwise. I have experienced things that I never wish to speak of, so they stay my secrets and no matter how much you ask me I will not divulge them"

"I think I can guess."

"What?" I gasped in shock. To me it was the very worst scenario having Dylan know anything other than what I had told him. Especially anything that referred to my darker moments, not even Edward knew of those things. No one would know if I could have avoided it.

I moved slowly to sit on the bed, waiting nervously for Dylan to explain. I didn't dare look at him, the shame and worry kept my eyes downcast.

"You have dreams, or nightmares. I've heard you, screaming and whimpering in you sleep. You talk about Edward, and Aslo, and some other people, but I can't always get their names."

"I didn't realise..." I murmured, it was bad but it wasn't as bad as it could have been.

"Who were they?" Dylan blurted out and my eyes snapped to his instantly, carrying with them a warning. He knew certain things were best left untouched. He knew this and yet right now he was disregarding the rules we had set up between us. It seemed this conversation was one where the gloves were off and the cards were on the table, even if I was keeping a couple hidden in my hand. He couldn't know everything about me, it just wasn't possible.

I watched as Dylan's head ducked in shame and a sheepish look graced his face. "I'm sorry...just curious."

I smiled. "Renée's trait. Neither Edward nor Aslo hurt me in anyway, not physically. They are...dear friends."

"Then why do you sound so sad when you talk about them."

"Like I said, I never stay in one place for long. I miss them."

"Then go back, stay in touch."

A chuckle left my lips but it had no happiness to carry it. It was bitter and too knowing of the world's true colours. "Things aren't that easy. In the case of Edward he died not long ago, shortly before I came here actually. I knew it was coming but when you love someone that much you can fool yourself into thinking you have more time than you're given."

Dylan reached across me and picked up the album that lay discarded beside us "Is this him?" he asked as he held up the picture of Edward smiling over the top of the piano while he played my serenade.

"Yes, that's him," I said with a smile in my voice.

"You loved him."

"He was everything; he had been for a long time. Maybe too long."

"Fuck, and I just went a kissed you. How sick does that make me, forcing myself on a girl grieving for a dead boyfriend?" Another hand went through his hair as his eyes widened with humiliation.

"It doesn't make you sick, not in the slightest. You didn't know, and even if you did. I'm not grieving him, not anymore, not really. I'm not saying I've moved on completely but you...you make it better. I'm the sick one for allowing myself to get this close to you."

"I don't understand."

"It doesn't matter... So that's my story and I hope it explains why I sometimes seem distant. I just have lost a lot so it makes trust a little hard." It wasn't a complete lie.

"Yeah I guess." Silence. "And uh, I'm sorry about the kiss," he added with another sheepish smile.

A feeling of impulse claimed me as I shuffled forward on the bed and placed my hand on his. "Don't be." No sooner had the words left my mouth than I held my hand to his cheek and pressed my lips to his. I had to know what the feeling fizzing in veins meant, and I wanted to know why it meant so much to me to know he cared.

He stayed frozen against me for a moment but once that second passed I felt his lips move with mine. They were soft at first but then something changed. The sweetness was discarded for heat and the uncertainty left in favour of emboldened motion. It felt new and strange but I was past figuring out if those things meant it was good. I was kissing Dylan and it felt free. I didn't have to be careful with him. I didn't have to keep watch of my body's urges or instinctual emotions. I could just go with the flow of the moment.

My fingers travelled to his hair and tightened in the thick of it. It was so different to Edward's. It wasn't soft to touch but instead slightly coarse and coated with the faintest hint of product.

I could hear my mind screaming for logic and consideration but I couldn't find it in me to answer the questions in my head. I didn't want to know where this would go, what it would mean, or even if this was right. I didn't want to acknowledge the tiny part of me that felt like this was a betrayal against Edward.

My mind and body were two different detached beings right now, but I could feel them heading towards the same conclusion.

With every moment that our kiss lasted I could feel the initial sense of do-I-dare, and exhilaration wear off. Yes I was kissing Dylan, and yes at first it had been thrilling, but now the magic of the moment was wearing off I could feel...or more to say I couldn't feel that special something.

Instinct and adrenaline were ruling me, but not my heart.

Our kiss slowed and our arms untangled themselves from the holds they'd had.

Dylan was the first to pull away and I noted the wide-eyed contemplative look staring back at me.

I had no idea what emotions were present on my face; I wasn't even sure what emotions were present inside me so I was hopeless to determine what was being projected.

"Hmmm." Dylan pierced the silence as his head tilted slightly to the side.

"Hmmm?"

"I just, well, and this has no reflection on you or the kiss, but it didn't feel..."

"Quite right."

"Yeah." It seemed this very idea was a puzzle to him.

"I know. There wasn't that spark. In fact it felt almost..."

"Wrong."

"Yes." I chuckled with relief and disbelief. I may not have been certain of my feelings for Dylan but I certainly hadn't expected a kiss such as the one we felt to feel so disjointed in my mind.

"Dammit. I was so sure it would be right, you know."

"I think we're just meant to be friends. We get on but there's just no real spark."

"I don't know about friends but I'll settle for best friends, you know all that BFF crap."

"Best friends forever." I grinned. "I'd like that." Only I knew that it couldn't really happen.

"Good because I think my life would have kinda suck if you couldn't. You mean a lot to me, Sarelle. A hell of a lot." Dylan's head dipped with embarrassment, something that didn't happen often.

"You mean a lot to me too, Dylan."

"So, following in line with the whole BFF's thing. Did you and Edward have a spark?"

I blushed a deep pink which seemed to give Dylan his answer.

"Fireworks then," he said as he chuckled. "He was a lucky guy."

"I was a lucky girl," I sighed as I looked down on the photograph of Edward facing up at me.

He had looked just like that on that day when the tingle arrived and my time in Belmore gained a running hourglass.

In thinking of that day I glanced up and out the window, only to be blinded by the same vivid red light which always greeted me along with the tingle, and as expected I felt the electricity surge in my veins once more.

I gasped at the sensation, feeling the impatience of it as it raced around my limbs and prickled at my skin. I knew this strength of urgency translated to a short wait, but I couldn't get a read on how long it would give me this time.

"Hey, where'd you go for a sec there?...Do you want some time to yourself, 'cause you know you can just tell me to fuck off if you want."

"No. I just...I need to talk to Renée."

Another wave hit me and I clenched my fists on the bedspread, closing my eyes tight to focus on staying whole. I just had to get past the first few waves and adapt to the feeling. Once I had done that I could tame it, control it a little, or at least earn myself a little time before I had to surrender.

"She's out... She'll be back in a couple hours... Sarelle, are you sure you're OK you seem twitchy." I leapt from the bed when Dylan tried to reach for me. I wasn't sure if humans could feel it but I wasn't risking the chance that Dylan would. Instead I started to pace the room, turning Edward's ring on my finger as I thought of what was to come next.

"A couple of hours...do I have that long?" I whispered

"Huh?"

"Dylan could you, uh, call Renée and tell her she needs to come home because I'm tingling with excitement to talk to her and I'm _impatient_."

"Uh, those exact words?" he asked with an unwillingly look on his face.

"Those exact words, and also could you give me some 'me' time I just need to sort some stuff out." I started bustling around the room, trying to get Dylan out so I could start to pack.

"Right...sure," he said as he exited my room, dialling his phone as he went.

Another surge pulsed in my body but it was easier. I didn't have to focus as much; just a few deep breaths were enough to ease me through it.

I didn't know if Dylan had gotten through to Renee but I hoped to whichever force was out there that he had.

Renee didn't take long to return, only half an hour or so. However by the time she burst through my door I was already completely packed. My things had been easy to gather since they were all compact in my room.

However packing was the easy part, it was saying goodbye which was hard.

"Is he gone?" I asked as soon as Renee shut the door behind her.

"Dylan? Yes he's gone to see Phil. I told him his dad wanted to talk about practice."

"Right." I huffed and blew the hair out of my face while I scanned the room for anything I might have missed.

"How long do you have?" Renee asked as she cupped my face, then moving down to hold my shoulders, arms. It was as if she were patting me down just to check I was still there with her.

"I'm not sure, it's strong but I think I might be able to hold it off until tomorrow lunchtime at the latest." I flopped onto the bed and tried to collect my breathing. Everything had happened so fast that my body felt like it was just racing from one thing to another.

"Does Dylan know?" she looked at me with wary eyes. Not the eyes of the inquisitive woman I knew, but the eyes of a mother looking out for what was hers.

"No. I wanted to tell him but I just couldn't. He was unaware enough for me not to tell him."

"Right, I can't decide if that's better or worse. You guys have gotten closer than I thought you would. I never thought it would really be a problem – whether he knew or not."

"I didn't want to cause problems." I looked down at my fingers, focussing on Edward's ring. I couldn't get caught up in Dylan like I had in Edward. Friend or lover it wasn't right to flit in and out of their lives.

I felt Renee sit down beside me on the bed along with the feel of her arm curling around my shoulder. "Oh sweetie, I didn't mean it like that. It's just you two being friends is going to make it harder for him to accept you just disappearing without a phone call, email, letter."

"It was just nice to be seen as an average girl for once."

"Honey, you're anything but average, even without your little ability." A kiss pressed onto my hair and I smiled as I leant in just a little.

"Let me think..." I sighed as I sat up straight. Now was no time to just sit and be. I had to think of something to tell Dylan. Yet another lie to feed to someone I cared about in the hope that it helped ease the sudden disappearance. "What if I tell him I'm leaving to stay with Aslo for a while because he's ill? Dylan knows he's a friend of mine. That would explain the sudden departure."

"There's still the problem of contact."

"That's a problem I can't fix, Renée. I'm sorry but it's...impossible. I mean, friendships drift apart all the time, especially with distance involved." I shook my head in exasperation before flipping my hair away from my face.

"Yeah...I know. He'll be bitter though. He still is about Bella and he didn't even know her."

"Does it still hurt?" I asked as I looked across at my friend. What she and Bella had went beyond a mother and daughter relationship. They were best friends and I knew how it felt to lose one of those. I was effectively going to go through that all over again when I left Dylan.

"Yeah, I mean my own daughter fazed me out of her life. Me, her mother, I thought we were close but obviously not close enough for her to try to keep me in her life." Her tone was airy and light, as if she were talking about a far distant memory but I could hear the bitter tone that hit on the end of each word and I could see the way it upset her just by looking in her eyes. She was hurt but she had built a cocoon around her in the shape of her new family. They helped and healed, but I knew there would always be that part of her that wished things were different, wished she could have her new family and Bella at the same time rather than having to settle for just one.

"Anyway, we need to get things sorted here. Are you packed?" I nodded and looked at my bulging sack.

"Have you got clothes to wear; I know you bought a few things here but I mean old fashion wise." Another nod. I had the dresses Edward bought me, a few things from later decades, and enough to survive on in modern times.

"Have you got all your photos?" I tapped the top of the sack where the two photo albums lay. The second one was filling up nicely what with all the pictures of the Masens', and here. I wasn't ever going to be short of memories to look at.

"Are you ready for the next big adventure?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." I said with a grin.

"Well then, tonight we celebrate our time together. I'm booking Mama Rosa's, so get yourself all tarted up. If this is your last night we are making it worthwhile."

**A/N: I'm sorry if it was a bit rushed but I didn't want to make this part a huge thing. It's kind of the rebound phase, if that makes sense. :)**


	48. Chapter 47

******Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Updates for this story might come to a slight standstill, but hopefully it'll only be temporary.**

I struggled along the uneven pavement with her arm around my neck and her whimpers in my ears. My mind didn't have any more space in it to even contemplate the fact I'd left Dylan, Phil, and Renée. I was just focussed on the task at hand. It had all started mere minutes ago when I materialised with a sigh into this new place and was met by the sound of a scream, a falling book, and then—closely following the book—a falling girl. She landed with a terrible thud and an even more horrifying crack. I barely had time to steady myself before I rushed to her side. She was about my age, sixteen with caramel hair pulled back in a platted twist. Her face was twisted up in pain and I knew it must have something to do with the sickening sound that was made when she landed.

"Where hurts?" I had asked, trying to see any surface injuries but failing due to the plume of royal blue material from her dress billowing around her.

"My leg. It's agony," she whimpered, and I looked around me frantically. We were in a park, or at least some quaint forest near civilisation. I could hear it, the buzz of the streets and the smell of modern life—or at least a modern as this time period could be. From her appearance I could only guess I was back to the fair days of the 1910's.

"Is there a hospital, or somewhere that can help nearby?" I had asked as together we raised her to stand on one leg and rest the remainder of her weight on me.

"Main Street." She gasped, and although I had no idea what was considered the main street I struggled onwards with the girl, and that was how we came to be here, walking on uneven slab stones heading towards the large brick building in front of us.

It was a busy morning at the hospital, patients were coming and going, but we were shown towards a bed fairly quickly after the girl's leg had been x-rayed.

The hospital was such a small place, really. There were lots of little rooms and warrens of corridors leading from one area to the next. I couldn't imagine that in just two years time, this place would be a holding ground for those suffering from the influenza. That is if I was correct in assuming the time period was early to mid 1910s. I could be wrong, but when you travel through the ages as much as me, you start to notice the small differences that indicate the era.

I glanced at the girl next to me, lying on the hospital bed and staring up at the ceiling.

"Does your leg still hurt?" I asked as a doctor went past us. It seemed a possible broken leg wasn't as important as the other patients. We had been sitting here for longer than I had hoped.

"Yes, but thank you for helping me to get here. It was silly of me to try and climb that tree so high." She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, breathing through the pain before opening them and giving me a grateful smile. Even with tears on her eyes her face was very gentle and welcoming. She had the open features of one of those china dolls you could buy from the shops.

"I thought I might have scared you and perhaps caused you to fall." I admitted guiltily. I had, after all, just appeared from nowhere.

"Oh no. No it was nothing like that. I didn't even know you were there until you came to help. I was just climbing to find somewhere peaceful, to think and read. Unfortunately my foot slipped and well, here we are." She laughed softly but stopped when pain caused tears to spring up in her chocolate eyes again. They were wide, round eyes that seem so innocent. Almost doe-like. The way they were set in her face with her soft plump cheeks and lips, gave the appearance of a happy face. She was familiar somehow, the comfort and gentleness she projected, but I couldn't quite place my finger on who she reminded me of.

I heard someone approaching with relief, although it soon turned to shock when the curtain was pulled back to reveal Carlisle's compassionate face. My face split into a blinding smile and I battled with the urge to run to him and wrap my arms around him, to gain some comfort from his presence.

"Hello, my name is Dr Cullen. What seems to be the matter here, Miss...?"

Suddenly something sprung from my memory, a past conversation that chose this moment to reappear in my mind.

_Carlisle's face formed a frown of confusion but it cleared too quickly to crease his handsome face._

"_This is still quite unnerving, almost as much as the first time." It was my turn to frown this time._

"_It's been six years since I first met you, Sarelle. I believe you were sixteen, nearly seventeen."_

"_But...I only turned sixteen a few weeks ago." _

"_Yes quite unnerving," Carlisle murmured as we waltzed through the room._

"_Six years...so I met you for the first time...like this...in 1911?"_

"_Yes..."_

His voice faded from my mind and I stood gaping at the man in front of me. Another piece of my puzzle had fallen into place. It was almost rewarding, like following the clues on a treasure map and discovering another little piece of the seemingly endless puzzle.

Only moments had passed and I saw the girl beside me break herself from the daze she seemed to be under.

"Platt. Miss Esme Platt," she replied with a shy smile which Carlisle returned with a fervour I would never have expected to see on a first meeting between two people. But of course these were no two strangers, or at least they wouldn't be for long.

Esme Platt. Esme, the woman who cared and loved me as if she were my true mother. It was odd seeing her as a girl my own age, to see her as human, but the moment I looked at her again it was as if I was seeing her through Carlisle's eyes. I could see exactly why he would love her when she was grown. She was so soft and almost Madonna-esque in her appearance. She had that look about her that showed she was meant to love, meant to care for those close to her. Her body was curved and made for comforting embraces. Her eyes, although wearing a mask of pain, had an innate glimmer that was meant to be bestowed upon those she was proud of. She was perfect for him, almost shockingly so.

I hadn't realised, as I'd been wading through my revelation that their conversation had progressed from introductions and initial queries and they were now both looking at me.

"Miss?" Carlisle asked as Esme smiled encouragingly at me.

"Yes?"

"He was enquiring as to the name of my saviour," Esme prompted as she touched my hand in gratitude.

"Miss Sarelle St Clair. Although I'm anything but a saviour. It was just a case of right place right time."

"Indeed. A pleasure to meet you, Miss St Clair." I nodded in agreement with Carlisle, trying to hide my amusement at being called Miss St Clair by him.

"Now, Miss Platt..."

"Please call me Esme." Esme interrupted warmly, if not with a hint of timidity.

"Esme." Carlisle smiled as his voice seemed to caress her name. "Unfortunately, according to your x-rays you have broken your Fibula. That's the outer bone on your shin. See." He ran his hand along the outer part of her lower leg, lightly indicating where the broken bone resided. "I will have to reset the bone. I will be quite painful but I will make it as swift as possible. I promise."

"If you must, Doctor." Esme replied with a wobbling voice, and I felt her grip my hand almost unconsciously. I squeezed back, clutching in both of mine to give her whatever comfort I could.

"On the count of three." Esme gritted her teeth and braced herself, although her scream still came when Carlisle forced the bone back into place. It was awful to see the flush of pain painting her cheeks and the sheen of cold sweat causing her brown to shine, but nonetheless she smiled slightly at Carlisle when the worst was over.

"I'm sorry, truly." Carlisle spoke in earnest.

"There's no need but thank you anyway." Esme said through involuntary tears. I leant over and dabbed them with one of the tissues placed on the side.

"You're very brave, Esme. I'm such a scaredy cat when it comes to hospitals." It was a half truth. I really did prefer to stay out of hospitals, but not because I feared pain or anything like that. It was more because hospitals housed doctors, and doctors asked questions, and questions lead to nothing good. It was the same with places where gossip was rife, or police stations where every word and event was filed. I always aimed to stay away from anywhere where my presence could be recorded or speculated upon without my knowledge.

"You are kind to do this, Sarelle. Lord knows how long I could have been lying there under that tree if you hadn't helped me."

"It was my honour. Plus I can consider this my good deed for the day. I've certainly clocked up a few IOUs over the years." Both Carlisle and Esme gave me a slightly puzzled smile but I just chuckled a little and turned away. Turning my back on the awkward moment when I had let myself get ahead of the times.

"Right, now that the bone is back in place I just have to put it in plaster. I can assure you, Esme, the worst part is already over." Carlisle touched her shoulder as he had with me several times over the years, and I saw it had the same reassuring effect on Esme as it always did with me. "Now I'll just go get the supplies. I'll be just a few moments; meanwhile a nurse is going to run a few tests just to make sure we haven't missed anything." Esme nodded and with that he left the room, his white coat disappearing from sight.

Esme sighed beside me before giggling softly.

"Esme?" I asked with a smile in my voice.

"Oh ignore me, I'm just being silly." She said as she giggled again.

"Oh come on, what's go you all giddy and giggly?"

"He's rather dreamy, isn't he?" She said with a convert smile.

"Dr Cullen?" she nodded.

"Can you believe he's a doctor? He seems so young," she pondered as a nurse walked in.

"I take it you're being treated by Dr Cullen," the nurse said with a smile, her greying strawberry blonde hair tucked neatly under her white hat.

Esme flushed and the nurse noticed. "He's a favourite around here. It's a lucky thing I'm happily married otherwise I could find myself quite smitten."

"How long has he worked here?" I asked as the nurse took Esme's temperature.

"Oh, ever since he moved from Columbus, Ohio, I think. So about six years. If I'm honest, I'm surprised he hasn't been married yet. There're plenty of the young nurses who would love to be called Mrs Cullen."

"How can a man like him not be married?" Esme asked in wonder as the nurse wrote down her blood pressure and temperature.

"Now that, my girl, is a question many a woman has asked." The nurse winked and left as the curtain opened and Carlisle returned.

"Now, Esme, let's get you patched up and well again so you may enjoy the rest of this beautiful day."

"Thank you, Doctor. Do you not wish you too could enjoy the sunshine, rather than working all day?" Esme asked as Carlisle turned to dip the plaster strip in warm water.

"Oh no. I enjoy my work far too much to regret missing a sunny day to do it." _That and he would stand out rather a lot in the sunshine_, I thought to myself. Although I knew he spoke the truth when he said he enjoyed his work. It was crystal clear and written on his face. Being a doctor wasn't just a career or job to Carlisle, it was part of who he was. His need and wish to help people is rooted down in his soul and had been even when he was human. I knew that from when he took me in when I was just nine years old. A nine year old girl, lost and homeless, and he hadn't seemed to bat an eyelash as to what he would do. There weren't many who would do such a thing.

I sat watching as Carlisle and Esme interacted. It was small talk really, just simple questions that to any outsider would seem like just a method to pass the time. But whenever my eyes glanced upon them, away from the mint green walls and chipped vanished floors, they were learning about each other in a very tentative way. Esme mentioned her love of peace, reading, and learning. While Carlisle enthused about how he also enjoyed reading and therefore asked her for her favourite titles. It was genial conversation but it showed snippets of the people I knew them to be in their future. The perfect match, just a few years ahead.

A flurry of movement snapped me out of my reverie as I saw Carlisle helping Esme onto her crutches, her newly plastered foot creating a large, cumbersome boot for her to manoeuvre.

"Try not to put too much weight on it. It's fairly secure but too much walking could displace it and cause it to heal incorrectly."

"Certainly, and thank you so much, Doctor." She said as he helped her steady herself on the crutches.

"It was my pleasure, Esme and please call me Carlisle," I watched with a smile as Esme flushed ad nodded, her loosened hair flopping slightly over her face.

"Perhaps, Miss St Clair could help you back to your home?" Carlisle asked me and I nodded vigorously. "Of course. I wouldn't dream of letting her walk home alone."

I followed Esme out towards the door but turned back to see Carlisle watching us leave, an almost regretful look on his face.

"I just want to have a quick word at the desk about something, Esme. Could you wait for me on the bench outside?" she nodded and made her way outside while I doubled back to Carlisle. He was already finishing his notes for Esme's file when I found him.

"Dr Cullen," He turned to me with a querying expression.

"Yes, Miss St Clair?" I grinned at the formality.

"I just wanted to thank you for your excellent help today."

"It's my pleasure, really."

"I know, but you really put her at ease."

"She's a lovely girl; it's easy to talk with someone such as her."

"She is, isn't she?" I felt myself stare at him, looking at the way he'd slicked his hair back and the way he had his stethoscope and pens arranged in his breast pocket.

"Was that all, Miss?"

"Look, Carlisle. Do you mind if I call you Carlisle, or would you prefer Dr Cullen?"

"You may call my Carlisle if you prefer," he replied with an intrigued expression. Had he actually told us his first name during Esme's examination? I couldn't remember although his expression hinted that he had not.

"Thank you. It doesn't really feel right calling you Dr Cullen, not after..." I cut myself off because I realised this was, for him, our first conversation, our first meeting. It was almost frustrating to talk to him but know that he had never spoken to me before, that he had no recollection of who I was. I couldn't just spill out everything here and now. I had Esme waiting and it was the middle of a busy hospital, I couldn't recount our every meeting.

I huffed and bit my lip as I looked up at him. He was confused that much was clear in his expression, but he was wary as well. That showed all too well in his golden eyes. "Not after, what, Miss?"

"Oh please. Don't call me Miss. I know it's fitting for the times but you and I have known and will know some many other eras that surely we can just talk to each other without all that formal nonsense. My name is Sarelle," I said with a smile and although Carlisle seemed to be questioning my words intensely he also seemed to realise that here was not the place for interrogations.

"Then I shall call you Sarelle."

"Thanks," I chirped as he led us to a more hidden side of the room, out the way of prying eyes.

"If you don't mind me asking, what are you?"

"That's a very loaded question, Carlisle," I said with a chuckle. "What am I? To be honest, I have no idea." I giggled before calming myself and speaking clearly. "I'm not a vampire, as you can tell. I would call myself human but a human with a little oddness thrown in. The easiest explanation is to say I'm a time traveller. But I have absolutely no idea how or why. I just am. You promise me you'll find a reason for it. Or at least the future you."

"My future self? So am I to assume you know me? You clearly...know what I am." He spoke in a low voice as he covertly scanned the passing faces.

"I do, I've known you for years, Carlisle. Years and years and I've cared for you as a friend for just as long. That's why I can tell you're lonely, Carlisle. You're not meant to be lonely, it doesn't suit you. Although you're looking well as usual," I said with another smile. They came so easily with Carlisle, even if he looked on at me with bemusement.

"Excuse me, Sarelle, but this is all so..."

"Strange?"

"Perplexing would be my choice of wording."

"I can't explain it now, Carlisle. But you'll get your answers soon, I promise. I just wanted to say one thing and that is that no one can last eternity alone. So when the time comes I want you to know that you did the right thing. Never doubt that."

"When the time comes? I'm afraid I don't comprehend your meaning, Sarelle."

"I know you don't now, and in a way I wish I could better explain it, but I can't. It would take too long and I've left Esme outside. All I can say is that you'll know the moment when it comes. She'll want it just as much as you and he'll come to be like a son to you."

"Who? How will I know? Can you not explain this to me properly, perhaps later today?" Carlisle touched my arm as his eyes urged me to look at him, to agree. I frowned because I couldn't do any of those things or answer any of those questions.

"I can't, unfortunately. Firstly I have a feeling I'll be gone by later today, and secondly I can't tell you too much, or at least I don't think I can." I bit my lip. This was all getting too confusing.

"It might change the future, unless this conversation is what formed the future and therefore by having it nothing actually changes but in fact happens as it already has happened in my past." I gushed as I tried to clear the mess in my mind.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle, but I have to go. Just remember what I said. I'll miss you, but I'll see you soon...about six years to be exact." I gave him a quick hug before I waved and left him staring after me. I hated leaving clues instead of answers, but it was the best I could do. I couldn't tell him directly that changing Edward was a good thing, or that changing Esme after her suicide would lead to his soul mate. I could only hint and hope he read the signs when they came.

"Did you get what you went for?" Esme asked when I met her outside.

"I think so. Now which is the quickest way to your home?"

"It's a moderate walk away from here, down Elm Street and off down the track." She pointed in a westerly direction, towards the small pockets of trees and fields.

"Near the farm land?"

"Yes, although not quite as far. My father's a blacksmith so he has to be near the horses." She winced a little as we worked to stand her up.

"I'll hail a cart; it'll be faster and better for your leg."

"Oh no, you don't have to do that. I can't walk, truly. It would be silly to spend the money."

"Nonsense. Carlisle said not to let you walk on it too much, so I'm going to do my best to follow his instruction."

"Carlisle? You mean Dr Cullen? I didn't realise you knew him." I realised I'd messed up.

"Oh I don't but I noticed it written on his coat. Perhaps you were too dazzled to notice." I teased and Esme giggled as I hailed a cart.

"When he came in, I have to admit I was speechless. None of the other men around here are half as handsome, and he was so gentle and kind. And his smile, it just seemed light up his face," she explained wistfully before seeming to become embarrassed. "Would you listening to me, gushing about some man I hardly know and who probably wouldn't look twice at a sixteen year old girl." She smiled weakly; laughing at what she thought was her own silliness.

"Why ever not?" I asked as the cart driver climbed back up onto his seat after helping us in.

"Well for one he's older than me, and for another it's a rare event for a doctor to marry a blacksmith's daughter."

"I've heard of stranger things," I replied as I looked back at the hospital.

Esme called our destination to the drive and the cart started to pull away. Our ride to her house didn't take long, fifteen minutes perhaps. When it stopped I saw an auburn woman peer out the window, and on seeing Esme, rushed out the little two storey cottage.

"Oh, Esme, darling what happened?" the woman gushed as her hands wiped on her dirtied apron.

"It's nothing to worry about, mother. I just fell out of a tree while reading. The fall caused me to break my leg but Miss St Clair, Sarelle, here helped me to the hospital." I heard Esme explain as I paid the driver.

"Esme, how many times have I told you? You're too old to be climbing trees." Her mother fussed and scolded but her large, round, eyes showed her concern.

"I know, mother." Esme sighed as the woman tutted and bustled around her like a mother hen.

"Well, Esme. It's been a pleasure meeting you, but I really must carry on. I was merely passing through today," I said as I rearranged my bag on my back. The tingle buzzed in my ears, alerting me to its presence, whispering the need for goodbyes.

"Oh, how rude of me, to not even introduce myself," Esme's mother exclaimed as she came towards me, her hands open before enclosing around one of mine. "I'm Amelia Platt, Esme's mother. I can't thank you enough for helping my darling Esme. Will you allow me to at least attempt to show my gratitude with a cup of tea, and perhaps a bowl of soup? It's homemade, just today." I glanced at Esme and saw the welcoming, albeit embarrassed, smile on her face.

"Mrs Platt, it's a very kind offer but..."

"I will not take no as an answer Miss St Clair."

"A bowl of soup would be lovely then, Mrs Platt, but I regret that I cannot stay for long."

The words, when I spoke them, had been true. I hadn't planned on staying anymore than an hour at most. However Mrs Platt was a very generous host and by the time I came to leave around early evening, my stomach was round and warm, filled with tea, cake, soup, and freshly baked bread rolls. It was a homely meal and a welcome one since I didn't know when I would next eat.

I had said my goodbyes and left the house, when I felt the urge to remember this day. It was with that urge that I turned around, retrieved my camera from my bag and took a photo of the quaint cottage, nestled amongst its herb garden and chicken pen. It wasn't until I looked at the picture after wards that I noticed I hadn't just captured the cottage, but I had also captured the image of a sixteen year old Esme sitting gazing out of the window, the sun lighting her face and revealing a tranquil—almost dreamy—expression on her face. If I was to place money on the reason for that expression, I would bet my life's possessions on a certain vampire doctor.


	49. Chapter 48

******Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Sorry it took so long, but I've just started university so time is a little sparse.**

**xx**

It was dark. I hated the dark. It may have been a fairly irrational fear, considering my knowledge of the creatures that lurked in the darkness, but nonetheless it chilled my bones.

I reached my hands out in front of me and found them scrabbling on a dry wooden surface. A door? The scent of pine and oak drifted around through hot, stuffy atmosphere. I tried to turn, or shuffled back, but all I felt was another boxed in side. Wherever I had arrived to it was a small dark space, and I thought I could feel pieces of fabric—clothing—hanging around me. An image of Narnia slipped into my mind but it did little to quell the fear.

As the tingle's buzz cleared from my ears I felt my body turn rigid. Screams, crying, bloodcurdling shouts, growls, screeching metal as if it were being torn. They were all that filled the air. My breathing accelerated as the sounds stopped and started until they fell into silence, only the faint crackling of flames took their place.

My hands traced the wooden door in front of me, searching for a handle, but there was nothing. Just the rough surface which threatened to impale my fingertips with splinters.

Smoke drifted up through the cracks in the door and I whimpered as images of roaring flames filled my mind. I could think of no worse way to die than to be burnt alive. I coughed as the sweet, acrid fumes filled my lungs. It didn't smell like the usual kind. There was no woodsy scent, just the smell of thick incense. It was too sweet, too thick, too heavy.

My coughing spluttered as I tried to kick the door open. I'd rather run through fire than choke on this sweet smoke. I could already feel my head swirling with the strength of it.

And then, in flash, the door was gone and in the space where it had been stood a dainty figure of darkness, the fire dancing outside the house it and I stood in. I could see it flickering off its long black cloak, licks of orange and red cutting through the thick violet smoke.

"Well what do we have here?" The figure spoke, and the words were so sweet, so feminine, so deadly, that there was no way it could be anything other than a female vampire.

Her hand shot out, stark white in the dusky darkness, to wrap around my wrist. The strength she used to yank me forward very nearly broke my bones, nearly but not quite. Instead I could feel them bruising and bending in her iron grip.

"Master, we have a live one," she drawled as she turned slightly to the open doorway of the house. Her eyes caught the light, and it seemed like they glowed, a bloody, violent red set in her marble, cherubic face.

No sooner had her words been spoke than another figure appeared before us. He was tall and lean with black hair that seemed to blend with the ebony of his robe. My heart was hammering against my chest as I looked up into his filmy red eyes. They seemed to sparkle as he looked at me, curiosity almost burning away the misty layer over the irises.

"She's so...vital," the girl murmured as she raked her eyes over my body, pausing to stare hungrily at my neck. I knew my heartbeat would be like a calling drum to them, each beat creating a rhythm for their monster to dance to.

"Jane, watch over the clean up, please. Felix is still a little overzealous with his duties." The man ordered in a persuasive voice. Persuasive and yet it held no room for refusal. His hand touched Jane's where she held me, lightly telling her to let go.

Jane removed her hand with an awkwardly movement before leaving the room in an instant. I was used to vampire speed, but that was with the Cullens, and Aslo. These vampires had no humanity left in them so somehow their speed all the faster.

I tore my eyes away from the door through which Jane left, to the man standing in front of me. He was still observing me, although unlike Jane he had yet to hold me against my will. He just watched with those peculiar eyes. Although my heart was pounding against my chest, and my palms felt clammy, I was determined not to show fear so my face was set like stone.

"What is your name, child?" he asked as his head cocked to the side.

I stayed silent, my lips pressed together, and my eyes never leaving his.

"Silence, no screams? No questions, or pleads of mercy?" I scowled at his demeanour. What did he expect? Did he think I would beg him to save me, spare me? He was a vampire, and by the colour of his eyes he drank blood like mine to survive. He wouldn't give me mercy so why should I waste my last breaths giving him the satisfaction of seeing me lose all dignity and strength?

My scowl became a foolish mocking smirk as he tried to stare me down.

"As you wish, if you won't tell me then I'll just take it by force."

He moved so quickly I didn't have time to react. His hands locked around my wrists like manacles, and it took all my determination to hold in the screams as his grip bent my bones, so close to breaking. I couldn't stop the small whimper that slipped out before he lurched away from me.

"So many memories, places, times," he gasped before his eyes caught mine, a million questions running behind their surface. "What are you?" he marvelled.

"Eleazar," he snapped, not through anger but impatience.

Yet another vampire appeared at his side, its dark red eyes casting an intrigued glance between me and his master.

"Yes, master?" Eleazar's black hair shone softly, reflecting the hot colours of the fire through the rolling waves of his bobbed hair.

"It appears Jane has found this little anomaly which has me quite intrigued. Would you mind?" the master waved his hand towards me, stepping back slightly to allow Eleazar to stand directly in front.

"Certainly, master," Eleazer spoke politely, dipping his head before stepping towards me. He was taller than me again, but not by much. I would place him at 5 ft 11 at most. His features were like those of the Spanish immigrants in DeSoto—large eyes and full lips, with a strong masculine jaw. If it weren't for his red eyes and pale skin tone I would think he looked exactly like one of the matadors that danced with the bulls. A proud stance and dark features.

"Look at me," he breathed, a lover's caress rolling of his tongue. I almost felt my eyes drift to his just by the sound of his seductive voice, but I held myself strong, staring only at the floor.

"Look at me," he hissed a little firmer, touching his cold finger to my chin and forcing my head upwards. I clenched my eyes shut and heard his master chuckled.

"She's stubborn, isn't she." he said as if that amused him. I didn't want to amuse him, like some dancing chimp or foolish clown. I opened my eyes to scowl at the master, gritting my teeth and clenching my jaw.

Eleazar caught my gaze and it seemed that only that second was needed. I felt myself get locked in his ruby eyes, happy memories of Aslo passing through my mind. I didn't see any of the world that surrounded me, or the vampire in front of me. I just saw Aslo, and felt the safety he offered me in the darkness.

When my eyes started to hurt I blinked and the memories vanished. Instead I saw Eleazar staring at me with wonder and confusion on his face.

"Such power for one so young, so mortal," he whispered, as if by accident. It was like he was too lost in his own discovery that he didn't realise he was voicing his thoughts out loud.

"Eleazar?" his master urged him.

"My apologies, master, but she...she holds gifts I've never come across before. In all my years I've never felt something like this." There was a heavy pause as his master stood staring at me, clearly waiting for an explanation.

"She's human but there's something—a part of her design—which gives her the ability to—from what I can gather—travel through time." I sent an accusing glare at Eleazar. Whatever safety I had felt during that moment earlier had been wiped away. He had revealed my secret and I knew that could only have bad consequences.

"A time traveller, what a wonderful surprise! Hmmm, you, my dear, are my little diamond in the rough," the master cooed as he reached to stroke my face. I jerked away but that only seemed to humour him more.

"Now, now, child. Don't be like that, not when I am so looking forward to you joining our little family."

I gritted my teeth and huffed, enduring the creeping cold of his touch as it slide down my cheek. _My skin felt like it was trying to glide to the back of my body_.

"Heidi," the master said softly and a stunning brunette beauty came to stand at his other side. I tried to ignore how her tongue slipped out to lick her full lips.

"Find somewhere safe for our guest," the master said, not taking his eyes off me. I wondered if he saw the dread in my eyes.

"Guest, master?" Heidi asked.

"Yes, Miss Sarelle St Clair will be joining us back in Volterra. In more ways than one."

* * *

I stared at the same wall as I had been for what seemed like an eternity. In reality the number of days I'd watched pass by through my barred window told me it had only been about a week since I arrived at Volterra.

I had already counted the number of azure diamonds in the pattern of the wallpaper on the wall in front of me. Three hundred and forty-three blue diamond shapes cut apart by ribbons of golden. I didn't doubt that the golden colour actually had gold threat woven into it. It showed in the way the sunset bounced off it, making it glimmer. It was beautiful; in fact the whole room was beautiful, for a prison cell. It held the finest French furniture, some of the greatest Italian art pieces. Even the carpet I paced upon was made by the talented hands of Persian weavers. It was luxury, but the barred windows and thick locked door ruined the magnificence of it.

I was locked in day and night ever since they stuffed me in here those seven days ago. Of course I had visitors: vampires bringing me food, or carrying out orders to wash and dress me like some rag doll. I could see the hunger in their eyes every time they came, every time that door shut behind them. But it seemed their master had a firmer hold over them than the monster in their natures because they never touched me, not once.

I shifted, heaving the thick skirt of my dress as I moved the circle room, again. The dress itself was far more extravagant than any outfit I had ever worn, but it was heavy and cumbersome to move around in. The layers of frothy skirt accentuated my small waist while the corset constricted my torso to the point of affecting my breathing. Heidi had tied it too tight deliberately. She always did. She was the one chosen to dress me more often than not. She was, in a way, my glorified baby sitter, and I reminded her of that fact as much as possible just to push her temper. She seemed to enjoy our battles of will.

The door clunked as it usually did when someone inserted the key into the lock. I didn't bother turning to see who it was; instead I kept my gazed fixed on the fading sunlight outside my window.

"Good evening, Sweetness. How is that corset feeling?" Heidi's smug voice drifted over to me and I turned to toss her a snarky smile.

"Just perfectly. Still on babysitter duties I see. Next they'll have you scrubbing my toilet." I turned back to the window as she released a snicker.

"I'm far too pretty for that," she said with an offhand tone. It was true; she was a marvellous beauty but with it came a deep narcissism. I couldn't understand why the master had kept her around, although I didn't know much about this place at all. I could hear nothing through the walls, could see nothing but the sky out the window, and couldn't roam anywhere but this room to learn anything. I didn't even know the true name of the vampire who had instigated my kidnap.

I sighed as I listened to the silence. I knew Heidi would still be behind me, but she produced no noise, not even a creak on the wooden flooring.

"You haven't eaten your breakfast. Tut tut, Sweetness, we can't have you going all sour and insipid. It's a good thing you'll be attending dinner with the masters tonight. They'll make sure you eat." I spun with shock at her news. I had never been expected at dinner. My mind started to whirl at the connotations of such an event. Vampires didn't eat so surely they couldn't mean a true dinner.

Heidi glanced up at me with an evil glint in her red eyes.

"You didn't think I came here just for your company, did you?" Heidi giggled and went to thumb through the wardrobe of dresses; although a wardrobe seemed too small for the ornate piece of furniture that held the several extraordinary fashionable fabrics.

"Now how about this one?" She pulled out a deep blood red dress with pearls stitched onto the breast in an ornate pattern. The waist seemed impossibly small in comparison to the large bell like skirt.

I stared silently at her as she grinned and picked up a delicate red choker.

"Yes, this dress, and I think this will look...exquisite around that delicate neck of yours." I sniffed and turned away, standing and waiting for her to just get on with her task. At first I had complained, kicked, lashed out but it made no different and it hurt me more than her. Now I was passive but resentful. I would make sure I kept the demeanour through my dinner this evening. The master had mentioned joining their family but I wouldn't join willingly, I'd make sure he knew that.

It didn't take long for Heidi to finish dressing me up. She took pleasure in scraping her nails along my scalp and dragging my hair up into an intricate piled of curls on the top of my head. When it came to placing the choker around my neck her focus was like that of a hunter, trained on its prey and measuring every minute movement. I tried not to show any fear as she dragged a large breath into her lungs, her face hovering just inches from my neck.

"You look almost pretty, Sweetness," she sneered as she led me out the door for the first time.

My mind thought freedom in that fleeting moment before my eyes registered the thick stone walls and dismal grey, endless tunnel.

"Try and keep up. It would be such a shame if you got lost, who knows what would happen to you." Heidi's voice showed it wouldn't be a shame at all. In fact I had a feeling—if her master wasn't so possessive of me—she would enjoy finding me bloodied and broken in some dark corridor.

I trudged behind her. I didn't run to keep pace but neither did I walk deliberately slow. I didn't want to be left but I enjoyed how I could irritate her. After all if she lost me it would be her head that rolled. For once I liked the fact I was seen as the weak human.

We walked for an age through the sienna bricked corridors and lantern lit staircases. Finally, however we arrived at a grand wooden door, engraved with blackened wrought iron in strong swirling shapes.

Heidi knocked once and a silent reply caused her to open the door wide, revealing to me a room glowing with candlelight. The flames housed in their large glass casings lit up a large rectangular table set out with a single seating at the nearest end of the table. At the far end sat three men, vampires, all cloaked in the darkness ebony. I recognised the central character as my captor, but the other two seemed to hold just a high a holding in this place as he did.

"Miss Sarelle St Clair, as you requested," Heidi bowed her head as she pushed me forward into the room.

There was no one else in there except the three men, no other eyes except their three ruby gazes. It was strange how, although the colour matched, the expressions in their eyes differed greatly. The central man had the same excitement and curiosity behind the filmy surface, while the man to his right appeared to feel nothing but boredom. The one to his left whose hair was as white as snow projected nothing but animosity in his gaze. It was as if the central man was the balance of the two on either side of him.

"Welcome, Sarelle. Please have a seat." The middle man enthused as he stood and indicated the seat in front of the place setting.

I moved cautiously and sat down, rearranging my skirt so it didn't gather beneath me.

"Who are you?" I asked once I heard the door close behind me.

"How rude of me! Of course we should introduce ourselves. We, my dear, are the Volturi. I myself am Aro, to might right is Marcus, and my left is Caius," Aro explained with a smile and I felt my heart palpitate in my chest.

"The Volturi." I murmured at the recognition. Aslo's story rattled through my brain and I felt a moment of awe at the fact I was sitting opposite the very vampires that had such power and ruling amongst the world of vampirism.

"I believe your friend, Aslo, told you of us. Although I hope you won't hold any prejudice given his biased story." I frowned at Aro's words. How could he know that?

"You are not the only one with gifts, child. Neither are the Cullens." He said with a sly smile. He knew of Aslo, or the Cullens, he had known my name without my telling him.

"You know about my life?"

"Every thought, event, and memory. They were rather intriguing I have to say, although not always clear." Aro smiled and in that smile I saw something sour. He knew about Edward and I, the fact the Cullens had revealed their secret to a human, the fact Aslo had revealed his own secret. He would even know about Bella. Wouldn't he? If my memories weren't all that clear then perhaps some things could still be a mystery to him.

"I do not enjoy having my privacy invaded." I ground out through gritted teeth.

"It didn't seem to be a problem when young Edward was the one doing the invading." Aro said lightly, revealing yet again how much he knew.

"That was different."

"Yes, quite. And most unusual as well. I've never heard of a vampire and a human." Aro laughed a little at the idea while Caius sneered in disgust. "They should be punished for such a disobedience."

"It wasn't their fault that i knew and as for the first comment, that's an outright lie and you know it." My words halted them instantly.

"How dare you accuse us, human." Caius spat but I just stared blankly at him.

"Now now, brother mine, Miss St Clair is allowed her opinions." _But of course they mean nothing._ I read the end of sentence by just looking at Aro's stance. I was just a human, my words meant nothing to them except perhaps to entertain for a while. To feed their lust for power and knowledge.

"Ah here is your dinner," Aro called as a vampire deposited a plate full of herbed meat, freshly cooked pasta, and a seasoned salad. It smelt divine, and my mouth watered just at the sight of it.

"Please eat. You are our guest after all." Aro smiled genially at me and all other thoughts left my mind. My stomach growled and I couldn't ignore it, so I tore into the meal, my manners long forgotten. I hadn't eaten properly in a week and it had taken its toll on my hunger.

The Italian herbs played on my tongue as I ate my way through the meal, not allowing myself to even look around me.

"We must feed you more often. I'm afraid we have all forgotten what it was like to be human." I glanced up at Aro as he spoke and saw a glimmer of interest and wistfulness. His brothers were again polar opposites. Marcus stared off into space, no expression on his face, while Caius' face was twisted with disgust. Of course human food smelt like decay and dirt to them.

"Now, Miss St Clair, we are most intrigued by your ability. Am I right to say you developed it at the age of nine?" Aro asked and I nodded through a mouthful.

"Now what I find most intriguing is the patterns of your jumps, the tendency to visit certain people throughout their lifetimes. The Cullens more often than not."

I stopped eating and placed the utensils down with a deliberate movement. "Yes although the fact that I knew what they were was not their fault," I said carefully.

"Oh yes, I realise that. You learnt that when you were just ten, yes? When Carlisle was attacked." Aro's eyes watched me carefully, measuring my reaction to his words. If he thought I would break down at the horror of the memory then he was wrong.

"You've seen my memories, so why bother with these questions?"

"You intrigue me, Sarelle. And as for your memories, as I explained earlier they were not always clear. This current that seems to possess you seems to make your mental signature a little static." His head tilted as he studied me but I kept my bored exterior.

"There was, however, a name that was rather intriguing. Isabella Swan, I believe it was."

"What about her?" I said flatly.

"Oh did you hear that brothers?" Aro chuckled. "I believe there is some jealousy harboured against Miss Swan."

"Nonsense." I snapped.

"But of course it makes perfect sense to feel such an emotion, given she stole away dear Edward, didn't she?"

Caius thumped the table at the new revelation, turning to Aro with incredulous eyes. "He has broken the rules twice! How can he be so insolent!" Aro waved him off as he explained.

"My dear brother, as of this date he has not committed this treason. It is one of the many events that will occur in our future. We can't act upon a law break that has not yet happened. Can we?"

"But, Aro, we know it will happen, we could use her as proof that we know. Imagine the shock of being betrayed by one you loved. They would crumble instantly. It would be perfect." Caius argued but Aro dismissed him once again.

"All in due time, Caius."

I smirked as I watched their discussion. "How does it feel to be insignificant, disposable, Caius?"

His eyes widened and his nostrils flared as he stood violently from his chair. He would have been at my side in an instant if Aro had not caught his hand.

"Caius, don't listen to the silly human. She's merely saying those things to irritate you."

"But I'm not to be human for long, am I? How will you wave off my comments then?" I spat as I rose from my chair.

"I do wish you wouldn't be so difficult, Sarelle." Aro sighed.

"I'm being held here against my will, having my whole life's memories plundered and examined for your own personal gain. How else am I to act?" I growled as I stared at the two vampires whose eyes showed their irritation. Marcus still seemed far away from this room, his eyes almost vacant. I couldn't help but wonder what had caused him to be that way. Why he never said a word, or reacted to anything around him.

"You could act like you're glad to be alive for one thing." Caius hissed and it was deadly, like death rolling through the air. A swift chill of icy words.

"No, why would she want that, Caius, when in fact she wishes herself dead," Aro whispered and although the words were soft they knocked the wind out of me. That was a secret, a dark, dark secret that I didn't even reveal to myself. It wasn't that I openly sought death but it was always there in my psyche. I was always wondering if it was just around the corner. Always wondering if peace waited for me in death. I wanted that peace, so indirectly, yes, I welcomed death. I just hated that they knew that, that they knew my weakness.

I bit my tongue against the furious lump in my throat. I was done talking.

"Heidi, would you please return Miss St Clair to her room. I believe the night has outworn its joviality." I turned and saw Heidi open the door, a polite smile on her face.

"Of course, Master Aro," she said sweetly as she tugged me forward.

The walk back to my room didn't seem to take as long, but isn't that always the case? It always seems to take longer getting somewhere unknown than returning to somewhere you've been once before.

She roughly shoved me through the door and I turned to see her standing in the darkness, her eyes and teeth glinting.

"Night night, sweetness, sleep tight, don't let the vampires bite."She snapped her teeth before slamming the door in my face. It shut with a loud thud although I could still hear her laughter as it echoed around the walls.

**Thanks for reading!**

**x**


	50. Chapter 49

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: I could have went into so much more detail with this segment, but I chose to keep it simple. Many of you may think the Volturi meant the immediate end for Sarelle and therefore this story, but I have more to weave through this plotline. They will return, but I think we all already knew that. A pointer as to how much more of this story is left...Sarelle still has a few more jumps, the next one after this will be the last one which (in my opinion) is just written to add something to the story, age Sarelle, but not really carry too much further forward. It was the time period I had the most fun researching, and was always going to be in the story.**

**As for the POV I was planning on writing...well firstly I got distracted and then I had an idea that meant I could put a few more POVs in. Unfortunately, for it to be at it's best, I'd have to send people it as a file because it has various fonts that correspond to different characters. The name of it is: The Known and Recorded History of Miss Sarelle St Clair.**

**If you want the file then feel free to send me a message with your email and I'll send it to you. I'll completely understand if you're not too keen on doing that so if no one messages me within the next two weeks I'll post it up as a separate document on here, or at least parts of it so that the ending of the story isn't given away.**

**Finally, apologies for this update, firstly because it's late, secondly because it's a little rushed (or at least it seems that way to me). **

**Happy reading!**

I would have thought my behaviour would have guaranteed my constant imprisonment, but it didn't. Instead it seemed Aro took it upon himself to ensure I spent only my nights sleeping alone in my room. He would always summon me through Heidi, and would send me off with her when he had had enough of my silence. I never talked when I was with him and any words I shared with Heidi were just a part of our stubborn interactions. Me, always pushing her patience, while she tried to instil fear through her threatening actions. Neither of us ever broke down or showed the other weakness, so in a way I enjoyed my small battles with her.

My time spent with Aro—and only Aro since neither of his brothers seemed inclined to know me—consisted of one sided conversations and an education of sorts. He never told me much about the inner workings of the Volturi, or even what uses the many vampire members they had were. Instead he tried to amaze me with the lavish artefacts and objects they had collected over the years, the extraordinary art collection they had, and the confusing symbiotic relationship they had with the people of Volterra.

"You see our city is the safest in the world, my dear. No vampires are permitted to hunt here, and any crimes committed are solved within record time—thanks to our ability to aid the police force," Aro continued as we walked along one of the brighter corridors in the castle.

"We never have contact with the police ourselves, but our receptionist, Luella, is able to communicate any knowledge we know with the greatest of discretion." He indicated the solitary human woman—visible through the arch—who sat at her desk in an expansive hall.

I looked at her with confusion. It wasn't that I couldn't understand why the Volturi had a human within their midst, or even why she chose to work for them. I understood those things. They needed someone to act as the welcoming face and go between. And she was probably attracted by the beauty, wealth, and possibility of immortality as sickening as that seemed. What puzzled me was how they held the law of secrecy so high in regard and yet they discarded it for their own purposes. What message did that give out to their 'subjects'?

"Come, Sarelle, I shall show you the art we have gathered from the romantic era, it was such a beautiful time," he said wistfully as he gently pressed his hand to the middle of my back. I was wearing another 'gift', a black and red gown that seemed more appropriate for a royal ball than a day trip around the castle. However, since this was my fourth outing in just as many days, I knew that the dresses I wore were mere rags to them.

We travelled a little higher, along a corridor with tall arching painted glass windows on either side. Each pane was a complex mosaic of colour glass pieces, all coming together to form an image that depicted something of significance. Although I couldn't possibly say what they meant to the Volturi.

We entered into a room of muted light which was probably to protect the hundreds of paintings that hung on the tall walls. It seemed the room was the height of two storeys although there was no middle floor creating a huge expanse of space. Although there was no solid second floor, there was a wooden walkway that followed the walls, allowing someone to look at the paintings higher up without having to stand so far away.

I knew Aro showed me all these things in a way to dazzle me, maybe show me a glimpse of what life with the Volturi offered you. It was probably to make the fact he planned on changing me a more favourable option, and for many humans this amount of richness would be a definite draw. Even for me I adored the history they had collected, and marvelled at the magnificent artistic pieces they had in their possession. But it wasn't enough for me to want to join them.

"This room contains four hundred and fifty one paintings from the years of the seventeen hundreds and eighteen hundreds." Aro's voice echoed around the cavernous space, encompassing me with his mellow tenor.

The view of all the paintings was almost too much for the mind. The colours and images within them were so rich and vibrant, so luxurious. If any human had a collection such as this it would almost nearly all but prints or copies, but these were originals. Priceless pieces of Michel Angelo, Rosetti, Gainsborough, Hogarth. Countless styles and techniques that showed just how individual an artist was in their era.

After my moment awe I wandered towards a painting that caught my eye, one of many that drew my attention in the vast room. It was a castle, much like this one, only it was raging with fire and the sky above it was thick with smoke.

As the hair on the back of my exposed neck stood on end I knew Aro was beside me. I just knew his presence now, perhaps it was a reaction, an adaptation, given he made no sound.

"The storming of the Bastille. _Prise de la Bastille_. It occurred in 1789, another example of how humanity revolts at any given cause. It's almost barbaric, the lack of control they have. We, the Volturi, pride ourselves on our diplomacy, rules, and enforcement. We guide our race firmly, and because of that our secret has remained. Can you imagine there ever being such order within the human race?"

I didn't answer. I wanted to combat his opinion but there was part of me that could recognise his point. There were so many within the world who wanted peace across the globe but there was no form of ruling that could possibly promise such a thing. I may not have agreed with the Volturi or their way of life, but I couldn't say that they had not succeeded in maintaining their goal. They wanted to be kept a secret for the human world, and they were. Still I couldn't keep the sour dislike for them off my tongue for long, because I knew what they did to Derren, Aslo's maker. How could denying someone the love of their life be fair?

I turned away from the painting and looked instead upon a picture with the trio painted in all their finery amongst the dancing crowds and tall pillars of a grand hall. They looked superior, godly, and awe-inspiring as they looked down upon the people dancing below.

My eyes scanned the picture, until they settled on a figure standing just to the right of Marcus. He was dressed in cream and gold, the perfect colours to bring out his blonde hair and golden eyes. I knew his soft expression in an instant and I felt my mouth drop open slightly as I realised what it meant.

"Ah yes. Carlisle. I had almost forgotten this painting was here," Aro mused although I could tell from his tone that he hadn't forgotten at all. Was it even possible for vampires to forget?

"He spent some time with us during the eighteenth century. He's a dear friend of ours, and yours I believe." I turned to Aro and saw him smiling down at me, almost as if we were friends ourselves. Two friends enjoying art and each other's company. I couldn't agree with him on the latter part but I had to at least be grateful for him letting me out of my room.

"You and he share a great friendship, do you not?"

I replied with a glance and a short nod before looking back at the painting.

"It must have been very hard for you to leave the Cullens. I understand that humans can develop great feelings for our kind. But that is the manner of the human nature; you all live such short lives that you all seem set on doing everything with such ferocity. You wage wars, you profess love and hate so easily. Time means everything to you because you have so little of it."

I looked up at Aro again, passing over the mass of ebony that shrouded his body until I saw his eyes not looking at me but at a painting not far from where we stood.

"To us time means nothing." He guided me to the painting he was looking at almost unconsciously. It showed a woman, so beautiful she could only be immortal. Her black coffee coloured hair was as glossy as her red lips, and her face was a masterpiece of deeply set eyes, a straight nose, and an angular jaw. She was dressed in a frothy ivory dress that seemed to match the tone of her skin, and she sat in what seemed like a parlour filled with flowers. The muted shades of the roses behind her made her long wavy hair stand out as she brushed it. It was a painting that showed her power but still highlighted how feminine she was.

"It was painted by Dante Gabriel Rosetti in the early seventeenth century. Her name was Didyme. She was my sister and Marcus' wife. I changed her shortly after I myself was changed. She died two hundred years ago in a battle within the borders of Russia," Aro stated factually although it made me look at the woman differently.

She looked so different from Aro. Her hair wasn't jet black and her features seemed more open and happy than the shrewd, curiosity Aro portrayed. He was a leader, a historian, an inquisitor, she wasn't. I wondered if that were why Aro spoke of her with little pride in his voice, or perhaps it was the fact she was no longer alive as a member of the undead that caused the sparse tone. Did he miss her? Were they close? How did he feel now that she was gone, that she had been with Marcus, that he suffers her death? There were so many questions I wanted to ask him but my vow of silence stopped me. That and the fact that I doubted he would tell me. No matter how much he talked and told me, I knew he never really told me anything of great importance.

"I show her to you because I feel she demonstrates well how little time means to us. For a human the hurt of losing what they loved diminishes, not for us, not really. Our memories never let us forget it. Marcus will never forget her and he will never return to what he was when he was with her."

Did I imagine the regret in his voice, the guilt? Had Aro facade slipped just for a moment? Why did he seem to feel that way about his dead sister? If I ever escaped here I would ensure to search for the answer to those questions. Perhaps Aslo or Carlisle could tell me a little more about the Volturi's history.

"Now I believe it is time for dinner, and I would very much like you to meet a few more of our family." The jolting change in tone, from sombre to jovial was strange. I cast him a questioning stare as he seemed to drift towards the door opposite the one we entered.

"My wife, Sulpicia, and Caius's wife, Athenodora, are anxious to meet you, as they do with all new prospects." I felt my empty stomach flutter at the idea of meeting the vampires I didn't even know existed. I had never thought of Aro and Caius having wives, although now it seemed to make perfect sense. They had been alive for millennia, nearly three of them to be exact. It was almost laughable that I hadn't assumed they had a partner to share that time with.

I followed the flowing form of Aro's cloak as he passed ahead of me into a richly decorated parlour. Amethyst walls seemed to shimmer when the dimming sunlight cast through the windows, and the stone floor looked as if it were skimmed over with ivory silk. The stones had been so well worn from years of use that their individualism had been wiped clean. I couldn't help wondering if that were the case with the Volturi guards as well.

The scent of smouldering oak and heady cloves drifted and clouded my head. As if it were all part of the seduction the Volturi wanted to pose.

Aro left my side briskly as the doors shut behind us and the next moment I was greeted by the five faces of what I now knew to be the heart of the Volturi.

Aro's arm didn't pass around the female's waist that he stood next to, but his posture was different. It was like he leant ever so slightly towards her but restrained himself from revealing a desire for anything other than power and victory. Nothing but his kingdom would truly matter to him.

The woman he clearly chose as his wife was a waifish woman with blonde hair so fair she could have been an angel, or ice maiden—I couldn't decide which because he face revealed nothing of her character. Her eyes were dark ruby, just has her lips were too. Both seemed to glimmer as the flames flicked. Of her face I could say only one thing; it was a face of irony. Her lips set in stony indifference, yet her eyes held so much that you had to question how she kept her face from showing any of what flashed behind those red irises.

I frowned as I stood in their silence and was directed to the second female as her giggles echoed in the room, tinkling like glass smashing against a stone floor.

"Look at her, she looks so confused. Aren't humans just the funniest things?" The second woman cooed as she leant forward to rest her rounded face on her hands. As she did so her vibrant red hair trickled down her pale forearm like blood leaking from a wound.

I rolled my eyes and looked away. I'd had enough experience with Heidi to know when to ignore a vampire. The difference was that I would talk to her, throw insults and remarks, whilst with these five—the Volturi leaders—I refused to say a thing.

"Oh, Caius, the human doesn't want to play." The redhead pouted at Caius who smiled indulgently.

"This meeting is not for fun, Athenodora." Aro cut in.

"It never is, it's always so serious. I swear if I weren't undead I would keel over from boredom."

Aro cast her a stern look and she huffed, sinking back into Caius' arms where I noticed him whisper something. The giggling returned but I decided not to bother figuring out why.

Aro's hand rested slowly and purposefully on his wife's shoulder as she sat in one of the armchairs, opposite where Caius and Athenodora were lounging on a love seat.

"Sarelle, this is my partner, Sulpicia, and you have already met Caius' mate, Athenodora. Would you care to sit?" he indicated a red velvet armchair, with French clawed feet. I perched on the very end.

"Are you hungry?" he asked again.

"Do we have to feed her here? It always smells so rotten, and it takes days to get the stink out," Athenodora whined as she stretched herself across Caius' lap, her hair falling in a thick wall of rippling red.

"Athena." Aro hissed and once more she huffed before entertaining herself with coiling a strand of her hair around her finger.

"Sarelle?" Aro prompted and I shook my head; I couldn't eat right now because my stomach was churning with the newness of the situation. I was used to being around one maybe two Volturi at a time, not five. Five was a lot of blood-drinkers to try and gauge.

I took a deep breath and forced my shoulders to drop and my back to straighten. I would not be intimidated. I had lived with the Cullens, they were vampires, there were more of them than these five here. Just because they had lived on animal blood didn't mean they were immune to the thirst. This would be no different to if I was sitting in the living room with them.

Once I had relaxed I let my eyes roam over to where Marcus sat staring into space, the same vacant, bored look on his face. In truth his face was the most interesting of them all, even in all its blankness. His eyes seemed softer somehow and his dark hair was almost boyish in its careless waves. He was fearsome, but out of all of them I could see more humanity in his face.

More humanity and yet he acted in a way that showed nothing human at all. A living statue, that's all he seemed to be.

"He intrigues you," Sulpicia murmured and I tore my gaze from Marcus to see her watching me intently.

She glanced at Marcus and I saw a smile creep on his face—faint but present. It was the kind of smile someone produced when they dream of something they liked or loved. It was the most reaction I'd ever seen him make.

"It's not real," Sulpicia said as I once again looked away from Marcus, although in the corner of my eye I could see that his face had faded back into blankness.

My eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as to what she meant. A smile is a smile; the reality of it doesn't come into it surely.

Sulpicia smiled knowingly at me and placed her hand in Aro's for a brief second, seeming to pass her thoughts to him.

Aro nodded and took the seat beside her, looking at me with his ever-curious eyes.

"It's my gift. Symbiosis, of sorts. I thrive on connections, relationships. It keeps me content, free of boredom. In return for this the partner in the connection receives a sense of wellbeing. I can alter their emotions, enter their mind and protect them from what hurts, or vice versa." Her eyes glinted as she mentioned those two final words. I could only imagine what it would be like to have her filtering nightmares into your mind, creating worlds within worlds where truths are lies and love haunts you on every step.

"Marcus is my symbiotic partner because he needs it most and give me the most to absorb. In return I ease the trauma of his past. I keep him from Didyme and the pain the memories of her would cause."

My mouth popped open as I looked at the dark haired man sitting in his usual stupor. It wasn't really him, he was just a shell of what he could be, what he would be if Sulpicia released him. Inside he was just a scrambled mess, a puppet to her powers. He may have lost love but was it really right of them all to choose this fate for him?

"Can you imagine it, Sarelle? You could live in peace. Edward wouldn't taunt you, your previous failings and pains would never touch you again. You'd be reborn in every sense of the word," Aro said warmly as he glided to my side.

_But who am I without my emotions, without my memories? Just a ghost...a ghost like the children called me at the orphanage. Too faint to make a difference, a Halfling with no past or future. So much lost time..._

Aro frowned at my recent thoughts as he touched my cheek. A brief moment of cold contact before I snapped my head away.

Aro turned to Sulpicia and her face changed to one of determination before it flashed back to calm.

"Look at me, Sarelle," she called sweetly.

My head turned without any intention of me doing so. Her voice was a lure, a sweet sound that made my muscles itch to go to her.

"You've lost so much, Sarelle. You've endured and you've battled. Let us help you. Let me soothe you. Let me show you what peace can feel like. Trust me, Sarelle. Trust me and I will promise you tranquillity." I felt my eyes lull in my head until they found hers, the ruby orbs pulling me in.

In a second I felt my body fill with euphoria, the room took on a beautiful rosy glow and the vampires around me all looked remarkably human, welcoming, and loving. Even Caius' face no longer looked hostile. They looked like a family, and I so much wanted to be a part of a family.

They edges of my vision shimmered slightly and it all seemed so surreal. Of course it would, it wasn't real. I knew that. I could feel it. The euphoria felt false, like a drug. I didn't want to forget, to fall, to surrender. I wanted to keep who I was, my memories, my emotions, my battle scars, and my victory wounds.

I tried to grit my teeth, to clench my fists but I couldn't. My whole body was slack and completely seduced by the fake feeling Sulpicia was pumping through me.

As fast as it had come, it left again.

My eyes blinked as they adjusted to the harsh reality.

"See, it could be like that always. You could feel that way anytime you wanted, forever if that was what you chose. Imagine an eternity of pure happiness," Sulpicia urged eagerly.

I shook my head. I didn't want it. Never would I want to live a life that wasn't real. Even if real life ends up killing me in the end.

"Oh, Aro, does she not speak? How cute to have a mute." Athenodora giggled patronisingly as she rose from Caius' lap while Aro and Sulpicia stood in silent conversation, they eyes fixed determinedly on me.

"Unfortunately, _Delicia_, she is no mute. However we are blessed that she has chosen to hold her insolent tongue as some childish sign of protest," Caius drawled and I scowled in his direction earning me a condescending smirk.

"Oh really, how sweet. Isn't funny how these humans think?" Athenodora mused as she went over to the fire and threw a hand full of dust onto the flames, turning them a brilliant red before they died back to orange. Another wave of cloves and oak seeped into the room.

"She has been silent all this time?" Sulpicia pondered once she released Aro's hand.

"Yes, our dear Sarelle is of quite a stubborn nature," he replied.

"You're enthusiastic nature says stubborn, my love, I say strong." Sulpicia smiled at her mate as she rose from the chair and glided over the floor to stand beside Atheodora.

"Strong? She's human," Caius spat.

"She denies the benefits of my gift. She has not spoken for four days no matter what is said to her, about her. And from what you have told me, _Ocellus_, she has had a life of much hardship. Yet look at her. Does it show?" Sulpicia turned to Aro and he opened his arms to her while I sat there silent and watchful as always.

"As perceptive as always, _Mellita_." He kissed her cheek softly as Caius scoffed.

"You give her too much credit, Sulpicia."

Athenodora walked back behind the chair Caius sat in, brushing her hands through his hair as she stalked me like a predator. Her fiery red hair seemed to mimic the flames she had created just moments earlier.

"Oh I don't know, Darling. She does seem to have a certain spark to her." she stopped and tilted her head as she studied me. "I like her." she giggled again, that flighty sound that was just as flittering as the flames.

"I wish you wouldn't. I find it so hard to deny you what you like, _Delicia_." Caius said in a bored tone as looked at his wife.

"Ah yes, you do spoil me, Caius. I adored my gift, he was quite delicious and with such a glorious citrus twist," she commented as she cast me a sly smile, flashing her fangs.

"He was fed only oranges for a month before I gave him to you, my Dora."

I shivered with revulsion which only drew Athenodora's attention to me.

"Oh look at her, isn't she just darling. Please say we can keep her, Aro."

"It is my every intention; however I would much prefer Sarelle to comply voluntarily."

I gritted my teeth, angry to the point of tears at the fact they discussed me like a stray dog, like my life was now completely out of my hands and I had no free will at all.

I clenched my eyes together to stop the tears from falling. I wouldn't cry in front of them. I wouldn't give them the entertainment of seeing how they affected me.

When I opened my eyes I saw Aro immediately, Sulpicia murmuring something to him as she clutched his hand up to her lips. Pity flashed across his eyes, pity and disappointment, maybe regret. I was tired of trying to understand. This was a game of chess to which I had no idea of the rules or the positions of the players. I was blind to what could happen next. Perhaps they'd change me now, perhaps in a day's time, a week...

Aro nodded once to something I presumed Sulpicia had said.

"Heidi," he said quietly and the door opened. At least tonight I would be returning to my prison cell. At least I would stay human for one more night.

That one night became two and then three. After the fourth I lost track of how many moons I had seen. Each night revealed a little more of the bright circle, and each dinner brought an onslaught of tactics from the Volturi. Sometimes they'd accept my silence with a mere disdainful air, other times it took all my patience not to scream out at them as they plotted and schemed around me. I'd leave their company at Heidi's side as usual, and as I returned to my room I'd look up at the moon and stare up with relief that i'd survived another night. It was on the night of the full moon that I felt the tingle tickle my palms. The relief of it was almost painful, or perhaps that was just the lack of sleep, lack of food, and lack of peace. I had spent so long tensed up and waiting for the moment to come when Aro would announce my change. When I felt the tingle I at least knew I had a chance of surviving this stint Volterra.

It was for this reason that I sat breathing deeply as I ate my chicken quietly. If I started to disappear here and now Aro would change me for sure, then where would that leave me? Either dead or lost in time as a newborn. I wanted neither of those options.

Aro sat silently opposite me, his eyes studying as always.

"Master, it is Renata; she has news of the coven in Hoquiam," the black haired vampire said as he looked between myself and Aro. The only two positioned at the dining table. Sulpicia usually attended with Aro but not tonight. Tonight she was strengthening her bond with Marcus, for her benefit and entertainment rather than his peace of mind.

Aro's voice was icy when he replied. "Thank you, José."

The vampire scuttled back and opened the door, allowing a petite figure to enter, the hood drawn up and the cloak shrouding any features.

There was a possibility that there was another Renata who they stumbled upon, but it seemed unlikely. That meant only one thing: they had allowed Derren to plunge into a dark abyss after believing Renata was dead, all so that they could have her for their little collection. That proved they were devious and ruthless.

I felt my blood boil; anger pulsed through me all for people I had never even met.

With the anger came fear. If they had orchestrated such a believable act, which was enough to cause a vampire to think his mate was dead, then how was I even capable to outmanoeuvring them in this life-size game of chess.

I stared after the billowing charcoal robes as Renata returned to the darkened corner she had situated herself in.

I sat for a few moments, my expression no doubt caught between shock and disbelief.

I had been waiting for a plan to escape this place and it seemed fate had handed me such a thing on a silver platter. A golden opportunity, not to be wasted.

My first words to him in such a long time.

"Aro?" I questioned sweetly as I turned my gaze to his stare. I could see it right there in his crimson eyes, the challenge. He knew what I knew and yet he sat there so calm and collected, just waiting to see what I would do with the knowledge.

"I would like to go to bed now. If you would call Heidi to take me. Unless of course Renata could. I don't think I've have the pleasure of her acquaintance yet." I tilted my head as I searched the dark corner, just about spying the outline of the cloaked figure that stood there.

"I think it best that Heidi takes you, there's no point in causing changes where there needn't be." Aro's smile matched mine, right down to the false sweetness below the surface of the eyes and the awkward stretch of the lips.

I stood and headed for the door as I noticed Heidi's bored figure leant against the frame.

"I was busy," she hissed in my ear, the usual narcissistic tone in her voice.

"Filing your nails?" I replied and smirked when she released a bitter, sarcastic snicker while her nails scraped across the hard stone walls. The screeching sound resonated in my ears, but I knew better than to react and cringe away.

We stopped in front of the door and I ignored, as always, Heidi's deep drag of my scent.

"Night, sweetness," she cooed as she slammed the door shut. This time I didn't hate the finality of the resounding boom. Instead I welcomed it. I was finally alone, finally free.

**A/N: So Sarelle's free, although the Volturi and their plans are looming over her so does that really count as being free?**

**Hope it was OK, now I'm off to look at sciency stuff :D**

**x**


	51. Chapter 50

******Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Really sorry it took so long. It's been written and re-written more times than I'd like to mention. Still now it's done, so let's get this thing on a roll.**

**Happy reading.**

**x**

It's 4 a.m. and the streets are uncharacteristically quiet for this city that never sleeps. Then again the prohibition has tightened its grip on New York's nightlife these past six months.

Six months, it's strange to think I've been here that long. The months seem to have flown by. Or perhaps that is just how it seems because so much has changed. I've changed. My past self seems a lifetime away. The last few scraps of my prudish nature have slowly been eroded. It had to be because the words prim and proper don't ring true when you're a flapper girl.

My heels clicked on the concrete pavement, a metronome beat, a constant while my dress created a tinkling melody with my every step. The crystals clinked off each other, sashaying as my hips moved. The whole outfit was made to highlight my body. A short hem, a mass of sequins and sparkling beads, a low neckline, it was an advert to which any man could reply.

I would have never worn this before. I would have preferred to be concealed to some extent, let my parents' morals guide me into a more respectable outfit. Not now. Now I swung my hips with each step because I liked the way the fabric moved on my skin. I liked the 1940s; it was my kind of era. Or at least it was my kind of era now; it certainly wouldn't have been a few years ago. Then again having the knowledge that you're destined to die has a wonderful way of lifting the weight of consequences from one's shoulders.

There was a sense of freedom that came with this era, even though the prohibition was rife and the world was still recovering from the blow the Second World War had delivered. In truth, maybe I only felt the freedom because my life held no rules now. I didn't own a house because I stayed with the other Girls. I didn't have to think of money because I had Aslo's funds sustaining me, that and the generous gifts from the patrons of The Back Door. Being a flapper meant embracing the very essence of freedom.

It's odd really, to think just how far I've come in these past few months. I've celebrated another birthday bringing me to the less than tender age of seventeen. I've opened my eyes to the world of alcohol, music, and smoky rooms. I've discovered how to be a woman, how to rule your femininity and embrace the power it can have. Of course all these things make it seem like a glorious journey, some fun ride. It wasn't. Not in the beginning. Before Kallie found me, I was a mess. I'd jumped to New York in the depths of winter, snow covering the ground in a thick cottony layer. My regal ball gown did little to fend off the cold, or help me blend in. I had sat for hours in the alley way I'd jumped to, shivering and shaking with the freezing temperature. It was in this state that Kallie had found me.

I had apparently jumped to the alleyway which The Girls house backed onto, so when Kallie took out the rubbish she stumbled upon me.

She was kind, generous, but most of all she was as persuasive as the Devil, leading me into the world of sin I've become accustomed to. She was a dancer, a performer, and a waitress all rolled into one at the nearby Speakeasy. It was a place called The Back Door, a friendly neighbourhood shop on the outside, but on the inside it was something very different. Jack O'Leary, the boss, made his money selling the things that you couldn't buy at the market and couldn't enjoy in public. Fun, sex, smokes, alcohol, girls. He catered for every taste and desire. I was just another flavour to be added to the mix.

Of course I wasn't legal, since I was only sixteen when I arrived in New York, but that didn't matter. He still dressed me up in an outfit of sparkles and spangles and sent me out to parade around the bar, selling cigarettes and smiles.

It was strange and disconcerting at first—a chore not a pleasure—but eventually I grew to like the conversations I had with the men, the glances I got, and the sense of womanhood I shared with the other Girls. There were six of us in total. Myself, who sold cigarettes. Kallie, Angelique, and Elena played multiple roles as waitresses and dancers. Then there was Lila Gomez. She was the head act, the showstopper, the one they came to see. She was also a diva, an alcoholic, and Jack's little Latino bit on the side.

Those girls saturated every part of my life. They are my mentors, friends, roommates, and guides. Everything I have now is down to them and their fierce belief in touch femininity and equality. We may have been there to entertain the men but that didn't mean we were their playthings—not unless they paid for it.

Luckily I was never for sale. Mr O'Leary said I looked too young and that any man who wanted to ruin someone who looked like me didn't have a place in his bar. Of course I wasn't young, or innocent, but for once I was glad my looks portrayed me as such.

Of course there was one man who saw a little below the surface, saw a woman instead of a girl. Jimmy O'Connell, an Irish bartender with a cheeky smile and an infectious laugh. It didn't take long for our relationship to develop from playful conversation to something deeper, suggestive, and seductive. We never fell in love but we fell in lust, and that was a world that opened my eyes to a rainbow of new emotions and sensations. They were feelings I had only dreamed of when I was with Edward, thoughts that ran through my mind when his lips touched mine or his hand grazed my waist. With Edward they were always just fantasies, with Jimmy they could be real. They were real after time.

I can remember the first time but it's just a hazy reel of seconds passing by. I was drunk, we both were. It was normal for the staff to drink as they cleaned up after hours. It was the first night I'd finally let go and enjoyed flirting, drinking, and forgetting my morals. Whoever knew that the night you let go of your old self could be the night you lose something else forever. I tried comparing my experience with what Katelyn had talked about on the morning after Ashton's attack, but I couldn't find many similarities. I didn't feel any real pain, and I didn't feel different after. I just felt a moment of pleasure and a feeling of closeness. I think that closeness was what kept Jimmy and me in our little arrangement. Neither of us truly loved the other, even after two months of sleeping together. We just danced that line between friends and something more, ignoring the rules about commitment.

There were times over those two months when I felt guilt at what I had done and continued to do. After all I had waited so long to give myself to someone who meant something, someone I loved, that I felt like maybe I had cheated myself by lying with a man who meant nothing more to me than a friend. However then I thought of what my heart was really saying. It wasn't that I was waiting for someone in general; I had been waiting for Edward. I had always envisaged myself being with Edward and one special night giving him everything I was. That was what we had talked about and agreed upon. Yet here I had trounced all over those whispered words and thrown it away. Still whenever that guilt came I heard my head shout out the same resounding truth 'You and Edward will never be'. So why wait for something that would never come. That is why I didn't. It wasn't special, or romantic, but I didn't regret it. I still don't. I experienced something special even if the circumstances weren't.

I'm nearly home now; I can see the little pink square that indicates Kallie's bedroom window as the light shines through her red curtains.

She had the night off tonight, a rare occasion, but Mr O'Leary was a fair boss. For all his immoral ways he never denied his Girls a night off when they needed it.

I sped up my steps as I thought of the bed waiting for me. It was small and lumpy, but at this time in the morning my body just craved something flat and warm.

"Hey there pretty lady!" It's a man's voice, rough around the vowels and lazy on the endings. He's drunk.

I sighed as I tossed my hair and in the process looked to my right where the sound came from. It's a fairly lit street so I could see the two men coming towards me—a mismatched pair of a lanky, young man and a stocky brute. As I turned back to continue forward I caught a glimpse of the alley on my left, that would be their destination. It's the perfect place for monsters like them to lurk. It sounds prejudice but I knew enough by now to judge which men had a dark side and which didn't. It just so happened that alcohol held the key to letting the monster out the cage.

"Where you goin', Doll? We just want a little fun." Man number two called but he's not as loud as the first. His younger age showed in his uncertain voice.

_Why is it always me? _I wondered as I turned with a bored expression. I couldn't run because it would probably cause me more damage than good with the heels I was wearing. No running meant there was only one option left and that was the one that meant standing here and facing them with the best smile I could manage.

"I'm sorry, Hun. But I'm all outta fun tonight." I smiled sweetly as I forced my American accent into place. I only ever used it at the bar because English attracted too much attention. I shifted my bag on my back, I always took it to and from work with me but right now I was regretting carrying my whole life with me. If they took it from me then I would have no one else but myself to blame for my foolish mistake.

"You hear that, George, we're being blown off. How'd you feel about that?" The stocky man said to his friend.

"I'd say that hurts my feelings, Vinny."

"Yeah, hurts our feelings real bad that, Blondie. I think we need a bit'v compensation, don't you, George?"

"Yeah, compensation." George nodded with a bleary smile as his drooping eyes scanned up my legs.

I rolled my eyes as the men advanced on me, bumbling with their drunken limbs. It was always the same story. Man gets drunk, gets overly confident, pushes his weight around, and thinks that's going to get him what he wants. I was sick of it. I'd had enough of this happening to me, first Ashton then Royce; I wasn't going to let these men be added to the list.

"The necklace. Now!" Vinny demanded as he took another heavy step forward, his soles scraping on the ground.

"You can go to hell," I spat as I smirked at their uncoordinated movements. They looked like infants, stumbling around like they're taking their first steps. I discreetly dumped my bag of belongings into the dark corner nearby. Out of sight, out of mind, or at least that was what I hoped.

"Got some fight, haven't you? I like that." Vinny grinned as he leered.

"You'll learn to hate it."

"She's a fiery one, Vinny," George said as he glanced at his friend. He wasn't as sure of himself as Vinny; I could see it by the way he looked for reassurance. However I knew he would be the first to come for me. He was the lapdog in this situation, the man who would test the waters.

"Needs training I think, George," Vinny said as he nodded in response to George's questioning movements. I smiled in invitation because why should I bother trying to reproach them. They wouldn't listen, and it would just be a waste of breath. Instead I let my hand slip into the garter that sat high on my thigh, caressing the small Taser that sat hidden beneath my dress.

"What are you waiting for? Having second thoughts?" I smirked. Vinny just sneered as he watched his friend advancing on me.

"Just enjoying the anticipation, girlie."

My thumb searched for the button on the device while George's thick fingers edged closer to the locket around my neck. It was shifting on my chest with each shaky breath I drew in. Only I knew that my shaking wasn't a product of fear but instead the adrenaline coursing through my veins.

"See she's sweet as sugar really, Vin," George said as if it were some great surprise.

"They all are once they learn who's in charge." Vinny grinned revealing a gold tooth which glinted in the darkness.

George stepped forward with his increased bravery, and stroked my cheek while his legs pin me back against the wall. "Sugar and spice and all things nice," he jeered, his alcoholic breath fanning across my face. He'd been drinking gin, neat.

"I'm anything but sweet," I whispered as I pressed the Taser against his crotch and my thumb fired down on the button. The effect was startling really, especially since this was the first time I had ever used it. George leapt back in pain, tumbling to the floor as he twitched and writhed. It was almost hypnotic to see his body moving in response to some hidden force inside. He was like a puppet having his strings pulled by some violent master.

Unfortunately I didn't have time to watch for long because Vinny's thundering steps pounded on the pavement and I had to spin quickly to land a punch on his cheek. He didn't go down but at least it seemed to have stunned him for a while, long enough for me to recover from the pain sparking up my wrist and knuckles.

Vinny turned quickly and his arms wound around my neck like a python binds its prey.

"Full of surprises, aren't you, Blondie."

I struggled against his arms, squirming and turning as I listened to his grunts and George's gasping.

"Y-y-you B-b-BITCH!" he choked out.

"That's no language to use in front of a lady," I growled out just in time for my flailing leg to come round and smash across his face, ending his stuttered nonsense and splitting his lip in the process.

With the mix of adrenaline, anger, and irony I couldn't help but laugh. It was a hysterical noise that didn't sound natural as it echoed off the brick walls on either side of our trio.

"You'll pay for that, Blondie." Vinny rumbled in my ear before my body was flung against something too hard for me to handle. Maybe it was a wall or a perhaps it was a dumpster, I couldn't be sure. All I knew was that one minute I was vertical and stumbling, the next I was lying slumped on the ground with my brain pounding against my skull in complaint. The only good thing was that I could feel my bag nestling against my hip. I wouldn't have to lose everything.

I looked up with blurry vision to see Vinny's stocky build moving towards me but in a split second he's gone, and my muffled ears can hear screams, growls, pleading, and sickening snaps.

When I open my eyes again I can see Vinny again but this time he doesn't look like the big bad man. This time he's pinned to the wall by the neck, his legs dangling helplessly below his body. His leg twitched erratically but that was the only sign of life that remained. Soon his legs became deathly still too.

I blinked hard as I willed my mind to focus. When my vision cleared again I partly wished it hadn't.

I reached my hand up to numbly feel my locket as I looked on at Edward's blood crazed body feasting at Vinny neck. He looked feral, inhuman, vampiric. Everything I once thought as beautiful now looked deadly. His haphazard hair seemed to stand on end with the violence of the kill. His porcelain skin seemed to glow in the darkness. Even his posture showed no grace but instead absolute predatory power. I took all this in as he pulled pint to pint from Vinny. However, with all this deadly warnings I couldn't erase the thrill they sparked in me.

This was what he was, what nature created him to be. He was dangerous. I had always known that, but here was the solid proof. For some reason the realisation of how close to death I came each time I was with Edward just made me care all the more about how much he fought to keep me alive. He denied the euphoria he now seemed to be experiencing just to be with me. Even if that part of our relationship was over, I could still appreciate how much that truly meant.

I exhaled deeply as I tried to steady my frantic heartbeat.

Edward's head snapped up immediately, so much faster than he had ever moved in front of me.

I flinched when I saw his crimson eyes burning through the darkness. This was Edward at his rawest form, and it was something magnificent, even in all its horror.

It seemed like forever when his eyes studied me but I knew it must have been mere seconds because in a blink he was coming for me.

Time passed in slow motion, as if the seconds are stretching on through some viscous vortex of time. Edward's hands reached forward and in the brief moments before their icy surface touched my skin I felt the tingle surge out from the centre of my spine to every extremity. I knew it didn't harm him, but he lurched back anyway. He's eyes were wide for a second before he dropped back down to a crouch and his lips curled back over his teeth as he growled furiously.

"Go back... Edward. This isn't you. Go back to Carlisle," I murmured as I tried to breathe through the electrical force that seemed to be constricting my lungs. This jump was violent and sudden, and I couldn't help but be relieved.

I smiled slightly as I gripped my bag tightly and felt my body seep away, watching as Edward's face crept slowly into confusion.

As the world went black I could hear nothing but Edward's frustrated snarl echoing through my ears.

**Ok so Sarelle's a big girl now, some of you might get why she's changed, others might not. I just hope you'll hang on with me for the next few chapters. We're almost done.**

**Thanks for reading.**

**x**


	52. Chapter 51

******Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

******A/N: Please forgive any gramma/spelling mistakes because this was posted a)in a rush and b) under the influence of heavy cold tablets.**

******Hope the fast update with make up for general mistakes.**

******Happy reading!**

******xx**

The violence of the jump from New York wore off in waves as I stumbled and gasped. My hands dropped my bag instantly on what seemed to be a tiled floor. As soon as the strap left my fingertips I began to fumble through the darkness around me, my head spinning as if I were on a Waltzer.

I needed to steady myself because with the fuzzy feeling still present in my head and the tingling sensation of the jump skating over my skin, I felt like I could pass over into unconsciousness at any moment.

Finally my fingers curled around a cool, smooth surface. A sink, small but the steady enough to hold my weight.

My legs were shaking like jelly on a plate; in fact my whole body felt like it wasn't quite solid, not strong enough to steady itself.

"Pull yourself together," I wheezed as I tightened my grip on the edge of the sink.

As my eyes started to adjust to the darkness I could make out the lines of a roll top bathtub on my right and a modest porcelain toilet to my left. In front of me were a mirror and the sight of my own sickly form.

The blood from my head wound had made a trickling web down the side of my face, congealing in my hair and curling around my jaw. However, now that I could see the damage it seemed to reduce the fog in my head. I knew the cause so on some level the confusion disappeared.

I closed my eyes as I inhaled deeply, focussing on the sound in the silence. At least that was one thing, wherever I was there was no one home, or if there was they were well into the depths of sleep. As they should be, it must have been about half four in the morning here. Wherever here was.

I slowly shifted my right hand along the curved edge of the sink as I focussed on my breathing. Eventually I hit the irregular shape of the tap so I slowly eased the top around to release the water.

I wasted no time in cupping my hand under the flow of trickling drops, capturing a pool in my palm before splashing it over my face. The icy liquid was like a shot of adrenaline to my brain. As soon as it hit my skin I felt my consciousness pulling away from the tempting cottony fog and back into reality. It was bliss, a sense of euphoria almost.

Even in the darkness I could see the water running a darker hue due to the blood cleaning from my face. Another plus. I couldn't walk around with a bloody wound, it would attract too much attention.

Once my face was the temperature of a brisk winter's day, and my cut was a mere centimetre of crimson skin, I smoothed my hair away from my face and turned to rest back on the sink. My flapper dress tinkled slightly around me, and I noticed the beading sparkling in the darkness as I turned my body.

As I watched the small crystals I thought of Kallie and the others. I would miss them, but not as much as I had missed others before. They had transformed me into a person so different from the one I was before. It was a person who didn't linger on bad decisions, or lament over regrets. Now I lived wholly in the moment, no hopes for the future, no grievances from the past. Just the present because at least with the present you know where you are.

Then again maybe that could all change again, jumping through time seems to leave a person more attuned to revolution.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. I didn't need to over think right now, I just needed a few moments to adjust to the headache playing against my skull.

"Who are you?" a small voice pierced the darkness causing my eyes to snap open.

It was eerie the sight of her before me, standing the doorway with her long, dark hair framing her little pale face. She seemed to poise herself in such a way that her body appeared unbelievably light and delicate, all swamped in a white nightdress.

She watched with her dark eyes as I tried to steady my breathing from the shock. It didn't help my aching head.

Eventually I sighed and smiled as she tilted her little head, her near-black hair shifting over her shoulders.

"This is just a dream, sweetie, you should go back to sleep." I cooed as I looked her in the eyes.

"I'm not allowed to dream. Mama is scared of my dreams." Her petite features turned sad for a moment as she clutched the china doll hanging from her hand a little closer to her chest. "So who are you?" she asked with determination in her soprano voice.

"I'm a friend of your Mama's. What's your name?" I lied as I unfurled my hands from the sink and edged a little closer to my bag where it lay to my left.

The little girl smiled a beaming grin that seemed to wipe away the ghostly shadows that had been there before.

"Mary. Mary Alice Brandon," she said with a happy voice, stepping forward with her hand extended.

I gasped in surprise and realisation as I saw the ever-present confidence in her dark eyes—the confidence and self-belief that had always been so Alice.

As I clasped her hand in mine, my eyes roved over her face, ticking off each feature as I recognised it with fresh eyes. Her petite nose, pixie sculpted cheekbones and jaw line, the ebony-coloured hair. This was Alice, but it was her before the Asylums left their mark. Here her hair was glossy and poker straight, her face was open and clear of any past hardships. She was so pure and untarnished, so happy.

"It's lovely to meet you Mary Alice Brandon. How could your mother ever be scared of any thing you do?" I asked as I released her hand.

Alice's eyes dropped to the floor as she shifted on her feet. It was a fragile movement, as if she could take flight at any moment. As she moved her arms wrapped around her doll, stroking through its blonde hair.

"I see things. Like, this one time, I saw mama fall over and hurt her hand. She didn't believe me, but then it happened. She didn't like that very much," she said in a small voice.

"Grownups get scared of things they don't understand. It's nothing to do with you, Mary. Your mama still loves you, so much." I touched her shoulder and her face turned back up to mine, the sadness clearing like clouds parting over the sun.

"I like your dress. Mama never wears anything like that."

I chuckled as Alice's hand ran over the beads on my stomach. The thought of Alice's mother, a family woman, ever wearing something such as this was a funny thought. I was effectively dressed to seduce, the perfect ornament in a world of depravity. Trust Alice to like something a little extreme.

"Thank you, for the compliment, Mary, although I think I'd rather be wearing your nightdress. It looks much more comfortable."

I smiled as I saw her slowly release her tight grip on the doll. I could see by just looking at it that it was an expensive toy. The china was perfectly painted and smooth, and the clothes seemed to be made of even better quality fabrics than those which Alice wore herself. It was exactly like the dolls my parents used to buy me when I was little. I could remember sitting them around on my bed as we had tea parties and played dress up.

"That's a very pretty doll. You're very lucky."

"Mama lets me buy her clothes, and brush her hair, and we have tea parties." Alice smiled as she looked down at her doll, smoothing the little dress it was wearing. In the moonlight coming from the window I could see the faint shade of violet.

"Does she have a name?" I asked receiving an excited nod from Alice.

"Sarelle."

I cleared my throat awkwardly. Surely it was just a coincidence. Sarelle may not have been a common name but it wasn't as if a child couldn't think of it sometime and choose it as the name for their doll.

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and leant down slightly. "Oh, and why did you choose that name?"

"Because I dream about her sometimes. We're friends, but it's always dark. I don't much like the dark," Alice said in a distant voice.

"No, neither did I. But you just have to be brave, don't you. The dark can't hurt you," I murmured as I watched her intently. She seemed so far away, gazing off into some place I could never see.

"The dark hurts Sarelle. _They_ hurt her," she said through tight lips. Somehow her voice seemed darker, no longer the light soprano it had been before.

Her eyes shifted slightly until they were staring directly into mine. It was an unnerving feeling having her eyes searching mine with such intensity that I could have sworn she was seeing more than what was in front of her.

In a second her eyes widened and her hand reached out to grasp my arm, holding me in place.

"Edward! Edward! Help, please. Please!" she screamed in an agonising voice, one that seemed to pierce through me. However that wasn't the only thing that struck me to my core. As soon as her skin had made contact with mine I felt the electricity surge as the confusion increased.

How could she know of Edward? What did her words mean? Were they from the future? I certainly hadn't heard them before...Maybe they relate to Bella instead. She could always see Bella but she could never see me.

"Edward please, please, save me. Please...please," she sobbed in a weak voice, it wasn't a whisper instead it was as if it were broken. As if something had torn the strength from her.

I heard movement coming from above but I knew it wasn't something I had to worry about. I was already halfway gone, my bag's strap barely clasped in my hand but enough to come with me.

"Please...Please..."

As I faded I heard Alice's voice echoing through my mind.

If the headache wasn't enough then this was something that would be even more of a worrying presence.

Unlike my many other jumps, this one did not start with easy silence. Instead I found myself landing rather noisily into a place which appeared to be some kind of cupboard or closet. It was dark, and as I turned, my sack bundled off the shelves, causing objects to fall and clatter to the ground.

My breathing shook, Mary's vision had rattled my cage, but it was nothing. Surely. It had to be. She was only a child. Not even Alice in her vampire form had been able to see me. Her predictions could change. I should just forget it, ignore it. It was nothing.

I huffed and straightened myself out before edging towards the cupboard's door.

I could hear busy voices outside, and as I looked around me I noticed that it was no ordinary cupboard. There were, what appeared to be, medical supplies organised neatly on the shelves, although many were now strewn across the floor thanks to my bumbling arrival.

I nudged the door open, peeking out into a sterile looking corridor. There were a few people scattered around, but many seemed to be too focussed on their job to notice me. That didn't stop my mind from forming lies upon lies to keep my odd appearance from being questioned too deeply.

In a swift motion I slipped from the cupboard and scurried down towards the reception which was sign posted easily. This place was, after all, a modern hospital from what I understood. It was too clinical and clean for it to be anything else.

I felt a breeze on my legs and looked down to find i was still in my Flapper dress. I had to change, and I had to do it fast. A dress like mine wasn't really ideal for maintaining obscurity.

I rounded the corner quickly and headed towards the toilets.

I skittered into one of the stalls and propped my bag on the toilet as I started to rifle through the jumble inside. I needed something modern, plain, and comfortable. I rummaged furiously through the rags of clothing until I found the jumper dress Renée had given me a while ago. I changed swiftly out of my flapper dress and pulled on a set of black flat shoes.

As I started to stuff the crumpled clothes back into the bag I noticed my photo album lying untouched down the side. I hadn't added any pictures to the pages since I arrived in New York, life was always too busy. Just as I hadn't written anything in my diary in just as long, perhaps that was a good thing. I wouldn't have wanted anyone reading about my prohibition antics. Still I couldn't help but feel that maybe New York was always just a blip in my life. I hadn't stuck to anything I knew there; I hadn't maintained any of my previous rituals. Did that mean it had truly changed me, or that it was just a pocket of time where I was someone different? I wasn't sure and I didn't have time to debate it with myself.

I took a few minutes to refresh and relieve myself, checking the state of my cut, before I left the toilets and headed for the front doors. I didn't need to be in a hospital so there was no reason to hang around. If I did then it would only lead to awkward questions that I would have no answers for. It had happened in Belmore and that had been too close for comfort. If the doctor hadn't left me to fill in my form then who knows what could have happened – government questioning, trouble with the law, maybe even another trip to the asylum.

As I hurried through the door, I took a final look at the new environment of modern medicine. Things had certainly improved since the early 1900's, although I couldn't guess what the actual date was.

I was silly to get so caught up in my pondering, especially since it resulted in me walking head first into a brick wall.

Or so I thought.

"Sarelle?" I snapped my head to look at the source of the voice. I had missed her so much these past few years. Our last encounter just minutes ago didn't really count in my mind.

"Alice?" Her impish face grinned up at me, and we gripped each other in a sisterly hug.

"Oh, Sarelle, it's been years. How are you? Do the others know you're here? Does...Edward know? What happened to your face? How old are you now?" I grinned as she sped through her curiosity, although I didn't miss the hesitation she had over mentioning Edward's name.

"OK, first, I'm seventeen and doing fine. Now, Alice, what's the date, where am I? And why on earth are you visiting a hospital?" We moved to walk outside and sat on the plastic chairs within the shadows of the hospital front.

"It's 16th March, 2005 and this is St Joseph's hospital in Phoenix, Arizona. And, well I'm visiting a friend." Alice's eyes showed pain in their depths, and I felt like I knew why. That is if my past experiences of the Cullens and their future life has led me to the right conclusion.

"Alice, would this friend have any involvement with Edward? Romantic involvement, that is." Alice's eyes widened in shock but settled into sympathy as she nodded.

"Don't worry, Alice, I know about Edward and Bella. I've known for quite some time now. What happened to her?"

"Oh, Sarelle. She was attacked by...one of us. It was awful, but she's a lot better now. The doctor says she should be able to go home in a few days. Edward was... _is_ distraught." I nodded and felt a wave of worry about Bella's condition. I would have to ensure I visited her, just to check that she was OK.

"I can imagine." I smiled quietly as I thought of Edward. He was firmly a part of my past now, and although a first love leaves its mark I didn't feel the urge to wrap myself around him in a romantic gesture, purely platonic. That was my daily chant, at least.

"You could go see him if you want. He's in Bella's room."

I shook my head vehemently. If his mind was already distressed from Bella's condition, I didn't want to inflict more stress upon it. After all, when we had been reunited at his wedding he had been so conflicted.

"He should be with Bella. I don't belong there," I muttered and Alice nodded in understanding.

"Right, now, tell me what happened." She lightly fingered the cut on my head. I repressed a sigh at the cool temperature of her touch. My head had been whirring from Alice's human prediction so I hadn't had much time to feel the throbbing since.

"Oh, you know...Just an accident." I smiled weakly.

"An accident." Alice was clearly sceptical but I was hardly going to tell her the whole tale. Just another attack, no big deal. Or at least that was what I was starting to believe. They didn't take me by surprise anymore. After all human nature isn't quite as civilised as we would often believe.

"I learnt about my past," Alice said in an offhand tone, her expression almost unreadable.

"How?" I could feel my brow furrowing at how such a thing had occurred. Maybe Aslo had sought Alice out after years apart.

"Bella's attacker, James, he said he knew me before I was changed. He said I was in an asylum. Apparently the night warden was a vampire, and he changed me, but James killed him before I woke up."

I gasped, and I instantly felt my hands run shakily through my hair.

"Aslo?" I whispered in disbelief. It couldn't have happened. I still received money from him each month, surely that was some sign he wasn't dead.

_Not really,_ my thoughts murmured, and I shook my head trying to clear the realisation.

Aslo was always so strong; I couldn't imagine him being defeated.

Meanwhile Alice was looking at me with a mix of confusion until finally some faint comprehension flitted on her pixie features.

"Sarelle?"

"It was Aslo, Alice. Or perhaps I should call you by the name I first knew you by. Mary Alice Brandon." Alice's eyes flashed, and I felt the guilt and disgust at what I had kept from her. I knew at the time it seemed right, but now I wasn't so sure.

"You never said anything. You never even _hinted_." Alice's voice seemed irritated, and I sat and hung my head as I accepted it.

"I know and I'm deeply sorry, but I thought you had blocked the memories for a reason. I didn't want to disrupt that," I pleaded with her with my eyes and she seemed to soften a little beneath my gaze.

"You had no right to keep my past from me, Sarelle. Would you want someone to hide something like that from you? Can you imagine how you would feel if someone wiped your memory of your parents, your friends, your whole life?"

I had never seen Alice angry, and even now I could see it wasn't pure rage but instead desperation, pain, and disbelief. I couldn't truly apologise for what I had kept from her and my reasoning wouldn't stand up against hers. Because the stark truth of the matter was that I too would be hurt that someone had known that which was lost to me, and yet didn't give me the option of knowing.

Still they, the whole family, had kept a crucial secret from me and surely that was just as unfair.

"Alice, I may have hidden your past but you're hiding my future. I know it. Carlisle's face told me that much every time I looked at him. Do you know what it's like to know there's a black cloud hanging over you, just waiting for it to rain and ruin your day? I just want to know what Carlisle could have seen to cause everything to change so drastically."

"Sarelle, the future is meant to be hidden, the past should be known. So don't try and turn this around on us," She hissed and I shrunk back from her livid stare. I had to take her anger; I had to take all of it because I deserved it.

"I can't tell you how sorry I am, Alice. Truly. It was always in my mind. Whenever I saw you or talked to you, I always asked myself if I should tell you, if you wanted to know, or if you preferred oblivion."

"It wasn't your right to decide that, Sarelle. It's my past and my life. I might not be able to remember them myself, but they're still my memories." Her face nearly broke me down to tears. The sight of her hurt eyes cut deeper than I could bear. She was my best friend, and I had hurt her so badly because I thought I knew best or at least thought I was protecting her.

"You're right, they are your memories, but they're not good ones. Not the ones I can recount anyway. There may be some good here and there, but the rest are dark, so terribly dark." I sighed and raked another hand through my hair as I brought back the memories of the asylum.

"Tell me," she whispered, her usual happy self lost for these few moments.

So I told her. I told her every minute detail I could remember about that place, from the infinite darkness, to the cruel treatments, and disturbing haze the drugs placed on the mind. I told her of my time before her, the tragic case of Emily Short, and the life tales I had heard from some of the other patients. I told her about the look in Aslo's eye when he first told me of her, the history he told me of her life in an asylum since the age of seven, the way she became my best friend almost instantly. I recounted every day we spent as friends in that place and my spontaneous attack of Mrs. Mills when she tried to harm her.

Each memory I told brought it all to the surface, and I watched as Alice's face showed her emotions changing from needing to know her past to sympathy and finally regret.

"I'm sorry. I know it must be hard to hear about all this."

"No, I'm glad you told me, but I am sorry that I made you. It's clear it wasn't your favourite time." Alice sighed as she spoke, and I smiled sadly. She was right, of course, but then I remembered the most important part. The reason thing I wanted her to know about most.

I delved into my sack and raided until I found my photo album.

I flicked past the pages at rapid speed until I found the pictures of Aslo, Alice, and I. Alice dancing in some of the pictures, Aslo gazing at her with adoration, or both of them entwined together with affection.

I passed the album to Alice and watched as she stroked over her picture, her human self, looking so vibrant as if it were possible for the photograph to come alive.

"I look so happy," she murmured.

"In a way you were. You were so optimistic, a bundle of energy and happiness even though you knew what was coming. You were so brave, Alice, you once told me- on my second visit to the asylum- that you had a vision of burning. You knew what Aslo was and you knew what was coming, and yet you stayed by his side. I was in awe of your loyalty and strength because I wasn't sure at that moment if I would ever sacrifice myself that way for someone." Alice smiled slightly as she gazed at the images before she looked up at me, the same sad expression on her face. It wasn't for herself anymore; it was clear in her eyes.

"You said you wouldn't sacrifice yourself for someone _then._ But you would now, wouldn't you," she stated it so clearly, and I knew it was because she saw through my charade. The mask that hid the fact that I couldn't see Edward now because Bella would be there, and it would be... uncomfortable to see him with her, not quite like it had been at their wedding but similar. I may have reconciled myself to the fact that we could be no more than friends now, but that didn't change the fact that I loved him, more than anything, it just had to translate into something suitable to share between friends.

"I'd burn in the depths of hell, if it ensured his happiness." I sighed and shrugged as I reformed my face into the mask it needed to be. Alice didn't need to see the depth of the pain, she knew it was there.

I glanced out at the world in front of us. The sun had crossed the expanse of blue and signalled the descent of twilight. I loved this time of day. It always seemed so peaceful and easy. Plus the impending night always eased the worry of jumping.

"He's gone if you want to see her. Bella." Alice told me, and I smiled slightly before rising from the seat, my bum ached from the long time sitting.

"How long do I have until he returns?"

Alice frowned, possibly at my avoidance of Edward. "Carlisle made him leave to hunt. It's been too long since his last. In his state I imagine he won't be longer than twenty minutes."

I nodded and set off into the hospital.

"Alice, can you see me? As in _see_ me?"" I stopped, turning back for a moment.

She stared at me for a moment before her gazed became distant. It only took a second because she soon snapped out of it and focussed back on me. "No." I nodded in understanding before turning back.

"Alice," I said. Her head popped round the corner of the door and I stifled a giggle at the image. "Please, don't tell him. Not yet at least." She nodded but a grave expression stayed on her face.

"Oh, and, I missed you Mary Alice Brandon, I always will." Her face split into a grin, and I waved before walking off to find Isabella Swan, new love of the love of my life and baby girl of my human confidante. As I stepped into her room and glanced at her unconscious battered form, I wondered _what am I meant to feel?_

I crept to her bedside and gazed over her. She looked so fragile, vulnerable, and weak. All things I was sure she would hate to be called. Part of me smirked at that, the bitter part, not the part that saw her as a friend's daughter.

I had of course called her a friend when I jumped to her wedding, but was that just wishful thinking?

She didn't even know I existed, she knew nothing of my character, likes, dislikes, or even appearance. She had forgotten me when I left her and Renee when she was two. I only knew about her through Renee and various scraps of information that I picked up along the way -some of it certainly not placing her in my favour. Was that enough to call her a friend?

I huffed a sigh when I realised that, no, it probably wasn't.

So what was I meant to think of her? Was she just a pleasant acquaintance? Competition? An enemy?

I shook away the last two. She could only fall into those categories if I stood a chance with Edward, and I didn't, so she couldn't be associated with such negative terms.

When I had heard she was injured I felt that I should visit her, see if she was OK. But now that I thought about it, that was only because I thought I _should,_ not because I had any real emotional need to. I was interested in her well-being, but purely because her well-being affected people I loved. I didn't really worry for _her_,more the effect her pain could have on others.

Then again, I didn't think my mind could really feel something for her when it was already dealing with the loss of a friend, Aslo. His kind ways, blunt honesty, and endless wisdom. I knew there was a chance I could see him again but it still hurt to know he no longer walked this earth.

As I stood at Isabella's bedside poised to take her hand and whisper some kind of get well or comfort, I found that I couldn't do it. Maybe it was because I was heartless, or not empathetic enough, but I just felt nothing. No remorse or sadness for her on a personal level. She was just a stranger to me now. The only feelings I had were purely consequences of human nature. The slight twinge of sympathy any person feels when they see someone less fortunate than themselves.

I didn't care for Bella, not like I thought I had those few years ago. She had grown up and in doing so we had grown apart. The only thing we had in common was our love for Edward, and that was hardly a conversation point that could be discussed amicably. Not that I would deliberately hurt her for being with him, but more that I wouldn't deliberately hurt myself by listening to her talk about him.

When I looked down at her features, they looked so innocent and oblivious. I could remember the time at the wedding when I looked at her and thought of her as a woman and me just a child, but now the tables had turned. I had lived and as I looked at her I could see that out of the two of us she was definitely the more child-like. Maybe her innocence was what Edward liked. Part of me wondered if he had ever told her about me. If he had ever told her that he had kissed another, held another, and lain in bed with another. The bitterness resurfaced when I came to the assumption that he probably hadn't. Why would he? I was his past, and I knew too well that some things from your past are best kept hidden from those you love. Still, the bitter harpy in me fought to get out and whisper mine and Edward's secrets in Isabella's unhearing ear. Perhaps she'd wake and have those unheard words float around her head as random thoughts, thoughts she was unable to place with an origin. It wouldn't cause any lasting doubt, especially when Edward's adoring eyes set upon her. Still, the vicious harpy wanted so badly to place them in her head for just a few moments.

I ran a hand through my hair again, clearing my mind of such deplorable thoughts.

What would Edward think if he knew the hateful things my mind was capable of?

I took a final curious glance over the girl who had replaced me. She would make him happy, I knew that, and she would make a beautiful addition to the Cullen family if she chose their way of life. However, the smug part of me made a smile curve on my lips because she could be all those things, she could be anything and everything in the world, but she would never be Edward's first love. Only I could ever hold that title. So although I submitted myself to the fact that I was now Edward friend and no more than that, I kept the small trophy that I had loved him first, kissed him first and had been the first to awaken his dormant heart. Such privileges made up for the loss of him.

I felt the tingle circle me, and I was glad it chose this moment to take me. It was private and out of sight.

I leant forward to Bella's ear, hearing the heart monitor bleep steadily, almost counting down the seconds to my disappearance.

"Your future self may carelessly abandon your family, but if you _ever _leave Edward, ever hurt him, or let him doubt your love. Then I will find a way to exact my disappointment. I'm trusting you to save him from himself, and I'm trusting you to love him with every cell in your body, Bella, because anything less is not enough. Until we meet again, Isabella."

My voice was just a whisper in her consciousness. I was gone by the time the last syllable left my lips.

**A/N: thank you for reading :D Let me know if you want a preview to the next chapter!**

**xx**


	53. Chapter 52

******Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

******A/N: And so we begin the final chapters of this story. I hope you enjoy them.**

******happy reading.**

******x**

_I am not an adventurer by choice but by fate – Vincent Van Gogh_

I swiftly ditched my bag as soon as I felt myself solidify on a hard wooden floor. The jumps weren't thrilling to me anymore, and the arrivals to new places had become like a routine. I didn't waste any time before opening my eyes to a rustic looking room that, although it held no bed, seemed to be a bedroom of sorts. Bookshelves and wardrobes stood in the room along with a luxurious chaise longue which was situated near to a wide sash window.

The sky outside was dimming with a setting sun, and my eyes lingered uncomfortably on the bloody colour that spilt across the sky. The scene was so familiar to me, and I hugged myself as I remembered the unnerving feeling that had filled me last time I had gazed upon such a sight.

_I stood and looked upon the brilliant sunset that bathed the sky in a vivacious red hue as it peeped out over the surrounding expensive, Edwardian, stone houses._

_The way the red spilled across the sky was beautiful but strangely unnerving. I couldn't help but see the way it resembled the intense colour of blood where it mixed with the darkening atmosphere._

_This sunset didn't fill me with wonder as all the other's had; instead this one sent chilling imagery racing through my mind._

_Something wasn't right, and a feeling stirred in me made me think it never would be._

The same feeling from the memory soaked through me now, and I gazed around the darkening room for some sign of danger.

I relaxed from my tense state when my eyes clarified that there was nothing to be afraid of. This new place was just an empty room in a house which was obviously absent of inhabitants at the moment. I sighed in relief, but it was soon cut short as my body was swept up into a bear hug that squished the breath out of me.

"SARELLE!" I knew that voice and the memory of its owner made my face split into a wide grin as I opened my shocked eyes.

"Emmett!" I gasped, and as he spun me I noticed Rosalie standing with a small smile playing on her stunning face. "What are you doing here? Are you living here now? Where is everyone?" The questions left my mouth in a rush as Emmett released me grinning.

"You've missed a lot, Saz. It's been over half century since you last popped up." Emmett's face was still filled with a smile but a glance at Rose told me that although I'd missed a lot, it wasn't necessarily anything good.

I felt a chill when I realised only Rose and Emmett were here. It was possible that the others were out hunting, but there was something about the vibe they both gave off that told me that the separation ran deeper.

Something else that Emmett said caught my attention.

"What's the date?" I asked, it was a simple question, but I had to know if whether I was standing in a time before or after Bella and Edward's wedding. Considering that they had said they hadn't seen me in fifty years I had a feeling that it was a pre-wedding jump.

"20th March 2006. This is a house belonging to our friends. We're waiting 'til our new house is ready since we've moved," Rosalie said in a factual voice. I didn't know what my feelings were about knowing Edward wasn't married to Bella, although their wedding was only a few months away. Either way, I couldn't focus on the confusion brewing inside me; instead I found my mind pondering the situation here. There was something bothering Rosalie and it showed through her mask like exterior.

She always hid her true feelings beneath a front of boredom and arrogance. It was something I had learnt when I first met them all together. We may not have been as close as Alice and I, but we still had a connection. We came from a similar time and so had similar dreams. We shared the pain of knowing that those dreams were impossible to have. There was also the bond we had through our experience of the vile and horrific things men could do to an innocent girl. She may have suffered much worse than me, but I was still left with the chilling memories that would run through my head at the worst times, she had the relief of the change blurring the finer details.

My most recent encounter was still fresh in my mind, but I pushed the violent memory away, covering it with the way it felt to see Edward in all his deadly angelic glory. He had truly looked exquisite, and although I had given away the part of me that had loved him I could still admit that it was good to see him, even if it hadn't been at all how I had hoped.

"Come down to the lounge, there's a lot to catch up on," Rosalie sighed, and Emmett tossed me over his shoulder whilst I squealed and giggled at the way my dress was showing more than I care to flash. Being a flapper girl may have opened my eyes to the world of seduction and risqué clothing, but it had just been my job and a way to sustain myself without using Aslo's money. I wasn't like the other girls who exuded everything it meant to be a flapper girl on a regular basis, whether they were at work or not.

Emmett plonked me down on the brown leather sofa after a fast flurry of vampire speed down the stairs.

I watched as Rosalie moved to stand in front of the large windows that were surrounded by solid wood frames and cream walls. I watched as her reflected face fell into a look of guilt and seemed to struggle to go back to its confident mask.

I glanced at Emmett in confusion, and he gave me slightly sad smile that didn't seem right on his usually jovial face.

"OK, what's wrong? Has something happened?" What could possibly have happened for them to be in this state of reluctant melancholy? When I had been at the wedding everything had been so happy and perfect. How could they have gone through this phase and end up being so perfect in just a few months time?

"Saz, I don't know how to tell you this, but there's something you should know about Edward," Emmett said as he scratched a nervous hand on his chin.

Rosalie huffed from near the window and spun to face me with a look of determination and mild guilt in her eyes. What she was going to say was going to hurt, and she actually felt regret at telling me. She didn't want to hurt me because we had been and, to me, still were friends, even if we had a strange and sometimes stilted friendship. We had endured a lot together, that was something that couldn't be ignored and was the basis for our mutual respect for each other.

"Emmett. It's going to hurt her either way, so I don't see why you're stalling. We shouldn't even be the ones to tell her anyway. Edward should be here to do it, but no, he's gone and ran off. That selfish idiot!" Rosalie ranted as she went back to glaring out the window, covering the real problem with her anger at this current annoyance.

"Rosalie, don't worry, I know. About Bella I mean. I found out a while ago on a jump." I looked down at my fingers as I spoke and the memory of the pain I felt at Edward's wedding ran through me. I'd made my peace with my love of him on that night of the dance, but that didn't mean that I didn't still feel the memory of my emotion that had encompassed me that day of the wedding.

"I'm sorry, Saz." Emmett reached to give me a pat on the back. I gave him a shrug to show I wasn't really bothered anymore. It was just something that happened and therefore just another mountain to climb over.

"I may not have been particularly thrilled about him falling for you, Sarelle, but at least I could appreciate that he fell for you because of who you are. But now..." Rosalie's words bit off in her mouth, and I looked at her puzzled. She hadn't seemed so hostile towards Bella at the wedding, although then again I hadn't really paid much attention to how the rest of the family felt about Bella. I had just assumed that they were fully behind the relationship her and Edward had. I never doubted that they cared for her.

"I don't understand? What's the problem with Bella?" I thought of the sweet child I had known and the beautiful woman who had married Edward. I maybe wasn't thrilled when she married Edward, but I had accepted it since it made him happy. She was Edward's and he was hers. So I removed the resentment I felt for her for eliminating my chance of a happily ever after, and instead I just focussed on the fact that she made Edward happy. That was what was important, no matter what happened.

Rosalie was still glaring out into the forest outside and Emmett was watching her carefully.

"Sarelle, I accepted you. I even liked you... A little." Rosalie smirked as she turned to look at me, and I gave her a brief smile before she continued.

"It nearly destroyed Edward when he lost you, and I could respect him for that. I knew how much he loved you, so I let him mope about and go back to his usual grumpy self. He was grieving and clinging to the idea that you would come back one day. In a way we all were." She sighed and sat on Emmett's lap next to me. She was quiet for a heartbeat before she looked up at me with old fury in her eyes.

"But then he gave up. He gave up on you! And to add insult to injury, he found himself yet another human to fawn over. Sure he was more cautious, maybe because he didn't want to let you go, but he still caved. However, do you know what irritated me more than the fact he had put us into the same dangerous situation, revealed us to yet another human, let go of the hope he had that you might come back?"

I sat frozen waiting for her to finish. I couldn't even think about the things she had said about how Edward had been during our time apart; it wouldn't be a good thing to do. It didn't matter that I'd had a year to forget the love I had for everything related to him; our history could still sway me from the realms of unconditional friendship into the dreaded painful world of unrequited love.

"He chose the understudy. You were the main act and when you left he replaced you with a girl that was so like you that we all saw the similarities. The only differences I could find were few and far between, once you discounted your appearance. But I think that was a deliberate choice on his part, a pathetic attempt at hiding the fact that she was your replica. Or maybe it just hurt to be with someone that looked so much like you but wasn't. Whatever his reasoning, we saw through it." Rosalie's voice had slowly built in malice as she talked until Emmett placed a calming hand on her shoulder.

I thought about what Rosalie had said. There was no way I could agree with it. Bella was so much more than I was. She was self sacrificing, brave, beautiful, and completely honest among other things. She was unique, and I had to believe that Edward chose her in spite of me rather than because of me.

"'Course she was clumsier than you which was pretty hilarious, and that girl would blush like a beacon at the smallest thing." Emmett chuckled, and Rosalie smacked him on the head like she used to.

"Why the past tense, Ems?" It was a subtle thing hidden in the sentence, but I picked up on it and it sent a chill through my body. I knew Bella was fine, but there was something that told me her and Edward weren't. The distant sadness in Em and Rose's eyes told me that much.

"Edward screwed up. He broke it off with Bella, messed up all our lives because he finally realised she didn't fit in our world. She was just an ordinary human. Anyway, seemed poor little Bella didn't handle rejection too well because she went and topped herself earlier today. Jumped off a cliff, Alice saw it." I felt my body freeze as the words left Rosalie's mouth.

They had it wrong; there was no way Bella had died. Alice had been wrong. This in itself was shocking enough, but then there was the surprise that Edward had actually left her. He had done what I thought of as unthinkable and left Bella. I couldn't understand how he could walk away from the girl he obviously loved enough to marry in the future.

In the loaded moment that I contemplated what Rosalie had said, her phone buzzed furiously.

"Maybe this is Edward, I can tell him you're back." Rosalie's voice already held relief and a smile lit her face at the possibility that she could make her brother happy by replacing his lost love with his old one. She may have thought Bella was replaceable, but I knew otherwise. Then again, I knew for certain that Bella was the one Edward was meant to be with.

"Yes?" she demanded. I suppressed a chuckle at the fact that Rosalie let her dislike of people interrupting her plans, even if it was a phone call. It was like she thought of her time and plans were so valuable that they shouldn't be disrupted by a badly timed call.

"Oh Alice! Carlisle's hunting. What-?" A fast buzzing voice cut off Rosalie and I watched in amusement as Rose scowled slightly at not being allowed to finish what she was saying.

"Why do you need to talk to him? I could find him and get him to call you-" There was another interruption, and I watched Emmett to see if I could get any clues from what Alice was saying. I knew he would be able to hear it perfectly. There was a look of concern on his face, and I sat anxiously as the rest of the conversation played out. All thoughts of Bella out of my mind.

Something was said that caused Rosalie's face to drop and her hand to grip round Emmett's.

"Well, yes, Alice. I talked to him a few minutes ago. Just before Sar-" Alice didn't let Rosalie finish talking. Again. This was serious. There was something about the way both Rosalie and Emmett sat nearly motionless and Alice's voice was a frantic babble.

Something was wrong.

"Look, Alice! Edward wouldn't like being lied to. He'd want the truth. So when he asked me what was wrong, I told him."

I heard a faint gasp on the other end of the phone and Rosalie got up from her comfort place of Emmett's lap and paced the floor in front of the couch whilst I looked on with anxiety running through my veins.

Emmett gawped at her and I saw a flash of judgement through his eyes.

"You didn't, did you, Rose? Please tell me you didn't tell him." Rosalie shifted uncomfortably under Emmett's gaze. His voice was verging on being angry and I understood why. Telling Edward that the love of his life had died was not something to be done over the phone, especially since it wasn't really true.

"He deserved to know, Emmett. I thought if I told him then he would come home. We could go back to how things were." Remorse dripped from Rose's voice, and I touched her arm reassuringly. Everything would work out. I knew it would because I had seen it. Edward would find out Bella hadn't died, and they would get back together to have a perfect relationship that would lead them to have a perfect wedding and eventually a perfect life.

"I just thought the sooner he found out, then the sooner we could go back to normal. I know he wouldn't have been the same but it's not like time would make it easier anyway. Remember how he was with Sarelle? Why put off that kind of misery any longer than it had to be put off? Bella's dead, nothing's going to change that." I could vaguely understand Rosalie's reasoning and although it hurt to hear the state I had left him in, I knew this time wouldn't be the same because Bella was alive. He wouldn't have to slip into that state again.

My glassy shocked eyes caught the attention of Rosalie and she snapped her fingers to get my attention back on her.

"Sarelle...?" My head snapped towards the confused expressions of Emmett and Rosalie.

"She's not dead," I whispered but they heard me clearly and I noticed the flash of horror that crossed Rosalie's face as she momentarily became distracted from the angry noise of Alice's voice.

"How can you know that?" Emmett gasped; his face was now set in a strangely serious look. I knew he could be serious when he wanted to be but I was so used to his sunny sense of humour that it was a drastic difference when he swapped his jokey grin to a near blank expression.

"Time traveller, remember. I can't tell you how but I saw Edward and Bella together only a few months from now." I cringed slightly over the memory and Emmett gave me another sad smile.

"Bella's still alive?" Rosalie's voice showed the guilt she now felt for telling her brother so soon after hearing of Bella's death, especially since it was all just some big horrible misunderstanding.

Alice's voice continued to accuse Rose through the phone, and she cringed at the onslaught before rejoining the conversation.

"How can she be fine? She jumped off a cliff!" Rosalie screeched, and I knew that she wasn't really angry at Alice, more at herself. The guilt was being filtered through her hard surface and coming out as anger.

Emmett and I watched her as she paced anxiously on the wooden floor.

"How?... Well you've made quite a mess then, Alice. Edward is going to be furious when he gets home," she growled, and Emmett went to hug her from behind but was soon batted away due to her agitation.

"What do you mean, Alice? Of course Edward will come home. What else is he going to do? Run off and end it? He'd never do that. He's not some crazed romantic." Her arms jerked through the air as if she was desperately trying to bat away whatever Alice was telling her.

"No...No he wouldn't do that. I only told him because I wanted him to come home! I didn't want this to happen!" Rosalie's guilt ridden voice ripped through the still air. I clutched my hands together in silent prayer that the conversation she was having didn't point to what I thought it did.

My prayer was pointless because I knew in the second Rosalie turned to face me and Emmett in a state of shock, that the worst I feared was in fact a reality.

Edward wasn't going to wait to clarify that Bella wasn't actually dead. He wouldn't cope with the loss of her; he wouldn't be able to live with it.

So, he wasn't going to even try.

I stood immediately and ran up the stairs to the room where my bag was. I dug down to the bottom and switched the little black shoes I was wearing for a pair of black tennis shoes. They would be more practical. I knew what I had to do. I had to stop him. Alice wouldn't be able to do it because he would hear her thoughts. He would just assume she was lying to stop him. He wouldn't be able to read my mind so he wouldn't see me coming. I could have left this task for Bella to do, but I didn't know what condition she was in. If she really had jumped off a cliff, I assumed it couldn't have been good.

As I ran back down the stairs I felt my body fill with the feeling of destiny. I was meant to do this, to save Edward. It was because of me that he and Bella had the chance to have their happy ever after. It was because I had saved him from making the biggest mistake of his life.

Emmett and Rosalie looked up in confusion and hopelessness as I rushed into the room, my body humming with the anticipation of what I had to do.

"Give me the phone," I gasped at Rosalie and she handed it over limply.

I dialled swiftly and Alice answered immediately. I could hear an engine revving whilst a heated conversation happened in the background.

"Alice! Where is he?" I held in the excitement I felt for finally talking to my best friend after such a long time. There were more important things buzzing round my mind.

"Sarelle? When did y-?" Alice started but there wasn't any time for her to ask questions, I had to get to Edward. I had to stop him from being the same old melodramatic man he always was. Honestly, I had to find some kind of dark humour in the fact that only Edward would make the rash decision to end his life after one phone call.

"There's no time for a catch up. Tell me. Where he is and what he is going to do." My voice was a rush as I paced out of anxiety. Emmett and Rosalie were frantically trying to ring Carlisle.

"From all I can see he's going to the Volturi in Volterra. He'll ask them to end his life. That's all I know so far. But Sar-."

"Right, thank you, Alice. Keep Bella safe." With that I hung up and tossed the phone to Rosalie.

I ran my hands through my hair in a stressed motion as a plan started to form in my mind.

I knew who the Volturi were. Aslo had told me enough for me to realise they weren't beings who should be upset without reason. They were more than capable of ending Edward's life. I also knew their rules so I could only imagine the risk I was about to take. I was, after all, a human who knew too much about their vampire world.

Of course it would all depend on whether Emmett and Rosalie would actually agree to help me.

I glanced up at them with a mischievous grin on my lips.

"Ems, Rose. I need a little help."

"Sarelle...Don't even think about it. We'll get a hold of Carlisle. He'll know what to do. We're not going to help you with a suicide mission." Rose's eyes were piercing mine, but I knew she would see nothing but determination there. There was nothing that was going to stop me from completing my mission, too much depended on it.

"Rose, I can't _not_ go to him. You would be the same if it was Emmett." My eyes pleaded with her, and I saw a softening flash of understanding echo through her usually hard gold. She knew life without her Emmett wouldn't be worth living, and although I had lived life without Edward that was only because I always knew he was there. I always knew he was alive and he would be happy. I could be happy knowing that somewhere in the world he was still alive.

It was strange how just by knowing this world was capable of having a person like him exist in it gave me a bit of hope that it wasn't such a bad place. Even in the times when it seemed darkened by my own despair.

His existence was like a guiding light and right now it was fading. The prospect that if I didn't act it could disappear was a terrifying idea. I couldn't even imagine the alternative future that would unfold if I ignore fate's call to save him. How would Bella cope with his unnecessary death? How would I cope knowing that I could have done something, but didn't?

He and Bella would never have their wedding and the Cullen's would be destroyed by their loss.

"Saz, the Volturi are a big deal. You can't just waltz in. Although... that would be fun," Emmett's voice drifted off as he thought of the possibilities of the adventure we were about to embark on.

"Ems. Either you two take me to the Volturi, or I not only find some other way to get there, but also risk it all for nothing." I looked them both hard in the eyes. There was no way I was allowing them to stop me. Nothing would get in my way.

"Do you understand what it would mean, for you to go there?" Rose's eyes studied me, and I stared back nodding.

"Well then, let's go to Volterra and get our Eddie back," Emmett bellowed and we swung into action.

**A/N: Previews available as before, just let me know if you want one. Also for those of you waiting for 'The Known and Recorded History of Sarelle St Clair' I will send it to you in the next couple of days.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**x**


	54. Chapter 53

******Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

******A/N: Any questions about the story? Post them in a review or message me them and when it finishes I'm going to do my best to explain everything. Think of it as a question and answer session :)**

******Those of you waiting for 'the file' will recieve it soon, you'll understand why I couldn't send it immediately when you read it. It comes with a spoiler warning so beware.**

******Happy reading!**

******xx**

_Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail. – Charles. F. Kettering_

We had made our private flight with mere seconds to spare. We were lucky to have caught such an early flight and were up in the air within fifteen minutes of leaving the wooden cabin.

It hadn't taken long for us to gather our things. After all, we didn't need much other than passports and money. I had been given a fake passport as a precaution, though we weren't expected to need them since we were using the Cullen's private plane.

I didn't have my bag with me, I didn't need it. Instead it was still lying in the dark bedroom back in Alaska waiting for me to return and claim it again. I hadn't even felt uncomfortable leaving it behind, because I knew nothing would happen to it whilst I was gone. It would only be a couple of days 'til I returned. I had what were most important to me, my locket and my ring.

The three of us sat in silence, each in contemplation of what had happened, what was happening, and what could happen.

I couldn't speak for Rosalie or Emmett but, to me, the silent motion of flying through the air was pure torture. I found myself constantly looking out at the pitch black sky, hoping to see something that would show that we were moving instead of just floating still.

It was frustrating to be just sitting there, knowing that with each second that ticked by Edward was coming closer to ending his existence. Just because of a misunderstanding, a fatal mistake.

My leg bounced anxiously and Rosalie gave me a look of annoyance.

"Sarelle, I'm already starting to have doubts. Don't give me any more reasons to stop this little suicide mission right now." I stopped myself immediately. I knew she wouldn't really walk away from the chance to save Edward, but that didn't mean that I should annoy her any further. She was still a vampire and I was very much human. Plus, when we arrived at our destination, I needed to ask her and Emmett one last favour. In order for her to accept she would have to be in a good mood, a trusting mood.

I sighed in frustration and Emmett gave me a chuckle, "you know, Saz, it's faster than running." I nodded and bit my lip, just to be doing something other than sitting statue still like my two vampire companions.

The first hour slipped past in a cycle of restlessness and impatience. I felt like my skin itched with the need for progress, the need to have something to show for the time that had passed. I wanted some kind of milestone to signify that we had achieved something- like the crossing of an ocean or country. The problem was that due to us flying through the night I was given no relief of seeing the world rush past us. I couldn't see anything in the pitch black, so I was left with nothing else to do but constantly examine the plush interior of the private plane.

It was built for comfort but offered me none. The large leather seats made my body ache at their luxurious feel, all because I wanted to run and race to Edward. I didn't want to be sitting in this sedentary state, unsure of what was happening to him.

I didn't know how long we had been in the air, but finally the silence was interrupted by the ringing of Emmett's phone.

"It's Jasper," he said before flicking the little silver gadget open.

"_The Devil Went Down To Georgia_? Really, Emmett?" I chuckled at his stereotypical choice of ringtone. Rosalie rolled her eyes before focussing her attention on the phone call between Emmett and Jasper.

"We're on the plane now, left from Kantishna four hours ago. We should be at Florence Peretola in three hours tops. The pilot's taking a short cut."

I relaxed knowing that we were over half way. Just three more hours and I could finally break free from this place. Let my legs feel the burn from running.

"It wasn't our idea, Sarelle released her pushy side," Emmett chuckled but it didn't seem to fit the conversation vibe. Rosalie was already scowling out the window at what Jasper was saying, so it was obviously the other Cullens weren't very happy about what she had done.

"Yeah that's her stuff. She just popped up when you were lot were out. No, he doesn't know. What do you mean come home?" I shot a surprised look at Emmett. I hadn't even considered the thought that the other Cullens wouldn't want us to go to Edward.

"We can't, Jazz. You should see her. She won't." Emmett continued as he glanced over my panicked state. The very idea that I would have to give up my mission to save Edward was preposterous.

"Alright, get her to call us, we need to know what Eddie's planning...Right, Jasper, we'll handle this and we'll bring him home." Emmett's voice spoke with finality, and I grinned at his optimism.

With Jasper's phone call over we lapsed back into silence, and I shifted to sit smiling out the window. The sun was finally starting to lighten the darkness, but I couldn't guess the time anymore. The time difference would mean that we would arrive at our destination around the same time that we left. I found it strange that we would have to relive hours of our lives that had effectively already passed. The only difference was that those hours wouldn't be as static as these ones had been. They would be filled with adrenaline, planning, and anticipation.

I buzzed with the excitement of finally having something else to occupy my mind. I couldn't think of anything but Edward: the state he must be in to have even thought that suicide was the answer to his problem, the way he had last looked last time I saw him, and the daunting task that lay ahead of me.

Every thought revolved around him, and I hated that I had fallen back into the cycle that I had spent nearly four years escaping from.

I wanted so badly to think that I was racing to save him because he was a friend and only a friend. However, there was a part of me that was chanting that friendship wasn't the real reason. I was sitting in this plane soaring through the air, running towards a place that caused Rosalie and Emmett to pause with fear, and I had a bad feeling that I wasn't doing it all for his friendship.

The problem circled me like a vulture, waiting for me to admit and show my weakness. The problem being that Edward loved Bella and they had a wedding in their future. I couldn't stop that, mainly because I wouldn't. However, none of this changed anything because I still ran towards him. I still hoped that I could have one more moment in his arms and see that little sparkle in his eyes that I used to love so much.

It may have been masochistic but I almost wanted to feel the heartache I had buried. I knew it was there, and this rush of anxiety could be the fire to burn off the toxic emotion and leave me cleansed. I so badly wanted to be clean. I had spent so many years of my life battling with my feelings for my immortal love and the past we shared. I wanted this moment to be the end of it all. I wanted this to be the moment that I saved him from himself and repaid the debt I felt for the amount of love he had given me; the love that I had taken from him before I left. The love I felt I had never had the chance to truly return to the fullest of my capabilities.

I couldn't give him my love anymore but I could give him Bella's. I could give him the chance to feel the full glory of life with her. It was what I was destined to do. I was destined to risk my life and save him. I already knew that fate had this planned for me, because for once it had given me a clue by sending me to Edward's wedding. The memory of that wedding day was the catalyst that fate had given me. It showed that I was meant to be the one to save Edward and reunite him with his Bella.

I may not have ever been Edward's soul mate or the true love of his life, but in this moment I felt that I was instead something similar to his guardian angel. I had been there telling him to go back to Carlisle when he was lost and despairing, and it was me who told Carlisle to save him so that he wouldn't die without fully experiencing life.

I had been there with Edward every step of the way, whether it was just through memories or physically by his side.

In just a few short hours I would perform the ultimate guardian act and save his life.

Our journey finally ended in a hotel that sat just on the outskirts of the mysterious Volterra. I hadn't planned on stopping but my arguments didn't last long. Before I could stop myself, I collapsed into a deep sleep vaguely aware of Emmett lifting me and placing me on the single bed.

My sleep held no dreams. In fact, I wouldn't have even realised I had been asleep if it wasn't for the bright sunlight that seeped through the crack in the curtains and woke me.

I didn't wait for my body to wake up properly. Instead, I dashed from the crumpled bed and into the next room where Rosalie and Emmett were sitting entwined on the sofa. They were just locked in their own bubble that seemed too private to interrupt.

Luckily I didn't have to; they soon looked up as they registered my conscious heartbeat.

"Morning, Sunshine. Don't you look pretty." Emmett joked, and I felt my tangled hair with embarrassed movements. It was bad enough to be in Rosalie's presence, but to be in the same room as her after sleeping, having my hair messed and my breath not as fresh. It was uncomfortable to say the least.

"Morning. Do we know anything else? Has Alice called?" The words tumbled from me as I ran my hands through my hair and munched on a complimentary mint.

"Last we heard from Jasper was that Alice had said Edward was going to reveal himself to the humans at midday under the clock tower. He's going to allow them to see him in the sunlight. Quite fitting really, he always was a bit overly dramatic." Rosalie smirked, and I smiled softly at her dry humour. Only Rosalie could joke about her brother's means of self destruction.

"It'll be a piece of cake to stop him. We just get to him before he can do his little show. Tell him about Bella, and then we'll go back to being happy families. You included, little sis." Emmett grinned at me, and I leapt at him, barely managing to wrap my arms around his broad chest.

I had always wanted to belong to a family, so Emmett's gesture meant more to me than he probably expected, especially in these last few moments before we invited danger into our lives.

"How long do we have?" I asked anxiously.

"We'll leave within the hour. The traffic will be bad because it's St Marcus day. Then we'll have to find him, which will be hard enough given that neither of us have any idea where the hell that damn clock tower is," Rosalie huffed and flipped her golden hair in irritation.

"What's St Marcus day?" I asked, and Emmett and Rosalie sat in front of me, motioning for me to sit in the chair opposite. Any thoughts of washing and re-dressing flew out my mind.

"St Marcus day is a day that the humans celebrate their police force for keeping their city safe and free of crime. In reality, it's the resident vampires that do the job. Those vampires who just so happen to be the Volturi and our kinds royalty, of sorts." Rosalie explained, and I nodded carefully taking in the information. It explained the reluctance and reverence they had shown when we first found out what Edward was going to do. They wouldn't want to create a scene in a city that housed the rulers of their kind. It would be a sure death sentence.

It was because of this that I cleared any doubts I had over my current plan. It would be the best way to keep Rose and Emmett safe and clear from any possible involvement.

"Tell me about them, the Volturi. I know a few things but ..." I knew only too well the ins and outs of the Volturi. I knew of Aro and his fascination with collecting gifted beings, Caius and his power hungry nature, but I knew nothing of Marcus or the full extent of their gifts and resources. They had kept the majority of their secrets hidden from me in the brief time I spent with them. I hoped my brief knowledge of them wouldn't be needed since I would much rather avoid contact with them altogether. However I wanted to know everything the vampire world knew of them because it gave me something to focus on.

"Well what do you know?" Emmett asked.

"I know there are three of them. Aro, Marcus and Caius. They're old and like to enforce their rules, with deadly consequences." My voice turned sour as I finished talking, remembering the way they had pretended to murder Renata in cold blood just to teach Derren his lesson, the endless massacres I had heard echoing down the halls of the castle, and the calculating air that circulated the trio during our 'dinners' together.

"Right so, we're talking ancient. But what makes them special is Aro's little collection. They have a guard. Most of them have gifts. The most important being the witch twins, Jane and Alec, closely followed by Demetri. Jane does some kind of mind burn thing and Alec can cut off your senses. Completely. Demetri is a tracker and can trace anyone he's met." Emmett reeled off, and I sat stunned that they had such power. Certainly, I recognised the names and had a vague idea of what they contributed to the clan but I didn't know the full extent of it. It was no wonder no one dared to cross them.

"Is that it? Are they the only ones with powers?" I asked and Rosalie smirked at the hope in my voice.

"Nope. Aro can read minds on touch. He sees everything you've ever thought in one little touch. Marcus senses relationships, which is kind of like Chelsea who can mess with them. Then there's Renata who acts as Aro's personal body guard. I think she's got some kind of shield that deflects a physical attack. But I'm not sure."

Emmett's words shocked me to the core, and I sunk back in my chair realising exactly what his words meant. They were loaded with protection, layers upon layers of it wrapped around them. And from what I could remember they were capable of creating endless lies and getting away with it. How was I going to play their game? It was obvious that they didn't have any set rules and I was only human. The only reason I had escaped them last time was thanks to pure luck, and I had a feeling mine was starting to run out.

"Sarelle, are you OK? You don't have to come with us. We know it's dangerous for you." Rose said and I shook my head vehemently.

"Can we leave, now? I can't stand waiting around any longer." I felt as if my voice was pleading with them, and perhaps I was. There was definitely a part of me that wanted to just throw myself into the hell fire that was waiting for me. I didn't like this period of waiting.

It was amazing how fast time flies by when you're running into danger, how quickly your life passes you by when it suddenly has an hourglass attached to it.

Our black rental Lamborghini screeched down the winding roads, making the Tuscan landscape fly past the windows.

"I've never been to Tuscany," I murmured to no one in particular.

_And you may never leave it..._An inner voice added what I had been trying to ignore, my mortality.

A castled city came into view, and I felt my body start to race with a nervous energy. Its sienna turrets and stone walls were supposed to be pretty, maybe even comforting in their sturdy construction, but not to my eyes. To me they transformed into a castle reminiscent of Dracula's fortress, ugly and death ridden. They had been my prison for little over a week and I never thought I'd be running back to them.

I was literally going to walk into a monsters lair, ready and willing to risk my life for a man that still wouldn't be mine.

Maybe I was crazy.

Maybe all the years of hopping through time had finally distorted my mind.

Did I care?

No.

As our car edged closer to the city's entrance I sucked in a breath at the amount of people pouring in through the gigantic draw bridge. They were clogging up the roads and forcing our car to practically crawl along the cobbled road. There were only three cars in front of us, and I watched as the guards turned them away.

"It's 11.45. We've got fifteen minutes." Rose mumbled.

The sun beat down around us, and I was left with fear and relief at what it meant.

My plan would be our only option.

"Rose, Em. You can't come with me." Rose spun in her seat immediately glaring at me in anger, but I knew it was really driven by fear.

"Sarelle, you cannot go in there alone. There is no way we're letting you," she hissed.

"Yeah, Saz. What makes you think we're going to let you have all the fun, whilst we sit about here?" Emmett argued, and I smiled a little at his thirst for a fight, though it was the last thing I wanted.

I could risk myself but I couldn't risk the rest of them. If something was to happen and I was discovered by the Volturi again, then I knew it would lead to a death sentence (one way or another). I also knew Rose and Emmett wouldn't just stand by while I was slaughtered, which in itself would be their own suicide.

"Look. The sun is out, that means you'll risk exposure. Then there's the fact Edward can hear you. He'll know you're coming to stop him and he'll just act faster. I don't have those problems. That's why I want you to just lay low. I'll ring you immediately if I get a problem." I reached out for Rosalie's small black phone and after what felt like forever she placed it in my palm.

"You dare get yourself hurt or..." Rose cut off and I nodded solemnly.

"Thank you, for everything." I placed my hand on Rosalie's and smiled before rushing out the car.

"Oi, Saz!" Emmett's voice boomed, "Kick ass, lil sis!" I grinned and watched as their sports car spun round and raced back the way we'd come.

I took a deep breath and bolted through the entrance, weaving through the crowds. I pushed forcefully through the throngs of people, their vivid red cloaks sometimes tangling me as they wrapped around my limbs.

I followed the river of red cloaks through the winding streets. They seemed to be going to the city centre and I hoped it would house the clock tower.

That was all I really had, hope. I didn't know where I was going for I didn't have a map, and I certainly didn't know this place well. So all I could use to keep myself from doubting was hope.

My feet pounded on the uneven cobbled paths, making me stumble and develop an odd sense of clumsiness.

As my breathing heaved I flipped open Rosalie's phone to check the time.

11.55

I had already spent ten minutes searching for the clock tower and had no luck.

My body went into overdrive, and I pushed it to its limits. Hurtling through the masses, cutting through them like a blade through water. I was constantly surrounded by the claustrophobic pressure of their bodies.

I tried to search the sky for a sign of my bearings but the bright light blinded my eyes.

My legs carried my tiring body through the crowd, and I sprinted full pelt when a pocket of space opened up in front of me.

However, that pocket of space was occupied by a flurrying parade of masked dancers, and cloaked jugglers. Their movements added to my disorientation, and I spun wildly whilst my hair swished furiously into my eyes, blinding me to the place I most wanted to see.

The clock tower.

In a moment of clarity I set my eyes upon the golden face of the clock as if it was my north on a compass. Although the crowds jostled me and spun my body in each wrong direction, I kept my eyes on the gleaming golden clock as its hands crept towards the vertical point of noon.

Loud music filled the air, and I watched the clock desperately praying that its gongs wouldn't pierce the otherwise jovial sound of flutes and tambourines.

The minute hand ticked by, and I felt the breath catch in my mouth as the clock's loud chimes rang out through the crowd, causing some people around me to cover their ears.

I couldn't cover my ears just as I couldn't stop running. Not until I knew the end had come. Not until I heard the screams of discovery. I would never give up.

I burst past the last layer of red cloaks but my feet caught on their hems, and I found myself falling to the floor, the sound of distressed calls filling my ears.

It was over.

Those screams that pierced my ears through the tolling chime told me that it was all over. A girl had found him and her calls were crystal clear to me.

Every memory of Edward that I had now became a priceless treasure to cling to, and I felt a tear slip down my cheek. It would be the first of what I knew would be many.

My merciless eyes dragged up from the dirty floor and set upon the dark doorway of the clock tower, just to see his finally resting place.

The sight before me made my arms tremble as they lifted my weight from the filth on the stone floor.

Bella.

Bella holding Edward in a loving embrace.

Bella saving Edward.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I wondered if it was possible to do both or if the emotions they each required would cause me to split in two.

So instead I just stood staring blankly as Edward cupped Bella's face in his hands and kissed her deeply, a vivacious love pulsing from them with every second that they were locked together.

I felt sick when I thought about how I had dreamt of having his arms around me for a brief moment of perfection. It would never have been perfect because I wasn't his perfect girl. No matter what Rosalie claimed, I wasn't the main act, Bella was. I was just the warm up show that mildly entertains but isn't memorable. It was a sour fact that would never change because I would never be anything other than what I am now, a time traveller, and a slave to another force's wishes. That wasn't what Edward needed or deserved, which meant by default that I wasn't right for him.

Bella was.

She didn't have to be fixed or healed. She didn't have cracks under her surface unlike me. I had been shattered too many times for my soul to be faultless. Like a mirror that had been struck and damaged, it could be fixed but the flaws would still be visible in the reflection.

Bella wasn't broken. She may have thought that she became incomplete when Edward left her but that was all. She was just missing a part of her. When something get's lost it can be found and therefore things can be as if nothing ever changed. But when something gets ruined it takes time for it to be restored and even then it will never quite be the same.

Edward didn't deserve damaged goods. He was owed the world and all its heavenly delights. Not because he was above human beauty, or the restraint he exercised everyday to revolt against his instinctive monster, or even for the love he had shown me, but because he had struggled through so much. Whether it was the consequences of his actions or mistakes, or the cruel hand fate had given him, he could still settle his demons and be happy. He had fought the battle and as I saw him with Bella I knew he had won. So surely for such a victory the gift of something divine was appropriate. Something such as what he shared with Bella in this moment of reconciliation, something such as true love.

Bella and Edward's glorious moment of romance didn't last for long. The presence of two new figures caused Edward to fan his arms out to protect her.

I took an unsteady step forward. Caught between wanting to rush and help them and reasoning with the logic that said 'wait and see.'

I soon regretted my choice to standby when I watched the group grow and then fade away into the dark depths of the castle.

Logic flew out of my mind in an instant and I made my rash decision.

I was going to follow them into the pit of hell, willingly.


	55. Chapter 54

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: getting there, slowly, slowly. I hope you don't mind the fast updates but I need to get this fully updated soon so I can focus on other projects. Plus why hang about when the updates are already written up and waiting.**

**You know the drill, leave me any questions you have, ask for previews if you want them, and like always...happy reading!**

**x**

_The __realisation__ that one is to be hanged in the morning concentrates the mind wonderfully. - Samuel Johnson_

As soon as I saw the figures vanish into the darkness, I followed. Rushing to the space below the clock tower where Bella and Edward had stood intertwined for one blissful moment.

My eyes looked frantically for the place that they had gone to, but I saw nothing but a dead end.

My hands felt numbly in the darkness, but I soon found cuts and scrapes developing at my frenzied movements. I was losing all sense of calm as the panic rose in me. I had to find them, but I was already at a loss as to where they had gone.

What if life was all leading to just one moment? As if everybody got just one single moment to make a real difference in life, could this be my moment? Was I to waste it and have my life be meaningless all because I fell at the first hurdle? I knew fate was a leading force in my life. I couldn't doubt it after all times when it had led me to each important event in my life, herding me through the twists and turns.

As I stood in the dark alley I stared out at the celebrations going on in the sunlight. What a contrast the laughter, cheering, and singing were to the darkness and despair I was feeling now.

I sank to the dirty floor, it felt as if maybe if I was more compact my brain would come up with a way out of this mess, and a plan would form in my mind. If I didn't have to think about keeping my legs strong enough to hold me up then that energy could be better used to figure out my next step.

I had been so certain that I was meant to be here. Although there was a moment of doubt when I saw Isabella saving Edward, I thought perhaps my calling was never to save Edward alone but to ensure that he was safe and with Isabella.

I knew that if the others that had taken them brought Isabella to the Volturi she would be executed. It couldn't happen. Edward couldn't lose Bella that way. However, I couldn't understand what I could do to stop it. Perhaps if I found Edward and Bella I could send him a message telling him to change her. If that happened then the Volturi wouldn't have a reason to eliminate her. If they had the knowledge that Isabella would one day be changed and become a vampire, then her knowledge of their existence would be negligible.

Could I encourage Edward to change Bella? Would it be something she'd want? Would Renée and Charlie cope with losing their daughter?

My head fell in my hands. I felt a weak sigh take the final ounce of strength I had from me, making my body slump against the cold damp wall.

I don't know how long I stayed there, circling through the same hopeless situation and coming to the same unwanted conclusion, but my thinking was eventually interrupted by faint high-heeled footsteps coming towards me.

My head snapped up, and I saw a beautiful woman sashaying down the alley. She was dressed in a short miniskirt and a tight fitting top. The clothes extenuated her stunning beauty, lengthening her already long legs, and highlighting every feminine curve. I knew who and what she was instantly.

I scurried up the wall to stand straight as she came to stop in front of me. Her dark violet eyes flickered over my form before she tilted her head and gave a polite smile.

"Well hello, sweetness." Her voice was like bells, but to me it rang with the tolling chimes of the apocalypse.

"Heidi." My voice was dead and I would be too if I wasn't careful. Her strange lilac eyes glinted, and I swallowed the nervous lump in my throat. I knew this was a risky situation, but I had to hope it was going to be worth it in the end.

"Master Aro is going to be just thrilled to see you. Not too sure about Master Caius though." She looked off to the distance as if she was actually pondering what Caius would think of my presence in Volterra.

"Can you cut the act, Heidi; you're going to end up taking me to them anyway so you may as well hurry up about it."

"I've missed you too, sweetness," she cooed, and her mahogany hair slipped over her shoulder.

"Follow me." The vampire sauntered out of the gloom, and I held my breath as she stepped out into the bright sunlight. Of course, she didn't sparkle; her body was covered from head to toe in thin layers of fabric to stop the sunlight from hitting her directly.

I followed her diligently as we crossed the courtyard. We walked through the masses of red cloaked crowds that were gradually clearing to the next parade point. I watched as her eyes cast a predatory gaze around the people still left.

Bile rose in my throat as I thought of what she was. It was obvious she was the bait to reel in the food. She was deliberately dressed to gain peoples' attention and bring them to her. As we approached a group of roughly thirty tourists I felt physically ill knowing they wouldn't be leaving the confines of the castle once they entered. They were her catch.

Part of me wanted to warn the rest of the tourists to run, but I couldn't. I had to swallow my guilt and accept that if I was going to successfully get into the castle and to Edward and Bella, then I had to play this sick and twisted game of sacrifice.

I watched as we passed a large group of people and Heidi gave an impersonal nod to a human woman who seemed to be the group's leader, or chaperone. The woman had a fake smile on her face as she handed out information pamphlets about the castle tour. She laughed humourlessly when the others in the group chatted with her about how attractive people were here.

A new group of humans, walking-talking happy meals, joined the group and chatted with the others excitedly about the opportunity to see inside the beautiful building. If only they knew it wasn't as harmless and fascinating as it looked.

"I see you've been promoted from babysitter," I commented as we entered the gloom of the castle.

Heidi didn't dignify that comment with a reply.

"May I make a phone call?" I asked as I slowly removed Rosalie's phone from my pocket.

"If you must, but keep it short. We'll be with the Masters soon."

I dialled Emmett's number with shaking hands.

He picked up instantly.

"What's the 411, Saz?" I found some comfort in his optimistic voice but it wasn't enough to stop the flutters in my stomach.

"Em. The other one is with him. She stopped him, but they've been taken," I said in a low voice to keep from attracting attention.

"Right, we're on our way."

"No. I need you to get the doctor and the family. Don't do anything until you're with them. I have an idea," Was that brief enough? Was it secretive enough so that Heidi wouldn't get too suspicious?

"OK...We'll call _the doctor_. Don't do anything stupid, Saz. Stay out of that castle. Promise me that."

"I promise not to do anything stupid. I'll call you soon, Ems." I hung up straight away, threw away the phone, and cast a glance at Heidi. She was too busy inspecting her appearance in the reflective window panes to truly pay attention to me.

I knew I had misled Emmett, but I couldn't agree not to go into the castle.

I knew we were getting lower and further into the depth of the castle. The temperature had gradually dropped and now as we walked through a sienna coloured corridor I felt the damp environment on my skin. I followed Heidi through every twist and turn, copying each of her silent footsteps with one of my own scraping versions. I looked at every door we passed, wondering if it opened onto the room I had been held captive in for that short but unhappy time. Did they have another unfortunate human trapped in these stone walls? Was there someone shouting for help but unable to be heard by my lesser human senses? That thought didn't bare thinking about.

We passed into an ornate golden hallway which was quiet, and empty. Heidi strode confidently across the stone floor, opening a small wooden door onto a tight but lavishly decorated room.

As she shut the door behind us I noted how it blended almost seamlessly into the wall, as if it wasn't even there.

Another door opened in front of us and in stepped the three vampires I had learnt to associate with every nightmare, horror story, and negative aspect of the vampire race. Unfortunately, as Heidi had said, Aro was not as unhappy to see me as I was to see him.

"Sarelle St Clair! What a wonderful surprise!" His theatrical ways came out in force as he opened his arms wide as if to hug me.

I dodged his intentions without worrying about how my obvious dismissal would go down. I didn't want him reading my mind, not anymore. My thoughts, memories, and life were private, and I wanted it to stay that way.

"Aro, sorry for disappearing on you last time," I said mockingly, but it didn't stop him from chortling at my comment.

"Ever the spitfire, isn't she, Caius?" Aro turned behind him to acknowledge his brother in arms while Marcus stayed silent and impassive beside him.

Caius' face was blank, but his eyes burned with raw hatred and disgust. Then again, I never was his favourite person.

"As charming as ever," Caius replied with an ice cold voice.

"Well, I have to say this little arrival has greatly made up for the more saddening decisions of the day." Aro sighed and my interest sparked immediately. He noticed.

"Yes, most sad the trouble with Edward Cullen and his darling Isabella," Aro continued and I clenched my fists together. There was no way they could have already been sentenced. It surely couldn't have been that quick.

"I don't think I understand, Aro. You knew about them being together, you've known for years, why do you have to act on the rule break now?" I kept my voice light although a lump in my throat threatened to pull the words down with the weight of it.

"I think we've let them disregard our rules long enough."

"It does no harm to your kind and you know she won't tell anyone. You've seen that much." My voice rose an octave with the panic filling me.

"Before they posed no real threat, but now that he's threatened our city! We can't sit back and allow this...Insolence!" Caius hissed advancing towards me, only to be stopped by Aro's hand.

"My brother is right. To break a rule is punishable but forgivable, but to the flaunt it and threaten exposure. There's no forgiveness for such an act. A price must be paid and for them the price will be death, such a loss." I kept my stare stony as I listened to Aro recount his lines with a sadness that could almost be believed.

"What about Carlisle? Would you really destroy the first son of your friend?" I questioned as I reeled through possible escape ideas in my head.

"A price must be paid," Aro said firmly and I saw it all, every point to his plan all laid out in front of me. How lucky he was that it had all presented itself in such a way. The golden opportunity laid out to him on a silver platter, just as mine had been on the night I vanished from amidst their grasp.

No matter what I said, or did, he wasn't going to let Edward and Isabella go free, not without retaining something worth more to him than reputation. Something he had hunted for and craved. Something he had once had and lost. Something he had in his grasp once more and would never let go again. Me

I swallowed as my fate aligned before my very eyes.

"Take me," I whispered, looking up to see Aro's eyes glint with success.

"I beg your pardon, Sarelle?"

"If you let them go, Bella and Edward, unharmed. Then I'll...I will join..You, the Volturi. Voluntarily." I locked my gaze with Aro's and watched, with a sickening feeling in my stomach, as his mouth curled into a wide smile.

"I have one condition," I stated briskly.

"Of course, what would this condition be, Miss St Clair?"

"Edward mustn't know, and there must be no repercussions for him or Bella."

Aro was contemplative for a moment before extending his hands to his brothers for conference.

I stood rooted to the spot as I watched them exchange their thoughts on my offer. I needed this to work otherwise I had nothing. No backup plan - other than threatened suicide – and no way to pre-warn Edward to run.

I looked on with baited breath as their hands parted and all three filmy red gazes fell upon me. Each one held such different emotion that I couldn't decipher the decision. Caius' just held the ever-present anger and rage that I had come to associate completely with him, while Marcus show nothing of his thoughts or feelings. In fact his regard was much like how I imagined a coma patient's to look like, blank and inexpressive. It was only Aro who gave me even the hint of what the outcome was to be.

His eyes blazed with victory as he took a steady step towards me. I felt like I was a lamb walking through the valley of death with a bell around its neck. Ringing out loud and clear, calling death towards me.

"My child," he cooed as he rested his cold hands on my clothed shoulders. "We have a deal."

I didn't know whether I felt relief or shock, but something consumed my body and held me completely stunned for a moment. It was almost as if time stood still, allowing my mind to catch up with the consequences of those four little words.

_We have a deal_, a deal, an agreement, a contract. All of those things were permanent and binding. The full effect of my imminent future hit me like a ball from a canon. The shock pounded right at my chest, knocking any hope of words out of me and causing me to gasp.

"You will be such a fine addition to our little family." Caius snorted at Aro's words before turning to leave through the door they had arrived through.

"Our guests are here, Aro," he informed with the same icy malice in his voice.

"Ah yes. I believe it's our time to adhere to our side of the deal," Aro said as he left alongside Caius, leaving Marcus to give me a slow nod of recognition before joining them.

"Jane, dear one, you've returned!" I heard Aro call as the door closed, delight evident in his voice.

As soon as the door was shut behind them the room was rendered silent. I let out a shaky breath and ran my hands through my hair and over my outfit. I could feel them shaking against my body but I tried to ignore the tremors.

I had made my decision and Edward would be safe because of it. That was all that mattered.

But then if that was all that mattered, why did I have the incredible feeling of fear and regret pooling in the pit of my stomach? Not even butterflies could flutter there due to the poisonous fear that lingered.

I had always known I would do anything for Edward, friend or otherwise. But now that the time had come, and death was the thing to be done, I wasn't feeling as brave as before.

I didn't regret the decision as such but to regret something and fear its consequences were two very different things. Right now I was petrified of the consequences of my choice. I didn't fear death, that was almost welcoming after some of the things I had endured, but I was scared of the other outcome. What if I didn't die like I expected myself to? What if I was changed and I had to live an eternity at Aro's beckoning wish? That was what chilled my blood and froze my bones. That was what scared me.

The seconds seemed like minutes, and the minutes seemed like hours as I sat in the dark stone room. My horror had left me a while ago but now I sat stone still, catatonic because that was the best way my body could deal with the fate that waited for me. Every now and then I would hear sounds, voices or otherwise, which told me that Aro was still carrying out his performance.

It was the worst kind of distraction, knowing that Edward was just on the other side of the wall. Sometimes I heard his voice as he raised it to Aro, but that was all and I knew that would be the last of him I would get to experience. Unless I survived as a vampire, but even then I had to wonder if he would want to socialise with a Volturi member.

These thoughts churned over and over in my head until I heard Aro's voice pierce the silence once again.

"Goodbye, young friends!" His voice held the same amount of pleasure as it had at the beginning of their conversation. But why shouldn't it? He had just been able to embrace his theatrical side while knowing all along that he had what he wanted hidden behind a locked door. Out of sight but always in mind.

I was startled when a beam of light burst onto my face, but looked to see Jane standing in the door frame that the trio had previously left through.

"Come," she snapped.

I got up from my stiff position in the chair and walked awkwardly towards the light.

I looked out over a large cylindrical room with three thrones to my right and facing the same direction I was.

The large double doors at the opposite end of the room opened and I gasped as I saw Bella, Edward, and Alice rush out accompanied by another vampire in a thick dark cloak.

I only saw the back of Edward's head while he and Alice pulled Isabella along as she stumbled numbly on the floor. I could see her eyes widen at the sight of the group of tourists entering as they were leaving. They were the same group I had seen in the square in front of the clock tower. I watched as the tears start to pour down her face. She must have known they wouldn't be returning home.

"Well this is unusual." An American man's course voice boomed and echoing slightly as it bounced off the walls.

I turned to Jane with a look of horror.

"We thought we would welcome you to the family. Properly," she sneered sweetly as the bile rose in my throat.

I ran, as fast as I could towards the group, towards the door.

"So medieval," the woman I assumed to be the American's wife commented as I continued to struggle against the group. I was desperately reaching towards the small closing gap that showed a glimpse of the room from which they had come. As the slice of the room reduced I felt my hope diminish and my panic build. I wasn't the only one. An elderly woman with rosary beads was chanting desperately and calling to anyone who would listen. No one did and if they did hear her they couldn't understand her Italian.

"Welcome guests! Welcome to Volterra!" Aro called and there was a buzz of excitement from the humans. I spun to look around properly.

As soon as I saw the scene I felt my heart fly. Vampires stood encircling the group.

I turned around in a second and battled against the force of the group as they flowed into the large hall, a human torrent of pulsing arteries and thundering hearts.

I could see the closing doors, and through them I could see Edward. His arm was wrapped around Bella's waist as he tried to hurry her along. My mind shouted for him since I couldn't call out for him without drawing attention to myself. I knew touch was usually required for him to hear me but I hoped that my desperation would prove enough to alter that. He never turned around from comforting Bella. For a split moment I felt anger that he couldn't spare me a single millisecond of focussed thought. He couldn't, for one instant, emerge from the haze of Isabella's presence to respond to my distress. However, this was just a split moment because no sooner had it arrived than it was gone, vanquished by my love-blinded understanding. Would there be anything I couldn't forgive Edward for?

The current of the small human crowd pulled me back with them and sucked me into the hall against my will.

As I fought against them I registered their expressions. Some were confused, others suspicious as if the story that had led them here didn't match up, and then there were the few that were blissfully unaware of the mortal danger they were in.

I crept back as I stared out at the room. I was halted when my back touched the wooden doors that had now closed firmly behind the group.

Let the slaughter commence.

As soon as the boom of the closing doors faded the chaos began, screams erupted as people everywhere crumbled to the ground, falling prey to the vampires in the room who feasted heavily at their necks, wrists, and any other point of soft flesh with an accessible vein.

I watched paralysed as the horror played out in front of me. It was so many times worse than the scene that had occurred when Carlisle was changed. This was a massacre of epic proportions and no part of it was silent or swift. The gurgling calls of humans barely alive mixed with the blood curdling screams of those having to watch the nightmare unfold. As their lives were exterminated before my eyes I could do nothing but watch in strange patient silence. I was waiting for the moment it all ended and it would be my turn to have my flesh pierced by razor sharp teeth.

I watched as their struggling bodies stilled and the light faded from their eyes. They became the definition of lifeless. They never got the chance to say goodbye to those they loved, although some had the privilege of dying beside them. Was that a blessing or a curse? To know death was coming for you and your love, and know that their gruesome death would be the last thing you would see.

A heavy thud landed near my feet. Before I could stop my eyes from flickering to the sight, I had laid them upon the bloodied corpse of the American man. His face was set in a vacant expression of fright and it seemed to break my stock still state.

I spun and scratched violently at the door, desperate to escape. I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to be bitten. The fear of it was enough to make my blood run cold.

"Edward! Edward! Help, please. Please!" My screams were futile. He wouldn't hear me; he would be too involved with Isabella. In fact, I was certain he would already be out the castle.

Still, I pounded my aching hands against the door until wooden splinters pierced my skin, and left bloody tracks of my efforts. I had fought through this life so it seemed only right that I would continue even when death walked to claim me. Its cold grasp outstretched towards me.

"There's no escape for you, young one. We have a deal, time to make good on your part." I spun and was met by the terrifying sight of Aro looming over me. His black hair matched the ebony of his eyes, although there was a slight greyish film across their surface.

My panic stricken body pumped with adrenaline, so I was able to take in every horrifying detail of him, from his onion-like translucent skin, to the pure ravenous hunger in his eyes. He was to be my end; I knew it even if he didn't. I prayed that he would make it swift for I didn't want the chance to mourn the passing of my life.

"Edward please, please, save me. Please...please." My voice was weak and my sobs cracked, wracking through my body as if they ripped me apart from the inside out.

Aro's ice cold eyes dragged along my neck in taunting torture; he was just drawing out the end that I knew was imminent. I didn't want this death. I wanted my life to end in an instant not this prolonged experience where my brain was able to register it all.

His head dipped and he drew a strong breath of my scent into his dead lungs.

"Honeysuckle, so sweet with a most delightful touch of Jasmine. I hope I can stop," he purred, and his hand snapped out to snatch my own, pulling me towards him.

My mind still chanted for Edward and each desperate plea increased the tears on my face. He wasn't coming, but I taunted myself with hope anyway.

Aro's fingers carefully swept aside my blonde hair only to pull it harshly to expose my neck to his teeth.

I whimpered at his proximity. My life started to flash before my eyes, and I felt my memory pull back to the sunset before my first jump. I would never see another sunset again. My body would never bathe in the warmth and beauty again. It was an irrational thing to miss considering I had people that had meant so much more to me. However, in this moment my mind could only find the energy to lament the fact that I would never rest my eyes upon the vibrant colours of red, violet, and orange as I watched the sun sink into the horizon. I wasn't even sure that I had fully appreciated the natural beauty that a sunset held recently. I had been so absorbed in life that I had forgotten to pay thanks to Mother Nature for making the world such a beautiful place.

For she surely deserved thanks, especially that she had created a world that was capable of holding Edward.

As soon as my mind thought of him, I felt a small smile cross my face. His dazzling face filled my mind, and I embraced every memory I had of him. It seemed the final moment of my life was all that was needed to cancel out everything but the one absolute and resolute truth that resided within me. How ironic that it had taken the anticipation of my death for me to see clearly the thing I would most love to live for. Him.

It was because of this realisation that I understood what had been hidden from me by consequences and conflict. No one can really fall out of love with someone just because it seems impossible, no matter how hard they try. No love that resonated true in the heart could ever have a simple ending because there was no way for it to dissipate with the utterance of a goodbye. I was naive to think otherwise.

I had always been fighting a losing battle when it came to my love of Edward. I had said so many goodbyes because I thought it would be enough to stop his claim on my heart, but I had been so very wrong.

I felt my mind fly back through the thousands of memories until it settle on just one, one wonderful night when everything and anything seemed possible...

_"You look lovely with a blush on your cheeks." Edward's thumb brushed against the heated surface of my skin, and I felt the complete contrast we were._

_I was like fiery heat compared to his icy cold. _Could fire and ice exist together and not ultimately destroy each other?

_"I believe we could be the exception, we already defy the laws of nature," he said answering my internal thought._

_"The only exception," I said as a yawn escaped against my will. I didn't want to go to sleep. I never wanted to close my eyes for fear that this night would turn out to just be a dream, a wonderfully, magical, fantastical, enchanting dream._

_"You should sleep; I promise I will be here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere." He stroked through my hair as I reluctantly lay back in my bed, watching him with heavy lids as sleep starting to claim my uncooperative body._

_"I love you," I said, the words slurring with sleep._

_"Forever and eternity," he whispered, and I felt a light kiss brush against my forehead._

I took a blissful breath and released the emotions I had refused myself to truly feel all these months. Now that I could truly feel them without regret or pain.

"I love you Edward, forever and eternity," I whispered as Aro snarled and tore his teeth into my skin.

The pain was excruciating at first, but it numbed as I felt his cool venom pulse into my system, claiming me.

I felt his teeth lurch away from my neck, but I couldn't focus for long because my body was in such agony that my screams erupted instantly.

Fire raged ferociously, burning my insides while the tingle burst out violently on my skin and seethed at my surface. Shocking me like electricity. I could feel my body convulsing, causing my spine to arch off the floor. My fingernails clawed at the sienna stone, scraping them down to stubs and blunt bloody grazes. None of it registered any pain. I wasn't aware of being human anymore, just a figure of energy that fluctuated and writhed as fire and electrical pulses crackled within.

"Such power..." Aro's voice held wonder as he whispered.

His strong grip grabbed my arm, and I heard a sickening snap that told me it had broken. Still, I felt none of the pain that should have come with it. If I did then it paled in comparison to the true agony I was experiencing from the bite. All I could feel was the fire- the unending, forever-burning fire.

"What's happening?" Aro roared in panic and fury. My rolling eyesight tried to focus on his frantic figure as it watched me. His black cloak swirled above me, and it all blurred like light and dark battling each other to claim my soul. Was being bitten by a vampire enough to condemn me to hell? Or was it only enough to stop me from ascending to heaven. Would it force me to be trapped in limbo where eternity would stretch on in unending monotony?

My eyes started to fail me and the world began to fade, although electric sparks cracked across my vision. It was as if an electrical storm was within the hall and I was the metal rod it repetitively hit.

My mind skipped back to a memory that seemed urgent at this time.

_I was sitting in Carlisle's office and his kind face showed such concern as he smoothed over the EEG test results on his desk._

"_Sarelle, I know we once discussed the change as a possible cure for your time travelling, but on further research I am almost certain that it is not the way forward," Carlisle explained but he didn't look in my eyes as he said it. He had been so positive before his hunting trip with Edward and the other boys._

"_Carlisle, please, don't listen to Edward. I know he doesn't want me changed but he's just being blinded by his beliefs. I don't want to live this way of life anymore."_

"_Sarelle, I understand but..."_

"_Please, I don't want to leave him." Carlisle's eyes flashed with something I couldn't recognise but it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up._

"_Sarelle, I'm not telling you this because of Edward. It's true that he doesn't wish this life for you, but I have come to believe that it isn't the right way forward."_

"_I don't understand. You seemed so certain it would work. We know it's a part of me, my life force, so surely dying is the best way to cure it. To become a vampire I have to die, I don't see any reason why being changed would be a bad choice."_

"_As vampires we are animated by a powerful electric charge and the venom which runs in our veins and substitutes all liquid that was previously in our body. You already have a high electric charge in your body, Sarelle. We know that much from the test results. So to combine this with the electricity from the change... It could be fatal." There was immense sadness in Carlisle's eyes as he uttered the words and I felt the same uneasy feeling cast over me when I looked in his eyes. Something had changed ever since he returned from the hunt. It was the same with Edward._

"_It _could_ be. Nothing is definite, Carlisle. I can't give up just because there is a chance it won't work."_

"_You talk as if it will merely be a failed test, Sarelle. This is your _life_ you're talking about. If it fails then you die. Do you think I would risk something so valuable to all of us? I won't do it, Sarelle."_

"_You won't but maybe someone else will." The same flash of emotion crossed Carlisle's eyes before I had left his office to cool off. I felt so claustrophobic, knowing that I was trapped in this way of life unless I could find a way to end it. Either way I knew I was going to lose Edward one day._

The memory gained new meaning as I lay dying due to Aro's venom coursing through my veins. Carlisle had seen this coming. That hunting trip had revealed a slither of my future to him that caused him to go back on his initial idea of changing me.

"Stop her!" Aro screeched at his fellow guards but they were too engrossed with their bloodlust.

His exclamations faded as I fell into the abyss the fire offered me. My father's favourite quote echoing in my ears.

'_Time is free, but it's priceless._

_You can't own it, but you can use it._

_You can't keep it, but you can spend it._

_Once you've lost it you can never get it back.'_

I had lost everything, not even time was left to me now. This was the end.

All I could hope for was that my parents were waiting for me on the other side of this torture, along with a final resting place to give tranquillity and stability to my soul. For what could be more stable and certain than death?

For the first time in my life I prayed to God, and all I prayed for was an eternity without suffering. If I had to endure this pain now to get there, then I would do it. It would just be another mountain for me to grit my teeth and climb. My life had been anything but ordinary so it made sense that death would just be another adventure.

As peaceful darkness cloaked me I felt as though I was floating for one glorious second. It didn't last for long, for although my body felt numb, a spike of electricity pulsed to send me to another level of disintegration. It left me to fall helplessly (like ashes in the wind) down into the inferno that waited to claim me. It would consume me in its amber depths and I would burn as a final sacrifice. This was fate's final revenge against my existence, which had unconsciously bent the rules of nature.

What more glorious reason to burn could there be than for living outside nature's understanding, for being the only exception?

_These violent delights have violent ends_

_And in their triumph die, like fire and powder_

_Which, as they kiss, consume._


	56. Chapter 55

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

_Endurance is one of the most difficult disciplines, but it is to the one who endures that the final victory comes. - Buddha_

Trees. They blew and wind howled, a storm, a pathetic fallacy of myself.

Soil.

Raindrops.

Lightning. Or was _I _the lightning? I felt so charged, as if my very being was at one with the central energy of the earth. I wasn't singular anymore, I felt like I was eveything and nothing at the same time. I was a disintergration of molecules and yet I knew I had to still be me, still whole, somehow.

Pain. It was unbearable, ravenous for my screams, yet its hunger was never sated.

Darkness.

Pain. It has no mercy yet with each moment I feel it my body grows to endure it, enjoy it. Pain begins to develop flavours and differences, sharp, aching, rolling through me. Each is different and each exerts a new form of torture.

Concrete.

City lights.

Alley.

Fire.

Darkness. My eternal friend.

This had been the cycle my body had run through.

Time was distorted to a point that seconds felt like hours and hours felt like split moments. Everything was fracturing, causing me to jump repetitively, or at least that's all my mind could comprehend beyond the agony.

My body was in a constant flux of numb peace and blazing fire. In the times when I was paralysed in a new scene I would feel nothing. Not even a breeze on my face but then the electricity would pulse again, and I would fall off the stable dimension of time and space into a place too obscure to belong in the physical world. There I burned.

Every limb raged with fire that threatened to leave me as nothing but ashes, blackened, and surely too ugly for a place in heaven.

With every jump I had one short moment of recognition before the energy started to build and everything I knew became muddled.

My breathing was panting now as I lay in dim sunlight, trees surrounding me while my body rested in the forest debris. All I could do was lie in my broken state, the acidic tears pouring down my face as I watched the clouds race through the sky. I could feel nothing as if my whole body was in that state of numbness before pins and needles. My ears were filled with a faint buzzing like static ran through the air around me, though I could hear sounds that distorted and changed from nearly silent to crystal clear. It was as if my head was being repeatedly taking in and out of water.

A spike shot through me and my paralysis lifted enough for my screams to burst free. I knew they did because my throat ripped at their force, but somehow my ears registered nothing but silence. Was I deaf to my own pain, or was my body so broken that my voice no longer made sound?

A crack sounded somewhere close by but I could do nothing but lie helplessly in the dirt while its creator neared me. My body thrashed against my will, although I could feel nothing that caused it. The paralysis was back. I was nothing physical, just my mind although I knew my body existed as a solid object in this place.

As I fought the unknown, my movements caused black spots to form across my eyes damaging my vision.

"Sarelle?" A soft voice tickled my now functioning eardrums, piercing the static.

Another convulsion rocked my body, but this time I wasn't allowed to break my own bones, instead a force held me to the ground while my tendons strained.

"My dear child. It will end. I promise you it _will_ end," the voice said. My eyes cleared to see golden eyes looking down at me with a halo of blonde hair sitting atop a perfect face. The compassion in his eyes told me that I knew this man but my muddled mind would give me no hint of his name.

"How will I tell him that an end is coming? He's so happy right now. You both are. I hope Emmett and he aren't nearby. It would destroy him to see this. How will I keep this from him?" His eyes searched mine, and I felt sparks fly where his hand tried to touch mine. The current running on my skin wouldn't allow him to, and I hated that it was denying me some comfort of caring contact in this time.

My spine arched yet again but this time it felt like the fire burst from my chest and flowed like lava around my body. The man's face showed shock and torment as I felt myself fade yet again to the place that had no name.

When the eternal darkness finally disintegrated, I gazed upon cracked ceiling and dirt covered walls. It was no place I recognised, but it had to hold something I knew. That was the only pattern I could find in this madness. I found comfort in the fact my mind was clear enough to find some kind of sequence.

Scuttling spiders echoed in my ears and a door creak drifted into my consciousness. I could feel my heart pounding heavily in my chest for the first time in what seemed forever. It had seemed non-existent for so long that I thought it had been burnt away to cinder.

No sooner had the door's opening registered in my mind than my vision was filled with an angel's face. His face. I knew his face. It made my fragile heart race and burn all the quicker but I didn't care. I knew his face and it was such a beautiful sight to be given. Even if I didn't know his name.

"My Sarelle, my angel. I asked him for you and here you are. How wonderful, how perfect." His voice was different, lighter and less focussed, almost whispery. It wasn't truly him, he wasn't himself.

"Have you seen Bella? She was here with me but then Rosalie...and she left me. She walked away. Have you seen her, Sarelle?" I couldn't answer him but his mind didn't care. It was too far lost to grief, too far into hallucination to realise my broken state before him. He was only seeing what he wanted to see and that was me in front of him.

"You're here… You two always visit at the same time…" he grumbled like he was upset and disappointed with me, "she's got to be here somewhere." He chuckled under his breath, looking around the room in hope. He seemed like a child playing hide and seek, looking for the person who was certain to exist.

My heartbeat fluttered and spluttered until a moment came when there was nothing but silence.

It seemed to shatter his happy illusion, although I couldn't be sure that he realised this was actually real.

Black eyes looked into mine frantically and they showed nothing but despair.

"No! Sarelle, no! I can't lose you. Not you. Not again. Not as well as Bella. I can't. I won't. Please, angel, wake up."

This was not how my love was supposed to be. He was supposed to be happy, always happy. His tawny eyes were meant to twinkle in their luminescence, not this tortured ebony.

"Why do you always torment me with this? Why do you always leave me with the nightmare of her death?" he growled to the ceiling, to the heavens. Only, God had no hand in this. If I thought he actually existed then I would damn him to the hell he was making me endure. I would scoff if I could, how stupid of me to actually try praying to such a religious being in the hope of sanctuary and redemption – it was clear he never let his presence exist in my life.

My body had been given a rest-bite from the agony before returning to my blazing pyre, but only to suffer a different kind of pain. The pain of seeing the one I loved beg for my body to come alive.

The angel ran an unfelt touch on my skin, and his expression cracked to show the broken man beneath.

"I never wanted this for you. Sarelle. My beautiful angel. Carlisle told me this would happen..in Belmore. We were happy there, love. But he said it had to end. I don't want this to be the end." I wanted my heart to flutter and release him from his grief. He placed his head to rest against my silent chest, and I heard a prayer slip from his lips as he begged for a beat to sound through my ribcage. I wanted to feel him gripping me to him but I couldn't. I could only lie here as a perfect example of the living dead.

We stayed locked in this limp embrace for seconds, minutes, hours, I didn't know. All I knew was that when he released me I wished it had lasted longer.

"I will follow, my love. I will follow you to wherever you may be. Wait for me, angel. My final death will bring me to you, to the end. We'll go together and we'll be happy. Everyone will be happy."

The tingle crept up on me in a slow and sick fashion, prolonging the panic I felt at my angel's words. He couldn't let this be his end. He had to continue to exist; I couldn't die knowing he had given up.

But I wasn't given the chance to stop him. Instead I was taken once again to the furnace that waited for me.

This pain was never ending, eternal, and all consuming. It turned me to ash then back to flesh just to make me burn again. All the while my body jumped through time and space at a rate that stunned me. The tingle never left my body, and it kept me numbed to the outside world, only able to feel the hellfire that was encased by my body.

Jumps blurred together but clear spots occupied my mind now and then. I remembered a girl, young but proportioned like an adult. She'd had chocolate eyes and copper hair, set against flawless alabaster skin, so pretty. She had stood before me, in shock and interest, surrounded by damp forest. I had been so close to her screaming, and yet she had done nothing. She didn't run. She didn't come any closer. She just looked on until I left again, to fall into another place and release my screams into the air. I couldn't stop them even if I tried. They tore at my throat but the pain was negligible.

From her, the jumps flashed in quick succession, my screams fuelling the electricity as the fire raced faster than it had since it started. Never was I granted oblivion again, no break of darkness from the disorientation. Memories began to connect the places and appeared clearly in my mind. I struggled to keep them from being burnt up in flames and it seemed to work as the tingle acted like a electric force field around my mind. At least that was something positive, my mind and memories were safe protected by a barrier against the flames. I didn't ever want to lose them, although I was glad that the most recent memories were still hazy and unclear.

My blood boiled and rushed as the fire licked at my veins. After awhile the flames broke the skin, bursting out of me like my screams. My heart was racing inhumanly fast.

I vaguely felt my skin cool and harden but it didn't become brittle as I thought it would. I no longer felt like I would crack from the heat, from the pressure of the pain.

I could handle the pain. I could control the screams; they faded to whimpers over time and finally left me completely.

It had all ended in a flurried moment of heartbeats until I lay still, empty, solid, and free of the pain. I felt powerful, rejuvenated. Like the fire had burnt away my weakness.

I was reborn.


	57. Chapter 56

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**A/N: Just the epilogue after this chapter, can you believe this story is almost at its end? Thank you for all your kind reviews and enthusiasm I hope this chapter lives up to standard.**

**Happy reading!**

**x**

_Every ending is a new beginning - Proverb_

I gasped as I took in the forest around me. My eyes had focussed instantly; they darted around the leafy green canopy above me. It was a patchwork of leaves all criss-crossing and layering over each other to produce varying shades of green, all backlit by the daylight sun. Everything was in perfect focus, sharp and defined. Even nature's dust and pollen that dances in the air was visible to my eyes

I could feel all my senses coming back to me. They felt enhanced and amplified compared to my past self, my human self, the form of me that no longer existed and would never exist again.

I inhaled deeply and in a rush all the smells of the forest danced across my tongue. I could _taste_ and smell: foliage, debris, soil, damp, sun, pollen, wood. The list was endless but each was discernable by my mind, adding to the intense sensory collision that buzzed through my brain. There was so much of everything.

Sights, smells, sounds, feelings.

My body was resting on the springy moss covered ground, and I could feel how it pressed into the ground. Every square millimetre was perfectly attuned to the feel of the world on my skin.

I focussed my hearing and marvelled at how I could hear every whisper of the wind, every small rustle of the leaves, even the beating sound of a bird flapping its wings a mile in the sky.

There was nothing that could escape my senses, and it gave me such a feeling of power.

I inhaled again, luxuriating in the way my mind worked, collecting and naming everything without any effort and within an instant. Everything with this mind was instantaneous. That was why no sooner had I smelt the scent than I ran with blistering lightning speed through the forest to find it. It promised a taste so sweet and so desirable that I could form no resistance to it. That heavy wet pounding sound was heavenly to my ears and my throat burned in anticipation.

Flames licked up the column and parched it until I was sure it was desiccated to the point of ash. Only that smell could quench it. It promised me it would stop the burning. It would ease my pain and make this unbelievable thirst feel like just a ghostly memory.

My feet were lithe and graceful as I dodged through the trees, never once losing my balance or clipping my skin. It was as if it was nothing more than a flat expanse open space instead of a rocky, muddy mess of cramped trees. The twigs and bracken that would have cut my feet now just tickled against the bare skin of my foot. The wind rushed against my face as each sinuous smooth movement carried me forward deeper into the greenery. It was almost effortless like water flowing over smooth stones.

My legs weaved me through the forest as my mind sifted through the smells that registered, but always focussed on that one sweet scent. It wasn't far away now and it had multiplied.

My mind roared when I heard the single heartbeat was increasing into three, then four then five. Each beat sounding out through the air strongly like a calling drum. Each beat pulling me towards them. Each beat causing the air to permeate with smells that were so gloriously delicious that my mouth watered as they drifted across my tongue.

There were subtle difference to the scents but my mind didn't really care. All it registered was the all consuming desire to have the scent as mine. To claim whatever produced such a fragrance as my own.

My ears listened intently as I made the final approach. Wheels turned on a gritty path and english voices talked.

It didn't matter the words, nothing mattered except those heartbeats.

In a blur I leapt from the forest hurtling into what seemed like a carriage, knocking it into a splintered mess on the make shift road.

A soft body crushed to my mouth, the flesh soft under my teeth, almost too soft to give me any satisfaction as I bit down. But when I did, when my teeth sliced through the tissue-like surface, it released an ambrosial liquid to pulse down my throat. Blood. The first mouthful was so sweet and thick; it swirled around my mouth in a paroxysm of taste and richness.

Closing my eyes, I pulled the salty, tangy nectar from the faceless figure in my arms. Never had I been so desperate and needy for anything in my existence. I craved the warmth, the taste, and the power to the point that my body itched with frustration. I couldn't get enough; the blood rush wasn't fast enough. With one long draught, I heard the heart beats stutter and thud to a stop as its purpose for beating disappeared into me. The satisfaction of ending a life was so great that I felt nothing else. The rapture burned within me and started to spread to my extremities until I was wholly engulfed by the spinning, tumbling euphoria. The animal within me roared in pleasure, and I dropped to my knees, overcome by the ravishing delirium for a second before the fire raged again.

One was not enough. A fact that both frustrated and thrilled me. I would to have more; I had to feed this euphoria. My body whirled through the victims, their faces escaping my monstrous consciousness. Two did not fill me. Three did not tame the fire. Four fed my addiction but left me needing. But five was too much. The fifth brought recognition to my mind, and the fifth was given a vague identity. A man, the only one who did not die at my mouth but in my hands as I caught him escaping, pathetically trying to drag his broken body across the floor. I ended his life kindly. A simple snap of his neck, and he suffered no more. A simple snap of his neck, and I was forced to realise what I had done.

My mind came around from the bloody haze that had been placed on my sense of reason. When my predator faded into the background my human side was left to face the consequences of my animalistic nature.

My new eyes took in the scene within moments.

Five human bodies lay scattered in broken damaged formations, body parts dislodged and twisted in odd ways where my hands had grasped to hard. Blood spilled out from their wounds and painted the ground in a gruesome sight. It no longer held any appeal to me, instead making my stomach roll with a pointless human reflex. It wasn't really due to nausea but the disgust I had for myself and the results my actions had caused.

Five human lives extinguished in a matter of seconds by my frenzied attack.

I didn't even give them the dignity of a peaceful death. Instead I had forced them to die while they screamed and pleaded, weak and helpless against the monster that raged within me.

The carnage cloaked my mind and it seemed like the world grew silent, paying respect to the helpless humans I had murdered. Ensuring it was quiet enough for me to be forced to face the brutality I had inflicted on these people.

Panic filled me at the scene. It couldn't be found. It must be hidden. No one else must know about what appeared here. There were rules, Volturi rules. I could remember being told briefly of their power and dislike for perpetrators, a memory that sprung through the black veil that hid so many others from me. Would they all return, eventually?

I gathered every splinter of wood and scattered it through the forest so that no evidence was left on the road except for the bodies of my victims. I couldn't just discard them like the remnants of the carriage. They deserved better than that.

I picked up my first victim, holding my breath against the scent of the dead blood dripping from her mouth. She wasn't a slender woman and her arms flopped ungracefully from her body as I carried her through the forest. I found a clearing with enough space for the bodies to be buried and enough beauty for me to feel that it would make a just graveyard.

I laid out her figure on the ground, being careful not to destroy her body anymore than I already had. However, my strength was more than I expected, and I heard her fragile bones crackled. Her dark hair was matted and bloodied so I tucked it under her head rather than fanning it out on the grass. I didn't want to see the evidence of her death.

I repeated this process of ferrying the bodies from the murder scene to this final resting place, another three times, lining them up side by side. I recognised the style of their clothing - early 1900's high society. Although, this only fit with the man and woman, the other man was obviously the carriage driver as he had coach tails and working clothes on, instead of the fine wools and silks of the couple. I knew that, another faint memory pouring through.

I went back for the final two bodies, but I couldn't look over their figures with a detached feeling of guilt. Their faces shocked me to my core and riddled me with regret, remorse, disgust and a guilt that nearly buckled my steady legs.

Her green eyes were vacant and shocked. His brown ones filled with defiance, the golden flecks no longer glinting with pride.

Her red dress spilled out around her in a gruesome way and her flaxen hair was knotted and untangled from its stylish twist.

His suit was dirtied and his groomed brown hair was ruffled, mixing with twigs and grit.

Their bodies were almost unrecognisable and I wished they were. I begged for something to stop me from seeing this sight in front of me.

I gazed at their bodies and I wanted my body to fall apart. I wanted to feel tears stream down my face. I wanted to feel weak and helpless. I wanted this body to be able to show what I was feeling but it wouldn't, it couldn't.

If I were human I would fall to my knees, my hands would shake with a dreadful violence, and my stomach would roll at the gruesome state before me. If I were human none of this would ever have happened.

Whimpers of grief came from my dead lungs, and I dipped slowly to hold their dead frames in my arms, so gently as if they were made of glass because I could crush them just as easily.

Whereas the other bodies I had raced from the murder scene, I now walked at a human pace, cradling their bodies in my arms. They were feather light, barely registering any weight in my arms.

I wandered through the forest, ensuring not a single thing touched them. Not even a leaf that extended from a branch.

I bundled everything up, every terrorising emotion because I couldn't risk letting them escape when I had these precious people in my arms.

Eventually, I reached the clearing, my state still numb and unwilling to escape the state of mind that kept the screams and anger locked away.

I laid the bodies down with extra care and turned away from them blindly.

I dug the graves with diligence. Each one I rushed through, ploughing into the ground at a blurring speed. Deep holes appeared within seconds as I worked. My clothes became caked with mud and my skin gained a thick covering, changing the deathly white into a muddy tan.

In my haste, I roughly discarded the bodies into the graves, only taking the care to place two of them in carefully but not before removing their wedding rings. They would be a vital reminder that I would need throughout my existence.

My muddied fingers removed my locket and placed a wedding ring on either side before returning it back to my neck. The weight of it seemed too heavy to bear, no matter that the locket weighed nothing against my skin. The weight of my crime was like that of a millstone hanging from my human neck. It was crippling, staggering, by far too much.

I used to feel something. I used to be filled with such love, life and passion, no matter how much pain I endured. But no longer. I couldn't rebound from this. Now I was just cold inside, cold and desolate like the monster I was made to be.

I covered the unknown three bodies hurriedly. I would have shown them more respect but their deaths paled in comparison to the deaths of the beautiful woman and debonair man.

I gazed down at their bodies as they lay beside each other, almost entwined in an embrace. How many times had I seen them hold each other in such a way when I was just a young girl and beamed at the knowledge that they loved each other? So many other couples hadn't shown affection because they had been forced together through prospects and social hierarchy. Not these two, these two had loved and found each other on their own accord.

And now I had forced them to die before their time. I had robbed them of years of happiness.

I had extinguished their happy family.

_My_ happy family.

"I love you mother, father. I always remembered.

'Time is free, but it's priceless.

You can't own it, but you can use it.

You can't keep it, but you can spend it.

Once you've lost it you can never get it back.'

I never forgot, Father. Never. " My voice was breathless and too calm, the calm before the storm.

I could feel the rage building in me. I swiftly covered their bodies, each layer of dirt increasing the ache of loss I felt. I had murdered them, my own parents. I hadn't even stopped to notice my mother's eyes as I feasted at her neck or my father's cologne as I buried down into his artery.

As the anger and guilt built, so did the presence of rapid electricity on my skin. The tingle had survived my change, even if everything else hadn't. It burst out on my skin as my first scream of grief left me, landing me in yet another forest. This one wasn't the same but the slight differences in the scents of the trees gave me no indication of where I was.

I didn't care.

My anger and distress was all that remained in my cold stone body.

It exploded out of me, the tingle pulsing like a shockwave. It forced the trees from my path, forming a perfect circle of destruction around me. It wasn't enough. I wanted to rip, tear, and destroy. I wanted to inflict some damage of my own on fate's playground, on this world. It had ruined me and I wanted to show my fury.

My body went into a blind rage and hacked further at the small pocket of sunshine that my arrival had created. I uprooted trees, snapping them in half to hurl them through the forest – effortlessly. I could see my skin shooting rainbows into the gloom around me, but it couldn't distract me from my desolation. External beauty meant nothing to me because inside I felt rotten.

My rage lasted for hours, days, a seemingly limitless time when nothing registered.

After the rage came the guilt and grief which descended like vultures from the sky to pick at what was left of me. They seeped through my rock like body like plant roots growing through stones. They infiltrated me completely, owning me.

It lasted weeks, a near eternity of timeless moments. Sunrises and sunsets passing unnoticed and unappreciated. I never moved, even when I could tell my eyes were black and my throat burned to cinder at the slightest juicy scent.

I didn't trust myself to follow the tempting fragrances. My last hunt had scarred me. It almost caused me to repulse at the definite human scents that carelessly wandered through the forest. They were always miles from me, but I could smell them, and every time I did I engaged in battle. A war waged inside me, nature versus nurture. I knew my instinct was meant to lead me to those human scents, to lead me to the pulsing artery, but my memory wouldn't let me. It was too painful to consider feasting on another human because just the thought of it brought back the memories of my parents.

So I lay there, wishing death upon myself, but knowing it couldn't come. After all, I was invincible. What a _gift _that was, or was supposed to be. Immortality – a curse in disguise.

I cannot name the day when I rose from my shallow grave, formed by plants and moss growing over my static form. However, rise I did, with vengeance.

I tore from the ground as I felt the tingle lace my skin again. It wasn't as persistent as before but it was there. My unwanted companion through the past ten years of my life.

I passed the tree I had marked in memory of my parents. It was a large oak, and I had gouged a deep cross on its surface. The memory of the cross in the meadow brought the recognition that my past and future really had collided. The cross showed my wild state of mind with its ragged edges and imperfect form. I had done it shortly before I descended into grief. I wanted something to mark the passing of my parents, even if it wasn't in the same place as their bodies. It wasn't as perfectly formed as it perhaps should have been given what I was. My very being was honed to the point of physical perfection, yet I didn't feel perfect. I felt far from it. I felt irregular, and wrong, and twisted.

I continued to run into the forest, leaving my bubble of sunshine behind me to develop into the meadow Edward would love so much. It gave me a strange sense of satisfaction that his precious meadow was my creation, almost like even without knowing he was drawn to something that held my influence. The place where my anger had erupted and destroyed would become somewhere that held such beauty and romance. Time would heal it and make it pretty and perfect again, could the same happen to me?

As I bolted through the woods I smelt something other than human, something delicious but pungent, something that didn't make my stomach quiver with that remnant human impulse of guilty nausea. The scent promised to satisfy my being without igniting further self abhorrence, a compromise I welcomed.

I was lithe and nimble as I darted through the forest. My body exulted in the power my strides projected. It was a small joy that I could thrive on under the weight of the other more negative feelings.

My second hunt was a flurry of matted fur, tangy blood, and feral growls. A mountain lion had met its violent end at the force of my jaw. It left me satiated but the tingle still aggravated me.

So I ran, and I didn't know when I would stop.


	58. Epilogue

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**A/N: So to keep it simple, this is the epilogue and therefore the very end of this story.**

**Happy reading!**

**x**

_Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. - __Confucius_

So here I end my story, back to the point at which I started my tale. The place my racing legs finally carried me to.

I sit alone on a sheer cliff edge, staring out over the beautiful horizon as the sun sets in front of me. The rough sea air ruffles my hair, causing it to twist and turn violently. I don't feel the bitter cold on my skin, not anymore. Living stone doesn't feel.

Vivid oranges, pinks, and purples are painted across the darkening blue sky, and I feel the fading warmth hit me as the sun begins its journey into the sea. I have seen so many sunsets, but somehow this one seems so significant. The colours may have been more intense now, but the feeling of great change fills me as it has before. The first time being the sunset after my parents left for a Navy ball. It was like it was the trigger for my first jump which happened a month later, sending me hurtling into the unknown. The start of the strange tale I have recounted.

That sunset was the like the warning bell, giving me a chance to prepare myself for the moment when my life would take its turn into the peculiar, the moment when this whole vicious circle would begin. The only problem was that I didn't know that sunset was a warning, or some example of pathetic fallacy that predicted my parents' murder. I was just a child, so I didn't understand that a sunset could mean something other than being a pretty display of nature. Perhaps fate had relied on my lack of knowledge. For since I didn't understand then I could do nothing to stop it. I didn't even think of ending my life that night as I got ready for bed. However, if I had understood what was to come then I could have stopped it by suicide then and there. If only I had, because I could have stopped all this from ever happening. My parents would never have died and they could have had another child, once their grief had ended, and they could have lived a happy family until they were old and grey.

That first jump was one of so many, all of which caused my memory to become filled with many lifetimes of tales, each one saturated with thoughts and feelings. There are some which are the very epitome of happiness, whilst others I prefer to let rot in the dark, nightmarish depths of denial. Those memories are like scars on my psyche - always present, but faded due to time. In my opinion it is both a blessing and curse that, unlike so many others vampires, I am able to recall my human life in brilliant clarity. Able to remember how happy I once was, just as much as I am able to recall the events which used to act as fuel for my nightmares. Nightmares I would now never experience, a bonus for certain but I couldn't help but mourn the fact that I would never have the luxury of sleep to ease my mind. Never again be given the chance to dream.

I look down upon the locket that lies loyally on my chest, "Do I truly _regret_ anything?"

_No, _my mind answers, unwavering and resolute.

However, as I look upon my dead parents wedding rings hugging the locket from either side, and I really open my mind and inspect the pain my life has caused me; I can't help but wonder if I would _change_ anything if I could. Just as I am certain in my lack of regrets, I know, as I gaze upon the locket containing my parents picture snuggled between their rings, that I would indeed change something. I would have done anything if I thought it would have prevented this moment. I would have done anything to save them, even if it meant destroying myself.

I could never lament over my actions because they had led me to meet wonderful people, but that didn't mean I didn't wish my life could have been different. I wish I had the option to live my life as a normal person. Is it strange to crave normalcy and to want the humdrum daily routine? Is it strange to want the only problems in life to be simple conundrums or financial worries?

It would have been nice to never have had to hide a secret from the ordinary world around me, to never have had to construct a web of lies. I had told so many conflicting stories to hide who I was and what I could do. Now, it has gotten to a point where I am confused as to which lies I have told to each person. When I was human, I didn't know who I was, what I felt, or how I should go forward.

As a vampire, can I even move forward?

Is it possible to move on from my current state, a monster made of stone never to change, age, or die?

Am I destined to stay emotionally stagnant and stuck in a sedentary existence for the rest of my days? However many more days of forever that may be.

I have been forced into this form of self-imprisonment by fate, and there is part of me that thinks perhaps it is some cruel punishment for the breach in the laws of nature my life had created. A way for fate to get revenge on whatever force had driven me forward on the path my life had followed. A sacrifice to be made to seal up the fracture in time my existence had created, the blood that needed to be spilt to right the wrongs.

If it is truly revenge, then I can think of no better way to execute it, because I can't find any form of retribution that could cause me as much pain and torture as this.

I tear my eyes away from my parents' picture in my palms and look out to the horizon.

The sun ahead of me is a big fat disk drifting down, like someone had hooked it and was trying to pull it out of the sky but its inherent buoyancy was fighting the draw. Around me, the air is damp but still fresh, wet with promised rain, smelling like... summer. Such a happy season, but I feel like I am the slice of winter that got left behind when spring came, left to exist in a time that didn't lie right with my being and forced me to feel out of place and disorientated. I want some tranquillity, stability, something that is known to me rather than this conflicted and confused state.

I want what I can't have.

It is a special hell to want what you cannot have, and I know that purgatory well. I often find my mind wanders and takes me in directions I don't want, just as it did when I was human. It teases me with tastes I will never have on my tongue, words I will never hear, feelings I can never express. However, it is the price I have to pay.

It is the price that comes along with the consequences of my actions and feelings, consequences that are now vividly known to me in excruciating clarity.

As I gaze out over the darkening sky I am filled with a great sorrow because I am the singular cause of not only the pain of others, but also to be the reason that it is inflicted on my own being as well.

My presence in this world had touched so many lives, but for every gap I have filled I have created a new cavernous space. I had once been the love of Edward's existence, but I had left him and caused him pain. When he finally fell again his memory of me had lingered in him, festering and causing him to doubt his ability to love Bella enough to keep her. I had taken his innocent ability to love and tainted it, leaving him to have more caution than he ever needed to have. He held a fear that his love wouldn't be enough, and the desperate need to protect what was his in terror of it slipping away. It was a caution that had added unnecessary turmoil and pain to his and Bella's relationship such as their separation and reunion in Volterra. If I had never been a part of his existence then he would have never ran from his feelings for Bella. He would never have paused before he took the jump and fell. Instead he would have ran and taken the leap of faith without a second thought. He would have loved her like he had loved me. The only difference would have been that she would have been able to give him back what he deserved. Unlike me, the selfish girl who took his love and left before ever repaying the debt. No matter that my leaving was involuntary.

Even if I discounted Edward and focussed selfishly on myself, then I would still see how I have become the reason for my own demise. I am the very reason I am here, now, as a vampire. My whole life had just been a large circle in which my death and rebirth had played the part of both beginning and end. I am the reason my parents never came home to me, and therefore I am the reason my soul fell down the fracture in time and I became what I am. My world and contentment were always destined to be sacrificed, from the very moment I gazed upon that sunset.

A bitter laugh dances on the wind as it leaves my mouth.

It is a sick torture to be your own worst enemy because how do you ever reconcile with yourself? How do you ever forgive yourself for something that was always going to be your fault no matter how you played it?

Even if I had lived differently once I started jumping, I still would have ended up here because I was the catalyst to my own end.

It is a bizarre concept, but it is the only reasoning I have to continue my existence with. It is the only way I am ever going to survive this grief I feel.

I just have to believe that there was no way it could have been avoided. Fate wouldn't have let the circle be left incomplete, or allowed the rupture in time to remain. I could already feel the tingle's hold on me weakening with every second. It would not play the controlling part in my future, not like it had when I was mortal. Perhaps its dulling power is due to my ability fading away like my human blood, or perhaps it is because I am stronger? I didn't know the answer but I was sure I would live to find out.

I stood in one swift motion as the tingle spikes on my skin again. I cast a final glance at the horizon with new determination firing in my dead veins.

This may be the end of my beginning but it _will not_ be the beginning of my end. I will survive this life using the same fire that had helped me battle through my human days.

I will follow fate's plan for me but this time I will not be its victim. I will walk this life victorious.

**The End**

**A/N: Thank you to all of you who read this story. Without you this would never have gotten this far, in fact it would probably still be sitting on my computer unread. I know many of you will be mildly disappointed with this ending because didn't we all want it to be a happy one. However I hope that you can see why it couldn't have ended all rainbows and sparkles, why it had to have this angst. In my mind it always had to end this way. Not just because Edward and Bella are together in Breaking Dawn, but purely because I couldn't see how everything could be so awful and then all be fixed in the matter of a few thousand words. I kind of felt like this ending gave Sarelle's life some resoultion, a fresh start from here onwards.**

**Now, the sequel: **

_**The Story of Sarelle: The Immortal Years**_

**It's being written, or at least the preliminary bare-bones of it are being mapped out, so it does exist. However I am doing a full time degree and with it come various other responsibilities so some patience will be needed. However here is a little preview of chapter 1:**

_13th June 2047_

_One hundred and Thirty-seven years since this place became what it is now—a place for flowers, sunshine, and a vampire's regrets. So many visits, so many moments of planting flowers, pretty purple flowers. And yet my human feet only touched upon this ground ninety-five years ago. My little human feet, led by a dead man's hand to stand in this pool of sunshine and natural wonder that my own rage had created fifty two years before._

_A twisted story to say the least, but how else could it ever have been? Twists were what I was made of, twisted emotions, twisted morals, distorted past, and a future too bent out of shape to predict. Funny how immortality can change so much and yet so little at the same time._

_I opened my palm, ignoring how my skin glittered and focussing purely on the petite seed at the centre of my hand. Avensis Nautia, one pretty, little, purple flower to signify another passing year since I made this place of reverence, this place for my parents' souls to rest—the souls I'd extinguished when I was first changed. The first of too many._

_I bent in front of the large oak, poking my finger to create a shallow place to lay the seed to rest, just as I had dug my own parents' graves with my hands. This flower would grow just as all the others had. It would grow and bloom and spread its offspring around it to make this place even more beautiful than it was before. At least that was a positive._

_I filled the hole in, and as I crouched there I brought my locket to my lips and kissed the two delicate rings that dangled from the chain._

_"I'll never forget," I murmured before rising from the partial shade._

**Also I have a vague idea circling in my mind that I may or may not bring to fruition. The story is based on an idea that many on here have tried and done well. When I say based I mean that it's kind of that idea flipped 180. It's something that has been in my mind for a while so if you see a new story pop up under my name I'd really appreciate it if you would give it a try and let me know if it's worth continuing.**

**So I think that is all I have to say, other than, for the last time : thank you for reading!**

**xxx**


	59. The Sequel

The Story of Sarelle: The Immortal Years is up :)


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